A Mare's Search for Meaning

by Silent Shade

Rating: mature
Tags: Rainbow Dash, Other, Romance, Adventure, Sex, Tragedy, Dark, Alternate Universe, Sad, Main 6, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4090

What do you do when you wake up in a strange place and have somehow lost your memories? Fly fast and get answers. This rainbow colored pegasus has plenty of the first but could use more of the latter...

Language. The fact that our brains program themselves to be able to speak the words we know of to communicate, and give those sounds meaning. But do we ever think of the significance in the meaning of a word, a thing, a name?

An amnesiac Rainbow Dash wakes up... somewhere, and DEFINITELY not in Equestria. Follow our favorite prismatic pegasus as she takes on a new name and the strange land she has awoken to; As she learns the history of how the home-place of ponies have existed in a neigh-perpetual state of war and as well as the history that brought her to this foreign continent. As she searches for the meaning of love, war, hate, peace - the meaning in a name.

"My name was Rainbow Dash? Seriously?! Was that the most original thing somepony could come up with!?"
"Hey, you could say 'Prizma' is just as cliche."
"SHUT UP!"

“The war which is coming is not the first one. There were other wars before it. When the last one came to an end there were conquerors and conquered. Among the conquered the common people starved. Among the conquerors the common people starved too.”
― Bertolt Brecht

Published 2015-09-08 23:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-08 23:10:01 UTC

Arc 1: Arcadian Memory Chapter 1: Memories and Introductions

The skies were grey. Grey clouds rolling like hills covered the upper half of the horizon with the occasional patch of penetrating sunlight breaking through the domain of pegasi. The fields below were similarly dully with the occasional patch of withered yellow grass juxtaposing taller greener patches. And among the hills lay a house that seems out of place if not for the small town and fields of wheat in the distance, the salt of the sea in the air. And in this house a certain multicolored Pegasus lay asleep, tossing and turning in her sleep increasing to a point that the Pegasus jolted from her slumber with a gasp.

“AHHHHAAAAHH!” Oh how brilliant a way to wake up. SO uncool, good thing nopony saw that right?

The cyan-blue ego with wings put her hoof to her head with a groan of pain, annoyance, and confusion. Her head pounded with a pulse that reminded her of the times she drank too much cider the night before or hit… things really hard when she was stunt flying. How odd, the Pegasus was having problems remembering the things she flew into on a regular basis, but she shrugged it off with having run into too many to remember before groaning again as another wave of pain stuck her noggin’.

Despite the pain emanating from her cranium, the Pegasus turned her attention to the confusion she had garnered rather than the annoyance, which frankly stemmed from the fact she was in rather large amounts of pain, but she could shrug that off – she has the distinct impression she had done it before.

Now, she knew she wasn’t the smartest pony around but she knew she had some rather good detail spotting skills that she needed to be an awesome flyer. And she could tell that this wasn’t her room and most certainly not her cloud bed…

And she had no idea how she woke up somewhere else.

Searching her mind for clues to her current location proved to be fruitless aside from creating a pout face that would shock and melt the brains of those viewing with its adorableness if not for the grimace of pain.

Actually, now that she thought about it, she was having trouble thinking of a lot of things and not the normal things she doesn’t think about.

Events, details, people, places, Names. She couldn’t remember. With growing worry and the signs of a panic attack growing she suddenly realized.

She couldn’t remember her name.

She was on the verge of hyperventilating like… RAAAGGH! The memory of a cyan Pegasus curling in the fetal position with a number posted on her flank fading as quickly as it came, only further adding to her confusion and horror.

But before the Pegasus would lose some coolness points a knock on the door returned her to reality allowing her to calm herself down. Perhaps this arrival could shed some light on her situation.

And sure enough, the door opened revealing a rather old unicorn stallion with rather bland coloring. He was tan and wrinkly with a short grey mane – the same shade of the clouds if one bothered to compare them. He wore a jacket that reminded her of fake leather that she… thinks she saw before. Underneath he wore a white shirt and wore pants with the same brown coloring as the jacket, and not to forget to mention the rather large and circular glasses that rested on his snout. All in all…

… his get up was rather boring if impeccably clean.

