The Elements of a Good Joke

by ArtichokeLust

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5249

Pinkie Pie here. Come with me, and I'll show the proper procedures for making plenty of guffaws and chortles pop right out of your friends, regardless of whether or not they want things popping out of them.

Have you always wanted to lay down the smack down of ultimate hilarity on all your humor deprived friends, but every time you opened your mouth, they just started crying? Have you ever heard a really good joke about onions and massage therapists, but whenever you started cutting the onions, ponies just started crying? Have you ever wanted to fix a wobbly table but just didn't have anything with the right size?

Then this is the book for you.

I, Pinkie Pie, master of jokes, will hold your hoof as we fly through all the different kinds of humor, jokes, and overall funny things that can be found in and out of Equestria. I will show you things you would never have even believed you would ever want to know! So follow me, and hold on to your butt so you don't laugh it off, because we're about to go on a journey.

Please suggest whatever type of humor you can think of as your read this. I couldn't find a compiled list of humor categories, and I'd like to write about things that people are interested in anyway.

I will always consider collab requests, edit requests, etc.

Character tags will change as the story goes on.

Published 2015-06-05 18:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-07 02:36:14 UTC

Code Grey: Irony [part 1]

Pinkie Pie here! Now, I know you know me as the certified party planner of Ponyville, and not the certified joke master of Joketopia, but I feel like I've told so many jokes, and I have this book-princess-friend, so I figured I'd write a book anyway.

So for today's funny-lesson, we have irony.

There are three types of irony: verbal irony, which is saying one thing but meaning another; dramatic irony, which is where actors in a play don't know what's going on but the audience does; and situational irony, which is where the reversal to an expected outcome occurs for some set of events. As you can probably tell, that last sentence was from Twilight.

I get that that was too quick, so I'll try to go into a little more detail about each one:

1. Verbal Irony

Okay, so this one may or may not be sarcasm, depending on who you ask. I think sarcasm is verbal irony, though verbal irony may not always be sarcasm.

A lot of dictionaries, like Twilight, seem to think of sarcasm as verbal irony with mocking added in, but a lot of normal ponies, like Pinkie Pie, know sarcasm as the word for when ponies intentionally say something that's nearly the exact opposite of what they mean. I mean, if some usually sarcastic pony said, "Ha, you totally failed at that", in an attempt to show their amazement at their friend's accomplishment while also making fun of themselves a bit, then most ponies would still call that sarcasm, even though most Twilight's would call those ponies wrong.

But let's just keep on describing the distinctuations or whatevers between them without giving any decent examples, because this is definitely a thesaurus:

For instance, just the other day I was busy at town hall, planning some events with Twilight and Mayor Mare so that Ponyville could be more fun. And then Twilight said, "I kind of like the town being quiet sometimes. You can have too many events, you know." Now that had to be sarcasm, because you can never have too many events. That'd be like saying you could have too many parties! What kind of crazy claim is that!? I could host a party every day for a week straight, and the only consequences would be having to clean up all the trash, no time to take care of foals, and... okay, maybe Twilight wasn't being completely sarcastic there...

Anyway, since she was still probably being sarcastic, I replied, "I know! I mean, two town events right next to eachother? You'd be celebrating the second one before you even finished the first one! What kind of pony could handle two whole days of celebration!?"

The blank stares and slightly agape muzzles they showed me weren't quite what I was expecting, but hey, nopony's perfect. Note to self: I gotta work on my delivery.

In the end, we decided to combine the two events into a single two day event, because that was definitely completely different than what we already had.

Now, all that was sarcastic verbal irony. There were also plenty of times I used non-sarcastic verbal irony:

I mean, this one time, I figured I'd hang out with Rainbow Dash again, so I popped up right next to her usual sleeping spot—a tree on Applejack's farm—and said, "Hey, you wanna go be a contributing member to society with me?", to which she replied while playing with her hair and giggling, "Why, of course Pinkie Pie! Whenever would I not?"

That was our code for doing pranks. Now, I know what you're thinking: it wasn't technically ironic if taken literally, because we were contributing pranks to the society of Ponyville. But when somepony says 'go be a contributing member to society', they usually mean to stop annoying them and water their lawn instead, or something like tha—

Ohhhh no. Oh my gosh no! Did I just explain a joke? Tell me I didn't! Please, for the love of Celestia, tell me that I, Jokie Pie, Joke Master of Joketopia, which is in the middle of Jokequestria, a country situated on a planet in the center of the funny bone of the third arm of the Jokeromada galexy, which is right smack-dab in the center of the Jokeiverse, did not explain a joke. Please, have mercy.

