Memoirs of a Reality Jumper Q & A

by Techogre

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Queen Chrysalis
Length: 52968

This is where you, the readers, can ask questions of all the characters and the author.

The readers ask the characters and author about Memoirs of a Reality Jumper. Future Q&A will also be here as additional chapters.

Published 2012-05-04 07:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-01 03:47:51 UTC

Second

Welcome to the second in the court-mandated Memoirs of a Reality Jumper character Q&A side stories! Let me introduce the lovely people who will be answering your questions tonight:

(Alex) What? Again? Fine, just make it snappy.

(Ann) This is exciting. I hope I can answer their questions.

(Rainbow Dash) Woo hoo! Didn’t get enough of my awesomeness last time, boys? Just remember, I’m off the market.

(Applejack) I just hope I can answer y’alls questions.

(Big Macintosh) Eeyup.

(Golden Coins) Once more my Princess? Really? Well, since you command me.

(Scootaloo) Maybe I’ll get my Q&A cutie mark, whatever that looks like.

(Applebloom) No fanfic cutie mark from last time, but maybe this time?

(Sweetie Belle) I still like Meeester’s mane.

(Doctor Whooves) Come along, Pinkie.

(Pinkie Pie) Bowties really are cool!

(Doctor Whooves) Of course they are Pinkie. Allons-y!

(Lyra Heartstrings) If I can just get a little closer...

(Emerald) This is facinating. How often do these happen?

(Spike) Duuuude...

(Queen Chrysalis, from her magical prison on the sun) I was told this stupid stunt would take another hundred years off my sentence. If these keep going I’ll be out in no time.

(Princess Luna) We are delighted to assist our loyal and faithful Paladin.

(Princess Celestia) I am proud of my sister and her work in redeeming lost ponies.

(Twilight Sparkle) Yay! I get to talk to humans.

(Discord) … Oh I suppose I’ll do this, just to avoid the boredom. Anyway, they’ll be paying more attention to me soon enough.

(Gilda) You know why I’m here dweeb. Don’t make me say it.

(Grany Smith) Crazy modern fangled doohickies... pwefijp3o4fwg9y139 4 …

(Flim) He’s Flam!

(Flam) He's Flim!

(Fluttershy) I’m not quite … I’m sorry … I’m just not doing this right … I’ll just sit here out of everyone’s way.

(Rarity) Hello, darlings. I’m so happy you’ve wanted me to grace this little, what do you call it? Q&A? How quaint.

(Princess Cadence) Well, this is all new. I look forward to this, too bad Shining isn’t here.

(Author / Dan G.) Sure, but they still don’t know the truth, right?

And now, for the questions!

ShiningShadow1965

Alex, I saw you at the wedding and the gift you have given to Derpy and Caramel what inspired you on this I'm very curious about this.

Alex gets a faraway look as he holds Dash a little closer, “This was a gift I received at my own wedding with Ann. I really liked the sentiment and I’ve given it to any friends and family getting married. I don’t know where it originates, but I know I’ll keep it going.”

Rainbow Dash I know this is kind of personal, but do you still have doubts about yourself being really honest with you and Alex in this relationship I really want you to be good with each other I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship do you have any thoughts about that.

Dash looks at Alex, then at you, “Okay, I never expected this kind of question. Yeah, it’s personal but I don’t mind answering. I’ve never been as honest with myself, as any other special friend. Not even Gilda. Anyway, I know Alex will never be disappointed in me or my past, and I know he feels the same. I know there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, but this one is really close to perfect.”

Scootaloo you are a great kid and Pegasus that I will hug you and adopt you myself. Have you found your cutie mark yet, what will happen if you have your cutie mark will you leave the crusaders?

Scootaloo jumps off the couch she was sharing with Alex and Dash, “A question for me? Thanks! Rainbow Dash is always telling me I can be as awesome as her. I sure do appreciate the offer of adopting me,” she looks at Alex and Dash on the couch, and they are beaming at her, “but, I would rather be adopted by Alex and Rainbow Dash. Anyway, when I get my cutie mark, I’ll stay on to help other blank flanks. It’s easier to stick with your friends and have fun together, whether you have a cutie mark or not.

Applejack, I know your heart is not sure. If the date with Elusive doesn't pan out will you honor me in a date? If you want you can say no to this request, I will understand.

Applejack smiles coyly, “Well sugar cube, you’re a human like Alex, right? Shoot, I’ll give ya a spin.”

From a closed door in the back of the hall, you hear, “Come on sweetheart! Give me one more chance!”

Princess Luna ,I know the process of choosing another paladin is very difficult. If you look into me... no, I will not ask that. It’s very selfish of me. Do you look at the other species like the griffons, buffaloes and zebras also the dragons for those you seek for the next paladin to assist Alex?

A kind smile graces her lips, “I will consider anyone who exemplifies one or more of the aspects of redemption. My loyal Alex has demonstrated hope in all things. My newly minted Paladin, Beatrix, has shown a true understanding of dignity in both herself and in others. Neither should know their portfolio, one with a life time of loss and fear and disappointment, the other finding self worth only in humiliating others. And yet, here they are. Any creature, even a changeling, would not be out of the question.

Masterweaver

First and foremost, MONSIEUR ALEX! Hast thou, in thine travels, stumbled upon other worldhoppers? And what is the most NONHUMAN entity you have yet to encounter? Actually, break that question in two, nonhuman physically and nonhuman mentally.

Alex scratches the stubble on his chin, “If you mean involuntary jumpers like myself, no. But, there are a lot of realities out here, maybe there’s another Alex or a, I don’t know, a Jack.”

Madame Twilight, how goes your research into the oddities of human technology? Given, say, infinite budget and a laboratory to yourself, how long would you predict a technological revolution in the land of EQUESTRIA?! Also, have you stumbled across anything particularly shocking on the course of your internet travels...?

Twilight sits up a little more primly, “Of the actual artifacts the sack that is larger on the inside than the outside is an expensive, but not unknown item. The knife is well within our technological abilities. The laptop, being the gateway to the,” she shudders a little, “internet, is a different matter. Humans are much more sexualized than we are, at least you are much more open about it than we are. Alex told me about Rule 34, and I thought it would be couples snuggling, not... what it is.

DISCORD! I'd shake your talons but you're a statue! Speaking of which, what's your thoughts on the Alex thing? AND WHY WEREN'T THERE CHEESECAKE BUSHES, YOU SO CALLED FORCE OF CHAOS?!

”Oh please, I was nowhere near the height of my power. Cheesecake bushes would have been there the next day. You know, I used to know a human, bald, stoic, no fun at all, but his reactions were priceless. His friend with the bumpy head was much more interesting. Ah, those were the days. And of course I was known through the greatest actor known to man, and pony alike. I’m speaking of course of John de Lancie. Brilliant! Handsome! Modest to a fault.”

Gilda! Wait, sorry, wrong fic.

She sits in the corner on a wicker chair with a busted leg being held up by a few bricks. “I’ll be here soon enough, dweeb!” Security ponies see her and escort her out of the building, drawing a glare from Dash.

MAC! Little big Mac. I find your stoic nature endearing. Do please riddle me this, what toys have you hidden in your room? Don't deny your collector status, the show can't get everything wrong can it?

He looks at you, his face as impassive as always, “I collect miniature royal guard troops and I sometimes run historical simulations.”

Applejack gets a knowing smirk, “He means he and his buddies play with their army ponies and a bunch of weird dice.”

Alex brightens up, “That sounds cool! Can I play too? I call pegasus army.”

Big Mac just buries his head under his hooves.

While we're on the subject of Apples, MISS SMITH! Oh, um, sorry if I woke you. Just wondering, what's with the pink polka dots? Everything else in the jam making process makes sense, are you SURE it's not the paint that matters?

The Apple family matriarch squints at you, “Well that there’s an Apple family secret, sonny, but Alex asked real nice and told me there’s no zap apples where he comes from, so it won't make no difference. I’ve used different kinds of paints; water based, oil based, one of them fancy rubber paints, and as long as it was pink polka dots, the flavour stayed the same.”

APPLE BLOOM! I believe you were the baseline measure for a system measuring cuteness, did you know that? But more importantly, what are your thoughts on Mister Alex's strange human practices?

The cute little filly blushes and makes a small circle with her hoof, “Really? Me? I’m not as purdy as Sweetie Belle. I can’t see why. Anyway, Mr Roberts is always nice to me, even when he was having troubles with my sister, even after, well you know. If that’s what a human’s like, then that’s just fine by me.” She looks up, a little defiant, “I knows some ponies are upset because he eats meat, but Granny says you can’t change what you are, just how you act. Anyway, he’s family, and that’s all that matters.”

Oy! You! Orange Mare! I can see you hiding Applejack, and don't worry, I won't ask you any relationship questions. I'll just ask you this instead: Who did you contract to repair that cottage? There, see, no questions about relationships.

She glares at you in the way only Applejack can, “That’s been settled. Anyway, things are going just fine with Elusive and myself. As for who was hired to do the work? We hired local folks, including Forest Harvest and his family. You’d have to ask Alex, he has all the paperwork.”

Alex sighs, “Give me your email address and I’ll type it up for you.” He looks up with a scowl, “You owe me one, Mr Author.”

Rainbow Sprint! Or was it Run? Vateva. You have a choice: TURN ALEX INTO A PONY, FOREVER DOOMING HIM TO REMAIN APART FROM HIS HOMEWORLD.... or LET HIM SPEND HIS LAST TEN MINUTES OF LIFE AWAY FROM YOU WITH HIS FAMILY. Also, yes, you can punch me for bringing this up. I shouldn't really, but... I'm a little bit evil.

Dash looks at you, unimpressed. “Twilight, the spell we talked about? Do it now.” Twilight looks at you through the screen with the most unnerving smile you have ever seen on a pony. Her eyes narrow and her horn glows. A small vortex appears in front of Dash. Without any change of expression, Dash’s hoof snaps in and out of the vortex, leaving a hoof shaped imprint on your face. “To answer your question, neither. because we would figure out a better solution.”

FLIM! FLAM! Firstly you two are terrible business ponies, and I don't mean that ethically. I mean logically. Secondly, who amongst the cast would you go after romantically, why, how, and what will you pay me to not tell them?

Flim and Flam glance at each other with big smiles. Flam leans forward, eager to answer, “You see my fine simion friend, the lovely little numbers we would like to get our hooves on own the spa in Ponyville. Here’s five bits to keep your lip buttoned, kid. Now beat it, we got business deals to close.”

...Fluttershy. See, I can be calm. But I must ask, out of the goodness of my heart, how you handled Alex's scar story.

She looks up from her spot in the corner, on her own little couch, startled, and maybe a little frightened. She closes her eyes and collects herself. “The story he told me was sad and frightening, but in the end it’s made him stronger. He told me once the scars were gifts. Not gifts that made him happy, but they represent an experience that he now realizes gave him his first step in humility. Because he is thankful and made a horrible experience into a positive one, it lets me see those frightening reminders of terrible things as gifts as well.” You can see, out of the corner of your eye, Alex with a distant look, leaning a little closer to Dash than before.

Fair lady Rarity, with elegant styles and wondrous advice of romance, are you aware that your younger sister may be seeking the hoof of somepony Alex is considering adopting...? Or am I totally misinterpreting the situation?

Rarity’s expression is, amused. “Are you suggesting my dear little sister is romantically interested in Scootaloo?” She holds your gaze for a moment, then laughs like an angel, “Oh my goodness. She is far too young such things.”

Speaking of total misinterpretations... Mister Coins. Do you regret anything? Not just what we've seen, but anything you've done in your life?

”Regret? We all have regrets. My greatest regret, I am not ashamed to say, was the loss of my wife. Oh, do not worry yourself, she is hale in both body and mind, it is just that, I was not acceptable as a husband and, perhaps, a stallion. Who knows, the Princess may one day grace me with redemption and allow Golden Spoon back into my life. Until then, I suppose I should teach Silver Spoon to avoid my mistakes.”

Oh, you thought I forgot the Scoots? I could never forget the Scoots! And the Weaver wants to know what the Scoots thinks of the Equestrian system for dealing with foals who have been... mishandled. I understand it's a sensitive subject, but I'd like to know what an insider thinks.

Scootaloo, who had been chatting with ponies around her and hopping around excitedly, stops very suddenly. She quickly sits between Dash and Alex, looking down at her hooves. “Um, it’s okay, I guess. I have a meeting with my parents each year, and as I far as I can tell they only go because the court forces them to. I know Dash and Alex really care about me and I hope they get married real soon, so they can be my parents.”

Sweetie Bot--Belle, out of purely random curiosity, what did YOU think of Alex's technology?

She scrunches her face in concentration, and it’s simply adorable. When she finally speaks, it’s with confidence, “It’s really not much different than magic or our own machines, it just does the same thing differently.”

Aaaaaaaaaaaand now for the premier party pony, Pinkie Pie! Firstly, is the Whooves you romance capable of the feats assigned by the fandom? And, well, this question comes not from me but from another: Why haven't you told Alex you know a way home for him?

Pinkie pops out of your screen, puts a party hat on your head, and fires her party cannon in the room you’re in. “I promised him I wouldn’t talk about our adventures in space and time. When I first found this out, I asked him if he could help Alex get home. He said he couldn’t because Alex’s pony grandchildren were key to … never mind.”

((Oh and sock puppet, show the mane six Friendship is Witchcraft.))

Dan starts looking up the videos, but Alex slams the laptop closed, “No. No way. They don’t always get human humour, and I think they would find it offensive. Anyway, Sweetie Belle can never know...”

RainbowMissile97

what was the weirdest universe you had been to when you were traveling???

Alex tilts his head back and groans, “Illithid Empire, hands down. Imagine humanoids with squid heads that eat brains. I know, right? Humans were basically brain cattle to them. And the worst part? For the most part they, the humans, just accepted it. There was a small resistance movement, and I hooked up with them. Not much to say about that other it involved a lot or running and hiding. So, Illithid Empire was both weird and craptastic.”

SlinkySalamander

Seeing the way Alex reacted to Celestia, will he ever meet Luna in pony? Y'know, with similar consequences?

Twilight looks up from her book, “Oh, I’m so glad someone asked. I was hoping to introduce Alex to Princess Luna on Nightmare Night. Now that we know the effects of a Princess on Alex, we can proceed with more caution.”

DiscordsAdvocate

To Twilight: So you reckon we humans can use magic. Given we lack starswirls or any officially measure of a magical field on our home world for that matter, what medium do you think we humans can utilize to tap into the create magical effects?

Twilight flashs you an annoyed, but still friendly, scowl. “I hate to admit I was wrong, I really do, about humans being able to use pony magic. It is very detrimental to their health. However, I feel the chaos magic that is bound to him is a source of natural magic. I have a few hypothesis, but only two are both reasonable and are in accordance with the data. The first is his ability to adapt to situations, to learn very quickly, or to know just what to say to move a conversation or situation in his favor. The other I simply call luck. Things happen to him, while bad on the surface, end up being to his advantage.”

“For example, when he saved Tree Trimmer, he showed he was willing to go to great lengths to save someone he didn’t know. To us, that was the greatest act of friendship a pony could do, and it made sure we would all see him in a positive light, despite still being an alien stranger. It begs the question, was he adapting to the situation when he saw the burning house and the frightened parents, knowing the risk was minimal but the rewards great. Or, was he just lucky that situation presented itself and in performing his great act of friendship, he didn’t suffer any long term injury.”

“This is a scientific question I’m still struggling with. But,” she turns to Alex and smiles kindly, “I wonder, does it really matter?”

To Dash: So you have decided to give up being a Wonderbolt? Are the requirements for Wonderbolt material really that stringent that pegasi cannot have families? Have Spitfire or Soarin' testified to this?

Dash gives you a confident grin, “I haven’t totally given up on the Wonderbolts, they’re just not my number one priority. It’s not like they forbid families, it’s just that you’re on tour most of the year, going all over the place, and the divorce rate is crazy high, like over eighty percent. Spitfire and Soarin' both told me they’ve had relationships ruined by their time in the Wonderbolts. Anyway, I don’t know if I can stand being away from this little filly,” she musses Scootaloo’s mane, “and my big lug,” she pecks Alex on the cheek, causing Scootaloo to roll her eyes, “for so long.”

To Rarity: So you have been given ideas for clothes thanks to our worldly fashions, any particular styles that caught your eye?

Rarity looks up from a conversation with Sweetie Belle, “Human fashion? It does offer much more when compared to pony fashion, especially since they always wear cloths. However, much of it is simple and practical.” She looks down and smiles warmly, “Ann was a dear, but we both agreed she is not a fashionista. Alex did his best, but being a colt,” she shrugged. “All that being said, I quite liked the Virginia Johnson shawls, but I found most clothing to be rather plain. However, to use the human entertainer Lady Gaga as an example, not only does she make delightful music but her costumes are simply fabulous. You may see her influence in my next collection.”

To Pinkie: What is your long term goal when it comes to the culinary arts?

Pinkie pops her head out from a back room, “Still reloading the canon party cannon.” She giggles and looks at the author, “You owe me one.”

She quickly bounces to the front, “I’m working on a super secret cupcake recipe for next year’s dessert competition in Canterlot. Those new decorating tips Alex gave me might just be the super dooper edge I need.”

To Fluttershy: How do ponies regard carnivorous predators? Some keep them as pets, and you treat them now and again. Does this mean Twilight needs to feed her owl meat now and again?

She looks up, shocked, pupils pinpricks, “An... another question? So soon? Oh my. Well, carnivores eat meat, and that's their nature. I tried a special diet of tofu bits, but that didn’t work very well. I comfort the widows when I can find them, and if an animal dies from an accident, I offer the body to the meat eaters, but I always ask the families first. They understand that it’s not that they’re being cruel, it’s simply their nature. Better to eat someone who is already dead than to kill a living being. It’s not perfect, but it works.”

To Spike: Have you and Twilight figured out where the aggression towards Alex due to his scent comes from? Ancestral instincts perhaps?

”Not really. Twilight thinks it’s fera, fora, phaara...”

Twilight chips in, “Pheromones.”

“Right, pheromones. Anyway, we don’t think there’s any deep connection, just a crazy coincidence. His stink hits my angry switch. It’s weird, like I lose control. The first time I meet him it was like watching myself from the outside. Twilight’s not too worried about that now, with that whole magic killing him thing, and we have the filters working. Maybe when things settle down we’ll look into it.”

To Alex (currently thinking he's dying): Cheer up Alex. You know what they say...

Alex clicks on the link, ”I love that song!” As it plays, the room goes dead silent and all the ponies, even the Princesses, look at Alex slack jawed. He sheepishly looks at you, “But ponies don’t get it.”

To Celestia and Luna: How is it you tolerate ponies using your names in vain?

You can feel Luna’s deitific aura, even through your screen, a feeling of fear, yet also of fierce love and acceptance, “We once would punish a pony for such blasphemies, but that was a thousand years ago. We accept this as part of the freedoms ponies enjoy today, the freedoms we have been charged in protecting. It is a duty we relish, knowing it brings joy to our little ponies.”

Celestia’s radiance comes on the screen, burning in your soul, of kindness and motherly love, you feel a love filled tear drip on your cheek, “My sister is correct. We accept these outbursts as part of the love we feel for all of our children. As all parents know, in moments of frustration or anger a child may say or do something they do not mean. We now react to these things with love and compassion.”

Honey Mead

Alex: What's it like going to an all veggie diet? I have thought about it before, but well.... Bacon.

”It was tough. I mean, I had a small stash of beef jerky I kept hidden because I didn’t want to offend, but, as you said, bacon. The hardest part was making sure there was no hay in whatever I was eating. The local restaurants know not to include it in whatever I order, but some slips through now and again.”

“Mind you, now that I’ve discovered griffin menus, it’s a little easier. However, they eat their meat blue rare or rare. Doesn’t work for me with pork or chicken, but it’s always easy to add more heat.”

Techogre: What is up with Spike and the smell thing? It always bugged me, it just seemed unnecessary story wise.

The author looks up sheepishly, “I had originally planned to do something with that, but I never wrote it down in my ideas file, and for the life of me, I have no idea where I was going.

shira

To Dash and Alex: Ok then, magic permitting, foals or human children? (Assuming you survive long enough for that to be an consideration)

Alex looks at Dash and smiles, “I’m thinking foals. They and their children will be here much longer than I will. It would be unfair to bring human children in this world.”

Dash puts a hoof on the back of Alex’s head. “Yeah, foals. And he said why.”

Meeester

To Rarity or Applejack or to whomever can answer this

What exactly is aluminum used for to make it so precious and valuable? Is it the sheer rarity (my bad) of it or something entirely different?

Applejack gestures to Twilight, ”Sugar cube, I think you’re the best one to answer this one.”

Twilight, with a little smile, sits primly and prepares to lecture, “There are two types of aluminium, common and noble.”

“Common aluminium is smelted from bauxite ore that was contaminated by magic at any point in the prospecting, mining, or smelting process. In such a magic rich environment as Equestria, this represents over 99.99% of all production. Due to the difficulty in production, less than a single ton is produced world wide on a good year. This metal is desired only as a curiosity and for the prestige of owning aluminium.”

“Noble aluminum is the most complex to create because of the difficulty in finding uncontaminated bauxite and processing without magic. There is less than 1 kg produced worldwide annually, and much less than that is the norm. This metal allows ponies, most specifically unicorns, to store and focus magical energy. It can be combined with jewels to enhance specific effects and can even be attuned to specific individuals. I believe your hat contains some noble aluminium, Applejack?”

“Yes ma’am. I’ve got a thin wire sewn into the inside of the brim. It was made just to make apple bucking easier. Big Mac’s also got a wire in this collar too. There’s only about 10 g in each, but it sure does make the work day easier.”

“The Princesses each have approximately 50 kg of noble aluminium core jewelery on them at all times. It takes as little as 10 g to enhance an average unicorn, for example Rarity,” Rarity scoffed at being called average, “but she could effectively use a full kilogram, boosting her raw power levels even beyond me. I could use as much as two kilograms and be almost to unboosted Luna levels. The amount of boost provided is logarithmic to the mass of the aluminium.”

“One last thing, noble aluminium will degrade to common aluminium over time. The degradation will be hastened by actual use. The average half life, that is how long when half of a mass of noble aluminium will become common aluminum, is approximately twenty five years with average usage.”

“Now I would like to discuss the history and-,” Rarity cut her off.

“Darling, I think you have answered their question succinctly.”

“Oh, heh, I was rambling again, wasn’t I?”

“Yes, but that’s alright. It is not, in fact, the worst, thing, ever.”

Kitsuja

Rainbow Dash: What's it like having someone as loyal/stubborn as you are for a mate?

She looks at Alex, a little smile, “It’s really cool. I mean he reminds me to be reasonable, and I bring out his wild side. He talks like an egghead sometimes, but he gets really excited about it, and it’s hard not to get excited too. But, he’s my friend first, mate second. A very close second.”

Alex: Just how deep in the shit are Flim and Flam after the Beatrix photos? Unrelatedly, I am jealous of your magical knife and want one of my own.

”Up to their massive eyeballs. But you should see what Beatrix has in store for them, she’s going to...” Alex glances at Beatrix and the author, both glaring at them. The Author holds up a little sign with “No” written in black marker. “Okay, can’t talk about that. But, the knife is okay?” Beatrix shrugs and the author flips the sign, showing a “Yes”.

“Alright! Well, you just need to go to a reality where they have them. It’s basically the high magic fantasy world equivalent of a smart phone. Everyone carries one. They’re cheap, mass produced, and really handy.”

The author raises his hand, as if he was asking a question in class. “But, didn’t we agree it was a super special knife, only one of ten made?”

Alex chuckles sheepishly, “That’s my fault. Sometimes, to impress the locals, I talk my knife up. Make it sound like an artifact of power. I know it sounds foolish, but, there you go.” He looks around, to his friends and loved ones, “I know they forgave me that little lie, knowing the reasons for it.”

A chorus of supportive comments and good natured ribbing emanated from all those around him, all except Applejack. She was looking on to him disapprovingly, “You know darn well laying for any reason ain't the right thing to do, Alex. But, I suppose this is a unique situation, and I can let it go. This time. Just don’t be making a habit of it.”

Princess Luna: Would you be able to help your paladin avoid whatever it is that Twilight found is killing Alex?

Again, her aura caresses your soul, and you are at peace, “We have taken steps to ensure Twilight has all the information she needs. It is unfortunate her assistant destroyed the note.”

Twilight: What are "starswirls" exactly? What does this part of the body look like, and where is it located on a pony?

Twilight, still slightly miffed at having her aluminium lecture interrupted, climbs back onto a little box, originally for soap, and begins, “All ponies, pony like creatures like donkeys and zebras, and creatures that use and metabolize magic have Starswirl glands. Ponies have two of these small snail shaped glands, located between the kidneys and liver. Magical energy is measured in blaaneras, and most ponies can store 2 or 3 units. I have exceptionally large glands and can store 5 or 6 units. Each blaanera represents twice as much raw energy as the previous, but is only the square root more actual power. If 1 blaaneras is 1 unit of energy, 2 is 2, 3 is 4, 4 is 8, 5 is 16, 6 is 32, etc.”

To All Cast: So who is BEST PONY.

The whole cast shoulds back, “We are!”

Alex skips a beat and once everyone else has already spoken, he shouts, “Rainbow Dash!”

Dash, sporting her rakish grin yells out, “I win!”

Alex calls out, “Okay kids, I don’t think there are any more questions for you guys, how about you play outside.”

As one, they all out, “Cutie Mark Crusader Playground Safety Testers, Yay!”

Rainbow Dash: (forgive me if this has already been asked/answered) Are you going to take Alex to meet your parents?

Her expression changes to a bittersweet one, “Yeah, I’ll be sending them a letter once we get back. I was going to wait a while, but Mr Romance here had to ask me to marry him. I was a little hesitant because, well, my father isn’t the biggest fans on non-ponies. That and the whole Gilda disaster.” Alex holds her a little tighter, “Anyway, they’ll love him, just like I do.”

Have you spoke/written to Gilda since the 'incident'? Are you worried about her showing up in the near future?

She turns to Alex, “Sweetie, can you go check on Scootaloo and the other kids outside, please?” Alex smiles at her, gives her a peck on forehead, and heads out.

Dash waits until he’s out of sight, smiling in his direction. She then turns to face you, an angry snarl on her lips. “You want to know about that psycho? Fine, she still sends me letters, even though I stopped answering them months ago. Three or four every week. Actually, not quite true. The last letter I sent her was telling her I was going out with Alex, and how he treats me better than my own parents ever did, never mind her. And now, as soon as I get to Ponyville, I’ll be sending her another one, about my engagement. She can go to Tartarus for... Oh. hey Alex, kids doing okay? Great. Come here, you big lug.”

Alex/Dash: Assuming this whole death thing can be avoided, will you be
A) Getting married

Dash rolls her eyes with a slightly annoyed expression, “You see this?” she points to her stunning necklace, “ and that, “ she points to the exquisite feather Alex is wearing. “I’ll let you figure it out, egghead.”

Alex gently chides her, “Come now, he may not have read that chapter yet or maybe it’s an old question. Be nice.”

“Only for you, Alex.”

B) If yes will you have Alex's {other?] wife in attendances through the computer?

”You bet. I‘ve talked to Ann already and I know Alex wants her there. We’ll make sure his kids are there too. You know, the whole family.”

C) Where would you go for your honeymoon?

Dash starts answering, “Well, I’m not quite-”

Alex interrupts, with a cocky grin, “Wherever we can get a locked room and two weeks of room service.”

Alex: Does the rest of your family know about the 'Jumping' (i.e. brothers sisters parents) or just your wife and children? If so, how are they handling it?

”I’m an only kid, so that’s not much of a problem. My mom doesn’t really understand, but knows I’m not doing it on purpose. My dad, however, thinks I’m faking it somehow. We’ve never seen eye to eye on much, so I’m not surprised. Unless I pop up in front of him or bring him here.”

Favorite alcoholic beverage?

”That’s easy. Cider or applejack (the drink, not the person) from Sweet Apple Acres, both versions with no salt or the extra sugar version they serve to minors, and rye whisky.”

Favorite Car?

”It has been a long time. One that works and is good on fuel? I don’t know.”

Since your laptop gets internet does that mean you can play Video Games with us? Or do you not partake in the ways of the gamer?

”When you’re busy running for your life for real, playing video games kind of loses it’s appeal. But, before all this, I played a lot of Call of Duty. I’ve also played some of the video games here, very reminiscent of the arcade games you had in the early 1980’s. I’ll admit to dropping a bit or two in those machines.”

Discord: What have you to say about all this going on? You must be enjoying the show at least a little bit.

”Oh, I missed these humans, so full of that contradictory chaos that is so perfectly ordered. Who else could have made math for it. I also miss that other captain, the woman who looked like she swallowed a lemon, we had a child together. Well, doesn’t matter. I may not be at my full power, what with grim Celestia and party pooper Luna both keeping an eye on me, but I can still spice up this little party up indirectly. Just because I am the embodiment of chaos does not mean I can’t plan ahead.

Twilight: Do you know Pi? If so, to what digit, who discovered it, and do you have a Pi day?

Twilight, with a twinkle in her eye, rushes forward to answer the question. “Yes, Pi is a mathematical constant that is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter. Most ponies use the approximation of 3.1416. I do not find this to be accurate enough, so I always use 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288, but even that is a crude approximation. I have a book in my library that has it to ten thousand places, but even I rarely go beyond one thousand places. The unicorn Archimedes discovered the principle and gave us the first approximations. As for Pi day, every Thursday is Pie day at Sugar Cube Corners, but I’m not sure that’s what you mean.”

Applejack: We are all glad to hear that you may have found your own colt-friend. Do you think he has what it takes to keep up with you on the farm?

Applejack blushes and pulls her hat down a bit, “Shoot, too soon to tell that. He’s not strong like Big Mac, but he’s willing to give an effort. I know he’s hard working when it comes to tailoring, and I’ve seen him in his shop from early in the morning until late at night. He even made a suit for Big Mac, for free, saying a stallion like him needed a fine suit. He makes me think of Rarity, but in that special way.”

Celestia: What are your feelings on this whole cross-species intermingling?

Celestia’s golden glow baths you in joy, “Love is blind and true wherever you find it.”

The warm embrace of Luna’s presence makes your heart sing, “This is true, my sister. Although many ponies sadly do not appreciate that, this is something that cannot be controlled or predicted. As such, who are even we to stand against such things? Why would any being stand against bringing more love in the world.”

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle: What are your opinions on Alex, and what are your thoughts of him and RD adopting Scootaloo?

Beatrix calls the kids in from outside, and a chorus of “Yes Miss Beatrix!” is soon followed by the three fillies. She gives you a kindly smile and repeats the question to them.

Sweetie Belle speaks while Apple Bloom nods in agreement, “I think it would be great! I know they’re both really nice and Rarity and Applejack think very highly of both of them, and Scootaloo is always talking about them. We would be very happy for our friend.”

warpd

Twilight: Since you have access to the Internet I'm pretty sure you can watch movies. So I present to you one of my favorite movies, 12 Angry Men. An interesting look into human behavior. Thoughts?