But her reservations would have to wait as the old stallion began to speak with a rather gruff tone. “Hmmph. Finally awake, huh? Do try to keep the racket down; I was trying to eat a calm lunch for once.

The Pegasus desperately wanted to chew the old stallion out for the rather ignorant greeting, but groaning in pain over her massive headache took precedence.

The stallion merely chuckled in amusement while another grimace of pain from the Pegasus turned into a weak glare, “Surprised? I would think I would remember slamming my head into the ground as hard as you did. Thought one of them rookie guards lobbed a grenade in my yard! Heh, the older ones sure have learned.” He ended more to himself.

So THAT’s why she can’t remember anything! In hindsight, she shouldn’t have been surprised she had been lucky so far for her worst injury from her stunt flying to be a broken wing. Then again she can hardly remember the fact she had broken a wing, much less her name.

The reminder of her lack of memory shifted her eyes from confused at the revelation of understanding how her memory went, to downtrodden because of the fact she couldn’t remember her name or much less ANYTHING substantial.

The old stallion noticed the multiple emotions going through her head, “Heh, you are surprised aren’t you? Wait … you didn’t hit your head so hard you lost memory know didja?”

She nodded her head, oblivious to the teasing the stallion was going for.

The stallion tried to laugh to himself some more to shove off the issue, but the old geezer was smart enough to realize that wasn’t going to solve anything. So with a sigh, he asked if she was hungry or thirsty with a desire for water winning. He left the room and came back with a glass of water and a chair. Placing the glass on the nightstand and the chair adjacent to it, he then sat down.

“Whelp.” He began with resignation, “Let’s see what you do remember, no?”

The Pegasus took a deep breath as she grabbed the water and took a sip. She could tell she wasn’t going to be allowed to get more rest, but thankfully the headache was becoming more of a minor throbbing annoyance. Besides…

It’s not like this conversation would be long, right?

If there was something she could respect about the old geezer was his curious determination. He wasn’t quite satisfied with her telling him that she couldn’t remember anything. He retorted to her weak admission that obviously she remembered some things, after all she could still talk and move with normal cognition and a bunch of other things he mentioned but she cared not enough to listen to.

Turns out the professor get-up weren’t for nothing. Sure he didn’t teach at a school, but he did happen to have a small library of knowledge. Freaking egghead. Seriously, his study was impressive for the sized house she approximated it was.

He tested her body movements, math abilities (which surprised him considering her hate of it), literacy, and reactions to stimuli. Specifically? He seemed to like testing her infamous patience. But one topic seemed to interest him in particular.

“What about magical techniques? Remember any of those? And I ain’t talking about them ones you pegasi do involuntarily like shoving and fucking, err, bucking clouds or blowing them or shooting lighting out of ‘em. Your magical reserves are too huge for you not to be a practicing magic user.”

“Uh, what?” Another brilliant response, but seriously Prizma felt like she should understand what the unicorn was referring to, but the majority of vague memory fragments she did have didn’t lead her to believe that pegasi could do any sort of magic outside of what he called ‘involuntary’.

Oh, when the stallion learned that she couldn’t remember her name, he went to referring to her as ‘Prizma’ after her… unique mane.

The unicorn stallion sighed, “You know. Creating gales from a single flap of your wings. Summoning lightning, moving at rather annoying levels of speed – damn fucking loud when you want to be, I tell you.”

Prizma didn’t have many memories, but as established, basic knowledge was still intact. So she went with a response that went with what she DID know. “Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Where I am from, Pegasus magic is that first bit you mentioned, weather manipulation. That other stuff sounds really cool though.”

The unicorn seemed rather shocked, like as shocked as someone heard you forgot how to fucking eat. But that shock quickly transitioned to… desperation?

“Please, for the sake of my sanity. Think really hard, and tell me if you remember doing anything ‘cool’ as you called it. PLEASE?”

Despite being dumbfounded at the strange amount of emotion the stallion was showing that wasn’t cynical and rude, Prizma decided to try.

She closed her eyes, and tried thinking of things that were cool. That was awesome. That was… fast.

BOOOM!!!

