Big Pink's Bakery

by jon646an

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1151

Pinkie Pie makes a commercial for sugarcube corner. Based on Big Bill's Hell cars commercial.

Looking for a way to bring in new customers, Pinkie pie decided to make a commercial. Sadly, she did not take account of the population's view of a commercial.

Inspiration by Big Bill's Hell cars commercial.
Rated T for language. Not to be taken seriously.

Now with Images!

Published 2015-01-08 02:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-08 02:00:06 UTC

Buck You Equestria!

Pinkie sighed. Yes, she sighed. Today has been a slow day and she couldn't believe that very few came to the bakery. She wonders if it has something to do with the fact that there wasn't anything that can get the ponies to come.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cake! Where is everypony?" she asked the owners of Sugarcube Corner.

"I don't know Pinkie. Maybe there were so busy that nopony has the time to buy treats," said Mr. Cake. Pinkie groaned as she slammed her head on the counter.

"But is isn't right! I know there are ponies around Equestria that hasn't visit the shop. Heck, I wouldn't be surprise if there are and they never heard of us."

"How about advertising?" suggested Mrs. Cake. "Maybe you can get more ponies to come. If you're lucky, new faces will come and you can throw a party." Pinkie gasped at the plan and sported a huge grin.

"Oh my gosh! That's brilliant! I'll be right back!" said Pinkie before zooming out the bakery, leaving behind a Pinkie shaped cloud. Mrs. Cake looked at her husband with a worried expression.

"I didn't had the chance to tell her how." Mr. Cake gave a hearty chuckle.

"Don't worry Cup, It's Pinkie. She knows what's she is doing. What's the worst that can happen?" he said before going up the stairs to tend to the twins.

"You just jinxed yourself, you know that, right?"

"TwilightTwilightTwilightTwilightTwilightTwilight....!" yelled Pinkie as she continued to bang on the door of Twilight's castle. Moments later, the door opened to reveal said alicorn, and she did not look happy.

"What!"

"Do you have a camera?" the party mare asked. Twilight's right eye twitched.

"Is that the reason to bang on my door?"

"Yes." stated Pinkie. Twilight sighed as she used her horn to summon the camera Pinkie needed. "Thanks!" she said before hopping away.

"What does she need with a camera anyways?"

(The next day)

Twilight trotted to Sugarcube corner, feeling hungry for a cupcake. She left Spike back at the library, stacking books as usual. Just as she enter he bakery, Pinkie's head appeared out of the door.

"Twilight! Good, you're here!" she said with glee. Twilight looked confused.

"Here for what?" Twilight asked. Pinkie just motioned her to enter. Twilight complied and enter the bakery, only to see all of ponyville inside. She even saw Spike there! She could've sworn she last left him at her house. As she made her way to the front, she saw her friends, all talking to each other. "Girls, what's going on?"

"No idea," answered Applejack. "All Pinkie told us was to come here an' stuff."

"She did say it was important," said Fluttershy.

"She promised me some cider if I came," said Rainbow Dash, already looking bored.

"I told Pinkie I was busy, but she grabbed me and I appeared here," said Rarity. Before Twilight could say anything, Pinkie appeared on a stage that Twilight could've sworn was not there a minute ago.

"Ladies and Gentlecolts! Welcome to Sugarcube corner! I brought you all here for one reason and one reason. I want you to see this commercial I made for Sugarcube Corner. The reason is because I am aiming to achieve more customers and I thought what the town's reaction will be. Who here is willing to watch?" Everypony's hoof went up in the air. "Alrightie then! Let's get watching!" Pinkie held up a remote, which she pulled out of her mane, and aimed it at the white screen (which once again, Twilight could've sworn it was never there). She pushed a button and the screen starts to play...

The screen turns blue and shows Equestria. It was quiet, harmonic, and serine...

Then Pinkie Pie's voice is heard.

"Buck you Equestria! If you're dumb enough to buy a cupcake this weekend, you're a big enough smug to come to Sugarcube Corner!"

(Shows Sugarcube corner)

"Fast deals! Cakes that break down! Changelings! If you think you're going to find a bargain at Sugarcube Corner, you can kiss my flank!"

(image of Pinkie pie's flank is shown)

"It's our belief that your such a stupid motherbucker you'll fall for this *squeal* guaranteed! If you find a better deal, shove it up your ugly flank! You heard us right! Shove it up your ugly flank! Bring your tray, bring your title, bring your wife, we'll buck her! That's right we'll buck your wife!"

(Shows Pinkie performing a badass move)

"Because at Sugarcube Corner, you're bucked six ways from Sunday! Take a hike to Sugarcube Corner!"

"Home of challenge pissing, that's right! Challenge pissing! How does it work? If you can piss six feet in the air straight up and not get wet, you get no down payment!"

(Shows Pinkie holding for some reason a weapon)

"Please note that the pistol I'm holding is IN FACT a water gun which I borrowed from the human world for demonstrative purposes only. For questions of the human world, please consult Twilight Sparkle or Lyra Heartstrings"

"Don't wait, don't delay, don't buck with us or we'll rip your cutie mark off! Only at Sugarcube Corner, the only bakery that tells you to buck off! Hurry up *squeal*! This event ends the minute after you write us a check, and it better not bounce or you're a dead motherbucker! Go to Tartarus!"

(Shows image of Tartarus. Tirek and Sombra are shown waving at the camera)

"Sugarcube Corner!"

(Image of Sugarcube corner...again)

"Home of the most filthiest and exclusive of the meanest sons a *squeal* of Equestria!"

(Shows images the Mane six gone crazy. Rarity from the time her mane was turned green.

Fluttershy when she 'snapped' that one bear

Rainbow dash when she got cold hooves...

Seriously, a scared Rainbow Dash doesn't make any sense, but then again, so am I

Applejack during Applebucking season when she didn't get enough sleep.

P.S. you owe me for the muffins you poiso-er baked

Twilight when she didn't have an idea for a friendship lesson.

Finally, an image of Pinkie Pie when she performed a 'G3' move during the time she cloned herself.)

Not my proudest moment at that time.

Guaranteed!"﻿

"So, what do you think?" asked Pinkie. The room was silent. Nopony said a word. The mane 6 (Minus Fluttershy who fainted early in the commercial) had their jaws hanging. Every other citizen was just as shocked as they are. Words can not described what just happened, so they all thought of one thing.

They fainted in a billy goat fashion.

"They fainted. Must be good if they are stunned to say anything," mused Pinkie as she hopped out the bakery. Mrs. Cake got up from the ground and whacked her unconscious husband.

"You have to say 'What's the worst that happen'."