Twilight squirms uncomfortably in her chair. “Well, I don’t watch movies, anymore. Not since the Watership Down incident. Fluttershy was visiting and I thought it would be fun to watch a nice move about bunnies. Since I’m sure most humans will be familiar with that film, I don’t really have to explain. Now I get Alex to screen most of what I watch or look at on the internet.”

Spike: The MLP show that Alex is familiar with. You are voiced by a women.

He looks at you incredulously, “Dude, I have enough issues just hanging around girls all the time. Now you tell me this? Ugh, I’m out of here.”

Pinkie Pie: Are there two of you running around?

”Silly question asker! Of course not. I can just jump time streams when I have too. The Doctor says I’m like a cute little Tardis, and as long as River Song doesn’t find out we’ll all be safe, whatever that means.”

Rarity: You've been watching and helping others with their relationships. As somepony from the outside looking in what are your thoughts on the whole thing between RD and Alex?

”I for one am very happy for my friend Rainbow Dash. From the moment I meet him I knew there was a kind heart beating in his chest.” She looks at Alex for a moment, “It isyour chest that has your heart, correct?” Alex smiles and nods to his friend. “And, I will agree his looks are unconventional, some would say ugly, but his manners and actions make him a prince.” She looks sheepishly at Dash, “While I am not the Element on Honesty, I must confess some jealousy. Dash, you were able to find a kind, gentle stallion to share your life with, while my experiences have been less... successful.” For the briefest moment she has such sadness in her eyes, then she collects herself and smiles radiantly, “However, I want you both to know I have only the happiest thought and wishes for both of you.” Dash hops off the couch, and gives her a hug. She whispers something in Rarity’s ear, causing the lovely fashionista’s eyes to moisten, and to give her friend a single, determined nod.

AJ: Look Alex is eating a pear! Stop him!

”What in tarnation do you think you’re doing? You spit that out, right now mister. We Apples doesn’t eat them things. Here, eat a proper apple instead.” Applejack grabs an apple by the stem from her saddlebag and tosses it to Alex.

Alex catches it deftly, “Applejack, eating one one kind of fruit can’t be good for you. You know the old saying, variety is the spice of life.”

Her eyes narrowed dangerously, “Are you sure about that?”

Alex smiles at her, worried, “Not as sure as I was five minutes ago.” He then slowly bites into the apple.

Her expression returns to one of good natured friendliness, “That’s more like it.”

Fluttershy: Haven't seen you much lately. So I have a movie for you called Homeward Bound. Ask Twilight about it and you can both watch it when you have free time. It's a human made movie about animals.

”Oh, I’ve seen a human movie with Twilight. I’m not sure I want to see another one. They’re very scary. Unless Alex says it’s okay. And he doesn’t mind.”

RD: Hey this might be a little strange, but um...Alex's sweat is a little salty. Not saying anything else.

Dash look at the author, “Where in Equestria do you get these people?”

The author shrugs, “Got to answer him, it’s in the contract.”

“Fine.” She smiles and snorts, then gives you a sultry expression

Big Mac: Somewhere far far away in another alternate dimension...a female version of Alex hooked up with you.

”Nope. No. Absolutely not. No way. Uh, uh. No way. Twilight, you get magic-ing and get me to the universe so’s I can talk myself into some sense.”

Alex jumps off the couch, “Me too, I really don’t want this to happen. I mean, him? Seriously? He barely says three words a day. My female self must have some kind of serious brain damage to want to hook up with you. Forget it!”

Alex and Mac stand, nose to nose. Vicious scowls on their faces. This goes on for a few moments, every pony holding their breath. They both suddenly snort and start laughing. Alex speaks first, “I guess she could do worse.”

Big Mac’s usually verbose response surprised no one, “Eeyup.”

Alex: If you learn magic I would recommend the kind that would let you hang out with RD in the sky. Air bending might be up your alley.

”I don’t think Twilight would ever try to teach me magic.

Have you ever actually died before you jumped? You might have nothing to worry about if you still jump after death. Granted the whole waking up remembering that you died would be a little awkward.

”I’ve been hurt when I jumped and it never fixed that up. If I do jump when I’m dead, I’ll bet I just scare the you know what out of people I pop up beside.”

Celestia: So a human named Lauren Faust (with a helpful staff) is credited with the creation of G4 ponies or in this case your world. Did humans really create this world and we are unaware of our godlike powers or do we somehow have the ability to see across realities with the power of imagination!?

Celestia smiles wisely at you, filling your heart with hope, “We have been aware of her, and humanity, for a little over 30 of your years. On the subject of humanity, did you know your species has the capacity for infinite hope? This seemingly small thing gives us hope for our future.”

Luna: Sometimes here on earth the moon can turn blood red. It's not a bad omen just a rare occurrence. I was wondering if you can do the same to your moon.

Luna gazes upon you and you feel blessed and honored, “The moon is at times coloured red for natural reasons, such as simply being low on the horizon or excessive particulate matter in the atmosphere. However, if I so choose I can make the moon any colour I wish, but red is the easiest.”

Ann: You haven't shown up in a while. How do you and the kids feel about this whole relationship with a cartoon horse?

Your phone rings, and you answer. A middle aged, kindly sounding woman speaks. “Hi, this is Ann Roberts. I thought I would just phone you, if you don’t mind.”

You say it’s no problem.

“Great. So, Alex and a cartoon horse. If I didn’t know his situation, I would be very upset. Even knowing all the facts, I can’t say I’m happy about the situation, but what can I do?”

“You have to understand that he has been alone, truly alone, among people that not only didn’t care, but were often aggressively taking advantage of him for their own wants and needs. It was not unusual to hear from him huddled in terror in a dark cave with roars of creatures in the background.”

“Please don’t misunderstand, Alex is no coward, but he isn’t a hero either. He is just a man, frightened and alone, with only my voice in the darkness to encourage him, to give him a reason not to give up. I love him, he is and will always be my husband, but he is also a man. A frail, human man. When he arrived in Equestria, I saw for the first time since the ordeal had started, a man who had hope. I knew he was among friends and we knew he would be there a long time.”

“It was funny, one of the first times Twilight Sparkle had unsupervised access to his laptop, Rainbow Dash got in touch with me, asking me my permission to court him. At first I was reluctant, as any wife would be, until she reminded me he had been alone for a lifetime, and that she promised she would take good care of him, to be a loving friend, and maybe a wife.”

“I haven’t told the kids yet, but they know Rainbow Dash is a close friend to their father. I don’t think they fully understand everything that’s happening, but they know he loves them. That’s all they need to know right now.”

Golden Coins: Humans and other sapient beings had to deal with segregation issues before and your ideals don't work. It only leads to problems later down the line. Maybe not in your generation, but they will show up eventually.

He sneers at you, “Are all humans like you? Going on about fairness and equality? Earth ponies represent two thirds of the population, we grow the food, we do the building, we make Equestria run, yet we only get one third of the power in the Unicorn and Pegasus dominated parliaments, not originally setup by the Princesses, may we all gaze upon their glory. Where, oh fair minded human, is the fairness in that?”

Discord: Your brand of chaos and insanity? Humans have done it better without the aid of magic (if magic is involved things are even crazier).
That aside a human made a theme song about you hope you like it.

”Ah, yes, A delightful tune. Like the author, I prefer the Living Tombstone version. I also find that video with you humans monkeying about trying to imitate me to be tres drole.”

Lyra: What exactly makes Alex attractive to you? It can't be the hands because minotaurs have those.

There is a shifting of dust above the gathered crowd. Suddenly, a ceiling tile falls, quickly followed by a light aquamarine unicorn with grayish cyan mane and tail with white highlights. She lands directly in Alex’s lap and is sporting a huge smile. She sees Dash glaring daggers at her and immediately starts spouting, “For the record I am not attracted to the incredible fascinating Alex Roberts and his amazing hands. It’s not like I’ve been researching and studying since the day he arrived and have written a twelve volume set detailing all my observations.” She looks around, obviously very guilty, “That would be creepy.” She quickly sit in her seat in the back, with Dash glaring at her the whole way.

Chrysalis: So that human that’s running around, strange looking isn't he. I've heard human emotions are particularly powerful and tasty. Might want to look into that.

She looks at Alex with a hungry expression, “My, yes. His love is stronger than Shining Armours, stronger because he has a love as pure for two mates, and it is flavoured with just a hint of shame and fear. I would feast on him, oh what a delicate nectar it would be.”

KMCA

Twilight: I know it must have been hard to tell Alex he's dying, but why did you choose that moment to tell him?

She bashfully looks at Alex and Dash, they both smile and nod, encouraging their friend, “Well, like Dash said at the time, I was unsure how to tell Alex, if to tell him, just tell Dash, or what. I was fairly sure Dash was going to take their relationship to the next level when she asked him out to dinner and asked me for the cloud walking spell. I guess I kind of panicked. They’re both my friends, and I didn’t want to interrupt anything special, but... well, you can see I was spinning around and not thinking clearly. But, the workaround is...” Looks toward the author holding a sign saying, ‘No’. She smiled and sighed, “Well, I guess that’s all I can say about that.”

Princess Cadence: What are your feelings on this entire situation and what role if any has love played into Alex's past/future.

She looks to the elder alicorns, who nod. When she turns her attention to you, a warmth and a love fills your soul, “I can say a few things on this subject. Although Alex has been here only a short time, he has made a positive impression on my sister-in-law, and all the Elements, especially Rainbow Dash. To use his words, it is an honest love, based on respect and admiration, not mere physical pleasures.” At that, Dash snorts a sharp laugh and snuggles into Alex. “In the same way love has sustained him in his travels, love has given him a home here. While he is not of Equestria, he loves this place and its people as fiercely as any native.”

Alex: It's all going to work out for the best buddy, just hold it together. You are ‘after all’ a very important person to many of the most powerful ponies in equestria, they'll find some way to help you.

”I appreciate your kind words, but as long as I have Dash by my side, I’m not worried. That and, come on, when you have Twilight Sparkle and two Princesses working the science angle, would you be worried? I’m not. I’ve got three things in my life; the theatre, my duties as a Paladin, and my soon to be family. I’m afraid I just don’t have time to worry.”

Also what are the farthest extremes in magical and technological realities you've experienced. You've mentioned Mr. Richards several times and while you say you've never had anything more than mutual allies how you've spoken of him leads me to believe he WAS actually a friend to you when you needed it most. Or is there just story behind this that we aren't aware of?

Alex sits back and strokes the stubble on his chin, “Reed. He was everything you would hope a superhero to be, everything you, as a person, would want to be. Heck, I was only in that world for a week, but once I got past Ben Grimm, by having Reed listen to what I had to say, he started working on getting me home. Actually, the first thing he did was build my laptop. Even if it’s crushed and destroyed, it would rebuild itself over time, I just had to keep a piece, no matter how small. It grew back fairly slowly, so I could be out of contact for years from my perspective, but, it would always grow back eventually. I think this is longest it hasn’t taken an arrow to the keyboard.”

“Anyway, I don’t know if I was anything more than an interesting science experiment, but he treated me like a long lost friend. He literally worked around the clock for me, a complete stranger, and the sheer amount of effort he put into it, well, it was humbling. He couldn’t get me home, something about a transdimensional vector that was pulling me, but he did give me my lifeline. For that, I’ll be eternally grateful.”

Rainbow Dash: First off, I know how much it must suck to finally be with someone who treats you right only to have them ripped away but just remember, even if he is to die next week you've still had time with someone who loves you and you love.
Anyways, onto the question. How has your life changed since Alex came into it, and do you regret any of it? (I can guess your "Tough Filly" answer but I want to know how YOU feel, not how you want people/ponies to think you feel)

Dash smiles at you, then snuggles closer to Alex. “Yeah, the tough me would probably say something about him dragging me down or messing with my chances to join the Wonderbolts, but she’s not here. It just feels good to know I have someone I can trust, and I mean really trust, to love me no matter what. Also, after certain bone head moves, I know he trusts me, absolutely. As crazy as it sounds, because he’s not all that tough or strong, he makes me feel safe. Emotionally, ya know. And, I don’t regret any of it, not for a second. Even if Twilight never finds a fix and we’re never intimate again, I would never give up this big lug.”

'Trixie': Do you think you'll regret taking Alex or Luna up on their job offerings and how wary are you of Flim and Flam?

She flashes you a sultry smile and in a loud, strong voice, “The Grrreat And Powerful Trrrrrixie, never regrets anything she has ever done.” She chuckles and this time speaks in a clear, confident voice, “Beatrix, however, hopes she is doing the right thing. Alex has been everything Princess Luna said he was, and I’ve found a great friendship in Twilight Sparkle. I look forward to meeting the others in Ponyville and, with a little hope and humility, count them as friends as well. As for Flim and Flam, they’re not bad ponies, just a little stupid at times. We will show them a better way.”

Twilight: What is your opinion on humans after having dealt with Alex and your... exposure to the internet.

She visibly shudders, “Humans are so much more base than ponies. They are always trying to feed some hunger. Even Alex can be very crude, and even a comment he perceives as innocent and without subtext can be shocking to us. He has learned to judge his words more carefully in front of strangers and Fluttershy, but he still slips. He’s told me ponies are innocent by human standards, and am happy to know he understands our differences. We all understand he is not saying shocking things on purpose, but it is still a minor cultural misunderstanding. To his credit, he rarely repeats an offense. More than twice.”

Alex: What would your reaction be if you encountered another jumper from your reality.

Alex purses his lips, “I’ve put a lot of thought into this, because if it ever happens, we will have to act fast. The first thing I would do is get Twilight for heavy weapon support. I mean if she can grab and hold an ursa minor, one human should be doable, I hope. If she’s not available, I’ll grab Beatrix or Rarity. After that, the first unicorn I think that could do what I need.”

“I will also get the word out to avoid this human under any circumstances. I know what I would be capable of if I was broken, I’m afraid to think what someone who was less grounded individual was capable of.”

“So, I show up, leading as many of the Element and Paladins as possible, and a message sent to all the Princesses to let them know what was happening, since they can disable a human just by being in the same room. I would have the Elements and Paladin all hang back, ready to assist. I would approach him or her, offer some food and drink, and some medical aid, if they need it. I would talk with them, get a feel for the individual.”

“If I suspect there is any problem, I’ll have a prearranged signal with Twilight, and she’ll grab and disarm them. Otherwise, I’ll take care of them until we can figure out how they can contribute.”

Lyra: Has it occurred to you that Alex would be more responsive to questioning and study if you were open and calm about it?

”What? You mean like poke him with a stick until he gets mad?” Lyra rolls her eyes at you, “That’s crazy.”

JimboTex

For Twilight:
1) If your brother and Princess Cadance successfully expelled Queen Chrysalis and her mooks from Equestria with The Power of Love(TM), what's got you and RD so spooked about Alex's offhand comment vis a vis the CMC's latest crusade?

”While we were able to clear out most of Canterlot, there is still the chance of changelings in other cities. Our main concern is what if they find something.”

2) Have you spent any time over at TV Tropes?

She rolls her eyes a little, ”I went there once, with Alex, and some of the conclusions are interesting, but wrong. Let’s just leave it at that.”

3) If you want to learn more about human magic, I can suggest a place.

Twilight watches the Rick Astley video, “I don’t get it. It’s a nice song, I suppose.” She looks at Alex, and he motions her closer, after a few moments Twilight comes back. “I still don’t get it, but Alex suggested you might like this.“

4) What do you think of Stephenie Meyer's Luna-damned sparkly vampires?

”Do I, really? … Stupid contract.” She sighs and answers your question. “I have not read the books or seen the films. Frankly, any romance involving dead blood sucking vampires is really creepy and wrong.”

5) With the exception of certain oddball corner cases, human populations are roughly evenly split between males and females, yet in the show based on the lives of you and your friends, there's a disproportionately high mare-to-stallion ratio. Is this an aspect of Equestrian society that the show got wrong (or at least took artistic license with), or is there something going on with Equestrian genetics that lends itself to having many more mares than stallions?

Twilight mumbles, “Fluttershy, can you take this one? No? Fine.” She steps up and gives you a forced smile, “The short answer is that there are more mares than stallions, but stallions tend to be more promiscuous. In fact, married stallions are the exception rather than the rule. There, are you happy?”

For Rainbow Dash:

1) Do you know a pegasus named Ace Swift?

Is he a stallion with red coat? Brownish blond mane and tail? Ya, I dated him a few times. Never picked up the tab, always a short this week. Come to think of it, he was a little short every week, in every way.” The mares all quietly chuckle while every male sits quietly, hoping never to have their shortcomings brought out in public like this.

2) Are you going to enlist Pinkie Pie's help in thinking up a "revenge prank" to pull on Twilight? Or are you just going to let it go once you find out why she did what she did?

She gets a sly smile, looking at Twilight, “I can’t tell you want I’m going to do, it would ruin the surprise.” Twilight looks away, her brow wrinkled in worry. Dash glanced at Twilight again, then motions you closer. She whispers in your ear, “That was the prank, now I don’t have to anything.” She titters at her own pranking genius.

3) Have you ever been friend-zoned by somepony you were interested in?

”Yeah, it happened a few times, but that doesn’t matter now. If any pony interested in me doesn’t friend zone me now, they’re in for a real disappointment.”

For Alex:
1) Are you as frustrated by Twilight's cock-block as RD appeared to be?

”Meh. I’ve gotten to know her, and I know she didn’t do it on purpose. Anyway, at that point there was no way something wasn’t going to happen.”

2) Did you pick up any interesting combat skills during your previous jumps?

”The only one I took the time to really learn was what I was taught by Suun Kyat. Did you ever see that old Conan movie, with Arnold Schwarzenegger? Remember the little old guy that trained him? Well I got got trained by his bastard son-of-a-bitch brother. Turns out I have very little natural skill in fighting, and he did the best he could. I only had about eight months of daily training, but, ya. I can do okay against drunks and idiots who don’t know what they’re doing, but put someone who knows against me? I just hope I get lucky.”

3) Do you know where your towel is?

”In the bathroom, beside the tub and shower, I think. You have to understand that I’m not one of those hoopy froods who knows where his towel is.” Everyone in the room gawks at Alex, everyone except the Princesses, who titter politely.

For Princess Luna:
1) Do you think Twilight's on to something with her "Alex is gonna die" panic? If so, how does it affect your plans for him as a Paladin of Redemption?

She smiles at you, bring a tear of joy to your eye, “Events must follow their natural course. I would not have chosen him if he or his influence would not have a positive impact in the very long term.

2) Which Virtue of Redemption, as it were, does Coins represent?

Luna’s gaze falls on you, and you feel you are a disappointment in her eyes, “I’m afraid, my inquisitive little supplicant, that Coins, while on the path to redemption is not one who exemplifies a virtue of redemption.” She turns to Coins, who is obviously heartbroken by this, “But, my child, you will always be close to the heart of your Princess, like any who truly, honestly, seeks redemption.”

For Golden Coins:
1) When you swindled Alex out of most of his fortune, you flat out lied about the past due date on the Sweet Apple Acres mortgage. At the very least, that's extortion, if not outright fraud. Assuming that Equestrian law is similar to American law, I'm pretty sure that whichever definition your actions fit under is criminally actionable. Do you consider yourself lucky that Alex probably won't be pressing charges?

Coins looks at the Princess for guidance, still devastated by the previous statement. The princess simply, kindly, inclined her head slightly. With growing determination, Coins answers, “I used a quirk of Equestrian law, set down over two thousand years ago. It is the principle of the weaker party has protection and power over the stronger party. Such contracts, when signed and sealed with a red hoof print, or thumb print in his case, are unbreakable. It is assumed that the party with more resources would be able to determine if the contract is fair. The wealthier of the two parties, in this case Alex, will have legal counsel and resources to bring to bear to make sure the contract is fair. I abused the intent of this law, to protect the weaker party, to take what was not mine.”

2) Even if you were somehow okay with your daughter bullying Scootaloo (a pegasus) and Sweetie Belle (a unicorn), would you have condoned her similar treatment of Apple Bloom, a fellow Earth pony, prior to Alex's arrival?

He licks his lips, a shamed look on his face, “In the past, her association with the other races would have tainted her. Now? Well, I am forced to reconsider my approach and my attitudes.”

3) While we're on the subject of Silver Spoon, I'd recommend checking to see if any of your prejudices have rubbed off on her.

He smiles sadly, “Yes, my beloved daughter. I... she is so young, I don’t want her to share in my failings.”

For Fluttershy:
1) I'm not the only one to notice this, but you've been awfully quiet, even by your standards, since Alex announced his plans for town hall. Is there a reason for this?

She peeks at you from around her bangs, “I’m sorry. I suppose I should say something? I’m just very busy.”

2) How do you put up with the constant abuse you receive from Angel Bunny?

”But, my little angel bunny isn’t abusive, he’s just misunderstood.”

Twilight grabs the microphone, “Oh, I get it! I was Rick Rolled. Still not funny.”

jplsnake252719952012

This one will be for Twilight - If Alex ever wanted children of his own couldn’t you just cast a spell to make it possible or would you have to turn him into a pony for a day?

She pauses for a moment, putting her amazing intellect to the task. ”While it would be possible to do this, it would only be a cosmetic change. His DNA would not be altered, so even if it was changed, he could never get any mare pregnant.”

This one is for Alex and Dash - If you adopt Scootaloo would you want children of your own so Scootaloo would probably love to have a brother or sister

Alex puts his hand on Dash’s cheek, “We haven’t talked about it, but if it’s an option, then yes. I have a few human solutions, but I haven’t discussed them yet. Anyway, my little pumpkin would make a great big sister.”

Dash beams at Alex, then shyly smirks at you, “It’s a little early, but yeah. I think Scoots would make an awesome big sister.”

TyrellTheDragon

What was your inspiration for the off-shoot of it where the main character never started jumping?

Everyone throws a questioning glance at the Author, who is chatting up Twilight, “... so I sez to him, I sez ... what?” Twilight rolls her eyes and finds a different chat mate. “Oh, you mean ‘Love will find a way’. The author smiles at his old friend, Alex, “We’ve know each other for over 30 years, and he’s always been away from home, lost, and so on. This is the first time I’ve seen him in love. I mean something really special. And I wondered how deep that love went. I mean, could it cross realities? I thought so.”

blawrg

@ alex
what's your favorite type of meat? :3

Alex looks off, a grin slowly creeping onto his face. Dash rolls her eyes and hits him, bringing him back from wherever he was. “I like fish, pork, and chicken. Whatever I can get, really. Here in Ponyville it’s mostly fish, but I can get some salted meats now and again. I don’t like to special order it because I have to get a 200 liter barrel and I don’t go through that much meat.”

Stalking_Z0mbie

@ applejack
i bet you can't eat all those apples

Applejack rolls her eyes and sighs. She looks at you straight in the eye, in completely flat voice, “That’s my line.”

crazynrandom

TyrellTheDragon Are you talking about "Love will find a way"? As far as I am concerned, this one was set after his next jump(or few jumps), the one where he returns to earth and to his 'former' family. At least that's what the Dash-Bot made me think, with all her small bits of conversation that weren't supposed to be in her. - Well anyway, I may be completely wrong

@ Alex
1# So Alex, when is the wedding, huh? I am really looking forward to it. So happy for you two!

”Thank you very much, crazynrandom. I hope to see you at the wedding.”

2# Any ideas for yours and Dash’s honeymoon? Where would you like to go, or where would Dash like to go? Map

Alex smirks, “Like I said, a locked room and-”

Dash smacks him, “It was only funny once, and not very funny then.” She smirks and gives him a peck on the cheek, “What Mr Comedian here means is that we haven’t decided. But, wherever we go, as long as we’re together,” she gives Alex a rakish smirk, “and have room service, we’ll be happy.”

@Pinkie Pie and Twilight
Pinkie how does it feel to constantly shatter the 4th wall and Twilight are you not afraid that the stability of the space-time continuum might suffer as a result of this? Maybe you should consider talking to Doctor Whooves, I am sure he has some advice. (@Techogre *hinthint*)

You feel a tap on your shoulder and when you turn you’re looking straight into the biggest, bluest, happiest eyes you have ever seen. A familiar squeaky voice starts to speak, “You sure know a lot about the wall. You also sound a little like Whoovsies. Maybe we’ll be back, after this is over, just to make sure everything is good. Okey dokie lokie? Okey, dokie, lokie.” As quickly as she appeared, she disappears back into the screen.

@All
Well, Alex has his fancy laptop, how about a movie night? Some good old 28 Days Later, The Last Unicorn, Matrix, Fight Club, How To Train Your Dragon or anything xD

Alex flashs the Author a look of concern. “Look, you’re not the first to suggest a movie. I don’t think any of those movies would appeal to pony sensibilities.”

Applejack- why do you have pigs?

”Shoot, we have them for three reasons. First, they eat up all them apple not good enough to sell. Second we use their waste for fertilizer. Third, we sell them to the Griffin Kratocracy.”

taz2723

@ Alex
How do you feel about Lyra's obsession with hands?

”Lyra? Lyra Heartstrings? That nice aquamarine unicorn? The one who got lost on the way here and accidentally dropped into my lap? Really? I guess that would be a little creepy. She seemed nice enough.”

Dash leans in to Alex and whispers, “That mare makes Twilight’s OCD look like a mild interest.”

Alex’s eyes go big, he looks at Dash. She nods. He looks back at Lyra, who waves excitedly at him. Alex hesitatingly waves back.

Do you feel like it might just be better if she had her own hands to obsess over?

Alex worriedly glances at his own hands, “She can’t have mine.”

Dash glances back to her and comments, “They belong to me.” She then takes his hand and kissed his palm while looking at Lyra. Lyra blanches and Dash smiles, “She got the message.”

Which do you prefer, cake or pie?

”Normally pie, but right now? Whatever distracts Lyra.”

@Doctor Whooves
Are you trapped in this alternate reality?

The brown pony with hourglass cutie mark breaths out with puffed cheeks, then answers with a distinctly British accent. “Aw, well, I wouldn’t say trapped. Not anymore, at least. Not with my new, very lovely friend Pinkie.” He glances at Alex with affection. “You know, there are over one hundred billion sentient species in this galaxy alone, but there are only two that never fail to amaze me. Me! And I’ve been around for over nine hundred years.” A manic expression of joy, burst through, “Mark my words, when these two species meet properly, they will amaze everyone forever.”

What do you do for a living?

”Timepieces of all kinds but mostly sand clocks and hour glasses. I find them really fascinating items.”

@Trixie
Do you regret not being a showpony anymore?

I will answer as Beatrix, if you don’t mind. Trixie is my stage name, and, she is not needed right now. I was, depressed, and sad. Oh, I appreciated the job, but, it was not what I wanted to do. And Blueberry Fritter was and is a wonderful friend.” She beams at Alex, “When I was offered the position at the new Ponyville theatre I was... well, happy does not begin to describe it. Alex offered me a chance at redemption, a chance to share my gift, sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly, when I will invite entertainers. When the audience wept with joy or laughter, or even sadness, sat thoughtfully, or had their hearts filled with rage at an injustice, this will be my doing, directly or indirectly.” With a slight quaver in her voice, “I only regret,” she chokes back some tears, “I only regret not having made friends like Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Rarity earlier in my life.” The named ponies quickly go to her side, and hug their new friend.

Do you harbor any unresolved feelings towards the ponies of Ponyville after the Ursa Minor incident?

Beatrix regains her composure and gets a mischievous gleam in her eye, “I do not, however,” A sudden burst of magic and Beatrix has a purple hat spangled with silver stars and a matching cape. WIth a loud and arrogant tone, she continues, “The Great and Powerful Trixie, most certainly does. They may have bested me, but they will rue the day!” The audience chuckled, “Well, go on, rue. Curses!” With a theatrical twirl of her cape and another burst of magic, Beatrix is back on her seat, with an amused smile. Her friends stomp their hooves and cheer in appreciation for the over-the-top Trixie and their friend Beatrix.

@Cutemark Crusaders
How goes the crusading? Any clues about your Cutiemarks yet?

Applebloom, being the natural leader, answers, “Mine will likely have an apple. I think Sweetie Belle will have a music cutie mark.” Sweetie Belle moans and rolls her eyes. “And Scootaloo? She’s great dancer, so it might have something to do with that. But, it really doesn’t matter, because we’ll be friends forever.”

@Pinkie Pie
Which do you prefer, cupcakes, or muffins?

As one the trio of fillies yell out, “Cupcakes!”

officialDJPon-3

To Alex,

(1) Say if someone would to hurt Dash, your fiance, what would be your instinctive reaction and what would you.

Alex looks down, rubbing his jaw and thinking for a few moments. Dash placed her hoof on his arm, gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Alex turned to her, and she only smiled and nodded. ”I’m not exactly proud of this, but if some monster hurt my angel, my gut reaction would be to prevent them from hurting anyone else. I know it sounds like bravado, and I’ll admit I’m not a warrior by any stretch of the imagination, but if you hurt my family, I’ll call in every favor I have and use every resource at my disposal to do it. But, I hope I can find a better solution before it comes to that.”

(2) So since you’re getting married, what are your thoughts on the little one named Scootaloo.(if Scootaloo overheard this question secretly tell me in a way she might not understand)

Alex smirked at Scoots, “I don’t have anything to hide from her. She knows that the day after we’re married, we sign the paperwork to start the adoption process. Heck, based on what I’ve seen, Equestrians like their paperwork, so I’ll be getting it soon to make sure it’s all filled out.”

Kris Denger

What universes have you warped to? Any that were parallel to the versions we are familiar with?

”Some were parallel to our own, like the first one where the nazis won the second world war. The one with Mr Fantastic was very close to ours, but with superheroes. Until I landed here, the one thing they had in common was humans, otherwise they were almost anything you could imagine.”

Talisman64

Okay, so I've only got a couple of questions at the moment, but I'll probably have more later. I know, shocking for a questions and answers session.

Alex: That knife of yours, can it morph into any form of handheld metal object, like a pistol (I can't imagine you using one; just as an example) or is it like the evil terminator from Terminator 2, and it can only turn into single piece objects, like a hammer?

Alex pulls the knife out with a smirk, “This bad boy in limited to solid objects, so no guns. But, it has a limited ability to alter its mass, anywhere from about 500 g to about 2 kg. It has a bunch a presets, like knife, garrott, grappling hook, pry bar, etc, but any solid object I can imagine with enough clarity I can create a preset. Let’s say I want a ladle, I picture a ladle in my mind,” Alex closes his eyes and concentrates, “give it a name, ‘LADLE’, and, presto bang-o, a ladle.” In his hands is now a crude ladle.

Rainbow Dash: Now, I'm surprised no one has asked you this yet, but would the awesome, incredible Rainbow Dash be willing to sign her autograph for a fan, here?

”Sure!” Dash reaches beside the seat to a saddlebag and pulls out a signed picture of herself. “Twilight?” She nods, her horn glows, and on a little puff of purple flame the picture incinerates. You are suddenly blinded by a flash, and a signed picture of Rainbow Dash slowly floats into your lap.

