who gets the mare?

by inkplot

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Comedy
Length: 2757

Two stallions, one chaotic creature, and one mare. Uh oh

Discord, Cheese sandwich, and pokey pierce all have a crush on Pinkie Pie. They always have. So what happens when they find out they're all competing for her attention? Lets just say full chaos breaks out.

*comment driven story make sure to vote for who wins!*

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-20 00:37:57 UTC

Is that a challenge?

Pinkie trotted down the street waving at every pony who passed her unaware of the shadow that lingered above her. She slowed to a walk as she felt her tail twitch.

"TWITCHY TAIL!" She exclaimed ducking under a tree.

"BOO!" Discord shouted jumping out of the tree and tackling her.

"GAH! Discord! You scared me!" She whined playfully getting up and brushing herself off.

Discord roared with laughter and clutched his stomach as he rolled around on the dirt. "Ha ha ha! You should have seen your face!"

She stuck her tongue out  and joined him in laughter, doubling over as her laughter grew in volume. Tears strolled down their face as they roared with laughter getting them odd looks from ponies who were passing by. Finally standing up they noticed someone had approached them.

"Oh hey Cheese!" She said rubbing the tears from her eyes.

"Hello Pinkie!" He exclaimed pulling her into a hug. "Long time no see!"

Discord rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Hello Cheese."

Cheese ignored him and pulled away from Pinkie Pie. "So I've been meaning to ask you about something."

"Ooooohh! Is it for a party? No not a party a chimicherrychanga? ooh ooh ooh! Is it a pet? Its a pet isnt it! You want a pet and your asking my opinion! OOH! Get a phoenix, no not a phoenix. A ROCK! Maud has a rock and hes just lovely! but-" Pinkie was cut off as Cheese pressed his hoof to her lips.

"Actually Pinkie its somewhat serious." He said rubbing the back of his head awkwardly.

She made a face that was between confusion and annoyance. "Ugh but I don't do serious!" She wined covering her ears.

"Well I-"

"Hello Pinkie." Pokey Pierce said interrupting their conversation.

"Oh hi Pokey!" Pinkie said turning to him.

"So I had a question to ask you." He said levitating something behind his back.

"I DO TOO!" Discord shouted telaporting next to Pokey Pierce.

Pinkie took a step back from them and glanced towards them. "I'm not very smart you should ask Twilight instead."

Cheese shook his head. "Its not a question Twilight could answer."

Discord and Pokey nodded in agreement before glaring at each other.

"Um okay? Ask away i guess."

"WANT TO GO ON A DATE?" They all exclaimed at the same time before dropping they're mouths open in shock.

Pinkies face turned a brighter pink as she noticed the flowers being held in Pokey Pierces magic. "I-I-I"

"I uhh... WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME I HAVE TO GO SORRY!" Pinkie stuttered before quickly running away.

They watched her leave, they're jaws agape before shaking they're heads and glaring at each other. "I WAS GOING TO ASK HER! NO I WAS!" They yelled at the same time shooting daggers at each other.

"Okay obviously were in a very deep pickle sandwich." Cheese said taking out a pickle sandwich and taking a bite out of it.

Unfazed Discord leaned over and snatched the sandwich from his hooves and ate it. "No dip Sherlock."

"So what are we going to do?" Pokey pierce asked ignoring the pickle sandwich.

"OOH! I know! Go away and never come back." Discord said coldly summoning up two suit cases and handing one to both stallions.

Cheese rolled his eyes and tossed the suit case behind him. "Not gonna happen chaos party monster."

"So what DO we do?" Pokey asked shoving the suit case aside.

"I don't know! I already cast in my suggestion and you didn't approve!" Discord mumbled glancing at the discarded suit cases.

"Maybe we could have a contest?" Pokey Pierce suggested ignoring Discords comment.

"A contest?" Discord asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yea! A contest! To see who gets Pinkie!" Pokey said clapping his hooves together.

"That's brilliant! But would would it be?" Cheese said tapping his chin.

Discord looked up in thought and glanced down at the others before a sinister grin formed its way on his face. " I might have a way..."

"What is it?" Cheese asked looking at him.

"Its quite simple actually. A kiss."

"A kiss?" Pokey Pierce asked a look of confusion on his face.

"A kiss. We all spend time with Pinkie and whoever gets a WILLING kiss from her gets the right to date her!" He said matter of factly.

Cheese sandwich gave a winning smile. "Well that will be easy!"

Pokey Pierce raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"Well i'm the most attractive makes sense id be able to get a kiss!" He boasted putting on a random bow tie.

"Dont think it too easy! Im just as attractive as YOU!" Discord said shooting him a glare.

"And I am too!" Pokey Pierce shouted standing tall.

"Then its settled! May the best stallion-"

"Im not a stallion." Discord said rolling  his eyes.

