The Worst Hearths Warming Day Ever!
“Let’s see… how about a sweater?” Diamond Tiara asked herself as she stared at a red and blue sweater with cheese decorations. After a few seconds of deliberating with herself she shook her head and tossed the sweater away. “Nah, too cheesy,” she muttered as she continued to go throughout the store. After a few more minutes of looking she found a nice tea set, decorated in paint and gold.
“Ooh, pretty! Silver would totally love thi-” it was then she noticed the price. “Ten bits! Ugh, too cheap!” she said in disgust as she turned away from the cursed item. She had to spend at least fifty bits, lest she be called a cheapskate.
“Ugh! Why can’t I find anything expensive?!” Diamond Tiara growled as she entered the sporting section. It was then that she saw what had to be the most expensive scooter ever. It was a ruby red scooter made out of...metal, or something, she wasn’t sure. What she did know was the box said something about ‘platinum, titanium, and awesomeanium,” so therefore it had to be good. Not only that, but the scooter was going for 800 bits. It’s expensive and something Silver would never use.
“Perfect!” Diamond Tiara said with a smile as she grabbed it and raced to the register in order to make her purchase. Now all she had to do was find Silver Spoon and give her the amazing present she would never use and everything would be fine.
“I-it’s nice… I guess?” Silver said as she rubbed the handle bars.
“Only nice?” Diamond Tiara asked, earning a nod from Silver. “Dang! I was going for at least ‘kinda cool’!” Diamond Tiara grumbled as she took back the scooter. “Guess I’ll just throw it away.”
“Sorry,” Silver muttered. “I promise I’ll like the next present, if that makes you feel better?” Silver asked. Diamond Tiara grunted in response, her mind already thinking up new ideas.
Maybe I’ll just get her another fine dining set? she thought as she began thinking of what to do with the scooter. She didn’t really feel like returning it to the store. That had to be, like, a ten minute walk at least! Maybe I can pawn it off instead? Diamond Tiara thought as she scanned the streets. But who would want an incredibly expensive scooter?
“Whoa! Is that the new CoolerScooter that’s made of platinum, titanium, and awesomeanium?!” Scootaloo screamed as she popped up in front of Diamond Tiara, gazing and stroking her scooter.
“...eh, that works,” Diamond Tiara said with a shrug before shoving the scooter into Scootaloo’s forehooves. “Merry Hearth’s Warming, loser!” she said with a smile before turning away and walking off.
“W-wait!” Scootaloo called out, earning a groan from Diamond Tiara.
Why can’t anypony just accept something?! Diamond Tiara thought as she turned to a confused Scootaloo.
“I-I don’t understand,” Scootaloo said as she looked between Diamond Tiara and the scooter. “Are you seriously just giving me this?! Is this your way of saying ‘sorry’?” Scootaloo asked. Diamond Tiara huffed as she began rubbing her temples to stop the incoming headache.
“Nooo. I’m just giving it to you because I love you!” Diamond Tiara barked sarcastically as she turned and trotted away, making sure to slap Scootaloo’s nose with her tail. Honestly, some ponies were just plain ungrateful.
“...She loves me?” Scootaloo mumbled as she watched Diamond Tiara trot away. The way she carried herself, with confidence, as if she could go to war with the entire world and win. She watched Diamond Tiara, the richest filly in school who could have anything she wanted, trot off after giving her, the poorest filly in school, a gift from the heart. A gift of love!
Scootaloo turned to her brand new scooter. No, it wasn’t a scooter. This was Diamond Tiara’s heart. This was the symbol of love between the two underaged fillies. And Scootaloo would treat it as such. She would prove to Diamond that she was worthy of this gift or die trying.
Unfortunately Diamond Tiara didn’t realize that some ponies just did not know the meaning of sarcasm.
“Alright, Diamond, what would Silver like?” Diamond Tiara muttered as she looked in the kitchenware’s department. “Let’s see, how about a knife set?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“I don’t know, Silver seems like the kind of pony who would cut herself.”
“True,” Diamond Tiara replied with a shrug and moved on. She then spotted a fine looking fork encrusted with diamonds. “How about this?”
“What if the diamonds fell off and Silver swallowed them?”
“...That’d be hilarious, so I’ll give it to her on April Foal’s Day,” Diamond replied as she grabbed the fork and put it in her cart.
“Seems kinda mean-spirited, but you’re really cute, so I’ll let it slide!”
“...Wait a minute,” Diamond Tiara muttered. That didn’t sound like any of the voices in her head. It wasn’t mocking her, threatening her, or crying about how she ignored them. It was...nice? Diamond Tiara turned around slowly. If it wasn’t one of the voices in her head then that must mean…
“What’s up, lover?” Scootaloo said as she gave Diamond Tiara the strangest doe eyes she’s ever seen.
“...Stop that,” Diamond Tiara demanded with a glare. Scootaloo ignored her as she leaned in, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively with a smirk.
“Stop what?” Scootaloo asked. Diamond Tiara groaned, feeling as if her brain was imploding.
“Stop looking at me like-”
“I’m trying to tempt you with my rugged good looks and charismatic charm?” Scootaloo offered as her wings began buzzing, as if she were an insect attempting some sort of mating call. Diamond didn’t have to say anything out loud. The glare she was giving Scootaloo said more than her words ever could.
