Switched: A Soldiers Tale

by MidnightChaos

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Tirek, King Sombra, Queen Chrysalis, Slice of Life, Human, Anthro, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 8036

Equestria is in the middle of a war torn future. Sombra and Tirek, never defeated, teamed up with Queen Chrysalis to wage war upon Equestria. In the middle of the war a soldier, of amazing abilities, appears.

General Jeremiah of the USSCSO, or United States Space Corps Special Ops, died.
Of course, dying and meeting a strange woman who offers you a gun like no other is weird enough, but apparently, she was unable to regenerate him properly. Now he's found himself in the middle of a strange land filled with people who look quite a lot like the Japanese Korean Union's animation and drawings. These 'ponies' as they call themselves are humans with ears of ponies. Some have wings and some have horns. These other appendages vary in color but otherwise, they look normal.
Another thing. Landing in the middle of the enemies meeting and decking Chrysalis in the face? Probably not a good choice. Nor was the dehorning of Sombra and the castration of Tirek. Of course, when you're a USSC Special Op, you tend have bad luck, but you get used to these things and training makes you able to escape extreme situations.

Published 2015-01-11 14:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-30 19:59:57 UTC

Switched: New Mission

Switched: A Soldier’s Tale

Switched: A New Mission

For the past two centuries the US has been the leader in defending the Solarian Alliance. A massive empire of humanity and several other species who reside in the Sol system now. In the galaxy they are the number two leader in military warfare, aside from a rumored existence of a species at the center of the galaxy. This being said, their soldiers are quite apt and dedicated. Of course, that's not a fact centered on humans as they accept any and all who are willing.

Which leads us to our main character. General Jeremiah. Ranked the number one general for the past decade, a feat no one else has accomplished, he patrols the rim of the inner part of the galaxy. His scheduled promotion was to be after this next mission. An inner galactic colony had reported strange ships over the skies. They seemed to be massing around the star. Contact had yet to be initiated with the mysterious ships."Private Justin!" The general called into the comms. The general sits at six foot three and a somewhat muscular build with dark brown hair and eyes that changed with the light. At some point in an article about the USSC, that the general was, as they put it, "Androgynous, throw him in a dress, a wig, and some makeup and you'd get a noble lady from the Katar systems." Many had thought the general would be furious at such and act, but, surprisingly, he was accepted as a compliment.Naturally the magazine went back to check why so many had thought an insult. Close checks revealed a vast majority of the shipments had been misprinted. Instead of Katar, many had said Kalar, the Katar's sister system. After a quick apology it was announced the mistake and all went calm."Yes sir!" The private answered from his nearby ship."Has the enemy showed signs of hostility?" The general asked, peering through his, essentially, windshield."No sir. Aside from massing around Strix-Somna X478, they've done nothing else," The privates young voice reported as he looked over the mission details. Not to discredit the reports, but they were slightly wrong. The aliens were indeed doing something else. They were harvesting the star core. This is one of the few things that is nearly impossible to detect until the last moment."Very well, when we arrive, try to establish contact," the general answered. To which the private responded and they came to a stop about 0.24 AU from the ships."Alien ships, identify yourselves by species and planet of origin!" Private Justin called out in the customary call to an unidentified species."Wareware son o posljednji vyaktiharūlā'ī af A*ska. Hai lu wen astari," was the response. The Universal translator had failed to properly decipher the language. Strangely it sounded familiar. Very familiar."Private! Set it to max language!" The general called out."Yes sir, general," called the private.After a moment the message spoke up in English. "We are the Last Ones of Anomal. We came for the star.""The star? Why?" The general asked."For our eternal bliss," it responded.And at that moment, the core was harvested. If you know what a star core is, then you know the consequences. The star core is the only section of the star that is solid. Naturally, the nuclear reactions continue. The star loses gravity and explodes outwards. The result is catastrophic. It eliminates every structure.The reaction destroyed three star systems and killed all but the Last Ones. Or should have, if it weren’t for the interference of a certain void-dwelling woman. Essence, or The Musician, had finished her previous duties with someone called Amnesia and was now scanning worlds when she happened upon the general. Mid-explosion she pulled him out.Due to her credit, she always offered, even though it was only a few times, the chance to go back to their world. Some accepted. Some didn’t. Her main point was to never pull them out of a normal situation and she had yet to.Most people generally accepted her three main rules.

Draw, out of her hat, a random number of powers.

Do not buy from the Merchant.

Squirrels are little bastards. Don’t trust them.

Of course many questioned the third rule. To which she responded, “Ignore that one for now. Little bastards owe me money.”

The exchange between Essence and the general was slightly different.

        “I’m dead or was dying?”        “Yes.”        “You saved me?”        “Yes again.”        “I can go home or go to another world?”        “Well, yes, but the other world isn’t exactly something you can choose. Going home would likely mean death. I can’t interfere directly by teleporting you somewhere else.”        “Very well. If I go to this other world, what will you grant me?”        “Seeing as you’re a soldier I can offer you a few things. A new gun. Combat suits. Supplies such as ammo. Maybe immortality as long as you aren’t wounded mortally. Sickness would be quite miniscule.”        “Why? Do I have to be a bodyguard for you? Something else?”        “Not my style. Besides. I have no need for a bodyguard. My ONLY request is that you stand with me before someone called, The Merchant. That’s all. I give you another chance for life, you help me with just one thing.”        “Then I accept.”        “Very well. If you’ll take this.”        She held out a ring. Light blue and a design of a trident on it, it was actually very pleasing to look at. ‘This will allow you to summon me.”        The general nodded. Essence smiled and shook the general’s hand. With a snap of her fingers, she sent him off.