Stillmatic

Yeah, I got a question. Is our realty jumper more like Ghostface Killa, Raekwon, or Method Man? For science's sake, of course.

Alex blinks at you, looks around to a sea to confused ponies, “They’re rappers, correct?. I was a 40 year old white guy who was into Wierd Al and metal. I only know they were rappers because I looked up the names. I have no clue who I would be like. Who do YOU think I would be most like.”

Well, this concludes our second Memoirs Q&A. I hope you enjoyed reading is as much as we enjoyed answering your questions. Good night, and good dreams!

Dan G.

Note: I have edited some questions for grammar and so on, but the not the nature of the question.

Special thanks for the last minute bug hunt / pre-read / editing by TyrellTheDragon, SlinkySalamander, and blawrg on Fimfiction.net.

Fourth

The room is dark, except for a spotlight on a comfy victorian style couch, a blue pillow with rainbow trim and a cloud and lightning bolt embroidered in the corner and three fluffy bean bag chairs. There is a loud clunk as the room illuminates, presenting a series of comfy couches, all facing a large view screen and surrounding the chair. On the far left, a pile of coins and gems and a small beanbag chair, suitable for a dragon and young colt to lounge on. At the back of the room, is a large glassed in booth, tastefully decorated with two large luxuriously appointed pillows. Perfect for two Princesses.

Genosaber
Genosaber smirks as he opens his laptop and sits down in the back. “Let’s get started.”

Trace looks around and frowns before he turns to Twilight. “Explain to me again, how in Ramuh’s name did you convince me to do this?”

“I asked you to.” Twilight replies with a small smile.

A chair appears with a wine glass floating next to it and strangely ornate cane was leaning against it.

“Where did that come from?” Trace asks before he notices the energy coming from the cane. “Wait...”

With a POOF, Discord’s Advocate appears in a puff of illogic. “It’s rude to stare at invisible people!” He scolds Trace before taking his glass as it fills itself with a fine red.

Trace jumps at his sudden entrance. “Right...” He mutters. He follows Twilight to the far couch and sits down beside her, giving her a quick kiss.

Tosety
Steelskin enters the room, followed by a very careful Tallic. Steelskin hops up on top of the pile of golden coins, while Tallic lays at the base, eyeing everyone warily.

“Does the knight really need to be here?”

Trace looks at Tallic with a curious gaze. “A dragon, don’t see that everyday.” He sas with a slight bow. “A pleasure to meet you. My name is Trace Reinhart.”

A light pink pony with a blonde mane walks in quietly and glances over at Tallic and Steelskin. “Of course he’d be corrupting Steelskin like that.” Miss Sweetheart says with a sniff.

DISCORD’S ADVOCATE

Discords Advocate watches with amusement.

DA looks at Geno offended. “I write stuff for Memverse! That gives me VIP status.” He replies, flashing a blank card and twirling Wabbajack. “See?”

Hooves annoyedly approaches him. “Give that back!”

“The cane or the card?” DA smiles almost mockingly and twirling wabbajack, but gives Hooves’s psychic card back, who grumbles as Pinkie Pie drags him back to his chair next to her.

“Hey, DA, is doctor Emerald around? I’d like him to tell me more of his stories about minotaurs” Steelskin pipes up

“He is now!” DA points wabbajack at a chair and a very confused Emerald appears beside Twilight. “Gosh this cast has so much work to do. First in Memoirs, then in Jumper, then Mage’s Jump, then in Iron Dragon. Anyone without a job?”

Gilda, Blueblood, Iron Will, and the Diamond Dogs raise their claws, hooves, hands, or paws. “US!”

Genosaber looked at them with a glare. “Relax, you’ll get your turn sooner or later.”

KMCA

Matthew Brennan enters the room casually with a Lyra, Bon-Bon and Fluttershy in close behind. The room gives Matt and his procession a confused look. Lyra’s face lights up as she eyes all the new humans, Bon-Bon looks to Lyra before giving the other humans a dirty look... And Fluttershy spots Tallic and with a loud eep hides behind Matt.

“They insisted?” He shrugs off the looks before looking around, looking particularly wary of the giant dragon. He glances at the door before looking back in confusion,

“How did a dragon even get in here?”

“The door happens to be larger than it appears.” Tallic growls. “I promise not to squish you if you promise to keep that weapon in its holster.”

“Is there any reason to use my sidearm on you? I mean it’s not like I know you or anything. Seriously though what’s with all the new people? Is this Jumpers anonymous?” Matt smirked,

“If it is where’s the snack table?”

|||Bzzzrt|||
DA: “Let me adjust that sentence so its grammatically correct.”.

|||Bzzzrt|||
{{{“If it is, where is the snack table?”}}}

Tallic blinks. “...what just happened?”

DA sips his wine. “Just go with it.”

“Whatever it was, I thank you. I dislike using poor grammar.”

DA stands and looks somber. “Hello everyone. I am Discord’s Advocate, and I’ve been a Memversholic for two years. It all started when the guy written below published this really awesome story, then lured me in with his editors.”
⇩⇩⇩⇩⇩
“Are you serious!?” Matt said, hitting DA with a pillow.

“Dammit, don’t write in the way of my arrows!” DA tried again, ignoring the pillow at his feet.
⇩⇩⇩⇩⇩

“DAMMIT!” DA growls.
⇩⇩⇩⇩⇩

Techogre

An older man walks through the door, carrying a well used silver laptop under his arm and an old fashioned hat at a jaunty angle. He walks to the back of the room and takes his place, a simple little table and a cup of Tim Hortons coffee is waiting for him. Extra-large, cream and sweetener, just the way he likes them. The other writers greet Techogre warmly, and he returns their friendly welcomes.

Next, a tall and fit looking older man walks in, with a plump middle aged woman on his right, and a sky blue pegasus with rainbow mane and tail to his left. Behind, a young girl, a teen aged boy, and orange pegasus filly all chatter together excitedly. There was a subtle but distinct chill between the woman and the rainbow pegasus.

As this crazy little family make their way to the center of the room, the other guests, for the most part, greet them positively.

Alex sits on the left hand side of the comfy victorian style couch while Ann sits on his right and Rainbow Dash to his left on a sky blue pillow with rainbow trim. In front of them, the youngsters gather on various mats and beanbag chairs, still talking animatedly.

Before settling with the rest, Lily pounces on the sky blue pegasus saying, “I love you pony mommy!”

Not to be outdone, Scootaloo glides over to Ann, who hugs the little pegasus warmly, saying, “You’re my special little pegasus girl.”

Daniel simply looks on, asking, “Dad? Where’s the buffet table?”

DA takes a picture of the moment with a old Polaroid. “Photobook material!”

Techogre looks up over his laptop, warmly thanking the other writers, in his heart, for who they are. He then gives his head a little shake and quickly starts typing again. The door opens again, with more friends entering.

Big Macintosh and Beatrix “Trixie” Lulamoon walk in side by side. Mac holds his head high, proud of his new marefriend. Bea, equally proud walks into the room beside her stallion. Almost every male head turns at her raw feminine aura.

Applejack and Elusive enter next, leaning against each other, Elusive doing his best to not fall over. She is much bigger than him, after all.

Pinkie, giggling and snorting with glee, is met by a slightly annoyed Dr Hooves. But, upon seeing her gets a roguish grin and gives her a warm hug.

Rarity and Spike come in next. Spike, in his little suit, standing tall and proud to be with Rarity. She, wearing the heart shaped ruby with all the pride, class, and pure radiance she can muster.

Finally, Golden Coins with the beautiful Ms Butterscotch by his side, enters. A small shower of boos and stale popcorn pelt down on them.

DA holds up a plastic in Golden and Ms. Butterscotch’s direction. “Soror nomine, alteram sororem, vis amicitiae!” (In the name of the sister, the other sister, and the power of friendship)

Golden Coins glares at DA. Butterscotch is slack jawed not sure how to react to this as DA waves the plastic elements of harmony symbol at them “The power of harmony compels you! The power of harmony compels you!”

Coins looks shocked, hurt even. “But, I’m a reformed villain. You should all love me!”

“Not you! THEM!” DA points to the statue of Discord being rolled in, with Coins and Butterscotch hastily getting as far as possible from it.

Even in its inert state, the statue of Discord radiates malevolence. My advocate, people. He refers to DA in your minds.

Finally, two cages are rolled in. One, with a mesh made of adamantium holds the queen of the changelings, Chrysalis. The other is made of magically held light and love. Within the glowing sphere is the disembodied spirit of Nightmare Moon.

Chrysalis spits, “By my ancestors, I hate these blasted Q&A.” She turns a slow scowl at Emerald. She slowly speaks in a tone that could freeze your soul, “You...”

Emerald gulped. “We’re not to have our official meeting until several chapters from now, your majesty. This is just a Q&A.” He puts a love potion at her hooves. “Please accept this as an apology.” He says, quickly getting back to his chair.

She speaks in a low, menacing tone, “I will not forget your affront, my little drone.”

Alex, smiles cheerfully, “Actually, the only ones who will remember are... “ He lost his smile. “God tier entities...”

The changeling Queen smirks. “Just remembered that, didn’t you, ape? Well, Emerald, your punishment shall-” She took a swig of the love potion and suddenly smiles. “Mmmm! Nevermind, subject, I have decided to spare you this time!” She sips more of it. “Now make me more!” She sternly orders as she cheerfully sips the tasty beverage, while Emerald nods and hastily gets to work with his alchemy kit as Twilight tries to calm him down.

There was a flash from the back of the room, and the sound of a hoof tapping a microphone. Everyone turned back to see a glass enclosed room at the back. At first we thought it was Bea pulling some trick, because the voice sounded just like hers, but upon a more careful examination, we could tell it was Princess Luna. “Sister? Pray tell us this room does protect our little humans. And is this device on?” She tapped again. “Can they hear me?” She tapped once more. “Can they hear me now?”

The awe inspiring Princess Celestia speaks in her always loving tones, “Yes, Luna. I conjured this room to protect our humanoid friends and the microphone seems to be working. Go ahead.”

Luna begins speak, her voice filled with rage, “Foul Chrysalis. Thou hast grown over confident. We have ways of erasing your putrid mind of the memories of this noble endeavor. My honourable Paladins shall not have these words used against them, nor any of my little ponies. Only myself and my sister shall carry this knowledge forth beyond these walls.

Meanwhile DA pesters Nightmare Moon. “So tonight I want a zombie apocalypse nightmare.”

“No.” Replies the sphere.

“Why not?” DA pouts.

“Because you’d enjoy it.” Nightmare Moon says. “After the 1000th fan requested it, I got the gist of why that nightmare was so popular.”

Alex stands, looks around at the chaos, and sighs. He places his fingers in his mouth and blows a piercing whistle. Everyone stops. He smiles kindly around the room, then looks into the camera. “Welcome to the Memoirs Q&A 4! Here we go! Bea! Fanfare please!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcUnj7z6gfQ]

--- The Questions & The Answers ---

Spect
For the authors - You're locked in a room with your main character for an hour, in what condition do you come out of the room when time is up?

Tosety: It depends if they believe me that I merely saw their adventures through a muse leak, or if someone convinces them that I made them and control their destiny.

Genosaber:Knowing my character, he’d use fifty-five minutes to beat the everloving shit out of me, then use the last five minutes to heal my wounds with potions. I may have put him through hell in the past, but I’ve given him a chance at a (mostly) peaceful life with someone, or rather somepony, to love.

Discord’s Advocate: “Favorite main character? You didn’t specify which show! I mean, me and Captain Jean Luc Picard having a cup of tea and discussing wines, philosophy, and culture would have me coming out pleasant and all. But of course you mean favorite of Memverse, right? I’d say me and Rainbow Dash would come out a bit frazzled after accusations to the other of why we were trapped in a room for an hour and then working together get the crap out of there. Not exactly the best situation for introductions.”

Rainbow Dash: (snickers) “I’m his favorite? I don’t know whether to be honored or scared.”

Discord’s Advocate: (smirks) “One wave of wabbajack, and I will make you look more feminine than Rarity.”

Rainbow Dash: (glares) “You wouldn’t...”

Discord’s Advocate: (evil grin)

Rarity: “I am sure you couldn’t, darling.”

Techogre: (tackles D.A. to keep him from using wabbajack) “Don’t do it!”

Discord’s Advocate: (struggles to yank the cane from Tech) “She’s challenging me!”

TechOgre: (after a few minutes of calming D.A. down) “You mean Elusive, right? Alex? (sigh) Yeah, I think he would do something far worse than beat the crap out of me. He would likely sit in a backward hardback chair, toying with his knife. If I tried to move, he would ask me to sit back down. Very politely. And he would stare at me, in the eye, possibly grinding his teeth. At the end of his time, he would slowly rise to his feet, walk up to me, ask me to stand, hug me, and just whisper, ‘For Dash and Scootaloo, I forgive you.’ That, would be the most heartbreaking thing of all. Knowing he was a much better man than me. I think I would have raged and insulted, and maybe physically attacked had I been in his situation. I would walk out that room in shame.”

Warpd: Well my charac...wait I don’t write for this universe. Mario wouldn’t even care.

KMCA: I’d come out perfectly fine, I’d probably just update Matt on the world and apologize for all the cruel things I’ve done to him... Then he’d probably knock me out, I might be able to take a punch VERY well but muscle enhanced suckerpunch? With an armor plate? Yeah, I’d hit the floor like a sack of potatoes.

DeusExKane

For the author: what inspired you to write this tale?

TechOgre: It is a tale as old and as true as the sky. I was bored. Well, not exactly. I had always had a desire to create. This expressed itself into several hobbies, but I never felt truly inspired. Then, I was diagnosed with a serious illness. When I was home recovering (in my 18th month of being home), I discovered My Little Pony : Friendship is Magic. My daughter demanded to watch “the pony show”, and my first thought was, “Oh, Lord, MLP? Gah.” Lucky for me, it was season 1, episode 2. I was more fascinated than she was by the end. “They must have made a mistake, this show is... good.” So, I was hooked on the pastel pony, as most of you likely are.

Season 1 was done and Season 2 was months away. I started reading MLP fanfics, especially Human in equestria stories. But, they were all lacking somehow, not bad, just there was something that always seemed to disapoint. I found a lot (not all) of the characters, human and pony, acted like children, not like the adults they were supposed to be. The humans almost invariably sauntered into town, badass with a heavy metal soundtrack, every mare threw themselves at them, and there were no consequences for their actions.

For the first time in years, I was inspired to write something. I had not written creatively since high school, but I dimly recalled that you should write what you know. Since I was a kid I played this little mental game where I would, after watching a show or reading a book,imagine how I would react to that situation. It’s a fun game, you should try it sometime. Anyway, I started playing this game with MLP, and, since I was still ill at the time and the old mental faculties were dulled, I creatively named Alex after my son, Ann after my wife (she’s Anne, totally different), his son after me, and his daughter after mine. Got it? Good.

So, in a nutshell, MLP and bad HiE fics inspired me to write something I hope is better.

dargondarkfire

i see there is a story about a Matthew Brennan, i have never seen him mentioned in the main story. in fact in the main story alex always seems to state hes the only one. does Matthew not show up till later on?

Techogre: He’s from a spinoff called Jumper.

Spect

For Ann and Alex. How well do you think you would have coped had your positions been reversed with Ann going from world to world and Alex remaining on Earth waiting for communications over interdimensional internet?

Ann: “I hope I would have weathered it as well as Alex, but I’m honestly not sure. I’m not worried about the physical part. I’m a Southern Ontario farm girl, I can do anything. (Applejack, chuckles and tips her hat an Ann) But the emotional part... being out of communication for days, weeks, or even months... Alex was always stronger than me.”

Alex: (Smiles at Ann and places his hand on hers. Dash gives Alex a thin lipped smile.) “I have no doubt you would have been just fine, especially once you reached Equestria. I imagine you and Rainbow would have been best of friends, you know.”

Ann: (She leans forward to look at Dash and gave her a hopeful smile) “You keep saying that...”

tosety

Alex, is there any truth to this picture I found?

Alex: (gets a nervous smile) “Well-” (Dash pokes him in the side and gives him a stare worthy of Fluttershy) “Dash, my dearest, most wonderful pegasus wife, I swear I don’t know who took that picture, but you should be proud of it.” (Dash lowers her hoof a little and her expression softens) “You can be tough, strong, and feminine. No need to get rid of your daredevil card, pretty pony.” (Alex rubs his nose with hers, Ann looks at them by the corner of her eye with a little irritation.)

Genosaber

For Tallic, is you full name Metalicana?

Tallic: “No.”

Tosety: “Heh, what do you think? Would you like him to be Metalicana?”

Pinkie Pie: (looks at Tosety with alarm) “You mean you haven’t decided yet?!”

Tosety: “No, I have not found out yet.”

Trixie: “Trixie thinks it would be an adequate stage name. Not as amazing a- “ (Talic glares at her)

Beatrix: “Just kidding around with a fellow performer on the grand stage.”

Tallic: (look softens) “No worries, it is just that Metalicana was one of the biggest and most important dragons in Fiore.”

Light trot

Hmm so its that time again
I just have a few general questions for everyone attending
If there was a single thing in the past you could change, what would it be?

Tallic: “There are a few humans I would not have eaten. Apart from that, I could say my violence against Matthew would be something to change due to the animosity he now has for me. (casts a wary eye at Matt) I will need to resolve that soon...”

Trace: (expression turns somber) “I can think of a list of people I have had to... dispose of under the Order’s laws. If I could I would go back and offer them a different option, something far more humane than what had to happen.” (Turns as Twilight places a hoof on his shoulder, giving her a grateful look)

Alex: “You know, I don’t think there is. Any event along the way that didn’t happen may stop me having this wonderful family. (he kisses Dash and Ann on the cheek in turn)”

Matt: I’d skip the first reality I landed in. *Matt’s entire body shudders and his breath catches momentarily* Hands down I’d have to somehow pass on that.

Any thoughts on the future that you would like to share with your followers?

Genosaber: Long term, I’ve got a list of fights planned and, so far, several emotional moments that I hope will touch the reader’s hearts. As for soon, (shrugs) well, Alex won’t be the only human parent anymore.

Steelskin: (jumps up) “I get to learn dragon slayer magic! ...oh, you already knew that?”

If there were a fight to break out right now who would win?

Tallic: (looks over to steelskin) “You handle that fight, I feel like taking a nap”

Trace: (looks at everyone) “The most likely outcome would either be myself or Tallic as the victor, unless the Princesses intervene, of course.”

Alex: (smiles) “Princess Luna, hands down. Her Highness Princess Celestia may have the raw firepower, but my princess has the strength of will and willingness to do what is needed in a fight.”

Dash: (pokes Alex in the side.) “No way, you big lug! My Princess would win hooves down.”

Fluttershy: (raises her hoof) “Um... sorry... but I think Princess Cadence would win.” (Fluttershy gets a dreamy expression on her face) “Because you all know that love conquers all.”

Discord’s Advocate: “No, Angel Bunny. Cause no amount of love can quell his evil heart. You just wait. He’ll conquer us all.”

Fluttershy: (give D.A. an annoyed look)

Alex: (smiles at Angel and rubs his chin thoughtfully)

Rainbow Dash: (laughs)

Angel: (rubs his paws sinisterly)

Tallic: (raises an eyebrow at Angel)

Matt: It’d be a massive draw with everyone losing... Let’s just say my armor is death trapped, I die so does a radius of up to around 2.3 kilometres. The armor AI handles the blast radius calculations, it’s a little hard to do math when you’re dead.

And something that's been nagging me for a while; To whomever can answer this what exactly are the laws in equestria across the memverse relating to unknown intelligent life?

Luna: “If I may, my sister. (Celestia nods) That is simple. We merely make contact, appraise the being, and make a decision on whether he/she/it is a threat to our nation, and deal with it appropriately. As they are unknown, we take them on a case by case basis. (Alex gives her an encouraging look from across the room. Luna sighs.) And of course, we will always give them the benefit of the doubt.”

Tallic: “That is good to know. I assume that will hold true for foreign creatures that are analogous to less desirable species?”

LonelyPegasusGuitar

this question is for everyone/everypony but mainly alex in a sense so heres my question
so............what’s ups with bananas?

Alex is about to answer until he suddenly begins to blush and feels a bit...randy? The shadow of an Alicorn appears behind him and speaks.

Princess Molestia: “Yes Alex, what is up with those biiiiiig, loooooooong, succulent...”
A sudden burst of energy zaps Molly out of the room with Princess Celestia’s horn shining bright.

Princess Celestia: “New rule for Q&As, Mr. Techogre. Banana is a forbidden word.”

Techogre: (audibly gulps) “Yes, ma’am. Sorry, ma’am. Never happen again, ma’am.”

Alex: “Y-yeah, please.”

Rainbow Dash: “Uh, Alex? You’re fondling my cutie mark.”

Ann: “And my thigh.”

Alex: (regained his composure) “S-sorry. That strange Alicorn’s aura was...influencing me.”

Rainbow Dash: (gives Alex a sultry look) “I didn’t say you should stop.”

Ann: (Grins and takes Alex’s hand and puts it on her lap)

Tallic: “Would you like me to dispatch the questioner, Princess?”

Princess Celestia: (She taps her chin, pondering the implications) “No. Best not to do it. Sets a bad precedent.”

Leo Heartship

I would like to ask a few questions....
Firstly to Sapphire - I would like you know a bit more about you, cute little thing. What hobbies and such do you enjoy? Also do you have the CMC uniform (I do.)

Sapphire: Sapphire hops up on her daddy’s (Emerald) head and stands between his ears. The adorable filly looks happily into your eyes. You suddenly know in your mind as if she has already answered the question, though it had taken as much time as it would for her to speak it to fully understand. You know that Sapphire loves being called cute, even though Sweetie Belle competes for being the cutest as well, but it’s all in good fun. You know that her hobbies are spending time with friends and trying to get a cutie mark with the CMC. Finally, she shows off her CMC uniform with a pose. Emerald smiles up to his daughter. “I hope that answers your question, good sir.” Everyone smiles warmly at the little one. Even Queen Chrysalis murmured, “My lovely granddaughter”.

Tallic: “So that explains Emerald’s scent...”

Matt - Are you going to allow the ponies at Canterlot University reverse engineer any part of your armor? Also, maybe you should get your Lyra or Alex's to get a restraining order on the other (Just an idea to help make things easier, I know it won't work.)

Matt: I doubt my home reality could reverse engineer much of it. When you can compress a human mind to a single teraflop of data, personality and all, you know the OS of the system is kind of beyond our understanding. Although I will say that the Crystal Resonance Generator and micro-CRG in the sidearm are something that would probably be easier understood in equestria than earth. Reproducing it however, that’s another story. Although, Earth might be able to do it, even if they didn’t understand how.

Big Mac - Don't worry I'm big for a human (about 6' 5") and still enjoy childlike things, so ignore those that make fun of Smartypants (have you promoted him in your figurine army yet?)

Big Mac: “Ain’t no shame is playing with wargaming miniatures. Them army colts play with them all the time. After a long day of pulling a plough there’s nothing like meeting up with your friends, laying out a table, and refighting some historical battle, or shout with your team ‘For The Empress!’ or ‘GWAAAARRRR’ to see who goes first. As for Miss Smarty Pants, that there is something special and private between me and Miss Sparkle.”

Bea - Find out any good recipes while working at the coffee shop? (Maybe you and Pinkie can share notes?)

Beatrix: (rolls her eyes) It was coffee and doughnuts, sweetie. Not even the good kind. But, that Pinkie is such a sweetheart. Remember when Alex said she was making a pastry named after me? Well, right after he left, just before the attack, Pinkie dropped by with four different kinds. She wanted me to pick the one I liked best. They were all so good, even the Great and Powerful Trixie would have had trouble picking.

Trixie - How did you create such a BRILLIANT performing costume?

Trixie: (cape and hat fly onto Beatrix) “The Great and Powerful Trixie is the greatest fashion mind...” (Rarity clears her throat) “... among the greatest fashion minds...”

Rarity: (titters, Bea almost breaks character)

Trixie: “...in all of Equestria! How could Trixie not look stunning? Impossible.” (Bea and Rarity giggle together.)

Rarity - Has Alex shown you the brilliance of steampunk fashion? Also what would you recommend as a good Nightmare Night costume for everypony? (No need to tell them, I just don't want to double up my one with anypony else's.)

Rarity: “I’m afraid he has. I do believe he was playing a prank on me. However, if you’re saying it’s an actual fashion... it is certainly a very human thing, with it’s fascination with non-magical clockwork machinery. Really quite strange.”

“Now, as for Nightmare Night costumes, I find those to be wonderfully fun to design and I always tailor it to the individual. Sadly, Elusive snatched the height of my design challenge. I hope one day I get his dear Ann to design for. Honestly, I would settle for any human female.”

Fluttershy - You know you're an instant anti-depressant right? With that out of the way, what would you recommend for a person who is always on the go, but wants a pet? On another note, if I could jump to Equestria, would you be willing to go flying with me? There are brilliant things called Sailplanes or gliders which could allow me to do so. I just find you so graceful when you fly. (Sorry Dash, your flying is awesome. But I don't always like having it turned up to 11.)

Fluttershy: “I’m glad you found that show helpful, but I’m still not comfortable with everypony in your world being so interested in me.”

Alex: “Come on, Flutters. You’re cute as a button and you know it.”

Fluttershy: (head snaps toward Alex, and when she speaks her voice drops an octave): “Don’t call me Flutters.”

Alex: “Yes ma’am.”

Rainbow Dash - So who's the planning committee your Bachelorette Party? Also describe Alex and the way you feel for him in the style of a air routine. Would you also name a new move after Alex or Scoots?

Dash: (sighs) “Who do you think? Do you really think a certain ‘pink party pony’ will ever take no for an answer?”

Pinkie (high pitched squeal): “Come on Dashie! You love a good party!” (she looks around slyly) “And I’m serving a special carrot banana soup. You know...” (elbows a brightly blushing Dash) “Carrot so you can see in the dark, banana so you have something to do.”

Princess Celestia: (A stern but motherly expression.) “Pinkie Pie, don’t you recall? No banana references? There are foals reading this.”

Pinkie: (giggles) “Okay Princess!” (points a hoof at Celestia) “But you just said it!”

Princess Celestia: (facehoof)

Dash: “As for how I feel for Alex? That’s easy. Flying in low, unseen, unexpected, then bursting straight up in a barrel roll, and once I’m at the top, dive straight toward the crowd and do a sonic rainboom right above them. (she leans into Alex) That’s how he makes me feel. Of course, I would have to have the perfect stunt to name them after Alex or Scoots, or even my human kids. Maybe some simple, second rate stunt for Ann. (Ann glares at Dash) I’m just kidding there, alpha mare.”

Speaking of Scoots I see you there! How's the flying going? I know waiting can be rough, I'd give you a friendly hug if I could. (Could somepony give that filly a hug?)

Scootaloo: “I’m getting better. I can keep airborne for a couple of minutes now, but I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough to help with the hurricane to pull water to cloudsdale.”

Ann: “None of that silly talk. I’m your mother, and I say you’ll out fly all those... Wonderflyers?”

Scootaloo: (The young filly blushes and smiles) “Wonderbolts, mom.”

Alex: (nodes in agreement)

Dash: “Yeah.” (Dash looks kindly at Ann.) Both your moms and your dad say so.”

So Twilight? What is your secret for being able to study so much and to have so much focus? I know a lot of us would like to know. Also a progress report on treatment of Alex's "aliment" if you please!

Twilight: (smiles) “Since I started reading, I found it easier to retain information I read as I grew up. I paced myself to improve my reading speed and found myself able to read faster. Then l learned a trick to slow perception of time while I read.”

Rainbow Dash: “...HUH?!”

Emerald: “She speeds up her mind to read faster.”

Twilight: “Its a very delicate state of mind developed by Starswirl the Bearded. And it has allowed me to read quickly if I need to. Though I don’t do it often as it gives me headaches if I do it all day.”

Rainbow Dash: “Translated, eggheads read faster. OW!”

Twilight: (Nips at RD’s ear.)

Alex and Emerald: “Ladies, no bickering.” (Alex and Emerald surreptitiously high five each other.)

Pinkie... Pinkie... I don't have a question, but a thank you. The Smile song really helped me out of a bad spot so thanks. You look after her right okay Time Turner! That mare saved my life (and now the secrets out)

Pinkie: “Thanks a lot! I really love my brony friends and want you to know I watch you all the time!”

Doctor Hooves: “Time Turner was my temporary cover name. If you look over to the left of this dialog, you’ll see my real name. However, I promise to take very good care of her. Just, keep those bloody pears away from me.”

To the Lyra's. You like music? Here is some great music you may (that second one means a lot to me.) like (that last one has been stuck in head for the past three days THREE!)

Lyra: “That first one is nice, although Tosety showed me somepony that uses a variant of my instrument in a novel way
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R061gfebd7Q

To the Princesses (bows respectfully) have you explored the vast expanses of the Internet yet? (With safe search on of course.)

Celestia: “I have asked for the use of Alex’s laptop, but every time I ask Twilight, she gets nervous and makes excuses for why it is not available.”

Luna: “I am also interested in it, from what my sister tells me. It is practically a gateway to another world. I would love to see the wonders of his world with more clarity...and Super Mario World. I really want to see that too.”

Cadence: “Games, Auntie Luna? Really?”

Luna: (giggles)

Cadence: “I am intrigued by that device, considering it links Alex to his home universe. Even more intrigued it was fashioned by another of his kind in another universe! Though I don’t understand why the same individual couldn’t use the same science to transport Alex back to his home.”

Alex: “I can answer that question. Because I had a limited amount of time and Dr. Richards had only enough scientific knowledge to work the quantum ethernet connection. He practically tossed it to me before I jumped with a handwritten note on what it does. You can imagine my joy when I finally was able to contact Ann again. That thing has made it possible for me to stay sane. (Alex brightens) I may also have a possible way of giving everyone their own laptop. Because it can rebuild itself from as small a piece as my thumb, I wonder what will happen if I break a piece off... and just let it regenerate.”

Twilght: “That’s great. Just... great.”

Emerald: “You mean it asexually reproduces? An...an invasive silicon species? Science can go too far!”

Celestia and Luna together: “May I have a piece?”

Luna: (in a stage whisper to Celestia) “I’ll remind him in the main story.”

Celestia: (nods enthusiastically)

Luna I must say I'm jealous of the folk in Equestria being able to witness the beauty of your night. Also, how many bits have you sunk into beating the high scores at the arcades at Canterlot? (Just heard a little rumor, thought you would best be informed of it.)

Luna: (Smiles meekly) “Well, between Las Pegasus, Manehattan, Baltimare, and that little place that has my favorite pinball machines in Canterlot...”

Celestia: (gives her sister a serious look) “How much?”

Luna: “...1000 bits a year?”

Celestia: (pauses then smiles to her gently) “That isn’t a problem, sister. I am glad Equestria now has a nightlife for you to enjoy. Just don’t let it interfere with your duties.”

