Sonata's Poem

by Hoshii Niisan

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Slice of Life, Sonata Dusk, Human, Sad, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 4474

Sonata is secretly lonely. She has no friends, and she only joined the Dazzlings because she wanted power. But now, she's had enough.

Sonata Dusk has had enough. She joined the Dazzlings for power, and sought after the weak and lonely. But now it's her turn to be lonely and weak as she recalls scenes from her past she thought she forgot. But these thoughts were a part of her. But the best way to exert these feelings is with a poem. (This is unrelated to Pony Tatakai- Adagio Death.)

Marked Teen for scenes of gore and a word frequented by potty-mouths.

Published 2015-01-14 03:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-12 23:34:24 UTC

Verse One

Sonata Dusk sat down at her desk that night. She remembered the events of that day- on her way off the stage, the audience shouted horrible things at her, Aria Blaze, and Adagio Dazzle. Afterward, Adagio had smacked her.

"You... why would you do that?" She yelled, enraged by their loss to the Rainbooms.

"What did I do?" Sonata replied, trying to keep her fake smile intact. As useless as it was, she was somehow able to accomplish it.

"Nothing," replied Aria. "But you do make a good punching bag."

The smile disappeared, and a frown almost materialized out of thin air. She was on the verge of crying, but the other two could care less. They continued to throw taunts at her.

"You're useless!"

"You're pathetic!"

"Ugh! Get out of my sight!"

"You were the weak link!"

"Everything the audience said about you is true!"

There was one comment that came from Adagio that hurt. It hurt almost like a stab would to the heart.

"Go kill yourself!"

Sonata no longer had the urge to cry. She was crying already. She ran home. She sped carelessly through the crowded streets and piled through the apartment buildings, oblivious to the people she was bumping into. "Watch it, kid!" The people uttered as she bursted through. She didn't care. She shoved through the crowds to her apartment room where she lived alone, and upon her arrival kicked the door open, slamming it and locking it behind her.

She first crawled to her room and sobbed. She huddled in a corner, whimpering, fearful of the many thoughts in her head. She had been told she should kill herself... was Adagio right? Was she just a useless punching bag with no other uses? Should she end it all? After all, the Sirens were her only friends. Well, not anymore, since she said... she shuddered, tears flowing down her red cheeks. She sniffled once more, and crawled to her desk. She grabbed one of her special notebooks and a pencil.

She had been taught by her mother that she should express her feelings with paper.

***

"If you're feeling depressed, write your feelings in a poem," she urged, embracing her in a warm hug. "Show me the paper when you're done, and we can work out your depression. Okay?" She pecked her head, hugging once more. Sonata left to her room to write her first poem ever.

That was the last day she saw her mother.

That night, she had to go to the bathroom. She knocked on the door, there was light coming through the bottom of the door. "Mommy?" She asked. "Are you in there?" No reply came from her. Sonata curiously peered under the door. "Are you okay, mommy?" Still no reply.

Her curiosity got the best of her as she opened the door, only a crack at first. But the wonder of discover was too much. She whisked the door open. She screamed. And screamed. And cried for the first time. Her mommy lay stiffly motionless on the floor, surrounded by little white and red dots. They looked sort of like the pills she took for her stomach. "Mommy, wake up!" She tapped her face, desperate for a sound, a sudden breath, a cough. But she exerted no sound. "Mommy!" She screamed as she ran to them telephone. She dialed the three numbers mommy had taught her to dial when there was an emergency: 9-1-1

***

Sonata shed painful tears as she remembered the event. She scribbled the first word.

Today

No that won't do it, she thought. I need to make a real poem.

***

The police arrived at the door. She identified them by the flashing red and blue lights. "Show me the body," one policewoman ordered calmly. Sonata grabbed her hand, pulling her towards the bathroom where her mother lay with the pills surrounding her. The medics carried her on a gurney, checking for any pulse. They shook their heads sadly, looking at Sonata after they did so. She screamed, starting to hyperventilate. "Miss," said the policewoman, embracing her just as her mother would. The policewoman continued. "Does your daddy live elsewhere?"

"Y-yes," she stuttered, embracing her back. "In the apartment in town."

"I'm going to take you there," she replied. She took her in the police car, directing her as she went.

Her father screamed and hugged Sonata as he listened to the news, sobbing silently as she squeezed the young girl in his arms.

The next day, her father made a promise. "I will always be here for you."

He killed himself the same way her mother killed herself a month later.

***

Sonata struggled to even think of a single word to write. Today, I, Adagio, even I feel didn't work for her. She looked around the room, which usually gave her some inspiration. But everything looked so cheerful around her. But that gave her an idea.

