COPS Equestria

by Dubya

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Random
Length: 2881

WACTHA GONNA DO, WHACTA GONNA DO WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU!

cops is filmed on location with the real mares and stallions of law enforcement, all suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. ﻿

(Rated teen for language)
(This is supposed to be funny, please don't be offended any way by it)
(I may add new chapters if i feal like it.)
(proofreaded and edited by banana prince.)

Published 2015-01-09 22:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-22 19:47:37 UTC

COPS equestria

"Well hello there, my name is Sheriff Brown, and I am in charge of the Equestria Police Department. As you can see, I'm currently standing outside of our headquarters in Canterlot. With me, currently, are some of the most efficient police officers  that the force has to offe-" officer brown stopped in mid-sentence when he noticed that only five of the six officers were present. "Where’s Blazer?" Officer Brown said, noticing that the yellow and red unicorn was missing.

"We don't know." said one of the officers "We haven't seen him in a whi-"

"HERE I AM!!"

All the officers turned to the voice, which they all recognized as Blazer. The stallion soon approached the group.

"Sorry I'm late. I had to take care of some police business." Blaze said with a smile.

"What did you do, Blazer?" Sheriff Brown said, curious to why he was late.

"Oh, well, I saw this one green unicorn, but then I saw she was using green magic, so right there and then, I knew she was changeling!"

"Oh Celestia…” Officer Brown groaned, rubbing his brow. “Please tell me you didn-"

"Yep! I pulled out my cuffs and I arrested her." Blazer said with a proud smile. All the officers were absolutely shocked.

"DAMMIT BLAZER!!" yelled Sheriff Brown.

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COPS Equestria

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"So Ms. Roseluck, you called saying there’s an intruder in your flower patch, is that correct?"  asked the green and grey mare known as Officer Peppermint (who was a Pegasus) along with her white-coated and blacked-maned stallion partner Paddy (who was unicorn).

"Yes. He’s been coming by each and every week! He's in my flower patch right know!" Roseluck said with fear in her eyes.

"Don’t worry ma’am. If you could just take us to your flower patch right now, we may be able to catch the culprit and everything will be okay." Paddy said to the scared mare.

"Sure, I can do that. Please just be careful." said Roseluck.

The mare guided Officers Peppermint and Paddy to her flower patch around her house.

"Don't worry, miss. There's nothing we can't handle. Whether it be murderers or-" Paddy along with Peppermint stopped in their tracks when they saw the culprit. "…A...bunny?"Paddy and Peppermint stared confusingly at Roseluck looking for an answer.

"Yes! A bunny! It's been eating all my flowers and when I tried to stop the rabbit, it tried to kill me!"

After a brief silence, the two officers laughed at Roseluck.

"The rabbit tried to kill you? Please… That's the stupidest thing I’ve eve-" Peppermint was suddenly interrupted by the rabbit pouncing on her face. "OH DEAR CELESTIA ITS BITING MY FACE, ITS BITING MY FACE, KILL IT, KILL IT!!!" Paddy immediately pulled out his gun.

*BANG*BANG*BANG*

The rabbit fell to the ground dead, leaving a heavily breathing Peppermint to point at it. "You....can't hurt....anyone..anymore." Peppermint gasped.

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COPS Equestria

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A brown stallion (who was a Pegasus), known as Sheriff Brown, was having a coffee break with his current partner, an all-grey stallion (and also a large earth pony), named Stone.

"Man…I sure do love me some justice." Brown said.

"Yeah, and I like rocks." said Stone.

Brown was confused with Stone.

"Wait you mean like...as collectibles or-"

"No…I mean, romantically… I really like rocks."

As Stone said this, Sheriff Brown could tell he was serious, which only led him to yell out…"WHAT THE FU-"

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COPS Equestria

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Suddenly, a male griffin awoke from his sleep, screaming. "What’s wrong honey?" qustioned his concerned wife.

