The Game of Shadows

Chapters

Party Crasher
And Then There Were Three
The Stopwatch Starts
Souls, Unsettled
Of Alicorns and Belles
A Lesson in Kickassery 101
Crystal Fisted Rainbows
The Dashed
A Potpourri of Events
The Fall of Zytharros
Preview: Wounds and Weapons
This Isn't Me
The Guardians of Harmony

Party Crasher

It was nice, waking to just the tweeting of birds. Since Fluttershy was absent from her house, I gathered she had awoken and turned the music off. I stretched and stood, rubbing my eyes. The door was open and there was a light breeze. A sparrow, who had alighted on my rump last night to sleep, gave me a morning chirp and took off.

I stepped outside and stretched my wings. I walked around the yard searching for my host, but found no trace of her anywhere. I stopped by to admire the chickens, losing myself in watching their little society mill about. I spent a few minutes in a self-willed hypnotic trance, just enjoying the day. Eventually, I snapped myself out of it, nodded at a chicken that had locked eyes with me for a moment, and walked off towards town.

She must’ve gone into town, I thought.

So I began trotting down the road towards town when I caught up with Fluttershy going the other way. She appeared to have needed to do some early-morning shopping.

“Good morning, Zytharros,” she said, smiling.

“The same to you,” I replied. “Sleep well?”

“I did,” she said. “Where are you off to?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought I’d head into town and check up on the library. Hey, does anypony have those leftover bits I left behind last time?”

Fluttershy thought for a second, then remembered, “We put them in the Ponyville Bank for you for whenever you came back. You should have quite a bit in there now. The interest rate’s been really good lately.”

“I’ll stop by and see,” I said.

Fluttershy pulled out a kiwi she had just picked up. “Here’s something for breakfast,” she said.

“Thanks, Fluttershy,” I said, upending the kiwi. “I’ll see what else I can grab in town after checking my account.”

We said our parting farewells and I continued on. I heard the school bell ring to my right. A steady stream of fillies and colts streamed past me to the school. I noted Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom among them, but none of them noticed me. They were too embroiled in planning their latest Cutie Mark Crusade to notice much beyond their inner circle, even though, for a brief second, they walked right around my legs – Scootaloo to my left, Apple Bloom to my right, and Sweetie Belle absentmindedly passed right underneath me.

I proceeded farther into town, chuckling. I passed by several fruit stands just opening for the day. A lot of them waved and smiled at me. A couple asked me where I had been for the past year. I simply replied that I had gone on a trip. I labelled several large cities in Equestria I had visited, and everyone usually smiled, nodded, and continued working. A couple asked me what I did there, to which I replied I took a temporary job. I asked a couple ponies where the bank was. They directed me to the Town Hall.

To my surprise, Derpy was managing the bank’s front desk.

“Hey, Derpster!” I said, happy to see another familiar face.

Derpy brightened widely. “Zytharros!!” she said, tackling me. “I’m so happy to see you again!”

We laughed in re-unity before getting up again.

“I’ll have to talk to you on a break,” I said. “I’m sure we’ve got a lot to catch upon, especially why you’re working here now.”
“It’s my midday part time job,” she said. “I deliver mail in the mornings and evenings for two hours at a time, and in between come here. So, what can I do for you?”

“Wait… you do three shifts a day?” I asked.

She nodded. “With all the stuff I break, I gotta pay for it somehow…” she trailed off, a dejected look mixing with a mischievous smirk, giving her that trademark bit-lip, contemplative smile she was so well-known for. “But we can talk about that later.” she asked as she got back behind the counter.

I nodded. “Of course… you’re on the clock, after all. So, apparently I have a bank account now… Twilight, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, or Pinkie must’ve set it up for me.”

“It was Rainbow Dash, actually,” Derpy said. Her memory of goings-on was second only to Pinkie Pie’s in the whole town, except when it came to her own actions. “She brought your money here and opened an account. How’d you get fifty thousand bits, anyway?”

I flinched, remembering Canterlot’s fall. “I… helped out a wealthy pony… in a big way,” I answered.

“Must’ve been one of those big shots in Canterlot,” Derpy mused. “Never did like that city… too many people angry with me…” she mumbled something indecipherable as she browsed through a ledger, then continued. “Okay, well, you’ve got almost a hundred thousand bits in your account now. You’re scheduled to get another twenty-five-hundred in three days from the Canterlot Royal Treasury.”

I frowned, looking at the number. Why would they set me up with all this cash? I mean, I only pass through once in a blue moon…

“Thanks,” I said, smiling. “Hey, can I withdraw a thousand bits?”

Derpy went to the back and brought out a small sack filled with one hundred coins worth ten bits apiece. She tossed it to me… but missed me and broke the front window.

“Derp…” she mumbled, lowing a little. “Sorry…”

I chuckled. “Just tell them to take it out of my account,” I said. “It was my money that broke the window. I’ll stay until the area’s secure.”

She shied away again. “No… don’t worry… I’m used to it.”

Whether it was her downcast face, her deliberately slow movements, or her shaking hooves, something in her demeanor told me this may have happened before. Derpy filled out a receipt and left the desk to inform her manager while I watched the front desk and window. I knew it was a friendly village with little taste for thievery, but I still couldn’t leave that big a security hole open for people, just in case there was a troublemaker or two around.

Unfortunately, the boss saw no humour in Derpy’s actions.

Derpy ran out of the bank in tears as a large, gray stallion with blue hair shouted after her, “That’s the seventh time this week! We’re going to lose a lot of money over you if you keep doing that!! Go back to the post office!!”

I frowned and took off out the window after Derpy, picking up my withdrawn bits and receipt. I chased her around the sky for a bit, but, of course, her legendary klutziness caught up with her. She looked the wrong way just once and barreled headlong into Carousel Boutique, crashing through the roof and, based on the screams and crashes I heard, tore up the shop real well.

I flew in through the hole and saw a clean hole bored through the floor down to ground level. Rarity, Sweetie Belle, Derpy, about twelve mannequins and almost three hundred articles of fabric were wrapped up in a giant ball. I heard Rarity’s muffled screaming and Derpy’s panicked crying through the fabric. I tore through and pulled Derpy out of the shop as Rarity flung random objects of all sorts of different sizes at us.

It seemed Ponyville was having a very tense morning. I walked with Derpy to the nearest café where we stopped and had lunch.

“It seems all I can do well is deliver mail,” Derpy commented. “I’ve tried to do a ton of other things, but nothing’s working.”

I replied, “Some people are just built to do one thing. You deliver the mail better than most ponies I’ve ever seen.”

She smiled, a little embarrassed. “Thanks.” She knocked over her drink, but quickly snapped it up again. “I’m always doing that…”

“I can tell,” I said, sipping a milkshake.

“What I don’t get is people who think I’m dumb,” she complained. “I may be clueless at times, but I’m not dumb!”

I nodded. “You and I know that. Some people take a look at your eye and assume there’s nothing there. It’s quite unfortunate…”

Her uncontrollable eye tracked something over my shoulder. Her other eye was locked onto me.

“You’re a normal pony,” she said, sulking. “You wouldn’t know what that’s like.”

I leaned back in my chair. “No, not personally,” I admitted. “My wife, on the other hand, knows all too well. She has a disability even worse than yours, and she’s had to fight for herself all her life.”

“She doesn’t cause the property damage I do, though,” she insisted. “I’m sure of it.”

“Granted, but you both have still had to fight for truly honest respect,” I said. “How many friends do you have around here?”

Derpy thought for a bit. “Twilight’s always willing to talk. I don’t hurt her library as much as I do other places… Rainbow’s a little rough, but she means well. She doesn’t intentionally insult me… Lyra and Bon Bon talk with me occasionally… Then there’s you, but you only show up every so often.” She put her head on the table. “Everyone else kind of… avoids me… unless I’m on my mail run… Oh, and Vinyl,” she remembered. “I’m the only one she’s told her staff to let backstage any time I want. She stops by for coffee whenever she’s in town. She’s probably my best friend.”

She chuckled, recalling some event... “Actually, I helped her get her cutie mark…”

I looked at her curiously. “Oh?”

She smiled. “That’s our secret.”

I smiled back, nodding an understanding okay. “I don’t pry into secrets… but can you give me a hint?”

Derpy thought for a second, then got this suspicious, scheming smile on her face that told me I wasn’t about to get anything out of her. I just finished off the rest of my milkshake and laughed. She was a simple pony, for sure, but she was no ditz like she had been painted to be. A conversation we held last time I was in town revealed a surprising fact – she was more offended by being called Ditzy Doo than Derpy Hooves. She was just a simple, catastrophic klutz. She seemed to be like Pinkie Pie in a way – always wanting to be the bright bubble in everyone’s day, but unlike Pinkie, never quite fully knowing how to go about it.

Then again, who isn’t like that? I thought. It seems like we’re all just trying to find our own way to help out. Some of us get it right, while others have the unfortunate tendency to run through brick walls on the way to the final goal.

I looked up at the sky. The light breeze blew at my mane and tail. A slight smile passed my lips.

“Beautiful day, isn’t it?” I said.

Derpy leaned back in her chair, but fell off it. “Oh, horse pellets…” she muttered, getting back up on the chair. She pushed the chair a little closer to the wall. Settling in, she finally nodded her agreement.

I smirked, chilling in the breeze. We relaxed for a few minutes.

“Well, I’ve gotta take off,” Derpy said. “My shift starts soon.”

I looked at the town hall’s clock. “No problem. Have a great day!”

Derpy gave me a slight salute, then promptly ran into a fruit stand as she took off. I facehoofed, letting a slight nervous chuckle escape. My thoughts came back to me – the unfortunate tendency to run into brick walls on the way. The irony of my thoughts sometimes…

After helping the fruit stand manager re-set up his stand, I looked around. I was lost for direction. I observed Rainbow Dash and the weather patrol team setting up for a clear sky, so I quietly slipped into the rhythm I observed the pegasi in and helped them move clouds. Rainbow noted my help and set me with Team Four. We finished setting the clouds, then each member took off. Rainbow departed with a couple other pegasi, and I descended back into town.

This was proving to be a listless afternoon for me.

Just then, I heard the train come in. I darted over to the train station just as a small collection of ponies got off the train, but nobody I knew. I left the train station and took off. According to Fluttershy, Twilight was scheduled to return yesterday evening, but nobody had seen her.

Come to think of it, should there not have been a flurry of activity around the town around noon? The Princess’ party was tonight, was it not?

I flew to Twilight’s house and knocked. There was no answer. As I had passed, Ponyville had indeed been stirred into a bustle of activity in preparation by the Mayor, but the All-Pony Organizer was markedly absent, and the expedience of the preparation was suffering because of it.

“This is bizarre…” I said.

I teleported myself inside – the first time I had tried using that spell since last year, when Twilight had showed me it during a particularly long study session involving the general magic wave expulsion session I had given her in those last five days. The curtains were drawn and snoring came from the upper balcony. I chuckled. It was highly unlike Twilight to sleep in, even more unlike her to sleep in this late, and even more… uh… more unlike her to drop her third-tier magical shield.

I quickly built her and Spike a small breakfast, organized all her papers, then slowly unlatched the window above her bed so the wind would start to blow in through the curtains, being careful not to wake her up and letting the fluttering of the curtain and the rousing sunlight flashing across her eyes do the job. Slowly she roused.

“What time is it…?” she asked groggily.

I smiled. “A little after two in the afternoon…”

Twilight shrieked. “What!? Oh, buck… I’m late! I am… so-o-o-o… late!!!”

She flashed down the stairs.

“Breakfast and schedules on the center table, quills, ink and assignment lists on your desk...” I said.

All I saw was a purple flash as she blasted around the library, gathering papers and equipment, eating her breakfast, packing her things, and leaving all at once. I swore I saw her dump Spike’s cereal into her bag and stuff his face with about ten lists. She passed me with a quick “HiandthanksZytharrosnotimetochatgottago!” I chuckled. I shut the library and trotted after the panicking purple pony. We would have to connect at the celebration tonight.

The rest of the day was spent volunteering my help for set-up in whatever aspects I could. Just as the sun began to slip behind the eastern mountains, and just as we saw Celestia’s carriage depart from Canterlot, we completed the setup.
As I landed, smiling and content with my work I felt a cold breeze on my back, and a feeling of dread came over me. That feeling was too familiar, too real…

…too Tangerine…

…except it wasn’t Tangerine’s voice that spoke into my mind…

A cackling, hissing, dark voice spoke… “You returned. You should never have returned. Now you’ll get to see Equestria’s destruction first-hand.”

I whispered in exclamation, “Crystal Fist!?”

She cackled again. “Specifically, her shadow… one not even you can stop this time…”

A menacing cackle reverberated as the cold and voice departed.

Twilight called my name. I stood there, heart racing, glaring angrily at the sky, very visibly stressed.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

I growled, “I thought we had defeated her…”

“What!?” Twilight asked. “Is… she…?”

I nodded. “Crystal Fist is back… and she’s gonna make her next move tonight.”

Twilight and I had no time to do any research or prepare. Celestia was descending to Ponyville as we spoke. All we were able to do was warn our friends to keep an eye out for anything suspicious.

How the hell did she survive? I demanded of myself. I destroyed her! We destroyed her! We took care of her! Why is she back? And how did she get into my mind so easily this time?

No answers came. I snorted. Twilight flinched.

“Easy now,” she said. “We’ll get her when she shows up.”

Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Absolutely utterly completely terribly unequivocally irrevocably wrong. She should not have survived.

“Zytharros?” Twilight asked. “Are you okay?”

I took a deep breath and tried to relax, but I couldn’t fully shake the gut-ache. For some bizarre reason I turned away from Twilight and grunted.

“This is really bothering me…” I said. “She shouldn’t have survived.”

Twilight and I both heard the voice next.

“But I did,” she said.

The Elements of Harmony suddenly galloped up to us.

“Didja hear that!?” Applejack said.

Fluttershy nodded. “That was creepy…”

“She’s back?!” Rarity queried in fear. “She can’t be! I died for nothing!”

Rainbow bellowed, “I’m getting sicka her!”

Suddenly, an Earth pony silhouette appeared in front of us. Black as the night sky, it had no mouth, only eyes… hideous, putrid, yellow, pussing eyes. Its body, surrounded by a black, starry aura, was riddled with holes. She looked at the six of us. Suddenly, a brown barrier was formed over the whole of Ponyville. I saw the Princess’ cart stop hard before it hit.

“No one can come or go,” she said, “unless I want. I don’t want you Elements of Harmony leaving.”

“Crystal Fist!” I stepped forward. “How did you survive? After what we did to you, you should be dead!”

“Oh, but I am…” she seethed. “Dimensional travel gives me the advantage, however, of reserving a second corporeal form for myself in case I should die, so my will can press on where my body failed. When you blew up Tangerine, I simply willed myself back to this form… my native form… the form of a Dimensian.”

I bit my lip. We hadn’t counted on this angle to dimensional travel.

“Now…” she said, generating magic.

Twilight smiled. “We’ll put you down again! Elements of Harmony…”

Before she could get another word out, Crystal Fist erupted in black magic. Six rays shot forth from her being, consuming each of my six friends. Each was now waging her own private war inside herself.

“When I confronted you last time, I had hoped to take over Equestria using less-invasive methods,” she said.

Slowly, Pinkie Pie succumbed to the Shadow Magic. Her eyes became as twisted as Tangerine Hopes’ were – full of equal parts sadness and madness.

“But I see now what was necessary…” she smirked.

Rarity’s will succumbed next. Her eyes reflected pain and sorrow.

She laughed. “I need to take over the Elements of Harmony…”

Applejack and Fluttershy fell at the same time, their countenances reflecting bitter disappointment and agonizing betrayal.

“…and send you, Zytharros, back to the hell you came from!” Crystal Fist shouted.

Rainbow Dash collapsed to the earth as her endurance left her. Her face showed no emotion at all.

“But that won’t do… no… not yet…” she said. “I’m going to make you wander Equestria. Make you pay for your crimes against me. Then I’ll watch you suffer in agony as I destroy everything important to you…”

Twilight was the last one fighting. Despite her best efforts, her face began to twist. Her body began to decolorize.

“What… do you want… with us…?” she struggled to ask as she continued to fight.

Crystal Fist cackled. “I am going to use you as minions… Minions with which I will break Celestia…”

“No…” Twilight said.

“…and then you, Zytharros.” Crystal Fist declared, expelling a bright flash of magic. “Shazam!”

I heard Twilight scream something as the world went white. I was airborne… airborne… airborne…

Unconscious.

And Then There Were Three

I felt something move my forelegs. It wasn’t a hard move, just a light push. I groaned. My everything ached. I couldn’t remember if I had been hit by a bus or a train.

All I knew was my friends were captives.

I opened my eyes to see a familiar wall-eyed pegasus standing over me and nudging me with her forehoof.

“Zytharros,” Derpy said.

I groaned again, slowly getting up. “What happened?”

“I’m not exactly sure,” she said. “I was delivering mail like normal when I saw a white flash. I wound up here, unconscious, with you.”

“Oh, right…” I said, remembering. “She’s back…”

“Who?” Derpy asked.

“This is going to take a bit to explain…” I said. “The last time I was in Equestria, we, as in Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and I, engaged with a mare named Crystal Fist. She had taken over the identity of a dimension-travelling mare named Tangerine Hopes. We eventually took care of her, but now Crystal Fist, the one we discovered to be the real evil, has resurfaced, and has taken control of the previously mentioned six.”

I snorted when I finished. Derpy had a blank look on her face.

“What?” she asked.

I sighed. “Where did you get lost?”

She thought for a second. “That part about dimensional travel. What’s that?”

“Zytharros,” a stern, royal voice spoke. “You aren’t supposed to tell anyone that outside of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony.”

I looked back at Princess Celestia. She had landed her chariot near my landing point.

“Celestia, no disrespect intended, but this is not the time to tell me who to reveal information to!” I exclaimed. “My only ally besides you stands in front of me. The other six are captured and held in Ponyville, likely doing for Crystal Fist what Tangerine Hopes did for her. I’m going to make use of whomever I deem of help to get them back, and if that means telling them information I’m ‘supposed’-” I pantomimed quotes with a hoof “-to keep secret, then I will.”

Celestia growled, her face contorting into the anger of one unused to being defied. Never in a thousand years had she been opposed like that!

“The Elements of Harmony are useless in their current state,” I said. “I don’t know how or where, but I’m going to find a way to help. You and Derpy are currently my only options, unless you present me with another source of assistance. However, your mission is to see that the threat of Crystal Fist remains isolated to Ponyville, if I’m not mistaken?”

The Princess nodded, still a little bitter I had let the information out and had already determined my course of action without her guidance.

“Until you can come up with a better plan than this one, or can produce alternate Elements of Harmony, this is the only route open to me,” I continued. “Furthermore, Derpy and I have nowhere to go, and I figure we may as well try our hand at saving Equestria together. If you’re not going to help, then we will spend our days wandering the land until we find a place to settle, find what we’re seeking, or keel over and die.”

Derpy smiled expectantly at the thought of adventure.

Celestia sighed. “I always knew I had brought over a stubborn one…” she said. “…Okay. Let’s go to Canterlot, first. I have a special secret section of the library not even Twilight knew about on dimensional travel. There may be some answers in there.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I’m not leaving my friends hanging, especially your prized student Twilight.”

At that, Celestia grew cross. We mounted her chariot and took off.

“When you put it that way, Zytharros…” she said, “time becomes of the highest essence.”

We took off, heading directly for Canterlot Castle. Unfortunately, the threat had expanded and eclipsed Canterlot. Celestia’s countenance faltered, hope briefly lost to the depressing scenery. After a few minutes of just hovering in place, thinking of our next step, she remembered something.

“There is an old castle in Fillydelphia,” she recalled. “Before Canterlot was built over a millennium and a half ago, we used that as the royal seat. At the time, it was called Canterdam.”

“What’s with Equestria’s heads-of-state having a fascination with the word ‘canter’?” I suddenly blurted as we about-faced and took off for the city.

She blushed. “That’s… um… our secret…”

I chuckled nervously, rolling into an “O-o-o-o… kay… not touching that one…”

Derpy chuckled. “So, I don’t quite understand this ‘dimensional travel’ business,” she said.

I looked at Celestia and she simply sighed. “Alright, Zytharros… you’ve told her everything else, you might as well tell her that, too…”

I turned to Derpy, reiterating some of the stuff Twilight and I had learned on our two major research runs last time I was in town. “All worlds not in the same universe exist on a plane of reality running parallel to one another, usually linked in the form of art, animation, or, in the case of my world, computer generation. Dimensional travel is the ability to warp between layers of reality. This kind of travel is an art few can use, and even fewer can master. I’ll be the first to admit I know nothing of its finer points. Thanks to the Princess I’m able to pass through the barrier and visit. The barrier, which I have termed the ‘fifth wall’, that is, the barrier to the point of full interaction between audience and media, is the final breach point between worlds.”

Derpy nodded silently, taking it all in.

“I must admit, I wasn’t completely honest with you about my origins, and I apologize, but at the time it was a necessary evil. Truthfully, I come from Earth, not Appleford, as you may have heard. I am a human by nature, initially summoned to Equestria to help with what turned out to be the original attack by Tangerine Hopes. Appleford is actually a fictional city I made up using the name of a city called Abbotsford back on Earth, which is known for its large raspberry fields.”

“Actually, that’s not exactly true,” Celestia said, chuckling. “Though you may not have known this, it was wise for you to pick the name Appleford and claim it to be known for raspberries. It’s a small city well-known for its raspberries here in Equestria as well." She continued smiling. "It’s kind of funny that we would have a parallel city famous for identical things.”

I smirked. “Again, my thoughts play an irony on my experiences.”