Because y'see, if out of some tiny shred common decency hidden deep within the folds of your heart, you held this book close and whispered, "It's okay Jokie Pie, you didn't explain anything. You only talked about your awesome code-words that you shared with Blue Fast," while gingerly stroking the spine of this book, then you did a verbal irony, but not a sarcasm. In fact, you did it twice! Can you spot them both? Y'know what? I'll give you until the next paragraph to spot them.

Okay, the first one was calling me 'Jokie Pie', even though my name is actually Pinkie pie, and pink is pretty much the exact opposite of a joke. Why it's the most cheerful, wonderful color there is, and if somepony were to call it a joke, why I would just...

Well, let's move on to the next one, where you said I didn't explain anything. Even if you didn't think I explained the joke—which would mean you were wrong—then I still explained my code-words with Rainbow Dash, which you even said in the second sentence. You really just took a common phrase, 'you didn't do anything', and morphed it until it was completely wrong. But don't worry, I got the message: this Pinkie Pie's confidence has now been 100% rebuilt with your creepy book stroking.

That was sarcasm, by the way. Please stop stroking this book. It's creepy.

2. Dramatic irony

Okay, so, dramatic irony is when the audience know's something that the pony who's living or acting through something doesn't know. Though, when I say audience, that usually implies a play, but dramatic irony can happen in real life too. Anyway, it's the kind of thing where you want the hero of the story to look out for the bad guy, but they've never even heard of the bad guy, even though they're right next to them, so the hero doesn't even know what to look out for.

This might be a long example, but it'll be a good one:

When Twilight came in a few seconds ago and saw me write that last sentence—I mean, that sentence that was just two sentences ago, she gasped with one of her 'Oh no the world's ending!' gasps. And then she said, "Pinkie, you can't end a sentence with a preposition!"*

So I pulled my muzzle away from the desk and the book I was writing, and I turned to her. "Well why th—"I spat out my quill"—not? What are you talking about?" I couldn't help it; I just had to end with another preposition.

Man, Twilight's eye twitched. She still carried on as if nothing happened though. "Because," she said, "it's just wrong!" Then she levitated some book out of the boring section of her library. "It says right here in the book of grammar rules!" Of course, she had to pound her hoof against the cover, as if that made it more important.

At that, I raised a brow to her. "You only have one book on all of grammar?" Twilight's antics always bewildered me, so I guess it was par for the course, really.

Twilight blinked. "Well, no," she admitted. "But this is the most up to date book written by the most prestigious grammarian in Canterlot: Write Right!"

And wouldn't you know it, just when we were both starting to get absorbed in our budding debate, Mr. Rite Rite--I mean, 'Write Right'--himself came strutting in through Twilight's front door. Of course, instead of announcing himself, like any normal pony would do, he just stood there, silently listening in on our conversation like he learned his manners from Discord or something.

Anyway, back to our conversation.

"Prestigious!?" I gasped back. "That's like, the snobby version of renowned!"

"Snobby!?" Twilight gasped in turn. "Where'd that come from? You never even met the guy!"

"Ha!" I pointed my hoof at Twilight. "You said it! You ended a sentence with a preposition!"

Twilight tilted her head. "When did I—" It quickly dawned on her, and she threw both hooves over her muzzle"—'where'd that come from'," she repeated.

Then, after some cold sweat drenched Twilight's coat, she let her hooves back down and glared at me once more. "Okay, maybe I made a mistake, but if I wanted to be properly grammatically correct, I shouldn't have ended that question with a preposition."

"Really?" Now I tilted my head. "What would you have said, then?"

"I could've—"She looked off to the left. Maybe she thought the bookshelf had answers."I could've said—"She stared at me again.

"From where did that come," Rite Rite stated, completely deadpan in his delivery.

"From where did that come!" Twilight yelled back at me.

"Who says that!?" I exclaimed. I mean, really, nopony talks like that.

"Proper grammarians." Twilight smiled smugly, as if she had won every competition of the wits she ever had with me right then and there.

Rite Rite nodded.

"Really?" I asked, amused at the implications. Oh ho ho... those implications.

I readied the most snobby voice I could muster. "So, if I do believe I am understanding you correctly, then to be among the most proper of grammarians, the every day questions of the commoners should have phrasing much more akin to, 'About what was that?', 'Who's next... ...on the list?' and, 'For whom should I vote?'." Wow, I sounded a lot like Rarity.