An explosion shook the heavens as colors imaginable and unimaginable pulsed outward in the shape of a cylinder like a wave created after a rock was tossed in water. Except the water was the sky and the rock was a concentration of pure AWESOME.

She flew in the sky with speeds unimaginable; hills, mountains, lakes, forests passed beneath her within the blink of an eye. She tore through the sky so fast that even light itself got caught in her mane creating a beam of rainbow behind her. She was speed. Speed was her.

She flew past the finish line and before she knew it she was miles above a city of clouds and she knew.

The world was hers.

Prizma’s eyes snapped open. And slowly, a grin began to form. ‘Now THAT,’ Prizma thought to herself, ‘that was awesome’.

The old geezer made a great mistake that day, for he awoke what many wish would have stayed away and forever silent - a certain pegasus’ bragging abilities.

It had been a few days since Prizma had first awoken at the house, where the old unicorn was as hospitable as a cranky aging stallion could be. After having everything about the memory she experienced, the unicorn was awed at the story even if his expression only stowed intrigue. Which is understandable as Prizma’s boosting of the event quickly caused him to in her mind rudely interrupt. The stallion offered to let her continue to rest and recover before pretty much leaving her alone to her own business, as if she had something she could be doing being sore with a raging headache. He only returned to provide meals, which was something he progressively had less to do in this regard as Prizma became more mobile with her recovery.

To be truthful, she was fine the day after but was too lazy to do anything for herself. Not to spite the old man or take advantage of his kindness, but because inwardly the fact that her memory was shaken was still bothering her. It was when the stallion finally confronted her in conversation did this thinking change.

It was a few hours into the afternoon, after they had eaten lunch the unicorn had ran or more accurately limped into his library like he had been the past few days. Prizma didn’t particularly understand why he did so, but after thinking too little instead of too hard she determined he was some kind of egghead. The resonance of the word when it appeared in her head was… weird, but she shrugged it off.

She was laying on top of the bed that she had been using, bored out of her mind. The old stallion had forbidden her from flying outside when she had snuck out after breakfast the day before yesterday to fly loops around the house. Prizma didn’t understand why he was so peeved and didn’t pay much attention to his reason for it. She was too busy being terrified of how easily he grabbed her with his telekinesis and yanked her down to him. After all she was moving fast, and something deep down told her it shouldn’t have been possible for your everyday unicorn.

Flying indoors was similarly banned shortly thereafter.

Prizma was a little surprised and disappointed that he hadn’t pointed out how she had obviously recovered. She had bullshit comebacks prepared and everything!

And yet despite how much she just wanted to stretch her wings and explore, she was … hesitant. An inner conflict had been raging within her. And it both angered and terrified her at the same time. She was scared. Scared of what was out there. Her memories were gone. How should she find them, how, and what would she do when she had that knowledge. Should she leave and see the world for herself or should she run away?

The answer seemed obvious, but to lounge around, enjoy the old unicorn’s hospitality and ignore everything else seemed so easier to deal with. So she stayed.

Didn’t mean she was starting to get bored out of her mind.

Bonk!

Sqwee~

~eeck

Bonk!

Sqwee~

~eeck

Bonk!

Prizma didn’t know why he had a plastic bouncy ball, but she was going to get the most entertainment out of it she could.

Eight thousand nine-hundred and ninety-six

Eight thousand nine-hundred and ninety-seven

Eight thousand nine-hundred and ninety-eight

Eight thousand nine-hundred and ninety-nine

Nine-thousand

Nine-thousand and …

The door slammed open. “Thank the Goddesses the study is sound proof because I could hear that infernal noise every- GODDAMMNED- where!” Apparently the unicorn didn’t appreciate the skill of precision ball tossing.

The distraction and shudder of the door interrupted Prizma’s activities and the ball rolled off into the ether for all she cared. “Hey! It’s not like there’s anything to do around here!”

He scoffed, “You could open a book for once in your life, it’s not like you are confined to this room or this house for that matter.” They had this discussion before.

“Well! It’s… just that… I…” Prizma retort died slowly and pathetically. Somehow the unicorn had managed to directly target one of her chief worries about her situation.

He sighed. “Never mind, despite your annoying tendencies, that’s not why I am here. You are more than recovered physically and there are many things you need to understand if you want to survive in this world.”