“Wow…” Derpy put her head down in thought. I looked back, concerned.

“What’s up?” I asked.

She looked at me. “I could’ve kept that secret.”

I nodded. “I agree, but at the time, I was new to Ponyville and didn’t know who I could trust.”

The blonde one nodded. “I understand. In order for your mission to operate effectively, you needed to keep your origins as secret as you could.”

The cart fell silent for a couple seconds as we proceeded to Fillydelphia.

“Very well,” Derpy spoke.

Celestia and I turned back to the gray and blonde mare.

“I guess I should tell you something as well,” she said.

I looked at her questioningly.

Derpy spoke again. “Remember that fan fiction that called me Bright Eyes?”

I nodded. “Vaguely, yes.”

“I hate that author!!” she screamed. Celestia and I flinched away at the suddenly-animated bubble-marked pegasus. “I hate that name!! That name’s used by ponies who can’t accept me for me! I am Derpy Hooves, not Bright Eyes…” She stomped a hoof. “Princesses… that one always annoys me…”

“Why?” I asked, recalling pieces of the fanfic in question. “It seemed like a nice name. The story was well-thought-out, too.”

“Bright Eyes was what the teachers in my school called me to get my classmates to stop making fun of me,” she said. “It became a teacher’s-pet-type tease, and put even more focus on my wonky eye than I felt was necessary. I know they tried to help me feel good, but when you’re already self-conscious of your eye and ponies give you a name that emphasizes your weird eye even more…” she screamed. “It’s like rubbing salt in a wound, then pouring lava on the salty wound, especially with what Hasbro and Apple did to me… they made me wear an artificial lens and screw up my voice for the scene retake… I’ll never forgive them for that…”

“I am Derpy Hooves!” she proclaimed. “That is who I am! I’ll even accept Ditzy Doo, ‘cuz, let’s face it, I’m a bit of a ditz at times… but Bright Eyes!?” She facehoofed, growling. “Turn my cutie mark into a buckin’ target, why don’cha?!”

Okay, so she wasn't as offended by Ditzy Doo as I had thought. I smiled. “I’ll be sure to let the Brony community know, but I doubt you’ll stop the people who like your name as Bright Eyes.”

“I know…” she sighed, letting the last of her frustration subside. She smiled. “That’s about the only problem I have with the Earth fans, though. Most of them are pretty funny… especially those that keep pairing Rainbow Dash with her friends when she’s no marebian. She’s got a crush on Soarin’, but she’s too much of a chicken to make any moves.”

My eyes bugged out. “How do you know that?”

“She orders every Playmare magazine with Soarin’ on the cover…” Derpy absentmindedly let slip. Her eyes bugged out and she blushed. “Uh… that’s… a mailmare confidential… uh…”

Celestia blushed and I burst out laughing.

I waved at her. “Don’t worry,” I said. “That’s one hundred percent not leaving this cart.” I hummed an old childhood tease song… Soarin’ and Dashie, sittin’ in a tree… then burst out laughing again. Celestia joined me as she recognized the tune as well. Eventually, Derpy let out a small chuckle of her own.

“She stopped ordering them six months ago, though…” Derpy said. “I’ll bet that’s when she lost interest in the Wonderbolts… Soarin’s looked prinn…” she slipped quietly into some random unintelligible again as her cheeks flushed red, her thoughts occupied with an image in her mind... Soarin', no doubt.

We continued chatting all the way to Phillydelphia, near a full afternoon of flight away.

After several hours of flight, we landed at Fillydelphia’s Canterdam Castle. It was half the size of any building around it, but one could tell it still held a sizable amount of reverie in the hearts of Equestrians. The grounds were kept immaculate just in case the Princesses needed to use it.

As we flew over the city, I noticed that it appeared to have developed out from the original castle. A lot of older buildings surrounded the palace, with more modern, taller buildings smattered between those as history had made room for progress. The architecture was an interesting hodgepodge of styles, though most of them I was foreign to, for obvious reasons. There were four different walls, built at various points in world history, which the city had continually eclipsed as it had expanded. These created a sort of roughshod target layout, centering on the small castle. Celestia went off about explaining each of the “stages of Fillydelphia” and as we landed Derpy and I learned more about the city than we ever cared to. It was obvious Fillydelphia held a strong place in Her Majesty’s heart.

I was struck by Canterdam Castle’s relative simplicity compared to Canterlot’s. The building looked like a simple three-storey mansion. Its outside wall enclosed an area barely the size of the capital’s castle footprint, never mind the expansive grounds. The small towers were uninspired and bland, their purpose strictly defined. Many old nicks and cuts told me this castle had been attacked several times, which Celestia confirmed by pointing out some mismatched stones, patchwork, and points of repair either she or Princess Luna had completed over the castle’s lifetime.

We walked through the main doors into an open foyer with a golden double staircase. Violet and deep blue striped wallpaper accented with gold trim patterned the walls. A red carpet rested on the white-and-violet-tiled floor. Miscellaneous portraits hung on the wall of various Earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns from Equestria’s history, including the Council of the Founding Twelve. The focus of the room, however, was a large, yin-yang-style painting of the sun and moon, with the faces of two people the Princess identified as the Regal Parents facing each other, flanking the fused pictures of sun and moon.

“Your parents had the same role you and your sister do?” I asked.

The mare with the self-winded mane nodded. “They were among the very first settlers to Equestria, the first to take up the roles of the sun and moon, and the first to settle here, in Fillydelphia.”

“How did the city’s name change?” our bubble-flanked companion asked.

Celestia replied, “On the eve of my coronation, after my father, the original riser of the sun, had passed on…”

“You’re not immortal!?” Derpy asked, surprised.

Celestia chuckled. “No. Nobody’s immortal. Actually, to be honest, I’m about as grown as I will get for my family.” She suddenly grew downcast. “I’ve been so busy with my duties I don’t have time for dates… It’s one of my great shames, actually.”

I smiled and patted her shoulder. “You’ll find one eventually.”

The Princess smiled sadly. “Yes, yes, I know…”

Derpy and I exchanged concerned glances. I had already tried to encourage a couple of my friends to try going out with each other and both times the relationships didn’t work. I could offer no help to her in this regard, nor was I about to try.
I cleared my throat. “Continue about your parents, please.”

Celestia resumed her regal stature and composure, continuing her tale as we walked through Canterdam Castle. “Yes, I apologize… when my father had passed on and our coronation took place, we were finishing construction on a new castle at Canterlot, which at the time was a sleepy mountain village. Four years later, we completed the castle and moved the royal seat to Canterlot. At that point, we allowed the citizens to name their city. It took a bit of time for them to decide… some liked Canterdam, but most wanted it changed. Eventually, after Discord attacked the first time, the city agreed to call itself Fillydelphia.

During the attack, the city’s mares could birth nothing but fillies, then nothing but colts, then nothing but fillies. Eventually, the fillies began to outnumber almost every other pony in the city, so the citizens suggested Fillydelphia as a means of attracting young families with colts from filly-shortaged areas.”

I raised an eyebrow. “So… the whole reason it’s Fillydelphia is…”

Celestia nodded, confirming my thoughts of an entirely sexual nature for the name. I choked on my spittle in shock.

“That’s…” I said.

Derpy pantomimed barfing. “…gross!” she said.

Celestia replied, “We… left it to a citizen’s vote and vowed not to interfere… whatever the consequence.”

We arrived at another library. The Princess nodded towards the books. “If your answers weren’t in Canterlot or Ponyville, they will most certainly be here.”

“You’ve got some strange citizens, C.” I said, shortening the Princess’ name to an almost insulting informal length.

The Princess didn’t mind. “It certainly has been an interesting two millennia, I’ll give it that.” She turned, walking out of the castle. “You might want to get started on that tomorrow. I have to go get the sun set now… I’m late as it is.”

We nodded as the Princess left us behind, letting the staff of the Castle know we would be her guests for the foreseeable future. Derpy and I spent a bit of time exploring Her Majesty’s old digs before finding some relatively new beds to set down in for the night, feeding off what we were served for supper.

I had never had a need for Twilight’s intelligent, witty conversation more than that night. I had a lot to go through, and no one except Derpy to bounce it off of. I realized where my thoughts were going and quickly shut them out of my head, both out of disgust that I would think of Derpy as a less-than-intelligent pony, and out of embarrassment that seductive Twilight pictures were popping up randomly in my mind... Thanks, Fillydelphia...

This was going to be a long adventure.

It seemed confusion was the order of the night – my dreams were as disjointed and nonsensical as a Discord-controlled Equestria.

The Stopwatch Starts

I awoke suddenly to a loud crash! Bolting out of bed, I saw Derpy had managed to crash through her bed, the mattress popping a couple springs. She looked at me wide-eyed and blushed.

I sighed out of relief. “I thought something bad had happened to you.”

“No, just me being… well, me,” she said, a little saddened. “I just don’t know what went wrong.”

I chuckled, slowly slipping into a morning fog of tiredness. “I guess you’re passionate about your bouncing.”

“I love the fun it gives me,” she said, subconsciously flapping her wings and smiling. She steadily began to gain air, then gained speed.

“Derpy, watch your head,” I warned… just as Derpy whacked the back of her head on the ceiling. She collapsed back onto the broken bed, rubbing the top of her head and wincing.

I didn’t know whether to smirk or feel sorry for her, so instead I simply helped her out of the wreckage of bed without a word. We sauntered down to the dining hall where we ate breakfast. Derpy made a complete mess of her side of the table, going through two plates of food and dropping half of everything onto the ground. I finished my plate with only a couple things dropping onto the table. Derpy spilled three different drinks. I finished two full glasses of milk.

Yup… definitely a catastrophic klutz, I thought as we ate. She truly, honestly tries, though.

After breakfast, Derpy and I decided to get an early start on research. I asked her to get a couple books down from the shelf, getting her to look for anything relating to Crystal Fist, Tangerine Hopes, or dimensional travel. The library at Canterlot had a lot on Tangerine, but very little on Crystal. This library seemed to have a lot on dimensional travel and its effects on a pony, but nothing specific on either of our foes from my last excursion. I dug into those books while Derpy kept searching for more, spilling two entire shelves of books in the process.

At around noon, our lunch was brought to us by the cook, who came and took the plates away once we were done. It was nice to just read and eat without thinking about going to get lunch for myself. Derpy and I bantered over the contents of the books we had read to that point, holding a conversation that, while not as engaging as ones with Twilight, was sufficient enough to engross me and keep me tied up.

A couple hours after lunch, I settled back, finishing my skim-through of a particularly large tome by Starswirl the Bearded about nanoparticles and magic’s ability to assemble random objects in thin air, and rubbed my eyes. I would have to bring this home to Ponyvlle and show Twilight when we had saved her, but for now I thought it would be good to take a break.

“Hey! What about this one?” Derpy called from an obscure corner of the stuffy library.

Flying over, she held a simple, brown-covered book with a generic black Earth pony silhouette on it. We cracked open the book to the title page…

“Crystal Fist: The Being Between Dimensions, by Tangerine Hopes,” Derpy read.

“Celestia didn’t have this book in Canterlot,” I recalled.

I decided one more before a break wouldn’t hurt. We flipped open the book. The first chapter was obviously written from before her descent into madness. It detailed Tangerine’s tales into a village of Dimensians, a race given the extraordinary task of keeping the fabric of dimensions properly spaced. It suggested a measurement of less than two-thirds of a nanometer each for the Five Walls separating completely disconnected worlds, and even smaller to absent measurements for specific walls within those that were media-connected.

The second chapter detailed her first meeting with the Dimensian princess Crystal Fist, the perfect duplicate to Princess Celestia between the dimensions, albeit with a few more psychotic tendencies like a desire to force takeover of others’ bodies. She swapped forms twice during her visit, but called it a “psychological disorder” and convinced Tangerine she was of no threat.

The third chapter dealt with the physiology of Dimensians, differentiating them from Changelings, but with the realization that they were at one point a singular race with both powers that had optimized itself over time into two. The evidence was in the absence of a horn for Dimensians.

The next several chapters detailed in Twilight-esque great lengths how Tangerine’s psychology was slowly, delicately, and carefully disassembled by her host, even as she was enthralled with the spectacle and grandeur of the Princess. All the while, Tangerine kept her denial of the events up, though, by the timeline given by her other books, she also continued to chronicle all her other adventures. She attended several festivals, documenting three Equestrian years in the village by marking each birth date with a party in her honour, but passing over hundreds of thousands of years of world history in about ten thousand words.

The tenth chapter was blank, except for four lines.

“She’s in my brain… The life inside is breaking up…”

A gnawing at the back of my mind left me unable to focus enough to read the last two. Derpy looked at me, concerned.

“Are you okay, Zytharros?” she asked.

I walked in circles for a little bit, collecting my temporarily-shattered mind. The headache passed.

I gave a concerned glance at the soft, gray mare, frowning in thought. “I… I don’t know for sure… I think I’m fine… for now…”

Derpy nodded nervously. “Okay. Remember, I’m here to help.”

She may be the only thing to keep you sane, a voice suddenly spoke, erupting into my head. It faded away into oblivion. My eyes registered shock. Derpy shied back a little at the sudden change in demeanor.

She was in my mind. Her seed was sown.

I needed to know something, and it was a need to know now, not later. I frowned and looked at Derpy. “Will you stand by me and even kill me if it is to save Equestria?”

“I-” she started. She was stunned.

“I need an answer,” I demanded, slight panic showing in my voice. “I’m sorry to put this on you, but if I lose it, I don’t want you knowing me as your enemy… ever. Will you kill me if I lose my mind?”

I shed a couple tears as I felt… something… creeping around in my mind. I knew I would not make it sanely… this time… without Derpy, though to which end of insanity I would go was still up in the air. She still hesitated, absolutely refusing to believe what she was hearing.

I sighed. “Derpy, just now, Crystal Fist came to me in my mind. She left behind a shard of herself that will slowly deteriorate my control. I need your help to rescue our friends, but I also need to know if you can carry the burden alone if necessary. One of those burdens, as morbid as it may be, may be finishing me off.”

Derpy swallowed. She scrunched her mouth, trying to decide whether to run or not. I could see her wavering as a front hoof steadily rose up, her one good eye racing around, trying to make a decision she had never made before.

Eventually, though, she settled her hoof on the ground.

She acknowledged her fear. “I don’t want to lose you like that…” she said solemnly. “But if I have to, I will.”

I pointed a hoof at her. “Pinkie promise.”

Derpy swallowed again. She tried to raise a hoof to complete the promise, but slowly lowered the hoof to the earth in shame.

“I… I can’t do it…” Derpy admitted quietly, a tear leaking from her bad eye. “I won’t. I won’t kill.”

I snorted in disappointment, then, seeing her shamed self in clear agony, sighed. “Derpy…”

I approached her, holding her shoulders with my wings. We stared at each other for a bit before embracing in a hug.

“I understand,” I said. “I value life like you do, almost exclusively to anything else. Believe me when I say I don’t ask that question without a heavy heart of my own… I would rather not place that kind of burden on anyone, but unfortunately our enemy has placed that… that nasty decision before us.”

I felt Derpy sob. She spoke very softly: “I’m sorry… I’m not sure if I’m reliable enough to do this.”
My heart melted again. “It’s okay… Our answer will come in time.”

As we continued hugging, a second song came to my head, a silent prayer to my Hero, in the words of Skillet, one of my favourite bands… modified slightly to suit the situation

Save us from our rage and our humanity!!
We’re more nothing than being… is this our legacy??
Feel it eating us away...

I shed a tear onto that blonde mane as she wrapped her forelegs around me, hugging me tightly as she quivered in fear…

Souls, Unsettled

We had burned most of the day searching through the library, leaving the evening free and open. I couldn’t settle down, so Derpy and I took off into Phillydelphia to get some fresh air. We left with one of our pegasus guards who knew the area, giving our eyes and minds a break from the strenuous studying. We found a concert by a band named Dashcore at a bar in the area. It was dubbed “metal dinner theatre”, according to the band’s poster.

However, they looked nothing like a traditional five-piece metal band.

A deep black pegasus zebra, striped with purple instead of white with a matching purple bow in her mane, sat behind the drums. Her tail looked abnormally fluffy. Another, a red and white paint Earth pony played a wicked guitar and belted out mostly-cohesive tunes in amongst the clanking from all her black rings, her mane held back with a black headband. These two looked the most metal of anyone else on stage. A third, a pale-green Earth pony with ketchup-and-mustard hair, smiled idiotically from behind his bass. His white chest piece and white anklets destroyed his placement in the band. A pretty little freckle-faced sun-yellow unicorn keyboard-player with lavender hair highlighted with soft pink sang heavenly harmonized notes from behind her keyboard. She looked more the Katy Perry pop-princess type. The other guy was a white pegasus with black glasses and hooves and a mane and tail that looked caught in million-mile-an-hour winds, spiking out of everywhere away from his rump. He was playing guitar at cut-time rates compared to the rest of his crew.

We entered into the bar and realized there were only about three seats occupied. We ordered our meals. I ordered a cheese-heavy Pegasian salad with extra olives and light on the dressing. Derpy requested a daisy burger. Sitting there, and being fairly sensitive to musical imperfections, I began to pick out elements of their sound that were off. Individually, they appeared to be very gifted musicians. However, when combined, the only ones who made sense as a part of the band were the drummer and the guitarists.

That’s not to say the sound wasn’t interesting. It was as if Britney Spears had decided to suddenly become the front woman for Metallica, with Enya playing support vocals… a good example: Enter Toxman on Youtube, at least for the Britney Spears and Metallica part. This band, comparative to that video, sounded disjointed, off-key, and a little off-beat, especially as the drummer, who I overheard was named Boomdrop, got going. She transitioned from keeping tempo to doing her own thing, and from there the show dissolved into a chaotic mess of noise, confused keyboards, and… something of hideousness on the bass line I still cannot accurately describe without causing an aneurysm in my brain. Our accompaniment excused himself to stand outside the bar while we endured the assault.

Eventually, the band left the drummer and lead guitarist alone on-stage, frustrated with their independence from the sound they were trying to make. Only then did the show get any good. The drumming was spectacular. She did more whirly cymbal hits, quintuple-kicks, and hat plays than I’ve ever seen a drummer do, and she kept it up for the rest of our meal, playing to a symphony only she heard in her head, long with the red pony standing beside her, belting out something reminiscent of Thousand Foot Krutch’s “New Drug”.

When they finally stopped, we were the only ones in the shop – as in Derpy, myself, and Boomdrop. The red mare had exited the stage after several minutes to catch up with her friends. She was mortified, but from the look of her eyes as they dissolved into disappointment, this had happened to her before. Her back slumped as she slid off the stage with a look of grateful thanks that we, too, didn’t leave. I felt drawn to her, so I got up out of my seat and greeted her. She spoke with a thick Bronx-style accent.

“Thanks for staying,” she said.

I smiled. “No problem. I always appreciate a good drummer.”

She blushed. “What’s your name?”

“Zytharros. I hear you’re Boomdrop?”

She nodded. “That’s right.” She slumped again. “Boomdrop… the biggest failure of a musician ever.”

I brought her over to our table and ordered her some cider just as a mare I recognized as Octavia took the stage. She began to play her cello, clearly indignant that her audience had been driven away by the previous act with how she glared at the small dark mare.

Boomdrop continued. “How do I keep up with the rest of the band? I hear the music start, then all I can hear is a symphony as I play my part. Once I get going, I just don’t stop.”

“You’re not the biggest musical failure in history,” I said, attempting to cool her down.

Derpy nodded. “Yeah. You should hear me try to play an instrument some time. I usually break it.”

Boomdrop chuckled. “You can’t be that clumsy,” she said, passing on Derpy’s wandering eye as if it was nothing new and focussing her attention squarely on her good eye. “Instruments are hard to break.”

The wall-eyed pegasus looked relieved and a little bewildered to not have someone ask about or insult her eye at first sight. “I’m a lot more clumsy than you’d think…” she said. “I destroyed a town hall once… I’m still not sure how that happened.”

A cruel smile played across Boomdrop’s face. “That musta been some kinda cool… I wish I was there.”

“I hurt a friend doing it… It wasn’t cool at all,” Derpy mumbled.

Boomdrop’s cruel smile hadn’t left her. She was absorbed in… something I couldn’t quite figure out. Just as quickly, though, she dropped the smile.

“So… do you have a place to crash?” she asked. “My pad’s just down the road.”

I nodded. “We’re actually trying to find a way to get home.”

“Oh?” she asked.

“We were kicked out of our village, Ponyville, by a… something,” Derpy said, temporarily forgetting our common enemy.

I nodded. “It’s an evil force that’s taken over Ponyville and Canterlot. There’s a magic barrier preventing us from returning home, and we need a way to breach that barrier.”

“We have to see if our friends are alright,” Derpy said, getting a little more desperate. “The darkness in that magic dome has our friends trapped inside.”

Boomdrop listened intently, then leaned back from her cup.

“Ponyville, huh?” she asked.

We nodded.

Boomdrop smiled. “We ain’t toured there in ages,” she said excitedly. “I’m sure Razortongue would like to meet her old friend Fluttershy again. She keeps putting a hole in our schedule for this ‘Winter Wrap-Up Festival’ nonsense they hold, then disappears for a week.”

Derpy and I looked at each other solemnly. I grimaced. “We’ll have to get Fluttershy back before… Razortongue, is it...? can do anything with her.”

“Oh, right… evil capturing Ponyville and all that…” Boomdrop recalled. “Plus the fact I’m not on the best of terms with my band mates right now… This could be tougher than I thought.” She stomped her hoof. “That settles it. I’m going to make myself scarce from the band for a while to let them cool off.”

Derpy looked at her quizzically. “You’re their drummer, right?”