Twilight blinked, then glared, then looked down. There were loads of expressions fighting to mold her face as they desired.

"...Okay," she admitted, resignation finally having won out, "so maybe it's not for everyday use... But it's still good to have proper grammar when writing."

I squinted back at Twilight. "Maaaybe if I was writing something for academia, or for some noble ponies, or something, then I would use"—I air quoted the next few words—" 'proper grammar', but I'm not really writing this book for those ponies. This book is for normal ponies that just want to make a good joke."

Twilight stared back at me. I think it was at that moment, that she realized I had a point. "Fine," she grumbled, "you win."

Without skipping a beat, she kindly turned to the polite customer that had been patiently waiting through our conversation.

"What do you want?" She barked.

I think she might have actually been trying to be impolite. I need to remember to teach her how to handle customers some time.

"Well," the black and beige pony began, not turned off in the slightest by Twilight's barking, "I was visiting Ponyville on business when I heard about the latest production from Sherclop Pones. I figured I would stop by here and grab a copy, but now—"He glared at the princess"—I think I can wait until I'm back in Canterlot." Rite Rite turned around.

"What?" Twilight asked. "Why?" Ouch, you could practically hear the pain in her voice. What kind of pony just goes into a book castle and doesn't buy any books?

Rite Rite swiveled his head back and glared at Twilight with strong, war hardened eyes, gazing deep into her soul. "If you can't even defend the 'prestigious' author of your favorite book on grammar when he's standing right in front of you, then I don't think I want to associate with you."

I could see that Twilight was desperately hoping this was all a joke. Maybe once she levitated that grammar book back in front of her face and looked at the author's bibliography, she would find that this foal was just a poser. But despite all her prayers, right inside the back cover was a picture of the black and beige pony we were just talking to, with the words 'Write Right' right beneath it.

I swear I could spot little tears forming in Twilight's eyes. Geez, this was really getting to her.

"Wait," she ran after Rite Rite, who didn't even turn around. "I— I couldn't have forced Pinkie to write formally in her book. Even if she did, she'd lose her audience."

Finally, Rite Rite stopped and turned around. "I— Wha—" he stammered. "You think I'm mad because not everpony accepts my grammar rules!?" Then he grit his teeth and stomped on the ground. "Ugh, that happens all the time! I could hardly care less now! Grr..." And then he just sat there and growled for a few seconds. I totally thought he was gonna foam at the— "You!" He pointed at me. "Pink pony! I am not snobby!"

Then he turned and slammed the door. What a snob.

And then there was another thumping sound. Apparently, right after Rite Rite left, Twilight collapsed on the ground. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Don't worry Twilight," I said as I patted her on the back, "even if you did give him a book, he wouldn't have been able to read it."

So yeah, that happened.

In other news, I got a new editor! He'll be editing at least until Twilight recovers from her sickness and stops being so angry at me. I wish she could edit longer, but I wouldn't want the angry sickness to come back. I wouldn't wish that grumpiness on anyone...

Say hi to the readers Doctor Hooves!

"Hello!"

Oh, gotta stay on subject!

So, I think that's enough dramatic irony for today. There's probably a little more I could go into about dramatic irony, but I'm not Rarity: I don't really like drama.

...5 days later...

Lemme reiterate that, I really don't like drama, especially when it's between me and a friend, and Twilight kind of... well, she kinda blamed me for that Rite Rite guy leaving her library. That cut me real deep. In fact, even though I got Doctor Hooves to edit for me, I just couldn't write a single sentence.

But after two or three days of saying I was sorry, baking cakes and other tasty treats for her, and trying not to complain about her being a meanie pants, even though I failed completely at that, she eventually forgave forgave me. So: yaaay, bestest friends again!

And with that, my muse is back!

And I now have two editors!

Author's Note

*Twilight is wrong.

Citations:

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/irony
http://www.theonion.com/video/report-70-percent-of-all-praise-sarcastic,14134/
http://www.theonion.com/video/report-slamming-boss-against-wall-shouting-cash-i,37267/?playlist=recent-news
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/verbal+irony
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sarcasm
http://ed.ted.com/lessons/what-is-verbal-irony-christopher-warner
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sarcasm

http://ed.ted.com/lessons/in-on-a-secret-that-s-dramatic-irony-christopher-warner
http://www.k-state.edu/english/baker/english320/cc-dramatic_irony.htm
http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/ending-a-sentence-with-a-preposition

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYq2d7iKKhk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32LCwZFoKio
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VoscbQA3lM
http://ed.ted.com/lessons/situational-irony-the-opposite-of-what-you-think-christopher-warner (That poor cake...)