Luna: (nods happily)

Celestia when are you going to have a day off and let your mane down? In fact this question goes to all the Princesses, you all work so hard. Have a day off...

Celestia: “Oh, I have my ‘time off’ pretty regularly. Mostly, I visit Twilight, but she tends to overplan it, so I have to make my own fun, like bringing my pet phoenix while she’s molting. (Twilight is heard to gasp) As to ‘letting my hair down’ I have an image to maintain, so by necessity that will never be seen by you.”

Luna: “Never to be seen by a subject, but what if to impress a future suitor?”

Celestia: “After being married and widowed three times, I am not planning on starting another relationship anytime soon.”

Luna: “Didn’t you say that everytime before you met each of them?”

Celestia: “Hush. My past relationships are not for this exposition.”

Applejack, how are things with Elusive? Hope things bloom, as they have done so for a certain couple. Here is a gift from me (you should sing it to Applejack, Elusive.)

Applejack: “Shoot, ah think he and I are doing just fine. Truth be known, I never thought I would fall for a stallion like him. But now my heart beats for him and his pa.”

Elusive: “I never thought in my life I would belong to any one pony, until I met A.J. She’s strong but still feminine, you know. And the more I got to know her, the more I realized she was the one for me. Heck, I stared down her brother for her. He’s huge! Heck, I think I even wet myself when I did it, but for her, I stood my ground. So yeah, my heart beats only for her and the family, (he chuckles) even Big Mac.”

Big Macintosh: “I still can’t believe she’s being courted by that skinny little tailor.”

Elusive: (Speaking like a stereotypical gay fop) “Fashion designer, sir. I make stallions shine!” (Applejack chuckles and Big Macintosh groans)

Everyone - You should write friendship (or romance) reports about what you have learned. It would be interesting to know what you have learned.

Tallic: “Dear Princess Luna, Today I met some creatures I did not want to grind into paste. Is that what you mean when you talk about having ‘friends’?”

Discord’s Advocate: “Dear Princesses. I am glad to have met all these fellow writers to call my friends, share my ideas with, and benefit from their ideas...and bacon. I’m really thankful for that too.”

Genosaber: “Dear Princess Celestia, Since becoming a writer I’ve met several great people, all of whom I am honored to consider my friends.”

Trace: (thinks for a second) “Dear Princess Luna, because of one of you and your sister’s subjects I have been able to experience love again.” (turns to Twilight) “How was that?”

Twilight: (leans over and gives Trace a quick kiss) “Touching.”

Alex: “Dear Princess Celestia: Despite being given the dirty end of the stick, sometimes, the universe just gives you a gift, like you, your world, and my wonderful family.”

Alex: “Dear Princess Luna: I learned that doing the right thing is always the right thing to do.”

Alex: “Dear Princess Cadence: I learned that you make a mean chicken breast. Seriously, I want the recipe.”

TechOgre: “Dear Princess Celestia: I didn’t learn anything!”

Celestia: “That was funny on the show. Not here.”

TechOgre: “Sorry. Dear Princess Celestia: I learned that the more you give, the less it feels like giving, and the more you receive in friendship, laughter, and joy.”

Emerald: “Dear Princesses, I am glad to finally get written into this fic and look forward to future chapters to see where my character development goes.”

Tosety: “Ah, well, it’s kinda nice having people that share your interests, and bonds of community can even happen when all you have are words on a page.”

Warpd: “Dear Princess Celestia: Buy some apples!

Pinkie, did Time Turner tell you of a large order of food? Well that was for now.

(Steelskin and Alex’s son, Daniel, let out synchronized belches) “Oh, that wasn’t just for us?”

Also what would be your favourite films (pony or human?) a pony friend of mine is interested in stuff like this (his cutiemark is a film reel, but his talent covers ALL arts. But I digress.)
Okay, that's all I have (for now.)

Steelskin: “Well, Pinkie Pie told me I should watch some anime called ‘Fairy Tail’ when Alex’s laptop is free. Also, I heard about something called ‘Equestria Girls’. I haven’t seen it yet, but I heard it’s a ‘pony on earth’ story”

Alex: “Some movies I’ve watched multiple times include The Incredibles, Star Wars, the last Star Trek movie from 2009, Henry V, the one from 1989, directed by Kenneth Branagh, and, my guilty pleasure, Flash Gordon, the really cheesy 1980 version.” (the other humans groaned) “Come on guys, the last two have Brian Blessed. You can’t go wrong with Brian Blessed.”

Discord’s Advocate: “Lord of the Rings, Peter Jackson make and Ralph Bakshi make, Secret of NIHM, The Hobbit: Unexpected Journey, Star Trek Movies, 12 Angry Men, A Beautiful Mind, Insomnia, Awakenings, Miyazaki and Otomo anime movies, I can go on. I have a lot I like.”

Emerald: “Hm...anypony ever seen the moving picture that was recently released in Las Pegasus?”

Beatrix: “Oh! I saw that! It was very impressive. Alex told me humans started out with those before they went to film.”

Twilight: “I guess you can say we ponies would call that our favorite given we haven’t seen a movie of Alex’s world that we can appreciate.”

Genosaber: “Hmm. The Resident Evil series, Spawn, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, and Scott Pilgrim to name a few.” (looks to DA and sighs) “And the Peter Jackson Lord of Rings films. You can put the duct tape away now.”

Pen Brush

Why is tallic angry all the time?

Tallic: “I am mildly pissed at the universe. Not only do I have well over nine tenths of the intelligent beings scared of me due to my race, not only does this make perfect sense due to the general nature of dragons across the memverse, but I have an almost constant stream of knights and heroes trying kill me for ‘great honor’. I consider this to be an excellent reason for me to have a cynical nature and irate disposition.”

Tosety: “He’s also trying to cover up the fact that he’s a big softie.” (Dodges an annoyed swipe from Tallic.)

frieD195

Will Twilight ever make progress on that potion she briefly mentioned (the one that would temporarily alter his DNA to be compatible with ponies) so that Dash, her, and Alex can finally have a biologically complete family? (not that Scootaloo wouldn't make an awesome big sister and daughter)

Alex: (looks at you, puzzled) “Twilight never mentioned a potion. That’s a good idea, you know, for the future, when Dash is ready. No pressure, we already have lots of kids. But, I wonder where that came from...” (He gets up and heads to the back, and speaks quietly with Techogre)

Techogre: (addresses the other writers) “Guys, we have a problem. Lets huddle.” (all the writers get together and start discussing the question)

Discord’s Advocate: “Well its the magical land of Equestria, and I mean lots of magic. So...if you want to make them able to pull a miracle out of their flanks in order to accomplish such a feat, go for it. But personally I think your other ideas are better.”

Genosaber: “Seems like a random deus ex machina, hope you can come up with a good excuse for it.” (shrugs) “Or just stick with the current plan.”

Techogre: “Shush! Need to know only!”

Twilight: “Hm...I am not sure if that can be done...Emerald? Do you have any input on this?”

Emerald: (clears his throat) “Ms. Sparkle and I are concentrating on treating his magic allergy, right now. For us to try to make him and Ms. Dash genetically compatible would be nothing short of a miracle and would require tens of years to research and experimentation. I would try for the sake of science and for any other humans that may end up here who would wish to have a family, but I doubt it will happen in Alex’s life time.”

Techogre: “Okay, I think we figured out. Looks like we have a little cross reality Q&A seepage. I think the question was meant for a past version of Lero from a reality reflected by the story Xenofilia. Great story.”

Genosaber: “Please get any future questions to the right groups, this is Memverse, not Xenophilia HQ.”

Stalking_Z0mbie

i'm gonna give chrysalis i big 'ol snugly because she's the best queen and there's nothing she can do about it

Chrysalis: “It had better be a loving hug. I am out of love potion (burps). (she sits up and holds her hooves out, baring her fangs and licking her lips with her long tongue) Come to mama!”

Luna: (stomps her hooves, which shakes the room) “No feeding off the guests!”

Chrysalis: (glares at Luna)

Genosaber: “Just let her feed, he’s offering his emotions of his own free will.”

Chrysalis: “Eeeeeexcellent.” (hugs and feeds)

Winged Key

What took so long?!?!

Discord’s Advocate: (turns to you and takes a pipe out of his mouth and wearing a nice robe) “That’s a very good question. The answer is that this Q&A exists in a space time warp. Every time you ask a question, π year passes before we can answer it. And every time we answer a question, a human is displaced into Equestria. That is right, these Q&As are responsible for the majority of human-in-Equestria stories on FimFiction. In addition, every time Techogre answers a question, a brony is taken out of his or her home and sent to Equestria too! But it isn’t as great as you think. Cause you see, bronies are immediately shipped out of Equestria and onto a neighboring land...so not to disturb the natives with stories about their lives being a T.V. show. Now I know what you’re thinking. What about the minority of fics that this Q&A isn’t responsible for? They’re at the Xenophilia HQ group: A group of bronies that started on a single masterpiece clopfic, and has become a wondrous place of original fics based on it; overshadowing all other fictions and writers with their incredible talent and creativity and leaving us to scrape for what fandom we can get.” (leans in close and mutters) “But don’t worry, I have plans to take care of the problem.” (gives a wide-eyed beatific smile) “By replacing Lero with Nicolas Cage!” (leans in close and mutters) “They’ll never see that coming.” (stands pleasantly and nods) “Yes.” (all eyes on DA are giving him the biggest WTF look right now)

Genosaber: (types on his laptop) Water, fire, dirt, f***king Discord’s Advocate, how do you work!?

Discord’s Advocate: (sits back and sips his wine) “With great satisfaction.” (his cellphone rings and he picks up the call)

Doug Walker’s voice: “EXPECT TO HEAR FROM MY LAWYER, ASSHOLE!”

Kris Denger
Trixie, Beatrix, do you have Multiple Personality Disorder?

Bea: “No, The Great and Powerful Trixie is a stage presence and is no more a separate personality than Kathleen Barr and her attempt at duplicating Trixie’s magnificence. However, if you are referring to the incident in Ponyville with the Ursa, (Beas’s voice changes to Trixie’s) we were on the road for almost a year and had been using Trixie so much that Trixie was being used offstage.”

Midnight Sky
Queen Chrysalis, I am one of your old subjects. been living in Ponyville for quite some time now. managed to survive on a special person that Pinkie Pie has developed. She calls special concoction liquid love. And previously unknown to us we can develop love ourselves. I have found friends. People that I care for. That understand me. People that I love. Ones who love me. glad I leave home and away from the hive, our "home". I'll never go back. Goodbye.

Chrysalis: “Am I to understand you are trying to impress me? Because if you are, you failed miserably. Many drones, some brutes, and the occasional matriarch have left the hive over the centuries, and all have either starved or assumed false identities to survive.” (eyes Emerald, who despondently looks down) “And all receive no relief from the fact they live a life-apart. Ask Emerald how he feels each day he is separated from the hive. Torn. Ask him whether he will be welcomed back with open hooves. He won’t be. Ask him what awaits all traitors who break the sacred bond of the hive. No reprieve.”

This depiction of me is Insulting! (glares at her counterparts) And all this over a stupid hand! Have you ever thought that he might let observe them up close if you asked, NICELY? Besides, Twilight has books for checkout that let you turn your hooves into hands. Swapping Hooves by Starswirl The Bearded. The spell lasts for 10 minutes each time you cast it. (looks to Alex) Good luck.

Tosety: “What can I say? The crazies are just more interesting. If everyone acted sanely, there wouldn’t be much of a story.”

Discord’s Advocate: (gives Tosety a big toothy smile) “Really?”

Tosety: “Well, to a point” (backs away from DA)

WingsofRetribution
First of all thanks for answering my question. You gotta like this q and a stuff.
Questions
To Sapphire/CMC :Are sapphire new in ponyville?, If so how are you liking it?, Is sapphire part of the CMC?, and can i get an autograph from you girls?

Sapphire: (projects the answer to everypony’s minds) She joined the CMC when she first went to school after she and her daddy moved from Canterlot to Ponyville. Then she went with them on a fun adventure to find their cutie marks and now she is officially a CMC! YAAAAY! ^_^

to the best hero and all around awesome guy discord i have a question how do you stand people who think chaos is evil when art,music,and fun are all chaos?

Discord’s Advocate: “Hang on, let me translate.” (borrows Genosaber’s laptop and types)

Genosaber: “What...”

Discord: (subtitles appear clearly in front of his stone body) Ha! Music and art are random? I can see some forms of art, but trust me, even I don’t like random notes played in a ‘song’. I will, however, give you ‘fun’.

Genosaber: “Huh?”

D.A.: “He’s stoned. He can’t talk.” (gives Geno back his laptop)

Genosaber: (facepalms)

chipmunkfanantic
So Alex did you ever jump to the Power Rangers Universe or the Back to the future universe at all? also Matt when you have the chance check out the Star trek Universe oh speaking of Power Rangers MegaForce is coming out early 2013. Now then onto the other Questions

1) Alex what do you think of Power Rangers mostly Samurai or Time Force

Alex: “I... look, I have no idea. Daniel?”

Daniel: (looks up from his plate of food and cell phone.) “Yeah, dad?”

Alex: “Power Rangers? Any opinion?”

Daniel: (scratches his fork on his chin in thought.) “Nope.”

Alex: “Anybody?”

Tallic: “...Crunchy?”

Alex: “Likely. I’d say good with ketchup too. (humans all chuckle while ponies look a little aghast) Oh come on guys, you know it’s a joke. Anyone else?”

Discord’s Advocate: “Its the same show. Six kids get spandex suits and weird helmets, summon giant robots to defeat a giant monster.”

Beatrix: (takes notes) “Not sure if that would make a great show but I’ll keep notes just in case.”

Tallic: “Hmmm.... sounds like Voltron. These guys had mech lions that formed a giant robot. Usually waited till they got beaten pretty bad before forming it, though. Nice guys, if a bit slow on the uptake.”

2) Matt what Universes did you Travel to? why me and my brothers and sisters are going to be traversing the multiverse and go through all of time and space topped with alternate realities

Matt: There are realities out there that you do not want to visit, I’ve only visited four if you count this one. You’ve never lived until you’ve visited a reality that’s straight out of your own imagination though. If you manage to visit the first one I visited, leave. Don’t look around, don’t listen to the cries for help, don’t approach that lone person sobbing in a closet. Just get the hell out of there as fast as possible.

3) Rainbow Dash I know you love Alex with all of your heart as much as you love Scoots but what if you found a 6 year old girl wandering the market blind as a bat would you take her in?

Rainbow Dash: “What kind of question is that? Who is this girl? Does she have parents? If you’re going to give me a scenario, then be more specific. I wouldn’t kidnap some random fillie. I would be concerned and would approach her to find out if she needs help. Besides, do I know how to take care of a blind child? Not without instruction and a lot of help.”

Lyra: “That’s probably the most insightful thing I ever heard from you.”

Rainbow Dash: “Just because I am a ‘jock,’ Lyra, doesn’t mean I’m a retard.”

Alex: “Lyra... what did I say about playing nice. Anyway, Dash is right. Are we talking about a human, a pony, a gryffin, a dragon, a changeling? Each would require a different approach, but they would all lead to Miss Sweetheart.” (Alex nods to Miss Sweetheart with a smile.)

Miss Sweetheart: “Alex is correct. I would be the one to take in a blind orphan filly. Furthermore, Dash and Alex are quite right in complaining at the lack of clarity. Your question leaves the possibility open that it was a human child, in which case, I would be in contact with Alex, Matt, Trace, or any other trusted human, over the proper place for her to live.”

4) Princess Luna would it be possible for ponies of times past to travel into the future ponies such as Paradise ,Posey,Moonshower,Ember,Surprise,Firefly,Sparkler, Minty,Heartthrob,Lickety Split,Bright eyes,Fizzy,Wind Whistler,Bright eyes,Sky Wishes,Aurora,Kiwi,Sundance,Moondancer,and my oc Death Bringer a black and red Alicorn

Luna: “I am not sure how to answer this question. Time travel is possible with magic and some of those names are familiar to me. I would say yes, it is possible. Though how they would acquire the means and how they use it is very relevant. And don’t get me started with Starswirl’s warnings about quantum alterations to your own continuum.”

5) Princess Celestia With the ponies mentioned above i suppose you would welcome them to Equestria with open hooves . Question is would you be shocked or surprised about ponies of past living in Ponyville?

Princess Celestia: “First, anypony that arrives in Equestria by means that is not harmful to others is welcomed, and may stay if they are safe. Though for other means would require precaution. Would I be shocked if those from the past were living in the present? Certainly yes.”

6) Twilight is there a spell preserving a group of ponies for such an allotted time couple with a time travel spell lets say 1,000 years ?

(Tallic interrupts) “This sounds like dragonsleep. It should not be too difficult to plan on waking at a preset time.”

7) Applejack if you found somepony in the barn injured what would be the first thing you do?

Applejack: “If Applebloom or Big Mac can get the EMTs for me, I would tend to the poor fellah. Ah’m trained in first aid, y’know. First, look at the situation to make sure its safe to approach. Second, find out what is wrong. Third, attend to the fellah if I can. If not, I’ll stay with the fellah until help arrives.”

Rainbow Dash: “That is pretty much how to do it. Most ponies forget the first step. If you don’t check to make sure its safe, you may end up hurt too.”

8)Queen Chrysalis so we finally meet sadly i never heard of you or changelings care to explain on what they are ?

Chrysalis: “Ignorant mortal! Read a book!”

Luna: “AHEM!”

Chrysalis: “…” (sighs) “We are a pony-like race that feeds off love for sustenance and are mostly noted for our ability to assume the voice and body of other ponies and similar quadrupedal races. That is all I shall share with an outsider.”

9)Beatrix did you ever think of adding a few new tricks to your awesome show?

Trixie: “Of course! The Great and Powerful Trixie is always refining her act to keep it the greatest show in Equestria.”

10) Big Mac when you get the chance do you ever answer questions via tumblr?

Big Macintosh: “There are plenty of them tumblrs that star mahself. But I won’t tell you which one is the real me.” (winks)

Applejack: “Brother, if it is one of them porno tumblrs, I swear...”

Big Mac: “On second thought, I’ll tell you it is not a pornographic tumblr.”

Beatrix: “Good. There is only one pony I hope earns the privilege to see you in that way.” (winks to Big Mac)

Big Mac: (blushes)

11)Applebloom Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo I'm writing a story called My life in Ponyville the cupcake killer its a direct sequel to MLIP or My life in Ponyville anyway check em out oh and AB is the assistant as for Sweetie belle and Scoots they pretty much high tailed it when the evacuation was called so all three of you since you three are too young i don't recommend you three read the first chapter alone have someone with you so yea

Tallic growls menacingly “I do not like the implications of that warning. Hatchlings should be protected at all cost.”

12) Rarity What do you think of a Human called Phoenix Wright? he's a great defense attorney

Rarity: “Sorry darling, but I have never heard of him. The name sounds quite intriguing, though.”

13) Fluttershy just how many animals you take in your care?

Fluttershy: “I’m currently housing 156 creatures in and around my cabin, plus three hives of bees, but that number changes on a daily basis, since at least half of those are sick and injured creatures that are recuperating there.”

14) Discord did you ever have a relationship with Celestia? gotta wonder on that

Discord’s Advocate: (on a ladder and holding his ear up to Discords mouth) “Disco music...bananas...whipped cream...and then she presented her nicely rounded-”

Celestia: (Puts a hoof over D.A.’s mouth and says in the royal Canterlot voice) “NO! WE! DIDN’T!”

Discord’s Advocate: “Mrf hrm mhnnr.”

Celestia: (Withdraws her hoof and appears embarrassed) “Sorry.”

Luna: (Holding back laughter) “Dear sister, why are you so embarrassed about your mad fling? Only one with a heart of stone would never know such a thing.”

Cadence: “She’s right you know. What’s the term Alex used? ‘Slap and Tickle’?”

15) Bon Bon Do you ever miss your friends like Bright eyes Sweetheart or Clover?

Bon Bon: “Ignoring the lack of punctuation, I don’t recognize the first or third name, but I know Miss Sweetheart. We are on a first name basis as she comes over to buy my products for the kids now and again.”

16) Princess Cadence have you ever met humans like Mr. Wright or anyone else besides Alex?

Cadence: “Aside from Alex, I have also met Trace and Matt, but that’s all.”

17) Shining Armour do you ever hang out with Alex when your not busy with the Royal Guard nowadays?

Shining Armor: “Given I am starting a family with Cadence and live in Canterlot, I don’t get time to just casually travel to Ponyville to hang with Alex. To be honest, I’d more prefer to hang with Twily if I did visit. It’s not that I dislike Mr. Roberts, but we’re more like distant co-workers.”Silverfox

Trace- You mentioned getting bit by the werewolf Dawn, what happened?

Trace: (chuckles) I also mentioned an herb called wolfsbane, it counteracts the “curse” of lycanthropy. Long story short I was called to deliver the herb in time to help Dawn, who was beginning to develop her abilities. I was delayed and ended up reaching the area just in time to get attacked by an out of control pup. I had enough wolfsbane to treat both her and cancel to effects of her bite. (pats his left leg, just above the knee) Still have the marks though.

Tallic -Has a human, elf, or other sentient creature (alone or in a small group) ever come close to killing you? Be honest

Tallic: “I would say ‘of course not’, but you would have every reason to doubt me. Since it is public knowledge here, I will remind you of my first night here. Alex and Twilight, with the assistance of Matt’s distraction and my own lack of focus, incapacitated me temporarily. If they had a weapon capable of piercing my scales, they could have inflicted serious injury. Other than that, a few plasma cannon bolts came quite close to vaporizing part of my wing. Those anti-starfighter weapons tend to leave a mark.”

Matt: Funny, I have a lovely plasma setting on my sidearm. If I had my rifle I’d be able to do some real damage real fast.

Twilight- What happened between you and Emerald? I thought you had a thing for him?

Oh, and have you ever been with someone before Trace?

Twilight: “I did, but over time I began to feel Emerald and I worked better as friends and colleagues. As for the second question...” (face turns red) “I’m just going to assume you mean a relationship. And yes, I was with the Diamond Dog Rover for a while before we broke it off. If you meant something else though...” (blush grows) “T-that’s personal.”

Emerald: “This would be for Mr. Genosaber’s story. As for the original Memverse...no spoilers!”

(A second voice of Twilight can be heard giggling behind everypony as the original Twilight Sparkle sits next to Emerald)

TechOgre: “Where have you been? Geno’s Twilight has been answering all your questions.”

Twilight (Original): (meekly smiles) “Sorry! I was too busy reading.” (she leans slightly into Emerald)

Shining- Now that you’re living in the Crystal Empire, who did you get to replace you? And are you still keeping in touch with him?

Shiny: “The princesses appointed somepony to fill my position. I was a little out of it after the wedding. But I happen to be in Canterlot recently, at the same time as the attack. Everything would have been fine if it wasn’t for that Captain Nightshade trying to take over.”

Captain Nightshade: (A burly unicorn mare, dark furred and dark maned, appears beside Shining Armour. She looks around in surprise, but relaxes a bit when she spots Alex.) “Sir? What... is this?”

Shining Armour: (He snorts derisively) “Eloquent as alway, eh Nightshade?”

Alex: (with a slightly unhappy expression) “Shining, show a little respect. She’s the captain of the night guard. She’s like you, but bad ass.” (he turns to Captain Nightshade and explains where she is and what is going on)

Captain Nightshade: “No, no one will remember?”

Alex: “Basically.”

Captain Nightshade: (spins around and bucks Shining Armour in the face, leaving a bruise) “That’s for questioning my Princess and my Paladin.” (She turns to Alex with a smirk) “Thank you for the information, sir. And nice work with the D-”

Alex: (interuptes) “Can’t get too far ahead.”

Emerald: (he sighs) “Come Captain, let my look at your face.”

Princess Cedence: (overheard from the glassed in enclosure) “Oh, having your special teams seems like so much fun. I wish I had a special team.”

Princess Luna: (replies in a stage whisper) “I may have a few extras earning their redemption that I could give you...”

(Tosety turns to Emerald) “So, Emerald, do you have any plans to document your own adventures? I’d love to hear firsthand how you left the hive.”

Emerald: (hesitates for a moment) “My adventures?” (seems nervous, then like he comes up with an answer on the fly) “Well, uh, most of my adventures were in books and academia. If you want, I can recommend a few splendid volumes in the sciences.”

Twilight (original): (looks at Emerald with sparkling eyes)

Emerald: (blushes) “Of course I will share them with you too, my dear. But after the Q&A.” (winks)

(Genosaber looks over to Alex and Matt) “Alex, honestly, do you still feel a bit of distrust and caution towards Trace?

Alex: “Yes and no. Intellectually, I know he’s a trustworthy friend and ally, I mean Twilight is with him, right? Emotionally, I fight with myself. I want to distrust him, and I have to fight to keep that part of myself under control.”

Matt- We know how Alex feels about Trace, but what’s your opinion, both on species and his ability to use destructive magic?

Matt: What does species matter? Seriously? Human, pony, elf, it’s all in how you behave. I might have a soft spot for ponies but if one attacked me I’d fight back just as hard as I would against a human. As for magic... Aside from the fact I call it cheating, there’s a lovely saying. I don’t remember who said it but it was something like “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”

Alex: “I think that was Terry Pratchett.”

Quantum_Shift

This question is for everyone |||SPACE TIME ALTERATION||| in Memverse who is willing to answer it.

If you very suddenly found yourselves back on your home earth, with exactly two years of time having passed since you 'left', (all correspondences from yourself taking place, but always seeming to happen when you're not there to see yourself, unless you specifically avoid meeting yourself) what would you do?

Discord’s Advocate: “...everyone?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrTsuvykUZk&feature=youtu.be&t=9s?

D. A.: “You don’t have to shout! Sorry Quantum, I don’t think we can get ‘everyone’ to answer your question. Cause that is a lot of people. So I shall use wabbajack to go back in time and alter your request to make it more manageable.” (waves wabbajack) |||HOCUS POCUS||| “I honestly do not understand the question. Any takers who do?”

Twilight (Original): “He's saying that if you went back home after exactly 2 years had passed in your universe.”

Would you seek the other Drifters that you met in Equestria?
Would you try to return to your lives, as they were?
Would you try to get back, in an attempt to rejoin Equestria?
Or something else entirely?

Oh, as well:
You return with all of your gear, showing it is most definitely not a dream or period of catatonia. You arrive back on earth the same way you normally drift; via the warp bubbles. They just happened to catch you when nopony was around, or near enough to get to you in time.

Trace: (remains silent for a moment before speaking) “If, by some strange turn of events I ended up back on Gaia, I would do everything I could to get back here.” (Turns to Twilight and pulls her into a hug. She returns it, wrapping her forelegs tightly around the Mage in an attempt to comfort him.) “I can’t bear to lose someone I love again.” He adds quietly.

Tallic: “I would welcome a visit from the other jumpers... provided they behave” (Tallic glares at Matt) “That is assuming that we all get sent to their reality.”

Alex: “Well, as it stands right now, it would be almost a year since I left, by Ann’s clock, so that would mean a full year of no communications. When I arrive, I will have a happy reunion with Ann and the kids, then I will try to rebuild my life. If I still have communication will Equestria, I’ll make sure Dash and Scoots are well taken care of, and do my best to maintain the operations of the theatre. I may even ask Princess Luna to declare my telepresence as a legal presence, otherwise I’ll give the theatre to Bea. Finally, I’ll work with Twilight to get some kind of method of transporting things, and maybe even living beings, between earth and Equestria.” (he chuckles) “Maybe run an Equestrian travel agency. My first customers will be my human and pony families, so we can all be together.” (Ann rolls her eyes) “You’re both the reason I want to live and not just survive.” (Dash takes Alex’s hand and kisses it. Ann gives him a kiss on the cheek.)

Matt: “I’ve got nothing to go back to, I think I’d need the company and lots of time in on a shrink’s couch. I could revolutionize a dozen fields of scientific research just with what little I learned in my travels; forget what could be reverse engineered from my armor... Yeah, I’d need to leave again or I’d probably start a war or something.

More Dakka

Where did all this Celestia is a God thing come from and the whole thing of calling Discord God of disharmony or chaos, when they said he is 'a spirit of chaos and disharmony among pony's' in the show?

Celestia: “Goddesses and Gods can have different meanings depending on who you ask. What humans call a god or goddess infers as a supreme being that rules over something. While I am powerful, and Discord even more so, referring ourselves as Goddesses or Gods infers responsibility and aspect of our being. I am the Goddess of the Sun, which makes me responsible for raising the sun and all things that are dependent upon it. I do not ‘rule the day’ as the Gods in your context might.”

Techogre: “And if you remember in earlier chapters of this story, the T.V. show does not reflect the world of Equestria accurately. Much like a movie based on real events may have very little to do with the actual real events.”

All the unicorns moved the sun on there own just fine Alicorns are just have more magic then most.
Celestia is just a pony with a higher 'manna reserve' and very specific special talent, and probably has enough magic to keep casting that 'youth spell' on herself like in magical duel. I mean they gave Twilight wings because she was 'a pony with high raw magic so she took her as her student' and just did the lessons to prove herself in that regard.

Tosety (steps forward to volunteer an answer) “Simply put, the writers of the show have changed things from how they’ve actually occurred. Season one is reasonably accurate, but things got taken out of context and events got shuffled. Season two had some true inaccuracies, and season three is almost completely made up and what is true is totally out of context.”

Discord’s Advocate
(Stands up from his seat, then takes the stage.) “My turn!”
First, to Alex! How would you react to Rainbow Dash like THIS! (waves wabbajack)

Rainbow Dash: “Oh cra-” (appears on stage dressed in this)

“What the hay!?”

Alex: (His expression is one of pleasant surprise. Then his eyes flick to Ann for a moment and his face becomes neutral.) “I think it looks nice.”

Rainbow Dash: “You do?” (She blushes.) “How nice are we talking here? Nice or nice?”

Ann: “I think it looks a little slutty.”

Rainbow Dash: (she grins at Ann) “So... nice then.”

Keep the outfit. Next question! This one is for Trace. Contest of sorcery, how would you have one between you and Twilight?

Trace:(Rubs chin) “I suppose we’d do a test on skill and control. Though, considering the differences in our magic, along with both having their own form of ranking, we’d have to figure out where we stand on both of them, as the Order has a number of tests depending on the ranks of those involved.” (Turns to Twilight and Emerald) “Am I the only one thinking this might actually be a good idea?”

Emerald: “I think a wizard’s duel would involve clever uses of spell, rather than just raw power. After all, it's about versatility and application, not might.”

Steelskin: “Any place for combat magic? Tallic has taught me some pretty cool stuff.”

Emerald: “No, young one, not this time.”

Steelskin: (Head droops as he sits back down.) “Oh well, I understand.”

Twilight (Original): (Smiles) “Well, I have you both beat on each.” (winks)

Emerald: (raises an eyebrow) “Mr. Reinhart, I do believe Ms. Twilight is challenging us.”

Twilight (Original): “Well you see, because both of us are in the room...”