Boomdrop chuckled. “Last I checked…”

“I think you should let them know what you’re doing,” Derpy spoke. “They are your friends, after all.”

I nodded. “I’d rather see you leave the band for a while and have them kno-”

The door burst open, a terribly angry red-and-white paint mare standing in the door and puffing. She groaned. “Don’t fuckin’ bother… we just broke up.”

Our eyes shot over to the door. The mare approached our table, stomping and snorting. Boomdrop let out a gasp.

“Boomdrop, you won’t believe what the fuck just happened,” she said, walking over, her rings clanking as noisily as her language. “We finished the show, then we got into this fuckin’ huge shit-fest backstage… We’re finished. Canuck Chuck’s fuckin’ taken off, Keytap Sweethorn’s signed with a damn pop label, and that bastard Emerald Thunder stormed off alone after the show… They wouldn’t listen to a damn word I said…”

Boomdrop groaned. “Again, Razor!? That’s the fifth time this year…” She finished off the last word with a bit of a whine.

Derpy’s mouth dropped at Razortongue’s language. This was the first time she’d heard this kind of language. Nopony in Ponyville spoke like Razortongue. My ears were reeling a little too. It seemed there was a black spot in Equestria’s utopian visage… besides Crystal Fist herself, of course.

Razortongue seethed. “I was so fuckin’ sure we’d be hitting gold this year… We were so-o-o-o da-a-a-a-amn close!”

Boomdrop face-planted into the table. “Dashcore… our dream… it’s over?”

Razortongue stomped around and began bucking in ferocity, kicking over tables and chairs and generally making a mess of the restaurant, though she never touched the table or chair where Boomdrop sat. Derpy and I panicked as the shrapnel flew around all over the room, diving behind a table. The manager of the restaurant cowered from behind his bar in fear. Finally, after her ten minute temper tantrum, Razortongue cooled off. She looked around the restaurant, wide-eyed and embarrassed that she had obliterated all but two tables, three chairs, four bottles of miscellaneous beverages, a cash register, and a portrait of Princess Celestia on the only undamaged wall in the building.

“…Maybe we should… talk about this… outside…” she whispered, her temperament crashing into a Fluttershy-esque mode of fear.

So Boomdrop and Razortongue left the store. Derpy and I quickly followed. I looked back and threw a whole pile of bits at the manager.

“Hopefully this pays for the damage…” I said as I turned my attention to the three mares in front of me. We proceeded to the drummer’s house.

Twenty minutes of walking later, we arrived at Boomdrop’s sixth-floor studio apartment. It was small, containing just a purple bed, a black wood table, and a separate bathroom with a vanity that an amount of styling products that put most salons to shame. Let me put it another way: she had sixteen forty-bottle wine holders completely filled with extra-large bottles of different hair sprays, conditioners, shampoos, styling gels, combs, brushes, scissors… there was absolutely no hair health product that was missing.

“Oh,” she said as I stood with my mouth agape, noticing how stunned I was at this wall of hair products. “Those are for my tail.”

I must have frothed at the mouth a little… she looked at me concerned and waved a hoof in my face before just simply dragging me back into the main hall with her magic. I finally snapped out of my stupor, choosing to simply forget I had been in her bathroom.

That’s the only sane way to cope with seeing that amount of hair product… I thought, smiling. Yes… I had never been in there…

Razortongue laughed. “You, too?”

I smiled, my eye twitching. “What?”

“You walked into the Shrine of the Fuckin’ Tail, didn’t you?” she said, laughing again.

I imagined all those hair products falling over onto poor Boomdrop, but with magic, the pony commanding the hair products to rise up and attack everyone without a perfect tail… I shuddered.

Boomdrop glared at me. “It’s not that bad…” she said, a little insulted.

Razortongue laughed harder. “This pony’s killin’ me!! I wish I knew what he was thinking! I bet it’s hilarious!”

Derpy grew cross. “You don’t talk to my friend like that!” she demanded.

Razortongue shrieked in laughter. “The dumbass is going to tell me to stop insulting her friends? That’s ri…”

There was a sob from Derpy. I immediately forgot the bathroom, snapped out of my stupor, snapped Razortongue up with a levitation spell, upended her and slammed her into the ground hard. A shriek erupted from the shocked Earth pony.

“You do not call Derpy Hooves a dumbass… ever!” I said, an evil snarl contorting my words to gaseous black acid as I stomped towards her. “She is my friend, and she will be talked to with respect at all times. Consider my wife is disabled. I cannot and never will tolerate that kind of bullshit from anyone.”

Razortongue pissed herself. Seriously… I felt it on my foot. She shrank back and cowered.

“Sorry…”she said meekly. “D-Derp…”

I cooled down. Looking around, I saw a sad look of thankfulness from Derpy. Boomdrop shrunk back. I quickly glared at Razortongue again.

“You get over there and apologize your sorry butt off,” I muttered, pointing at Derpy. “She’s put up with enough of that… b-u-l-l-c-r-a-p… in her life. She doesn’t need you adding to it.”

Razortongue, puppy-dog-eyed, flipped into a Sweetie Belle-esque scoot belly slide, flopping herself in front of Derpy, who just proudly smiled a forgiving, tearful grin as she was profusely apologized to.

Suddenly, a knock at the door drew our attention. “Miss Boomdrop? Your rent’s due.”

Razortongue’s eyes bugged out. Boomdrop gestured to her frantically. The red pony shook her head and offered an apologetic bow. The purple pegasus facehoofed.

“Miss Boomdrop?” the voice asked again.

Boomdrop silently flipped out and began pacing. She was scheming how to fix… whatever mess she was in. Razortongue sighed, looking like she had let Boomdrop down in some way. We were about to find out how.

“Miss Boomdrop, this is the sixth month you’ve missed your rent payment,” the voice said scornfully. “If you do not pay tonight, we will be forced to evict you, effective immediately.”

Boomdrop froze, stunned, then collapsed onto her butt. She glared at Razortongue who felt the icy glare and slinked back. Boomdrop approached the door and opened it, revealing a mare with a pale green mane and tail and a deep brown coat… and a very Fran Drescher way of speaking.

“Aima Landgrabber…” she said anxiously. “If you would only let me have a couple weeks more-”

“I’ve let you have ten of those bloody ‘couple weeks more’…” Ms. Landgrabber snapped, clearly cross with her delinquent tenant. “If you don’t have the money, then move your shit elsewhere, you and your roommate both. I’ll be in 315, waiting to hear the lovely clank of bits through the damn mail slot.”

She closed the door as her landlord trotted down the hall. Boomdrop slowly and tearfully walked to her bedroom. Razortongue slouched over, fighting back tears.

Derpy and I looked at each other. Though no words were exchanged, we knew what we had to do.

“You girls could stay with us,” Derpy said.

Razortongue sniffled. “After what I did to you?”

I nodded. “Some things are more important than insults and aggravation. One of those is having a roof over your head.”

Boomdrop poked her head into the room. “Wait… you guys had a place to stay already?”

We nodded. Derpy answered her question, telling her about how we were staying in Canterdam Castle as official guests of Princess Celestia as we researched how to defeat an enemy that had banished us from Ponyville.

Razortongue frowned deeply. “My hometown…” she said, slipping into some small reminiscence I could only guess involved Fluttershy. “The one place in the world where I could let down my persona and feel… normal…”

She smiled, closing her eyes and recalling some unknown memory.

I smiled kindly. “Would you like to relive that memory?”

Boomdrop looked at me with a thousand questions in her eyes. Only one emerged. “What are you talking about, Zytharros?”

Razortongue closed her eyes. “I wish I could…”

I recalled Thousand Foot Krutch’s “This is a Call” and casted a spell like the one I had used with Rarity last time I was in Ponyville on Razortongue. Instantly, her memory appeared on the floor for all to see – and Razortongue, Boomdrop, and Derpy gasped in awe.

It opened with a sonic rainboom. She looked up at the sky, watching a race that would define the ages. She longed for the wings to fly, but could only dream, being born an Earth pony. Wonderbolts posters decorated her walls, but she had only seen them from afar, their fireworks and stunt displays viewed through a set of binoculars.

“We’ll see them one day, honey…”

That night. A young filly, snuggling in her mother’s arms. A black eye on her mother’s left side… the filly’s curiosity… what happened to mommy?

A jump of one year ended with her body flung against a wall… her dad storming out… her mom crying and screaming at the doorway… a fight that ended badly… and her mom in hospital for weeks. She pulled out her ponytail, chopped off her long mane and donned her trademark black headband that day.

Flash forward three years. She was the only pony in her class without a cutie mark, and she had no friends. She ran away from school, winding up outside Fluttershy’s cottage. She stared down at her reflection in the water, contemplating suicide. A hoof press on her shoulder.

Teary-eyed, she turned to see a yellow pegasus hovering in front of her… an animated conversation… a lost, timid pony crying…

Another year passes and Mother dies. This was a very black memory, one that weighed down every heart in the room. Her devil-may-care attitude developed then, as did most of her vocabulary. Constant, profanity-filled fights with Fluttershy. Running away and spending three lonely weeks in the Everfree Forest, finally being found by the one mare who cared to look.

Then…

Razortongue, forgiven and adopted by Fluttershy… and waking up animals on Fluttershy’s fifth Ponyville Winter Wrap Up… her very first…

The memory at the end of that dream sequence, the hug she received from Fluttershy for helping… it shone with so much warmth I still tear up as I remember it. She had never experienced a hug until that day, and it changed everything. She finally had a place of acceptance, a place where she belonged.

The memories faded away as the song finished, all four minutes of it.

Razortongue blushed. “I didn’t mean to show that much of my past…”

“It’s okay,” Derpy said, smiling. “I know why you insulted me now.”

Derpy offered an embrace to Razortongue, but she smiled kindly.

“If it’s all the same, a hoof-shake will do,” she said. “Don’t wanna get all sappy now…”

Derpy and Razortongue shook hooves and smiled. A few seconds of silence passed as we revelled in the moment… but not all moments last forever.

Boomdrop sighed. “We better get moving. She’s gonna want to see this place cleared up.”

“Zytharros,” Razortongue began, getting a scheme in her eyes. “Can you do the ba-”

I glared at her, interrupting her sentence. “I’m not packing up that bathroom! She can do that herself!”

The three girls laughed as we began packing. I asked Derpy if she would mind resuming her mailmare role and delivering parcels to the two vacant rooms still in the castle instead of packing. We both understood this to be the best course of action, though Derpy did need to be reminded of why this was the case.

We spent the rest of the evening moving Boomdrop and Razortongue’s stuff into our castle, retiring to bed shortly after moving. Derpy and Boomdrop were first to bed. Just as I settled into bed myself, Razortongue cracked the door to my room open a little.

“Oh, hey, Raze,” I said, a little surprised.

She smiled, then walked into my room.

“I just wanted to say… thank you,” she said. “For corralling my fuckin’ temper, I mean. Celestia knows I need it.”

I smiled. “You’re welcome.”

“So, what’s your story?” she asked.

I wasn’t sure how to answer. I hadn’t known her long enough to trust her and I wasn’t sure how important she would be to our mission, so I said, “If it’s all the same, I’ll… tell you at a later date.”

She frowned. “Why?”

I hated dishonesty… It always left a mealy taste in my mouth. “I…”

But I didn’t have to be dishonest.

“If you don’t want to fuckin’ tell me, that’s okay,” Razortongue said, smiling. “I still don’t fuckin’ know Boomdrop’s story and she’s been my friend since I left Ponyville two fuckin’ years ago. All I know is she’s from the shit-holes of Manehattan and had to kick some asses to get out of there.”

I nodded anther thank you to her and asked, “What brings you to my bedside?”

She bit her lip. “Is Fluttershy okay? What’s happening in Ponyville?”

I recalled the first adventure I had in Equestria, then told her what happened this time and what Derpy and I had discovered about our enemy Crystal Fist just last night.

Razortongue grew furious. “That little son of a bitch… she hurt Fluttershy.” She looked at me, serious and unrelenting in her decision. “I’m coming with you when you return to Ponyville. That fucker just messed with the wrong fuckin’ pony.”

I nodded in confirmation. “Then you’ll need to know my origin… but keep it in our group.”

She listened intently as I called forth memories of my life on Earth to support my story as a human come to Equestria at the behest of Her Majesty Princess Celestia. I also told her that I have already been penetrated by our enemy and will slowly deteriorate to a shadow over time, like Fluttershy had already done.

“This bitch is badass…” Razortongue commented in amazement. “Nothing to fuck around with.”

“Not in the least,” I said. “She’ll take you over if you’re not aware of yourself.”

“I’m not sure if I can sleep now,” she said, looking outside the door.

I nodded to the same door she looked at. “If you want, you can back out now and leave. If you still want to be involved but can’t sleep, the library is that way. Regardless, if you find you can sleep, then go ahead.”

Razortongue thought for a second, then shook her head. “If I were to fuckin’ walk away now, I couldn’t call myself the toughest badass in Fillydelphia anymore. I’d have to let you have that shit, and I can’t stand being second-toughest badass.” She stood. “No. This Crystal Fist bitch will not get the best of Razortongue.”

She left the room. “I’m off to read some fuckin’ books.”

I chuckled to myself. She was an entertainer in the biggest sense of the word. That was clear.

I settled down in bed, happy to have one more confirmed traveling partner.

My head began ticking quietly as I fell asleep.

Tick…

Of Alicorns and Belles

Razortongue took to the streets of Fillydelphia. I took to the sky. I kept a line of telepathy open between us so we could tell each other when we had spotted her friends, the shattered pieces of Dashcore. We brought four guards along with us and sent them out to gather Dashcore. Only Razortongue knew where they would likely be.

“Emerald Thunder’s probably fucked off to a field somewhere,” she said. “Canuck Chuck’ll be by a race track or some shit like that. Keytap… well, we probably should just fuckin’ forget about her. The label’s probably got her ass fucking off on some tour.”

“Do you know what label she signed with?” I asked.

The telepathy line fell silent as Razortongue thought for a second. “Fuck if I know. It was one of those cheesy-ass pop labels. Shit like Pinkie Pie’s Smile song gets put on those… Celestia, that damn song annoys the ever-fuckin’ shit outta my ass… I think it was Cherry Music or some shit.”

I nodded to myself. “I’ll search for Canuck Chuck. You find Keytap.”

“Fuckin’ right,” she said. “He usually hangs out at the fuckin’ Fillydelphia Derby track where the Wonderbolts practice their stunts.”

“Where’s that?” I asked.

“Third fuckin’ Circle District,” Razortongue directed. “Down on the corner of Leon and fuckin’ Corbould.”

I flew near the third wall, landing near a newsstand.

“Excuse me, sir,” I said to the news dealer, approaching timidly.

“Whatcha want?” he demanded. “I’m readin’ Playcolt here.”

“I just want a map of Fillydelphia,” I said.

He pointed a hoof to the right. “There, beside those shit magazines that never sell.”

I paid him and took off into the sky with my map. To orient myself, I flew to the nearest corner. Opening up the map and scanning it, I found I was in the Second Circle District, on the corner of Burrard Boulevard and Chippendale Avenue. I took off into the sky, landed on a roof, and oriented myself along with my map until I created a direct line between me and my destination – the Fillydelphia Derby track, at which point I took off, flying for the stadium.

I was confirmed in my direction by seeing a fireworks display in the sky. Soon, a uniformed team of athletes danced their airborne acrobatics for a while before descending, leaving the air space undisturbed for a little while, then repeating the process over again. A strange blue streak, abnormal to their routine, whirled around them like a twisted tornado. This was done five times before I arrived.

These were, of course, the famous Wonderbolts… but I held no personal attraction to the team. Sure, Spitfire had a cool colour combination, but aerial acrobatics were something I had seen several times before at the Abbotsford Air Show, and as such didn’t wow me. However, among them, I saw a young alicorn. As I got closer, I could see that he was white, with a mane and tail that looked like it was made of ice. He flashed around the Wonderbolts, leaving long trails of crystalline light behind. He was clearly smaller than they – in fact, I would have been surprised if he had exceeded Apple Bloom’s bow in height.

Eventually, I heard an agitated scream that sounded like its origin was from Spitfire.

“Okay, Canuck Chuck, get off our court!” she bellowed, clearly agitated. “We don’t care if you can fly for most of the year! Geez! Get off our case!”

I arrived just as Canuck Chuck rambled something so fast it made Blur of the original-series Transformers seem like a slow speaker. I surmised this kid had been harassing the Wonderbolts for a while now. I landed just behind the daring flight squadron.

“Look, kid,” Spitfire said. I could now identify her by face and voice. “You’re really nice and all, but we can’t understand a thing you’re saying. Just slow down and tell us.”

I couldn’t tell if Canuck Chuck slowed down or sped up… The colt’s speech speed was indecipherable now, and accompanied by a whackload of animated movements, darting eyes, and something that resembled that “suck it” motion my peers did when I was in high school – simultaneously lightly karate-chopping one’s hands on either side of one’s groin… but I’m sure that’s not what he meant. However, Spitfire took it exactly as it had looked and screamed. The other Wonderbolts stepped in to protect their teammate.

Canuck Chuck dropped his wings, curled his ears back, and began to walk away slowly. He muttered something else, then took off into the sky. I leapt into the air after him, attempting to chase him down. I took off after him, surprising the Wonderbolts by how close I came to Soarin’s black mane. I felt some of his mane brush my left hind hoof.

For several minutes, I followed him. I followed him around the majority of Fillydelphia, but eventually had to land out of exhaustion on top of a nearby building. He kept flying. It was then I realized he was simply on a continual, left-turn bank, circling above the Fillydelphia Derby track in a “lazy”, half-mach arc. I caught sight of his cutie mark – the logo of the Vancouver Canucks hockey club – in the same blue as his hair.

I was thoroughly confused as to how a colt would have earned that kind of cutie mark here.

Soon, Canuck Chuck spotted me watching him and circled down to my level. His greeting sounded like a muffled, mumbled “haiaozigonimcanuchuare”.

I just stared at him blankly. He took a breath and brought himself back to a semi-understandable speed.

“Hi’m Canuchuck,” he said, still speaking in a mashup of words. “Hahzigoin’?”

I made out the meaning of his statement at that point, introducing myself before continuing. “I’m doing well. I saw you had a nasty spat with Spitfire there.”

The hockey-flanked pony sat on the rooftop. He frowned. “Iwanaginthunderbuttheynunderstanme…” He then mumbled something even less cohesive at his natural speed.

I communicated with Razortongue via telepathy.

“How do you talk with someone who talks so fast?”

She came back online with a chuckle. “You found Chuck, didn’t you?”

I replied, “Yup. Exactly where you said. He was bothering the Wonderbolts.”

She thought for a second, then said, “Get him to fuckin’ speak with you telepathically or something. You both got crazy magical shit going on, don’t’cha?”

I decided to go with it. “Chuck?”

He looked at me, muttering the fastest “what?” I’d ever heard.

“Do you mind if we talk telepathically? Maybe that would help,” I suggested.

He nodded. Both our horns flared up. Soon we shared a telepathic link.

“Can you understand me now?” he asked. The speaking itself was still blindingly fast, but I could finally translate.

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’m not very good with words. I’ve lived my entire life at Mach 1. I guess eventually you speak as you live.”

I stalled a little, wondering what to ask next. I knew Dashcore had broken up, so the wounds from the fight would be fresh. I had to handle this delicately. I decided to go for some general questions before hitting him with the ‘Big One’.

“So, where do you come from?” I asked.

“Soaronto, north of Equestria,” he said. “My family moved to Equestria to let me follow the Wonderbolts more closely. You?”

I replied with the same reply as any other time I had met an unfamiliar pony. “I was born and raised in Appleford. Never really left the town until recently.”

“Appleford? Isn’t that near here?” he asked.

I was caught off-guard. I quickly disconnected with Canuck Chuck and contacted Razortongue again.

I asked anxiously, “Where’s Appleford again?”

“It’s about three hours away from Manehattan, damn well due north,” Razortongue informed with a chuckle. “What, he fuckin’ ask you if it was near Fillydelphia?”

I ha-ha-ha’d as she laughed, disconnecting from her and reconnecting with Canuck Chuck again.

“It’s-” I began.

“Three hours from Manehattan…” he deadpanned, eyeing me warily. “Okay, you liar. Where do you really come from? And don’t lie again. I know where every little town in Equestria is.”

I nervously gulped and dropped on my butt as Canuck Chuck stepped towards me. I sighed and looked at him sorrowfully.

“Okay, okay…” I said reluctantly. “But you can’t tell this to anyone.”

“Why not?” he asked.

I felt a sense of déjà vu as I tried to convince Canuck Chuck exactly why he shouldn’t tell anyone. It was a literal pantomime – identical motions, emotions, everything – of my first meeting with Rainbow Dash: the brief discussion of my origin, the lying-down to show my non-hostility in the face of his, the whisper confirming if I was telling the truth. Eventually, though the icy colt agreed. I repeated the same sequence I had with Razortongue, showing him my life on Earth and describing why I lied. I even went into my conversation with the red and white Earth pony about trying to get back into Ponyville to fight off Crystal Fist.

Canuck Chuck frowned. “If I never see that red horse apple again it’ll be too soon…” he muttered. “If she’s going to get me on board, she’ll have to apologize herself.”

“She’s ready to do that,” I said.

He glared at me. “Is she, now?” he hissed rhetorically. “Look, if you can prove to me she’s ready to apologize, I’ll concede. Until then,” he said, taking off, “I’m going to be flying around town. Meet me back here in three hours with Razortongue – and she better be begging for forgiveness and drowning in a sea of tears.”

My jaw dropped as he took off. It was hard enough to get her to cry on a normal day. For her to beg forgiveness like that… it was almost impossible to envision. I desperately tried another angle.

“What if I told you that you could save Rainbow Dash?” I shouted.