…What?

Prizma voiced her confusion and the stallion was prepared for it. “I don’t really care about where you came from or which species you are. The fact of the matter is if you don’t gain the knowledge and strength I can give you, your journey won’t last very long.”

Now Prizma was really confused. She could get why where she came from could be irrelevant to his interests, but why did her being a pegasus matter? And what threats could there possibly be for her? And what journey?

The stallion was either a mind reader or somepony who made chance angry and how coincidental his comments answered her mental queries.

“The fact of the matter is you are on the continent Avalon in the region of Arcadia and the entire continent has been in a constant state of warfare and conflict since its conception. Suffering and racial discrimination is a constant. And recently the whole of the continent was brought under the topaz hoof of King Lance Chaperon. The bloody psychopath thinks that by imposing his will over everypony will bring about order. I don’t know if he is blind to the fact he is just the same as rulers before him or not, but the fact remains. The world isn’t a safe place, never has been.”

Okay, that was… something. But she had bigger priorities than the rather vague tale. “Uhhh.” Prizma started with a tone that clearly stated her perplexed opinion, “What journey?”

The elder pony stomped his fore-hoof before groaning, frustrated over the combination of trying to talk to an amnesiac pony and the fact he was trying to talk to somepony at all. He would’ve gotten out more if it was an actual reasonable opportunity.

“Your memory returning is not something anypony can guarantee. You are more likely to learn and understand what and who you are out there. And I want to prepare you for it. A magic talent like yours needs, no, deserves at least basic training in the arts. I may not be a pegasus, but I have studies on the subject.”

Prizma didn’t really understand or want to understand what the stallion was trying to say, “Well what if I think it’s cool here! I gotta admit, gramps, your place is nice. And if you want me to stop mooching off you, just give me some things to do for you or something! As cool as it would be to fly off doing whatever I don’t see how that will get my memories back!” Prizma didn’t realize until she stopped speaking that she had started screaming at the end.

She grimaced “Uhh, sorry gramps… I didn’t mean…”

“No, I understand.”

“What?” What could he possibly understand about her? They hadn’t been around each but a few days. What could he possibly know about...?

She didn’t get to finish her thought. “You are frightened about having lost your memories and what that means. You don’t understand the world you find yourself in. You fear so much that you are willing to ignore your sky talent to sour in the heavens because of the fact that you understand you have no power, no knowledge, and seemingly no destiny.”

For once she had no retort to through back at him. And the smile on his face growing on his face proved it. Not that it was the malicious smile of being right, but one of somepony who… cared?

“I don’t know everything, but I know enough to give you the strength you’ll need to fly safety. Do you accept my offer…?” Brat.”

Prizma just lay there for a few moments before a weak yet determined smile began to grow and a single remaining question lay unanswered…

“What’s your name gramps?”

He chuckled, “Name’s Mister Silver, but if you continue on calling me gramps I’m going to have to acknowledge you as the brat you are.”

She laughed for what seemed to be the first time in ages and fell into a famous grin, “Well then what are we waiting for!”

Author's Note

Aww, poor Rainbow Dash. Losing your memory can't be cool. But don't worry! It's not like anything worse could happen to her... right? :rainbowderp:

And whats up with Gramps here? Or this strange new world we find oursleves? Sorry to say, but I know the answers and I don't feel like sharing. :rainbowwild:

But wait! You may be wondering. What about Equestria? What happened? Where is it? Well viewer, there will be the periodic stops from following Rainbow, or should I say Prizma, to check back in with whats going on over in Equestria. Why, it may even be the next 'chapter'!:pinkiegasp:

Comments and constructive criticism below please! I mean, if you want to.:fluttershyouch:
Have questions? Post those as well below and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Give a like if you, well, liked it. Or dislike it, you can do that too - I guess. :rainbowhuh:
This is Silent Shade from that planet with the people, signing out.

Intermission: Log 117

Log entry 117

Hello? Is this thing working? *Tap Tap* Good. I was worried the audio recorder was damaged from that electromagnetic-arcane pulse. From a scientific viewpoint I have to admit that it is fascinating that consecutive Rainbooms can cause an EMAP, especially on the scale it did. Obviously not the circumstances or situation we wanted to learn of such a discovery but never mind that.

