Born to be (not so) Wild

by Stonetribe

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance
Length: 13780

Living on the road together for roughly five years, two bounty hunter companions, a crazed gun mare biker earth pony and a hygiene obsessed research savvy unicorn stallion, have lived a pretty exciting life. But when the pay they receive from bountie

Living on the road together for roughly five years, two bounty hunter companions, a crazed gun mare biker earth pony and a hygiene obsessed research savvy unicorn stallion, have lived a pretty exciting life. But when the pay they receive from bounties starts to decrease; they decide to settle down in the nearest town, Ponyville, for another more reliable source of income. Will the criminal bagging duo be able to adjust to a relatively tame life style without being driven out by the locals? The answer, sort of...

Published 2012-05-03 00:54:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-01-09 03:19:42 UTC

On a steel pony I ride

It was early morning, very early morning. It was still dawn, and the sun wouldn’t rise for another ten minutes or so. Off in the distance down a dirt road, the town we know as Ponyville could be recognized. The setting was quiet, save for the moderately loud hum of a motorcycle engine and a heavy metal song being played from it. Driving the motorcycle was an earth pony mare with a snow white coat and pitch black mane. She was wearing a vest as black as her mane and was sporting hoof boots on all fours. The left front hoof boot had a sheath attached to it, containing a bowie knife. The right front hoof boot also had a holster; this one carrying a pistol designed and made for earth pony use. As the song reached her favorite verse she turned up the volume a tad, all the while trying not to wake her companion sleeping in the side car next to her.

A mumbled, “Huh wha?” was the response she wasn’t hoping for.

“Sorry, uh, didn’t mean wake you,” she said.

“That’s okay, if you can’t sleep in I guess it’s only fair I shouldn’t either,” he said while rubbing his eyes. Her companion was a unicorn stallion with a light blue coat and navy blue mane. The only article of clothing he wore was a gray bowler hat.

“Yeah, sure,” she retorted, not doing a very good job hiding the remorse in her voice.

“Something wrong?” he asked. She merely looked at him for awhile until she said

“Do I really have to say?”

Her friend let out a sigh. “Ash, we’ve been over this. We can’t keep living the way we do. The money’s just not adding up.”

“But I love living on the road. We’ve been doing it just fine for five years; I don’t see why we should have to stop now.”

“That’s because the pay for bounties has gone down just enough that we’re not making as much money as we’re spending”

“Neal, we made 500 bits on that last guy we bagged,” she said dryly.

“I know that, but when you subtract the cost of food, gas for the motorcycle, hotel fees…” He paused for a second and gave her a look, “Property damage…”

Her face remained unfazed, “Hey, you have to admit, modifying a wheel barrow, entering it in a soap box derby, and having it last for at least half the race is pretty impressive. That beekeeper was a total jerk anyways.”

Cornelius rolled his eyes. “Anyways… That all adds up to quite a bit of cash. But if we we’re to live in a house, we wouldn’t have to worry about that stuff half as much as we would living as drifters.”

Ash let out sigh of her own. “I know I know, you’ve told me before. But that wouldn’t be so bad if we didn't have to give up our job as bounty hunters at the same time. That’s the only thing I love more than living on the road.”

“That’s something we’ve also been over, we don’t have to give up bounty hunting. Right next to Ponyville is the Everfree Forest, it houses countless numbers of criminal hideouts. And the bounty rewards are still a great source of money.”

“Apparently not great enough for us to keep living on the road,” she said bitterly.

“Come on, I promise it won’t be so bad. Try thinking of the other benefits of living in a house. Like being able to read the newspaper every morning or being able to receive mail again, oh Or! or being able to shower on a regularly basis!”

“Oh jeeze, you make it sound like we’re some old married couple. Besides, those are all things you like.”

“Hmm, I suppose that was a poor way to pitch the positives of living in a house to you, wasn’t it? Let me try again: you’ll be able to play those zombie killing video games again, and you can get some of those dirty magazines you love so much. How does that sound?”

“Better.” She grinned. “Lots better, in fact.” Her face went back to that of indifferent again. “I guess I just need more time to get used to the idea of spending more than one or two weeks in the same town.”