"I just had the worst dream about these equestrian police officers demanding my ID! And- And when I gave it to them, they started beating me senseless."

"Oh honey… it was just a dream! You're in the griffon kingdom, while those cops are all the way in Equestria. Now just try and get some rest."

The male griffon agreed with his wife.

"Okay. Alright honey, I'll try." He soon fell back asleep, however he and his wife never saw Sheriff Brown starring at them through the window with an evil smile tapping one hoof with a baton.

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COPS Equestria

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"I swear! I'm telling you the truth!"  Doctor Whooves exclaimed as the officers cuffed him. "I can travel through time and space! That thing over there is my time machine!" He pointed his hooves at the blue telephone station.

"Look sir, we don't know exactly how you stole that telephone station, but it’s still public property." said Peppermint, dragging along the stallion. "We’re going to have take you in for questioning. You have the right to remain silent. Anything- " Peppermint was suddenlyinterrupted by Doctor Whooves struggling to escape from her grasp.

"NO! I CANT GO TO JAIL I CAN-" He was stopped by Sheriff Brown who electrocuted him with his stun gun set to high.

All of the officers looked at the unconscious stallion, and then looked at Sheriff Brown, surprised.

"What?" Brown asked with a shrug of his shoulders. "The guy was freaking crazy! I mean who even steals a telephone station?”

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COPS Equestria

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Later in downtown Ponyville, Sheriff Brown and Officer Blazer were sitting together, having a conversation.

"…I mean, sometimes I just feel like nopony appreciates what we do." said Brown

"I know, right? I mean, this one time I was chasing down a thief and I shot him because he was to fast an-"

"What did the thief steal?" Brown asked with a stern face.

"An apple." Blazer said as he smiled. Sheriff Brown, however, only sighed at his response.

"Dammit Blazer..." Brown groaned. "Well, at least I see you're point. The public just doesn't trust us anymore. They probably think we’re just a bunch of stupid jerks."

"No way...."

"Yep."

"Well we just gotta prove to them they’re wrong and show them how smart and kind we truly ar-" Blazer stopped in mid-sentence when he heard what sounded like something being dragged. Blazer and Sheriff Brown turned to where the noise was coming from. What they saw was an earth pony stallion covered in blood, dragging a strange bag.

"Excuse me, sir." Brown said to the stallion who jumped when he saw the two officers approaching.

The stallion knew this wasn't going to end well, but he wasn't about to go to prison. Before he could pull out his knife, the brown coated officer spoke.

"Would you like some help with that bag of yours?" He said with a friendly smile.

"We would be so happy to help." added Blazer.

The stallion's confused face was quickly replaced with a smile."Uhh… of course you can! I'd love some help." The stallion replied.

"Great! Come on, Blazer. This poor fella needs us obviously smart police officers to help him." Officer Brown said as he grabbed the opposite side of the strange bag while Blazer used his magic to lift it.

"Wow! This is pretty heavy. What’s in this bag, anyways?" Sheriff brown asked.

"Uhh… fruit punch." The stallion said, his eyes shifting left and right nervously. “Lots and lots of fruit punch..."

"Fruit punch, huh… Well that would explain the red stuff all over it." Brown said, fully convinced that the red stuff dripping from the big bag was fruit punch. (I mean, what else could it be?!)

"Alright we’re here." The stallion said as the three stopped at his destination… which was the bridge hanging over the town's river.

"Wait. You're dumping the fruit punch in the river?" asked Blazer.

"Uhh... Yes. It's uhh... really, really old fruit punch, and the bag needs to go with it because it's…uhh...stained." Once again, the stallion’s eyes motioned left and right.

"Oh, okay then. That makes sense. Well, let’s throw this thing on three." They began to shout in unison.

"One..."

"Two…"

"THREE!"

All at once they threw the body- I mean - fruit punch into the river.

"Thanks so much officers."

"We’re hust doing our job, sir." Brown said with pride.

A few yards away from the whole scene stood Twilight Sparkle, who saw the whole ordeal and she now had a stern look on her face.

