twilight meets the internet

by thatguy45

Rating: mature
Tags: Anthro, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Adventure, Human
Length: 1834

twilight sparkle, princess of friendship, is about to take the hardest test of her life: dealing with the living representations of the many facets of the internet

hater, fanfic, gore, troll, moderator, amazon, google, gamerZ, creep, and snuff. they are but a few of the many living representation of the internet, albeit some of the most powerful. a few mishaps with portals, and they're in ponyville.

fun!

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this has been running around in my head for a while, and i had to get it out. live with it.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-12 00:10:22 UTC

keyboard Kat goes boom!

Twilight had not expected it. A human (well, maybe not) with the word HATER across his face falling through her roof was something unanticipated. Actually, the word was where his eyes should be. It was like some one just branded him. She shuddered and instinctively grabbed at her cutie mark. Anyway, the human was pretty obviously unconscious. She pulled him out of the smoking wreckage that was her kitchen.

==============

"wha? Da fuq? Where am I? he slowly opened his eyes... well, he didn't really have eyes, but tomato tomahto, right? Well anyway, he woke up and sat up. He casually noticed a burning pain in his abdomen, something must have ruptured, but he had had worse injuries. He looked around. It didn't look like the web. The web was green. And holographic. This looked more like a hospital. But that wasn't possible. A health care website then? No, there weren’t any dead poor people, so that was out. He rubbed his chin nonchalantly, and then shrugged.

"Oh my goodness, your awake!" he turned and blanched. There stood a purple unicorn... with wings. She brought a hoof up to her strangely lifelike face and ran back out the door. He cocked his head and smirked. Then he started laughing.

"O juzuz Christ! Li...Little colorful... little colorful horses! MI god! My sides!" he actually managed to fall off the side of the bed.

"What happened?!"

"Little horses! Pastel colored horses!"

"Yes... that's what we are."

He instantly stopped laughing and looked up. Now there were more. Five more to be exact. Pink, blue, yellow, orange, white, and purple. He instantly started laughing again.

"A... a living gay pride parade! Ahahahahaha!" the blue one growled and rushed up to him, despite the fact that most of her friends urged her not too.

"Hey! Screw you!" he stopped laughing abruptly again and flicked her on the nose.

Note: when you’re floating, you have no traction; thus, even the smallest amount of offensive force can send you reeling. that's what happened to rainbow dash. once she righted herself, she was even angrier.

"grah!" she tried to right her self, but failed miserably. "when i fix this, imma gonna kill you, you bastard!" she said to the ceiling.

"yeah right. now if you don't mind, i'm going to continue laughing." a smile returned to his face, and he fell on his back laughing again. this time however, something pink had joined him on the floor.

"hahahahahahahaha! that's funny. i don't really know why, but laughter is so infectious!" he pushed her out of the way. the mood effectively killed, he got back up, brushed off his pants and- wait. he wasn't wearing pants. he looked down. he was naked as a jaybird.

"augh! why?!" he quickly pulled a bunch of pixels out of nowhere and put them over his junk. "where are my pants!?"

"um, how did you do that?"

"i'm special. now, pants?"

"oh right!" she levitated a pair of raggedy jeans over to him from. the white one made a sound akin to a dying beaver.

"oh my Celestia! what is that?!" she pointed at the pair of pants he was currently putting on.

"their my-"

"i cannot let such a travesty to fashion go unanswered. i'll make you some new pants." he looked at her, then at the pants.

"yeahhhhhh, no. i would just probably ruin them. i get in a lot of fights. besides, these are sentimental." she grumbled and he ignored her.

"so. thanks for... whatever. now get outta my way. i have stuff to do." he tried to push past them, but the yellow one refused to move.

"you can't leave! you have a ruptured colon! it's amazing that you can move at all!" ah, so that was the 'crippling' injury.

"i've had worse. now get out of my way, before i get angry."

==========

meanwhile...

the guards bringing the prisoner his food were shocked to say the least. the once bare cell had been refurbished lavishly, with a queen sized bed and a large black thing showing sports. a mini fridge was nearby, and the prisoner was sitting in a massively plush lay-z-boy. he popped the top of a soda and waved.

"good-day, gents. fancy a spot?"

"h-how? why?"

"well, i thought that the room could use a bit more than just a bed and a bucket. by the way, how do you like my golden throne?" he nodded over to where the bucket used to be, which had been replaced with a fully functioning golden toilet, plated with gems.

one of the guards put a hoof to her forehead and muttered something akin to, 'ten deep breaths'.

"headaches? i can get you some pills for that."

"NO! how are you getting this stuff, anyways!? this room is magically sealed!"