Everything around here seems happy, like me on the outside,
But inside,
No one understand me.
I try to explain my feelings to mere stuffed animals,
But inside,
Not even they understand me.
I met Adagio when we were reborn in this human world,
Seventh grade.
She took me under her wing. She taught me how to be
Mean,
Aggressive,
Unkind,
Just... Mean.

***

She stopped there that night, trudging to her bed, pulling the covers over her head that night.

***

The next day she was met by snickers of mockery. "You screwed that up last night, Sonata!" A girl bellowed, chuckling as she watched her lower her head. It continued like this until she got to homeroom, where less people made fun of her. It descended from a hundred to about twenty.

Adagio and Aria walked in late as usual, chatting about plans to punch anyone who made fun of them. Sonata buried her face in her books, but nonetheless she was spotted by Aria.

"Look," she squeaked dismissively, "it's Miss Screw-Up the Punching Bag!" They knew it annoyed her when they poked her, and they did just that. They knew her Autism made her sensitive to sudden loud noises, and they dropped piles of books on the floor at random times. Miss Cheerilee, the teacher of the class, had no control over the students, they were too much of a handful. Tears made the cover of Sonata's paperback workbook soggy in places, but she didn't care.

***

After her daddy passed away, Sonata was alone, and was assigned to an apartment that was next door to Canterlot High School. It functioned sort of like a college dorm. She looked at the different decorations and rooms. It was a small apartment, but just right for one person. In fact, Sonata liked it, but couldn't get her mind off of her parents' deaths.

***

After constant teasing, Sonata had had enough. She let out her rage by grabbing Aria's wrist, and twisting, making sickly cracking sounds. Aria shrieked in pain, but Sonata didn't stop. She could swear she heard mommy crying in her mind, telling her to stop. She dismissively waved her worrying voice away, and returned to Aria. But Adagio lunged at her, but regretted it as Sonata took her scissors out and stabbed her in the stomach. She howled, praying for mercy.

Sonata didn't stop.

Aria cried out for forgiveness, trying to retract her arm from her grip.

Sonata didn't stop.

But Cheerliee had had enough. She grabbed Sonata by the arms in an effort to restrain her. To the students' surprise, she had the strength of a sumo wrestler, and as a result made Sonata's arms sore.

***

Sonata looked around her new apartment, bothered by the memories it brought back. Merely looking at the tub in the bathroom made her cry, her mommy would laugh as she got splashed by a baby Sonata. She realized how false it all was - she had no parents as a Siren in Equestria, and she seemed to be enjoying the thought of parents so much it drove her to great depression when they died.

No matter. It was time to get to unpacking.

***

Principal Celestia ordered someone outside her door at all times - she was not to come out of her apartment, and her missed assignments were brought back to her room. Sonata sighed with pain as she scribbled the next part of her poem.

I vaguely remember Adagio when we were in first grade,
When she called a smaller kid
Fat,
Lazy,
Useless.
I figured she must be a
Cool,
Understanding,
Loving,
Almost sisterly
Person.
I was correct. She was so nice to me, so long as I was
Just...mean.
When I was nice, she would
Slap,
Kick,
Punch,
Throw me. It continued until only a few months ago.
I remember that perhaps Aria was the same way, and we banded together as the Sirens we once were.
Seventh grade.
Now...

***

Sonata couldn't find it in herself to write another word, she was exhausted by all the fear in her mind. She went to the kitchen to grab one of her knives. She grabbed the one she usually used for carrots.

"Remember," her mother had warned when Sonata was desperate to help cook dinner. "Dice the carrots like this. Otherwise, you may cut yourself."

Verse Two

Sonata sighed, listening to her mother's warning tearfully. She turned to her wrist, now moist with tears. Sonata felt she had no other choice. She sighed once more, and sliced her wrist. She whimpered, but not loudly, she didn't want to disturb the people outside.

***

Soon after she visited her new apartment, Sonata learned how to drive. It was a bit shaky at first, but as she advanced, she started smiling to herself, recalling memories of her sitting in her mommy's lap and idling the car along the driveway. She was gone, but the memories were still there. She bumped a few cones here and there, but she hit less and less as she became a better driver.