Canterlot Castle, Throne Room        Celestia, Luna, Twilight, Cadence, and Discord had gathered around a table. A square one because Celestia had insisted. She had a strange dislike of round ones. They were conversing and waiting for the usual visual message from Sombra, Tirek, and Chrysalis.        “Auntie, I don’t think we can take another attack like that. A force of 10,000 changelings wielding swords of crystals? And double their natural magic?” were the words Cadence was speaking.        “I know this Cadence. I’ve seen war before, though not in over a millenia,” spoke the white alicorn. A fizzing noise echoed through the hall and she spoke again. “Quiet.”        With a fizzle and pop an image appeared floating above the table, as per usual. In the scene, three humanoids sat on three thrones. Tirek, stealer of magic and harmony. Sombra, king of crystals and harbinger of darkness. Chrysalis, queen of bugs and transmutation.        “Ready to surrender yet, Celestia?” spoke Sombra.        “Obviously not, Sombra,” answered the alicorn.        “Why-” the dark man was interrupted by a whistling noise, a loud crash, and a woman landing on their table, smashing it into smithereens. The woman in question looked unharmed. Of course what she did next… not quite so innocent.        With a yelp, she spun around, decked Chrysalis in the face as hard as she could, grabbed Sombra by the tail, swung him at Tirek, castrating him, and snapped Sombra’s horn in her hand. Afterwards, she sprinted out the door and left the three villains groaning on the floor. Tirek was sobbing uncontrollably as was Sombra. Her punch had either left Chrysalis with a concussion or knocked her out.        After sprinting out the door, the girl leapt out of a window, onto a lower building, and tumbled across it. Thank god for training, she thought as she stood up. She slid down the fire escape and stood panting in the alleyway. After recovering she dug through the bag she held. After pulling out something she put it on. When she glanced down, she was nearly ready to murder Essence.        “A maid’s uniform? Really? If it weren’t for the fact that you said everything in here had combat abilites…” she muttered. “And the name Abigail?”        Completely dressed, she left the alleyway. Which to her surprise, led her directly to a purple eared person with a horn. Beside her stood a another with both wings and a pink horn. Abigail looked at both of them. They had a formal air to them.        “Political leaders, I take it?”        “She’s quick, huh Twilight?” asked the pink one.

“Trained, I’m inclined to think,” Twilight said, “I’m Twilight Sparkle. This is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. She prefers Cadence. We’re here to ask you for help.”

Switched: Matriarchal Monarchs

Switched: Matriarchal Monarchs

If you've ever met a ruler, small country or otherwise, you'd know most have a certain air of dignity. Some, one of superiority. Others of scorn, so imagine the surprise Abigail had when she met Celestia, Luna, and Discord. Each one of them cared deeply for the ponies they watched over. Even Discord in Wunderland.

Wunderland is much like the human Wonderland. Creatures of Chaos live there with Discord as a, surprisingly, good king. He failed to mention this when he was imprisoned. Try running a country while encased in stone.

"Good afternoon, miss?" asked Celestia, who was sitting on her throne.

"It's Abigail," was the woman's response. "Abigail Grecia."

"Pleased to meet you Miss Grecia," Celestia said, smiling. Abigail looked at the Princess with a no emotion, seemingly blank.

"Don't call me Miss. I know why I'm here. You saw what happened when I arrived," Abigail spoke, still emotionless.

"Alright, and you do?" Celestia asked, seemingly honest.

"Yes. I saw your vision thing. I'm very observant. For instance. On the back of your left hoof, an inch or two from the floor is a crumb of cake. My guess is you have a habit of using it as comfort food," Abigail monotoned.

Celestia's eye twitched. "Oh? Anything else?"

"Yeah. You're walking weird. Either you're in heat, and had sex with a guard, or you lost one of your toys up there," Abigail said.

Celestia's eye twitched faster. "How do you know I'm not experiencing digestion difficulties?"

Abigail looked at Celestia, then to the bed, then to Celestia. "That."

Celestia turned around and walked out. "LUNA! YOU DEAL WITH HER!"

The sound of huffing and loud footsteps echoed away. A blue alicorn entered.

"Abigail I take it?" She asked.

"Yes," she answered.

Luna looked at the bed. "Oh. I didn't think she was that pent up. No wonder that guard had to leave."

"Yup," Abigail said.

"Anyways, I'd like to ask you something," Luna turned back to Abigail. "We need you help. Our country, no, our world is in danger. Please. Help us."

"Alright," Abigail said.

Luna gasped, "But you didn't ask why..."

Abigail sighed and looked at Luna. "When the world is dead and gone. The sun has sang it final song, and the magic is all done, what will be left but the tranquility of the moon? I am Abigail Grecias, The Stealth Gun, The Feet of the Wind. The moon is yours, its light will find your enemies. Should you need the sniper of the moon, I will arrive." With that she tossed something into the air that began to glow. When the light faded, a sniper gun, unlike any other was in the air above her. A deep blue, it hummed with power. Abigail spun her finger underneath it, grabbed it, and fired.

The bullet she fired was of pure, bright moonlight. The bullet would pierce all but a few things. She nodded and tossed it up where it split into multiple copies and disappeared. Abigail looked back down at Luna. "This is a world of decisions, as all are, and my decision has been made. It is my time to change this world for the better."