Canuck Chuck stopped and turned. His horn glowed again. “What’s this about Rainbow Dash?”

“Come back down here and I’ll tell you,” I said.

So he returned to my rooftop. I could tell with how he wrapped his voice around her name that he respected her… nay, even had a crush on her. The look on his face was fierce and curious.

“How can I save Rainbow?” he asked.

I replied, “She’s held captive in Ponyville by Crystal Fist. We need a way to get in so we can save them. If Dashcore gets back together and announces a show or two in Ponyville and Canterlot, you will probably be able to get past the barrier blocking the town. We can then find her and save her somehow from Crystal Fist’s shadow magic. She’s also got some motivation to apologize – her best friend in the universe is also trapped behind that portal. Fluttershy is in the same predicament as Rainbow, and last I talked to her, Razor was determined not to let our enemy get the best of her.”

Canuck Chuck thought for a second. “There may be a chance, then… Razor’s always been the type to work best when motivated by her friendships.”

“And what about Boomdrop?” I asked. “Any problems with her?”

Canuck Chuck thought about her for a second. “Y’know, I’ve never given her much of a thought. She doesn’t normally say a lot… she just plays a wicked set of drums and occasionally pranks people. Nopony really knows a lot about her.”

So Boomdrop doesn’t sound like a problem pony, I thought. She seems stable.

“So, will you help?” I asked.

Canuck Chuck nodded. “I’ll head over to Boomdrop’s apartment and talk with them.”

Just before he took off, I stopped him by magically grabbing his tail. “Whoa, nelly. Don’t bother going to her apartment. We’re staying in Canterdam Castle now.”

“What happened?” Canuck Chuck asked.

I lowered my head in sadness. “Boomdrop lost her house last night.”

The winter-toned alicorn’s countenance dropped. “She was really worried about that when we last talked... She finally lost it. Razortongue… I really wish you would pay your debts…” he said to himself, groaning. “She’s done this every month since she moved in with Boomdrop to help with rent. She may be reliable with work, but she refuses to pay ‘the Man’, as she calls anyone who collects on debts, believing them all to be working for the ‘evil real’ government that controls the minds of the Princesses.”

“A conspiracy theorist,” I summarized as we took off for Canterdam Castle.

Canuck Chuck nodded. “That’s part of what put so much strain on the band. We would book dates, but never be able to deliver on our debts because we – er, she, would wind up trashing every place we played. That bar you saw us at was one of the last available venues for us to play at in the whole city. We’ll have to move elsewhere to play anywhere now.”

“Damn,” I said, expressing my sympathetic disapproval. “What else is wrong with Dashcore?”

Canuck Chuck thought again for a minute. “Keytap’s a great singer, but she’s a terrible writer. Razortongue’s a great screamer, but she can’t sing.”

I chuckled, remembering Razortongue kind of… vocal-tone rapping… their verses at the show while Keytap sang. I had already forgotten the poppy, canned, forgettable lyrics – something that normally didn’t happen when I listened to music. I noted our course was a little off, so I adjusted my trajectory a little to the left. Chuck followed suit.

“It was something that could’ve sounded crazy with auto-tune,” I suggested.

My ice-haired flight partner scoffed loudly at the thought. “You couldn’t pay me the money to be a part of a band that used such a ridiculous idea. No-talent hacks use that to fake having talent.”

“Makes voices sound cool…” I said.

I knew I was on the losing end of the argument. I had never argued the devil’s advocate side of my own beliefs well, and in reality I had – and still have – no desire to begin to start. To do so was tantamount to betrayal in my mind.

But he surprised me. “I’ll admit, in small doses, yes. Those that use it as it’s supposed to be used for… as an effect… that’s damn sexy. But those that use it for whole songs!? Talentless hacks. End-of-story.”

Our conversation was interrupted by a telepathic message from Razortongue. I had entirely forgotten I had kept that spell on. Only then did I notice that it was beginning to wear on my energy level.

“Okay. I got Emerald Thunder to fuckin’ join us, but Keytap’s fucked off to parts unknown. She’s on tour somewhere, trying to make a damn shitload of a name for herself in the fuckin’ pop industry.”

“Good. I’ll meet you back at the castle, then. I’ve got Chuck with me, and this spell’s starting to wear badly on my energy.”

“Ten fuckin’ four,” Razortongue acknowledged. “Razortongue is now shit outta your ass. See ya at the damn castle!” The last sentence was broken in three pieces by a loud laugh.

Canuck Chuck and I nearly collapsed from the sky in laughter as I let the spell fade to nothing, taken both in shock and surprise, yet discordantly unsurprised in the least, at Razortongue’s militaristic take on the second line. I shook my head with a semi-shocked smile on my muzzle.

“Did she just say that?!” I asked Canuck Chuck.

Still laughing, he nodded. After a few seconds of silence, we both cracked up again.

“So, what’s got you wanting to rescue Rainbow?” I asked.

Canuck Chuck looked at his flank. “She gave me my cutie mark.”

I tipped my head to one side in confusion. “How? That logo’s from my world – my favourite hockey team, as a matter of fact.”

“When I was moving to Fillydelphia as a kid with my parents, we were suddenly struck by a massive array of colours, which I found out later was the legendary Rainbow Dash’s first sonic rainboom. Unfortunately, we were close enough when it went off that we were caught in the blast. My horn started glowing wildly and began receiving radio broadcasts from Earth,” he explained. “I found the Vancouver Canucks through radio waves, becoming a fast fan. I’ve been listening to them ever since. I probably know more about them than I do my guitar, Zytharros. You’re into the 2013-2014 season, if I’m not mistaken?”

I nodded, looking at him funny. This completely threw out any theory I had previously made on dimensional travel. Magic itself apparently acted erratically as it crossed the dimensional barrier, acting independent of time, space and location to achieve the intended goal. Twilight and I would have to discuss his magic and add our findings to our theories at a later date… provided we were able to save them.

Suddenly, we passed over a wall. I looked down and saw Canterdam Castle directly below us. I quickly directed him downward before pulling an over-the-back loop-the-loop and diving straight for the earth. Canuck Chuck cloned my movements and we tandem-dived right for the castle. I aimed myself for one of the dining room windows, while Canuck Chuck opted to pull a tight, hard 360-degree bank, make it through the window, and barrel-roll straight into Boomdrop, who was setting the table for lunch. The Cutie Mark Crusaders, Derpy Hooves, Razortongue and Emerald Thunder, his cheesy perma-grin still present, watched the icy alicorn and black and purple pega-zebra tumble head-over-heels into a set of pegasus armor on the other side of the room. Slowly, they righted themselves and brushed off any debris from their fall.

“Sorry, Boomer,” Canuck Chuck apologized.

Boomdrop frowned. “That’s the six-hundred-ninety-fourth time you’ve done that since I’ve known you. I’m surprised I haven’t broken a bone yet!”

Canuck Chuck looked sheepish as the larger mare scowled and tried to work the resulting pain out of her body. She chuckled.

“Wasn’t a bad set of stunts, though,” she said, smiling.

The icy colt blushed. “It’s… no Rainbow Dash…” he audibly admitted in a surprisingly normal speed of speech.

“Whatever,” she said, waving him off. “I’m going to go get the cook to get us our lunch.”

She exited stage kitchen. Canuck Chuck and I took our seats at the table. Scootaloo was eyeing our new guest with the sort of admiration she usually left for Rainbow Dash or the Wonderbolts.

“How did you get your mane and tail to stay like that?!” the filly exclaimed.

Canuck Chuck smiled, telepathically speaking to the young ochre pegasus but allowing us all in on the conversation. “Live your life at Mach 1.”

Scootaloo looked at him funny. “What does that mean?”

He continued smiling. “Have you ever heard of the pony who logged two full years of straight flight without ever setting foot on the ground?”

“Two years!!” the filly pegasus declared. “That’s impossible!”

Canuck Chuck chuckled. “Next time you have Equestria’ record book in front of you, look under ‘longest time spent in the air’. That’s me. Rainbow’s got me bested at speed. That I won’t argue. However, I am the world’s best endurance pony, period.”

“What about the Wonderbolts?” Scootaloo asked. “Some of them log thousands of hours a year in the air.”

“No, kid…” the ice alicorn corrected. “I log six hundred in a single month. I log so many hours in the air, I often sleep while flying. I’ve done fifty complete laps of the entire country of Equestria in a row without breaking a sweat. I know this country’s layout of cities, towns, barnyards and famous landmarks as if I was looking at my own flank.”

Boomdrop confirmed this with a nod of her head. “He knows Equestria better than anypony I know, even Princess Celestia.”
Razortongue hummed her confirmation. “This fucker’s got more hours in the damn air than any two of the Wonderbolts combined. I should know – I’ve been a fuckin’ lifelong Wonderbolts fan myself. Even the fuckin’ record-holder for the Wonderbolts, Robin Longflight, could barely do two laps of Equestria in a row.”

Derpy covered her ears. “Razortongue!” she shouted, clearly still offended at the language.

“Oh, sorry…” the Earth pony said, slapping a hoof over her own mouth.

At this, Canuck Chuck burst out laughing hysterically. “You got… Raz-zort-tongue t-to…”

I nodded. “Derpy didn’t like her language.”

Canuck Chuck looked at the wall-eyed pegasus. Derpy shrank back, expecting a barrage of taunts. All she saw was confusion.

“Why’s your eye like that?” he asked her.

Derpy’s demeanor dropped. “I was born with it, okay?” She again braced for the inevitable insults, but was surprised when none came.

“Oh,” was all he said.

His stomach growled just as Boomdrop came out with several dishes. Canuck Chuck put himself beside Derpy very purposefully as we gathered around the table. Her mood became confused, then a little…

Wait… was Derpy… crushing on Canuck Chuck?

Her cheeks flushed a slightly darker shade of gray as he began talking with her. I chuckled as I sat between Sweetie Belle and Razortongue. Emerald Thunder sat by Scootaloo, who flanked Canuck Chuck. Apple Bloom tailed Boomdrop to the seat beside Sweetie Belle.

As we settled into dinner, miscellaneous conversations popped up… Apple Bloom asking Boomdrop about her “weird hi-hat cutie mark”, Razortongue and Emerald Thunder reconciling, Canuck Chuck and Scootaloo discussing different Wonderbolt routines… The one that struck me the most was the one Sweetie Belle was going to engage me in, though.

She finished the smallish amount of food on her plate and sat back, thinking long and hard. It was unlike her to focus so much on whatever was crawling around in that little horn of hers, ignoring her Crusader friends.

“Zytharros,” she suddenly called.

I sucked back a forkful of spaghetti. “What’s up, Sweetie Belle?”

“How do you know what your talent is?” she asked. “It’s been bothering me for a while now. I mean, Rainbow Dash said that you should try everything you can, and eventually it will come. Twilight said we should look at things we’re already good at. How do you know where to look?”

I smiled. Putting my food down, I said, “Come with me.”

We left the table, walking down a hallway to the small section of castle gardens that was kept in the middle of the castle.

“When I was little, I had no idea what I was supposed to do with my life,” I said. “I wanted to be a hockey player, a martial arts master, a game designer, a comic book artist, a writer, a musician, a Pokémon trainer, and a ‘thinker’. My dedication to each of these was eventually tested, and only the writer part lasted.” I paused to smell a flower, letting a playful smile escape my lips. “In fact, as a teen, I embraced not only my writing talent, but was also led to believe I could sing – and sing well – by an adult I respected at the time. I was terribly nervous and scared to show off my talent, but over time and with enough encouragement I embraced it.”

“Your voice was amazing, Zytharros,” Sweetie Belle complimented. “I wish I could sing like that…”

Unfortunately, my magic was worn out for the evening. Otherwise, I would’ve portrayed her singing “Hush Now” and a rough draft of the “Cutie Mark Crusaders” theme. I decided I would goad out her singing.

“Would you sing the Cutie Mark Crusaders theme for me?” I asked.

She looked around nervously, making sure it was just me and her, then quietly started into her rendition. I could tell her level of nervousness as she began the song, but as she grew more comfortable, the little filly’s voice rose from her as if she was holding her own private concert. I smiled. I always liked seeing kids put their best foot forward in singing. However, her pitch, tone, and timbre quality was unmatched by any kid I had heard until that point. I lost myself in the song, closing my eyes and letting her voice run through me, generating images of a stunned crowd at the Ponyville talent show as the Cutie Mark Crusaders claimed top honours for their performance. A smile crept across my face.

Eventually, the song finished. The first word I heard was…

“Sorry…”

I opened my eyes to see a nervous white, purple and pink filly looking at me sadly. I leaned down and looked at her right in the eyes.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” I said. “That was some of the best singing I’ve heard from someone your age.”

“Really!?” Sweetie Belle said, ecstatic with joy.

I nodded, smiling as the filly nuzzled my leg. “You have a gift there,” I said. “Nurture it.”

“But…” she suddenly got so serious and nervous I couldn’t help but chuckle inwardly. “What if people don’t like my singing?”

I shrugged. “You can’t control how everyone’s going to respond. Some will like you, some will hate you, and some won’t care. Such is the curse of public opinion.”

“But what if I get nervous and-” I gently put a hoof to her lips.

“Sweetie Belle, every performer gets nervous,” I said. “The trick isn’t getting over the nervousness, but learning how your mind best deals with nervousness until you get comfortable on-stage. That’s something that comes over time.” I let my hoof down. “For myself, it was simply fading into the song that did the trick. You’ll have a different way of dealing than I will, though.”

Noticing a small flash on her rear, I flicked her flank with my tail. “Until then, enjoy what you’ve got and practice, practice, practice. With enough effort, you’ll go far, kid.”

She looked at her flank. A cordless microphone exuding two eighth-notes had appeared on it. She screamed in total ecstasy and blasted past me to her friends in the other room. I trotted down and sat at the table, but was soon swarmed by the three fillies giving me thanks and asking me to help them with their marks. I laughed and simply told them it would come in time. I already had inklings as to what they were, but I would let them try and figure it out for themselves.

“That’s the joy of childhood,” I mumbled to myself as the girls trotted off to listen to Sweetie Belle’s immaculate voice.

A Lesson in Kickassery 101

We stayed in Fillydelphia one more day, but having discovered all we could about the Elements of Harmony and their Guardians in Canterdam Castle we decided to set out back for home in two days’ time. The day before we were to leave, I awoke to Sweetie Belle tucked away under my wing, smiling away. She had really taken a shine to me since I helped her get her cutie mark, humming the day away yesterday as we worked our butts off to discover more about Crystal Fist, the Elements of Harmony, or anything having to do with dimensional travel. Since I had already been assigned the Humility bit, the other eight – Razortongue, Emerald Thunder, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, Canuck Chuck, Boomdrop, Derpy, and Scootaloo – had to contain the remaining six Guardians. Razortongue wasn’t willing to accept fillies as a part of the legend, automatically assuming Keytap to be the sixth, but I had learned long ago not to doubt the strength of a child in crisis. I was fully open to the possibility of Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and/or Sweetie Belle being just as important to this mission as any of the elder ponies.

We had calculated that even keeping a good pace, it would take us ten days to walk from Fillydelphia to Ponyville, four of which would be spent traversing the dread Everfree Forest. At first, the Cutie Mark Crusaders had quite a bit of objection to the journey, but eventually they were brought around to realize it was the only way to rescue their beloved families.

We prepared a lot that final day. The cooks whipped up a storm of grain cereals, water containers, and various other kinds of fruits and vegetables. Apple Bloom, Razortongue and Canuck Chuck began construction of two carts to haul all of our goods, which Emerald Thunder and Razortongue would be pulling. Sweetie Belle, Boomdrop and Scootaloo worked at cleaning up the castle with the hired hands. Emerald Thunder, Derpy and I went around town to fetch whatever supplies were needed. Unfortunately, due to Derpy’s klutzacious tendencies, we lost two fridges, a bunch of carrots, some peas, a couple cases of juice, and eleven different bags of oats, but in the end we didn’t mind. Everything otherwise went well and we all crashed in bed early that day, anxiously awaiting the journey back home which would begin tomorrow.

However, about midnight, I woke up to some light hoof-clops and a creaking door. Since Razortongue’s room was on one side of mine and Sweetie Belle slept on the other, though as I sat up I noticed the filly had once again taken residence in my room, this time on a couch that bore a striking resemblance to Rarity’s, I gathered whoever was up wanted to see Razortongue.

Soon, a coltish filly’s voice mumbled something, and Razortongue joined in. I knew eavesdropping was a bad habit, but I wanted to know what they were talking about. I created a telepathic link between myself and the two of them to listen in.

“-my cutie mark?” Scootaloo asked.

I had missed the start, but I could still gather what they were talking about.

Razortongue chuckled. “Filly, you ain’t got no fuckin’ worries about eventually finding your damn cutie mark. I can help with some things, though. I noticed you were pulling some sweet shit on that scooter of yours. Damn, if I could do some of that stuff, I’d be rockin’ the fuckin’ stunt circuit by now instead of playing in a fuckin’ dead-end band. I could build you a fuckin’ half-pipe if you like. We have room in one of the damn carts for the shit we’d need to build it, so I could even make it fuckin’ portable and stable.”

“But I want to find my cutie mark!” the ochre filly exclaimed. “I don’t want to play with my scooter.”

The firebrand Earth pony spoke again. “Sometimes your fuckin’ cutie mark’s eluding you because you haven’t done the shit you need to yet. Other times it’s slapping you right across the damn face and screaming, ‘Holy fuck, you crazy bitch! Why the hell aren’t you paying enough damn attention to notice me?’ I think in your case it’s the second type of cutie mark. Same with Apple Bloom, the way she took over that damn cart-building project yesterday. Seems like she fuckin’ lives to build shit.”

After a few seconds of silence, Scootaloo replied. “So, you think my scooter is my calling?”

“You can eat my fuckin’ shorts if it’s not,” Razortongue said. “I’ve watched you a couple times as you practice on that thing. It’s almost like its fuckin’ glued to your blasted hooves!”

Scootaloo’s voice brightened. “Okay. Can you build that half-pipe for me? I want to try it out.”

I didn’t need to hear the rest of the conversation. I relaxed my magic and let the spell fade to nothing. I knew what was coming, and smiled as I attempted to slip into slumber.

But I couldn’t.

I grumbled a bit before cooperating with my restless mind and getting up to walk out. I checked up on Sweetie Belle and found her to still be asleep. I jotted a quick note, saying I would be flying around and tacked it to the door. I cracked open a window. The chilly night air swept across my body, layering me in a few quick, invigorating shivers and erasing the agitation I had experienced just moments before. Taking a deep breath, I plunged into the blackness, catching an updraft on my wings and soaring into the sky, ‘running’ up a nearby wall and leaping into the pool of stars. I looped back and closed the window before disappearing into the black void.

The light of the sun was just beginning to show itself over the edge of the horizon. The air was still fresh with morning dew, which I transformed into a trail of thin clouds as I brushed by. I was simply circling near the castle, enjoying the rising of the sun, despite the ever-present threat of overcast skies. I tucked myself into a forwards somersault, then banked and barrel-rolled, popping a cloud that had crept into my path.

Soon, I was joined by the flapping of other wings. I looked up and to my left as Boomdrop gracefully floated down to my level. We offered some morning greetings to each other as we continued on a lazy figure-eight flight pattern over Fillydelphia.

“Well, today we leave this city,” I said.

Boomdrop nodded. “I’m excited to head off to Ponyville,” she said with a slight smirk. “I’ve never been in the valley beyond Everfree.”

“Oh?” I asked. “You’re going to see a gorgeous little town.”

“I hear it’s a town where you can see Canterlot from,” she said. “I always wanted to go to Canterlot, but my mom would never take me there. We never did have the money.”

I banked and she followed suit. “I’ve asked everyone else about your background, but not many people know about it. What’s your story, anyway?”

Boomdrop looked down at the castle below, then straight forward. “I was born in the dregs of Manehattan to an alcoholic prostitute. I was abandoned to find my own way when I was just seven years old. I wound up joining a gang of militaristic pegasi called ‘Black Silver’, becoming their best hitman. My codename was ‘Purple Ghost’ – named because I could swoop down from the sky, snap a neck, and take off without being caught, even in broad daylight. With my help, Black Silver quickly rose to dominance among the gangs of Manehattan, even expanding to chapters in Fillydelphia and Baltimare.
Around this time, I was the head of the Manehattan chapter, while my boss moved to head up the fledgling division in Baltimare. I bucked up an operation so badly that Manehattan’s Black Silver wanted my head. I heard that Fillydelphia had recently cleaned out Black Silver from its’ city, so I fled here. I met Razortongue, found the drums, and have lived here in silence ever since.

My actual name isn’t Boomdrop. That’s my stage name. It’s-”

Suddenly, the air was peppered with flying magic waves.

“Oh, shit…” Boomdrop said. “They’ve found me.”

“We can’t stay here any longer,” I said. “We have to leave now.”

“You fly to the castle and get everyone out,” Boomdrop ordered. “I’ll follow when I’ve dealt with these guys.”

I wasn’t sure if she could as she let out a resigning sigh. The last comment I heard from her was, “Death, why do you torment me?” as I flew away.

I broke the window in my room, shocking Sweetie Belle awake.

“Sweets, sorry, but we’ve gotta get out of here now,” I said, levitating the unicorn and kicking the door down. I bellowed, “Everyone, up and at ‘em!” just as the castle was struck with a large, violent magic ball.

The building shuddered. Within seconds, every pony in the castle scrambled to the library.

“What’s goin’ on?!” Apple Bloom nervously asked. “The earth jus’ shook!”

I looked at Razortongue, mortified. “Boomdrop told me her history.”