Twilight (Trace’s): “...and we both are technically the same.“

Twilight (Original and 2nd): (both speak at once) “Thus, we both count as Twilight, and our power is doubled.”

Trace: “That actually has more logic behind it than most of the magical debates I’ve seen in the past.”

Huzzah! The Twilight is doubled! Next question!

Hulk: (still hiding in the broom closet from the last Q&A bursts out and asks a question) “HULK STILL HAS QUESTION FOR NIGHTSHADE!”

Genosbaer: (jumps into Techogre’s arms) "What!?"

D.A.: (panics and points to Techogre)“Tech knows!”

Techogre: (nervously drops Genosbaer) “Sorry, she’s gone now, and anyway, she’s not in the fic until the next chapter.” (ducks and covers himself with his hands) “Please don’t smash me.”

Hulk: “...Hulk hates waiting! Hulk watch pony marathon!” (walks to the lounge and orders a pina colada)

Another crisis averted! Next question! Diamond Dogs!

Rover: (raises a paw in greeting) “Allo. Wotcha want?”

D.A.: “What are you guys about, anyways?”

Rover: (blinks) “O’ bit gen’ral, that question is. But fine. Our folk were once a united race livin’ in Equestria’s biggest mountain. Twas long time ago. Then after chuffin’ incident, we were driven aht and ‘ave’ scattered into packs ever since.”

Twilight: “That incident was being caught enslaving ponies way back when. Princess Celestia really came down hard on them.”

Rover: “Twi’s roit on that one. Most of the bloomin' packs refrain from takin' slaves these days. But that doesn't stop others from garn Hammer and Tack ter the old ways.” (he sees everyone confused at his last sentence) “Diamond Dog figure o’ speech. Means goin’ back, in the regressin’ sense.”

D.A.: “Mhm. Interesting.”

Rover: “Me pack are the Diamond Dogs. As ya can deduce, we mined mostly rare diamonds back n’ the days. Its a long jackanory 'a I became pack alpha, and sadly we moss-ed much of our old knowledge of minin', as 'ave ovver packs. but we make due the best we can. Maybe sum day we will be united and return ter the ol’ confederation.”

Princess Celestia: (gives Rover a very stern look that makes Rover humbled) “But without the slavery and banditry.”

Rover: (Humbly nods)

(Twirls wabbajack and bows) That’s all the questions I have everypony!

Princess Celestia: (gives D.A. the puppy dog eyes)“None for me this time?”

D.A.: (unable to resist) “Sure, why not? How do you get your mane like that?”

Princess Celestia: (laughs as beautifully as a pleasant melody) “Nopony has ever asked me that. Well, first I wash it everyday from the waters of one of our many sacred harmony springs. Then, I go out and raise the sun. I get so close to the sun that my hair is steeped in its powerful energies, and dried at the same time! This gives my mane its color and sheen. And the solar-wind treatment give it it’s flowing appearance (runs a hoof through her mane).”

(everypony looks at Celestia completely baffled or, if they were human, shocked)

Rarity: “I don’t want to know how she handles dandruff.”

(everypony laughs)

Warpd:
Celestia and by proxy Luna: Why don’t you give Luna her own kingdom to rule? Cadance has one and it might do Luna some good to get out of her sister’s shadow.

Luna: After my...incident a millenia ago, neither of us feel too comfortable being too far away from each other. Maybe in a few hundred years I’ll think about it.

Alex: “Well, that’s it for the questions this time, folks! Thank you all for coming out. We had as good a time as you have.”

Chrysalis: “Well I didn’t enjoy myself. I was only here for the reduction in sentence.”

Alex: “Be that as it may, I would like to wish everyone a wonderful night and a thanks for coming!”

The cameras turn off, everyone goes home. Dusty, the school janitor, starts cleaning up.

Some time after everypony has left...

A blueish light illuminates the darkened stage. The source of the blue light is a young woman, glowing with some kind of magical energy. Her body seems more than half machine, and a gem is set in her brow. With her are what appears to be a blue coated Earth Pony and a green skinned, pink haired human child wearing a red dress.

The childlike being looked up at the glowing woman. "We're late Eleanor. I told you we should have come right away instead of recalibrating those power couplings."

"I'd rather my project not cause an explosion, 'Spect. At least not again. Mayor Mare still wants me to do community service for the last one." Eleanor snapped back in reply.

"I'm all for anything that keeps the house intact and doesn't destroy my liquor cabinet," said the Earth Pony.

"I said I was sorry Blitzen. I didn't expect the magic to target alcohol like that," Eleanor said, looking a bit guilty.

"I know you didn't El, but it's amazing how many of your projects seem to have it in for my liquor or my salt." Blitzen said with a disbelieving tone.

"Can we please just go home now?" 'Spect asked.

Eleanor turned around, looking at the empty stage. "Pity, it sounded like fun. Oh well, we'll make sure to be on time for the next one. Let's go home."

“Before you go,” a voice rumbled from the shadows, “I am wondering what that metal of yours tastes like?”

Blitzen: (looking for the source of the voice) "I'm not telling” (saucy wink)

HULK: (suddenly, he smashes through the wall beside the doorway from the lounge, small umbrella drink in his hand) “CAPTAIN NIGHTSHADE?”

Discord’s Advocate: (appears out of nowhere and zaps Hulk with wabbajack and sends him back to the Marvel Universe) “I’ll bring you back next Q&A.”

….meanwhile... in another dimension...

Deadpool: (walks and sings) “Woke up this morning, bought myself a gun, mother always said that...‘you’ll need more than one.’” (all of a sudden he gets flattened by a bewildered Hulk landing on him)

Hulk: (looks around, then growls) “...HUUUUULK SMAAAASH!” (bounds away to smash...something)

Deadpool:“...help.”

Author's Note

If you have any questions, just comment on this chapter and they will be answered next time!

First

Welcome to the first when-ever-I-feel-like-it-or-you-ask-for-it Memoirs of a Reality Jumper character Q&A side story! First, I would like to introduce our characters who will be answering questions tonight:

(Alex) Ugh, do we really have to do this? I have important stuff to do.

(Rainbow Dash) Awe ya! All my fans get to pick the awesome mind of me, Rainbow Dash!

(Applejack) Shucks, I’m just happy to satisfy y'alls curiosity.

(Big Macintosh) ...

(Golden Coins) I’m only here because Princess Luna herself asked me to do this.

(Scootaloo) Is this cool or what!

(Applebloom) Maybe we’ll get our fanfic cutie marks!

(Sweetie Belle) I really like Meeester’s mane.

(Doctor Whooves) This is brilliant! Oh, I can’t wait to do this. Allons-y!

(Lyra Heartstrings) Anytime I can spend time with Alex, is just fine by me.

(Spike) Sup?

(Queen Chrysalis, from her magical prison on the sun) I was told this stupid stunt would take one hundred years off my sentence.

(Princess Luna) It pleases me to answer the supplications from our followers.

(Princess Celestia) I’m very happy to answer any questions our readers would have.

And now, for the questions!

MyLittleBurger

The plot thickens to the point of oatmeal?

(Big Mac) Eeyup.

Daracke

[this is for Alex] If you're a 'paladin of redemption' (if I'm right) Then shouldn't you have some sweet-ass Night armor to go with it?

(Alex) Yes, I’m a Paladin of Redemption. Luna hasn’t assigned me a portfolio yet, but I suspect it will have something to do with humility or apologizing or learning not to drink too much. As for the armour, I’ve been thinking about that and I have an idea. With permission from Princess Luna, I was thinking of going to the Royal Armouries with Elusive and working with the royal armourers and enchanters to build a suit of armour for me. Maybe they can copy some of the enchantments on my knife for the armour. Make it sweet, like Iron Man armour, but magical. Tony Stark, eat your heart out.

Meeester

To Alex: Do you have a plan yet for how you will fund the town hall reconstruction? Also, what pleasantry from your original home 60 years ago did you take for granted that you no longer have in Equestria, such as air conditioning, 2-ply TP, etc.?

(Alex) I’m hoping that an endorsement from Princess Luna and maybe even Princess Celestia will go a long way to drawing attention. My being a human will draw a little extra attention, but being a new sentient race isn’t as much of a novelty as you would think. When you consider there are at least seven sentient races of all body shapes just in Ponyville, being a shaved monkey isn’t much of anything, so I’m not counting on that much.

Rarity said she would put in the good word with her society friends, especially Fancy Pants, so I should be able to draw investors from the upper crust that matters. Not only that, but I’ll be putting most of my remaining cash into it as well. Aside from a little nest egg for myself, a little something for Scootaloo, and buying out the cottage, my remaining fortune will be going into this project. I’ll also be talking to the town council in a few weeks to see if anyone there is interested in investing. Finally, I’ll be offering micro-investments for the regular folks in Ponyville. A hundred bits buys one share and a small return on investment.

Part of me misses a big, thick juicy steak, but when you’ve talked with a cow and chatted about the weather, you sort of lose your appetite. I guess the other thing I miss is the sound of traffic. I know it sounds crazy, but I miss that rumble of machines going by the house. I even miss the occasional fire truck siren. It’s been about forty-five or fifty years since I’ve lived in a place that was as heavily industrialized as your own.

KMCA

For Scootaloo: How do you feel about Alex? I've noticed you behaving almost possessively of him and how would you feel about him adopting you as his child? (Note: this question does not include the assumption that Rainbow Dash will become her adoptive mother in the process)

(Scootaloo) He, he’s not going to read this, is he? No? Okay. I like Alex. I mean, the first time I meet him he was saving my flank from Coins, but that’s not the important reason. Most grownups treat me differently because I’m an orphan, but not Alex. He treats me like a grownup, not a kid. I would really like to have him as a dad, but I can’t see that happening. I can only be adopted by a couple, and unless he marries Rainbow Dash, and I don’t think she’s the getting married type, it’s not going to happen. (Scootaloo's downcast eyes moisten for a moment, she wipes them, and looks back up at you) But, there’s always hope, right?

For Coins: How does it feel to have some inferior holding your life in his hands and then not long after extending an olive branch of friendship for you? And are you going to take it or burn it like the unpleasant rug?

(Coins sneers, slowly shakes his head, and sighs, he doesn’t even look at you) As loath as I am to admit it, he has given me much to think about. Even before his justified apology, I was thinking about the value of, things, in my life versus the ponies in my life. After all, Princess Luna, in Her infinite wisdom, made him one of Her personal champions. He must have some positive characteristics, although I obviously lack the wisdom to see them. As for friendship, that is difficult to say. The habits of a lifetime are difficult to change, even if (he paused) even when one has begun to suspect they were mistaken. With the grace of the Princesses, friendship may be an option in the future, but for now, peace will have to do.

For Applejack: Are you ever going to try dating Elusive? Or are you nervous?

Shoot, I don’t know. Mah heart’s still kind of beat up, but he does seem like a mighty nice guy. And if he’s Alex’s friend, he’s probably a class act. (Applejack puts her hoof to her chin thoughtfully) Maybe I might just give him a spin. You know, give it the old Apple family try. And to answer your second question, I’m a little nervous, for Elusive's sake. Mac might not approve, but I’ll worry about that later. I mean, what could go wrong?

For Luna: We've seen what you've said to Alex, but what goes into deciding who a "Paladin of Redemption" is?

The criteria are simple. If I see within the heart of an individual the ability or potential to exemplify one of the aspects of redemption and I feel they are able to perform the duties I will offer them the solemn duty. Alex exemplifies or will exemplify with some guidance, the aspect of Humility. I have candidates for Nobility, Dignity, Forgiveness, Tolerance, and Patience. Some I will contact directly and some I will contact through Alex. Allow me to explain why each is paramount to redemption.

Humility. One must first be humble before achieving the other ideals of redemption.

Dignity. If you have respect for yourself, you can learn to respect others.

Nobility. Like a good noble, one must place others before yourself.

Forgiveness. Forgiveness of yourself and others is the key to achieving true redemption.

Tolerance. Accepting others, not blindly, but with humility, dignity, nobility, patience and forgiveness

Patience. Having patience for yourself and others gives you the strength and wisdom to understand the other aspects of redemption.

All these things I have learned with the aid of my sister in my own redemption. I wish to give this very gift to those who have the same need as I had.

For Celestia: Why haven't you been more involved. Have you decided that Luna should be the one responsible for everything related to Alex, or are you just watching from behind the scenes?

My sister wanted her own champions, in much the same way I have the Elements of Harmony. When Alex first came to our attention, we found him to be an interesting curiosity. Once I determined he was not a threat to Equestria, I suggested him as the first of her champions to my dear sister. As an outsider with good intentions, he would bring a unique perspective to her endeavours. At first, she was reluctant, but after a little observation, and after saving the child, she saw the wisdom of my words.

And Lastly for Spike: Who's better at sending messages? You with the green flame or Alex with his magic scroll?

Why, my dragon flame can beat any contraption for sending express scrolls. I’ve looked over Twilight’s shoulder and I thought it was just a fancy book. I don’t get what the big deal is.

Big Mac: you jelly?

Oh, do you mean like that one odd pony in town that buys vats of grape and apple jelly each year and dips himself in them? Then nope.

shira

To the ponies: Has anyone but Lyra figured out just how awesome hands are?

(Twilight) While there are advantages to fingers, for example, Alex and Spike have greater manual dexterity, the fingers must wrap around the object to grasp it. As we all know when a pony picks up an object, it simply sticks to the bottom of the hoof, and if a firmer grip is required, it is grasped by the wrist. There is also-

(Lyra) Oh, I disagree Twilight. Ever since I’ve been secretly stalking... I mean, observing... I mean, noticing Alex, those strange, soft yet firm hands have been fascinating to me. I suspect the gained flexibility more than makes up for the lack of a sticky hoof.

(Twilight) Lyra! You know the court order. 100m from Alex. Now, get out of here.

(Lyra) Eeep!

DiscordsAdvocate

For Alex: You're making a lot of plans and contacts to build your theatre, but have you planned on getting donors to fund it all?

I’ve already talked about the hook, now here’s the bait. There will be no donations, I mean, this is a business deal, right? So, it doesn’t matter how small you give, you’ll get a benefit. It’s a 3% return, starting a year after construction is complete, which for this world is a great rate of return. I plan on only paying myself a small salary and saving or investing the rest. I’ll even do something with Cheerilee to give the kids a stake in the theater, something like a 10 bit certificate. I want the kids to feel invested in the theatre, to really be interested in being part of it. That will hopefully draw parents to invest too.

For Dash: Are you okay with the fact Alex can't fly as you are okay with Tank being unable to fly without aid from magical gadgets?

I’m cool with that. I mean, it’s not like he’ll ever come up to my place, right? Anyway, I don’t mind going down to the ground for him, it’s where most of my other friends are so it won’t be that different from before. (Dash grows thoughtful) I wonder if I can get Twilight to cast that cloud walker spell. I could bring him to meet my parents in Cloudsdale. I only ever did that with, well, never mind. None of your business anyway. But, ya, it could be fun.

For Coins: If Equestria was founded on unity between the three types of ponies, and you praise it every day (like you did in front of Alex), why get so emotionally worked up about pegasi and unicorns being present in your universe? If we expand on the illogicality, Luna and Celestia are Alicorns, the best of both worlds. Is your praise derived from fear (for they well know your contempt, you don't exactly hide it) or well-deserved reverence?

You obviously fail to understand the nature of my personal grievances with the unicorn and pegasus races. It is actually a simple matter that even a dim-witted simian such as yourself will understand. It is a matter of propriety and knowing one’s place. Cloudsdale is for the pegasus ponies. Canterlot is for unicorn ponies. And closest to my heart, Ponyville is for earth ponies. Each in their own place.

There have been a growing number of unicorns and pegasi, as well as donkeys, and other non-earth ponies, including a singular human, making permanent homes in my beloved Ponyville. At any rate, they are always welcome to visit, to work here for us, and, if completely unavoidable, stay temporarily. However, at the end of the day, they should go back to where they belong.

As for your statements about the Princess, you once again fail to understand. By bearing the burden of all three types of ponies, they only show their love for us. They stay combined as one, so we can stay unique.

See, clear and simple.

For Twilight: You’re doing a lot of research on the humans, so what topics are you really getting into and how would the knowledge be used to help others in Equestria?

Well, thanks to Alex’s unique biology alone has advanced medical science by five years. His body is much more complex and fragile than ours. When he was hurt, the skills I, Zecora, and the doctors had to develop to treat him were much more intense and complex than a pony would require. With this knowledge, there have already been lives saved.

I was interested in human political systems for a while, but it was such a chaotic mess. I looked into the technology humans are so good at, and while I understand some of it, it simply does not come naturally to me. I did some studies of human societies, but it’s so varied I could spend a lifetime trying to understand them. So, I went back to biology. I hope this will continue learning his more complex system to benefit all of pony kind.

For Luna: Could even Discord be redeemed?

Perhaps. The unredeemable Nightmare Moon was, so perhaps Discord as well. I mean, he wasn’t always evil. Mischievous, perhaps, but not evil. All three of us were such good friends before the bad times...

For Whooves: Any plans to contribute to an Equestrian space program?

It’s bad enough they now have access to one of those frustratingly unpredictable humans, now you want me to thrust them into space three hundred years early? Are you mad? No, no you’re not, are you? You really want to condemn them early and take their innocence away. Well, that will not happen, I’ll make sure of that.

For Queen Chrysalis: Why haven't you shown up in this fanfic yet?

Who says I have not? ‘Chapter 5 - A trip to the market’, I was the third background pony to the left. This was after my defeat but before my capture. Of course, I was rebuilding my empire, taking advantage of every resource. The real threat was the pony two places behind me.

warpd

Why hasn't Dash let Alex ride her? That would be fun with the twists, turns, and all the fun tricks.

(Alex) Whoa there. Don’t you think that’s a little personal?

(Dash hits Alex) You dork, he means flying. No, are you bucking nuts? If I mess up, he would get killed! Anyway, he’s heavy and I’d fly like a brick. Besides, I like where Alex was going, flying isn't the only way to share fun tricks.If Alex has the internet, can he look up his own story on fimfiction?

(Alex) How do you think I’m answering these questions? The author is just one in a series of sock puppet accounts I created from Equestria.
(Techogre) No I’m not. Stop messing with the readers.
(Alex) Quiet sock!
(Techogre) Yes sir!

Compony

Alex: Tell us more about your past realities! - Do you believe RD actually has something for Trixie? How would you react?

Let me answer those in order. You read about my first jump to the nazi world. Every jump after that brought me to a world with more and more unrealistic differences, like superheroes, super science, magic, etc. When I started hitting the magic worlds, things turned more medieval and weirder every time, until I landed here.

I don’t know if Dash has something for Trixie. I’m headed to Canterlot soon to see if she’ll take the job offer. I might get Dash to come with me and Twilight. If she comes and starts hitting on Trixie- OUCH! (Dash hits Alex then glares at him) I don’t think that will be a problem.

Dash: Who were your past 'special friends'?

I don’t remember a lot of them, they were mostly one-night stands. But I guess my most important special friend before Alex was Gilda. I even brought her to meet my parents. That didn’t go well. Anyway, that’s all in the past, Alex is my future now. (Dash’s expression is thoughtful and a little annoyed) She still sends me letters once in a while, but I already told her it was over.

taz2723

For Alex

Question 1: If during the entire time you have been jumping between realities you had absolutely no way to contact your family, how do you think you would have reacted?

Without the anchor Ann and the kids provided, I would have been much more selfish, much more savage. I know I still have a great capacity for brutality inside me that’s kept in check by Ann and now Dash. In short, I would have reacted badly.

Question 2: How many more earth-like realities have you been transported to, and following that what one was the most similar to our own?

There were about eight more worlds that were close to mine (e.g. no magic, no superpowers, no elves, etc.). Let's see now, there was the nazi world, there was the world where the English lost the battle of the Plains of Abraham in Quebec, making French the dominant language in North America (the English dubbed MLP was funny). There was the world where penicillin was discovered thirty years earlier by Ernest Duchesne, saving countless lives, but extending the first world war by five years due to the associated medical advances. There was no nazi germany, just a footnote as a minor right-wing party. Great medical care in that world. There was the one where there had been a limited nuclear exchange over the Cuban missile crisis. Glad I wasn’t there long. There was a weird one where all international disputes were settled by gladiatorial combat and everyone dressed like Elvis. There was the one where the Renaissance never happened. Smelly world there. There was the one that still had a Roman Empire and everyone spoke Latin. They assumed I was a Gaul on a visit from Europe. Oh, and there was also the fun one where gender roles were reversed. I guess I was a bit of a hottie because construction workers whistled at me when I walked by. So, that was the normal worlds. After that, things got really strange.

Question 3: How does it feel to have heightened senses past that of a pony's?

It’s both useful and frustrating. Handy for hearing, seeing, or otherwise sensing threats. Frustrating because even if everyone is having, to them, a hushed and whispered conversation, it still sounds like everyone is speaking normally. Heck, when I’m in a crowd of ponies talking normally, it’s like everyone is yelling in my ears. It’s also hard to ignore some random passerby. You’re brain locks on to every conversation around you. I sometimes wish I had a brook or river beside the house, just for the blessed white noise it would generate.

For Rainbow

Question 1: Even knowing that you and Alex can't have children if your relationship ever gets to the point that you want a foal of your own do you plan on adopting or having a surrogate father?

I always thought we might adopt. I mean, Scoots is a great kid, but I have to be married. I know he denies it, but I’m afraid Alex may not think of me as a proper mom or even wife material. I know my past doesn’t make it look like I would be, but I know I can be both. That comment by Lauren Faust about me not being much of a big sister kind of hurt. Made me doubt myself, you know. But if Alex believes in me, maybe I can too. Maybe I can be a mom for Scoots. As far as a surrogate dad? I can’t see Alex being too excited at the idea of my being bedded by some other stallion. He’s got a big heart, but I think even he has his limits.

Question 2: How do you feel about Alex being an omnivore?

It’s part of who he is and I love the whole package (Dash shrugs) Anyway, he’s never eaten any meat around me. In fact, as far as I know, he hasn’t eaten any since he arrived in Equestria. The only thing I’ve noticed is he does eat more eggs and cheese than a pony would, and he has a problem with hay.

Well, this concludes our first Memoirs Q&A. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as we enjoyed answering your questions. Good night, and good dreams!

Dan G.

Third

Welcome to the first joint Q&A for Jumper and Memoirs of a Reality Jumper (Memoirs for short)!

(Matt) Walks into the room in full armor. The battered dark blue paint scratched and burned, the damage matching the hidden emotional scars he carries on the inside. He sits down and with a hiss of compressed air removes his helmet. “I’m here like I promised, now can someone please explain to me how this works.”

(Alex) “Hey Matt! Glad you're here. You know what the multiverse is, right?” Matt nods slowly, suspiciously. “Well, there’s a universe out there, somewhere, where we are a story. So anyway, in the past I’ve had Q&A for the readers and usually they just question the folks from my main reality, the one thankfully short on Matts”

(Matt) “Hey!” He mumbled under his breath, “They’re all crazy old buggers...”

(Alex) “Heh, just busting your chops. Anyway, I thought it would be fun to include both of our motley crews of characters and interpretations into one giant, slightly crazy,” Matt scoffs, “Okay, totally crazy Q&A. So, are you in, kid?”

(Matt) “Yeah, sure. Who knows, maybe I’ll learn something useful. Besides it’s not like I have anything better to do, I’ve seen more of Fluttershy’s bathroom than I have the rest of Ponyville.

(Alex) Alex turns his head to a potted plant in the corner. “Hey. Hey! Lyra! How did you find this place! Don’t forget the court order. Wait, there’s two Lyras?!?!? And they’re working together!”

(Matt) “Wait, two Lyra’s? Oh boy... Wait, how do we tell them apart?”

(Alex) “How crazy is yours? Mine tried to impale me on her horn. Dash saved my butt. ”

(Matt) “Umm... She camped out in Fluttershy’s bushes long enough that she had to check where the sun was to figure out how long she was there... And I’ve caught her watching me sleep. I’ve seen worse.”

(Alex) “Okay. That’s a lot of crazy in two mares. Remind me to keep Dash at my side at all times. Maybe Applejack and Bea too.”

(Matt) “How about some focus. We do have questions to answer... and who the hell is Bea? Beatrix? Trixie!? Oh boy, the loudmouth.

(Alex) Hey now. You’re not relying on that stupid show, are you? Trust me, she’s a total sweetheart.

(Matt) Uh huh, how about we just get on with these questions, I bet the... Viewers? Readers? Anyways I bet people are getting bored with this excessively long intro.

(Alex) Too bad we’re out of time for now, and we don’t have any questions yet. So, the point of this is to ask you, our intrepid readers, to start asking questions, because we want to answer them!

(Matt) “What so I have to come back in a week or two? What a waste of time.”

(Alex) “Not at all! Through the magic of the internet we have all the questions from our readers ready to go. Also, all of our friends, and not so friendly friends, are joining us live from a pocket reality created by Princess Celestia herself. Thanks doll! Also, my Fluttershy and Bonbons said they really wanted to meet you.” Fluttershy and Bonbon alternate smiling and waving at you, and glaring at each other. Both Lyras stop trading information, turn to face you as one, and share a really creepy smile. Like evil twins.

(Matt) “Uhh... This is going to get interesting.” Matt swallows hard and reaches for a glass of water, only to think twice when he realizes that it’s closer to the Lyra’s than it had been moments before.

Bea calls out quietly form behind him, “Matt, sweetie, don’t touch that glass. Lyras look! One of Alex’s spare hands.” The doors at the back glow in a silvery blue and open, and the old gloves fly through the door at high velocity. The two green unicorns follow it with impressive speed and the doors slam behind them. Once the Lyras are gone, Matt’s glass glows and two little tablets lift out, reconstituted. “The water’s fine now.”

Matt replies while examining the glass, “Drugs? If I’d known that they’d wanted to roofie me I’d have just chugged it. Medical Nanotech can fight off cyanide poisoning... Then again, if they didn’t deal with it, well let’s just say one Lyra is harmless, two is terrifying. Thanks”

“That, by the way,” Alex bows with a smirk to the unicorn who just saved Matt, “is my very special friend, Miss Beatrix, know to all the world as,” a fanfare plays, “The Great And Powerful Trixie!”

Matt gives Trixie a slack salute, “Pleasure is all mine. Matthew Brennan, IC-79 ICCD callsign Sever. But feel free to call me Matt.”

“Well Matthew Brennan, IC-79 ICCD callsign Sever, any friend of Alex is a friend of mine. I think two Lyras together makes them more aggressive. Well, I’ll make sure they’ve exited stage left. Don’t you boys get into any trouble while I’m gone.” Bea gets a soft smile, “Dash will kill me if you do.” She walks to the back doors, and Matt and Alex both find themselves fascinated by her as she leaves. Even Dash pauses a moment before hiting Alex in the shoulder. They all silently agree that Rarity could learn a thing or two about making an exit from her.

Matt muses, “Maybe I should have just stuck with Matt.”

Alex shakes his head, “Um, right. Q&A. So there you go! Matt? You ready to go?

Matt answeres cheerfully, “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Alex claps his hands together. “So, the format is simple; first the name of the asker, then the question, and finally the answer. Easy peasy.

Deleth

Firstly:

You’re reading the third Q&A for Memoirs of a Reality Jumper and the very first one for Jumper. And this is a bunch of questions from a bunch of awesome fans and interested readers, all answered by the plucky characters of these two stories stories.

Secondly, I have two questions
A question for Twilight: I've heard poking a Unicorn's horn brings good luck, is this true?

Twilights looks up from the small book she was reading, a sultry smile gracing her lips, the slightest of blushes on her cheeks. “I’m not sure about luck, but you should only do it when the unicorn horn is not flush with magical energy. It becomes very sensitive and it can be painful if simply poked and not gently caressed...”

Dash smirks and pokes her friend in the withers, “Hey, don’t read that stuff with kids around.”

A question for Alex: When will you stop being so self deprecating?! (this is more of a statement than a question)

Alex looks at you, annoyed, “Do you know how hard it is for me to be having this conversation? I’m scared. Right now. I am terrified of whatever it is you say, even though I know it doesn’t matter one whit. Fear has been my overriding emotion for a lifetime, and now that I’m in a place when I can not only have good, honest friends, I can have a family, and,” he looks at Dash a surprising fierceness, “a lover.”

He turns his gaze back on you, and you can’t help be feel uncomfortable. “Yes, I probably apologize way too much, and I’m likely more self deprecating that I need to be, but,” he stands, a look of determination in his eye you find humbling, “here,” he stomps his foot, “I can learn to live again. Here, “ he stomps again, “I can rebuild my life. And if I apologize too much, well too bad. I apologize when I feel I’m in the wrong and when I know an other needs to hear it. I am not perfection, I will always make mistakes, I will always apologize, and I will never apologize for that.”

There is a moment of silence. Then one hoof starts to stomp. You see it’s Big Macintosh, beaming in pride at his adopted brother. Dash and Scoots join him, then all of the Apple family, and all of his friends, and soon everyone, even Golden Coins and Miss Butterscotch add their support, even the Princesses are with him. You even, to your surprise, find yourself donning a dinner jacket and offer him a slow, respectful clapping.

shira

Who's Matt?

Matt raises his hand. “I’m Matt, I’m a jumper just like Alex. I’ve only been at this for about two years, so it’s still kind of odd for me. I’ve hit four realities... Well five now. Umm... I feel like I’m filling out a dating profile here.” The sound of a multitude of hoofs and one hand hitting their respective foreheads filled the room.

“What? You try explaining your existence without it sounding like one. Anyways! Most of the realities I’ve visited have been high tech. Not just compared to ponies but compared to my home reality.”

Light trot

Firstly for Alex
What is it about Dash that drew you to her?

Alex puts a hand on Dash’s cheek, they look at each other lovingly, and Scootaloo rolls her eyes and make a gagging expression. “I guess it was her, strength? Yeah. Her loyalty? Sure. Her grace? Definitely. Her warmth. That’s the winner. You never saw that on the show, her warmth. Well, you saw a little bit of it during the first episode when she first meets Twilight. How she makes you feel like you’re her best friend, five minutes after you meet her. Like you’ve been best pals for years and you had just meet up last night over beers and when you first meet her it’s just the next day.”

Second for Rainbowdash
What is your favorite color? and no answering rainbow.

Dash plants a little kiss on Alex’s palm then turns to you. “Seriously? That’s the best question you can come up with? Okay, fine. Favorite colour, huh? Hmmm... blue,” she smirks and runs a hoof along her barrel, “sky blue.”

Stalking_Z0mbie

Alex, you are Canadian which makes me ask of what your opinion of Colin Mocherie is.

Alex holds a finger up, frantically tapping on the laptop. “Sorry about that. I only vaguely remembered him so I had to hit the web. Then I remembered him. Funny guy, especially on Whose Line Is It Anyway.”

There is another story called A Place Called Home that's set in another alternate universe of this universe and the main character's name is Jack, will he be in these q&a's soon?

Alex types something on his laptop, waits a moment, then looks up at you. “Yes, Techogre is sending an email to that author to see if they’re interesting in joining this or the next Q&A.”

shira

Troll Twilight and Dash Question: Which would be more delicious, Unicorn steak or Pegasus hot wings?