A Week Later

Abigail rushed forward, sword swinging. All soldiers in the Equestria army are issued one. The sword cleaved through the changelings like butter. Abigail's spinning and swinging had quickly become the tings the changelings feared the most. They called it "The Dance of Shattering Worlds".

Faster, dodge, faster. The same two words, drilled into her mind from her original training, repeated themselves in Abigail's mind. Faster, dodge, faster. Abigail leapt over another changeling. Suddenly a large changeling rushed at her and nearly broke her dance. Abigail danced backwards.

"Hello Queen Bug," Abigail said, "I see you're trying to kill me again today."

"MY NAME IS CHRYSALIS!" The changeling queen rushed forward. Abigail rolled to the side as the claymore the bug wielded rushed past. Abigail pulled out her gun.

"If I didn't know it, actually everyone knows it, then I'd think you," Abigail gestured at Chrysalis,"were a masochist." Chrysalis yelled in rage and tried rushing forward. Abigail's joking manner vanished as she tossed a Night Guard to the side.

A bullet spun forward and smashed into the base of the queen's horn. She dropped to her knees, screaming. "You're lucky," Abigail pressed the gun onto Chrysalis's head, "I see you as an opponent. A terrible one, but an opponent. I'll make sure your body is awarded a proper burial," Abigail got ready to fire when the changeling queen did something unexpected.

"FINALLY," she gasped, exhausted. "My mother has been running us dead. Always impersonating her during a fight." The large changeling had a wave of green pass over her. In her place sat a rather beautiful girl. Instead of the black chitin, the changeling was a deep blue, with no holes. Her wings, instead of bug-like, were much like a butterfly's. Her hair was the same shade of green, but better kept.

"You're a changeling? A daughter of Chrysalis?" Abigail asked.

"Yes. I am Princess Chitia," she said.

"And you side with?" Abigail asked.

"Whoever doesn't expect me to die in their place," she said.

"Welcome then," Abigail reached down and offered her her hand. The changeling princess took it and stood up. She looked out past the multitude of changelings.

"Well, that's a lost cause," she muttered.

Switched: A Crossing Fight

The sky rent itself apart over the sunny city of Canterlot, revealing a massive swirling portal that seemed to glow with colors that mortal minds were not meant to see. Specifically, it glowed with six hundred and eighty two colors that, separately, would do nothing to a living mind. Together, they formed a light show that drove any onlookers into an intense urge to eat meat, had they tasted it before. Those who hadn’t simply continued on with their day.

A shame that only one person was there to see it. Abigail, the only human of this world and supersoldier of Equestria peered at the portal in a face that showed nothing more than mild annoyance.

With a loud shriek, another human, this one bearing strong reptilian traits such as a tail and claws, tumbled through the portal, slamming into Abigail and sending them both to the ground in an incredibly awkward heap of limbs.

“Ahh…. shit… that hurt… at least I’m on thi...s… oh. Oh shit.” Noticing a second too late where he was, Drake’s hands unfortunately squeezed the assets of the being pinned below him on reflex.

"Are you done?" Asked the owner of the mounds.

“Ah… you’re not pissed. That’s a first.” Drake slowly stood and offered his hand to Abigail, “Sorry about that… you must've summoned me at a bad time.”

"I never summoned you. I was here talking with Chitia and you dropped in," she said, looking at him and using his hand to pull herself up.

“Then… wait… what!? Okay, that’s weird. Restart, I’m Drake Long, aka SCP 682. And whose world am I currently inhabiting?”

"Mine. I'm Abigail, Punisher of Chrysalis, Tirek, and Sombra, and the War Maiden. Random summons are quite common, who was your informant on the Displaced?" She inquired.

“A guy named Don. I accidentally rampaged through my Universe when I was mind controlled and his alternate personality was in charge. We… uh… it was messy.”

"Ah. Well, here’s a copy of this," she deadpanned, handing him a book, "it has all the Displaced information you may need. I got it from my Displacer, Essence. You're likely from the Merchant."

“I… okay? Uh, if you hadn’t noticed, I don’t really have a lot of room to put this thing,” Drake motioned at his mostly pocket-less prison uniform, the three pockets on the entire thing only large enough to hold a single hand each.

"It folds up for easy storage," she quickly folded it into a smaller portable version, "that being done, I suggest you read up on Essence. The book is organized powerscale wise. She'll be near the end, a Meta."

“Huh. That’s cool. So, what do guys do for fun around here?” the reptilian teen asked, putting the book into his shirt pocket.

"I usually end up being called out for a battle so I have little to no idea," she shrugged.

Drake shrugged and looked around, “Well, battle’s good too, I guess. So… where the hell are we?”

"Right outside of Canterlot," she answered, gesturing behind him.

“Huh. Architecture’s different from what I’m used to. So, any big events happening? A war? A skirmish? Insurgency?”

"War with Chrysalis, Sombra, and Tirek. I've wounded them, when I landed here that is. Celestia has me running the army."

Drake turned in a circle, taking in the sights, “Y’know, that could be fun. I mean, I was pestering Doc Mind for a bit of excitement anyway.”

"Be my guest. Only reason Celestia gave me control was because of how much I messed up that trio. I'll tell her you can stay so she won't lock you up." Abigail reached into her pocket and pulled out a phone-like device. She tapped a few keys and put it away. "Done. Their tech here is so primitive that that thing looks like fire to a caveman, yeesh."

“Differences between Universes, I guess. My world has stuff that goes up to… I think around 80’s level tech, though magic makes up the difference and boosts it to a lot higher.”

"80s? My lord... What year are you from?" She raised an eyebrow.