She stared at me bug-eyed. “What!? We’ve been fu-”

Another massive blast hit the castle, destroying the room where Sweetie Belle and I had been sleeping just minutes before. Explanations would have to wait – we quickly gathered what we could, hitching up the Earth ponies, and took off away from the castle and dodging magic blasts along the way.

Razortongue shouted, “What the fucking hell is going on!?”

I called back, “Boomdrop’s old gang in Manehattan wants her dead.”

We quickly dodged several blasts. Scootaloo was buzzing along on her scooter when the earth blew up just under her. Thinking quickly, she deflected three remaining blasts at pegasus-mounted unicorns by corkscrewing the handle of her scooter in midair, knocking them from the sky. She landed after doing a little backflip. We dodged their bodies and continued on our trek, winding our way out of Fillydelphia. A brief moment in time allowed for Razortongue to continue her questioning.

“What… the fuck… was she… doing in a bloody gang?” she asked, still running but very obviously out of breath.

“She had no home,” I relayed. “She had hoped to come here to esc-oh, scheiße!”

The ground rapidly blew up in front of us like machine gun fire. Part of a cart was blown through. Razortongue screeched. We ran underneath the Second Wall. We needed to find a place to hide, beyond the reach of unicorn magic and pegasus wing, a place where we could rest for a bit.

I heard a scream from the back of the pack. Derpy was being assailed by three thugs! I upended myself and flew upside-down to her rescue. Joined by Canuck Chuck, we battled it out with the thugs fighting Derpy. I engaged with one, ramming headlong into my opponent, knocking the unicorn over and away from poor Derpy. I snorted. My opponent stood, wobbly and semi-conscious, but he shook it off and charged, generating a magic blast as he did so. I generated one of my own, ready to defend Derpy with my life if necessary. I heard Canuck Chuck and Derpy fighting their foes. A whole bunch of hoofsteps joined us. Soon there was an all-out brawl in the street – the eight of us tangoed with eight thugs clad entirely in black. I clearly heard Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, Razortongue, Emerald Thunder, Derpy Hooves, and Canuck Chuck duking it out with different enemies, each of us holding our own as much as possible.

My opponent and I stared each other down, now able to focus exclusively on each other. I flared my wings and released my blast. The unicorn charged forward, releasing his as a shield. Anticipating this, I dropped into a low kick just as my blast exploded harmlessly against the wall. I took his hooves right out from under him, sending him collapsing to the earth. I quickly swung a rear leg around, barely missing his horn, connecting solidly with his head, knocking him unconscious.

A loud scream tore across the battlefield. I looked around to see a thug descending on Sweetie Belle. He had thrown her into a corner hard enough to dent a nearby wall. I quickly bolted for the newly-marked filly, not stopping for an instant to check on anyone else. I quickly leapt for my target, bringing my full weight to bear on his back, and adding the press of a strong wing flap for good measure.

“You are-” STOMP “-NOT killing her today!”

I felt a couple bones snap as two ribs and a leg gave way. My new opponent let out a savage yelp and tried to scramble out from under me. I got off and levitated him off the ground, bringing him around to face my eyes.

“Get your friends and get out of here,” I said.

He stared at me, pure fury in his eyes, unspeaking. With a great grunt, I threw him down the road. He rolled a couple times, then crashed into a stack of unbalanced wooden crates which collapsed on top of him.

I looked around the battlefield. Slowly, everyone was fending off our assailants. The other Cutie Mark Crusaders had held off their opponents quite well, and now had assistants of their own. Razortongue had made quick work of two thugs, now setting into the one attacking Scootaloo. Canuck Chuck had wiped out Derpy’s opponents and was now defending an incapacitated Apple Bloom.

I was glad I had more friends with me – I would’ve hated seeing Apple Bloom die that day.

I took some time to check up on Sweetie Belle, who was crying. I levitated her, wrapping her in my wings and holding her tightly, cooing comforting things to this battered sister of Rarity’s. The pain on her face was immeasurable. It was both psychological and physiological – bruises and scrapes were everywhere. I held her there for a while, rocking her as she shook and cried into my chest.

Slowly the chaos of the battle left the field. I stood up and turned to the former brawl, looking around and smiling. We had all survived. I began to check up on others, still holding the shaking filly in my wings. Canuck Chuck and Scootaloo were reliving the fight exuberantly, still feeding their excitement. Razortongue, carrying the unconscious Apple Bloom, and Emerald Thunder were grinning relieved smiles at each other. Derpy was crying, but more out of relief than anything. She, surprisingly, wasn’t scared. We were surrounded by eight unconscious or dead thugs.

“We better skip town. I don’t think we can ever come back,” Razortongue said somberly.

I shook my head. “We’re not leaving without Boomdrop.”

“What!? You’re fuckin’ kidding me!” Razortongue shrieked. “We just about had our damn asses handed to us on fuckin’ silver platters with our choice of spices and cider and shit, and you want to fuckin’ stay and save Boomdrop?!”

“Only one fate will befall her if we do nothing,” I said. “I can’t let that happen.”

Razortongue fell silent.

I sighed. “I don’t like the idea of continuing the fight either, but in order to get back into Ponyville, we need to bring Boomdrop with us. Nobody will believe you’re Dashcore without Boomdrop.”

“Fuck…” Razortongue said, defeated. She knew I was right. She sighed. “Okay, so where do you think she is?”

“Typically, if a gang wants to be rid of someone, they go to an old, abandoned warehouse complex, harbor, field, or something similar and do their dark deed there,” I said.

“So we have to go get her,” Emerald Thunder said. His squeaky voice utterly betrayed his size. It caused me to nearly burst out laughing, but I held it together.

I nodded, still with a smirk on my face. “Yes. We need to get her.”

“So who do we take?” Razor asked.

I looked at Scootaloo, and noticed an addition to her flank. The brawl had earned her cutie mark – a bent scooter held in the iron grip of a human fist.

She was a scooter-bound fighter.

I laughed. I knew her cutie mark was something having to do with a scooter, but I had no idea it would be so militaristic. Then again, the way she had handled her scooter in that fight was remarkable… what I saw as I was fighting, anyway. I saw her complete these things: she deflected three magic lasers with the bottom of her scooter, she spun her scooter around and gave her foe seven hits, then spun herself around atop the handlebars while keeping the scooter planted and knocked him over, she delivered a powerful top-speed buck as she launched backwards off a ramp into Apple Bloom’s original foe’s head, and finally she used Canuck Chuck as a pivot point and tail whipped over two other foes.

In short, she was hella badass with that scooter… far more than she ever realized.

“I’m not going into that brawl without the best damn fighter in this squadron, period,” I said, indicating Scootaloo and making sure she heard me.

“What?!” she shrieked. “I didn’t fight anywhere near as good as you, Zytharros!” she insisted. “I… uh… I just…” She began getting flustered.

I shook my head. “No, Scoots. You outfought us all. Your cutie mark is proof of that.”

Scootaloo whipped her head to the side, shocked I had said what I did. I felt a shuffle as Sweetie Belle looked out of my wings at her friend.

“What is it?” she asked, confused.

I smiled. “It’s a scooter held in the iron grip of a human fist.”

“No… Fu-cking… Way…” Scootaloo said, staring at her flank in pure awe. “It’s far more awesome than I ever could’ve imagined!!”

I smiled. “You have so much control over that scooter, you ran over four guys in the time it took me to run over two. You kicked supreme ass out there.”

The rest of our party agreed, even Derpy. We stared at the filly in awe. Sweetie Belle leapt out of my wings to congratulate her friend. I was grateful – they had gotten quite tired from holding the little filly for so long. I stretched them as Razortongue continued.

“So we take Scootaloo,” she confirmed. “Who else is coming?”

Derpy and Sweetie Belle shook their heads.

“I’m not fighting again,” Derpy acknowledged.

Sweetie Belle echoed her sentiment. “I’m no fighter. I’ll stay with Derpy.”

“Apple Bloom’s better left to rest with them,” I said.

Derpy plucked the filly from Razortongue’s back.

“Emerald? Chuck? What about you?” I asked.

Chuck smiled in a cocky manner and telekinetically replied, “Canuck Chuck is a go. I’ll find her so fast you won’t be able to notice I’m gone.”

Emerald shook his head. “Nope.”

I nodded. “Then you guys head back to camp. Find a spot outside town. I’ll send Canuck Chuck back to find you when we’ve rescued Boomdrop.”

Sweetie Belle’s eyes teared up. “B-but… what if…”

“I’ll be fine,” I said, hugging the filly with my wings when she ran to me and nuzzled my leg. “We’ll be back.”

We walked away, our party divided in two pieces. I walked into another war alongside Razortongue, Scootaloo, and Canuck Chuck. Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, Emerald Thunder and Derpy Hooves returned to the abandoned camp to find a pace of peace outside the city. I didn’t know how foolish this was. I didn’t know what was waiting… but I didn’t care. Boomdrop was not dying on my watch.

Images of Applejack’s fall flashed through my mind and I snorted angrily.

“You’re coming home, Boomer,” I muttered.

Crystal Fisted Rainbows

Uhnn… my head…

I opened my eyes and tried moving. Nothing doing – I was tied up against a wall, spread-eagle, where I had been since the brawl. Even my wings were tied back, leaving them in a terribly uncomfortable sprain. I looked down as my struggle ended and the pain hit me. I reeled under its influence, just now noting the rather large puddle of blood on the floor… and down my legs… my chest… my arms… I tasted some on my tongue…

They had really done a number on me… to which I smiled in painful pride. They had learned well.

A door opened behind me. The familiar walk pattern instantly identified who it was.

“Just kill me already, Stellar Shriek…” I sneered.

A gray pegasus with blood-red shoulders and a blue mane and tail walked around to my front. His cocky three-beat clopping was unmistakable. He walked right up to my faced and connected noses with me.

“Is little Boomdroppie comfortable?” he chided with delighted expression. “You know how I love…” he tapped my side with a hoof, feeling for the softest spot, then slugged me in the side “…cooperative guests.”

I gasped for air after the hit. I didn’t know what my body looked like, and they had me fixed in such a way I couldn’t see my tail, but I knew I was damaged. My left eye wasn’t working right, my right wing hung painfully limp from my back, I could put little weight on my left leg, and something in my chest felt strained. I coughed, regaining my breath as he paced.

“Cowardly, like always,” I commented with a chuckle. Immediately, I was met with an expected slug to the jaw. I spat out a loosened tooth and smirked.

“Where’s the human?” Stellar Shriek asked. His cutie mark was what you humans would call a trollface. “I want to… play… with him…”

I chuckled. “He’s long gone. He won’t come and save me.”

A third voice, gruff and rough as gravel with three-inch spikes underneath, entered the room. “Don’t be so sure.”

A giant, pure-black unicorn entered. Stellar Shriek stepped out of the way.

“Megahorn…” I said. “Long time no see.”

Easily Princess Celestia’ height, he towered over everyone in the room. He was dead-serious. There was no other colouring on his form. He was blacker than the night. His cutie mark was a single, four-pointed white star.

“Fuck you,” he seethed. “Nobody bucks up an operation on purpose and gets away with it.”

“On… what!?” I exclaimed. “I never, ever bucked up on purpose! You know that!”

He hit me. I don’t even remember the pain. All I remember were the stars and feeing like I was going to throw up, which I did. Some got on my poor tail… oh, I would have to take special care of my baby when I got to take a bath next…

“Stellar Shriek watched you,” he screamed. “He told you to follow orders and you failed to listen, you bitch!” He turned away. “I have a new assignment for you.”

“I thought I was your second-in-command!” I demanded. “When you left for Manehattan, I took over as head of Black Silver. I thought-”

“Thinking means nothing,” Megahorn said, putting a sizable hole in the wall with his monstrous hoof. “Remember – it was me who took you in… me who gave you a home, a family, and friends… me who taught you the pleasure of… ‘special company’… You owe me everything, fucking bitch! Even your bloody body is mine!”

I spat on his face. “The only thing you made me was a goddamn slut. You cared for nothing more than my flank.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it,” he sneered with an evil grin, slowly wiping his face with a foreleg. “I made you who you are.”

“And it’s a damn shame,” I said. “I’m tired of killing! I’m tired of being forced upon!” I grew more irate with each passing second. “I’m tired of this whole pile of bullshit! Why can’t you understand and just leave me the fuck alone!?”

He slugged me three times. I thought I was going to die, and I was reduced to a whimpering mass because of it. He stopped and wrapped his foreleg around me. I cringed in fear.

“That’s better,” he hissed. “Now, about your human friend…”

I dropped my head in sadness. I felt powerless… and I hated feeling like that. I decided that my former ‘father figure’ was no longer worthy of life.

“He and his buddies have been searching all over Fillydelphia for you,” the gigantic pony said. “Maybe I should…” he projected an image onto the screen as to our location “…help him out?”

I looked up slightly. “Dammit… I’m gonna kill you if you harm one hair in his mane…”

“And Razortongue…” he said, laughing.

“Youfuckingbastard!!” I screeched, thrashing against the wall of my prison. “Harm her and I will make sure you eat Tartarus’ shit!”

He laughed again. “Your little lovebird will wither and die, dumbass lesbo…”

“No!!” I shrieked, trying to lunge at him.

Stellar Shriek stepped in the way and slugged me twice. I reeled from the extended pain. My right wing fell to my side, dangling painfully off my back.

“Make sure you save a piece of that Earth pony for me, won’t you, Stellar?” Megahorn said.

Stellar Shriek cackled. “I’d be glad to, Lord Megahorn…”

“Not her, too…” I said weakly. As the door closed, I broke down in tears. After a few moments, I screamed, “Rainbow Dash, why didn’t you kill me when you had the chance, dammit!?”

A shadow casted on the wall moved. A raspy voice spoke. “I’m as powerless as you… there’s nothing I can do in this state, except obey the will of Crystal Fist.” The shadow stepped out of the wall. “I was placed under Megahorn to serve her ends better, and being the Element of Loyalty, I will not deviate from that.”

“Even if it means betraying the only country you’ve known your entire life?” I asked emphatically. “Even if it means killing everyone you’ve come to hold dear?”

Rainbow, emotionless, said, “If that’s what it takes, I will even stop the Princess herself from stopping Crystal Fist.”

“That’s not loyalty!” I demanded. “That’s treason! Treason to your country, your friends, your family! Don’t you see the pain you’re causing everyone? This is the third day I’ve been here, and all I’ve seen you do is slowly ebb away the supposed loyalties you once held highly!”

“My friends are the Sentinels of Her Majesty,” she said. “My mission is with them. You betrayed Black Silver. I cannot trust you.”

“I wanted a better life,” I declared. “I didn’t want to kill, to steal, to… well, break other ponies for Black Silver’s gain anymore. I’m done! I finally found a mare I would be happy with. I settled down, started a band, and began a normal life! I was through with gang life… I was…”

As I broke down again, Shadow Rainbow stood stone-silent staring at me, seemingly processing some manner of thought in her mind, though one could never tell with a faceless shadow that had walked all over you after you had walked all over seventeen of your former underlings.

After a few minutes of silence, Dash’s tail swished and she melded back into the wall. “Crystal Fist is the only way now. You’d best be accepting that.”

I growled. That stubborn mare just didn’t get it! I sighed.

“Scootaloo’s not going to like her hero betraying her…” I mumbled.

Rainbow simply replied, “Who?”

I shook my head slowly. “Your biggest fan.”

“Crystal Fist is all I need now,” she said flatly. “Everyone else is unnecessary.”

Sighing, I settled in for a long stay and more torture. I just hoped they would get here before I wound up dead.

The Dashed

It had been two days since we were supposed to head off for Ponyville, and three since we lost Boomdrop. Canuck Chuck had not turned anything up in all his searches at top speed all around Fillydelphia, going for over forty hours of straight flight and no rest just to find her and in the process giving real credit to what he said about his endurance flight time. We had found our other friends, returning to their campsite every night when we were met with no success. Discouragement was beginning to set in.

“We’ll never find her now,” Sweetie Belle mourned. “She’s probably…”

I shook my head. “I doubt it. This Black Silver organization that has her… I don’t think it wants her dead just yet.”

I admit, I was feeling down about it, too, but we couldn’t give up on her. We needed her. She needed us. Most of all, Razortongue needed her. She had seemed so lost since we failed to find her anywhere in the city yesterday.

Then we got some unexpected help.

A magic wave passed over my mind. It showed a small warehouse complex on the edge of the city, not five minutes from where we were. A face appeared on the wave.

“You did not look carefully enough for her,” the face in my mind said.

“Who are you!?” I demanded, quickly projecting the image in my mind on the ground.

The eight of us gathered around the circle and watched the conversation.

The black stallion on the other end of the line cackled. “I am Megahorn, leader of Black Silver. If you want to see your beloved Boomdrop again, meet me at this warehouse.”

Miscellaneous shouts, including a very out-of-place “do you have muffins?” from Derpy, peppered the air. Before I could get a word in, questions, explanations or anything, he vanished, leaving the picture of the warehouse imprinted in my thoughts.

“Damn fucking bitch,” Razortongue muttered. “I’m gonna make him eat his ass. Twice!”

“Well, we know where Boomdrop is,” I said. “Likely there’s going to be an armada of thugs waiting for us.”

Scootaloo pulled her scooter out and stomped on it. “Well, what’re we waiting for?”

Canuck Chuck nodded silently, the first time he decided not to speak in response.

So Razortongue and Scootaloo took to the streets, while Canuck Chuck and I took to the sky. Of course, Canuck Chuck went ahead and found the warehouse first, shining a great beacon of light from the magic of his horn to alert us of his location. Scootaloo and I arrived at the same time. Razortongue followed shortly after. We landed at a small, iron door, the sole break in the building’s brick and metal exterior. I let Razortongue, Scootaloo and Canuck Chuck in, keeping an eye on what came in behind us. The sky began to cloud over, and a chilly breeze blew through. Rain was coming. I was glad we were headed inside.

As I entered, stale, yeasty smells filled my nose, coupled with maturing grapes and an acidic smell atypical of wine-makers I couldn’t quite place… I noted some wine barrels, a few bottling products, several, cooled boxes of unused grapes, tall racks of wood holding thousands of bottles… a winery. A commercial-production winery, I identified. Noting a couple passing barrels and their caps, emblazoned with the logo of the manufacturer “Beachcomber Wines”, I realized this warehouse was dedicated almost exclusively to the production of Shiraz wines. I moped a little – Shiraz being my favourite wine, I was disheartened to think of all this wasted wine in a potential fight. I briefly wondered if this was where we were to meet, allowing myself to hope out this location as a battlefield but…

“Boomdrop!” Razortongue cried, running away.

We quickly joined her as we saw the broken, battered purple zebrasus tied down to a chair, bloodied and busted from head to hoof, consciousness flitting in and out of her eyes like the sun through the clouds viewable through a lone window high above us. Her mane and tail were caked in blood, her wings and two of her legs bent at wildly unnatural angles. She was tied back, her mouth full of a foam substance, preventing her from speaking. Razortongue nuzzled up to her marefriend.

“I’m here… they’re gonna pay, Boomie,” she cooed, “They’re gonna fuckin’ pay…”

I looked around anxiously. This was w-a-y too easy.

“Keep on your toes, guys,” I warned. “This feels wrong.”

Razortongue quickly unstrapped her girl, lifting her up onto her back.

“I’m going to get Boomie to the fuckin’ hospital,” she said.

We backed out slowly. Canuck Chuck took to the sky to make sure we weren’t being watched. We heard a door click, then something light aflame, then the door click and latch. I looked back to where we had entered – flames were climbing up the barrels!

“We’re in shit city!” Razortongue shrieked.

The rate the flames were clamoring for every square inch of the building led me to believe an accelerant had been used. The tongues of fire were licking up every square inch of real estate they could, even climbing on walls. We crowded together in the middle of the rapidly-expanding flames. A couple small explosions told me that wine wasn’t the only thing in this building...

…which Canuck Chuck unceremoniously confirmed: “Gunpowder at six-o’-clock!!”

We turned around, staring at what had to be the single largest collection of gunpowder crates in all Equestria. There had to be over nine thousand crates in that pile – and the flames were already working through the wood on almost twenty of them!

“How the…?” I simply said, staring and dumbfounded. “I thought Equestria-”

“Shut up, Zytharros!” Scootaloo shrieked in panic. “How do we get the fuck out of here before that blows!?”

Canuck Chuck soared up into the sky, indicating the window I had observed earlier with his unmistakable top-speed speech. He bucked it, shattering the glass. I picked up Razortongue and Boomdrop. Canuck Chuck gathered Scootaloo up. We escaped that building as fast as we could, just before the building exploded, sending wine, glass, gunpowder and miscellaneous other debris flying in all directions.

We settled down on a nearby rooftop to catch our breath. I wanted this guy brought to justice now. There was no need to put Boomdrop, me, Razor, or any of us through that. Where was he? I shot looks around me at random, now royally pissed off.

It was then we noticed something odd. A shadow moved along the ground. There was no pony to shed the shadow. It was simply a shadow… an outline. I braced myself.

Slowly, the shadow rose from the ground, staring straight at me.

“Zytharros,” she said in that familiar tomboy scratch.

Scootaloo looked at her quizzically. “Rainbow Dash? What happened to you?”

I put a leg in front of the filly. “Don’t approach her.”

“But-” she said, intending to object.

I looked at her. “Don’t. She’s not Rainbow right now.”

Scootaloo eyed her, confusion clearly evident on her mind. She was trying to calculate this new variation on Rainbow Dash.

“All you need to know,” I said, “is Crystal Fist is now in control of her mind.”

“So, Dash is…” Scoots asked me, tears in her eyes.

I shook my head. “No, she’s not dead. She’s still in there somewhere, hiding behind that black façade.”

“Fa-what-now?” Scoots asked.

I looked back at Rainbow, who was now slowly walking towards us. Her actions indicated a hostile motion was coming next.