Code Grey: Irony [part 2]

Pinkie here! :D

Sorry, Twilight said I should break the chapter up. So, to get you ponies back up to speed, the next part is about the heart warming tale of how Twilight and I came to understand each other even better after an amazing sleepover, and it even fixed Twilight's... um... her 'sickness'. Yeah, let's go with that.

3. Situational Irony

Now, situational irony is where you've been led to expect one thing to happen, but the exact opposite thing happens. Like, you might have been expecting this book to improve your understanding of what situational irony was, but instead, the book fell and hit you on the head, destroying all of your previous understanding of irony. But don't worry, this book probably won't be that heavy. At least, I hope it wont be.

Now, as you know, this next example is gonna be all about my sleepover with Twilight. Unfortunately, it starts out as a bit of a downer.

Even though I hate to admit it, I was feeling a bit bitter for the past few days, and I honestly didn't know how she was feeling, but I got the feeling that she wasn't feeling so good either, so a sleepover was probably the best idea to remove all those not-good feelings. Luckily, it turned out great! It had food, sleeping, overing?, food, pillows, and food. Oh, and Spike was there too.

I tried to calm my racing heart as I stood at the door to Twilight's castle. This all started with a book that I hoped would help make ponies make better jokes, and I'm probably the most certified pony in Ponyville to write such a book... but instead, it only lead to heartache. Every time I tried to tell Twilight a joke to lighten things up, it would just backfire and she would take it too seriously and—

No, I can't blame Twilight. I doubted my friends once before, and all that got me was a party with inanimate objects when I should've been celebrating my birthday. It was obvious that I struck something personal with Twilight, and it seemed that making jokes wouldn't work, so I had to try something else.

That was why I was standing in front of Twilight's door, ready to seriously ask if I could sleep over. Despite the fact that it didn't seem likely at the moment, it was all I had, and I needed something that wasn't a joke. Heck, if this were almost any other pony, I probably would've given up by now.

I know I ran after Cranky and tried to gain his forgiveness for a few hours after he said he would never forgive me, but this had been going on for several days now, and it was getting more than exhausting. Every time I saw Twilight, we would hang out, everything would be nice, and then I would let out some joke, and Twilight would just shake her head and leave.

Well, here's hoping that this time things would be different.

I knocked on the door three times and waited. I wanted to bolt when I heard Twilight scrambling down the stairs, just so I could save myself from whatever heartache this meeting would cause, but I didn't. Instead, I bolted myself to the floor until Twilight answered. Figuratively, of course.

"Fluttersh—" Twilight paused when she saw me. "I mean... Pinkie Pie," she sighed out my name.

I stared back at her. I didn't know what to say.

"So, what brings you here?" She asked.

"I—" I started, but I found it hard to finish my sentence. So I forced myself. I drew in a breath of air, readying myself to quickly give my short request... And eventually, I said it, "I know you don't forgive me and I've been making some mean jokes even though I didn't mean them to be mean but that's my fault and not yours and now I've been such a meanie pants that you're staying away from me and friends don't stay away from friends and I thought maybe instead of making mean meanie pants jokes I could do the opposite of jokes and be all serious-pants and have a totally fun time not hurting your feelings and then we could be friends again."

I felt a hoof on my chin. I didn't notice when it happened, but sometime while I was talking I moved my gaze to the floor and closed my eyes as a few tears tried to slip out.

"Pinkie," Twilight smiled sympathetically. "I never stopped being friends with you."

"Really?" I asked, hopeful. "But then, why did you leave whenever you were in a group with me? And why did you make me leave the library-castle whenever it wasn't specifically for getting a book?"

Twilight sighed again. "Come inside," she said.

Once inside, I noticed there were a few comfortable looking chairs sitting around a table that wasn't the map of friendship, so I hopped up on one. Twilight hopped up on top of another.

"Pinkie," Twilight said, "you said a lot of things that I didn't find particularly funny."

I nodded.

"I mean—"Twilight pouted"—first, you said one of my favorite grammarians couldn't read. It might've been funny at the time because of how absurd that statement was, but that was terrible timing. And then in the following days you just wouldn't leave the topic alone. You kept on making snide remarks about my grammar and pointing out whenever I ended a sentence with a preposition. It got really annoying, Pinkie, and hurtful too." She finished her rant and glared back at me, but her gaze quickly softened.