“On earth, 2020. On Equestria… I dunno, never checked the calendar for more than the month and day. But Equestria is 80’s tech. Earth was… well, it had the iPhone 8.”

"I was from the year... 1,596,953 AD," she said, flicking her hand, "Dunno about Equestria."

“Jesus shit that’s a long way in the future….” Drake muttered, plopping down on his curled tail as if it were a large scaly pillow.

"Eh, I adapted, then again, we had some time travel," Abigail said, pondering.

Then the both of them stumbled as the earth shook with the sound of explosions. Stabilizing themselves, they looked around for the source of the interruption only to find a massive army headed toward Canterlot.

Abigail gazed over and squinted before speaking, "Around 15,000 strong, I'd say they have around 60 catapults, enough ammo to launch each 7 times. They have smaller explosives but their weapons lack. They only carry swords."

“From just a single look, eh?” Drake squinted off at the army, noticing the variety of races present, “Hey, Abigail, what races make up this army and what abilities do they have?”

"The main front forces are changelings, crystal drones, and brainwashed ponies. The drones are very resilient but slow, changelings are self explanatory, shape changing bugs, the ponies are the weakest. There are mercenaries of minotaurs and a few centaurs. Minotaurs are strong but stupid. Centaurs are agile and best at range. Honestly, we could take them," she finished explaining.

“Tch. Nothing worth assimilating. Well, I guess shape changing bugs could work for a hasty disguise…” Drake sniffed, clearly not at all intimidated by the advancing army, “Any way to break the mind control?”

"I could do this," she spoke, "Agility vx," and her clothing changed to a lighter type. She turned around and left a dust cloud before Drake saw Tirek double over, and disappear in dust. Next to him, Abigail held the already injured, priorly castrated idiot. "And, three... Two... One."

“Aww man. I wanted to have some fun…” Drake whined before shifting into Kaiju Basilisk form and shooting off towards the army like a mach 3 flaming meteor strike.

Abigail grinned and tossed Tirek backwards. "Someone who knows how to have fun." She raced forward and began the "Dance of Shattering Worlds."

Meanwhile, in Canterlot Castle, Shining Armor watched as the huge army was destroyed in barely two minutes by Abigail and a one thousand foot long flaming winged snake with laser beams. In short, he pissed himself.

Then the snake looked straight at his position and smiled. At which point the stream increased and he went flying out of room screaming for his mommy.

Back on the battlefield, Drake was somewhat happier than he had been earlier. As it turned out, the changelings actually did have useful material to assimilate, as he could now hold whatever form he wanted, even if it was only if the form had nearly the same body shape as him.

Abigail meanwhile was cleaning her sword and directing freed ponies towards Canterlot. She looked over to Drake, "Get something good out of this?"

“Well, now I can shape change a lot easier. That changeling DNA helped a lot… even if they tasted like cockroaches mixed with pork.”

"Ugh. That sounds awful as a flavor. Anyways, good, hopefully that helps," she grimaced before smiling.

“Yeah, it’s pretty terrible. So, that’s done. Now what?”

“Hell if I know,” she shrugged. “I dunno. How about pie? Pie sounds awesome.”

Switched: Alcohol Devestation

“Yes it does. Shall we?”

"Onwards!" They began a march to find some pie, and finally marched into the castle due to strange business hours.

Drake pouted and wiped some wasted bakery-employee-blood off his hands, muttering, “Honestly, why is it so difficult to get pie in this goddamn city?” He inspected his clothes, idly picking at the numerous bloodstains and gore-clumps adorning both him and his clothing.

"Attacks. And we look strange to them. Lets have the castle chef whip up some shall we?" She asked, lounging in a chair.

“Sounds good to me.” Drake flagged down a rather startled servant, asking her to get the both of them some pie. “Hey, Abigail, what kinda pie you want?”

"Cherry. With a bit of cider or alcohol," she answered, monotonously.

“Huh, interesting choice. I’ll take apple. Also, get me some alcohol. I feel like right now’s as good a time as any to see if I can get drunk or not.” Drake ordered, sending off the poor mare with nary a second glance.

"So. Feel free to look through that Tome while we wait," she said, dismissively.

Drake flipped through the Tome, idly scanning through the pages. “Ben, eh, he’s an asshole. I know that much. Sorta okay-ish, but waaaaaay prone to overreacting. Kat was kinda a bitch… didn’t know she was named Allison, though. Team Rocket? Meh. Boring. Geo the Charizard? Meh, I could take him. Majin Buu? Now there’s a rival worth getting behind! Jason was sorta a prick, but he had a good reason, in hindsight. Crow Murder… teleporter… maybe I’ll ask for a blood sample. Aaron Heibai…. whoo… chills up my spine. Definitely don’t wanna piss this guy off if just reading his name does that…”

"Essence oughta be next. I haven't dug through the book much," Abigail commented.

“Essence…. more chills… Jesus, if they send chills up the spine of someone who’s basically indestructible…” Drake shuddered, only then noticing the mare bearing plates full of pie and alcohol. “Oh sweet! Pie’s here! Thanks.” He took the plates and set them before him and Abigail, already uncorking the bottle of mysterious alcohol. “This smells like… vodka? Huh. Cool. Never had much of that stuff on Earth, preferred the lighter beers myself.” Drake shrugged and took a swig, waiting for the effects to hit him.

"Ah. They brought Celestia's stock. Brilliant!" Abigail downed a decent sized drink.

Drake pouted, “I can’t feel a damn thing. Maybe if I tried….” And with a single, swift movement, he emptied out the entire bottle into his gullet.