"Right." Cheese said rolling his eyes. "May the best stallion OR chaotic creature win!"

They nodded and slowly retreated away never taking they're eyes on each other.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Cheese'es POV

"Hppf these ponies think they can beat me! I know im going to win!" I  scoffed and went to find where I left my party cannon. I polished its blue surface and smirked at my reflection.

"No one beats Cheese Sandwich."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Discords POV

I flew through ponyville and into my house which was sitting in the middle of the everfree forest, away from the rest of the world. I sat down and made an army of choclate milk clouds.

"These ponies don't stand a chance."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Pokey's POV

I closed the door to my apartment and smiled. "I know those two are going to go all out but even simple gestures win the mares over."

I walked towards my cupboards and pulled out the necessary ingredients to bake a pie. "I do believe I stand a pretty good chance."

Does this taste cheesie to you?

Folding and refolding her wings as they walked.

"But the thing is one of them isn't even a stallion! I just don't understand why they would choose me over you or somepony like that." Pinkie said rubbing the back of her head.

"I for one think it's pretty obvious why." Twilight said looking at her.

"Whys that?"

Twilight stopped walking and gestured for Pinkie to stop. Pinkie stopped and cocked her head to the side. Twilight kept her gaze fixed on something and Pinkie looked to where she was looking. It was a pony couple nothing relatively special about them but they were sitting at a cafe laughing with each other, Twilight turned her head and pointed at another couple. It was two mares that she recognized as Octavia and Vinyl. Octavia was paying for a new cello while Vinyl shoved a cd into her saddle bags.

"What? I don't get it they're just couples." Pinkie said dumbly with a blank look on her face.

"Exactly to each they're own. I mean Octavia and Vinyl are nothing alike and yet they're happily dating. But the other couple seemed to have a lot in common and they seemed happy. That's why they chose you because they have something in common or they find you interesting." Twilight finished smiling at her.

"Every pony finds me "interesting" Twilight." Pinkie said making air quotes.

Twilight gave a laugh. "It's a different kind of interesting Pinkie."

______________________________

Cheese sandwich trudged through the ever free forest before coming upon a boulder that was covering a hole in the ground. He pulled out boneless #2 and wrapped it around the bolder. He pulled on boneless and with visible effort managed to move the boulder enough so he could slip through. He fell through the hole and landed on the ground with a audible thud.

"Well boneless #2 you did a good job of helping me with that pickle!" Cheese sandwich exclaimed and set boneless #2 on his back.

He quickly ran to the edge of the mirror pool and splashed the water smiling at his distorted image. He set boneless #2 down on the side making a mental note to not let any of the other cheeses take it. After all how was Pinkie or any pony believe it was him if he didn't have proof? Since there was only one copy of each boneless there was no way of getting another. Not even HE was capable of doing so.

"Now what was that rhyme again?" He questioned himself tapping his chin. "Oh right! Um something something something, at the prospect of being doubly there!"

He walked into the water and when he emerged a copy of him jumped out as well.

"Hello! I'm Cheese Sandwich!" The copy said flashing a smile. "Oh wait! Your me too!"

"Right you are! Or right I am? Not sure how this Mumbai jumbo works, we could ask the writer!" Cheese sandwich turned and tapped to what a normal pony would think an invisible force field. "Hey you! With the phone! You know the one that's writing these words right now. How does this even work?"

Cheese paused to listen but frowned when he heard nothing. "Awwww come on! You look like you just saw a ghost. It's just me, Cheese!" He shrugged and walked back to his copy. "That didn't work."

The copy nodded and glanced back at the pool. "We should throw a party here it's really pretty and we could make a bunch of us er me to help with the decorations!"

Cheese shook his head. "As much as I want too I need my help me."

The copy stared at him with a blank expression. "So I need to help myself with something?"

Cheese sandwich paused. "Wait one would say right you are name of pony here, but would I say right I am me?"

The copy shrugged. "Why not?"

"Well anyway me!

I need my help to win over a mare." Cheese said sighing happily.

"Oohhh a mare! Spill the beans me!" The copy said pulling out a heart shaped pillow.

"How about I show me instead?" Cheese asked pulling out a board with pictures on them.

"Oooh!" The copy squealed.

"And I'll tell you in song!" Cheese said whipping out his guitar.

"Ooh yippie!" The copy said clopping his hooves.

"Ahem." Cheese cleared his throat and began to strum his guitar.

"The fact is that I was so shy, nopony knew my name.

I stumbled into Ponyville one afternoon by chance and found the biggest ever celebration party dance

Everything was perfect, cheer was filling up the place and I saw that everypony had a smile upon their face

I vowed that day to change my life, the past I did set free for now Cheese Sandwich was a party pony full of glee

A super duper party pony -- that's what I became

I traveled all Equestria, and all did know my name

But that never would have happened on my own, I'll tell you why

For the one who threw that party, it was her, Pinkie Pie."