“It won’t be so bad. I promise. We can even get a pet. I know you’ve always wanted one.”

Her face lit up. “Oh hey, yeah, we could, couldn’t we?”

“Of course," he continued, “We could get a dog or a cat. Or maybe a lizard like an iguana or gecko. Or maybe something like a tarantula, you’ve always had a thing for bugs.”

“I know exactly what I want to get,” she said, wearing a sly grin now.

“That’s the spirit! What did you have in mind?” he asked.

“Mountain lion,” she said matter of factly.

“What… Oh, oh no, No.” He looked irritated now.

“But you just said we could get a pet.”

“We can get a pet, sure, but a mountain lion is not a pet. Nopony keeps mountain lions as pets.”

“That’s part of why it appeals to me, though. it would be so original, it might even catch on. Besides…” she paused, thinking to herself, “Mountain lions are badass.”

“Once again, no. Mountain lions cannot be tamed. Remember the last time you tried to ‘befriend’ a wild mountain lion you saw? It only took five minutes until the damned thing tried to gouge your eyes out.”

“Exactly! The time before that, I lasted two minutes before it tried to gouge my eyes out. That means I’m improving. I mean statistically that’s like a…” She paused to think for a bit “A one hundred percent increase, right?”

She leaned back a bit, happy to be able to use anything she learned in school that she deemed useless. Cornelius paused for a few seconds.

“Well yes, I suppose that is mathematically true, but that’s still nowhere near long enough to make trying it again a good idea.”

“Someday Neal, someday I will be sitting of a sofa with a mountain lion purring and asleep on my lap while I stroke her head.”

“A mountain lion is too big to lie in your lap.”

“That’s a bridge I’m willing to cross when I get there.”

“Right. Well, speaking of getting there, I should probably tell you a few things about Ponyville. Mostly that it’s a clean town.”

Ash had a look of slight confusion. “All right, I guess that’s kind of nice, but I never really minded seeing litter on the ground all that much.”

“No, I mean that it is a clean town in the sense that it’s family friendly. You won’t be seeing any dark alleys with ponies smoking cigars leaned against the wall or anything like that.”

“Oh, you mean that kind of clean? Yeah I get it, but why are you telling me this?”

“I’m telling you because it means that the ponies here rarely use foul language, and hearing it would leave a very bad impression for us, something I really want to avoid seeing as how we will be living there.”

“Watch my mouth, got it,” she said even though she wasn’t sure she would make much of an effort to do so.

“It also means that they’re not used to our line of work so I don’t want you to go boasting about how you capture dangerous criminals for a living,” he continued.

“Aww c’mon! How else am I gonna get ponies to respect me?”

Cornelius opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Ash interrupted.

“And no, I don’t want you to answer that.”

“Another thing I don’t want you to do is wave your pistol around like it’s a toy.”

“Ugh, I was just writing my name in a cloud by shooting holes in it. How was I supposed to know there was a pegasus standing on it. I was trying my hoof at street performing, but all they did was call me a crazed gun mare.”

“You are a crazed gun mare, and you’re proud of the title.”

“That’s not the point.” she shot back, but in her mind, she was smiling smugly.

“Either way, these ponies have probably never even heard of a gun, much less seen one, so don’t go showing it off.”

“Never seen a gun?” she said with disturbing interest. “That makes me want to show it off even more rather than less.”

“Seriously Ash.”

“Okay, okay, sheesh you sound just like my firearms safety instructor.”

“I thought you failed that class.”

“I did,” she said, starting to sound annoyed again. “Weren’t you trying to make me feel better about living in a house?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

She cut him off again, “Relax, I’m just messing with ya. I never liked that class anyways.”

He let out a small laugh while he rolled his eyes. “That’s not surprising. Anyways, another thing I should tell you is that we can’t live off of bounty money alone, we’re going to need another, more reliable source of income. So I bet I’ll be getting a part time job.”

“Doing what?” she asked.

“Probably at the local hospital, if not there I heard that there was a school house that was looking to hire.”