"Is that a challenge?" Abigail grinned.

Drake shrugged and popped open another bottle, “Not really, but you’re more than welcome to drink obscene amounts of alcohol.” Another bottle emptied, still no reaction. “Seriously? Nothing? Tch. Times like these when I wish I didn’t regenerate and adapt so quickly.”

Abigail leaned towards Drake, "Wanna mess with Celestia?"

“Sure, how so?” Drake replied, still downing entire bottles of hard liquor without a sweat.

"We drink every drop of alcohol in Canterlot," she said, a twinkle in her eyes.

Drake’s eyes literally shone with internal flame, “If you think we can, let’s.” He proceeded to down the last bottle of vodka at the table. “Uh, we’re gonna need to get more alcohol first,” he muttered, standing up and leaving behind a massive gore stain upon the upholstery of the chair.

"Onward my fine fellow," she grinned evilly.

Ice Cold’s Bar and Grill, 4 pm. Bars destroyed: 0

Drake smashed through the doors of the bar, grabbing random ponies’ drinks and downing them in single swigs, ignoring their cries of protest. Anypony that got too uppity received a slap upside the head with the flat side of his tail blades.

Abigail dove in the back and started guzzling the drinks behind the bar. The bartender that tried to stop her recieved a very loud, and strangely, fiery burp. Drake continued his slaughter of random ponies’ alcohol, kicking them aside gently while downing glass after glass of various alcohols. A fiery stream of liquid burst from his mouth as he burped, spraying the bar with the smell of napalm. The liquid remained alight, causing the bar itself to slowly catch fire.

“Uh, hey Abigail?” Drake spoke using a quickly generated mouth on his hand, still chugging down a glass of unidentifiable ale.

"Yeah?" She asked between bottles.

“We should probably pack up. I accidentally burped out a stream of napalm and the bar is now on fire.” Drake was now beside Abigail, chugging down bottles at an entirely absurd rate. He even had bottles emptying into mouths that had no right to be there, bottles sticking out of strange orifices in his upper body.

"Alright," she finished three bottles and made for door, grabbing the few ponies left, taking them with her.

Drake sniffed and his flesh unfolded like unto a massive flower, strange and horrifying growths and tendrils spreading out to consume all the alcohol left in the bar. Once the bottles were finished and the entire stock had been drained, Drake refolded back into himself and strode out of the now blazing inferno, terrifying the crowd of onlookers and firefighters outside with his strange appearance and currently on fire status.

Abigail gestured at Drake, "You got a little something...everywhere."

“Hmm?” Drake glanced down at his flaming body, completely unconcerned that his flesh was charring and melting right off of him. As his left eyeball burst into a spray of boiling fluid and gore, he looked up, half his entire face missing, the other half staring forward in a completely deadpan expression. “So I do. Could I get some water here?” he asked, motioning at the completely terrified firefighters.

Abigail frowned' "Gentlemen, help my friend."

The chief shook his head, "Yes General." They moved a cloud and the unicorns directed the water. Drake stood under the shower, flames slowly dying out as his flesh repaired and un-charred, still taking sips from one last vodka bottle that he’d manage to procure from inside his flaming chest cavity. As the last of the flames died out and his body finally finished healing, he strode up to Abigail and saluted the firefighters. “Hey thanks guys. So, Abigail, wanna keep going?”

"How many bars left you think?"

“I dunno. As many as we can before we get arrested for destroying them all?” Drake counted on his fingers, then his toes, then his tail spines, then started counting out little flesh tendrils. “... I’m thinkin’ maybe…. forty? At least forty. Yeah.”

"We can make those in around an hour."

Drake shrugged, “I figure we got at least six hours. So… two hundred and forty. Then we can raid private stashes, yeah?”

"Yup," Abigail pulled a bottle from who knows where.

“The hell did you get that from?” Drake stared at the bottle, slightly perplexed. Then he shrugged and grabbed the nearest pony by the scruff of their neck, “Yo, where’s the nearest bar?”

The shivering pony shakily pointed off to the east, “F-four -blocks do-own…. Lucky Horseshoe’s… c-can’t miss it…” Drake dropped the pony and loped off, patiently waiting for Abigail to catch up.

She came skipping towards him and sipping the bottle. "Let's go."

Black Ale’s Pub, 8 PM. Bars destroyed: 173.5

“So and then I was like, ‘Rip and Tear! RIP AND TEAR!’ and then everyone pissed themselves!” Drake cackled as he patted out another smoking spot on his jumpsuit, wings extended and twisted into a makeshift basket containing hundreds of empty bottles and cans. Drake’s explanation had been something along the lines of, “Littering in someone else’s world is pretty shitty”.

"I love scaring ponies. Humans just jump, ponies? Best reactions around," Abigail snickered, holding multiple bottles.

Drake downed another bottle and tossed it into his skin-basket, still snickering. By now he had begun to feel a slight tingle, not enough to be called drunk, but still enough to be called slightly buzzed. “Ah man, but back on my world, it’s full a’ humans with the same reactions as ponies! Bunch a’ softies! I fucking blast a hole through five reinforced walls and they all piss themselves and run like a bunch of bitches!”

Abigail laughed, being so drunk she was sober. "That's priceless!"

“I know, right!?” Drake shrieked out his laughter, scaring the dickens out of every pony around. Up ahead, Black Ale’s pub stood, the patrons inside being the kind you’d find in any stereotypical biker bar.

Welcome to the lower class slums of Canterlot. Remember to wipe the blood off when returning to high society.

"Ok, this is the last one," Abigail grinned.