"Princess Celestia really needs to stop hiring idiots."

COPS Equestria episode 2

"Alright new recruit, it looks like that's it for the tour of the police headquarters." sheriff brown had got done showing the new recruit sideswipe (a dark green Pegasus) around the police headquarters. "So you got any questions?"

"Yes actually." sideswipe said while pointing at his new uniform. "Why does my name tag say "Bonebreaker" instead of sideswipe?"

"Oh..that was the name of the last guy who wore that uniform."

"what happened to him." sideswipe said out of curiosity.

"well...."

Bonebreaker, paddy, and blazer were all currently pinned down by enemy machine gun fire. "Alright guy's on the count of three were going to take those bastards head on!" Bonebreaker said with confidence.

"WHAT!" paddy was quick to interrupt "That's suicide!"

"I WANT MY MOMMY!" blazer said just out of randomness and idiocy.

"IF WE DO THIS WE'LL GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS THE BRAVEST OFFICERS IN EPD HISTORY!" bonebreaker said readying his firearm. "ON THE COUNT OF THREE...ONE..TWO..THREE!" While bonebreaker was quick to get up, paddy and blazer never did and stayed behind cover. "GO GO GO GO G-"

*BANG*BANG*BANG*BANG*BANG*BANG*

Bonebreaker fell dead after being  pelted with bullets."I didn't think we'd do it anyways." blazer said while still hiding behind cover like paddy, just waiting for the enemy to stupidly waist all their ammo so they could escape.

"And every time i look back on that day i only think one thing. Why couldn't it it be blazer...just why.?" as brown finished telling the story, sideswipe had a look of pure shock on his face. "well good luck being his replacement." as brown walked away, sideswipe just stood there with only one thing to say.

"I am so fu-"

COPS equestria

officer brown along with stone and paddy were all currently investigating a house which just so happened to be a scene of a murder investigation."any you find anything that looks important yet?" officer brown said as he examined the crime scene.

"i found this, it looks like he was into drawing." stone said as he handed brown a book that said "anthro designs" on it "I don't think i ever heard of a book with the name anthro" . officer brown decided to take the notebook and see what these "anthro designs" are.

"okay let's see what we have he-AH AH HOLY SH**T HOLY SH**T WHAT IS THAT WHAT IS THAT! officer brown immediately threw the book after seeing the first page and began to hide in the corner while muttering "make it go away, make it go away." paddy was confused at why the sheriff was suddenly acting like this, suspecting the book had something to do with it he picked it up.

"C'mon sheriff it cant be that ba-AHHH I WAS WRONG I WAS HORRIBLY WRONG!" brown threw the book in stones direction and joined brown in the corner. stone decided to pick up the book and see for himself what was wrong with it.

"guy's please it's just a harmless bo-" brown stopped at the first page like brown and paddy, but instead of screaming and running towards the corner he dropped the book, pulled out his gun and shot the book several times "THAT IS NOT COOL, THAT IS NOT COOL!" brown and paddy began to slowly walk out of the corner and towards the book.

However before they could reach it brown yelled "I THINK IT MOVED!" and immediately brown and paddy pulled out their guns and began firing at the book.

COPS Equestira

officer blazer was on duty in the crystal empire and was currently speaking to cadence about the portal he was guarding. "so you're telling me that this portal leads to a whole different world." blazer said to cadence.

"yes it does does, why don't you see for yourself."

"OKAY!" blazer quickly stuck his head in the portal. he pulled his head out not soon after with a confused face "huh, that was weird."

"what was weird?" cadence said with a look of confusion.

"well i was looking around, then i saw this giant metal bird heading strait for what i think was a school in front of me, and then it exploded when it hit, how can bird's do that?" cadence had a shocked expression on her face and immediately stuck her head in the portal, and after she got got her head out she went to the trashcan and vomited.

"why are you vomiting?" blazer said until hit "oh..OH..well then...i guess we should be thankful were not them." when cadence finally stopped vomiting twilight walked in with a confused face.