Twilight looks at you with narrowed eyes and a very unhappy look. Your screen glows purple and you find it hurtled at your face. When you wake up you find a scroll with the message, “Dash says hot wings, because hers are the hottest.”

As you start picking up the pieces of broken display, you get smacked in the back of the head by another scroll, wrapped in a cinder block. When you get out of the hospitle you read the note. “Alex explained to Dash what hot wings were.”

Quantum_Shift

This first set is for Alex.

1) You've primarily gone through fantasy and magic-based worlds, correct? If so, was there another one you enjoyed being in for your duration?

Alex gives Dash a little squeeze, “Naturally, this has been the best world so far, but the second best was the Marvel Universe. That was my third jump, after Nazi world and Zeplin world. I was lucky that I was able to find the Baxter Building as easily as I did and even luckier Ben Grimm didn’t throw me out like I was some nut case. Heh. I think it was all the facts about the FF I was able to spout. Lucky for me, I was a huge fan of the comic. Couldn’t tell you much about them nowadays.”

2) Have you ever happened across a world called 'Tchokisa' ? It's very memorable, as it's a world that sees a ton of inter-dimensional through-traffic. Something of an inter-dimensional tourist trap, really.

“Tchokisa?” Alex seems to ponder for a moment, repeating the word slowly to himself, savoring it. “It rings a bell, now where did I...” Alex’s expression turns angry. “Zathrok. That’s where he said he would send me. A place with portals to every world. That son of a bitch was telling the truth.” Alex stares into space for a moment while Dash looks at him worriedly. Alex suddenly smiles, looking into Dash’s eyes, “But, if he hadn't welched on the deal, I never would have met you. I should thank him.”

3) When you transition, you bring a portion of the world with you. Do you swap places with the locale you were in, and if so, do you think you've accidentally stranded someone in another world as a result?

Alex looks bashful, “Well, never a whole person. And, in my defense, they were usually trying to kill me at the time.”

4) Pertaining to the previous question, do you think that, maybe, something like that could've been what destabilized you from your native reality?

Alex ponders thoughtfully for a few moments, “No clue. You need a brilliant scientist, like my pal Twilight. Miss Twilight?”

Twilight had been relaxing on a pillow, sipping some kind of juice from a goblet. She looks up at you with a polite smile and sits up primly. “Based on the amount of chaos magic Alex has in his system, and the logarithmic growth of that contamination, it is entirely possible that there is a structured chaostroic tunneling effect from this reality back to his home reality. Basically, a tunnel from here to there going backwards in time through different realities. That book of transdimensional mathematics Alex gave me is really helpful in helping me understand the possibilities.”

5) What, if anything, would you want if you were offered a single wish with the Aladin stipulations on it? Those stipulations being no inducing love, no returns from the death, and no causing death.

“Not sure. Maybe...” Alex purses his lips and looks up to the ceiling, then turns back to you with a smile and a shrug, “that everyone is happy, in the end.”

6) If you found your time estimate to be off, and you returned to earth tomorrow, mere minutes after you left, what would be your reaction?

“I would feel a profound despair at having lost Dash and Scoots, tempered with a profound joy at being reunited with my human family. I... I hope that never happens.” He looks off into space for a moment, “I don’t think I could ever go back.

7) Have you given consideration to the Equestrian legal code's structure on the collection of goods, services, and currency? It clearly states that using false information to obtain any of those things is punishable by serious fines and a return of 2.46 times the original value to the wronged party. Just saying.

“I looked into it, but the problem is I signed my fortune away while I was under advantage. It’s a very old Equestrian law that says when two individuals enter a contract, the one with fewer riches can demand the other seal the contact with red ink, making the contract unbreakable. The intent of the law was to protect the poor from the rich. The richer party is assumed to have better counsel. Since I was the richer party at the time of the signing, Mr. Golden Coins made this demand, and since I was more interested in saving the farm, I signed. Anyway, it was all found money, and he did leave me with more than enough.”

8) The energies of the Interstitial have imbued in you a level of Immortality, resetting you to the state you were in when you first jumped each time you jump. What will you do when you do have to leave RD, either from jumping away or from simple age?

Alex smiles sadly at Dash, “The way I see it, I won’t be jumping away from this world. I mean, I’m 42, and the jump date is a little over 60 years away. No one in my family made it past 90. Not only that but the life of adventure has taken a toll on my body, plus all the magic exposure and who knows what pathogens I’ve been exposed to. Well, you can see my point.”

Alex absentmindedly caresses Dash’s mane, “Dash and I have talked about it, and we want to spend eternity together. We’ll get our bodies preserved when we die and be stored somewhere safe. In the meantime, we’ll get a custom coffin made in the shape of a heart and we’ll be placed in it, forever looking at each other, her hooves in my hands. Her wing over me” Alex looks away and wipes a tear. “And that’s just fine by me.”

This set is for Matt.

1) You've primarily gone through High-tech and technology oriented worlds, correct? If so, was there another one you enjoyed being in for your duration?

“Oh, sure. The second one I don’t think I had more than five hours sleep a night in whole ten months I spent there but I did get some nifty armor and training. The third, wasn’t too bad I learned a lot about science and research. The last one got rough, like really rough. The first month wasn’t too bad, but then I spent the rest of that three month stint being hunted. I... don’t really want to talk about it.”

2) Have you ever happened across a world called 'Tchokisa' ? It's very memorable, as it's a world that sees a ton of inter-dimensional through-traffic. Something of an inter-dimensional tourist trap, really.

“I’m not even sure how to say that, so no. Next question.”

3) When you transition, you bring a portion of the world with you. Do you swap places with the locale you were in, and if so, do you think you've accidentally stranded someone in another world as a result?

“I almost did once, actually I brought a bird from that third reality to the fourth. A parrot named Felix to be exact, I bet that someone was pissed after they realized what happened. I have no clue whatever happened to him, too bad he was a nice bird.”

4) Pertaining to the previous question, do you think that, maybe, something like that could have been what destabilized you from your native reality?

“I was on my motorcycle going about 90 km/h when I got hit by that oh so lovely sensation of being ripped from a reality. The last thing I remember before the jump was my head bouncing off the pavement, thank god for helmets, eh? I might have ridden through some kind field, that’s all I’ve been able to guess.”

5) As an inter-dimensional traveler with information and knowledge that can literally overwhelm the minds of the less-informed, have you ever taken advantage of your newly-acquired Elder God status?

“Elder god? Pfft, come on. When I took that plasma round to the leg it burned clear to the bone. If it weren’t for the medical nano-tech I would have bled out pretty quick, and even if I hadn’t there’s no way that I’d have ever been able to walk again if it weren’t for the nanos and the body suit.”

6) If you found your time estimate to be off, and you returned to earth tomorrow, mere minutes after you left, what would be your reaction?

“I don’t know, I’m just trying to survive. I don’t know what I’d do, hell I don’t know what I’d do if I got home right now. I’m not sure I could go back to being a bodyguard or worse a private investigator for insurance companies.”

7) While I understand you (completely rational) fear of Lyra, are there any other ponies that you have any particular feeling, negative or positive, towards?

“Honestly I thought I’d get along great with Rainbow Dash, loyalty is something I live by... But something just keeps setting us at eachothers throats. Lyra’s only scary because she’s... Lyra? I don’t know she’s just really focussed on her research, by which I mean me. It’s slightly unnerving but I think Lyra would do anything to keep me safe, right?” Matt looks over at the Lyra’s. The one from his reality blushing and looking shy while the other seems to be assessing her thoughts on this. She probably wouldn’t mind a human corpse for study.

8) The energies of the Interstitial have imbued in you a level of Immortality, resetting you to the state you where in when you first jumped each time you jump. What will you do when you do have to leave?

I’m not sure exactly how it works. I doubt anyone really is. If we reset to zero, or whatever you want to call it how come I still have my leg injury, why are my muscles more developed than they were when I left home, how do I have the memories of all these realities. I mean if I reset to my original time of departure I would lose all my memories too, memories are only electrochemical responses, right? It’s something that baffled the scientists in that third reality, I only have a theory but even that didn’t make sense to the scientists... Maybe it’s all about self image. Maybe we revert to our original age because that is how we see ourselves. The injuries? They’re a part of us, perhaps when we jump a fresh muscle sprain would go away but something traumatizing or something that leaves a mark on how we see ourselves? That stays... But that makes no sense and there’s no way to actually achieve that, so like I said, that’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.”

The Lyra from Matt’s reality only stared at Matt with a little grin. She then gave the other Lyra a friendly poke, “See, I told you Matt is better than Alex. I mean could Alex, that crazy nag Twilight, or Rainbow Trash have come up with that?”

Matt looks at the stunned looks around the room, “What? I had a lot of time to think. Seriously, people take one look at the armor and think I’m an idiotic brute. That’s like me calling Dash a lesbian just because of her mane.”

Dash glares daggers at Matt, “It was just a coincidence. Anyway, I like who I like, and this big guy showed me there are more important things to a relationship.”

“What? It’s me making an unfair comparison just based on looks, I’m not saying you are... Not that I really care which way your barn door swings.” Matt smiles at the turn of phrase.

This batch of questions is for RD, and I know you're less scholarly inclined than, say Twilight, so I'll avoid overly technical terms;

“Hey! Just because I’m not an egghead, doesn’t mean I’m not smart. But I appreciate you using words a normal pony would use.”

1) You obviously care deeply for Alex. Since it's a given that he's going to be gone, from jumping, eventually, what are your thoughts on his "expiration date" ?

“Like the big lug said in one of his answers, we’re pretty sure he won’t make it to his next jump. Lots of ponies think they’re reborn after they die and that you get reunited with your true love.” She looks at Alex with a heart wrenching fierceness, “I hope the same applies to humans, because I’ll be loyal to him until the end of time. And if it doesn’t, what we have now will be worth being alone forever.”

2) What do you think of Bea's steady, if cautious, encroachments on Alex?

“Bea? She’s a friend and I totally trust her. Anyway, she knows I would buck her to next Tuesday if she was trying to make time with my stal... man.”

3) If you could choose to go with Alex every time he jumped, for the rest of his life, would you?

There’s barely a pause, “Yes, in a heartbeat. I’d follow him anywhere. I mean, if you found someone who really cared about you, the real you, and not your past, wouldn’t you do anything to stay with them?”

4) If, in a moment, something happened to Alex that took him away forever, that is to say, if something killed him, and it wasn't something that could be struck back at, something of ordinary chance... What would you do?

Dash looks at you sadly, “I would be grateful to Celestia for the time I had with him. I would likely spend one night with some rye and salt, after Scoots went to bed. And then, I would do two things. First I would follow through with our plan so we could be together. Then, I would spend the rest of my life taking care of Scoots and making sure she’s happy. Then, at the end of my life, I would be with him forever. That would be pretty cool.”

This set of questions is for Beatrix, they aren't particularly long.

1) Do you intend to try challenging RD for Alex? You seem rather enamored of him.

Beatrix looks thoughtful, “I suppose I am somewhat taken by him. He did save me afterall. He gave me hope, hope that I had lost. With that hope, I regained my dignity, my sense of self worth. Do you know I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror before he came into my life? I could even go so far as to say I love him, but not in the way you mean.”

“So, would I challenge Rainbow for Alex? No. I could never get between those two. She’s a stalwart friend, and he, well, I could never betray him like that.” Her voice changes a little, becoming more playful and bombastic, “Trixie’s interests lie in the big and strong but silent types. The ones with poetry in their souls and apples on their flanks.” You can see Big Mac in the background blushing with just the smallest of smiles.

2) What will you do when Alex is gone? will his departure in 60ish years make much of an impact on you?

“When he leaves, however he leaves, I will mourn the loss of a good friend. But, I will thank Luna for making him a part of my life.”

A few questions for the Lyras, if you will.

1) I understand you seek to study humans. Have you not bothered to look into cross-dimensional teleportation and viewing?

Alex’s Lyra rolls her eyes, “Well duh. But have you seen the math involved? I mean, I’m good, but I doubt even Sparkle could do it. Anyway, there are only three copies of the only book with all the formulas, two owned by private collectors and one in the secure wing. Even Sparkle couldn’t get in there.”

Matt’s Lyra taps Alex’s Lyra and points at Twilight Sparkle. “What do you suppose she’s looking so smug for?”

2) Why do you find humans so fascinating?

“It’s not just humans, it’s everything about their culture. They lack magic, and as a unicorn I don’t think I could live without my magic. Physically nopony can live without magic, but you understand what I mean, right? I couldn’t survive without magic, ponies in general would fail as a society without it. But humans, humans not only managed to survive without magic but THRIVE. I think that hands are the secret, the earliest humans used them to make fire from nothing more than two sticks or a couple of rocks. They created tools to gather and hunt before using those tools to create! There’s so much we could learn from them about how to become better ponies. We can take the lessons we learn from humans and not only match their greatest successes but avoid their worst mistakes.”

3) If you had a human child to take care of, do you think you'd do well? and why do you think this?

“If I had Bons with me to help every step of the way I would. We’ve talked it over and we want to adopt someday, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind if it was a human. But who else besides Alex or Matt would have even the slightest clue on how to care for them?”

4) Do you think you'd enjoy living in a human world? If so, what are your thoughts on Bacon? Roast Turkey? Veal? Sushi with fish or crab? Those are main staples in most human diets, and it's not healthy for humans to go without protein for extended periods of time.

Lyra goes slightly pale before appearing to steady herself. “Alex told me there are places to go where no meat is served, he called them vegetarian restaurants. I know I can’t avoid all of it but I’m sure I can handle enough of it to cope with it, especially considering everything that I will learn. I would be fine as long as I had Alex or Matthew to keep me safe.”

Alex and Matt glance at each other. Matt says, “You take her.”

Alex responds, “No, you take her.”

Matt’s witty reply, “Nuh, uh. You take her.”

Alex ends the argument, “I have wives and children to consider.”

Matt glared coldly at Alex, then chuckled warmly, “You bastard.”

JimboTex

Ahh, a chance to ask all those questions I've been saving up... With that out of the way, here we go!

For Twilight:

1) How goes the research into keeping Alex alive?

“It’s actually going very well well, thanks to an unexpected gift. Last night I received a strange package. A huge twelve volume set of very detailed notes, observations, and studies of humans, focused on Alex. I still don’t know where they got all that additional information. So, I have an idea, based on Alex’s suggestion of a purposely inefficient device. I also have an idea to protect him physically and maybe augment his physical strength, to put him closer, physically, to ponies. But, there are still so many details to work out. I’ll have to ask Shining for the name of a royal armourer, and...” Twilight starts muttering to herself and scribbling notes furiously.

2) You once mentioned Alex having a bit of chaos magic in him. Could this have anything to do with why Fluttershy and RD (and perhaps Applejack) were acting... Discorded, as it were... after the popping cat incident?

Twilight looks up from all three scrolls and quills scratching away madly, “What? Oh...” The quills stop and the scrolls pile themselves neatly beside her. “That is a very real possibility. The effects of chaos magic on pony psychology are well documented, and the behaviour of Rainbow, Applejack, and especially Rainbow Dash, fell well within the accepted chaos induced behavior parameters.”

3) Where does Rarity fall on the Unicorn Power Scale? If she and Applejack were to get into another pillow fight, would she be able to, say, hurl the pillows at relativistic speeds? And would said hurling in any way resemble what would happen if you were to do the same with a baseball?

“As you know there is an informal scale among unicorns from zero to five, with two being a strong average. I myself am a four on this scale, Beatrix a three, and my good friend Rarity being a two. Please remember that this is pure power, not the ability to control that power. An experienced two could easily out do an inexperienced four.

4) If you need a defense attorney at some point in the future, I can recommend one for you. You could say that he's the greatest human lawyer ever. Be warned, though: he has a penchant for epically pointing an index finger filled with righteous justice at people and shouting "OBJECTION!" at the top of his lungs...

“O...kay... If I need a lawyer I’ll be sure to keep your recommendation in mind.”

For Rainbow Dash:

1) What's with Soarin' and the pies, anyway?

Dash shrugs, “What can I say, they guy likes his pie.”

2) So... about this Ace Swift dude I mentioned last time... Has he ever tried to blackmail you into dropping out of a major pegasus race by threatening to leak embarrassing photographs to the tabloids?

Dash gives an anoyed snort, “Yeah well, after he met Alex, there won’t be any more problems.” She looks lovingly at Alex, “Isn’t that right big guy?”

Alex smirks, “Nope. I made sure he knew I would be very... displeased if anything that would hurt my angel happen to pop up. I also told him this applied to all my friends and family.”

For Fluttershy:

1) With all due respect, I find it hard to believe that Angel bunny is misunderstood - especially after witnessing him pimp-slap you and throw you out of your own house during the Iron Will incident!

“Oh, but he is. Angel is a darling, he just gets grouchy when he hasn’t eaten. I don’t know what a pimp-slap is but it doesn’t sound very nice. When he threw me out of the house that time... well, you have to understand that I hadn’t gone into town in over a week. He just wanted me to spend some time with other ponies. Getting him food was just his excuse to make me do it, he only ever has my best intentions at heart. Don’t tell the others but if it weren’t for him I would probably never see other ponies.”

2) Is there any creature that has proven to be resistant to "The Stare?"

“Oh, my, well, no, not really. But, I’ve never tried in on Matt. He’s such a dear, I can’t imagine him doing anything that would deserve it.”

For Lyra (either one or both!):

1) Is Golden Coins really sponsoring your "research" into humans?

“I have several clients paying me for my time and research, however at this time Golden Coins is the only one who isn’t paying me a premium to stay quiet about it.”

In the background, a richly dressed earth pony mutters, “I knew I forgot something. Ms Butterscotch, take a note...”

2) You don't need to waste time with Matt or Alex. I'd gladly be your guinea pig/case study/boy toy/etc.! I just have one condition on my modest proposal: promise me you won't have my excretions laminated for posterity!

The Lyra’s put their heads together and start discussing, the only words that make it out of the huddle are “pickle jar.”

“Deal! But I’m not giving up my Matthew.”

“Or Alex.”

Both Lyra’s grin like they’ve pulled off some dastardly deed.

Matt leans over to Alex and deadpans, “Run...”

For the Doctor:

1) Have you managed to find any ponies named "Alonzo" during your time in Equestria?

“Yes... No... Well... maybe. Yes. Definitely no.”

2) What would happen if Alex's timeline were to cross with Matt's timeline?

“Death! Destruction! Daleks! Doom! And pears for everyone... poor buggers.”

3) With all of these human reality jumpers ending up stuck in Equestria for 50+ years, I have to ask: Is Equestria located in some sort of quantum sargasso (where things can easily jump to, but can't really jump out of), or something?

“There is something odd about this place. When I landed here in my blue box, she told me the wall was one way, as it were. It will take about 60 years to recharge and then the only destination is Eart... I mean a place I’ve been to many times.” Time Turner sighs wistfully, “I miss my thumbs.”

DiscordsAdvocate

DA: "Okay, everyone in line! No pushing! You'll all get your questions!"
Hulk: "HULK HAS QUESTION FOR KNIGHT SHADE!"
DA: "Ugh! WRONG SHOW!" (points a strange cane at the Hulk)
Hulk: (vanishes in a puff of logic)

Everypony looks at Alex for an explanation as to who the big green guy was. Alex scratches the back of his head nervously. "Lets just say he's a nicer guy when he isn't angry."

DA: "Okay first up, Sheogorath."

Princess Luna leans in to Princess Cadence: "Who let him into our realm?"

She answered with a shrug, "Ask DA. He's bringing these people."

Sheogorath: "Discord, my lad! How long has it been my dear, sadistic, prince of chaos? Or was it muffins? NO! Its chaos! While you are resting in your stony tomb, how about taking an astral stroll to the Shivering Isles? It gets boring trying to redesign my manically humble abode in Oblivion without a second opinion! I promise to be a duplicit host, with the finest cheese! You can even play with Wabbajack if you can help me remember who I gave the bloody thing to!"

“...”

Sheogorath: “Well if you're gonna be that way, then 'good day to you sir.' I said 'good day!' (teleports away)

DA: (hides Wabbajack behind his back) "Mr. Richards? You have two questions."

Reed Richards: "Hello Alex Roberts! Its good to see you are fairing well for a change! I have only been given a brief amount of time to ask you how that laptop has helped you?”

“Mr. Richards, you have no idea how much it helped. It helped me keep my sanity by keeping me in touch with my family, it helped me with learning skills to survive the various places I’ve been, and it once stopped an arrow from killing me. If I ever get the opportunity, I’ll repay your kindness, I will, somehow. And tell Ben hi from me.”

Richards: “Will do! My second question is for Ms. Twilight Sparkle. If magic is made of particles, are they elementary particles and would they equate to what we humans call radiation, given it seems deadly to humans."

Twilight tilts her head slightly, an expression of curiosity tempered with a friendly smile on her face. “That would be a fair approximation.”

DA: "Right," (Checks list) "Batman?"
Batman: "To Princess Luna. How does one decide when one has wasted their chances to be redeemed? When does punishment become necessary?"

Princess Luna looks at Batman for a moment, as if peering into his soul. She then looks at him with respect, but also a hint of pity. "You know as well as I; not all can be saved or changed as easily as others. But there is no such thing as someone who is beyond redemption. Though some may be so far gone, they would take centuries to change...like I was once. The right punishment can make a difference. But often punishments serve to avenge, not teach. They are a dangerous method to teach a creature. Though, mine taught me much as I observed my children from above. I hope this brings you clarity, Dark Knight."

DA: "Good question, Bru-er, Bats. Next!"
Deadpool: "DRAMATIC ENTRANCE!" (drops in through the roof, smashing a hole in it)

Shining Armor looks around in a slight panic, "How did he get passed the guards?"

Whooves calmly replies, "This is nothing. One time he body-slid into my Tardis."

DA: (facepalm)
Deadpool: "Pinkie Piiiiiiie!" (Lands in front of her) "My cupcake content is running low and I need my fix babe! Bro hoof!" (hold fist in front of her)

Pinkie squees in delight, “Wade!” She throws her forehooves around him, “Don’t worry, Auntie Pinkie is here now. I’ll help you take away those meany weenies and be a fun party person.” Deadpool backs away in a cold sweat. "Uh, heheh. Um...hey! That dude with the Fez is looking at me funny. Body-Slide-back-to-Loco-Chimichangas!" He teleports away.

DA: "Please let the next guy be someone less homicidal."
The Flash: "This question is for Rainbow Dash."
DA: "Always knew you were a brony."

Dash snickers.

The Flash: "Shut up! Anyways, I've broken the sound barrier at ground level once. It was one hell of a sensation. What’s it like for you breaking the whatever barrier for the Sonic Rainboom?"

“It’s amazing. I get a rush from my mane to my hooves. I would say it's as good as sex.” Alex cocks an eyebrow and flashes a bit of a smirk. “Okay, maybe not that good, but really close.”

DA: (whispers to Dash) "Seriously, he has a poster of you in his-" (PUNCH!) "...ow...next..."

Dash: (pats DA on the head). "Bring Superman next time, dude."

Johnny Bravo: (rushes in) "Here's Johnny!"
DA: "...wut?"
Johnny Bravo: "Hey there Equine-mamas! Any lucky lady wanting a gorgeous guy like me?" (looks in the mirror straightening his hair before flashing a smile to the crowd)

The two Lyras huddle, you can hear snippets like, “... really human?” and “... close enough …”. They then turn as one and grin at him.

DA: "Someone call Hasbro, I think they’re about to lose a character. Lets see...next...is me, me, me, and me again!" (clears throat) "Princess Celestia, you have identified yourself as a princess, but there are hints you once were a Goddess? Were you ever more strict in your management of your little ponies and have been letting your mortal kin take more responsibility over the centuries? What will you and your family do if they no longer need a princess?"

“Three words, ‘beach’ and ‘banana daiquiri’. Maybe do that with cute cabana-colts serving my every need. Maybe show my most faithful student how she can please-”

The double doors at the back of the room slam open dramatically, revealing Princess Celestia in all her radiant glory! All the humans in the room become various kinds of gibbering idiot.“Stop right there Molestia. You’ve gone too far this time. And will someone please take care of the humans?” As the two Lyras perk up and charge toward Matt and Alex, “NoNotYouLyra! EitherOneOfYou!” Dash holds Alex’s while he whimpers and Fluttershy stands protectively over Matt as he cowers in terror.

Molestia snears, “You’ve not seen the last of me! Bwahahahaha!”

Celestia graces us all with a divine smile, “Yes, we have. Dear Authors? Can you all promise you will never write that foul creature into your stories ever again?”

We all agree never to write that crazy nag into our stories ever again. Unless she’s a villain, and it would make for a cool story. And it would have to be a comedy one shot or series. So, that’s the best you can get from us, your majesty.

The royal alicorn sighs, “I suppose that’s the best we can hope for. Now, back to the original question, if my little ponies no longer need us to rule them, we will stay and protect them. Like any parent, we must let our foals leave the nest and fly on their own.”

"Second goes to the Great and Powerful Trixie. We have seen your stunts with illusion for your shows, but do you have other ideas for the theater? Like special effects for plays?"

Bea smirks, “The Great and Powerful Trixie is brimming with ideas for spectacles that will amaze and astound.” Her voice changes slightly, “And of course Beatrix,” she giggles a little at the Trixie-ism, “has many ideas regarding the less public parts of running the theatre.”

"Third goes to Zecora. Does Alex look similar to any sapient species from your homeland? Not bestial, mind you."

Zecora ponders your question and after a few uncharacteristic false starts, she simply answers, “Many creatures from here to there and everywhere in between. But creatures like him, I have never seen.”

"Final question is for Alex. Is that knife capable of making anything bigger or slightly more complex? Like a shield, suit of armor, lightsaber, etc...?"

“The short answer is yes, but only a specific list of pre designed tools and weapons. It can change it’s mass from about a hundred grams to about five kilos. The shapes include a knife, slashing and punching, knuckle duster, small spade, spoon, crowbar, hammers including claw, ball peen, and sledge, throwing knife with tether and sea urchin ender.”

Matt visibly shudders, “They call it an ender for a reason. Imagine a one meter wide hardened steel sea urchin suddenly growing inside you where the little throwing blade went in. It made a mess of that timber wolf. I still-”

Alex waves his hands frantically at Matt, “No spoilers!”

Matt, looking a little embarrassed, “Oh, right. Anyway, nasty weapon. Scared the crap outta me when he first used it. If I hadn’t seen it myself I would have thought he’d grenaded me.”

Alex, also looking a little embarrassed, “I said I was sorry.”

Matt smirks, “We’re cool.”

"Thank you everypony!”

Every pony choruses as one, “You’re welcome!”

Pen Brush

A couple questions for Lyra:
1) Why do you follow Alex around?

The two Lyras argue for a moment until Matt’s Lyra cries out, “Yes! So, why follow Alex? Why wouldn’t we! He was the first real live human we ever saw. Before that, all we had were a few dusty Star Swirl manuscripts and some secret transcripts from-”

Alex throws a pillow at her, “Jeez people! What have I told you about spoilers.”

2) Are you going to cut off alex's hands the first chance you get?

Both Lyras look horrified. Alex’s Lyra protests, “I would never do that! I mean, not even that nut case,” she nods to Matt’s Lyra, “would never hurt Alex or Matt. I mean, I only did that thing at the train station to get a fresh blood sample. Getting dressed up as a nurse and stealing scrapings off the floor and sneaking into your hospital room when Rainbow T...” Dash glares daggers at Lyra like only Dash can, ”Rainbow, was in the washroom or talking to the doctor. I mean, I thought I could get a fresh enough sample from the popping cat claws, but there were too many ponies milling around for too long. I ended up stealing a bit from Sparkle. She’s always too obsessed with whatever she’s doing to notice what’s going on around her.”

In the corner, a miserable looking Bonbon shook her head slowly, sniffling back a sob.

3) Do you think Alex has a secret about how you can get hands?

Matt’s Lyra slams her hooves on the table “Ugh! Why does everypony and every human think I’m so stupid! Unless I’m mistaken humans are born with their hands, that would be like asking a unicorn what the secret behind their horn is or a pegasus how they got their wings! I want to learn how they work, yes but I’m not going to cut them off and mount them on my hooves. It doesn’t even work like that... does it?”

Matt pipes up, “See, this is why I’m not afraid of my safety around her. Yeah she can be kind of scary but she’s not stupid enough to do something crazy... Unlike an other highly intelligent unicorn I could name.”

Twilight Sparkle does not react in any way, happily reading her book.

4) What would you do with hands you crazy messed up mare?

“Are you kidding! Why wouldn’t you want hands? Look at what they can do, it’s like telekinesis but you can feel everything. I mean yes you can pick stuff up with your hooves, but you can’t manipulate them. Just imagine the music I could make with them or how much easier it would be for doctors to heal ponies, or even how much easier it would make farming. They wouldn’t have to worry about teeth marks on their produce. Everypony could pick things up off the ground without getting the taste of dirt in their mouths, no more worrying about drooling on parchment when you’re writing.

Hands are the future and I want to be the first pony to get them. I want to grab something, I want to feel everything and I WANT TO DO IT RIGHT BUCKING NOW!” Lyra panted hard, her excitement and passion in plain sight. The Alex’s Lyra moves slightly farther away from her alternate.

Matt calls over the table, “Hey Alex.”

“Yes?”

“Remember what you asked me about earlier? You know, how crazy my Lyra is? How’s that for an answer?”

Alex pinches the bridge of his nose, “I’d rather have been left wondering.”

5) Did you write the extra research on alex?

“Yes. It’s my finest academic work yet. It’s even better than anything Sparkle has ever published. But, I decided to give Twilight a copy because I suspected he was ill and as much as I hate to admit it, she’s darn smart. I knew she could so something to save Alex with it. New research is hard for her but she’s always excelled if she has an information base to draw data from.”

Dash looked at the Lyras, confused. “Wait, you mean, you’re the ones who gave Twilight all the extra information that helped her save Alex?” The Lyras slowly nod. Dash flutters forward and takes them both into a warm hug, “Thank you so much for helping to save him. I know we didn’t end things well, and I’m sorry for that. I realize none of us are going to remember this, but I hope a tiny part of me does remember, so I can thank you again.”

6) Do you follow him around?

“Naturally. An observer has to observe their subject. How else would we get information?”

7) Did you impale him with your horn to get a blood sample?

Alex’s Lyra’s expression is very slightly panicked, “Maybe...”

Matt’s Lyra grows annoyed, “Dash spotted me before I could trip Alex. We had a shouting match in the middle of the train station. Not fun. Anyway, I underestimated the resilience of human skin.”

8) What if i told you hands were overrated and I would do anything to be a pony?

Alex’s Lyra give you a confused stare, “I know that’s your opinion and you are well within your rights but I must disagree. If I, or any pony, could retain their magical ability and gain the incredible manual dexterity, there is nothing we couldn’t do. Of course, since hands are so much more delicate than hooves, with all those tiny bones and ligaments, we would have to walk on our hind legs all the time. That would be hard. I mean, I can do it for a few minutes, maybe walk a block, but my back kills me by the end of it.”

