I know more than I should

by Columba

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Main 6, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Original Character, Spike, Comedy
Length: 944

Following Discord through a portal, I land in Equestria.

I know a lot about them, and they know nothing about me. This'll be fun.

Oh, and my sister brought pizza.

A one shot I just couldn't get out of my head.

(This was for fun. Anyone who would like to continue or make their own is welcome to. No, the character is not me, it's an OC pony I made. I just turned her into a human. The sister is my sister's OC human.)

Published 2015-01-07 18:00:04 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-07 18:00:04 UTC

Muahaha. Lol.

I stared at the white and blue circle in front of me. Discord walked through it, unaware that I was watching him. He had used some kind of pebble-thing and had thrown it at the wall where the blue disk appeared. When he had gone in, he had dropped the pebble-thing and the blue disk had disappeared. I grabbed the pebble-thing and threw it at the ground. A new blue disk appeared. I picked up the pebble-thing and jumped in. I landed on cold snow. Well, at least I had warm clothing on, though, it was still cold. I looked at the surrounding ponies, draconequus and dragon, and grinned. "Hello, Twilight Sparkle. Hi, Fluttershy," I said. "Oh, and hi, Apple Jack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity. Hello, Discord and Spike." The group's jaws dropped. I grinned wider. Oh, I knew so much more than they wanted me to. Discord looked at me.

"How did you get through?! This doesn't make any sense! I-I-" Discord stammered. I waved the pebble-thing above my head.

"Make sense? What's the fun in making sense? Actually, it does make sense. You dropped your thing-y." I said, tossing the pebble-thing to him.

"Who are ya, and what're ya doin' 'ere?" said Apple Jack.

"I'm Columba. As for your second question, I merely followed Discord through a portal, and poof! I end up in Equestria," I replied. It was fun. They didn't know a thing about me, and I knew almost everything about them. Oh, thank you Mrs. Faust. Thank you so much. Apple Jack narrowed her eyes,

"What are ya? Not a pony, fer sure," she said.

"If you want the crazy-pony answer, ask Lyra Heartstrings. If you want the answer from the non-pony in front of you, I'm a female human." Pinkie Pie held up a hoof,

"Wait a minute! We need to test you..." she said. I was amused. This party-crazed pony was interesting. "What's your favorite time of day?"

"Night."

"Favorite fruit?"

"Hm... hard one... I think... lemons."

"Disharmony or Harmony?"

"I think the answer is obvious-"

"Yeah, it is," says Twilight.

"Both," I say.

"Huh? You can't have BOTH. You can only have one!"

No, you can have both. My world does. People are generous, kind, loyal, happy, and honest. And greedy, cruel, selfish sad liars. It's normal. The moon and sun rise and set on their own. All normal."

"Okay... Cadence or Chrysalis?"

"Chrysalis. I feel bad for her."

"Favorite food?"

"Peanut butter."

"Favorite animal?"

"Draconequus."

"Wait. What?"

"I said, 'draconequus'."

What's a dragonqoos?"

"It's a Discord."

"Oh. Okay. What's your favorite season?"

"Hm. I don't have a favorite season, but..."

"What?," said Pinkie Pie.

"I liked it when Equestria was in it's Chaotic state," I said. Everyone stopped, including Discord, who said,

"You are joking. No pony-" I cut him off,

"That's no pony. Do I look like a pony? And you're forgetting sombo- pony: Pinkie Pie."

"Right. How old are you?" asked Twilight.

"I'm twelve-"

"You're almost a middle-aged mare!" Pinkie gasped.

"Actually, In 'human years' I'm still a child," I said. "Do I look like a woman?"

"I have absolutely no idea what a woman is," said Rainbow Dash. "Just one question, and I'm really surprised no pony has asked yet. How do you know who we are?" I grinned.

"Oh, I know quite a lot-"

"She's PSYCHIC!" Pinkie Pie said.

"I'm not psychic. I actually know you guys through... how do I put this? Um... movies?"

"What are 'movies'?" asked Rarity.

"Doesn't matter. I know about half the ponies- and non-ponies- Pinkie Pie does," I smiled. "As in, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Berry Punch, Time Turner, Amethyst, Dinky, Derpy, you eight, Sun-butt"

"Who's Sun-butt?"

"Princess Celestia. I know Lulu-"

"Who's Lulu?"

"Princess Luna. I know Shining Armor, Cadence, Sombrero-"

"Who's Sombrero?"

"Ugh. Sombra," I said. Discord grinned at the nickname. "I also know Chryssi," Pinkie opened her mouth. "And before you ask, that's Chrysalis. Tirek, Carrot Top, Granny Smith, Big Mac, Hoops, Dumb-Bell, Diamond Tiara, Filthy Rich, Silver Spoon, Zecora, Ace, Lyra.  and Screwball." At the mention of his daughter's name, Discord stared at me. "Yes, Dissy. I know your daughter."

"Daughter?!" everyone said.

"Yeah, daughter. Named Screwball. She sang an adorable song when you evil ponies trapped Chaos Lord in stone. I know it by heart-"

"You can stop there, know-it-all. And literally. You know all," said Discord. I smiled mischievously.

"Discord, I'm howlin' at the moon, and sleepin' in the middle of a summer afternoon. Discord whatever can we do to make you take our world away? Discord, are we your prey alone? Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne? Song made by someone called Eurobeats Brony. I relly like the song, but I changed some of the lyrics in this one."

"Discord? Did you know that both Fluttershy and Twilight Flopple went crazy once?" Discord raised an eyebrow at Fluttershy. "Yeah. Twilight was the craziest, though. She cast a love spell on her Smarty Pants doll and soon the whole town was in love with it. She thought that if she couldn't find a friendship problem, she would make one. And she did. Blah blah blah-- It worked really well, actually. Fluttershy just got coo-coo mad at the Canterlot animals," I shrugged. Then I thought of something, "Have you ever had... pizza?"

"What's 'pizza'?" I walked up to Discord and whispered in his ear. He grinned and snapped his fingers. A blue disk appear in the ground and I jumped in. I appeared before them, holding a cardboard box in my hands.

"This, is pizza. Hope you like olives."