Working at Brony Con 2025
Night 1
“H-hey, Hello! This is the security office, isn't it? I’m a long-time volunteer here that’s uh, about to retire in a couple of days. I know that getting settled in can be a little stressful, so let me just give you a few pointers to help you during your shift. Welcome to your first night shift at the Brony Convention 2025 by the way! You have no idea how much we needed a night guard here. It’s not like we can afford someone to stay over-night, and there hasn't been a whole lot of volunteers for some reason."
"First, let me read a greeting from the organization. I-it's just legal crap, that's all. We read this to all of our guests before they enter."
(clears throat)
"Welcome to Brony Con 2025, where fans can come together and celebrate the joys of My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic. We are not responsible for your children or any content that they may be exposed to, including art that are, but not limited too nudity, sex, lesbian or gay intercourse, bestiality, vore, rape, or any booths that may or may not be related to the 4chan websites, uh; we are also not responsible for any physical harm inflicted, dismemberment or any deaths that may occur during the convention... Blah, blah, blah!"
"Now, that may sound bad, I know, but you have nothing to worry about. You'll be fine."
“You may have heard rumors about this place being shut down for legal reasons. Uh, something about a ‘cease and decease’ order from the company. To clarify those rumors, there is a lawsuit being placed, but don’t worry, we have things under control. In fact, we just hired a volunteer that went to law school. Actually, he dropped out of law school after a couple of weeks. We couldn't find anyone that would take our case, and uh… He’s kinda sensitive about it.”
“Anyways, the only thing that you have to watch is the My Little Pony animatronics that are on stage and scattered towards the back. We were planning on buying them from the company, but there was no way we could spend nearly 2.5 million dollars for each pony, so a fan decided to build some for us. Those things were just wonderful; we were pretty darn impressed when we first saw them in action!"
“Keep in mind that there are some glitches with them, well; you know how machines can just screw up on you when you least expect it, but nothing’s perfect, right? We have to leave them on because we have a heck of a time turning them back on when they get turned off. They do get a bit weird at night, So if you were to see them like… I-I-I don’t know, wander around a bit; don’t panic. They shouldn't be out of their spots, but you know how these ponies are, they get a little space and they act like they own the place. Just like teenagers. I know, that may sound a bit scary, but you have nothing to be afraid of.”
“They used to interact with the fans on the floors and booths during the day, until there were some… incidences.”
“One fan got a little too uh… touchy… With one of the ponies. We honestly had no idea that those horns are sharp enough to skewer a man’s stomach. Thank God he survived, though; we though he was dead when we saw intestines poking out of his stomach.”
“Now we are working on trying to fix those issues, but we couldn’t contact the guy that made these things. We’re still trying his cell phone and house number. We’re pretty sure he’s just busy; I-I’m sure he’ll know how to fix them. For now, just keep an eye on them… But it's a good idea to not let those things see you. I think there’s something wrong with their visors, so if one of them were to walk by; just kill the power switch that’s next to your desk. I heard they have a hard time seeing in the dark. That also means you can’t see your camera but… They can’t see you anyways, so whatever.”
“See you in the Morning!”
Night 2
“Well, howdy do! You managed to make it through your first night. Good job!”
“I just remembered from yesterday that uh, only a couple of those ponies have problems with their visors. Yea, sorry about that. I bet that must have been a very awkward night for you. Imagine if someone like Fluttershy were to walk in; she’s more active in the dark as a matter of fact. I never really saw her become too active, though. I guess that makes sense. People just love her when she tries to hide behind booths and props when she’s seen, it’s just too freakin' adorable. People may say that Pinkie Pie or Twilight is the best pony, but screw them! Fluttershy will always be the best!”
“But I still wouldn’t keep that light off for too long if I were you. The creator wanted to make her a bat-pony in the beginning, but didn’t have time to take the fangs off when he wanted to keep the original design, and one of her glitches is mistaking human heads as apples, especially if she can’t see them very well… Yea.”
“I have a full list of reported problems from each pony. Of course, you’ve heard of Fluttershy. It was Applejack and Rarity that had problems with their visors, so that light trick should work on them. Rarity can be a wee-bit sensitive towards… Anything, actually. You can look at her wrong and she’ll go berserk.”
“Applejack has a nasty habit of lassoing people and dragging them across the floor. She tends to try to drag them to a certain room in this building, the one that’s marked with Celestia’s cutiemark. I’m pretty sure none of the staff drew that on the door, but we also like to give these ponies a little bit of artistic freedom. We could never get that door open for some reason, but the ponies like to go there sometimes. Ponies need breaks too, I think they deserve a little privacy when their up on stage singing those same stupid songs about sharing and caring and all that gooie crap.”