Drake shrugged, and skipped up to the door, shooting a teasing wink at Abigail. “What, you done already? C’mon, Abby! Y’can’t be drunk yet~! The night is still hella young!”

"Bar wise, of course," she answered.

“Wait, is this the last bar in the city!?” Drake stared at the door as the patrons inside finally took notice of the two outside.

"Yup! I had the guards round up the private stashes in the castle," she smirked.

“... Was that what you did while I set bar 45 on fire?” Drake mused, pushing the door open and immediately snatching away a random biker-pony’s drink amid heavy protest.

"It was when you flooded number 89," she laughed, grabbing a tankard.

“I had no idea that my laser eyes would hit that water main! …. Or the sewage main….” Drake shuddered, punched out an angry pony’s lights and stole his beer, downing it in a single gulp. “Anyway, I guess we can head out after this one. Still kinda sucks that I can’t get drunk, though. Honestly, a whole hundred and seventy bars completely emptied, and I’m still barely buzzed!”

"You might get lucky, if not, a void person might help," Abigail said.

“Yeah, fat chance of that happening.” Drake muttered, continuing to punch out the now mobbing patrons. Once again, various tendrils of flesh and bone jutted out of his body, emptying bottles, cans, and glasses into oddly placed orifices.

"Ask the Tome, it knows a shit ton," she guzzled down a barrel.

Drake consulted the massive book as his tail sliced a barrel’s top off, sliding inside and absorbing the liquor inside at a frightening rate.

“Hmm…. Maybe… Y’think Sanguine would help? He is the Daedric Prince of Debauchery.” At this point, every single other patron had been knocked out and tossed into a pile outside the door, each one bearing either a black eye or a busted jaw.

"No clue who that is," Abigail shrugged, grabbing another barrel.

“Eh, guess not, then.” Drake shrugged and attacked the back room, unfolding and rippling into tendrils of biomass and impaling hundreds of containers at once, a deluge of alcohol flooding his system as he reveled in the feeling of thousands of kilo-liters of alcohol racing through his system.

"Ask it for the Services section," Abigail said through a mouth full of liquor.

“Eh, nah. I’m good.” Drake retracted back into his normal form, licking a droplet of wine from his finger. “Hey, Abby, I just thought of something really weird.”

"What's that?"

“I’m a shapeshifter, yeah? So… Y’think I can turn into a girl…?” Drake mused, flesh already rippling and bubbling as he pulled another bottle from a shelf, not even bothering to check the label as he downed it.

"Probably," Abigail said, "If you want."

“I think I’m gonna try it!” Drake roared as his flesh bubbled and changed, smoothing out and losing its pasty color, changing into such a pale shade that it nearly seemed white. His tail lengthened as he shrunk in height, curves filling out and hair lengthening, turning from black with green stripes to a solid ebony, with two streaks of bright green framing his (her?) face. Eyelashes lengthened and facial structure smoothed out, lips plumping and body slimming.

When the transformation finished, Drake stood in all hi-her glory, a fairly tall woman with a swishing, bladed tail and pointed ears, with claws on her hands and feet and fangs in her shark-like grin. “Ohhhh yeah~” She murmured, running her eyes and hands over her body. “I make this look good.”

Abigail clapped, "Nice." She guzzled a barrel of wine. "All I change is my physical abilities." A second later a ding sounded. Abigail looked up to find a video message.

"Heyo! Its me! So Abigail," the woman said, "Hello Drake as well. Anyway, I put a few more battle suits in your inventory. I just kinda found them so you can test them. Adieu!" The message cut off.

Drake sashayed up to Abigail, leaning over her shoulder, “So… who was that?”

"Essence. She can pop in at really random times," Abigail said, grabbing a new barrel. At this point the entire bar was on its last two barrels. Drake shrugged, scratched at her left breast idly, and impaled her fist through the wood of the last barrel, flesh once more unfolding and absorbing all the liquid inside.

“So… now what?” Drake asked, withdrawing her fist and shaking out the splinters.

"To the castle," Abigail grinned.

Drake grinned back and spat out a glob of burning saliva. “Let’s go then!”

Canterlot Castle, 8:30 PM. Bars destroyed: 174.5

Drake strode into the castle, hips swaying and tail swishing, already licking her lips in anticipation of the alcohol inside.

"Voila, I had them put it in the throne room," Abigail smirked.

“Oh Celly must be so confused right now~” Drake smirked and rushed away, racing towards the throne room.

"She and the others went to the Crystal Empire," Abigail said, "and left me in charge."

“....” A devious smirk spread Drake’s lips, the lizardgirl racing off even faster now.

Outskirts of Canterlot, 12 AM. Bars destroyed: 174.5. Castles defaced: 1. Mansions defaced: 54. Ponies knocked out: 1203. Guards knocked out: 44. Debauchery score: 11/10

Drake raced around, over, under, and through a massive crowd of enraged ponies, slapping aside their pathetic attempts to hurt him with nary a backwards glance. She giggled and slapped her ass at the gathered crowd, taking to the air at mach 2.

Abigail was lounging in a chair nearby. Drake circled through the air, chased by pegasi at every turn and picking up speed as she went. Finally, with an earth shattering kaboom, the air tore itself asunder in a massive ripple of blood red light, Drake descending at mach ten, trailing a trail of deep red. Every pegasi in the air dropped out of the sky from the force of the shockwave, and when Drake slammed back into the earth, she knocked out every other pony from that impact.

“Well, that was fun,” she mused, striding up to Abigail and stopping with a cocky pose, hand on her hip. “Well, what did you think of the Sonic Bloodboom (Title Pending)?”