The copy clapped and whooped as cheese finished his song. "So she inspired me to do party's?"

"Yea that's how I started liking her." Cheese exclaimed putting his guitar back in his mane.

"So what do you need my help with?" The copy asked leaning in forwards.

"Well two other ponies- err well a pony and a chaotic God like her too." Cheese sandwhich explained handing people chutes of Discord and Pokey Pierce to his clone.

A mischievous smile spread across the clones face. "I know just what to do."

"I do?!?" Cheese asked leaning in excitedly.

"Ok here's what I'm going to do...."

Double Trouble

  Discord floated over one of the cotton candy clouds to the edge of the ever free forest and set it over a tree in the forest to keep it away from meddlesome ponies that wandered to the clearing at the edge.

  He brought the rest of them and but then above multiple trees that lines the edge.

  He smiled and said "Great! All done! All that's left is to go find Pinkie."

  He turned and fell forward as two things smacked into him from behind. Fearing it was monsters from the forest he quickly turned and was surprised from what he saw. Not very surprised because remember this is the lord of chaos.

  Two cheese sandwiches stared at him back. Yes two, the exact same pony but doubled. It had to be one of the last ponies Discord wanted to see.

  "Cheese." He said bitterly glancing between both of them.

  "Hello." They both said one with more hostility than the other.

  "I'm guessing THAT one is the clone." Discord said pointing towards the one that seemed more oblivious.

  "Right you are." Cheese said stepping forward. "This is my clone. Clone, Discord, Discord, clone."

  The clone waved and gave a smile. "Hello there!"

  "Hi." Discord said his eyes briefly flickering between the two before settling them on cheese.

  There was an awkward silence as Cheese and Discord stared at each other, running over their plan in their heads. Cheese broke the eye contact as he noticed the cotton candy clouds above the trees. He smirked as he eyed his clone.

Discord ignored his smirk and dismissed the clone. I could do that if I wanted too. He thought as a new plan formed its way in his head.

  "So how'd you make your clone?" Discord questioned.

  "The mirror pool didn't Pinkie tell you about it?" Cheese said smiling with glee at the thought of him knowing something about Pinkie that Discord didn't.

  Discord frowned at his smile but quickly gave a winning look. "Of course she did! I was thinking maybe Zecora helped you or something."

  Cheese's smile faltered but quickly returned as his clone gave him a reassuring smile. "Nah Zecora wouldn't help after the whole hundreds of Pinkie Pie incident."

  Discord made a mental note to ask Twilight about it later but turned back to cheese and gave him a mischievous smile. "So Cheese how are you going to make sure ponies know your the real Cheese?"

  "Why boneless of course!" He said gesturing to the rubber chicken on his back. "Only I have the second boneless! No pony else could possibly have one! Not even somepony as random as me!"

  "No pony eh?" Discord questioned raising an eyebrow.

  "No pony!" Cheese echoed not taking notice of Discords grin.

  "Well luckily for me I'm not a pony." Discord said taking Boneless with his magic.

  "Hey give him back!" Cheese yelled jumping in the air to grab boneless.

  Discord pulled boneless higher and gave a foalish laugh as Cheese fell on his plot. "Sure! I'll give both of you one!"

  He quickly made a copy of boneless two and gave one to his clone and dropped the other to Cheese.

  "Gah! What have you done?" Cheese screeched, panic in eyes.

  Discord blinked his eyes innocently and said "Why I just gave your clone a toy, was I not supposed to?"

  "No! That's the only way someone could tell us apart and you just...." A look of realization crossed his face which was quickly replaced with one of anger. "You did that on purpose!"

  "Well doy! I mean who tells anyone, especially the person they're betting against, the plan they have."

  To say Cheese was mad was an understatement. If you took the anger Pinkie had when Applejack broke a promise and doubled it it wouldn't be half of the anger Cheese had at this very moment. His face turned redder than hot sauce and steam literally fumed from his ears. His body trembled as he clenched his hoof.

  Discord took note of his anger and a moment of doubt entered his mind. Should I have done that?

Cheese stepped forward his anger not yet faded and scowled. "Ill get you back for this Discord!"

He stalked off with his clone, leaving Discord alone once again. Discord stood there shocked by the change in Cheeses personality. He shook his head and continued on with his plan certain that things would work in his favor.

He smiled and said out loud to himself. "Very well everypony has to play or the game is over and I win!"

He threw his head back triumphantly and continued on with arranging the cotton candy clouds before deciding they were perfect. He sat back to admire his work before deciding it was time.

"When Pinkie Pie sees this there will be no doubt who she'll kiss first."