“Rainbow Dash has tendencies to become aggressive when she’s around humans, but honestly I don’t blame her. If I had to sing on stage, seeing pictures of me kissing and having sex with my friends and I can’t say anything, I’ll be pretty aggressive too. Uh, she made a little habit of jogging around the building at night, so just kill the light if she passes by your door.”
“And Pinkie… Oh God, Pinkie.”
“Listen, that pony has always be a bit jumpy. Be sure to keep a very watchful eye on her, because if you don’t, she’ll give you a surprise… Which usually involves being tackled. Now, that wouldn’t be a problem if she didn’t weight nearly seven hundred pounds and have springs and screws popping out of her fur, so you can only imagine what it would be like to have her slam against your body. Since you’re watching the ponies and all, she’ll think of it as a game, so as long you’re keeping tabs on her, she’ll stay out of your way. We tried to contain her in a cage at one point when it gotten so bad, but she always escapes. We’ll be locking her in a cage one second and hear someone being tackled-hugged by her the next. It may have looked cute in the shows, but in real life... Imagine having two doe, mechanical eyes popping in front of your face with a maniac smile that stretches from ear to ear. I've always been a bit scared of her to be honest with you.”
“Concerning Twilight. I’m not really sure. We checked her multiple times and we couldn't find any problems with her. I mean, her behavior can get a little off from time to time. she’s fine around kids but with adults she just… Stares.”
“As usual, just check the cameras and flip the lights if you need to. No problem! Goodnight!”
Night 3
“Well, I’m glad to see you still with us! I hope those ponies didn’t give you too much trouble last night.”
“I bet you’re still wondering when we’re going to have those things fixed… Well, we’re still working on it. We still can’t contact the guy that made them; we even tried visiting his apartment and his car wasn't there. We even tried checking his Facebook and Twitter status and he hasn't updated since the pass week. I’m sure he’ll turn up, though.”
“And that lawsuit pressed against the company, well… We kinda loss. I guess that ‘we owe nothing’ argument didn't exactly appease the judge, especially if our law guy made a rather rude joke about the judge’s weight at the beginning of the trial. So those ponies will be gone in a couple of days, unfortunately. It’s a shame, really; we only had them for a couple of weeks.”
(deep inhale)
"I've been working here for a really long time, so let me give you some sound advice... Never lurk in 4chan. Seriously, I've been around some really screwy places on the internet and these guys will take whatever humanity you have and shove it up your rear. I've been on there for like... Five minutes and I suddenly found myself looking up rule 34 art. I mean, I-I-I understand that these characters are ponies, but those artists that come here... Jesus, I thought Sonic had it bad!"
"..."
"Uh... Just keep at it and watch those ponies... Don't repeat that, please."
Night 4
“H-hey! Glad to see you ali-I mean well… Uh, well as in, not dea- not sick. Yea! Glad to see you not sick!”
“So, I bet you heard on the news about the guy that made those ponies being arrested at a friend’s house. The police refused to specifically state why he was arrested, but it means that those ponies won’t be getting repaired anytime soon. Unfortunate, I know.”
“We’re going to be closing this Friday; hopefully we can get out crap together next year. So, just hang in there and-”
(static)
Sudden silence until the phone began to crack back alive. A different voice can be heard, more masculine and rough.
“Hel-*crack*… This is undercover unit Ma-*crack*, my radio is down and I just managed to jack the phone ser- *crack*. The machines are here, and *crack*. I need back- *crack*, no! I need immediate extra- *crack*. If anybody can *crack*, please, sen- *crack*.
(static)
A quite, but eerie growl crackled through the speaker.
“… AH-”
“SCRAAAAAAAAAAAAA-”
(Silence)
Night 5
(crack…)
“efil fo tserup eht sehsinrat that esruc eht; ytinamuh fo esruc eth morf sluos gnireffus eseth eruc tsum, ynomrah dna pishdneirf fo reraeb eht sa, ew. Dlrow siht stnuah that ssendekciw eht emocrevo niaga ecno lliw pihsdneirf dna evol; ecarg dna htmraw reh htiw htrae siht elur lliw aitselec drol ruo. Kaerbtraeh dna rorroh fo lluf si dlrow siht. noitpurroc fo dlrow siht egrup tsum ew.”
(static)
(Silence)
...
At the end of your shift, you receive a letter from the staff.
Thank you for your volunteer work! We ordered and shipped a set of My Little Pony stickers to your house in order to show our appreciation. We hope to see you at the next convention.
Friendship is Magic!
