Applejack.exe Has Stopped Working
Applejack lazily flipped through one of the many fashion magazines Rarity kept in the waiting room of Carousel Boutique. She wasn’t paying attention to it in the slightest; in fact, the only reason she picked it up was to have something to do to pass the time rather than give in to mind numbing boredom. Her eyes lazily glazed over the colorful images of what was apparently “in” this fashion season as she reclined further into Rarity’s couch. It made sense that her marefriend always chose this particular couch to faint on when she was being dramatic; it was really comfortable.
Feeling impatient, Applejack glanced over to the changing room several feet away. She could just see the top of Rarity’s mane as she forced herself into whatever extravagant outfit she was trying on this time.
“Are ya almost finished?” Applejack asked, glancing toward the clock on the wall. The hour hand was getting dangerously close the number seven. “Our reservation is in five minutes.”
She heard an indignant huff. “I will be ready soon, Applejack. However your constant interruptions only serve to delay me.”
Applejack rolled her eyes doubtfully. “Ah’m sorry.”
“Well, I’m finished anyway.” The doors to the changing room swung open, and out strutted Rarity. Applejack found her jaw sliding open as she sat up, and watched her marefriend walk out. The outfit Rarity had finally settled was actually quite stunning. Pink and magenta fabrics complimented each other just right while a thin layer of blue frills ran along the hem of the dress. Deep purple sleeves with just a hint of glitter snaked up Rarity’s forelegs and matched her quaffed, styled mane quite nicely. Sure it bulged in the back a little, but it was still amazing. Just looking at her made Applejack feel somewhat naked, in spite of her hat. “What do you think?”
Applejack blinked once before responding. “Huh?”
Rarity smiled teasingly. “Put your tongue back in your mouth, darling.”
“Sorry. But… wow, ya look great, Rares.”
Rarity’s brows knitted together with slight disgruntlement. “I don’t know.” She turned suddenly to face the mirror, adjusting the chest of the dress. With a new angle, Applejack could see that the bulge from earlier was a lot bigger than she’d previously thought. It practically made Rarity’s butt look massive, and she forced back a giggle at the thought. “I feel like it isn’t right.”
“What do ya mean it ain’t right? Ya made it, so it must be perfect.”
Rarity's lips folded into a faint smile. “Thank you, darling. But… it just isn’t right. I can’t quite place it.”
“Rares, ya look fantastic. Besides...” Applejack’s eyes flicked over to the clock just in time to see the minute hand click forward. “...we really gotta go.”
Rarity’s teeth clenched together and she sighed. “I don’t know. I feel like this dress isn't the one.”
Applejack uttered a groan. “Rarity, we’re goin’ ta dinner. It ain’t that big a deal.”
“How dare you say something so blasphemous, Applejack! It’s our three month anniversary, of course it’s a big deal.”
Not really. Applejack had never seen the point of any anniversary aside from yearly ones, but it was important to Rarity, so by default it had to mean something to her. “Ah’m sorry.”
“You’re forgiven. Now if only I could figure out why this dress doesn’t feel right.” She gave a full spin in the mirror, and her face showed her momentary shock when she noticed the bulge. “Applejack, does this dress make me look fat?”
The question took a moment for her to process. When it finally did reach her brain, Applejack felt her pupil’s shrink and her face pale. She gulped hesitantly. “Uh…” Oh no.
Rarity cocked her head. “Applejack?”
The word never reached her. Instead, Applejack was dealing with several thoughts of what do. So much internal conflict bubbled to the forefront of her mind that she was forced to shut down all unnecessary functions to confront the problem.
Ah have ta tell her the truth. Ah always tell the truth, and this should be no exception.
She glanced at the bulge, which seemed to be even larger now, if that was possible.
Except for the fact that Rarity would hate me fer sayin’ that. Oh Celestia, Ah can’t tell her she looks fat! It would be a disaster! And we’re already late enough as it is.
As if to drive that point home, the minute hand on the clock inched forward again.
Consarnit! Maybe Ah should lie just this once. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a white lie, right? But what if somepony brings it up while we’re eatin’ dinner? She’ll be humiliated in public and hate me.
“Applejack, darling, are you all right?” Rarity took a few steps towards her.
What can Ah say? She won’t appreciate me weaselin’ around the question. In fact, it might just make her angrier. What if Ah don’t say anything? Would that work?
