Who Ate The Bananas?

by Eris H Discordia

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 2487

Celestia must find who ate her bananas.

Waking up to eat her favorite snack, Celestia finds there is none left. Enraged and raving in anger, Celestia seeks around the castle to find who could have possibly taken it.

Published 2015-01-18 17:20:04 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-11 15:44:33 UTC

Who Buckin' Did It?

Luna was enjoying her sleep, having a lucid dream about playing with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. She laughed while she slept, and rolled over, pulling the sheets over her more, but somepony else's magic stopped hers.

"Luna! Wake up this instant!" Celestia shouted, watching her sister bolt up and nearly fall out of the bed. "Straighten your posture, look me in my eyes, tell me!"

Luna was greatly confused as to what was going on, and looked at Celestia with confusion. Now despairing over the halting of what may have been the best dream ever, Luna sighed deeply, and rubbed her eyes. "Tia, what ever do you speak of? Is it not that you've waken up on the antagonizing position of your sleeping quarters?" Then Luna realized what she was saying, she giggled and turned away. "I'm...I'm terribly sorry... what I meant to say was--"

"Did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed?NO.Am I parched from an entire night of not eating?MAYBE.Did somepony take my bananas?HELL. BUCKIN'. YEAH," Celestia boomed, stomping her right hoof down. "And until I find who did it, you're my primary suspect, Luna."

Luna looked her straight in the eyes. She was nervous, and fairly dazed by what was happening right now. "You're mad... because somepony...Stole your bananas--"

"Stole my bananas, yes," Celestia answered, pulling Luna out of bed and bringing her to the kitchen. Celestia pointed to the red bowl adored with golden roses; this was where she usually kept her bananas. "Do you see this shit, Luna? Do you see this shit?"

With a frustrated sigh, Luna responded, "Yes Tia..."

"No, you have to verbally tell me that you see this shit. 'Yes' can mean anything. I want to know if you see *thisshit?!***"

"Yes, I see that shit."

"I don't give a buck about 'that' shit... I wanna know if you see 'this'--"

"I see this shit! Can we move on now?"

Celestia slapped Luna with a white stocking. "You were talking about of turn. That's strike one. Three strikes and you're out." Celestia got back on topic. "See, there were five bananas here at sunset. I took one with me when I went over to Cadence's place, then there were four. I ate one before I went to bed, so there should be three left right now. However, somepony came into the kitchen last night and stole the last three. This shit results in me being greatly pissed off, and once I find who did it, LUNA, they will be punished with the 'Bronze Banana'."

Luna rose her hoof, as to not provoke her sister again and get another strike. "Tia, what is the 'Bronze Banana'?"

Celestia paused for a while after hearing Luna's question. "Oh, you adorable idiot. The Bronze Banana is the ultimate playtoy.... It's what makes my Molestimagic strong. You however, have Hikikomori magic. All you ever do is stay at home, play with your chest and look at your flank at the same time!"

That did not really answer Luna's question, but she feared even if she wanted to ask another, doing so would result in a second strike. First of all, Molestimagic did not even exist, and second of all, neither did hikikomori magic. Luna was basically being called a "shut-in", and though she did most of her work (and game playing) on the inside, she still went out for certain things. She was at least trying to be more social. And lastly, Luna did not even know or want to make anything from that last remark which Celestia made. That was just wrong, mean, and uncalled for. Certainly unpleasant.

Celestia showed Luna the cabinets. "We have no bug problems. So surely it was not bugs... or parasprites..." Then to the closed doors she pointed. "And I know for certain that none of my Royal Guards were responsible for this. Though, I suppose since most of them are nameless Spartan ponies, it'd be much easier for them to do such a deed... but that's a fic we shall save for another time. Right, Flash?"

Flash Sentry walked in through the door, holding piping hot towels on his back as he had no armor on. "Y-Yes, Princess and Savior of Equestria, Princess Celestia!" he replied to Celestia. "Your works of written splendors are surely the best."

Celestia looked to Luna and nudged her shoulder. "Isn't he just precious? I taught him how to say that phrase... And he's my own equinal fleshlight. For bananas... at least."

Luna nearly threw up, but Celestia shoved a hoof down her mouth. "Break time! All this calls for a banana-party!" Celestia used magic to get from the pantry a bunch of dildos shaped like bananas. "Since you're my primary suspect, Luna, you're my guest of honor! Also, Flash will be their too... his banana will be the most important banana there."