“Mask,” I said, preparing myself. “Scoots, brace yourself.”

The filly quickly snapped her attention back to Rainbow Dash.

The pony had a very single-minded focus. “The burden you carry will be better if you just let it take you,” she cooed. She turned in an attempt to circle us. “Zytharros, would you not like to belong to the purest Empire in the universes?”

“I already do,” I said flatly. “No forceful takeover is pure.”

Dash looked at me, a little annoyed. “You stand opposite me, a former friend betraying my trust. I am the Element of Loyalty, and this is not being loyal.”

I caught her eye. “Loyalty means staying true to your friends as well as to yourself. If a friend comes against you unwillingly, you must work your hardest to get that friend back. Must I remind you of the three times I wilfully submitted to your physical threats to drive the point home?”

She snorted. “A weak action, showing nothing but futility.”

“Exactly,” I said. “I had to submit to your will without reservation and without care to myself to get you to see what a true friend is. You yourself acknowledged this the third time.”

Suddenly, Rainbow Dash’s face twisted. Scootaloo stepped back as the Shadow Magic fizzled. Flashes of Rainbow’s old colours began fluttering in and out of view.

“Zytharros…” a weaker voice said.

“Hold on, Dash! I’m here to get you back!” I shouted.

Scootaloo bolted for the shadow. Grabbing a hoof, she tried to tear her idol out of the Shadow’s grip.

“Let go of her, you meanie!” she said, tears rolling down her eyes as she pulled with all her might. “Bastard!! Let her go!!”
Suddenly, the Shadow regained control and bucked Scootaloo hard, connecting solidly with her face and flank. The filly flew past us. Canuck Chuck caught her just before she fell into the alley below, bringing the unconscious Cutie Mark Crusader back to our group.

“Great work, Loyalty,” I seethed. “You just bucked up your biggest fan.”

Dash broke through again. ‘Shadowdash’ hadn’t moved.

“N-no… S-s-sco… o-o-ota-ta-ta… l-loo…” she said, fighting for the right to gain her body back. Her spirit was weak… very weak.

I closed my eyes and casted some magic on her. Instantly I found myself transported to a world of purple, where only lights existed. A pale blue light was being assailed by three black lights, fighting back with whatever could be mustered. With each hit, though she dimmed.

I had no idea how things worked, so I went for it. I wanted to strike at those who were harming my friend… so I did. Hard. I wanted them to feel the pain they had inflicted on her, so they did. Badly. It seemed my will was what dictated my motions here. I wanted to protect Dash first and foremost. I myself wasn’t all that strong, having just escaped holding two mares from a burning building set to blow at the slightest spark, but dammit, they weren’t going to get the best of Dash!

Some warmth came from the blue light, and her soul ‘stood’, reinvigorated.

I’m not sure how much energy I’ve got left, Zytharros, she… I guess willed herself to say to me, but I’m gonna give it my all. I’ve been stuck inside this… this dark place… for far too long.

I tried to exude the same friendly warmth to Dash. Let me battle them. You get some rest.

Dash replied, I don’t think I get that luxury!

Immediately, one of the black shadows pounced on Rainbow. Two took me on.

Come on, beasties… I taunted.

They struck at me, but I had a lot more energy than Dash did. I dodged them, delivering two powerful rams. Dash had significantly weakened one – I blew clean through it on the second try. This left the battlefield fair and square at one each.

A faint voice in the distance caused me to lose my concentration for a split second, and soon I was ejected from Dash’s brain. I quickly reconnected, watching them beat the ever-living stuffing out of the unmoving soul of Dash once more. I pounced on one, catching it completely off-guard. I tore it in two, its’ vapor dissipating in a pulse of black light. The other turned on me, its full attention drawn to the one with the larger life force. I glanced over at the blue, formless creature. It was pulsing… fading…

“No... Dash! Hold on!” I shouted, both internally and audibly.

The last Shadow attacked me, striking me three times. I countered with a couple quick strikes of my own as the Shadow defended. I dodged. Again, several strikes came, but I defended them.

I couldn’t tell if they were punches or kicks or simply belly-bounces. These amorphous blobs of... I guess soul would be the best word?... were just that – amorphous blobs of light. The pattern of striking and defending continued, heated, for several minutes. Eventually, though I could see the Shadow wearing down. Eventually, I broke him… or rather, Dash did. With a thrust of her body, she blew open the last assailant. I ‘caught’ her just as the battle ended and she fell into my body.

“Dashie!!” I shrieked.

The blue blob lay there, unmoving, but still flickering blue. I looked around, carrying the weakened soul, and to my surprise found a crystal containing the purest essence of Rainbow Dash. The full pony form was locked away in the crystal.

“How do I get you back in there?” I asked myself.

But it was not for me to decide. I was pulled out of her heart and back into my own. For the fourth time in my Equestrian life, I fainted. I had used up a lot of magic saving Rainbow Dash, and my body had just given out from the stress.

I guess saving lives is tiring business.

A Potpourri of Events

I awoke to the same sounds I heard after saving Applejack from a falling Canterlot several months prior – the beeping of the pulse monitor. I wondered how long I had been there. Was it a week, like last time, or was it a couple days? Hours? Looking out the window, I could see it was nighttime, so it had to have been at least several hours. I had fainted around noon, after all.

This time there was nobody in my hospital room… just me, a pad of paper, and a pen. I noticed a small note written on the pad, so I picked it up. I couldn’t hold onto it long, however… my magic gave out on me and I dropped the pad into the middle of my lap. It looked like my group would be staying in Fillydelphia a little while longer than anticipated. I leaned back, unable to keep my energy up very well.

A nurse came in and noticed that I was awake. She greeted me warmly.

“How long have I been out?” I asked.

She checked the clock. “About thirty hours or so,” she answered. “What can I do for you, Zytharros?”

So I’ve been out for a day and a half, I thought. My time’s improving. I might make it up in a couple hours next time. At the last thought I smiled sarcastically.

“Did the hospital also receive two mares by the names of Rainbow Dash and Boomdrop?” I asked.

She nodded. “They’re over in the next room. What happened, anyway? You three were all pretty banged up. Boomdrop was… well, she needed a body cast, for one.”

I grimaced. “I would rather not talk about that right now, if that’s okay.”

Suddenly, a bright flash illuminated my room. A tall pony with star-studded hair that flowed in its own wind appeared in front of me. With a quick flick of the wrist, the nurse quickly bowed and left.

“Our sister tells us a lot about you,” she spoke in a controlled bellow. “Thank you for protecting our subjects.”

I smiled. “You’re welcome.”

“We are Princess Luna,” she introduced with a great flourish in her language. “It is an honour to meet you. We regret that we were unable to meet with you on your last visit.”

I nodded. “That’s okay. I’m just a normal human… with an alicorn shell… and some pretty wicked powers, if today was any indication.”

Somehow the headache in my head had gotten worse. I could focus past it, but it was difficult. Random whispering also crossed my mind at times.

Luna’s flair for the dramatic continued. “We came to check up on you for our sister and ask how you are doing on your quest to restore the Elements of Harmony.”

“Tell Princess Celestia we will make it back to Ponyville in fifteen days with Rainbow Dash. We had planned to leave earlier, but we ran into some trouble with a gang called Black Silver.”

Princess Luna frowned. “We know about Black Silver. We have already… dealt… with them. There are far larger problems in Equestria right now than personal grudges. Megahorn will not interfere with royal business!”

I relaxed. “That’s good.”

“Is it true, though, that you, Zytharros, are becoming a danger to the cause, as Derpy claims?” she asked. “She and Sweetie Belle are very concerned.”

I nodded. “Unfortunately, I’m going to have to confirm this as true. Crystal Fist’s in my mind, working on breaking me like she did the others.”

“You have wonderful strength,” she declared. “The fact you could pull off that kind of pony soul manipulation was remarkable, especially with something on your mind as you did.”

“To be frank,” I commented, dumbfounded at the realization that I had just… waltzed into Rainbow Dash’s brain like that. “I just… I don’t know what I did. I simply reacted.”

“We don’t know, either. Most ponies have one or two things. You seem to be able to bend the fabric of this dimension to your whims just by imagining it happening.” Luna said. “This may be why Crystal Fist is after you, specifically.”

I groaned in frustration. “Why is she doing it so slowly, then? I hate slow happenings…”

Luna simply gave me a look of helpless concern. I looked at my bed, listlessly taking in the little doodle at the bottom of the note.

“We are trying to do our best as well,” she said. “My sister is waging a war within herself as well. Let us hope one of us is strong enough to overcome her evil.”

I nodded. “Let’s. If Celestia were to go down…”

Luna turned away sharply and stomped a hoof. “Let us not speak of that! We must maintain our positivity!”

I smiled. “Agreed.”

With that, she vanished. I sat back and thought about what was going on inside me again. I closed my eyes and felt a small sprout – a dark, disturbing sprout. It felt like one… no, two of those things Rainbow and I had battled had taken residence in my mind.

No… it had merely transferred hosts.

The one I tore in half had slipped into my mind.

I facehoofed. If this was going to happen every time, I might as well give up now. For me to save all the Elements like that… my will would be overrun in a matter of just a few battles. Crystal Fist was a far more cunning enemy than I had realized.

Then it struck me.

This had been her plan all along.

Just as this second evil had taken residence inside me, Crystal Fist had taken Tangerine Hopes. It had been slow, deliberate, and subtle. For her to have worked on me since our first encounter was not entirely inconceivable, even on Earth as I prepared for my child’s birth. Had she been watching me, even there? What did she have planned? Was I being used as a carrier across dimensions? What was going on? I was doomed – what about those around me?

A demented voice cackled its way into my head. “You’ve figured out the scheme… You know you won’t last… Give in to me now, before I take everything you love away from you.”

I growled and mumbled, “Crystal Fist, I may not make it, but I’m going to go down fighting. Tell me… how long, exactly, have you been toying with me?”

She replied, “Since you set foot in Canterlot that very first time. Each step is a test of your character and skills, and I must say you’ve performed admirably… for a simple human thrown so suddenly into Equestrian hell. I’ve been harassing the inhabitants of this country for a year, becoming able to do things that Nightmare Moon, Discord, and the Changelings could only hope to have accomplished.”

“Like what?” I asked, fearing the answer.

I knew she smiled by the way her voice brightened. “Taking over a human form and breaking through the Fifth Wall. I know Discord’s flipping out in his statue as we speak.” She chuckled. “It always makes me happy to see him squirm. I wish I could see his face when I actually do it – take over you, Celestia, and Earth, that is.”

“You’re still holding onto that dream of dimensional domination?” I asked. “Pathetic.”

Crystal Fist chuckled. “It’s pathetic only to one with a corporeal form. Even those who have the power to take over entire universes are still limited to universes within their fixed perspective.” She broke into full-on hysterics. “Not I. I can take over anything I please whenever I want however I want because I am above physical form. I am spirit, nothing more.”

“Then-” I began.

She cut me off. “You will know more of our mission when you become a Sentinel, like Rainbow was. Until then, adios…”

I felt the black presence fade from my mind. I would have to ask Rainbow Dash what Crystal Fist’s mission was when we got out of here. I closed my eyes and lifted a silent prayer to my Hero – a simple rhyming prayer I had learned as a young child. It calmed me a little, but not enough, for when I tried to get back to sleep, I could not.

I looked down at the note in my restlessness.

To my friend Zytharros,

This is the fourth time you’ve saved me from doing something I regretted. I can’t believe how uncool and disloyal I have been to you, and yet you still saved me when I needed you the most. Thank you so much. You have shown me a side of loyalty I could never hope to match. You are awesome beyond awesome. As of now, I owe you more than twice my life. This is not something I’m going to take lightly, either. If you need anything in Equestria, and I mean anything at all, even of… well, myself, let me know. I will do whatever you need done without hesitation. I swear on my own life, you will never be left hanging in Equestria again.

I only hope I can be half as loyal as you.

You don’t mind if I give the title of “coolest pony in Equestria” to you… do you?

From the second-coolest pony in Equestria,
Rainbow Dash.

Short, but succinct and to the point, just like her conversations. I smiled as I set the pad of paper off to the side. That “second-coolest” bit… I could care less about coolness, but for Rainbow to say something like that… Rainbow Dash physically writing she was not the coolest pony in Equestria… that said a heck of a lot about the impact I had on her. The tears that smeared some of the words said even more, though, and I started tearing up myself. I was keeping that, taking it home with me, and putting it with my Rainbow Dash figurine.

For now, though, I still couldn’t sleep. I tried sitting up, but quickly collapsed back on the bed. I lost whatever energy I had possessed. It wasn’t long before I slipped into a coma.

It was almost two more days before I was allowed to leave. A routine circuit of vigil-keepers kept me company during the day. Sweetie Belle was the one most likely to visit, often accompanied by Rainbow Dash and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders. True to her word, Dash kept herself busy by serving my every whim and wish. Whatever I wanted, she got for me – a new quill, a milkshake, a Daring Do book, it didn’t matter. She spared no energy, expense or expedience, duty-bound to carry out whatever I desired. She even fought with the kitchen staff once, demanding I get a special omelette I had asked for, and rearranged the very weather outside my window so I could have some shade when I got too hot. Reflecting on the situation and comparing it with the note, I realized if I had asked for sex, she very likely would have given me that, too, but again I was bound to my wife for that and didn’t broach the subject at all.

I truly felt bad for receiving that kind of dedicated service, even if she felt like I was owed it.

Just as I was being discharged, I got some amazing news from Rainbow. Apple Bloom had finally got her cutie mark.

“What is it?” I asked excitedly, anticipating something construction-related. I filled out the forms necessary to leave.

Dash smiled proudly. “It’s a hammer within a diamond of four large nails.”

I chuckled. “Interesting execution, but exactly what I thought its direction would be. How’d she do it?”

“Emerald Thunder, Razortongue and Apple Bloom were trying to design the portable skate park for Scootaloo so we could take it on our journey,” Rainbow animatedly remembered. “They had figured out everything except for how portable they could make it. Apple Bloom worked all through last night trying to figure out how to make it portable and durable, and when we woke up this morning, she had done it! She built Equestria’s first one-hundred-percent portable, foldable, movable half-pipe! She even painted it Wonderbolts blue!” She squee’d in her old fan-maniac delight. “It was the most awesometastic thing I had ever seen!”

“I thought you didn’t like the Wonderbolts,” I said, curious as to what changed her tune.

Rainbow Dash blushed. “Yeah, well, they kinda came and apologized. We’re staying at Fillydelphia Stadium now in their suites as they’re off on tour. I didn’t know Canuck Chuck had been harassing them, and that’s why they were on edge.”

“So how do you like my new friends?” I asked.

“A former gangster, a crazy pony with a mouth like a buzzsaw, a smiling idiot, and a guy who can fly circles around any pegasus in Equestria…” Rainbow said. “You really met some weird friends.”

“No different than a party pony, a shy recluse, an athlete, a bookworm, a workhorse, and a fashionista getting together,” I said. “Differences make life spicy, after all, and rainbow spicy is best spicy.” I winked at Dash, smirking.

Rainbow laughed, both at the realization and at the allusion to the weather factory adventure we had shared on my previous visit. “I guess our group is pretty weird, too.”

“Weird? No,” I said. “You can’t have a group of friends that are all interested in exactly the same things all the time. That would be boring and weird.”

“I guess,” Dash said, continuing to smile as we left the hospital.

We took off and flew for the stadium. I was still a little tired, so I flew slower than normal. Rainbow and I talked about various things on the way, like the Wonderbolts and their stunts, airplanes and their stunts, some other stunt circuits around Earth and Equestria, and a little about what Crystal Fist had envisioned. We passed by Canterdam Castle, now a mere, scorched-out shell of the stately home it once was, in the middle of a burned-out, once-beautiful courtyard.

I chuckled. I imagined Megahorn getting a wicked licking from Celestia for burning down her childhood residence, one that had been my home in Fillydelphia for a few weeks now. I also briefly wondered if one of Celestia’s sergeants under Shining Armor was named Optihoof Prime or some other similar name… I laughed. The reference would be lost in this world, but that would be crazy if it were true!

Rainbow looked at me, concerned. “What’s so funny?”

I looked at the cyan and rainbow pegasus and shook my head, still mildly laughing. “I wish you knew about giant metal robots called Transformers… Megahoof reminded me of the Decepticon leader Megatron, so I thought there may be an Equestrian Guard equivalent to Optimus Prime of the Autobots.”

“The only one I can think of with a name close to that is Optimal Buck,” she said. “Then again, I don’t know too many of the guards. Buck happens to work with me in weather on his days off.”

I exploded with laughter, collapsing on a nearby rooftop. “No way! There’s actually a parallel there, too! I can’t believe this!”

Rainbow just smirked, seemingly missing the humour. Then again, this was Earth-origin humour and some things would be lost. Having had my moment, I took off again, with the multicolor-coifed pegasus in pursuit.

A few more minutes of flight, plus a couple brief and necessary rest stops, had us floating down into the stadium. Canuck Chuck was busy lapping the edge of the stadium.

“Six hundred eighty-four… Six hundred eighty-five…” he counted.

Rainbow’s jaw dropped. “That can’t be right! How long can that colt keep this up!?” she shrieked.

“Well, he flew for forty hours straight trying to find Boomdrop,” I said.

“Forty hours?!” my astonished partner exclaimed. “No rest?”

“None,” I said. “At that sub-sonic pace, too.”

“Celestia…” Rainbow said as she nearly keeled over, fainting. “It’s hard enough for me to go three hours at that pace.”

She spied a chance at competition. “Hey! Chuck!”

The fast-flying fury stopped cold. “’Sup, Dash?” he asked.

“Want to race?” she said with a challenging sneer.

“Distance or speed?” Chuck said, landing and matching the sneer.

“You pick!” Dash said, taking off into the sky.

I chuckled, letting the two most competitive ponies in our team have at each other. I walked over to a napping Sweetie Belle and ball-playing Scootaloo and Apple Bloom.

“Zytharros!” Scootaloo said, the biggest grin I had ever seen on her shining, scuffed face as I caught her eye. “You’re out of the hospital!”

Apple Bloom let out a short cheer, which awoke Sweetie Belle. The noteworthy filly brightened as soon as she saw me, running up and nuzzling my leg in a wordless greeting of relief. I returned the gesture, wrapping my wings around all three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders in a giant hug.

“How have you all been keeping?” I asked, releasing the grip.

“Great!” Apple Bloom said, delighted in my presence. “I got my cutie mark!”

“Rainbow Dash told me all about it,” I said, smiling proudly. “Let’s see your handiwork!”

We trotted over to the half-pipe. It was about five feet high, painted in Wonderbolts blue with two lightning flares on the side, and four small red flags on each corner. Apple Bloom showed off her cutie mark proudly, and Scootaloo wasted no time in showing me some of the new tricks on her scooter.

As I watched, I noticed Sweetie Belle looking kind of sad, left where we had first talked. I pulled my attention away from her friends and sat beside her.

“It’s wonderful you have your cutie marks,” I said.

She sighed. “Yeah, I know…”

I looked at the depressed filly in surprise. “You’re not that excited?”

She looked at me and stomped a hoof. “What good’s a cutie mark if you’ve got no one to share it with?” she asked. “We need to get home to save our friends!”

“We will, Sweets,” I said, looking at the sky. The sun was beginning to dip behind the distant mountains. “It’s a little late to start our journey now, and I think we have some resupplying to do after that fiasco with Black Silver. We’re aiming to finally leave for home the day after tomorrow.”

She snorted. “This waiting sucks.”

I put a wing around her. She cuddled up to my leg. “I know, Sweets, but patience is something we all have to have.” We lay down on the grass. “For now, we should enjoy ourselves. This may be the last day we have to spend time in peace for several weeks.”

She looked up at me, those cute green eyes registering uncertainty. “Do you think we’ll save Rarity?”

I couldn’t say… and I no longer could say if I would survive long enough to see that. I hoped we would, so I gave the best response I could, one I hoped would brighten the filly’s mood.

“We will, Sweets,” I said kindly smiling, though I felt a look of uncertainty creep into my eyes.

She didn’t notice. She simply nodded, expressionless.

“Ah, don’t you worry, Sweetie Belle!” Scootaloo said, striking a pose I thought was almost cheesy in her attempt to look tough. “We’ll get everyone back, especially now that we have the coolest pony in Equestria with us!” She admired her idol as she flew around the arena, racing a colt who had as of late taken her heart as well. Without hesitation, she shouted, “Wait for me!” and bolted off on her scooter.

Apple Bloom walked by and sat beside us, looking at her friend in a concerned manner. “We’ll get ‘em back,” she said, her twang softening a little as her voice softened.

Sweetie Belle still wasn’t so sure.

I hugged Sweetie once more and stood. “I’m going to grab a bite to eat.”

A small buffet was set out by the Princess’ employees, who were still in charge of taking care of us while we were in Fillydelphia as per Luna’s orders. Salads, grain cereals, potato burgers… it looked all so inviting, but only one thing crossed my mind…

What I wouldn’t give for a giant steak…

It was odd for me to think about steak. It wasn’t my favourite red meat dish, by any stretch of the imagination, but I still craved it. I hadn’t tasted meat in so long, it seemed the most inviting and most meaty of all the meat dishes I thought of. I proceeded to set myself up with a plate and some food. Luckily, they had gotten the hint I was a cheese freak, so I took a large helping of the solid dairy product. I flew into the stands onto the roof of the dome and ate alone with my thoughts, looking over the brightly-lit city.

After a few minutes, I heard a loud thwangg!! Derpy Hooves came crashing down beside me from high up one of the many metal flagpoles surrounding the stadium.

“Hi, Zytharros,” she said, correcting her orientation. “What’cha doin’ up here?”