I hung my head in shame. "I know," I said, "I'm sorry."

We just sat like that in silence for a few seconds. Those were probably the least fun few seconds of my life.

"So," Twilight finally spoke, "what was it you wanted to do?"

I allowed myself a small smile as I looked up at Twilight. "How about a sleepover?"

Twilight smiled. "That sounds— That sounds nice."

Twilight turned around, as if looking for something. But what would she be looking for? A book on sleepovers? That would explain why she was now levitating a book down.

"So," she asked as she flipped the book open, "what sleepover activity should we do first?"

Wait a minute... I recognized that book!

"Wha, Huh!?" I pointed, shocked out of my depression. "You got the sleepover book?"

"Yup." Twilight nodded. "It made my first sleepover a success, so why not this one?"

I shrugged, then zoomed over beside her. "So, what's it say?"

Twilight giggled. "Well, I was thinking we could read some books together, or try truth or dare, or maybe even a pillow fight."

"A pillow fight!" I gasped. "Ooh! That's perfect!" I grinned and rubbed my hooves together. "A pillow fight first to get rid of stress, then a friendly truth or dare, and then we can read books together before bed!"

Twilight opened her mouth. "That... actually doesn't sound that bad."

So, having agreed on the plan for the 'Pinkie is reeealy sorry' sleepover/party, Twilight made her horn all glowy. The tables and chairs popped out of existence, and then I heard something unlatch upstairs, and a bunch of pillow floated down. And when I say a bunch of pillows, I mean like, a whole mountain of pillows, each the size of a pony, floated down in between us.

I grinned, remembering one of the reasons why I liked Twilight so much.

"So," I said, dashing to pick up a pillow as I did so, "you think you can defeat Pinkie, ring-master of pillow fights, in a pillow fight, just because you have a home advantage? Well I hope you like—" Just then, a pillow blindsided me and sent me bouncing several feet.

"Oh my gosh, Pinkie!" Twilight gasped. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to throw it that hard!"

I flipped back up once she finished her sentence.

"Lucky shot." I spat.

I zipped over to the pile, picked up one pillow in my mouth, and threw it high into the air. Then I picked up another and threw it off to the side so it would bounce off the wall.

Twilight saw the pillow flying over the huge pile and caught it in her magic. She sneered, "You'll have to do better than tha—" The other pillow had already rebounded off the wall and blindsided her.

"Oof!" she coughed out as she was sent careening into a nearby bookshelf. The books almost came down on her, but she lit up her horn and pushed them back just in time.

"Oops!" I put my hoof over my mouth. I still had trouble hiding the small grin that came with the victory. "Should I hold back some?"

In response, Twilight only lit up her horn once more. A purple shield formed over all of the bookshelves.

"Nope," Twilight said, "feel free to go all out..." She looked at the pile. "But first..."

Twilight levitated each pillow into the air, ordering them into small pillars all over the room, forming a proper battlefield.

Now, she was slightly exhausted from handling each pillow independently, but then again, she said I couldn't hold back...

I hopped up and kicked the top pillow from the pile in front of me with all the force and speed I could muster. The meteor of a pillow shot over to the place where I remembered Twilight was at, but I never heard the 'Oof!' of a hit, just a popping sound from the pillows and a smashing and crackling sound from the shield around us.

"Hah!" Twilight shouted. "I can teleport, remember? You're gonna have to step out from behind your cover and look if you want to hit me."

So this really was no holding back then. But if Twilight was able to use the full extent of her magic in this fight, then two could play at that game.

"Okay!" I said cheerfully as I calmly bounced out from behind my pillar of pillows. Across the library, I saw Twilight doing a double take as she watched me now calmly standing in the middle of the library, several steps away from all of my defenses.

But after that moment of hesitation, she shrugged, levitated up a pillow, pulled back, and blasted it directly at me.

The pillow only met with a pink afterimage before it smashed against the floor, producing several cracks. I was already back behind my defences, readying my attack.

However, knowing Twilight, she would have already teleported somewhere else by now. Heck, she could even be right behind me right now.

I turned around and all I saw was a pillow rapidly approaching my face, but I had just enough time to duck so that the pillow only singed my mane.

"Lucky." Twilight smirked.