"what's going on?"

"quick question princess. did you have any friends that went to the school in the other world?" blazer said curiously.

"yes, why do you ask" replied twilight now more confused than ever.

"oh because they're all dead" blazer looked at his watch "oh it appears my shift is done, bye princess cadence, bye princess twilight." as he walked out he never even saw the horrid look on twilight's face.

COPS Equestria

as brown paroled ponyville's streets, a stallion with a couple of scars on his body and some weapons equipped to his waist walked up to him "excuse me sir but could you kindly point me to the direction of princess twilight's castle?" the stallion said with an evil grin.

"sure it's that way." officer brown pointed out with his hoof

"thank you officer." the stallion said while laughing evilly

"what a nice stallion, kind of remind's me of someone" he said while remembering the day he helped out another similar stallion with his fruit punch. "I'm starting to like this town, so many kind citizen's."  a griffon walked up to brown a while later.

"excuse me sir could you tell me where the town's soup kitchen is?" the griffon kindly said. however instead of helping the griffon, brown was slowly pulling out his baton.

COPS Equestria

officer sideswipe and officer paddy were currently on break, getting bored sideswipe began to speak "hey do you know peppermint?"

sideswipe asked paddy.

"yea, why?"

"Well i  just wondering if anyone's ever asked her out?"

"well, let me just tell you right now that you wouldn't be the first."

peppermint heard knocking at her door "i'm coming just hold on a minute!" when she opened the door she revealed to be paddy who immediately held out some flowers.

however instead of taking the flowers she grabbed her taser and tased paddy in the neck which immediately sent him to the ground squirming.

"no"

*ZAP*

"No"

*ZAP*

"NO!"

*ZAP*

As paddy finished telling his painful story, he turned to sideswipe who only said "i..think i'll just stick to online dating."

COPS Equestria

So Mr. harsh sea you called about a mysterious ship docking here at the manehatten harbor correct" brown said to the sailor while being accompanied by peppermint, sideswipe and blazer.

"yes officer, we weren't even supposed to get any shipments today" harsh sea explained "we haven't seen anyone leave the ship, some of the sailor's are starting to worry."

"alright i guess we can take a look, sideswipe, peppermint you're with me, and blazer" brown said while looking at the smiling unicorn "since i don't trust you, you're going to stay here with the captain if you see anything suspicious just yell."

"Okay sir!"  blazer said as brown and the two others approached the mysterious ship. blazer then turned towards harsh sea "wanna hear the story about how i heroically stopped a shop lifter!"

Brown was staring to get frustrated, he hadn't found anything suspicious on the ship. neither had peppermint or sideswipe "This is stupid. we haven't found anything suspicious yet. if you ask me those damn sailor's are probably playing some trick on us!"

"i don't know sheriff, harsh sea seemed pretty scared." sideswipe said to brown

"look these jerks are playing a trick on us i just know it." the officers suddenly heard a noise coming from the lower level of the ship "you guys stay here, i'm going to teach these pranksters a lesson" brown said as held out his baton and went down the stairs to the lower deck.

"i hate that guy" peppermint said while looking at the direction the sheriff went

"yea me too." but right after sideswipe replied he saw the sheriff screaming and running as fast as he could.

"AHHHHHH GET OUT OF MY MY WAY AHHHHHhhh....." while sheriff brown bolted past the two of them. the two officers also began to run when they saw hundred's of changeling's coming from the lower deck.

"RUUUUUN!"

"and to this day, people are still complaining  about what i did." blazer laughed as he finished telling his story to harsh sea, however he soon saw his fellow officers running as fast they could away from the ship with sideswipe yelling "HIDE YO KIDS HIDE YO WIFE!" blazer then turned to see hundreds of changelings fly out of the ship.

"hey sheriff i think i see something suspicious!" blazer yelled at the sheriff who only replied by yelling

"DAMMIT BLAZER!"