“Just thinking,” I said, nibbling on a piece of cheese.

“’Bout what?” she asked.

“Nothing specific. Just thinking.”

“Oh,” she said.

We sat there in silence for a bit, temporarily mesmerized by the lights and sounds of the city outside our second fortress. In the distance somewhere construction crews repaired the Canterdam Castle. A small blaze of gunshots were fired, but nothing approached our area.

“Cities,” I said. “So much life, and yet so devoid of it.”

“Huh?” Derpy asked, throwing me a questioning look.

“A city has a lot of evidence of the dominant life forms of a planet,” I said. “However, it is usually absent of some of the reminders of that life’s origins. Sure, you have birds and crows and rodents, but the larger competition’s been weeded out at some point, pushed into either adaptation or elimination. The greenery present has no shortage of victims itself.

Each tree is carefully selected, placed, and planted to appeal the best to a given neighbourhood or a given use. All others that are out-of-place with the designer’s plans are cut down and removed. The grass is trimmed, sometimes to exacting specifications. Plants are carefully placed to appeal to the visual couture of the day, while the native vegetation is often excluded from the process, often because it will eliminate anything around it. Eventually, with enough care and attention, a garden blooms in fiery, vibrant colours.

Yet in other neighbourhoods, ‘green’, when not synonymous with money, is considered wasted space... only gray remains in these places of pavement, stone, and lifeless deserts of so-called civilization. Those that live in areas like this will do anything to add colour to their environment.”

I looked to my left. “As I looked over the city, it occurred to me that this stadium is right at a nexus of these points. That way-” I said, sweeping my left hoof over the city “-is where progress occurred without consideration for the natural environment. There is very little greenery there. However, that way-” this time, my right hoof swept over the other side and I caught Derpy’s eye “-is where nature got its voice heard. There is usually a lot more graffiti where greenery is absent or takes up less than about, say, forty percent of the visual space.”

I closed my eyes in a bit of a melancholy state, imagining my farm. “If only people paid more attention to nature and less to the green in their wallets…”

Derpy’s mood dropped and she looked down. “I didn’t understand half of what you said, but I can see the point,” she said. “Too much gray and not enough green and people go nuts.”

I chuckled a little. “That’s the long and the short of it, yes.” Leave it to the bubbly ditz to laymanize my thoughts.

“So, how have you been lately?” I asked.

She smiled. “Just happy to have you back,” she said.

I smiled. We returned to looking over the city as our evening closed. Hopefully Boomdrop would be better soon and we could head off to Ponyville to save our remaining five friends.

That night, as everyone slept, I looked up at the stars.

“Twilight…” I said to myself, thinking about the grape mare. We had never greeted each other properly before she was taken over. Each of the faces of the other four passed through my mind, and I grew angry.

Applejack… Pinkie Pie… Fluttershy… Rarity…

I didn’t know if I could save you all, but, dammit, if I died doing so it would all be worth it.

Boomer, get better, I thought. Sweetie Belle’s right. This is too long to wait.

Crystal Fist was getting under my skin. She had managed to piss me off to the point I could never forgive her for her actions – something nopony – or human – had ever done before. She was beginning to reflect on her entire race as well – a thought that, given my general disdain for racism, absolutely disgusted me.

I furled my brow, recalling the chorus of Evanescence’s “New Way to Bleed”…

I feel it coming over me

I’m still a slave to these dreams

Is this the end of everything

Or just a new way to bleed?

The dark lullaby of my ensuing hum lulled me to sleep a black dream of death, anger and murder.

The Fall of Zytharros

There wasn’t much to speak of on the journey back to Ponyville. Once Boomdrop got better, which took the better part of a couple months, it was twelve days of boring travel. We stuck to the main roads, intent on getting back to our destination as quickly as possible. Those with wings took turns flying around the caravan. The Earth ponies pulled the carts. The unicorns helped where they could. Occasionally the monotony would be broken up with a competition of some kind, or a new song by Sweetie Belle, or Dashcore practicing with me singing lead… that kind of stuff. Of course, Rainbow and Chuck won most of the events, but occasionally one would come along where another member would win. Derpy in particular won a couple balancing and find-the-item events. By the end of the journey, all of us – that is, Rainbow Dash, myself, Boomdrop, Sweetie Belle, Emerald Thunder, Razortongue, Scootaloo, Canuck Chuck, Derpy Hooves, and Apple Bloom – were exhausted, drained, tired, hungry, and simply fed up with travel. We just wanted to be home.

Soon we approached the barrier, which opened for us without resistance. I was suspicious – I could never tell what Crystal Fist was up to. She must’ve known we would be coming. After all, she had two little pieces of herself in here. She had shown me she could communicate freely with the shadows in my mind, so she must have some access into my thoughts.

As we passed under the barrier, a twitch of energy suddenly gave me a pounding headache. I collapsed onto the ground.

“Zytharros!” Sweetie Belle shrieked, running to my side.

Derpy looked concerned. “Are you okay?”

I managed to pull myself up, but I didn’t feel quite right. Something was missing.

“Your horn’s fucked off!!” Razortongue exclaimed.

“I don’t have one?” I asked.

“Nope. It’s gone!” Apple Bloom said.

I touched my forehead where my horn was, and found nothing but smoothness. I stood, stunned, for several minutes, then growled.

“Crystal Fist…” I muttered, spreading my wings. “Okay, what’s her problem!?” I demanded.

“She doesn’t want you to pose a threat,” Rainbow said. “She knows the power of your imagination and wants to limit it as much as possible.” She glowered at the sky. “She takes away your strongest ability when you become her slave.”

“So, when we meet Fluttershy, she will likely have taken away her kindness…” I said.

Derpy frowned. “She would have taken Twilight’s smarts…”

“Pinkie Pie’s happiness…” Apple Bloom mused.

Sweetie Belle sniffed. “Rarity’s beautiful dressmaking ability…”

“And Applejack’s work ethic,” Scootaloo concluded.

Razortongue groaned. “This bitch needs to be taught a lesson.”

The rest of us nodded in agreement. The headache continued pulsing, the corruption inside attacking my will like Metroid Prime 2’s Ing taking over a new host. I could feel myself growing weaker with each ‘will-tap’ as we walked.

After another hour, just in front of Ponyville’s entrance, Apple Bloom, perched atop a wagon, shouted, “Look!”

A silhouette passed us by on a tree. The silhouette was of another pegasus with long, flowing hair.
Fluttershy.

The silhouette passed over more ground, some trees, and finally dematerialized from the shadow of a falling leaf.
I stood in front of everyone, stripped of everything that made me useful and barely able to breathe. Desperate to end the battle as fast as I could, I charged her. I passed through her body harmlessly and wound up sprawled all over the earth in shock and dismay.

The fall hurt more than just mentally. I could no longer help my team. I couldn’t go into Fluttershy’s mind.
The game had just changed… and I was now suddenly useless.

I watched the battle unfold before me, with results that would have unfolded as if they had tried to fight air. They passed through her with little effect as the ghost taunted us, chuckling in that warm Fluttershy way. The echo it gave off provided a supremely creepy soundtrack for the fury of the nine still standing.

But it was all for naught. With one quiet “yay” and an explosion that could’ve woken the dead, she had incapacitated everyone…

Everyone… except Razortongue.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing!?” she shouted. “Fluttershy! Stop this!”

The shadow looked at her funny and attempted to whisper-shout another “yay”. When it still didn’t work, she charged with a roar. Razortongue met her charge headlong. The two collided, sending Fluttershadow careening back. The corrupted image of Fluttershy flopped and rolled, her body tossed by Razortongue like a ragdoll. Without any hesitation, however, she stood back up and re-entered the fray.

“I’m sorry, mom,” Razortongue said with a hint of regret as she charged again.

Fluttershadow roared and charged headlong for her surrogate daughter. They connected hard, fighting each other tooth and nail with bucks, stomps, headbutts… anything they could use. Their lethal dance made its way over to me. I simply rolled over, letting the duelists continue uninterrupted.

But again, fighting wasn’t working. Because Razortongue wouldn’t think of an alternative, and there was no physical way I could keep them apart, I began to come up with solutions.

“Try running away!” I shouted.

That failed – Fluttershy quickly caught up to her, continuing the assault.

“What about bucking her with all your might?” I suggested.

The shadow never allowed it to hit her.

After four or five of these suggestions, I stopped and thought for a second. If kindness was taken away, then kindness needed to be shown again… A flash of thought suddenly occurred to me.

“Razortongue!” I shouted. “Drop and let her hit you!”

“The fuck?” she shrieked, still fighting. “She’ll kill me!”

“Maybe if she sees someone she loves getting thrashed it’ll wake her up from her stupor!” I shouted back. “We’ve tried practically everything else!”

Speckled with grunts, she complained, “But what about being a badass? They don’t fuckin’ just drop in the middle of a fight to the death!”

“Drop the tough chick act!” I ordered. “What are you trying to do? Get yourself killed?”

“But I-” she said anxiously.

I replied, “You’re wearing down! She isn’t! If you keep this up, you’ll die of exhaustion and Crystal Fist will win! Do you want to save her or lose her forever?”

“Okay, fine… Fuck…”

Biting her lip and bracing, she allowed Fluttershy to gain one good hit in. This allowed Razortongue to flop over and exit the fight without losing much of her ‘badass factor’. Fluttershadow descended on her, wailing as hard as her hooves could on her former charge. It didn’t look like the firebrand pony was taking a lot of damage. Fluttershy never was all that physically strong, after all.

Fluttershy began to come out of her psycho coma. As she did, I saw flecks of black erupt from her ears with each hit. It wasn’t quite enough, though.

Something else caught my eye. Derpy, standing on the ground, glowed with an unnatural light. Her bubbles flickered in the colors of the rainbow. Her wings were spread wide, eyes perfectly in line and staring right at Fluttershy.

“I should’ve told you sooner…” she said when I caught her eye. “I was the one that put you in Rainbow’s mind.”

A billion questions instantly flooded into my mind as she returned to focussing on Fluttershadow.

Soon Fluttershy was encased in that white light. She stumbled back. A war raged inside her for her mind – a war I knew all too well from having fought it with Rainbow Dash. It was a war stripped down to its basic elements – a war between souls, pure and simple. The battle would be swift, but it would drain a lot of energy from the plucky mailmare.

I could imagine the fight – the balls of souls, Fluttershy’s being butter yellow and Derpy’s being a mix of blonde and gray, battling it out against a number of evil wills brought forth by Crystal Fist into a pony’ mind for takeover. How I wished I could be in there to assist, or at least to watch! Without my horn, however, I was…

I shook my head and shouted, “Go Derpy!”

Rainbow woke up. Seeing the glow around both Derpy and Fluttershy, her jaw dropped.

“What the hell is going on!?” she said, surprised.

“That,” I said to her indicating Derpy and the weird glow surrounding her, “is what saved your neck.”

“How??” Rainbow asked. “She’s not a unicorn! She has no magic!”

“I’ll bet there’s a lot more to her than we know…” I said, staring at our friend with a newfound respect. “…especially regarding her family history.”

Rainbow’s jaw was still open. I pushed up against it and shut it.

“So, what can we do to help?” she asked.

I sighed. “I’m afraid we can’t do anything… it’s between her, Fluttershy, and Crystal Fist now.”

A few more minutes of fighting occurred, though to us it looked more like a staring contest between two bitter rivals. Occasionally we would break the silence with a “Go Derpy!” or a “Hang in there, buddy!” but for the most part we watched in anticipation.

Eventually, though both lights faded. Derpy and Fluttershy collapsed. Rainbow ran for Fluttershy. I ran for Derpy.

“Whoa!” Startled by something, Rainbow had shouted.

It wasn’t long after that. I felt a wave of blackness come over me. My wings disappeared in a feeling of shredding saw blades. My mind was assaulted again. I reeled and collapsed in pain, writhing in agony.

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash collected near me, their faces clothed in a look of concern.

“You’re okay…” I said, reeling in pain and groaning. It felt like my skin was peeling off.

They said something, but I didn’t know what. I could barely hear them over the crowd of voices in my mind. My lack of response seemed to concern them.

“Tell Derpy she’s in charge…” I said.

I could see their demeanor change. Fluttershy began tearing up. Rainbow Dash was shouting something, her face registering agony and fear. She was tearing up badly.

The pain grew. I curled into a ball and screamed, closing my eyes. I felt myself raised into one of the carts and the doors close.

I felt like I had failed. I had gathered the Guardians of Harmony and saved two Elements. That was it. I had not completely gathered the Elements. I had not defeated the resurgent Crystal Fist. I had not saved anyone else. I was being loaded into my coffin to die.

“Lord… s-save me…” I managed to croak.

That was the last thing I did. I passed out, both in body and mind.

Crystal Fist had won.

===================

Book 1: Crashing Equestria, the prequel to "The Game of Shadows".

Book 3: Derpy’s Gambit - Continue the Adventure!

Preview: Wounds and Weapons

Vinyl Scratch cracked up, laughing and rolling on the ground. “Man, Boomer, your marefriend’s always had such a way with words… ‘Come out and get fucked up like a real bitch…’ Classic!” She doubled over into a second fit of laughter.

We heard a little filly’s laugh from behind us and turned to see Scootaloo also laughing her flanks off. Rainbow just facehoofed, while I blushed.

“This is not going as well as I’d hoped…” Rainbow said. “It’s just not my day.”

“Tell me about it…” I mumbled.

“Oh, come on, Dashie,” Vinyl said, sidling up to the blue mare and wrapping a foreleg around her. “You’ve let a few words slip sometimes. Loosen up!”

“Around a filly?” she shouted. “Never!”

“Actually-” Scootaloo began.

Dash immediately stuffed a hoof down her throat. “Let’s not talk about that time…”

Razortongue chuckled. “Fuckin’ chicken, Rainbow?”

“You bitch…” Rainbow Dash seethed, her entire being corroding away into an epic epiphany of wrath that had started building up since before she fainted. “You’re mine!!”

With that, whatever control I had hoped to maintain immediately blew up in my face. Rainbow Dash attacked Razortongue. Boomdrop stepped in to defend her marefriend. Scootaloo tried to separate everypony, failing miserably. Vinyl Scratch joined the brigade of violence “to even up Rainbow’s odds”. I simply collapsed on my flank and cried. For a couple minutes, this crazy, violent war of supposed “harmony” continued, drawing a crowd of almost everypony in Pinkieville. They gained a series of cheers and even a round of bit betting on who would win. A couple ponies even started their own brawl in the spirit of the fight, which soon erupted into a full-scale riot.

I heard one pony mutter, “And the weekly riot begins…”

That was all I could take. I just scooped up Scootaloo and took off, out of Pinkie’s mane, out of Sugarcube corner, out of Ponyville, and deep into the Everfree. I heard some ponies calling my name, but I paid them no mind. Everything had fallen to… well, shit… around me. I had disappointed Zytharros, my friends, my family, everyone…

I had derped up.

Again.

“What the Luna-damned fucking hell is wrong with me??” I screamed. “I’m such a screw-up!!”

Just before I barreled headlong into a tree, a blue blur swept around and caught me and Scootaloo, who by that point I had forgotten I was holding and had begun screaming her head off in sheer terror at my long-time-coming, frighteningly self-destructive mental breakdown. As Rainbow Dash carried me around, ashamed that she had sent me into such a state, I just cried. The pressure… the new role… the fight… the… fuck it, the insanity of it all finally drove me to spend the next three hours bawling my eyes out in a clearing in the forest, surrounded by Rainbow and Scootaloo.

“What did I do?!” I screamed at Rainbow. “I don’t know what went wrong! Tell me!”

Rainbow was completely speechless. She knew I was having a hard time. She knew this. Yet Razor was always able to get the best of her. Somehow, Razor just dug in and stayed there. Through the blurs in my tears I could see in her eyes a thousand apologies wanting to explode from her mouth, yet none could be heard.

“Tell me! Let me know how I screwed up! Again!” I shrieked as I took hold of Rainbow Dash’s forelegs in a deathgrip both of us were sure should have been impossible with mere hooves. “I hate this… I wish Zytharros were still here… he’d know what to say, what I did wrong…”

“Derpy…” Rainbow finally managed, trying to hold me in an embrace.

I angrily pushed away, fed up with her. “No, Rainbow. No. I screwed up. It’s obvious you and Razor need to fight more than you need to be led. You can find a new Element of Determination.”

Scootaloo’s small voice, more timid than I had ever heard, pierced through my heart. “D-Derpy…”

“No. I’m through. I’m done,” I mumbled, turning away. “I’ve fucked up enough.”

Scootaloo ran towards me, and took hold of my hoof. “Derpy… I-I’m sorry…”

I hesitated for a second before I shook her grip loose. “It’s not your fault, kid,” I said, glaring daggers at Rainbow. “Rainbow and Razor can’t seem to put off their fucking pissing contests long enough to help us save our entire world. Maybe we should just let them ruin it for everypony.”

Rainbow stood, shocked and dumbfounded. She had never heard me speak like this before. I could tell had struck a nerve deeper than anything she had ever been told by Razortongue before – and I wasn’t through yet.

“After all, what is loyalty but fucking backstabbing the country you apparently love so much?” I seethed bitterly. “Apparently yours only runs so far as the first challenger to brutalize your Luna-damned ego. No more. If the damn Harmony Continuum won’t fuckin’ cooperate with itself, then I want no part of its fucking ass-backwards insanity.”

Read Wounds and Weapons here.

This Isn't Me

This Isn’t Me

It had been nine months since I, Zytharros, stepped into Ponyville that first time, where I had engaged the demented, twisted, scared, and trapped Tangerine Hopes right alongside the Elements of Harmony. Life had gotten busy, and although I had thought a couple times of going back, I never did. I rarely got a chance to myself lately, what, with the pregnancy entering its’ final stages and all. Duty kept me working and by my wife’s side, especially as her mobility had become reduced towards the end, eventually leading with a hospitalization one week ago due to lack of mobility.

Nevertheless, I had not lost my fondness for those six ponies. Memories of our adventures, things I could never share with anyone else except through fan fiction, had spilled out onto the internet.

I kept toys of the ‘Mane 6’, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie, in my toy chest. It took some doing, but I convinced my wife to let me buy at least those figures. I promised she would never have to see them, at least, until our kid was born. Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie had come easily enough – I worked at the retailer where they were sold, and they came in often enough I found them within a couple weeks of beginning to look. Additionally, a shipment of Rarity and Twilight figures had come in at a local toy store in two successive weeks.

The surprise for me, though, was exactly how I came to own Fluttershy… I had collected each of the six except her, and I was having a heck of a time tracking her down. It had been four months, and I had no luck. Despite her disdain for the ponies, my wife actually gave me that pony for Christmas last year, forsaking the typical and much-loved tech store gift card, after finding the last Fluttershy in sales circulation at a toy shop in Vancouver, looking for something for her dad with her mom.

Now, though, I was sitting at my desk, bored of writing and the many useful, useless, entertaining, and mind-numbing experiences of the Internet. The plastic figures of the ponies were all lined up on this rainy Spring day. I had already visited Rosebud in the hospital earlier that day, heading home to get some writing and housework done. I had no shifts at work that day, nor any pressing farm work, so I was free for most of the afternoon… except for the glut of dishes in the sink, but those could wait a little longer.

It was then I finally decided to try this ring out.

Gathering my phone, I stood up, moved a chair out of the way, and stood square to the wall. I held my palm flat, facing forward. I closed my eyes, concentrating on nothing but Ponyville. A high “sheen” sound, then a curtain, formed before me. A wall in my office began to ripple.

I gulped. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over that…” I said nervously.

I proceeded into the vortex, holding my arms out as if to prepare myself for the transformation. The sensation, the spike-tap-tap-BANG! I knew, it was there, though quieter. I briefly wondered if it was possible for the dimensional barrier to get ‘used’ to people crossing it, then I collapsed once again onto all fours.

This time, I appeared on a cloud near the uppermost rainbow of Rainbow Dash’s house. I grimaced, glad I had been accepted into this world as an alicorn or pegasus and not an Earth pony or unicorn. Looking around, I flapped my wings and leapt off the cloud, catching air for the first time in a little under a year. I remembered the training Rainbow had given me, but still found it hard to put into practice so suddenly. I flipped and flopped and fumbled my way to gliding, falling almost a hundred feet before regaining my composure and gliding around for a bit. I skimmed the tops of trees, spooking the wildlife a little, before I began my ascent, once again getting comfortable with flying. It came faster this time.

“Hey! Zytharros!” a scratchy voice called. “Welcome back!”

I shouted, “Dash! How’s it been?”

“Not bad at all,” she said. “Got a lot of new tricks to show you!”

I watched her fly ahead of me and perform some wicked tricks; a couple hammerhead-twists, a freefall-self-catch, and her patented and now perfected top-speed strut among them.

“Sweet!” I said.

She smirked proudly, matching her pace with mine.

“So, how’d the Wonderbolts thing go?” I asked.

Rainbow blew a raspberry. “What Wonderbolts?” she sneered.

I bit my lip. “Not well, huh?”

“They’re polite at social gatherings, but when I actually went to train, they were all, ‘You can’t do that’ or ‘this is the routine we’re practicing’… It was all so… structured!” she groaned. “And Spitfire… She’s so… cocky! There’s no talking to her… just her talking AT YOU!” She did seven very tight corkscrews as we circled back from above Canterlot. I simply banked around, letting the G-forces carry me into a natural barrel-roll. “To top it off, the team trainer called me ‘too fat’ for the job… Me! Fat! Ha!” Rainbow screamed in indignation. “That last season of the show was torture! I had to act like I was still a… ugh… FAN of theirs!” She sighed… “Maybe I should’ve just shot for the Equestria racing circuit instead.”

“You’re a daredevil,” I said. “Simply racing isn’t enough for you.”