Electrical and magical devices across most of Equestria have been down for the past week, so it is imperative that I update the record finally over the events of the past week.

The Royal Guard has yet to find Rainbow Dash’s location and recently declared they are no longer actively searching for her. And why. Military analysts and eye witnesses confirm that her trajectory was toward the eastern seaboard. She was barely spotted speeding off on the horizon heading out to oceanic skies. 24 hour surveillance of the coast confirmed that she hadn’t returned to the mainland, and everypony knows there is no land outside of Equestria, and the rest of the continent Europa I suppose.

The theory is that her supersonic speeds sent her deep into the unknown ocean where harsh winds would have forced her to crash when she began to decelerate. And that even if she didn’t crash, she would be too far out and too exhausted to be able to make it miles within distance of the shoreline. Her velocity must of taken her hundreds of miles out to sea. Depending on how many more Rainbooms went off over the ocean, she could be thousands of miles out. Impossible to return in her condition.

In my opinion, she deserved a worse fate. That lying, thieving, murderous, traitor shouldn’t have been able to get away from her crimes. But I suppose it could be worse, she could still be alive somewhere causing more trouble and anguish for ponies everywhere. Good riddance.
Never mind her; it doesn’t matter as much anymore anyway. The Princesses have been getting… worry some letters from the leaders of the other nations. Odd considering they have left Equestria alone in its isolation after Celestia demanded they leave us alone. *Giggle* No one can stand up to the Princess!

…

But, the foreign leaders are suddenly bold in their declarations, something we have never seen before. The Minotaur Highlands, the Griffon Kingdoms, the Dragon Imperium, Zebrica, the Great Buffalo tribes, the diamond dog clans: they all have sent questioning messages to Celestia. Claiming that Equestria has been hoarding the continents resources: living in the richest and most fertile land, Equestrian companies coming into their lands and draining what little resources they claim to have. That Equestria has been the source of their economic strife throughout the ages. They somehow got word of the EMAP that has been affecting Equestria, I wouldn’t be surprised if the entire continent saw that light show. The foreign lands claim that Celestia is amassing weapons and soldiers to solidify Equestria’s hold over the continents resources and build an empire! They are using the EMAP as proof of this.

It’s ridiculous!! Celestia would never do such a thing! Shining Armor may be Captain of the Royal guard, and is supposed to keep secrets - but he was never the best with them, and I am Celestia's student. Point being I am aware of Equestria's security details. These claims are, again, ridiculous.

Unfortunately, I don’t know much on the subject of these nations – except for the fact they exist. Equestria’s borders have been closed since the three tribes settled and unified the country thousands of years ago. We don’t have much records of back then, but there are descriptions of the tribes getting over residual squabbles in order to push out foreign species. Aside from those early conflicts, there are little other times we have had communication with these nations.

I’ll need to research this more; I’ve only scratched the surface.

.. Poor Spike, we have only just received this news and already some ponies here in Ponyville are giving him odd looks. After I gather enough information, I should probably inform the townsponies as much as possible. A slideshow presentation should do it. *Gasp* I can envision it now! SPIIIIIIIKE!! *CRASH!* Get my powerpoint checklist! I better review before I get studying!

*EH-hem*

As always I will continue this log when important news and updates arrive.

Twilight Sparkle signing off

END LOG:
October 2, 2 LR (Years after Luna’s Return)

Author's Note

Oh no, what are Equestria's neighbors up to? Or what is Equestria up to? Who knows?

Me? Oh, yeah. But that would be too easy.

Sorry Applejack, but the truth won't be so easy to reveal. :ajsleepy:

And for those who like chronoligicalness. Sorry, but Avalon's calender is different, so you won't be able to compare what events in Avalon correspond with events on the Europan continent until way later.

After all, how long was Rainbow's journey anyway? :trollestia:

Comments and constructive criticism below please! I mean, if you want to.:fluttershyouch:
Have questions? Post those as well below and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
Give a like if you, well, liked it. Or dislike it, you can do that too - I guess. :rainbowhuh:
This is Silent Shade from that planet with the people, signing out.