***

Sonata's whimpering should have been a sign for her to stop cutting, even if it was just one cut thus far. "Stop," a voice cried in her head. "Please!" Sonata didn't listen to the voice as she sliced again. It hurt a lot more this time, she had cut into her skin. Blood started to ooze out, and she cut yet again, in a vein this time. She managed to cut right through the vein, making her lightheaded. Sonata cut once more, her tears blending with her blood. She didn't care. She kept slicing and slicing, hating herself for every second. This is what Adagio wanted, she thought. Still lightheaded, she stumbled over to her desk, and scribbled her next verse, however sloppily

Adagio wanted me dead,
Now I am.
Sonata wants me dead too.

She started crying loudly. She couldn't control herself anymore, and was oblivious to the people outside knocking on her door, asking if she was all right. She continued to write.

Now, my arm is the carrot I wanted to cut
As a child.
Now, my arm sheds my false happiness I had
As a child.
I won't be a punching bag anymore. No one will hurt me again.
Now, I am dead.
Nobody can get to me now.

Sonata fell to the ground, staining the rug with blood. Her last vision was of the guards bursting in, asking if she was all right once more.

***

Sonata woke with a start in the hospital. Her mouth was dry, and her cuts had formed scars already. The pain was unbearable, even with the dose of morphine she had been administered. She rose her head up to see an empty room. She had hoped her parents dying was just a dream, and they would give her a big hug when she awoke, never letting go until they helped her get through it. The only person in the room now was a short bespectacled woman with glasses, looking at her clipboard as she said, "Sonata Dusk." She looked up, smiling. "How are we today?" Sonata cowered, afraid to talk. However, the nurse put a warm hand on hers. "I know what happed to you," she said in an understanding voice. "I'll help you through this of it's the last thing I do." She smiled once more.

"Th-thanks," Sonata uttered sheepishly, smiling back.

The nurse ran her finger across her scars, which seemed to have stitches in them. They stung a bit at first, but then they lost feeling. The nurse gave a nod of approval, obviously content with how the procedure went. "Your vein cut caused you to bleed internally a bit, so we had to fix it. Otherwise, it looks like the surgery went well." She continued with a sentence that scared Sonata. "I've also scheduled a meeting for you with a psychiatrist to discuss your cuts. It looks like you'll be at the hospital for a bit." The nurse could see tears form in Sonata's eyes as she turned away. "I promise I'll be here for you... always."

Sonata sobbed, almost involuntarily screaming, "DADDY SAID THAT ALL THE TIME, AND HE KILLED HIMSELF."

"I... I'm sorry," the nurse replied, embracing Sonata. "You can call me Viki," she said, letting go of Sonata. "Get some more rest, your appointment is in a few hours."

***

Sonata stared, exasperated, at the tall, blonde woman with purple streaks in her hair. This is a doctor? she thought.

"So," she started to break the silence. "how are you today?"

"Okay I guess," Sonata said meekly. She looked at her left forearm, but it only caused emotional pain to look at. Tears fell on top of the cuts, making it sting.

"Sweetie..." said the doctor, putting a warm hand on her shoulder. "It's OK. I'm here to help." She gave her a sternly hearty look. "But we can only do this if you tell me what's going on. Can you do that?"

"I can... try," she stuttered, raising her head up a tad.

"So," she asked. "what happened?"

"It started when we lost our magical power." The doctor gave her a knowing look, aware she was a former Siren. "Adagio told me to... kill myself." She made the useless effort of holding back tears. The tears gathered on the tile below her. "But the next day, I got into a fight with her and Aria, and... and then I got suspended to my dorm... and then I cut myself with the knife and..." She trailed off, and cried some more. "Both my parents were dead by the time I was thirteen..." She squeaked as she cried harder. Suddenly, she burst out, "WHY CAN'T I JUST DIE?!?!"

The doctor threw a melancholy look at her. Without thinking, she leaned in to give Sonata a hug, rubbing her back. "It's.. it's OK," she said, her own tears ruining her eye-shadow, but she didn't care. "We will help you get through this."

***

Sonata was to stay in the hospital for at least two weeks so they could make sure she was improving. They gave her an antidepressant and anxiety pills that she was to take in the morning and at night.

***

"Don't worry," said her mother warmly, "you'll make friends one day, and I promise you they'll be the best friends ever!" She pecked her head as she sent her off to bed. "Sleep tight," she uttered warmly as she went to sneak some of Sonata's stomach pills.

***

Sonata sat down in the hospital's cafeteria. She was surrounded by no one, but it was the only available table. A boy with red hair and yellow skin came up to her.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly, "everywhere else is full." Sonata didn't give a reply, but the boy was understanding. "Tough day, huh?" he asked.

"You could say that," Sonata replied, tearfully showing her cuts to him.

He didn't reply either, but showed his cuts to her. There was one less than hers.

Awkwardly, and at the same time, they both sympathetically said, "It's okay."