"Pretty cool," Abigail nodded. Drake frowned and leaned over Abigail.

“Oh come on, ‘pretty cool’? That’s it?” She pouted adorably, poking Abigail on the nose. “I think going at mach ten and actually creating a shockwave powerful enough to be blood red deserves more than a ‘pretty cool’.”

"Ok, it was awesome," Abigail smiled.

“Much better.” Drake grinned and sat on the arm of the chair. “Say, what was your life like before you got Displaced?”

"Fairly similar, just male and more tech," Abigail frowned.

Drake blinked and put a hand to her cheek, “Male? The hell happened to you to give you… well…” She motioned at Abigail’s body, “... y’know…”

"Essence, my Displacer, I almost died and she had to give me a new body," Abigail said.

“Ouch. I feel lucky to have just had my mind shoved into a male body…” Drake muttered, shifting back to his male form once more. “Seriously, even if it weren’t male, at least I’m a shapeshifter.”

"Yeah," Abigail frowned, "It was definitely weird."

“Well, at least you got a bunch of nifty stuff out of it.” Drake shrugged. “I mean, I guess it’s not as cool as being nigh-unkillable, but still.”

“True, true,” Abigail nodded. Catching a glimpse of flash of light outside the castle, “Crap. You should probably go, they’re back.”

“.... Who, the Princesses?” Drake asked, idly scratching his cheek.

“Yeah,” Abigail said, squinting out the window, “It looks like the noble’s have distracted them for now.”

Drake shrugged, “Eh, I mean, is them being here a problem for either of us? Well, other than having drank literally every last drop of alcohol in the entire damn city, of course.”

“Not for me, the princess may think you’re a minion of Chrysalis or something, they’re ridiculously paranoid lately,” Abigail said.

Drake snorted, “Well, I kinda fucked up most of bug bitch’s army right there, so I highly doubt she’ll think that once I explain how I murdered most of them.”

“True enough,” Abigail said, “However…” Abigail pointed towards the door as the sounds of hoofsteps echoed, “She’ll be pissed about the alcohol, and, I’m not sure about your Celestia but this one is the ‘shoot-first, ask questions later’ type.”

“Can she annihilate matter instantly?” Drake asked, still rather unconcerned.

“I think it depends on how pissed she is,” Abigail said.

“.....” Drake blinked, “..... I left a lot of spare biomass all over the city. I’ll be fine…. probably.”

“Fair enough, but I’d still like to send you home to be safe. Any idea how I do that?”

Drake shrugged, “Deus ex Machina?”

“Um, one sec…” Abigail pulled out her Book of Displaced and scanned through it before tapping a page, “Here it is. Drake, our contract is fulfilled.”

Drake promptly vanished in a puff of weirdness, leaving no trace of him behind save for the faint scent of blood.

“And, three...two...one,” Abigail finished counting and Celestia, literally on fire, blasted through the door.

“YOU LITTLE!” The raging fireball princess screamed.

“Here we go again,” Abigail rolled her eyes.

Switched: Meeting New Warriors

Abigail was about to get creamed by a raging Celestia when she heard a gun shot and was pulled away, relieved, into another world.

"So, how're things coming along?" Gilgamesh asked, stepping in with a plate of sandwiches and a side salad, a 'Kiss the Cook' apron over his armor.

Amnesia gestured towards a massive pile of armor, "Well enough. That reminds me," he unsheathed a strange sword and tossed it to Gilgamesh. "Try it out." He crossed his arms.

Gilgamesh examined the blade. “Nicely made. Simple, yet effective,” he muttered as he twirled the sword in his fingers. “Feels good in the hand, nice grip.” He threw the blade up and caught in the guard, balancing it on one finger. “Perfectly balanced,” he continued before tossing it up again and catching it. He then looked around and picked up a wooden chair. “Let’s test it’s edge,” he said as he pulled his arm back.

“Be careful, it tends to-” he watched as Gilgamesh sliced a hole through the world and a Displaced token flew out, “do that.”

“Well… that’s unexpected,” Gilgamesh thought aloud. “What’s that?” he asked noticing the token, which looked like an pistol.

“Not sure,” Amnesia picked it up and he and Gilgamesh heard a woman’s voice, I am Abigail Grecia, Mercenary of a Thousand Swords, Gun-Slayer, and the General of the Celestial Army, call upon me in times of need and I shall help. May Madness be with you. Amnesia’s eyes went wide. “Now that’s interesting.”

“Be careful. I’ve met others whose words have power, and I can tell the way that she said ‘Madness’ that this is one of them. Though honestly, I’m used to that word being ‘Understanding.’” Gilgamesh warned. “Still, that doesn’t mean this Abigail is a bad person, just watch your step.”

Amnesia snickered. “Actually, Madness is a name. You remember that Displacer I told you about? Yeah, that’s her other name.” Amnesia aimed the pistol into the hole before reaching down and switching its ammo with his own cartridge. He pointed it straight at the hole and fired. As soon as the bullet hit the tear, it closed. “Ha! They work!”

The two were interrupted by a woman in a maid’s uniform appearing in the room. “Who called?” she demanded.

“... Think non-sexy thoughts, think non-sexy thoughts, think non-sexy thoughts,” Gilgamesh muttered under his breath as he tried to pull his gaze away from the new arrival.

Amnesia rolled his eyes and offered a hand to Abigail, “I’m Amnesia, a blacksmith, and this is Gilgamesh. We’re in his world. I take it you’re Essence’s Displaced?”