"i'm a god. now, if you have nothing else to do, goodbye."

she smirked. "well actually, i have something to tell you. princess Celestia herself, wishes to see you."

"wonderful. fantastic. let's go." he got up out of the chair and moved over to the guards. "well?" the guard grumbled, and slapped a pair of cuffs on his hooves... or something.

a rather somber trek through the dungeons later (actually, the prisoner tried to strike up a conversation several times, but kept getting poked in the butt by a spear.) and the two ponies and one human had reached a set of massive double golden doors.

"i wonder how much those cost?"

"shut up! for the thousandth time! today! just. shut. UP!" he raised an eyebrow and shrugged. she bit her lip and opened the doors. a long corridor, leading up to two thrones, in which two ponies sat.

"i'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that you're the princesses?"

"yes. i'm princess Celestia and this is my sister, Luna. we have some questions for you."

"of course you do. now to read your mind. first, my name is Amazon, i'm an aspect of the internet, and no, i'm not the only one. i think that's the basics. anything else?"

"yes. what do you mean, you're not the only one?"

"well, the aspects of the internet are just that. the internet is a massive information engine. every single website there has a physical representation, living in a parallel universe. of course, that's not the whole story. many beings are mere concepts."

"concepts?"

"yes. the internet has rules. strict rules. when really funny or stupid things happen, someone puts it on a website. other people see it, then the repeat it, satirize it, parody it, all sorts of stuff. i'm not the best to be asked this, i'm a website. but when a lot of websites start to do something, fandoms appear. and thus, the concepts. they're some of the most powerful beings on the internet. especially HATER."

"who is... 'HATER'?"

"an evil bastard is what he is. and an incredibly powerful one too. people say that he has no power, you have to let him get to you for that to happen, but they're wrong. he, either directly or indirectly, controls every single website where people share things. a dislike here, a bad review here, all of those things have HATER's stench. and that's not even the half of it. a while ago, he not only started gathering power, he started recruiting websites and concepts to his side. F-book, tumblr, Yelp, and more. nothings happened yet, but he's slowly becoming worse and worse."

"he seems really bad."

"and his political power is nothing compared to his true strength. every time someone posts a hateful comment, or hits the dislike button, or evens says something like, 'boo, you suck!' at a concert, he gains a little bit of strength. and every single being who tried to kill him, or at least render him defenseless, has disappeared."

"hmmm. and what does this have to do with you being here?"

"well, not all lot of things escape him. and many beings heard of a portal. that's weird. there's a lot of stuff going on, and one of the rules was to never leave the realm. it's not really written down, but it's important. like, capital punishment-if-you-fail-to-comply important. but, HATER and his 4 most trusted attendants couldn't escape the urge. so, they went through, apparently. we couldn't find him anywhere else. so the search engines-"

"search engines?"

"kind of like high priests. consulting them can give you pretty much any website. well, the search engines decided that it was too risky to leave hater be. so they gathered six of the most powerful websites and concepts out there to go through the portal and kill him."

"kill? doesn't that seem... a bit harsh?"

"not in the slightest. over there, you can't kill a website without proof. but if they leave, they're fair game. so they sent me, one of the search engines, google, the leader of the police force, moderator, and three concepts, broni, gamerZ, and meme, plus one website, you tube, after HATER, creep, snuff, and troll."

"describe them."

"broni is the info expert. he may not look it, but he can shape shift, bring a smile to anyones face, and packs a mean right hook. moderator is the leader of the police force. years of experience, a stick that can disintegrate, the ban-cannon, and eyes everywhere. google is the king. no seriously. he is... the king. he can summon pictures and videos. that instantly turn in to real things. he can summon heroes from the depths of the space, enter negative space with a snap of his fingers, and learn any combat style instantly, and that's a fraction of his real power. gamerZ is weird. really weird. any game, of any kind, he knows it. and can pull things from it. like a rail gun. or a spear-gun. meme is even worse. he can alter the fabric of time to change things, whether monumental or tiny. you tube serves google. music is his special talent. also funny cat videos. i'm sure there's other stuff, but that's all that people care about.

"alternatively, creep is exactly that. he sulks around with a knife, killing whatever he likes and whenever he likes. snuff is... an enigma. there's no legitimate proof that he exists. the only proof is coincidental. we can't really understand why meme decided to work for him. they're polar opposites. troll is fun loving, albeit aggravating. hater, from the reports, tends to be serious, and Imposing."

"i can see the danger these four pose, but what can he do here? we are a harmonious species."

"that's half of why we're here. we have absolutely no idea. and it's not like we've already haven't run into problems. i'm sure that he did to.

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broni, ever the optimist, decided not to fret that he had woken up alone in a dark spooky forest. he held his breath, and transformed into a pegasus. it took five minutes...