“But there’s no stunt flight racing circuit in all of Equestria!” she exasperatedly declared. “I spent a ton of time looking for it, too!”

We landed on a couple clouds close to each other.

“Well, why don’t you try and get Twilight to help you organize one?” I asked.

“Twilight hasn’t been seen for the past month,” Rainbow said.

I looked at my cloud-bed and pondered. “How long was the TV crew here?”

“A little over a year, full-time,” Rainbow said. “They left last week.”

I chuckled. Dimensional time flow always did interest me, ever since Twilight and I discussed it at length last… uh… year, according to Rainbow. It was an interesting dichotomy that existed in a plane of logic only Tangerine Hopes had experienced, never mind understood… Nine months passes in my world, yet over a year had passed here… and still, on my first arrival, less than five minutes had passed since I left my world and I had spent a whole month in Equestria… It was truly bizarre.

“Where was Twilight headed?” I asked.

Rainbow flipped over onto her back. “She had stuff to do in Canterlot… something about planning an event for the Princess… her birthday, I think. I’m not sure. I kinda clocked out after fifteen seconds.”

I chuckled. Understanding Twilight’s work ethic and penchant for research, I wasn’t surprised. Also, understanding Rainbow’s not-so-unique ability to glaze over any over-complicated talking, I again wasn’t surprised. I looked back at Rainbow and noticed a flutter in her eyes. She was ready to head ‘er down for a nap on a cloud.

“Nice talking with you, Rainbow,” I said. “I’m gonna drop in on some of the others.”

Rainbow waved me off with a yawned “See ya”. I chuckled again and took off for greener pastures, specifically Fluttershy’s.

A couple minutes later, I arrived at the yellow mare’s house. I approached the door, hearing a sweet guitar solo and some chugging bass…

I chuckled, mumbling to myself, “Fluttershy is a secret metal-head…”

I knocked. I heard a quick “Oh!” and suddenly the song clicked off. Some rustling, a little clanging, and a “Just a minute!” were heard before she finally opened the door.

“Oh! Zytharros!” she said, surprised. “Welcome back!”

I noted the presence of a singular black streak trailing down the middle of her mane and tail.

“Nice new ‘do,” I commented.

She looked at her mane and blushed… “I-um… uh, that is…”

I chuckled. “You got your hair coloured since I last saw you.”

“Oh, Zy,” she said, all excited. “When you brought metal into Equestria, it was one of the best musical shakeups we’ve had here in a while. Once we got access to the Ponynet… I’m sorry… Internet here, I bought as much as I could. I found Nickelback, Evanescence, Demon Hunter… oh, I love them all!” she said, continuing to gush. “They made me remove the black streak for the show… I was so sad. Now that the show’s done shooting, though, I put it back.”

I smirked. She stared at me for a couple seconds, then realized something.

“Oh, pardon my manners… Come in,” she said, inviting me inside.

I walked in. The room hadn’t changed. Angel was amusingly dressed in a miniature Gene Simmons KISS outfit, and a couple birds were harmonizing the chorus of Demon Hunter’s “My Throat is an Open Grave”. It provided a little more of a haunting atmosphere than was normal for Fluttershy’s quiet and peaceful abode.

The words entered my head…

“This isn’t me”, I used to say
All the love was so gone
It feels good to be alive
‘Cause I’ve been dead for so long

“What’s new?” I asked. “Besides the black streak, I mean.”

She thought for a bit, then replied, “Not a lot. My chicken flock’s grown to 14 animals now.”

“Oh!” I said, smiling. “That’s wonderful!”

“How are your cats?” she asked.

“Still kickin’,” I said. “Still kickin’, and as rascally as ever. They’re quite healthy. We just sheared llamas this past summer, so we’ve been working hard processing the fiber for sale.”

“Ever since you’ve told me about their fibre,” the yellow pegasus said, “I’ve been interested in working with it, but I can’t get any fibre around here. There are no llamas in all Equestria!”

“That’s disappointing,” I said.

Fluttershy sulked. “Any chance you could bring me some from your world next time you pass through?” she asked, hopeful.
Noting her small collection of knitted works on a shelf, I held my iPhone in my magical grasp. “I bring this over every time, so I don’t see why not. I’d have to come up with a reason how it disappeared from my wife’s collection, though.”

“Might not be a good idea,” Fluttershy commented. “Okay!”

I smiled. “I should probably drop in on everyone else. I’ve already seen Rainbow.”

“Oh! Well, thanks for coming over,” she said, returning the smile.

I left her abode, noting it was already nearing sunset. I had arrived as the sun began to set, so I wasn’t surprised. My course of action was determined – I would head straight for Twilight’s. I would have to catch up with Pinkie Pie and Applejack tomorrow.

At least, I would have had to, if they both didn’t emerge from Sugarcube Corner at exactly the same time, screaming and hollering at each other.

“The pie was supposed to go on the left side of the rack!” Pinkie shrieked.

Applejack growled. “An’ I say it would look better on the right!”

“But the Cakes want it on the other side this time! We have to shuffle product around to keep our customers’ interest in other products!”

“If they want somethin’, they’ll find it! It’d be easier for the customers to find what they want if the products are in the same spot!”

“Customers who come in all the time would be-“

“Girls! Girls!” I said, galloping up to them. “What’s the problem?”

“Zytharros!” they said in tandem, surprised.

“Well, the Cakes want their product over on the left side of the shelf-” Pinkie began.

“-but I think it would be better for the pies to be where they were-” Applejack continued.

“-and we can’t decide who’s right or wrong!”

“It’s been a disaster all day in there! Everything’s goin’ wrong.”

“Nothing’s baking right…”

“We’re low on ingredients…”

Pinkie snorted. “And we’ve filled, like, two orders out of the hundred billion zillion we have to get out before the end of today!”

I nodded. “What ingredients are you running out of?”

Applejack listed off twenty or so ingredients.

“Oh my…” I said. “What happened to the Cakes’ supplier?”

Applejack answered, “They’re still around, but in preparation for Princess Celestia’s big birthday bash tomorrow, hosted in Ponyville this year, Sugarcube Corner’s used up most of its’ supplies.”

I frowned, concerned. Something had to be done.

“I’ll go round up Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity,” I said. “Can I get you two to get a list together for us of what you need and where to get it? I’m sure we can get it for you.”

So that’s what we spent the rest of the daylight hours doing. We gathered supplies for the frantic Earth ponies and once they had enough, helped them catch up on their orders. Each pony had their task. Eventually, Rainbow went and collected supplies, Fluttershy and I measured and mixed, Applejack supervised the baking, Rarity decorated, and Pinkie Pie brought the orders out. We filled a ton of orders, including some last-minute ones given to us by the party in charge of Celestia’s birthday foods.

Eventually, it was closing time, and we locked Sugarcube Corner up, beginning cleanup. Each and every one of us, except Rainbow Dash, was covered in flour. I got Rainbow to get us a small rain cloud for after-hours wash-downs once we had finished tidying up Sugarcube Corner, and after cleaning the shop Rainbow was all too happy to douse her friends. We faced the store, tidying up its’ appearance for tomorrow’s opening, cleaned up the kitchen, and tossed out whatever wasn’t touched.

“Where are you staying?” Rainbow asked as we broke ranks to go home, waving farewell to Pinkie who herself looked exhausted after all that work.

Applejack eyed her friend suspiciously.

“He’s stayin’ with me,” she said.

The jealous “EYE” wasn’t lost on me. I chuckled.

“He’s staying where he wants to!” Rainbow demanded.

“No, he’s comin’ with me!” Applejack exclaimed.

I sighed. “Girls, stop it…” I said.

They looked at me, both hopeful in my answer. I could tell both Rainbow and Applejack wanted to spend the night with me… but while we were baking…

“Didn’t you hear me and Shy talking in the bakery?” I asked. “I’m staying with her tonight.”

Applejack and Rainbow’s jaws hit the floor. Amongst a torrent of complaints and cries of “No fair, Fluttershy”, the yellow pony and I walked away, chuckling to each other.

“Did you see the looks on their faces?” I asked her when we were out of earshot.

She chuckled. “They were so busy baking up a storm they didn’t even notice me ask!”

“That was refreshing,” I said. “It’s nice to let loose. These past months have been a little stressful.”

“Oh? Why?” Fluttershy asked.

“Well,” I said… “We’re waiting on the birth of our first kid at home, I just put myself in line for a better-paying position at work, and the llama fibre business is really starting to take off. All this is happening all at once. I’m glad I could come to Ponyville and set my mind free for a little bit.”

“That’s a lot going on,” she mused.

I nodded. “It’s a lot of work, but we’re making more money than ever. It’s some sweet cupcakes when the money you make at your job goes strictly to fun when we can break free.”

We walked in silence, listening to the crickets in the evening air. I took a deep breath and sighed, smiling into the night.

“Princess Luna… you did an amazing job with the moon,” I commented, throwing a quick glance towards the castle.

Fluttershy smiled in agreement. “It’s bright tonight.”

We looked at each other and gave off sweet smiles, then returned to looking at the moon. A light breeze blew by, fluttering our manes and tails and blowing a small portion of post-running-of-the-leaves feathers around on the earth.

A few minutes later we arrived at Fluttershy’s. We spent a little longer awake, discussing various metal acts and putting on their music, but soon we both fell asleep in the middle of her living room floor.

The same chorus the birds sang earlier played just as we lost consciousness.

The Guardians of Harmony

The ticking continued into the next morning.

When I came down the stairs, I found one entrance of the library blocked by a mountain of books. I could barely squeeze through the other door and its multi-topic’d obstructions.

How many books did Razortongue go through last night? I asked myself, bewildered.

When I finally got through, I chuckled at the sight. Razortongue had what I estimated to be about four hundred tomes stacked around her. She was lying on another book, open-faced, drool coming out of her mouth, snoring. Occasionally muttering phrases like “guardians of the elements”, “fuckin’ shithead Crystal Fist”, and “Fluttershy… my lovely…” didn’t help either. I turned tail, glancing back at the most colourful member of our group and smirking again.

Derpy was already up and reading a newspaper, a half-empty cup of coffee parked by her right hoof. I wondered briefly if I had some competition for the “earliest-to-rise” of our group… then I looked at the clock. It was well past nine-thirty, and this time I didn’t have a headache.

“Morning, Zytharros!” Derpy said brightly. “How’d you sleep?”

I replied, “Not bad once I got used to this annoying ticking in my head. How about you?”

Derpy nodded happily. “I slept real well after all that box-moving last night.”

I listened as a shower started upstairs. “Sounds like Boomdrop’s up,” I observed.

Derpy nodded. “She’s been in there for the past hour.”

I poured myself a cup of milk. I carried the cup over to the table and sat by the golden-eyed pegasus. Knowing Boomdrop’s affinity for her tail, she was likely to be in there for another couple hours. I groaned a little and tapped my hoof.

Derpy drank another sip of coffee and returned to reading her paper. Suddenly, we heard a loud “Fuck!!” and a colossal collapse of dull thuds. We dropped what we were doing and raced to the library. Digging through the chronicles, we finally managed to pull Razortongue free. She shook herself off and looked at both of us thankfully.

“Fuckin’ chair…” she snapped. She gave her seat a light kick with a hind hoof and trotted off. “Woke up and leaned back to stretch. It didn’t fuckin’ tell me it had roller wheels on the bottom. Shit…”

I smiled. “So, what did you find last night?” I asked as we returned to the kitchen.

She shrugged. “Some shit about the Elements of Harmony needing their own individual grounds… the Guardians… Protectors… Society of Harmony… fuck… that kinda shit or something…” She gathered up oat cereal ingredients. “It was interesting, but I guess I was too fuckin’ tired to read it all. Fell asleep when it said there were seven of these fuckers…”

Through the haze of filter-less profanity, I saw a small hint of direction. I grabbed a piece of fruit and returned to her drool-filled book. I began flipping through the tome, trying to find out anything I could about this second group of Harmony. Holding my place and flipping to the title page, I read: “The Society of Protectors”.

It described in great detail about a second team of six ponies. This team was to make sure the smaller threats of Equestria were taken care of so the Elements of Harmony could rise up and deal with the bigger things and call upon them as necessary to help them out. The six Guardians of Harmony, named only as Determination, Stability, Spirit, Tact, Cheer, and Courage were each assigned an element to protect.

Historically, it had been Loyalty’s folly to choose a bearer of great arrogance and pride. This is why it was assigned the Guardian of Determination as its protector, so Loyalty’s pride would have a fixed point of focus and not be shattered forever. Kindness had always picked a demure, quiet, sensitive pony, so it needed someone of great Courage to protect it. Honesty had typically chosen a very blunt host, so blunt that at times it would drive away friends. Tact’s alliance helped it through some of the more awkward of its conversations. Stability tended to balance out Laughter’s general unpredictability and penchant for chaos. Generosity and Spirit, although having a temperamental relationship, understood their need for each other. Generosity wanting to give everything away and Spirit having the ability and mental fortitude to rein in Generosity’s selflessness. Finally, Friendship had usually wound up in the hands of the most mentally-unstable, unsure pony, so Cheer would often match well with it to bring about order. All twelve of them were centered on just one thing – the Rock of Humility.

Loyalty, Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty, and Friendship…

Determination, Courage, Stability, Spirit, Tact, and Cheer…

And Humility.

One dozen ponies.

And me in the middle.

An astonishing parallel struck my mind. What is this…? I asked of myself. Some kind of twisted take on the story of Jesus? I bit my lip out of realization, hearing the ticking. Even down to the death… even if it’s a figurative and not a literal one.

Dammit. That meant my time was drawing near – and it was likely sooner than I ever thought.

I slinked back into my chair and ran a hoof through my mane. I had never thought I would be given such a… curse? Honour? Blessing? Fate? I didn’t know. I was at a loss for words. I wasn’t worthy. I wasn’t perfect. I was a normal, average Joe with a magical ring blessed by the love of my Hero, my wife, and my pony-sister Applejack, summoned by a mythical Princess to save her land from destruction from a place nopony truly knew, yet everyone who had heard of it was in awe of… I reeled in the surreal nature of my thoughts.

I was quite literally walking in my Hero’s shoes.

A forewarning in a book I had never seen, paralleling to a book I had grown up reading and had memorized large chunks of. My mind was on the verge of exploding, imploding, and combusting all at one. I reeled again, just trying to keep up with my mind as it raced circles around my head, transforming my brain into a Wonderbolt Derby circuit.

I lowered my head in mental pain. This was a hell of a lot of information to process.

I finally knew the plan.

I finally knew my role in the story.

I finally knew…

Equestria was going to be…

my grave.

I remembered the end of the story, when my Hero, the Christ, had risen from the dead. I didn’t know if that parallel held true for me, but I was being taken headlong on a journey by Fate to find out for myself. At first, I wanted to run, but I couldn’t. I wanted to hide. That was impossible. I wanted to be angry. That didn’t do any good. I wanted to cry. That was a problem in the shocked state I was finding myself in. I didn’t know how to take this…

So I just sang the first thing that came to mind… Thousand Foot Krutch’s “My Home”…

You are my home

You are my everything when I feel so alone

You are my home

You are my shelter when all my hope is gone

You are my home

You are my everything when I feel so alone

You are my heart

You are the One when it all comes undone…

The soothing lyrics restored my mind back to a controlled state. Stability was restored.

“That was beautiful, Zytharros.”

The suddenness of the young Missourian voice caught me clear off-guard. I screamed loudly and bolted behind a table. I slowly emerged, seeing the Cutie Mark Crusaders clamor in through a window.

“I thought I heard a voice I reckinized,” Apple Bloom said.

I stood up and smiled, relieved, as the filly leapt into my winged hug, giggling in relief at finally being reunited with a face she recognized. They were a filthy mess and all of them were an unhealthy weight. They all had bruises and sores on them, and their hooves looked downright awful.

“Oh, girls…” I said, concerned. “What happened to you?”

“We’ve been trying to get home for weeks now,” Scootaloo said. “We were blown free of Ponyville by a white light. We didn’t even have anything to eat!”

“We’re so-o-o-o-o hungry-y-y-y-y…” Sweetie Belle whined. “Ponyville… We don’t even know what it’s like anymore. We just wanna go ho-o-o-o-o-ome…”

“Come here, girls…” I said. “Let’s fix you something to eat. You can tell us all what’s been going on.”

As our cook prepared breakfast for the three fillies, Boomdrop joined our group. I introduced the Cutie Mark Crusaders to the rest of the party at the table. Everyone made their respective introductions, except Derpy, who they already knew.

“So, how’d you get here?” I asked.

“Princess Celestia found us in a field a couple days away,” Scootaloo said. “She brought us outside, telling the guards to let us in.

The red-bowed pony nodded. “We ain’t been warm or comfterble in days. Whatever took over Ponyville ain’t nice.”

“Well, fu-” Razortongue began before stopping and changing her word mid-stride for the fillies “-u-u-u-udge… Crystal Fist’s really got Ponyville in a bind then.”

Scootaloo looked at her, unimpressed. “I know you were going to say ‘fuck’.”

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle gasped. The white unicorn stomped. “Scootaloo! You know what happens to colts and fillies who use that word! We’ve all been there!”

“Yeah, yeah…” Scoots said, still unimpressed. “I still don’t see what’s so wrong about it…”

Razortongue smirked. “I like her,” she said, giving a nod to the little filly. “Fuck ‘em. They don’t understand true linguistic beauty in Equestria.”

Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and I facehoofed in unison. Apple Bloom and I groaned. Scootaloo smiled widely at her new friend.

“This is going to end so well,” I deadpanned.

“You’re telling me,” Sweetie Belle replied. “Last time we said that, we got soap shoved down our throats…”

Apple Bloom made a disgusted face. “I still can’t quite get the taste of Equestrian Spring out of my mouth… Yuck…” She bit into a red delicious apple.

Within several minutes, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were bathing. Boomdrop was given the task of watching them, and Razortongue, Derpy and I retreated to the library to plan our next move. We had to find a way into the force field if we were going to save Ponyville. We did a little more research on the Guardians of Harmony and wondered who they were.

Razortongue was willing to point out the obvious, though I wasn’t yet sure.

“Well, ya got’cher… fuckin’… Derpy, Boomdrop, me, and you… but could those fuckin’ kids count for the other three?” she asked.

“Maybe,” I said. “I’m open to the possibility.”

Derpy shuddered. She was still uncomfortable with Boomdrop’s language. “Um… could you use those words a little less?” she asked.

“What?” Razortongue asked. “What words?”

“Um… f… fu-” Derpy stammered.

“Oh,” Razortongue interrupted, chuckling. “Fuck, damn, shit, bitch, bastard, ass… those kinds of words?”

Derpy nodded furiously. “I don’t like them…”

Razortongue glared, but caught me glaring at her and sighed.

“Alright…” she said reluctantly. “I’ll f… uh, try.”

The blonde-maned one smiled. “Thanks.”

Razortongue turned away and muttered, “Fuckin’ cunt…”

Derpy winced. I glared harder at Razortongue. She looked at me and groaned loudly.

“Alright, alright…” she exasperatedly said. “I’ll watch my fu-… da- tongue.”

“Thank you.” I said, smiling.

“So, what’re we f… uh… doing to bust into Ponyville?” Razortongue said, trying to catch her words. “I mean, f… uh, really? How do we get past that da-er, magical berrier?”

I smiled at the effort. “I don’t know,” I admitted. “Maybe if your band can come back together for a day or six, however long it takes to get back to Ponyville, we can use that as a gateway.”

“That’s gonna be fuckin’ impossible…” Razortongue said.

Derpy frowned. Razortongue apologized. I could see the stress of watching her tongue was getting to her a little bit.

“I don’t think it’s impossible.” Derpy said matter-of-factly. “You just need to apologize for whatever happened and move on.”

Razortongue laughed. “You really are a f… uh, simple pony, aren’t you? It’s never that simple.”

I looked at her. “It’s only complex if one party choose to make it so. Beyond that, if both parties have an open mind and a forgiving heart, it truly does become that simple.”

Razortongue continued laughing. “Both of you are so naïve…”

I shrugged. “I don’t know… It’s usually worked for me,” I replied. “Keeping things simple allowed me to keep a few friends I made as a kid, even when we drifted apart.”

The red-and-white paint wiped an eye with a forehoof. “You just don’t understand.”

“Maybe not, but here's an example from my life. Keep in mind, I don’t remember this for myself, but my best friend does,” I continued. “We were in fifth grade and in the middle of class we brawled hardcore. I don’t remember what it was over, but we made up and have remained friends since. I think that was where I learned the importance of ears over mouth.”

Razortongue threw me a questioning look. “What?”

“Listening over talking,” I replied. “If you talk too much, people eventually stop listening.”

“But it’s not my fault!” Razortongue shouted, dropping to the defensive instantly.

I kept my composure and raised a hoof slowly. “I never said that. All I said was, ‘in order to earn respect, you have to give it by listening first’. That’s the only way you get and keep friends.”

“Waitasec…” her face came to a look of shock. “That’s why nopony in the band has listened to me recently… I’m always talking.”

I nodded. “You became white noise to them, then.”

“Celestia’s wings…” Razortongue said, her demeanor dropping again. “I did do it…” She looked at me, determination in her eyes. “I got something to do. I gotta find my bi-… uh, band mates. Can you guys come and help?”

I nodded. “I’d be happy to.”

We notified Boomdrop of where we were headed. Derpy opted to stay behind to continue the research, putting a black eye patch over her wandering eye and stating it helped her focus while reading. That was another side of Derpy I didn’t know – she got confused by the placement of things in space because her other eye sent in conflicting information and she would subconsciously switch between eyes. This was how most of her accidents would occur.

With that, we set off to find the pieces of Dashcore. Our return to Ponyville wasn’t long away now.