Abigail nodded, “Yes. May I ask why you called?”

"Hey, he called, not me. Although I am currently try to supply and train a military to keep this world from getting destroyed. Any kind of product or service you can offer?" Gilgamesh asked.

Abigail gave a bored look and looked over at Amnesia, “Is he serious?” She sighed, “I’m a Merc. You buy service.”

Amnesia winced, “If that’s the case, I’ll pay. Anything specific you want?”

Abigail tilted her head, “Bullets, a cloak, and…”

"A sword?" Gilgamesh suggested, holding up the blade.

Abigail nodded, “Sure. I’ll take a sword.”

Amnesia nodded, “I can get anything you need as for the cloak… One sec.” He aimed the gun at the wall, it tore a hole, and he reached inside and pulled out a bunch of cloth. “Cool. That worked. I’ll make the cloak. Give me a second.”

The cloth began to glow and disappeared before a decent length cloak appeared. “Here.” He tossed it to her.

She caught it and put it on. “This’ll do.” The cloak had the same model look as Quantum-Phoenix Blue from Destiny.

"Sweet. Oh, Amnesia, do I have to worry about my soldiers cutting open holes in reality with every swing? Because that could get in the way," Gilgamesh asked.

“No. That was a test, the real swords are right here,” he picked one up from the floor and tossed it to Gilgamesh. “Test it but be careful.”

Gilgamesh gave it a quick swipe in the air, only for a blade of wind to extend several feet away from it and cut a gash into the wall. The warrior blinked for a few moments, processing what happened, before turning back to Amnesia.

“Once again, was that the sword or was that me?” he asked.

“The sword,” Amnesia grabbed another one, “The metal so sharp this is about as dull as it will go for now.”

Abigail’s eyes followed both swords and as he swung, she kept an eye on it. “Does mine do that?”

“No, it cuts the fabric of reality,” Amnesia answered matter-of-factly.

"I'm gonna need to change my training regiment for these new weapons," Gilgamesh muttered. "So, how's the armor doing?"

“I’m around, oh, 400,000 in, give or take a couple thousand,” he answered, turning around and tossing a few more pieces into the pile.

"You're taking into account the different body types too, right? Also, is there any way for us to repair or reforge them? I mean we already proved they're not indestructible, and it would be really inconvenient if we couldn't maintain them."

“I’m going to put a repair spell into the gems. It’ll only work a few times some I’m making a bunch with just repair spells,” Amnesia gestured to a pile of amulets, “The body types are easy enough, I just think of the type of armor they would need and presto.”

“Perfect. Now, maybe you’d like to take a break? I made this meal for the both of us, and you’ve still got a lot more armors to make. The griffons alone number a little of one million,” he said gesturing to sandwiches and salad he had set down. He then turned to Abigail. “You’re welcome to take part as well.”

Abigail nodded, “I’ve been paid so I’ll join until I’m dismissed.” She put her hand up in a salute. “What are your orders, Commander Gilgamesh, sir?”

Amnesia just shrugged, “As long as you’ve got enough gems and leather. If need be, I can call another Displaced when you can’t risk anymore. I will have you know, Rubies, Sapphires, and Emeralds work the best for spells, despite that, they actually have better attributes with different spells, care to hear what they are?”

“Please do,” Gilgamesh answered before turning to Abigail, “And your orders are to enjoy yourself until I ask for something more important.”

Abigail nodded, while Amnesia grabbed a Ruby, “Okay. Rubies tend work best with destruction type spells,” the Ruby lit up, “They also hold a fair amount of magic before they go dim. The others do this to, however, Rubies, when magic is used nearby, absorb small quantities until they fill back up,” he picked up an Emerald, “these work great for healing and enhancement spells,” and he picked up a Sapphire, having put the other two down, “Sapphires work great for restoration of non-living things and minor telekinesis. As you can see here,” he laid down the Sapphire and picked up one of the amulets, “I am layering them, allowing three to six spells a gem. All I have to do is charge them, which reminds me,” he turned to Gilgamesh, “Have you got a source for mass amounts of magic?”

Gilgamesh started for a second, processing everything he was hearing, before answering. “Um, no, not really. The Elements of Harmony are back with the Tree of Harmony, and the Crystal Heart is busy doing it’s thing back in the Empire, so nothing really available,” he answered.

“Hmm… That may be a problem, any ideas?” Amnesia said, “Some kind of, grand quest?”

“Well… this may be time to run one of my more… controversial ideas by the rest of the leaders. See, I don’t know about your version, but this version of Equestria has gems out the wazoo, which is good because your spells seem to require them. But, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t require a lot of manpower… or in this case, dogpower.”

Amnesia waved a hand dismissively, “Let’s figure that out, otherwise I can just go through this if they disagree,” he gestured to the large book he had tossed Gilgamesh.

"Uh, what's that?"

“Book of Displaced, gives me information on all of them,” Amnesia said, picking it up.

“I have one as well, got it from Essence,” Abigail said.

“Yeah,” Amnesia tapped the book, “Now you’ve got one. Whenever you get a Token, say the name and open it up. For instance,” Amnesia grabbed his copy, “Abigail Grecia, was it?”

“Yes, thanks to Essence,” the gender-swapped soldier muttered under her breath.

“Abigail Grecia,” Amnesia said before opening the book to a page with the woman in front of them on it. After a moment of reading, Amnesia looked up at Abigail, “And I thought my looks were unlucky…”

“Tell me about it,” Abigail muttered darkly. “I’m somewhat used to it by now but…”