"But Tia?! Aren't we supposed to be finding out who took your bananas?! We....we cannot do this right now! I don't even know how I'm supposed to respond from this!" Luna cried, as Celestia shoved one of the rigged, pink, bananas into Luna's anus, and another into her vagina.

"That's strike bucking two, Luna..." Celestia warned her, as Flash stood over Luna, who had fallen on her back. "One more, and you'll be sentenced to the Bronze Banana. May Concord have mercy on your soul."

Flash's long, thick, stallion schlong pat Luna's face, and Flash stuck it down into Luna's throat. He thrusted with great force, making Luna cough up a sticky saliva-like vomit that literally glued her mouth to Flash's horse dick. "L-l-l-l-l-LEVEL UP!" Flash cried, cumming in Luna's mouth already. His shotgun was only good for one shot, but Celestia used her magic to send a massive amount of horniness into his being. This turned him into a fucking machine.

Luna began to cry, and could not breathe. Flash took out his cock from her throat, and a mix of saliva, clear vomit, and cum blasted out of Luna's mouth as she tried to catch her breath from coughing so much. The solution stuck to Flash's cock, and it dripped down onto Luna's face and horn. Luna coughed violently, almost turning over, but Flash held her face still and stuck his penis into her mouth slowly.

"Go on, Luna! Take it all! You've already gone through phase one! Get ready for phase two!" Celestia shouted, using her magic to enhance the intensity of both the bananas' and Flash's dick.

Luna felt a hum of energy seeping through her body like electricity, and she began to go numb in her orifices. Her eyes had gone dumb, and her consciousness was slipping. She only wanted to know why. Who and why. Who took the bananas? Why did they do it? Why was she being punished for it?

She felt as Flash came in her mouth again and again. Blasting his semen down her throat and into her stomach, until her stomach was full to the brim of her esophagus. Her digestive track began to drain the cum through her intestines, but those were blocked off by the banana dildo in her anus. Thinking it was over, she heard Celestia tell Flash one more thing.

"Hey, Orange Boy, come to her pussy, and fill that up too."

Flash giddily accepted, and Luna tried to crawl away, but her cum filled digestive system begged to differ. She began puking up cum and tried to push on her stomach to get it all out, but it was no use. Her stomach was churning with an entire generation of colts and fillies. Just the mere thought that she was eating ponies made her sick, and she vomited again. "Please... Tia... just let me go... I... I don't care who did it... just please, don't let this drag on with me anymore!"

Celestia laughed maniacally, watching in zeal as Flash got into position and began to ram Luna's tight vagina. "That's strike THREE, my dear sister! And you've now earned yourself the BRONZE BANANAAAAAAA!!!"

Luna's eyes widened even more. She tried to push Flash away, but her gripped onto her body and began to fill up her pussy with cum, and the cum began to blast out all over Celestia. "No! Please Tia! I'll be good! I won't say anything anymore!" Luna screamed, still trying to crawl away, as Celestia tore Flash off and out of her sister and threw him out of the kitchen window. "Tia?! What the HELL are you doing?!!"

Celestia brought from a pocket dimension a six foot long, foot wide bronze banana. With a wicked smile on her face, she had used her magic to create on and off eclipses, to make a strobelight-like effect on the land. Luna could not see Celestia through this; the brightness, then the darkness, then the darker darkness. Celestia kicked Luna onto her back and began to shove the Bronze Banana into her anus, making the poor little donut hole so big that all of Flash's pent up stuck cum had shot out like a gun.

"Do you like bananas?" Celestia roared at Luna, using her magic to push her face down into the ground.

"Yes! Yes!" Luna cried helplessly.

"Yes, you WHAT??!"

"Yes! I like bananas!"

"So, you're a BITCH THAT LIKES BANANAS?!" Celestia pushed the banana in further.

"YES! YE-E-E-E-E-E-SSS! I AM A BITCH THAT LIKES--"

Celestia pushed the banana in more, stretching out Luna's ass to its limit and nearly breaking her spine. "Bananas! Right?!"

"Yeeeesss!" Luna clenched her eyes shut and clawed at the ground in despair.