“Okay then, so what about me?”

“Well, I think one job would be enough when you throw in the money from bounties, but I’m sure you might be able to find a few gigs to play your guitar at if we needed a little extra money. Hay, you could even start a band if you wanted,” he said.

“I like the sound of that. I get to stay at home playing the guitar and video games while you go to work and bring home money. Cornelius, you spoil me, you know that?”

“Don’t remind me,” he said. “Most of all, just try not to get in any fights. Like I said before, it’s really important that we make a good first impression. We only get one after all. I know you don’t exactly get along well with other ponies.”

They were now driving into Ponyville, making their way to the market square where other pony venders were just beginning to set up their stands. Ash brought the motorcycle to a stop and they both got out.

“Now I have to visit the mayor’s office to fill out some paperwork. I’ll be back in an hour or so. Go ahead and find yourself some breakfast, mingle with the ponies a bit you know, act like a generally rational civilian. Just please remember what I said okay?”

“Hey, by the time you get back, I’ll have more friends than the only pony who makes ice cream in a desert for a hundred miles, except in his case, most of them aren’t really his friends and just want ice cream.”

Cornelius put on a smile and chuckled a bit. “If you say so. I’ll come back here when I’m done, so don’t get too popular.”

“I’ll try but no promises,” she said jokingly.

With that he started for the mayor’s office. With Cornelius gone for the time being, Ash decided that now would be as good a time as any to find something to eat for breakfast. She looked around for a bit until her eyes caught sight of an apple cart. She could see an orange earth pony behind the counter. 'Okay' she thought to herself. 'Food and a chance to get to get to know the locals, time to nail two birds with one stone.' She hastily trotted towards her first meal and potential “friend” in Ponyville.

Welcome to Ponyville

As soon as she walked up to the apple cart, Ash paused to examine her selection. Apples of all sorts of colors and sizes were neatly lined up for display.

Ash whistled, “I never knew there were so many different kinds of apples other than ones that were red. You grow all these yourself?”

The apple vender replied, “Yessiree down at Sweet Apple Acres we can satisfy all you apple needs from cooking pies to brewing cider. But I can’t take all the credit, my big brother, Macintosh, helps me tend to the orchard. Would you like to buy an apple?”

“Sure, how much?” Ash asked.

“Three bits for an apple.”

“Cool I’ll take two,” she said as she reached into her vest to scoop out some pocket change.

After they made their exchange, Ash asked, “Mind if I eat here?”

“Ain’t no other customers in line so I don’t see why not.”
Ash took a bite of the apple. It had was sweet and juicy and had a very crisp bite to it
Ash talked with her mouth full, “Wow this is delicious. I can’t remember the last time I ate an apple this good.” She paused for a second and swallowed, “Actually, I can’t remember the last time I had an apple period.”

“Thanks partner,” said the orange mare, “We grow the best apples in Ponyville, and possibly in all of Equestria.”

She went on, “I don’t think I’ve seen your face around these parts, you passing through?”

Ash was a bit surprised, although she didn’t show it. She thought bringing up that topic would be something that she would have to do, even though she wasn’t sure about how she would go about doing it.

“Funny you should ask. My friend and I have been living on the road for a while now. But recently, money has become something of an issue, so my friend insists that we should settle down in a house so that we can get another source of income aside from our usual job.”

“Well, I’m plum happy to hear that. I’m sure you’ll find that Ponyville to be one of the nicest, coziest towns you’ll have been in. What’s your name, stranger?”

“Oh um, my name’s Ash,” she said blankly.

“It’s mighty nice to meet you Ash, my name’s Applejack.”

Ash definitely wasn’t expecting things to go this well. Usually when she ended up talking to somepony, she wouldn’t have learned their name until she had punched them in the face and having been held back by Cornelius, or the cops, or both. If all the ponies in this town were like this one, friends would practically make themselves. Her thoughts were drifting to a particular bar fight she had when a voice from behind her interrupted her thinking.

“Hey Applejack, me and Dash were wondering if you would think if it’s possible to make an apple flavored milkshake.”