“You’re an imbecile.” Of course, Diamond Tiara wouldn’t be Diamond Tiara if she didn’t insult the annoying stupid pegasus. The petty insult would have to do as she turned and swatted Scootaloo on the nose with her tail, muttering a quiet ‘loser’ as she did so. Sadly this did little to discourage Scootaloo, who was grinning like the idiot she was.
“Playing hard to get, I see. Looks like I’ll have to move on to plan B!” Scootaloo grinned madly as she turned around, gazing adoringly at the banjo she had just purchased.
“Commencing ‘Operation: Banjo Serenade’!” Scootaloo called out as she clapped her hooves together. If this didn’t prove she was worthy of Diamond’s love, nothing will.
The Worst Hearths Warming Day Ever!
It wasn’t often Diamond would have her “issue”. It would usually come up once a month and last about a week or two. She would often consider those couple of days to be the worst in her life, each one getting progressively worse. This one was no exception.
Nopony likes you.
Everypony loves me,” Diamond Tiara growled, trying her best to silence the voice in her head.
Everypony left you.
It wasn’t working.
They’re all out without you, having fun!
“Oh, shut up already!” Diamond Tiara yelled out as she covered her ears, tears threatening to spill.
What’s wrong, Diamond Tiara? Does the truth hurt? the voice asked with a cackle. Diamond growled as she continued her futile attempts to ignore the voice.
Don’t mind him, Diamond-chan! another voice sang in delight, much to Diamond’s annoyance. You’ll always have me! To hold! To love! To kiss! the new voice giggled.
...You’re really creepy, the first voice stated, much to the annoyance of the second.
And you’re a big, fat jerk who has to be mean to everypony!
I’m not fat, you sexist pig!
“And here we go again,” Diamond mumbled as she resigned herself to several hours of bickering between the voices in her head. I really should talk to somepony about this, she thought to herself. Maybe Princess Twilight had a spell that could do something about this problem of hers?
You know, DT, a third voice called out, earning her attention. While those two idiots argue, we can have a little bit of fun playing the bongos!
“I am not listening to you playing the bongos!” Diamond growled, causing the voice to whimper.
B-but I’ve gotten really good at it!
No. No, you haven’t, the first voice chuckled.
I think she’s gotten better.
Where did I put my bongos?
No one cares what you think! the first voice said, causing the second voice to cry loudly.
Hey! I found my bongos! Stand back and be amazed as I-
“I wonder how high my room is from the ground?” Diamond Tiara asked as she opened her window and was immediately pelted by a rock. “MY EYE!”
Ah, my ears!
No, my love!
Not my bongos!
“Oops,” Diamond Tiara heard a certain pony squeak.
“Oh, that better not be who I think it is,” Diamond Tiara growled as she opened her one good eye, spotting a shaking Scootaloo. “...I am so gonna kill her,” Diamond muttered as she glared at the waving Scootaloo.
“Sorry! Didn’t mean to hurt you,” Scootaloo nervously chuckled. “But I’ll make it up to you! Listen!” Scootaloo said as she lifted her banjo. She began slowly strumming her banjo, eliciting a horrible, almost gurgle-like sound from it. Nearby animals began howling in pain. The flowers and plants surrounding Scootaloo withered and died, unable to withstand the horrible onslaught their imaginary ears were listening too.
“Aaaargh!” Diamond Tiara screamed as she covered her delicate ears. “It’s like listening to a heavy metal band trying to rap while riding unicycles!” she complained as her ears began bleeding.
Stop it! Stop it now! one of the voices in her head begged.
I don’t know, it sounds alright to me, another voice said, earning a snort from the former.
You’re the masochist-voice, of course you would enjoy it!
I’m not the one that constantly tortures our beloved master, you creep!
I’m not the one that tries to get her to inflict self pain unto our worthless dirtbag!
And here I thought tonight was going to be relatively peaceful, a third voice lamented, causing Diamond Tiara to groan.
“Will you three shut up already!” Diamond Tiara yelled, causing Scootaloo to momentarily stop her banjo playing.
“...But, I’m the only one here,” Scootaloo replied, looking at her surroundings. The only things she could spot was the dead plants and the dying animals, nothing really out of the ordinary.
“I, uh, thought your friends were with you?”
“Crap, Sweetie, we’ve been found!” Apple Bloom shouted as she and Sweetie popped out of a nearby bush. “Quick! Whack Scoots on the head!”
“Whack who on the head?” Scootaloo asked, before being knocked out with a baseball bat.
“Got her! Now she’ll never know we were spying on her!” Sweetie said with a smile as she high hoofed Apple Bloom. The two then carried away the possibly dead Scootaloo, uncaring that Diamond Tiara just witnessed them committing a possible equicide.
“...Eh, whatever,” Diamond Tiara mumbled as she closed her bedroom window. “Now, where was I?”
Self-loathing.
Self-loving!
Playing the- oh wait, the stupid pegasus destroyed my bongos… the voice trailed off, as if thinking. Oooh, I know! How about we all sing a song together?!
“...Right, leaping out of my bedroom window,” Diamond sighed as the voices once again got into an argument.
The next day there were two names in the obituaries.
Completely coincidental, given that both Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara were alive and well.
Author's Note
So... This took awhile to come out.
I'll try to update more often, sorry.