Verse Three, Part One

The red haired boy introduced himself. "My name's Himi, Himi Riffs."

"My name's Sonata Dusk, or Sonata." The two smiled awkwardly, but this was interrupted by the slamming of a tray on the table, causing Sonata to jump out of her seat, screaming.

"Move," he ordered harshly, however softly.

Sonata looked at the boy. "O-o-ok," she said cautiously, moving her chair over.

"And you chose Himi here to be your boyfriend?" The boy asked mockingly.

"Boyfriend?" asked Himi. "We're just friends is all, stop being such a bully!"

"Oh, if THIS is bullying, you won't like what goes beyond that," he said darkly, clenching his fist.

"I don't wanna start a fight," Himi uttered, backing away.

"OK," replied the boy. "Well I do. So, ya wanna go?" He slammed his other fist on the table, and aimed one at Himi.

Himi stood up, urging Sonata to another table. "Let's go to another table, it won't matter if their full, we need to get away from Silver Tiara."

"Silver Tiara? Sounds a lot like..."

"Diamond Tiara?" He nodded. "He is her brother, sent here for anger issues, as you can tell."

Just as the pair sat at a table with barely any room, Silver Tiara grabbed Sonata by the hood, almost strangling her. Himi had just taken a bite of his sandwich, and almost choked when he heard her cry for help. "Hi-Himi..." She uttered weakly, trying to free herself of Silver Tiara's deadly clutch.

Himi didn't want to start a fight, but it didn't help that the other teenagers in the room chanted for one.

"Sonata," Himi said, uneasy about what he needed to do. "I'm so sorry about this."

***

Silver Tiara had recovered from his nose surgery after a day, and Himi was kept in his own room. If I hadn't saved Sonata... he thought to himself, smiling a little. Viki walked into the room.

"Himi? Are you ready to come out?"

"I'm ready," he said truthfully, letting go of his anger towards Silver Tiara.

Viki led Himi outside to the courtyard where some of the same people from the event two weeks ago were. Snickers and chuckles snuck through the groups of kids as Himi entered, but Sonata greeted Himi with a hug, which took him by surprise.

"I can't thank you enough for helping me," she said happily, "I don't know if I would have even lived-" Sonata zoned out for about a second to think about the word LIFE.

***

"Mommy?" Sonata asked as her mother almost choked on Sonata's stomach pills. "Silly mommy, those are my pills. They might make you sick."

"No darling," she replied, holding back tears as she swallowed another pill. "They help my stomach as well. " She ruffled the young girls hair as she turned her around towards the clock. "It's pretty late. You should go to bed."

"Okay, mommy," she said, leaning in for a hug. "Good night, I love you!"

"I love you too."

Thought not audible to Sonata, sounds of vomiting could be heard from the bathroom that night.

***

Sonata pulled away from Himi in tears, dashing to a corner to cry. The tears from her trail evaporated in the hot sun. Himi ran over to the girl and put a hand on her shoulder in an effort to comfort her.

"I-It's okay," Himi said, however awkwardly, flashing an even more awkward smile. Sonata still cried, but not as much after the heard Himi's voice.

"I'm sorry," Sonata sobbed, and apologized several more times.

"Don't worry," Himi said gingerly, laying a warm hand on her shoulder as he knealt down beside her. "Don't worry."

***

Sonata trudged back to her room in the hospital.

Only one more week and five more days to go, she thought as she fell asleep.

***

Sonata awoke with a start the next day, rubbing her eyes and yawning. What she didn't realize was breakfast was almost over, and a frantic Viki urged her over to the cafeteria.

"Hurry," she said, "you don't want to be late for breakfast!"

"Right," Sonata said with only ten minutes left to eat. She sat next to Himi, who patted the chair, signaling her to come. But once she sat down, an infuriated Silver Tiara banged his tray down as usual on the next table over.

"MOVE!" he bellowed at the helpless kids, none of which moved; they were petrified with fear.

"Don't make me move you, because you won't like that." Still no one moved, but a few at the table started to weep.

The room turned silent with quiet gasps here and there when he grabbed a girl by the legs and threw her against the wall, blood spurting against the tiles. The girl was out cold, with the exception of a few whimpers. Kids ran over to her, but were stopped when Silver Tiara screamed, "GET ANY CLOSER TO THAT GIRL AND YOU'LL TAKE A FLIGHT AS WELL!"

It baffled and also made Sonata worried that no one had tried to stop him other than the adults in the room, who soon after pinned him down and dragged him to his room in the hospital. Everyone resumed eating, but in almost silent whispers. "Did he just..?" "Why would he..." "That nutjob!" A few went over to help the girl who had been injured as well as many nurses and medics.