Ash turned around to be met by two more ponies. One was a pink earth pony that had a ridiculously poofy mane and tail, which was a darker shade of pink. The other one was a cyan pegasus who sported a rainbow colored mane. Before any of them could respond, the pink pony took one glance at Ash, jumped into the air, and let out a rather exaggerated gasp, not unlike the one another certain pink pony made when she first met Twilight Sparkle, and proceeded to rush off the other way. Ash simply blinked a few times whereas Applejack let out a grin, knowing exactly what the pink pony was planning to do. Ash was the first to talk.

“What the hay was that about?”

“Don’t you fret none about Pinkie Pie, she’s an odd one for sure,” Applejack answered. “You’ll find out soon enough”

The blue pegasus was looking in the direction that Pinkie Pie darted off to and looked back at Ash. She thought for a moment and after connecting the dots asked, “Oh I get it. Let me guess, you’re new in town?

Suspicion was starting to take hold of Ash now, “Yeah, how is it that you can tell exactly?”

“Pinkie does that every time a new pony moves in. You’ll get used to her soon enough,” the pegesus directed her attention to Applejack.

“So who’s the new pony?”

“This here is Ash, she’s been living on the road for uh, how long did you say you were traveling again?”

“Five years.”

“Right,” Applejack said. “Ash, this here is Rainbow Dash,” she nodded towards the pegasus.

Rainbow Dash wore a look of interest, “Hold on, you mean you would just travel Equestria, wondering from town to town, and just sleep wherever?”

“That’s right,” Ash said, half pleased about thinking of her life as a roadie and half disappointed at being reminded that it will soon be coming to an end.

“That sounds pretty cool.”

Ash continued, “Oh yeah, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“What’s it like?” Dash asked.

She liked the direction this conversation was heading.

“Only the best way to live life. Every day I’m in a new place and half of my meals are from fast food restaurants. But I think my favorite part is when I’m driving in between towns and sleeping under the stars right next to a campfire.”

“Sounds awesome,” Dash said “So why are you moving into a house here in Ponyville?”

“Well, it’s mostly so that my friend and I can get a part time job so we have a more reliable source of income seeing as how our usual way of making money doesn’t pay as much as it used to.”

“Really? How did you make money on the road?” Dash inquired. Just as she said this, she noticed Ash’s hoof boots, or more accurately, the two items strapped to them. It’s true that most of the ponies in Ponyville have very little, if any knowledge about firearms, but Rainbow Dash has read enough Daring Doo novels to know about guns and their uses. She began wondering if she really did want to know how this pony used to make money.

Ash noticed her staring and looked down her hooves and realized what was going on in her head. She began to panic a little. “Oh no no no no! I know what you’re thinking but that’s not the case I swear!” she said defensively.

Rainbow maintained a look of doubt. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be hanging around this pony. Or for that matter, have this pony hanging around Ponyville altogether.

Ash continued explaining “It’s” she let out a few small laughs, “It’s actually pretty much the opposite. You see, I’m a bounty hunter.”

Applejack was getting awfully confused. From behind the counter, she couldn’t see Ash’s hoof boots and the hoisters attached to them. She decided to try and rejoin the conversation, “A bounty what now?”

“You know, a bounty hunter. Like when there’s a criminal on the loose and the authorities offer a cash reward to anypony who can catch them and bring them in.”

Applejack had now walked around her cart and got a glance at what Rainbow was looking at earlier. She was willing to listen but Dash wasn’t quite convinced yet. “I don’t suppose you’d happen to have a way to prove it, would you?” said Dash.

Ash thought for a moment, trying to think of any proof she could present before ponies would start thinking that she was some dangerous thief. After a bit, she came up with an idea.

“Oh I know, wait here,” she said as she trotted back to her motorcycle. After rummaging through some things, she came back with a piece of paper in her mouth. She spit it out so the two ponies could see. It was a poster with the picture of some pony with a crooked smile on it. Below the picture were the words ‘Wanted Alive 500 bit reward’. The poster itself was black and white, save the word ‘confirmed’ written across the picture in red ink. The poster had an indent where the red word was, as if it had been put on with a stamp.