I grinned back at her. "Luck has nothing to do with it—"I hopped up and kicked over a pillar of pillows, but Twilight was already gone"—It's all just pure, raw skill," I called out so she would hear me no matter where she went.

The next thing I knew, I was hearing some strange twinkling sound above me. When I looked up, I saw several pillows homing into me from the air, even as I darted around the room, as if they were Pinkie-seeking missiles. Eventually, I just picked up a few pillows and flung them back at the missiles. It was kind of pretty when the 'missiles' exploded into feathers in mid-air.

Now, since Twilight knew my exact position, I ran somewhere else as quickly as I could manage.

"Hah!" Twilight exclaimed, "got— don't gotcha."

I only had a small window of time before Twilight would find me again, and all of my attacks were missing, so I needed to do something drastic. That teleporting ability of hers was tough to beat though.

Well, if she could always teleport to safety, then I would just have to make it so there was no safety to teleport to.

I darted between every pillar of pillows on Twilight's side and flung them into the air with my muzzle. In a matter of seconds, there were no more pillars of pillows on my side, but there was a blanket of pillows in the air.

Seeing this, Twilight levitated her own hoard of pillows, ready to bring them down on me like cannonballs. But I was ready. As she shot all her pillow toward me, I dodged them one by one. There were no sounds of pillow against Pinkie, only pillow against ground, and also the sounds of shards of crystal and shield coming off whenever the pillows hit the ground or the walls.

Twilight soon realized that she was running out of time, and before the blanket of pillows came down from above, she levitated her remaining pillows around to form a small igloo around her.

As the pillows fell down, I jumped up and caught one, but watched as the rest rolled harmlessly over Twilight's igloo.

I zipped over to the igloo, ready to smash it with the pillow I held in my teeth, but then I noticed it had a back entrance. Seeing it, I think I remembered reading somewhere that unicorns could only teleport if they could concentrate on their destination.

I looked back just in time to see Twilight panting and levitating a pillow above me. I rolled to the side as Twilight thrust downwards with the pillow, causing several chunks of crystal to fly from the ground, but still no hits on Pinkie...

And so it was: in the castle of friendship, owned by the princess of friendship, and between two best friends, a battle reigned. A battle that was both terrible and great left scars on the earth and the walls around it. It might have been the most violent, destructive battle in recent Equestrian history, and it was happening in the place most ponies would least expect.

And spike was making sandwiches in the next room.

"Hey!" Spike walked out of the kitchen with a smile, catching the attention of both brawlers, "I made sandwiches!"

Twilight and I turned our attention away from the brawl and towards Spike, and then we did see the stack of sandwiches the great Spike the Brave and Glorious was balancing. And, as his namesake suggests, it was glorious.

"Huh," he said, "I thought with all that noise that there would be more ponies." He shrugged. "Well, I guess I'll just have to throw—"

"No!" Twilight and I screamed in unison.

I hadn't worked that hard in a long time, and I bet Twilight was feeling pretty hungry too. It might have been enough sandwiches for twenty ponies, but we felt like we could eat that much.

"Oh, okay then." Spike shrugged again and walked back into the kitchen. Once there, he laid the sandwiches down on three plates as we tried not to salivate.

When he finished dividing them up, I noticed that while Twilight and I had nine sandwiches each, he only had two. Surely there was no more benevolent a creature than Spike.

And Spike, great as he was, did start to speak. Many would have shaved their manes to hear just one word of his infinite wisdom, but, cursed as I am by my insatiable desires, I did not hear him. No, in that moment, I only knew of the infinite temptation that was 'sandwich'.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked. "I don't think you can eat—"

I unfurled my tongue and ensnared all nine of the sandwiches, right before swallowing them whole.

"—that many..." Spike stared at my empty plate. "Whoa. I guess I forgot who I was talking to."

Meanwhile, Twilight was voraciously chomping down on her second sandwich, and then her third, and then her fourth. It looked like she built up an appetite as well.

Spike the Glorious stared at his sister as if she had grown a second head.

"So," I said, sitting back and patting my tummy, "draw on the pillow fight, I guess."

Twilight looked up from her sandwiches. "Uh, sure!" Twilight smiled cheerfully at me for the first time in several days.

Well, I'm not really sure that she heard me, but it was still pretty great to see that smile. Besides, if she had heard me, then she probably would've calculated the score and found that I won, and then she would've been sad, kind of like how Rainbow Dash gets sad when she loses.

But now wasn't the time to be thinking of sad ponies. Now was the time to be basking in the glory that was Twilight's hard won smile.