Rude Awakenings

by Epicplatypus

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Comedy, Random
Length: 1143

The bed was still warm where he slept. From these hours I wish to forget.

Based off of the song "Rude Awakenings" by Dropkick Murphys. Flash Sentry finds himself in a pickle after a night of drunken mistakes.
This is the tale of his hangover.
(cover art by me)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-08 22:21:44 UTC

With the night still fresh on my breath. I awoke to the grim face of death.

"Oh God... why does this pillow have to be so damn soft." Flash Sentry thought to himself as one of his eyes finally peeled open. He regretted that decision immediately. His eye slammed back shut as the sunlight punished every decision he ever made in his entire life. ''fuck." He muttered under his breath as he tried to move one of his arms. Laying on his left side he was able to force his right arm up over his eyes. Slowly he creeped his eyelids back open.

That's when the headache hit. His temples felt like they were being stabbed by two incredibly sharp knives. The room immediately began spinning slowly. "ffffffffff" he managed to whimper before finally allowing his eyes to get semi adjusted to the light. He flopped over on his back and kept his right eye barely open so he could take stock of his situation. The room looked like one huge blur and his mind felt like a bowl of applesauce that had been forced in to a pressure cooker. He put both of his hands on the side of his head and then slid them up in to his bright blue hair as he tried to massage his headache away.

His vision was slowly returning and the spinning was slowing down. A cloud moved in front of the sun for a short time, allowing the young boy to open his eyes without risking what seemed like an eternity of brain pain. The blur of color and shapes finally formed together and he could make out the blue ceiling above him.

"Blue?" He thought.

His eyes shot open as every single memory from the last 12 hours finally flooded back in to his consciousness like a broken dam of coping mechanisms holding back a river of regret. "Oh God!" he exclaimed out loud as he tried to sit up. His vision started to go black and his head felt like he had just pulled 11 G's in a jet fighter. He winced as he rubbed and shook his head. The pain subsided and he opened his eyes again. The room was now spinning with a vengeance. He got out of the bed and ran across the room in to the bathroom. He placed his head over the toilet, but nothing came out. He stared in to the clear water for a second with his right hand on the seat and his other hand on his forehead. The spinning stopped and he sat back on his feet. He looked down and finally noticed his complete and utter lack of clothing save for the one sock sitting on his left foot. He looked at the toilet. "I don't normally leave the seat down." he thought. "None of this seems familiar...."

Flash got up and stumbled back to the bed with his eyes almost closed. He pulled up the sheets and rolled back in, hoping to get a few more minutes of rest before he finally decided to be alive for the day.

He looked down at his glorious morning wood poking against the light blue blanket. "AH!" he screamed as he noticed a shape under the covers next to him. He looked around the room.

"Oh no... Oh god no... Twilight doesn't live here... this isn't Sunset Shimmer's place." His mind raced as he slowly reached out to pull the blanket down. "Who did I sleep with?" His hand stopped as the shape under the covers moved slightly and took one deep breath.

Flash's eyes moved around the room. The first thing he noticed was the clothing laying on the floor. "Oh no."

His heart was racing. He recognized those clothes. She wore them every single day. He continued reaching for the blanket. Grabbing a handful, he slowly began pulling it down to reveal who he had woke up next to.

As the blanket finally came down past her head. Flash screamed. "VICE PRINCIPAL LUNA?!"

The blue skinned lady next to him shot awake suddenly. She sat straight upright and rubbed her eyes. Luna turned and looked at Flash before pulling the blanket back up to cover her bare chest.

"For Christ's sake who the hell are you!" She exclaimed as she jumped back and fell off the bed, taking the blanket with her. What followed could only be described as 'A fuck-up of biblical proportions'. The blanket shot across the room revealing Flash Sentry's half hard erection and single sock he was wearing on his left foot. A long rubber object smacked against the wall on the opposite side of the room and fell to the floor. The force of the blanket being pulled caused Flash to roll over and fall off the bed on top of his completely naked Vice Principal. A long, sticky and slightly damp latex object flew up in to the ceiling fan. The used condom his the spinning blades and was flung with great force on to the wall right above the two people laying on the floor. It stuck to the wall and slowly slid down.

Luna rubbed her head and looked up. Flash's head was laying between her rather generous bosom. His right hand had accidentally found it's way down between her legs and his left was placed gently on the Vice Principals right breast. "Oh God, my head." he moaned.

"FLASH SENTRY?" Luna yelled. Flash got up quickly, taking his hands off of his mentor and flying back, landing on his ass. "Y-yes ma'am!" he muttered. Luna stared at him for a second before looking down. Her faced turned bright red as she stared at Flash Sentry's hard-on. She shook her head and looked away. "OH MY GOD! GO put some clothes on! This is incredibly inappropriate!" Flash half smiled as he got up and located his pants, shirt, shoes... but where was that other damn sock. He looked around. Luna had found a shirt and some pajama pants to throw on. They looked at each other for a few seconds before Luna started giggling. Flash joined her and before long both of them were laughing hysterically.

Luna wiped a tear from her face and fought back her laughter. "S-so! Do you want some breakfast?" She asked, smiling at the student. "I mean. It's only courteous of me to give you something to eat before sending you on your way."

Flash cocked his head to the side and laughed. "But you already gave me something to eat." He wiggled his eyebrows to further indicate that he was attempting to make a sarcastic joke referring to him performing oral sexual activities on her and i'm going to stop typing now because i'm ruining this joke, not that it was a good joke in the first place.