***

Sonata lay awake one night, reading her favorite book. She always read under the covers with the flashlight at night, but tonight was different. The usual idle chatter between her parents suddenly evolved into some sort of argument.

"Look, Herb, there's no way we can care for Sonata properly if we don't have the money for it. We have to sell this house and get an apartment."

The father, clearly annoyed, eyed her with suspicion. "That's the fourth time you've proposed that this month, and I said no the other three. So this one is..."

"Yes!" The mother shouted defiantly.

"No." Sonata heard a slap, followed by a small squeal.

"Don't wake Sonata!" She whispered tearfullly.

"You know I love Sonata, but do you?" He dashed to the kitchen and grabbed a knife, unaware Sonata was already awake. "If you really love her, scream." He points the knife at her chest, and inserted the blade slightly. A bloodcurdling scream erupted through the room, the house, the street, the neighborhood. Sonata had had enough, and had charged into the living room. She stared in borrow, motionless.

"Oh hi, Sonata," he said to the twelve year old girl. She may have been young, but she understood a lot.

"No." Sonata clenched her fists. "Shut up."

"Oh?"

"SHUT UP."

"Having a temper tantrum like a baby? Awww," he mocked, making crying motions and pretending to cry.

"DAMMIT I SAID SHUT UP!" Sonata reached over and kicked him in the crotch, hard.

Her dad looked up and laughed. He kept laughing and laughing and laughing.

Her mother weakly lifted her head.

"I want a divorce."

Verse Three, Part Two

The father looked at Sonata, then at her mother.

"Fine," he said boastingly. "You want a divorce?" He pointed the blade at his chest. He barely heard her scream as he thruster the blade into his heart, exerting a sickly crack of ribs as he did so. He pulled the blade out, covered in blood and fragments of bone. Sonata's mother was speechless with horror. All she could think was of what to say to Sonata:

"Please don't mention this. To anyone. Please."

***

Sonata was glad Silver Tiara was kept away in a secluded part of the hospital. Only one week and two days left.

Himi entered the entertainment room with Sonata to see what was on TV. The doctors had it set to a specific channel, and today's show was Caturday Night Live, a show with the in cutest cats on Earth. Himi and Sonata both loved cats, and they sat close to each other as they watched the show.

***

"Try this," said a girl who walked up to Sonata at breakfast the next day. She gave her an apple danish, something she hadn't tried before. The taste was exquisite, with the layers of apple and cinnamon colliding as one extremely amazing sweet taste, and with the doughy base, she couldn't help but grab a hundred more when she went back to the line for seconds.

Despite Sonata's social anxiety, she had to ask. "So... what's your name?"

"Scootaloo," said the girl, brushing her dark purple hair with her finger. She blushed as she sheepishly admitted why she was here. "I... kinda used a potato peeler to cut myself."

Sonata, almost speechless, replied, "I just cut myself with a knife." The two smiled at each other as Scootaloo extended her hand. Sonata didn't know what to do besides shake it, and that's what they did.

One week and a day left.

***

Sonata's mother searched frantically on her computer, clicking and typing quickly.

"What are you doin'" asked Sonata casually.

"I'm trying to get my money from my bank account money before he does," she said between clicks and sounds of typing. She didn't dare to say 'Your Father' or 'Herb' anymore. She was absolutely done. Any mention would leave her bursting into tears. Sonata couldn't stand to see her mother unhappy, so she didn't dare mention him.

"Okay. I'll just be in my room" Sonata said, walking toward the door.

"Okay, be sure to come out for dinner." She called back, smiling slightly. Sonata walked into her room, softly closing the door behind her. She walked to the desk, clearing off random papers and grabbing a pencil, sliding a paper toward her. She thought for a while, before transmitting her thoughts down onto paper.

Feelings are a general thing,
Sometimes I feel like I could sing,
Other times I feel very sad,
Which makes my father equally mad.

I can still feel the drying blood,
The echoing screams 'round the neighborhood,
Love is lost and hope is gone,
Yet I never get a "how ya doing hun?"

She stopped, laying her head down onto the desk. She heard the slow gentle pats and pits of tears sliding down her face onto the paper, staining it. The pencil dropped from her hand and rolled onto the floor. She cried herself asleep, unable to continue. Later her mom entered, wondering why Sonata had not answered her call. Tears escaped her as she read the poem. Picking Sonata up and laying her down on the bed, she stroked her hair and kissed her forehead, turning out the lights as she left.