9) you do know that ponies would look weird with hands...right? ponies are meant to have hooves and not be bipedal they are meant to be four legged animals

Both Lyras roll their eyes at you in unison. “Well duh. We know that. But, we can dream, right?”

jplsnake252719952012

Spike
So Alex has been around for awhile now so what do you think of him.

Spike looks up from the buffet table, sucking in a big green gem. “Well, yeah. Alex is okay. I mean, as long as I wear these,” he pats the little filters in his nostrils, “I don’t want to set him on fire. But, really, we don’t hang out or anything. I hang out more with Scootaloo and the other Crusaders. I mean, they made me an official Crusader after that thing with Sapphire. That was so-”

A trio of fillies all put their hooves on his mouth while glaring at him. He shrugs sheepishly and continues.

“So, yeah. We don’t hang out or anything, but he’s Scoot’s dad now, so I guess he’s okay.”

Lyra
So if you like hands or other parts of the human body why not just ask Alex for a mold of said parts or is there no molding material in Equestria.

“Hands are too complex to simply make a copy of. Also there is the issue of manipulation. Yes unicorns could use magic to move the fingers but that would eliminate the entire purpose of having hands. Why does everypony need me to explain this to them.”

taz2723

Firstly, questions for the Memoirs characters.

Rarity

What did you do with Tom the rock?

Rarity gets a very unladylike sneer, “It was agreed upon by all never to speak of it again. However, let us just say he was a real gem on the inside. You see, upon further investigation, I discovered Tom was infact a giant geode. The colours were a perfect match to what I had in mind for my new spring line. I suppose Discord would have found it amusing to put a collection of highly valuable gems inside a rock that he had convinced me was diamond.”

Spike and Pinkie

Why are you rarely in the story anymore?

“Well, I’m just a kid. Why would I hang out with an old geezer like Alex?”

Matt snickers, “I always did like Spike.”

Pinkie looks at you with the sweetest grin, “And I’m busy going on adventures with Whooves, “ she snorts and giggles, “I mean Time Turner. That’s a silly name, but that’s what he wants his secret identity to be.”

Alex

How's the progress on the theater coming along?

“Quite well, actually, everything considered. I have Perfect Home sending the initial designs soon. At the next council meeting I’ll use those to present my plans, including the regional transport pads. Assuming I have enough support, and I’m confident I do, I’ll start fundraising, get some bidding for the contract, and Bea and I will start looking for staff and acts.”

Lyra

Are you still obsessed with humans?

Alex’s Lyra smiles happily, “We’re not obsessed.”

Matt’s Lyra continues in a disturbingly perky tone, “We’re focussed.” The entire room just stares at the Lyra’s.

They reply in unison, “Umm... Yes?”

Big Macintosh

Do you still have smartypants?

The mighty stallion starts to sweat noticeably, his eyes shifting from side to side, “If you mean, do I have smartypants here? Then no.”

Twilight perks up, “Hey! I was looking for that since I came back from Canterlot.”

Applejack gave a slow smile, “Mac? I think they mean, do you still have that doll hidden in your closet.”

His eyes went huge, his cheeks redder than red. He started to stammer, and when all hope was lost, a silver haired, blue coated mare stepped beside him.

“So he likes dolls? Have you ever considered maybe he’s a sensitive soul? A poet? Just because he’s,” the mare starts getting a little heated, “a perfect physical example of Equestrian stallionhood doesn’t mean,” she nuzzles him and he seems even more confused, “he can’t have a mind. Please, Applejack, there’s more to your brother than just his looks and physical strength. He’s kind and sweet and sensitive.”

Applejack looks at Beatrix for a moment, snorts, and starts laughing. She then sees the looks they are giving her, the looks most of the ponies in the room are giving her, the looks Alex and Matt are giving her, and sad resigned expression Big Mac has. She stops cold. “Oh, hey, I was just foolin around. Ain’t nothing wrong with boys liking girl stuff. Sorry, Big Macintosh.”

Alex chuckled kindly and whispered to Matt, “Now that is what I’m talking about. That’s what makes them worth protecting.”

Now questions for the Jumper characters.

Matt

Do you plan on helping Alex out with the theater?

“I don’t know. I’ll probably end up doing something to help out once I get settled in. If he gets a decent enough piano I’ll probably help out just so I can get some time to play on it. I’m not sure I could get up the courage to play for an audience.”

Alex gets a goofy smile, runs over to Bea, who was still snuggling Mac, they have a hurried conversation, Bea kissed Mac full on the lips, then joins Alex.

Alex excitedly asks, “Did I hear you correctly? You play the piano?”

Matt answers cautiously, “Yeah... but, I’m not too keen on performing for crowds.”

Bea waves a hoof dismissively, “Sweetie, I can help you with that. Are you any good?”

Matt answers with a little pride, “Yes I am. Not the best in the world, but-”

Alex interrupts, “Actually, you are now the most skilled human pianist in Equestria. Congratulations, maistro.”

“I swear to god if you try and make me wear tails I will hold a seminar on how to fight bipeds and use you as a teaching aid. Bucks to the balls, no armor in equestria will let you retain the ability to reproduce.”

Alex smirks, “I’ve already got two kids and I’m adopting one more. If it gets you on stage, it’s worth it.”

Lyra

Why are you so obsessed with hands?

“Like we said earlier it’s not the hands as much as what’s possible with them.”

Fluttershy

How do you feel about Matt?

“He’s just a big softie once you get to know him. He’s kind to all my animal friends and he tries his best to be a good houseguest. I know he must have had a terrible time before he got here, but despite it all he tries not to let it change him. He does get kind of scary when he’s afraid or feels threatened, but I think that’s just in his nature.”

Alex

Do you trust Matt?

Alex glances at Matt and chuckles a little, much to Matt’s annoyance. “That’s a complicated answer. I want to trust him, and intellectually, I have no reason to not trust him. He’s a decent person and beyond a few misunderstandings, he’s never done anything to make me not trust him.”

“However, I just can’t get past the feeling he’s done so much violence so casually. I know it was because he didn’t know all the facts, and he was tricked and used like a pawn. I also know it’s unfair and I wish I could change the way I think. Heck, Dash likes him and every time she spends time with him she tells me all about it, all those miscommunications,” Alex starts to laugh, “and clop.” Matt rolls his eyes and shakes his head.
“So, short answer, I trust him, I like him, but I worry about him. It sucks, and it’s hard to change that, but I’m trying. In fact, as a... trust exercise, I was thinking of giving him his gun back. I mean, if my angel trusts him,” Alex shrugs and smiles wearily, “what choice do I have?”

warpd

Doctor:

Given that you are fairly familiar with both humans and ponies now, can you give the best case scenario if the two species would meet up? Not just single individuals like in Alex's case, but an earth to equestria contact.

“In the past, I’ve said humans and ponies should delay their meeting, but when it does happen, it will be glorious. I still believe that. But, if they meet up before they are both ready, I would say humans with their population outnumbering ponies by an astronomical margin, plus the humans knack for technology and lateral thinking, would put the ponies at a great disadvantage. However, I think most humans would go to the ends of the universe to protect these sweet, innocent, good creatures.”

Pear?

“Oh, for heavens sake. Why with the pear questions? I hate pears. Well, I suppose in this body they’re a little more... who am I kidding? Pears are rubbish.”

Applejack:

Looks like Alex is eating an apple this time...a very fuzzy looking apple. Wait a minute, that's no apple that's a peach! Stop HIM!

Applejack cocks an eyebrow at Alex. He mutters, “Oh, shit,” and quickly throws the peach away.

A.J. smiles calmly at you, “Now why in tarnation would I need to stop him? He can do that all by himself.”

Techogre:

With season 3 coming up, how much do you think it will change your story? New villains, new crazy scenarios, and new songs. Might be awkward with Trixie shows up and she's a badmare. Pretty sure Discord is coming back.

An ordinary looking guy in the back with glasses and short cropped hair shyly looks up from his laptop, “Oh, hey! I’ll do my best to incorporate new information, mostly in a ‘Of course we all knew that all along, Alex. We didn’t mention it before because... OH LOOK!! A MONKEY!!’ way.”

“I saw the season three opener and it was a four out of five. But, come on. That villain? Lame.” The aforementioned villain looks up from his dainty tea cup with black crystal motif. He frowns and hisses something that sounds like slaves, and walks out of the room in a huff.

Alex:

That is four ponies that have shown interests in you. They say you're not attractive, but clearly something else is going on.

Alex blushes and Dash starts speaking, “Well, I’ll tell you what attracted me to this big lug. He was brave, even when he didn’t have any reason to be, even when he knew if his bluff was called he was done for. He put others before himself.”

Applejack pushes her hat back, “I reckon it was his work ethic, his stubborn streak, his sense of family, and how he was one of the few fellas who liked me for me. But, I guess I appreciate him now for bringing Elusive into my life.

Rarity sighs, “When I first saw him I admit, now that he’s a dear friend, that he was some beastly creature Rainbow Dash was dragging behind her.” Alex and Dash can be seen in the background chuckling. “No, after I spoke to him I could see a noble stallion beneath the brutish exterior. He was kind, sensitive, brave; all the ideal qualities of a gallant knight. While I did, and still do, admire him, he was not my type as it were. I was smitten by him, but never romantically interested.” She takes a long, not so hidden glance at Spike. Their eyes lock, unspoken words shout out and only they can hear them.

Beatrix smiles shyly at Alex, “He gave me hope when I had none. He’s a good friend. He’s a good person, and I would do anything to protect him. As I said before, I... I love him, like a mother loves a child. Thanks to him, I have hope and a kind, humble stallion who loves me. I owe him everything and he asks for nothing. How great is that?” Her voice changes a little, “Even Trixie admires Alex. She calls him a friend.”

So not share this with the ponies. So how does that Rainbow taste? Hehe.

Alex plays the video, and as realization dawns on him and the gathered ponies, he quickly turns it off. The anger is palpable. His eyes throw unbridled hate at you, and you start to feel a little uncomfortable asking the question.

Without taking his eyes off you, “Matt? You ready for that thing we talked about?”

Matt stands and strides toward Alex, “With pleasure.” He draws his tonfa and gives it a spin, gripping the weapon in a grappling position.

Alex turns to Princess Luna and goes to a knee, “Would you be so kind, my Princess?”

You feel your eardrums bleed as Princess Luna speaks to you across the realities. “Foul villain! Thou has abused thy privilege of friendly question asking. Thou hast insulted one of the noble Elements of Harmony. This cannot be left unanswered. Noble Twilight Sparkle, hast thou found the location of this varlet?”

Incredibly, Twilight makes eye contact with you, through the realities, and her smile makes your blood run cold, “I’ve got him Luna. Anytime you’re ready.”

You get up from your seat in a panic, ready to run, when there is a blinding flash. Standing behind you are a middle aged man with a sneer and a knife, along with his armoured friend toying with a tonfa.

You soon realize the error of your ways. As Alex and Matt teleport away, you see a rolled up poster appear on your kitchen table. You open it and it’s a Rainbow Dash poster signed by the coolest mare in Equestria herself. “To: warpd, The answer to your question is chicken. Now stay the buck away from me, Rainbow Dash”

Lyra:

Look at your cutie mark. Remember who you are! Such fantasies about Alex are shortsighted and will only lead to disappointment.

“What don’t you people get? Hands could lead to a whole new way to play my instrument. But sometimes I do miss playing it as often as I used to.”

That said, in some other universe another Lyra actually hooked up with Alex. U mad?

“I’m not mad. In that reality Alex and I could be completely different. I might be disappointed that Alex and I aren’t together now, but who knows what the future holds. No offence Rainbow but you don’t exactly have the best track record for keeping your mates around.”

Dash glares at Lyra in the way only a woman scorned can, “It’s different this time, Hearts, cuz, you see, now, I have someone worth holding on to.”

Lyra snarls at Dash, “You filthy nag, I was better off without you. And for the record, you're the messiest lover I ever had. Your slobbery chops couldn’t hold back that thing you call a tongue”

Dash got off her pillow and Alex was trying to restrain her. She continued as if he didn’t exist, “You crazy OCD nut job. I hope Matt tells you to go to Tartarus. Just like Alex did.”

Lyra scoffed, throwing her head back dramatically, “HA! Send me away, looks like you don’t need to be told when to go and abandon someone.” Dash recoiled as if bitten. “Yeah, I know all about that. I know all about how wittle Dashie gets scared and runs away!”

Dash smiled a predatory smile and said sarcastically, “Oh! I’m sorry did I hit a nerve? I would offer you a pat on the back, but you would probably like someone with hands to do it. I doubt Matt would ever touch you because you freak him out so much!”

Lyra lights her horn, Matt reacts instantly leaping out of his chair and wrapping his arms around Lyra, physically pulling her off her hooves and putting Dash out of Lyra’s line of sight. His one hand slips under her neck, and the other over her head. The arm contacts her lit horn and he hisses in pain.

Matt glares at Dash, “Enough! I will not stand for you two sniping and trading blows with each other. You're acting like a bunch of animals!” Matts face pales but he maintains his hold

Alex mutters to himself, “Fuck me, this is worse than Jerry Springer.”

Alex's Lyra just takes notes and comments, “Rainbow really was a sloppy kisser.”

To other Lyra:

Psst, the other Lyra plans on taking both humans for herself. Such deception must not be tolerated. Then you can get both for yourself.

“She has the reality with Alex and Matt, I don’t want to change realities and mess things up for her, she’s me right? Also I don’t like the look in her eye, I think she’d hurt me to keep them to herself.”

“Actually I think that question was for me. I’d stop anyone from taking my Alex and Matt away. If I’d fight Princess Celestia for them what makes you think I would hesitate to defend them against an alternate version of me.”

Twilight:

Have you tried hooking up with other Twilights via Alex's Laptop? That could help when comparing notes.

“Since the internet connection is limited to Alex’s universe, I’m afraid the only Twilights I have found are humans running blogs under my name. When I corrected them, they laughed at me. Humans can be so cruel.”

Bea:

Mare you got swag! No questions need to be asked.

Beatrix smiles politely, "Oh, thank you sweety.”

Discord:

So why ponies? Why not just go somewhere where you talents would be appreciated?

“...”

Dash smirks, “Guess Discord wasn't as rock hard as me, eh? Get it? Rock. Hard.” She laughs at a joke only she and Matt find funny, he reaches out and bumps his fist against her hoof.

Applejack, with a thoughtful, compassionate expression, tilts her hat back, “Now R.D. it’s not nice to gloat. I actually feel sorry for Discord, bein’ all trapped in that rock and all. I mean, he caused a whole heap of misery and suffering. But, heh, maybe Tom can give him some company?”

Rarity flashs an annoyed smile at her friend.

Rainbow Dash:

Recently we just had a guy free-fall and he broke the sound barrier. There was no rainbows though. By the way have you shown Alex you're famous sonic rainboom?

Dash starts to giggle, “That’s kind of a personal question, don’t you think?”

Alex smirks, “No, I haven’t had the opportunity to see that kind of sonic rainboom.”

Fluttershy:

Ever thought about encouraging Alex to get a pet? It might help with his personal issues if he has one. Maybe a cute fluffy bunny, or a wasp! Wasps and humans do well give him one of those right now...(hehe).

She shyly smiles, “Well, I do have the perfect pet for him, but I’m worried... well, I’ll have to discuss it with Rainbow first, especially if Scootaloo will be living there.”

Rarity:

Four mares have shown interests in Alex. What is up with that?

“He is simply a kind and decent person.” She smiles sadly, “A truly gallant knight. If only some stallions could learn from him.”

Pinkie:

Did you graduate from ACME University? It would explain a lot.

“I did spend a semester there, but it was too boring.”

With a Tardis on hoof, have you tried collecting all the Pinkie Pies (the nice ones) in existence to throw the greatest party eternity will ever know? Might be fun.

“Well, the problem is that Whooves’s box only goes back and forth in time, not different realities. Anyway, I have all my friends here, and my newest friend, Alex.” She gets a thoughtful little smile, “Alex made Dashie really, really happy. Happier than I’ve ever seen her.”

Pinkie’s hair flattens ever so slightly and a melancholy expression is on her face for a moment, “Before Alex, Dashie was so lonely. She always had a different colt friend or mare friend, but she was always sad. Sometimes, when we went out pranking, we would just sit somewhere quiet and talk. When she meet Alex, she was so excited, he was so different. Not just his shape, but the way he liked her for being her. And when she was with him at the hospital, I visited her, brought her cupcakes and coffee.”

Pinkie looks around conspiratorially, “It was the first time I saw her cry, like really, really cry. She was so worried. Even then, she said he was something special. And that surprised me, because whenever she talked about special friends, she always complained about them being... not so special.”

Celestia & Luna:

Lullaby for a Princess. A little song from us from across the proverbial pond.

Alex clicks on the link and the room goes quiet. The beautiful strains of the music wafted over everyone. Couples held each other tightly. Celestia’s eyes were closed and a tear stained her perfect cheek. Luna lovingly nuzzled her sister. When the song ended, the silence was only broken by the occasional sniffle.

Beatrix gave Mac a final nuzzle and spoke quietly, “Alex, it would seem our world has touched hearts in yours, and now your world has touched hearts in ours.”

“I personally prefer the elegance of a piano. I miss playing. It was always the best way for me to cope with... Things.” Matt closes his eyes and hums the melody, his fingers playing an invisible piano. His head moved to the melody, completely absorbed in his mental reproduction.

Dash gave Alex a kiss on the cheek, and with head held low, went to Lyra. “Look, I’m no good at this kind of thing, but, I’m sorry I flipped out at you. And I’m sorry I hurt you back then. I really hope you and Bonbon are happy.”

Lyra sniffed, “It’s okay. I... anyway, it’s cool. And, I am happy with Bons. I just hope she’s still happy with me.” Both Lyras look lovingly at Bons, who had been sitting meekly in the corner.

Bonbon, with a happy smile, “Oh Lyra, I’ll always be here for you... you crazy mare.” All three mares hug and hold each other, happy to be with loved ones.

Masterweaver

Okay let's get this out of the way first: Rarity I need to hide in your boutique. See there was a fire that burned down an entire planet--don't worry nothing sapient or living was there, just a bunch of priceless art--and while I most certainly did not start the flame I was technically present and that gives the planet's owners enough reason to think that maybe I did cause it (I was actually trying to stop it, but I had no success). So if you see a black leather robe tailored for a human sulking around in your closets, that's me, and any mammoth zealous anthropoids come around asking, I am not here. I swear I'll make this up to you.

“Of course, darling. A lady always helps those in need.”

Ahem, so, er, Dashie! Kinda made a silly call there, last time, hope you don't hate me for it. Eeeeeeer is it possible that you have Quetzalcoatl blood? Or is that a stupid question?

“Yeah, that’s a stupid question. And what the hay is a Quetzalcoatl.”

Chrysalis, your invasion of Canterlot makes no tactical sense. If you feed purely on love, AND EVEN if that love has to be directed by another being, it would make much more sense to infiltrate orphanages and take over the foster care system to ensure maximum marriage capacity. Admit it, the only real reason you took the city over was because there was this certain pink alicorn that you thought you could turn into a food machine. That's all that makes sense to me.

From the dark corner of the room, the insectoid queen known as Chrysalis and feared by all snarls savagely at you, "How dare you lecture me, drone! I know more of my race and our needs than you, and I know our abilities! If we were successful, we would have guaranteed the preservation of our species for more than a century! Who is to say we will not succeed on a second attempt..."

Pinkie Pie.... wait, you're not the right Pinkie Pie, you're from MY fanfic! Get back into the proper universe! Sorry about that, sock puppet, you know how she can be...

An alternate Pinkie Pie sadly returns to her universe.

Pinkie Pie, sorry about the confusion. Anywho if you're being observed by us, how can you tell who is doing the observing? Wouldn't the multitude of input signals blur into static... actually, that explains a lot. TWILIGHT WRITE THAT DOWN.

Twilight doesn’t even look up from all five scrolls and quills scribbling furiously, “Way ahead of you.”

Hmmm, who else... OH YES AJ! I... wait, no, these are questions for the Pony POV AJ... no, no, no, that's not right, um.... okay, out on a limb here, what do you think of the Pony POV series?

Applejack tilts her head slightly, “What’s a ‘Pony POV’?” Matt leans over to her and whispers something in her ear. She gets a confused expression. “How in tarnation can that writer know what’s going through our heads?”

Matt shrugs, “Welcome to the world of fanfics.”

“Y’all can keep them.”

Let's see--Oh yes! Fluttershy! Nyancat. That is all. I really wish there was more but I just realized I picked up the wrong notebook and I'm totally making these questions up as I go. Oh wait actually here's a bizarre idea: If you were a mother, which of your friends would be the child?

“I don’t know if I could be a mother, foalsitting the Cutie Mark Crusaders showed me that. But I would welcome any creature into my home, even a foal of my own. But if I had a choice of fathers...” She blushes a bright red and hides behind her mane.

Lyra, are you aware Bonbon's a changeling and has always been a changeling?

"With how little attention she's been giving me lately if I were a changeling I would have starved." Bon-Bon muses sadly.

“Oh don’t be such a sour-bon. Didn’t we just spend three whole days only getting out of bed for food or to go to the little fillies room?” Bon-Bon turns redder than the streak in Rainbow Dash’s mane.

Vinyl Scratch! Is... not here, dang. Er. Um. You two, human and pegasus! Make sure she plays at your reception and ask her from me what her relationship with Rarity is! On second thought, that's not an order. I don't have the authority to give either of you orders and I'm sorry.

Dash laughs, “Aw ya! Vinyl and me go way back, don’t we Vi?”

“Awwwh yeah! We’ve known each other since, like, forever, well not when you were in Cloudsdale, but yeah, we’ve been friends forever, even when I accidentally launched half of Ponyville into the Everfree with my bass cannon, she still wanted to hang out with me after it had blown over. Flash and me, we have done all kinds of wild things...”

Dash flashes her a desperate look that said, ‘Shut up! My stallion’s right there.’

“I guess I’d better not go into detail with all the funky stuff.” Vinyl’s cheeks glow a crimson red, her glasses covering her eyes darting around the room. Nevertheless, she kept that flashy trademark smirk.

Actually, Twilight, have you considered teaching Alex external magic? My comprehension of the subject is not limited, though obviously not to your standards; runes and wands and suchlike seem to be more used for channeling then direct casting.

“I did pursue this as a possible way of extracting magical contamination, but he simply does not have the ability to direct normal magic. However, passive devices, like his knife, will work well with him. I’ll add ‘wand’ and ‘runes’ to the list of possible devices.” She flashes you a sincere grin, “Thank you so much.”

Spike! Given that a pony and another creature are together romantically, what would you say if I told you that I am aware of... actually, before I ask you that, how old are you? And do you switch sexes at low temperature?

“I’m nine, same age as Applebloom and Scootaloo and,” the young dragon makes a dreamy sigh, “Sweetie Belle.”

Rarity looks startled then a little sad.

“And no, Mr Creepy, I’m all male, all the time. That only applies to lizards, not dragons.” He gets a slightly worried look, “At least, I don’t think so...”

Okay, questions for the Alicorns, but before you answer: I know that the whole Aura Of Kindness thing is supposed to be reassuring but in my book it skirts dangerously close to brainwashing. And even though I don't technically have a brain--black leather robe and all that--I kinda like being me, so... yeah, could you not do that? Please? It's really scary, and not in the Nightmare Night sense. More the hunger of the hidden mind swimming in blood and agony sense. Please please please?
Ahem.

Soooooooooooo Cadance! Since I'm sure most humans are thinking it and I know that someone will ask after you got married to such a fine, well-toned, strong, big, handsome, powerful, chivalrous stallion like your Shining Armor.... how old are you anyway? ((Teehee I am evil))

She smiles kindly at you, “Actually, I’m a year younger than Shining.” She giggled girlishly, “What can I say, I like more mature stallions.”

Celestia, would you mind giving us the grim and dirty details.... OF YOUR LAUNDRY UPKEEP?!! Oh and how do you feel about the whole Pink Celestia and Trollestia things, be honest, people are watching.

“Laundry? Well, I suppose I wear the occasional piece of clothing, for comfort or...” she smiles mischievously, “special occasions. But, laundry is only a small part of the upkeep.”

“As for Pink Celestia and Trollestia, these are creatures of fantasy, with no basis in reality. Well, not this one.”

Luna... Abacus. Yes or no. Also, given that the Element Bearers are mortal, are you prepared on the off chance Discord breaks out after they die?

“The abacus is a noble tool of science, much under appreciated by my dear sister. I was always more interested, and skilled, in the hard sciences. The softer social sciences were the areas of expertise most carefully honed by my sister.”

“As for the future possibility of Discord’s escape, we are already preparing for the future. We have... contingencies.”

Discord! No seriously, Discord, you are not chaotic. I know a robot who's more chaotic then you are. Inferno Optic, Netcop of the Bong, Captain of the Retinal Chamoix la S.O.S. Look her up I dare you.

“...”

Bonbon raises a hoof, asking permission to speak, "Discord is probably much more attractive. His jaw is positively chiseled." The crowd roars in laughter.

Elements of Harmony! No, not you ponies. I'm talking to the gems. Elements, are you one entity in six or six entities in synthesis?
Hmmmm.

Princess Celestia smiles. "I can assure you these manifestations of harmony are not one entity. That would be a contradiction to harmony. Harmony is many things coexisting together. Thus, the crystals represent such in my little ponies."

Oh yeah! Mac! Here's a drink that's TOTALLY NOT LACED WITH POISON JOAK! ....no, you're right, it would be a sucky prank. Um. Jump in the blue flowers maybe?

“Nnnope.”

Bea flashs a frown at you, and you get the feeling you would be a very unhappy being if you crossed her or her loved ones.

Apple Bloom, Merida. Merida, Apple Bloom. Don't ask how I got a Pixar character here, suffice it to say I'm still paying for it.

“Why howdy. Y’all a human, just like Alex? But a girl?”

“...”

Sweetie bot! Belle. What are your thoughts on, oh, cybernetics?

String answer = “What are cybernetics? Are you implying I’m a soulless machine, unable to show bloodlust on the battlefield?”;

System.out.println(answer);

Granny Smith! I know this might be a bit of a personal question to be asking, and maybe out of context, but I do so want to hear of the patriarch of the Apple clan, hmm?

The old mare gets a sad smile and a faraway look. “Grandpa Smith was a proud stallion. Handsome, strong, hard working, the perfect farmer. I do miss him, but I know we will be together again, under the apple tree on the hill, and we’ll have ourselves a dance, like on our wedding day.”

Cupcake! Carrot Cake! Pumpkin Cake! Pound Cake! How do YOU FOUR feel about the strange biped wandering Ponyville?

The plump and pink haired mother looks up from her foals, “Oh my, yes. The babies love seeing Alex almost as much as they love Pinkie Pie. He seems so happy when he sees them, but so sad too. As a parent, I understand how he feels about missing his, heuoo... human, that’s it, human foals.”

“That’s right Cupcake. I remember a few times that poor guy come in some mornings for coffee and he spends so much time with the kids, the coffee he bought was cold by the time he left. Gave him a free refill, of course. I think he really just came to play with the kids for a few minutes, but I always appreciate the business.”

Also, to miss Beatrix AKA The Grrreat and Powerrful Trrrrrrixie AKA Sethisto's fave, are you aware that there are a number of ponies in Ponyville that have taken to dying their fur blue? It's true, the internet has photographic evidence! You have stalkers who want to be you! You are truly the epitome of success.

Beatrix lets her inner Trixie burst forth, “Well of course there are many who admire and idolize Trixie. It is natural for ordinary ponies to dream of one day joining the amazing heights only Trixie has achieved.” Bea laughs, leaning into Big Mac. Her friends join her in laughing at her Trixie persona.

Flim and Flam, I hate to say this, but Lotus and Aloe found the transcripts of the last Q&A. They came to talk to me first though. And I will not tell you what they said to me. Nor will I tell you that they are behind you at this very moment.

The twins look ahead, carefully not looking behind them.

The sensual voice of Aloe confuses the twin unicorns. “Monsieur Flim et Flam. We were quite flattered by your comments. Please, let us show you how much we appreciate them.”

The two brothers look at each other and smirk. They turn back, only to find themselves bucked, quite hard, by the two small earth ponies.

Lotus continues in that same sensual voice, “That, salaud, is how much we appreciate your unkind words.”

Cheerilee! Um. Wait, were you even in this fic... actually, who cares. YOU ARE NOW RAINBOW DASH'S BRIDLEMAID or whatever. Yes I know that technically that's her choice and not mine, but seriously I think you should be given that you teach the Scoots and the Scoots is obviously going to be... what's the pony equivalent of ringbearer?

“Oh my, Rainbow and are friends, but I’m sure she has closer friends she wants as her bridlemaid. But if she did choose me, I would very pleased.”

“And that reminds me, Scootaloo. You may want to bring one of your parents in to the next Family Appreciation day. I think the whole class would be interested in hearing from your mom or dad.”

Beside an excited and happy Scootaloo, a sad Applebloom leans against her sister for emotional support.

Speaking of the Scoots, the Weaver is wanting to know if the Scoots has perhaps considered taking up extreme rollerblading. A pegasus compatriot of the Weaver gave it up when she got married, but she did tell me it was an awesome thrill ride.

Scootaloo buzzes excitedly, “That sounds cool! I would never trade my trusty scooter, but I sure want to give that a try!”

While Dash looks on to her daughter with a proud smirk, Alex has the look of terror any human father would have upon hearing their nine year old daughter was taking up an extreme sport.

Let's see, checklist, checklist, checklist... Wait, Gilda. Hmm. Gilda... are... you doing okay? Cause after that thing with the security guards I'm seriously worried.

“Hey, I’m glad you asked me a question, now I can talk to Dash. I know we won’t remember any of this, and it won’t affect those stupid stories, but I’m hoping, maybe, a part of you does.” Gilda proceeds to ignore you and turns her full attention to Dash. She looks pensive, “Hey Rainbow. I’m glad I had a chance to do this, as hard as it is. I’ve... I’ve really missed you. You’re smart ass comments, your cool tricks,” Gilda closes her eyes and loses herself in memory for a moment, “how you smell after a workout...” She shakes her head, “Look, all I’m saying is that I’ve had a lot of time to think and I know what I did wrong. If things between you and the monkey-”

Dash’s voice was pure ice, “His name is Alex. We’re getting married, we’re adopting a filly called Scootaloo, and we will always, always be together. Get that through your thick feathery skull. It’s over between us. It was fun, I would never trade the good times we had, and I would still love to have you as a friend, but I just can’t imagine us being special friends.”

Alex places a hand on Dash’s neck and smiles kindly at Gilda, “Gilda, you are always welcome in our home, no matter what. I know Dash is special to-”

Gilda snarls, “Shut it. I don’t want to hear some shaved monkey blabbing on.” She turns a hard, predators gaze at Dash, “Okay Rainbow. If that’s the way you want it, fine. I know your pet may be fun now, but when he can’t join you in the sky, and give you some nip and scratch in the clouds like you loved, you’ll be back.” Her expression softened, becoming almost sad, “And I’ll be waiting for you Rainbow. Any place, any time.”