"That's great! Cuz my banana is all up in yo' moon honey!" Celestia then jumped on Luna's back and got into a weird 69like position. She used magic to shrink the Bronze Banana down to stick it all the way inside, but the built up density made it heavier, and Luna dropped to the ground, stuck and feeling crushed as the Bronze Banana was in her intestinal track completely now. Celestia leaned over to stick her tongue into Luna's vagina as she used her back legs to wrap around Luna's head and pull her neck back as she did so. Rocking back and forth, Celestia flipped Luna on top of her, and Luna found herself sitting on her sister's face. She was sealed in this position motionless from the weight of the Bronze Banana, the shock, and the stinging sensation of Celestia's tongue inside of her cum-stricken pussy.

Celestia managed to get Luna on her knees, which wobbled from all the pressure, so she could shove her horn down Luna's cervix. Hearing Luna scream in pleasure prompted Celestia to stand up as Luna was pierced by her horn, and Celestia effortlessly held her sister up, despite her weight and the Bronze Banana's.

Meanwhile at Twilight's castle, Twilight was sitting in her throne, enjoying some banana pudding with wafers all throughout its being. She looked to the sky and smiled deviously. "Looks like a new dawn is approaching... too bad I gotta be the one to lead it though..."

Discord was behind Twilight, with strings of magic in her brain attached to his claws manipulating her. He laughed evilly, and he conjured up a rainstorm of chocolate and fresh hayburgers.

-the buckin' end-

The Next Chapter

It was already too late, Celestia set up the mirror and called for both Twilight and Spike to come over. Spike came alone, which greatly confused Celestia, who immediately asked him,

"Spike, why are you alone?"

Spike, huffing and puffing, trying to regain his breath, hands on his knees and wheezing. "Twilight told me to continue alone, and that she had something to go do... It sounded really important."

His dragon semen will do just fine one of these days, I suppose, Celestia thought with a devilish smile stretching across her muzzle. She narrowed her eyes and looked over Spike closely, giving him a nudge on the shoulder. "Rarity is in despair, and I wanted you and Twilight to visit her, y'know? To let her know that friendship is truly magic. Twilight was supposed to go, as she is the princess of friendship, but seeing as this is Rarity and nopony else... you'll do just fine alone. If Twilight comes, I won't let her pass. I'll occupy her with a different task... or, perhaps..."

Spike was already gone through the portal, and she noticed that the moment she nudged him, he was off as if given a signal to go.

She chuckled at his naivety and used her magic to teleport herself a table, some scones, and some tea. She also brought Luna, on whose flank was a note. Celestia, drinking her tea, noticed the note and used her magic to grab it during her long sip.

To my dearest mare in crime, Celestia...

What you have done is under your control, for I know about your Molestia side's recurring churns. It pains me to see you fully abke ti understand I am pulling the strings ans yet you remain perfectly calm. I need not to know why this is, because I already made a fairly accurate guess that you have deleted my control over you from your dear student Twilight. I won't let her come to you, for you'll only turn her against me as well.

To make this shorter and sweeter than the lengthy and bitter letter which I initially planned to write, I'll merely say this...

"THIS MEANS WAR."

With love and may Harmony be ever in your favor and chaos the thorn in your side...

-Discordius

P.S. You smell like tuna and cheese.

Celestia laughed and crumpled up the letter, throwing it away and swallowing her tea rather suggestively. She used her horn to open up her cellar, which was located right beside her study, in between two peculiar bookshelves. Cadance and Shining Armor walked on through.

"What shall we do for you, my queen?" they both said monotonously, bowing before her as she dressed them in black hoods and continued eating her scones. Much a tyrant she was to not care at all that she was talking with her mouth full.

"Equoid 1: Mi Amore Cadenza Model MK V, Equoid 58: Shining Armor Model MK X," Celestia addressed them fully in an assertive tone. She stepped in front of them and they rose, poised to take orders like the soldiers they were. Expendable. Dependent on tyranny and war. Heartless. Robotic. "Find and locate Twilight Sparkle. Give her orders to meet with Luna, Cadance, and I in this very room immediately. Tone to use: Desperate and demanding. Tell her before she enters Canterlot that Spike has been kidnapped, as she will most likely ask what I want and where is Spike at this time. 'Project: Breakfast' is only beginning."