The minute hand ticked forward as Rarity’s hoof hit the floor. She was almost to Applejack, her face a mixture of concern and puzzlement. Knowing she would have to speak soon, Applejack’s brain became desperate.
Maybe she won’t care about mah opinion. After all, she never comes ta me for fashion advice in the firstplace. Ah don’t know a dang thing about it. But she did ask now… so that means Ah’m screwed.
Rarity reached Applejack and gingerly shook her. “Applejack, say something! Are you okay? Answer me!”
Answer ya? Ah wish Ah could, Rares. Ah’m just afraid of what Ah might say. Celestia, what can Ah do?
After realizing she hadn’t blinked or breathed in a while, Applejack suddenly came out of her thoughts. Her eyelids fluttered between closed and open for a while and she inhaled heavily. Rarity could now clearly see that Applejack wasn’t in a vegetative state, and her expression dictated that she get an answer soon. Applejack released her breath in a sigh. With absolutely no plan whatsoever, she decided she had to tell the truth.
Morphing her face into a preemptive cringe, she spoke. “Ya look… just a mite big around the hindquarters, Rares.”
The first thing Applejack heard was a thud as Rarity’s jaw hit the floor. Her marefriend whirled around to check her reflection in the mirror – her planet-sized rear end shoved in Applejack’s field of vision as she did so – and she let out a panicky cry when she saw herself.
“Oh my Celestia, you’re right!” Applejack prepared her face to be slapped. Repeatedly. Instead, Rarity began hyperventilating. “Oh, of the worst things that could happen, this is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!” She prepared herself to faint, even getting as far as putting her hoof to her forehead, before she paused. With her free hoof, she shooed Applejack off of the couch. Obliging, Applejack moved, and watched as Rarity tossed herself onto her fainting couch overdramatically, and sobbed.
It took a second for Applejack to realize that she should be comforting Rarity right now. Sitting on the edge of the couch not swallowed by the massive dress, Applejack wrapped a comforting hoof around Rarity’s shoulder.
“There, there, Rares.” Applejack awkwardly patted Rarity’s shoulder. “It’s not the end of the world.”
“Yes it is!” Rarity cried. “This is a travesty! A disaster. A…”
“Completely minor problem that shouldn’t bother ya?” Applejack filled in. “Who cares if yer dress makes yer rump look bigger than Rainbow Dash’s ego? Ah sure don’t.”
Rarity sat up, the fabric of her dress rustling slightly as it moved against the couch’s felt. “I know you don’t care about appearances, Applejack, but I do. This is an imperfection, and I can’t tolerate that. Not tonight. I wanted this night to be perfect. We’ve been together for three months now… it’s a milestone I wasn’t sure we’d meet.”
“...Didya think Ah’d screw it all up?”
“No… I thought I would.” Rarity sighed. “I really thought I’d say or do something by now to ruin everything.”
“Same here. In fact, Ah was so scared that Ah almost didn’t tell ya ‘bout the fat thing ‘cause Ah thought ya’d hate me fer it.”
Her eyes widened. “You mean you almost lied to make me feel better? You almost lied?”
Applejack offered a weak grin. “Ah only considered it fer a little while... but yeah.”
“That’s sweet, Applejack.” Rarity nestled her head on Applejack’s shoulder. “But you shouldn’t ever feel the need to lie to me. I value your opinion… even if your opinion is that I’m fat.”
“Yer not fat Rarity!” Applejack quickly covered. “The dress is.”
She giggled. “Yes… I know. I really should’ve put something else on. This whole fiasco has probably made us late.”
Applejack glanced at the clock, which now read a few minutes after seven. Undoubtedly the restaurant would give away their table before they arrived, even if they left right now.
“Yeah… but it’s okay.” She thought for a moment. “Ya know, we can always just grab a bite ta eat at the Hayburger.”
Rarity looked at her. “You wish to spend out three month anniversary eating fast food?” She indicated her absurdly formal outfit. “While I’m dressed like this?”
“Umm… yeah…”
Rarity thought about it for a moment, and smiled. “All right. I suppose it doesn’t matter what we do, as long as we do it together.”
Applejack hopped up from the couch, shortly followed by Rarity. “Great. So come on then, get yer fat flank out the door!” Rarity scowled at her. Cringing, Applejack bit her lip. “What… too soon?”
Without answering, Rarity turned with a harrumph towards the door and began walking.
Applejack ran to catch up with her. “Dangit, Rares, Ah’m sorry!”