DIAMOND TIARA! YOU.... wait, no, wrong Diamond again. I have got to stop reading so many fics!

“But... but... daddy! You said I would have a question to answer. I mean, that loser blank-flank Scootaloo did.”

Mr Rich sighs, “Diamond Tiara, you know what I’ve told you about being a bully.”

Diamond Tiara clicks her tongue and rolls her eyes, “Yes, daddy.”

Thor

I will try to explain jumping, worlds and other stuff based on my own weird theory.
First let me explain how worlds work. Imagine a bucket full of tennis balls. Now imagine a endless space filled with three-dimensional balls. Each of them contains a world(or reality's how Alex calls them). A ball can also contain multiple dimensions if the creator imagines them. Any living thing that has imagination can create a world.
If the worlds touch massive changes can appear, like the collapse of time and space itself. To prevent them from touching the Void exists. It is like an oil. The Void is being generated by the thoughts of living beings.
Jumping. It is a genetical trait that is being inherited from ancestors. To have it an Angel has to be one of your ancestors.
Angels are a race that are living in the Void. They have built fortresses in the open Void. Thanks to their unique genetics they are able to consume pure energy itself, thus they don't need food, although they can consume usual food too. They can travel through worlds because of the talent to rezonate at the right frequency. Each world has its own frequency. Angels are born when a world is destroyed, and if the human has the right potentional.

It happens because if an Angel accidentally travels to his world, he would instantly age to his actual age. Angels are immortal because their cells are being held together by the Void energy.

Jumpers can resonate too. Alex has a unique mutation so he jumps randomly. A normal human would've died in Equestria much sooner because they wouldn't be able to store energy at all. Angels can use any type of magic they have encountered because they instantly absorb it(thus Alex can use magic too if he would have acces to a energy source). Oh, and Angels can mate with any type of species although tests would show that they can't. Their children would have the form of the species, but the abilities of an Angel (So, yes Alex can have children with RD ). And Alex passed out when he arrived in Equestria because the frequency was very different from the last worlds.

And Alex, do you have a relative that gone missing while his wife / girlfriend was pregnant? Does the stuff sound logical?

Alex blinks at you, “Have you been listening to Coast to Coast AM? No? Oh. Well, to answer all your questions, no, on all counts.”

Jlargent

Actually I have a question for our esteemed author: Are you planning on having your protagonist talk to Ann again? I mean after she talked to Fluttershy she kinda fell into obscurity.

The author looks up from his keyboard, “You bet! Ann is a very important character that makes up a large part of Alex’s character. She will be back soon. I”

That-guy

@Twilight
If you want you to check out human magic that is not a terrible song... http://www.mytelekinesis.com/ All sorts of things Alex could try in there, such as aerokinesis and atmokinesis to help Dash with weather patrol...

She quickly jotted something down on a scroll, “Human magic theories are always funny. But, there’s the occasional gem in the dross. What did Alex tell me once? A broken clock is right twice a day? Heh.”

Spiritus Arcane

@Pinkie and Whooves
So...you two...together, huh? You sure the universe is ready? Cause I swear I can hear a lot of whimpering in the grand 'ol background noise.

Pinkie jumps out from the fourth wall and hugs Time Turner. He smiles lovingly at her.

@Twilight
A lot of fantasy and magitek worlds are known to have spells/devices capable of generating anti-magic fields. Does your Equestria have anything like this? Because it would seem to be a simple solution to Alex's health issue.

“Anti-magic fields are considered the most savage of military weapons, outlawed almost a thousand years ago, not long after Luna’s banishment. When a creature who uses magic is exposed to this field They push out any and all magic, including any magic needed to survive. They also cause the Star Swirl glands to burst, leading to a slow, painful death.”

Alex, with a grave expression, “Sounds like a nuclear weapon. A Neutron bomb to be specific.” He closes his eyes in sadness, “God, I never expected to see that kind of thing here.”

“It’s the magic equivalent to chemical or a short life biological weapon. Something only a hut’uun would use.” Matt spits out the unknown word.

Dash rubs Alex’s back, “Don’t worry about it, big guy. Nobody is crazy enough to cast one or build a device like that. Not even Discord would be that nuts.”

@Alex
So obviously you've hit a Marvel universe at least once. How bout DC? Or Star Wars? Bet a lightsaber would have come in handy a lot during some jumps... Still, your knife is awesome.

“Marvel was cool, and I miss the friends I made there. As for DC? You mean Superman, Batman, the Flash, and so on? Nope. Never been there. Same with Star Wars. The worlds I visited tended to be more fantasy than science fiction.” Alex turns to the armoured human in the room, “Matt? You end up in any of those places?”

“The last reality was the most... famous universe I’ve been in. Star Wars, around the end of the clone wars and like I said, I don’t really like talking about it. I kind of made friends with a Jedi, she died not too long before I jumped, she would have been eighteen in two months.”

Alex pats Matt on the shoulder, “I understand what that’s like, Matt. I really do. You know I’m here for you, if you need me.” Matt gives him a short nod and a half smile.

Alex straightens, “As far as a light saber goes? I would probably cut my own head off. I tried a magic sword once, the blade’s mass was reduced to something like three grams. Really hard to control, no point of reference. I guess if you trained with it, you would get used to it. Me?” Alex pats his knife, “I prefer my little friend here. Fast, has a good weight, versatile, and much more control. You can keep your swords.”

“Lightsabers are a brutal weapon. If you cut someone’s head off, the wound instantly cauterizes. You actually live long enough to see your headless body go limp and hit the ground. Hell, rumour is that you would stay alive for up to two or three minutes. I don’t like the balance on them either. All and all I’ll keep my tonfa, not the best weapon for quick kills but I can still immobilize, disable or incapacitate anyone.”

@Mac
Not trying to be insensitive here, big guy, but now that Dash is off the market, as it were, have you had any other prospects in mind? Heck, frankly surprised you don't have to keep the mares away with a stick. They say the strong silent type is one they really go for.

Big Mac smiles and looks down at the mare who is currently nuzzling him. The blue coated and silver maned looks up and answers your question, “Eeyup. He certainly has.”

One other one @Twi
I apologize on behalf of nerds everywhere for the existence of Rule 34, and extend offers of apology hugs. Still, don't let that turn you off to the net completely. Have you discovered Minecraft yet?

“Oh, that ‘rule 34’ stuff was very... shocking when I first encountered it, but now, while I still find it disgusting, I no longer find it disturbing. I understand that sexuality is different for everyone, and while I may not share the attraction, I can understand it.”

“While Alex and I were discussing various human games he did show me Minecraft. While I could use the controls with some concentration, it was never as easy for me as it was for Alex. Playing the game was a task, not a leisure activity. I’ve really enjoyed the concept of the role playing game and Alex has been kind enough to run a few games for us, mostly set in the Daring Doo universe. He used a system called FATE of Children, said it was a fairly simple game as such games go.”

chipmunkfanantic

I have a question for Rainbow and Alex when are you two going to get married and adopt scoots? she would make a really lovely daughter

Alex smirks, “I wondered, while I was falling out of that hotel room, if she would dump me like a bad penny.” Alex laughs, “It would have been the perfect time to do it. But, this was just a tiny part of my mind.” Dash flashes Alex an annoyed look and taps his belly with her hoof. “Anyway, we’re getting married in about four months, and once the burial of the popping cat is done, we’re going to see Miss Sweetheart to start the adoption process.”

The little orange filly looks up from playing with her friends with a huge grin. “Seriously? Really? Cool!” She charges to Alex and Dash, jumping and gliding between them. Alex and Dash tell Scootaloo how proud they are of her for gliding. The three just hold each other, happy to be a family.

Guest, cloaked in darkness and mystery, asks...

Applejack: What would you do if I told you that the author (points at one of the guys hiding in the back with laptops) put your diary up for all to read?

AJ turns slowly to the author, “You did what now?”

Big Mac: Do you still have Smarty Pants? ( Don't worry, I won't tell.)

Bea looks up at Mac encouragingly. The mighty stallion gulps, and then answers firmly, “Eeyup.”

Dash: If Gilda came up to you and Alex, what would you do?

Alex gives Dash a little smile and a nod, “I would be nice to her, as long as she was nice to Alex.”

Fluttershy: you are adorable! Do you have your eye on a special friend? If not, would you be interested in me?
p.s.,Don't be shy.

“Oh... well... I’m sorry, but I do have a special somepony in mind. I’ve been trying to get his attention, but I just can’t catch his eye.”

This is my question: if a cutie mark is private, then why are kids like the cutie mark crusaders so excited to get one? Do they know what it means?

Twilight answers, “It’s just a natural part of growing up, a sign they are closer to adulthood.

WingsofRetribution

To Alex: When you jumped realities have you been in the Dawn of War Warhammer 40,000K reality? If so what are your thoughts?

“Ugh, no. I mean, I’m still alive and I’m not covered in bulky impractical prosthetics, am I?”

To Princess Celestia: Do you have your own paladins of redemption or something along those lines?

“Yes, they are the Elements of Harmony.”

To Princess Luna: How many paladins of redemption do you expect to see join?

“Unlike the elements of Harmony, there is no set number of Paladins. Any creature who has been redeemed and can share that redemption with others can become a Paladin.”

“Alex had his hope restored by being a part of this world. Beatrix has regained her dignity through hope. I am evaluating a few possible candidates.”

To The CMC: Sweetie belle you're the best, Applebloom you are so cute, and Scootaloo your awesome. Anyway what have you three been up to during these events?

Applebloom quickly gathers her friends where they have a little huddle. Every now and then a little gray unicorn pops up to look at you worriedly. Finally, Applebloom turns to you shyly, "When Alex, Rainbow Dash, and Twila’ were in Canterlot, we met up every day, like we always do. Every day we did the stuff we usually do, like crusade for our cutie marks, but this week was extra special ‘cuz we met a new friend.” The Crusaders part and present their friend. With obvious pride Applebloom presents her new friend, “Her name is Sapphire, and she’s our friend.”

The little gray unicorn with the vibrant sapphire blue eyes has a wordless conversation with Applebloom, then the red bowed filly spoke for her friend, “We help her talk, on account she can’t speak. Once you get to know her, you sort of understand what she means, but for new folks, like y’all, we help her out. She says she’s pleased as punch to meet you and hope y’all are enjoying this Q&A thing so far.”

Gladiator159

I love the story ya write. I've always been a sucker for romance. Anyhow, some questions for the cast.

To Princess Celestia,
If you yourself are a god, are you aware of gods in other realities and
if so, what kind of deities ( example: God singular, Greek gods etc.)

She smiles kindly at you and you feel Her love, even from the distance, “I am not a goddess. That would imply infinite power, infinite perfection, and infinite purity. I know I am weak, I am flawed, and I am not pure. I am a humble Princess, and my burden is to care for all my little ponies, all those who who live in Equestria.”

“I know of other Princes and Princesses on other spheres, in other worlds. I’ve spoken to some, some from worlds parallel to your own. Some are known to their ponies, some are not, but all care and love their ponies, as I love mine.”

To Twilight Sparkle,
How does one become an alicorn? Is it by birth, ritual, or just in terms of raw magic power?

“It is simply by need. When the world needs an alicorn, one is born. It’s all part of the magical flow of energy.”

To Applejack,
How many different recipes of apple goods can ya make?

Applejack taps her hoof on her chin for a moment then gives you an easy smile, “Technically, there’s over three hundred million recipes, but they’re mostly just variations on a basic core of about a hundred and fifty. I know all of the core ones, and could likely get most of the rest with a little imagination.”

To Pinkie Pie,
I bequeath unto you a coffee mixed with the purest and sweetest
sugar known to both pony and mankind.

She looks at the cup and the rich, brown coffee, then look up at you, “Thanks!” She proceeds to put a few ice cubes in it, waits a moment, then downs it in one gulp.

To Alex,
Since movie suggestions are being made, how about Disney movies?
Almost everyone enjoys those.

“I would love to see a Marvel movie of some kind. Maybe the Avengers? Naw, I can’t see that being popular.”

Talisman64

Okay, so I've only got a couple of questions at the moment, but I'll probably have more later. I know, shocking for a questions and answers session.

Alex: That knife of yours, can it morph into any form of handheld metal object, like a pistol (I can't imagine you using one; just as an example) or is it like the evil terminator from Terminator 2, and it can only turn into single piece objects, like a hammer?

“Solid objects only, but it can change shape and mass really fast. The closest to mechanical would be the throwing knife. When I throw it, I just need to put it in the general direction of the target, it forms a bracelet and the blade will trail a thin thread and well as sprout gossamer thin wings, like hummingbird wings. It takes itself straight to the target. An extra feature I’ve only ever used on mechanical things or the undead, is the iron urchin. Basically, the blade will burrow into the target and when it’s deep enough, it will shape change to a steel sea urchin a meter in diameter. Something like this.” Alex shows an image on the screen of his laptop.

“So, basically that, but steel and of course the spines are razor sharp. I can’t see ever using it on a living being.”

Rainbow Dash: Now, I'm surprised no one has asked you this yet, but would the awesome, incredible Rainbow Dash be willing to sign her autograph for a fan, here?

Dash flashes you her confident smirk, “I’ll do you one better Talisman64. Hey squirt, are there any hats and posters left from your fan club?”

The little orange filly grins happily, “Let me check, mom.” She gallops out of the room, then returns a few minutes later with a rainbow wig and rolled up poster.

Dash once again gives you that confident smirk, unrolls the poster and writes on black marker, “To my very special friend Talisman64 from your hero Rainbow Dash”.

Twilight’s horn glows and your prized items snap-crack in front of you.

Dash snuggles up with Alex, “Sorry sweetie, but I have to be good to my devoted fans.”

Stillmatic

Yeah, I got a question. Is our reality jumper more like Ghostface Killa, Raekwon, or Method Man? For science's sake, of course.

Alex looks at you, total incomprehension on his face. “Who, what, and how now?”

Next question: how exactly do ponies react to gangster rap and the culture of it? It's a necessary question, for science's sake of course.

Alex again has that same look of confusion. “Well, I don’t know. Miss Scratch, would you be so kind as to give this a listen. I think this is what they mean.”

"Hang a sec, Al." Vinyl reads on his laptop a descriptor of gangsta rap. "Well, I can't say ponies would dig the lyrics ‘cause they're totally for the culture, know what I’m saying? And I definitely wouldn't include these on my records since, well, most wouldn't get it. Our music is about having good times. So...yeah, wouldn’t work.”

“Okay. Does anybody else have an opinion on this?”

“I have an opinion, never play it again. I’ll listen to almost anything, but if you try and make me listen to that again I will set off a stun grenade... The grenade would probably sound better too.” Matt’s voice leaving no doubt in the sincerity of the statement.

Pinkie, with ears covered in pain, “Make it stop! Oh please, won’t somepony make it stop!” Alex turns the thudding music off. “But, as a party planner, I have to know a little bit about the different kinds of music. Hmmm. Sounds like bad apple barn core, Canterlot style, with just a hint of Ponyville back alley. Oh, and Alex?”

“Yes Pinkie?”

“Please please please please please please never play that again.”

“Done.”

Kris Denger

Alex, is it true you have a secret stash of assorted fruit? Answer honestly. How many lies have you made since you came into Equestria?

Your superior human senses notice Alex discreetly pushing a box of bananas under his chair.

If you and that female Alex were to meet, what would your reaction be? Rainbow Dash, same question.

Alex thinks for a moment, “I guess I would greet her as the sister I never had. Likely compare notes on our experiences. Shake the hoof of her Rainbow Dash, whatever he’s called.”

Dash answers without a second thought, “If it’s me as a stallion, then he would be really cool, and I guess Alex as a mare would be cool too.” Her expression turns sultry, “All I know is that it would be a wild night."

At that comment, Alex’s face turns red, much to Dash’s amusement.

mew3

First lets get the fan bravado out of the way. I love your and KMCA stories, it’s so rare to find stories written by two different writers to mesh so well.

I never commented on either of your stories because I like to give more than "Awesome Story" but I couldn't find anything to add/change/or anything.

Second, I have only a few small questions and one big one.

To Rainbow Dash. Stay super-ultra-awesome-extreme-amazing pony girl. I know its not a question but I just had to say you still rock.

“See Alex, another adoring fan. You’re just gonna have to get used to it big guy.”

Alex leans back with an easy smile, “Sweetheart, I don’t blame them for a second.”

To Twilight Sparkle. You still have Alex's tablet computer right? Try looking up Ring of Instant Armor. It might be a good idea if Alex is going to keep doing the whole save-others-at-the-cost-of-my-own-life thing.

“I’ve looked at that, but the torus shape of a ring is very difficult to use in magical engineering.”

Have you ever considered asking Zacora to help in the whole magic hurts humans thing, If there a weed that gives magical powers to non magic users, couldn't the reverse be true?

Twilight sits up straight, a surprised look on her face, with a little smile, “That’s a great idea! Why didn’t I think of that?” She immediately lifts seven scrolls and quills, and starts making notes furiously.

Also i hope you like this joke.
a + b = t
(a + b)(a - b) = t(a - b)
a^2 - b^2 = ta - tb
a^2 - ta = b^2 - tb
a^2 - ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 - tb + (t^2)/4
(a - t/2)^2 = (b - t/2)^2
a - t/2 = b - t/2
a = b

Twilight looks at the formula, snorts in a very Pinkie way, then starts laughing so hard there are tears in her eyes and she is holding her stomach. She finally sighs, “A equals B. That’s so funny. You should do standup comedy. Alex, find out if we can get him to do comedy, this guy is good.”

Alex stared in confusion at the formula. Matt looks like he’s trying to puzzle it out but isn’t getting very far.

Twilight clicks her tongue, “Let me explain it to you...”

Alex interrupts, “No no, that’s quite alright.”

To Lyra (doesn’t matter which) Who do you think you are? Stop treating any human as your personal lab rat and do the Jane Allgood method. You would learn much more if you stop treating them like specimens and treat them like ponies.

“The best observations are ones made unawares, otherwise the subject may attempt to change their behaviour to impress you or make themselves look better. I realize that sometimes a more direct approach is required and I am in the process of attempting this with Matthew. Or rather I’m attempting a hybrid method.”

Oh to Chrysalis, Couldn't your swarm go into the whole nightclub scene? Hear me out, you eat love, nightclubs are dripping with it, you siphon off the love form the air wile providing entertainment and every pony goes home happy. (A little more drained then usual but that's nothing some extra willow bark tablets won’t fix.)

Chrysalis sneers at you from behind the bars of her cage and spits an answer full of hate at you, “Huh! Another whelp tries telling us how to be Changelings! You think we do not document our sources of sustenance, nor hone our methods for extracting it? We don't need your help, nor your advice in survival! However, when we reach your world, you have been added to the top of the list of morsels.”

Matt sneers at Chrysalis, “She’s just annoyed that she never thought of it. Cheer up Alice, it’s not like they suggested you run a... What are they called, feelie parlors?”

Now finally on to the major Poky Dotted Pachyderm in the room. I don’t what explanations or spoilers. Just a Yes or a No if Alex and or Matt is prepared for the what is coming. The one thing that has been burning in my brain ever since I read magic hurts humans. What is going to happen in late summer when the timberwolves start a howlin and there is going to be more magic thrown around in ponyville for five days than Radiation in Chernobyl, plus all the magical byproduct that Scootaloo loves so much?

Alex, with a worried expression, “The humans are boned... Twilight? Options?”

Twilight sighs, “Oh Alex, you worry too much. As long as you and Matt maintain your normal precautions, and maybe have an extra pony close to you, you should be fine.”

Also quick question for Matt. If your nanobots can break down matter to repair your armor, why not get them to make a fiberglass like patches out of pure diamonds?

“Actually the problem is the time it would take to do that. The repair nano-tech works best with the finished materials. In the case of this armor the standard materials were replaced with a diamond and titanium alloy. While not as tough against physical attacks as the original it matches it in resistance to energy weapons. So in this case pure diamonds would be nice.”

Talisman

*for Alex* So, are you getting the Wonderbolts to perform at the wedding, or am I just reading too much into this?"

Alex, in a manner that is just a little too relaxed, “Dash, could you see if you can find Scoots?”

“Sure, but this doesn’t mean I’m your slave.”

Dash trundles off.

He smiles slowly and leans back in his chair, “Maybe...”

officialDJPon-3

Scootaloo

1) How did you feel when your Daddy, risked himself for you and Mommy?

Scoots looks up at your shyly, “It was weird, especially the way dad roared. He almost sounded like Gilda. But,” she looks up at you with a grin, “it’s cool too. Cuz, I know he loves me, and it’s not just some act. It’s just,” she sniffs but her smile grows, “cool to have a mom and dad that love me.”

2) What plans, surprises, do you have in stall for Alex and Rainbow Dash, Mommy and Daddy? I can’t make my mind up.....

“I have a few ideas, but I’m keeping them to myself for now. All I can say is Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Sapphire will be helping me out and I’m sure they’ll love it.”

Rainbow Dash

1) How did you feel when you needed to be by yourself away from Alex?

Dash doesn’t make eye contact with you, “It was pretty lousy. I felt myself being pushed away, emotionally, and I couldn’t understand why. I mean, he had just saved my life, the squirt’s life, and maybe some other ponies had he not stopped it the way he did. It... it still isn’t easy to talk about, but I know it was chaos magic. It doesn't make it feel any less like I was wrong.”

2) After the 'accident' weren't you two a bit confused other about each others feelings?

Alex looks away for a moment, then answers your question, a hint of anger in his voice, “Yeah, I wasn’t confused. I was as sure as I could be of anything. As far as I was concerned, Dash had wised up and was putting as much space between herself and dangerous animal. And I don’t mean the popping cat.” He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, “I almost....almost lost them both, you know. I don’t know if I... I would have been strong enough to...” he stiffens and breathes deeply.

“Hey big guy, you never have to face anything alone ever again. I’ll always be by your side. Always.”

Applejack

1) It sounded to me miss Applejack, that you sounded a bit 'jealous' when you walked in on the hug Bea was giving Alex, am I right?

She makes eye contact with you, and you find you can’t take your eyes from hers, “You do ask probing questions.” She pushes her hat forward, mercifully breaking eye contact. “I ain’t proud of my feelings that night. When I saw Bea, tail high, I had the most shameful thoughts. I was dishonest with myself and Bea. Like she said, she was just... excited at seeing him safe and sound. Twilight says it’s a known side effect of the chaos magic.”

Bea trots up to Applejack, “Sweetie, really I appreciate that, and your respect is important to me.” Bea gives Applejack a warm hug, tail held firmly down.

2) Also AppleBloom hasn't been heard of for a while, Is she okay?

“She’s fine. Her and her friends keep themselves busy and mostly out of trouble. The week Alex, Rainbow Dash and Twilight were away I had to bail them-”

Applebloom shoves her hoof into her sister’s mouth and glares at her.

Applejack smiled, softly put Applebloom’s hoof down, and continues, “But I promised the girls I wouldn’t talk about, and that’s the truth.”

3) Knowing you Miss Applejack, you were feeling mighty enraged at Dash for leaving Alex when he was hurt, what were your thoughts/feelings?

“I was mighty peeved. I had made peace with myself knowing in my heart Alex was family, not a husband, and there she goes, dropping him like yesterdays news. And then that cosarnet chaos magic went and

Bea(Trixie)

1) Do you feel like a burden, trouble, has been lifted off of you from getting help from Alex?

She sighs and leans into Mac, “A great weight has been removed from my shoulders, and it feels wonderful.” She looks sadly at the ground with humility, “No one has any idea how deep my depression was. I wasn’t even able to make a living with my stagecraft, the one constant in my life that brought me joy. But now? Now I can bring joy to others, and thanks to Alex and Princess Luna, I can also bring them dignity.”

2) How do you feel now that you have friends who will look out for you in your time of need?

“It feels like when I was a child, growing up in the circus. We all took care of each other. Oh, we might have the occasional spat, but we will always protect each other. When I was on the road, I was alone, and I only had me and Trixie to depend on.”

“So, how does it feel?” Bea looks around meekly, “It’s frightening, really, terrifying. Will I say the wrong thing and offend? Will they dislike me for who I was? I so... desperately want their approval. Every one of them. I know I shouldn’t worry, but I do. I have Applejack and her family to thank the most. They’ve made me feel the most welcome I have ever felt anywhere, and I’m very grateful to them for liking both Beatrix and Trixie.” Her body language changes a little, along with her voice, “And Trixie herself will go to any length to please and protect her new friends. We have spoken this for all to hear. Equestria in under our protection.”

Big Macintosh

1) Bit of a mess Alex left for you wasn't it, did it, have any effects on you at all?

“Eyyup. But he saved Miss Rainbow and Applebloom’s friend Scootaloo.” He gives a little chuckle, “He saved his family, and soon they’re going to be Apples, just like him. A little mess don’t matter none fer that.”

2) It looks like you have become a proper little brother toward Alex, can you say you trust him without a doubt?

”At first, I didn’t trust him because he wasn’t any kind of proper pony. But, he cared more about us, about our farm, than most ponies. Then, I got to know him, and I saw Applejack was right, he’s an Apple to the core. So, to answer your question, I trust him like family.”

Alex - Sorry I know the main guy come first, but I am sure you won't mind!

1) How did you feel around AppleJack and Bea when they came in the hospital, when you noticed there tails when they came in for a hug?

”You know, it’s funny. I really don’t notice that stuff unless I’m looking for it, so to speak. Just like if a pony was back on Earth, they wouldn’t catch a woman flirting with them, or catch that hug that lasts just a second too long. They might, if they were thinking about it and looking for it. Anyway, that was the furthest thing from my mind. I just figure it was a natural reaction to being relieved a friend is alright.

2) The whole sorrow thing Alex, I don’t mean this in disrespect but is this the only way to remember those who have 'fallen' from your presence?

Alex smiles sadly, “That ritual was only to remember things that are important. And now, that only thing that’s important is my family. Dash and Scoots, my human family, and my Apple family. They are the only thing I would consider important enough to remember in this way. Really, Fluttershy was the one to help me break the cycle.”

Alex gets up from his chair and walks toward Fluttershy. She doesn’t notice him as she was busy speaking with Matt. Matt looks up and gives Alex a weary smirk. Fluttershy stops speaking abruptly and seems to cower a little from the towering Alex. Alex smiles kindly at her, slowly dropping to one knee, and gently hugs her.

“Thank you so much Fluttershy, for you kindness, for your understanding, for... just being you.”

I’ll bring it back into a positive note.

3) I noticed the whole gang is here with their doubles, so I pulled some strings and got some snacks for you all, your favorite's too ENJOY!

Everyone is enjoying their snacks, but none more so than Alex. He speaks through a mouthful of burger, “Oh god thank you so much! But please, whatever you do, don’t tell Daisy Jo.” You look at Alex, slightly confused, “You know, the cow? I usually buy coffee with her in the mornings. Nice lady, but I think this might offend her.”

Matt

1) How do you think you are going to cope in this world, because from what Alex has been through this isn't a world where you can forget everything, there is always trouble in any universe?

“I’m sure there isn’t trouble in every reality. My third one was pretty comfy... Although it did get attacked and I ended up fighting alongside the security force. Ok, you know what. I’m sure every reality has some downside but from what I’ve seen so far this reality has been pretty nice. I just wish I could get meat easier without feeling really guilty about it, no radiation would be nice, maybe some decent level technology, not having been turned into a cartoon. Still, so far it’s in my top three, including home.”

2) The Armour looks very nice, except from a few patches, how do you think the Armour with help you in this universe?

“Well it’s already saved my life once. Even with armor high speed crashes are usually pretty damaging. The bodysuit not only acts as a muscle suit and armor but as an impact damper as well. Let’s not forget that both the bodysuit and armor plating manage to protect me from all that magic radiation. It’s not perfect but the bodysuit alone will keep me alive ten years longer. The plates... maybe an additional six, the gaps in the plating make it hard for the AI to predict.” Matt shrugs,
“Plus there’s the whole intended use. Between the muscle suit and the plates I could probably stand toe to hoof with almost anypony.” Lyra shakes her head and mouths ‘no’ behind his back.

Fluttershy

1) What do you think of this 'Chaos Magic' that can turn you into 'Flutter-Rage'?

“I don’t want to be rude, but... It’s not chaos magic that makes me angry. Sometimes when kicking and yelling doesn’t make me feel better and things still build up, I just... I just lose control of my temper. I don’t mean to and I feel really bad afterwards, but...” Fluttershy looks like she’s about to cry. Matt limps over and kneeling in front of her gently places a hand on the back of her neck to comfort her before turning a very displeased stare upon you.

2) I see you found a popping cat pup! What are your plans for the little one, where are you going to keep it safe and nurture it without it’s mother?

Alex takes a deep breath. "Well Fluttershy knows a lot about popping cats and beasts in general. So I think she is going to apprentice me in raising a wild animal. I can also access articles and ebooks on my laptop to help me learn if need be. But I am grateful Flutters will teach me what I need to know."

Fluttershy just shyly smiles.

Rarity

1) How were you feeling when Alex came to Ponyville and handed over the ‘Aluminium’ saying it was nothing to him in his world?

Rarity smiles. "Well darling I must say I was quite surprised seeing such a large quantity of the rarest known metal in the known world. But to know that he has and still is doing so much for others after profiting from it fills me with admiration."

Pinkie Pie

1) You seem to be a Pony that is everywhere all the time, how on Earth do you do it?!I

Pinkie whispers into your ear after somehow appearing next to you. "Well, I'd tell you but then I'd have to tickle you." She giggles and reappears back in her seat.

Everyone

1) How do you think you are all going to cope throughout the time you have with each other?

Matt strokes his short facial hair, “We’ll cope somehow.”

“I think it’s going to be a time of great progress.” The Lyra’s declare in unison.

Thank you for your time.

Alex and Matt, dressed in their best tuxedos, smiling broadly.

Alex says, "And that's it for this time, folks!"

Matt speaks next, "Please join us again in a few months for another exciting Memoirs, Jumper, and Special Guest Q&A Extravaganza!"

The both wave cheerfully, and to a cheerful fanfare say together, "Good night and see you all next time."

The spotlight goes out, Alex and Matt relax.

Dash rushes to Alex, "You did great you big lug!"

Scoots is not far behind, "You were awesome Dad!"

Fluttershy meekly flutters to Matt, "You were wonderful, Matthew." She gives him a little peck on the cheek and shyly looks away.

Bea steps closer, clipboard hovering and pages being flipped, "I hate to break this love fest up boys, but we have chapters to get made. Alex, you still have Chapter 37 to finish, nice plotting by the way. And you, Matt, you need to finish Chapter 11.” She amplifies the sound of her hoof stomp. “Now let’s get cracking ponies and humans. This is showbiz, no stalling. I see what you’re doing Matt, get going! And somebody turn that interdimensional portal off right n-”