After a bit, Ash asked, “That proof enough?”

Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked at each other. Applejack was the first to speak “Well I’ll be, living on the road and catching bad guys. That’s quite an interesting life you have”

“Interesting?” Rainbow interjected, “More like totally awesome and badass!”

“Yeah, it does sound pretty cool, doesn’t it?” Ash said. She was thinking back to what Cornelius said about not bragging about their work. She wasn’t bragging per say, she was just defending herself of being accused as a dangerous criminal, coincidently, this not being the first time. Either way, she hadn’t done anything he said not to.

“So, does that mean you’re like, a really good shot with that thing?” asked Dash

Okay, now she was going to disobey Cornelius.

“Only the best in equestrian! Here, you see this bit?” Ash held up a coin with her hoof.

The ponies nodded in response.

“Good, now don’t blink”

With one quick motion, Ash flipped the coin high into the air. While it was still air born, she took her pistol from her hoof boot and shot it in the air, making a load bang that attracted other ponies’ attention.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cornelius had just started to fill out the paper work at the mayor’s office until he heard a faint bang in the distance. 'Oh dear god, that can’t be good' Cornelius thought. He decided it to be a good idea to pick up the pace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The coin landed on the ground in front of Rainbow Dash. She looked up at Ash.

“Go ahead,” she said.

Rainbow picked up the coin and held it up to her eye. The coin had a hole right dab in the center.

Applejack whistled and said, “Now that, is impressive.”

Rainbow Dash was equally impressed. Any thoughts of doubt and suspicion were now replaced with those of admiration and respect. This pony was awesome, maybe as awesome as herself. No, nopony but the Wonderbolts were more awesome than her. Either way she wanted to hang out with Ash some more.

“Wow, do you think you could teach me to do that?”

“And spread around the wonderful and all mighty magic that is guns? I would more than happy.”

“Sweet,” Rainbow Dash replied. “Hey, you want me to show you around town? I bet my friends would like to meet you.” She knew that last part wasn’t particularly true, but it might convince Ash to hang out with her more.

“Sure,” Ash replied. She wasn’t sure if it was always this easy to get along with other ponies or if Ponyville itself was an exception. Whatever the cause, she was thinking that she could get used to this.

“Alright then, I guess I’ll be seeing you two later,” Applejack said as she went back behind her counter. “Once my shift is over and Big Macintosh takes over I’ll see what I can do to meet up with ya.”

“See ya AJ,” Rainbow said as she walked off, leading Ash to Carousel Boutique to show off the new pony.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Filling out the paper work for the house took longer than Cornelius expected, much longer. The stack of papers he was given was as thick as cardboard. He was thankful for the fact that he was born a unicorn. He couldn’t imagine writing this much with his hoof or mouth or however non-unicorns write. He was finally nearing the end and just had to write his signature a few times. He handed the paper to the clerk at the desk and received the keys to the house. As he stepped outside he couldn’t help but wonder how much trouble Ash could have caused by now. He made his way to the spot where he and Ash got off the motorcycle, only for it or her to be nowhere in sight. 'Typical, he thought. Now I have no choice other than to wonder aimlessly around town looking for her. That could take from six minutes to about… a couple hours. Just my luck'. So he started wandering about Ponyville, keeping an eye out for any signs of Ash which usually include the sound of windows breaking, fire, and mass panic, among other things. As he was thinking about what length of lecture would be appropriate depending on how long it took to find her when his name was called out in a familiar voice

“Hey Corny, over here!”

He turned his head and saw Ash sitting at an outside restaurant table, and to his surprise with four other ponies. As he started to walk over they resumed talking amongst themselves.

Once he was close enough he couldn’t help but blurt out, “Ash, are you actually socializing with other ponies in a non-violent way?”

Ash wore a pleased grin. “I know, crazy right?”

Cornelius was a bit baffled. “I know I asked you to get to know the locals but,” he paused, still trying to grasp what he was seeing “I didn’t expect you to actual do so.”

Ash was still grinning. “Yeah, I guess there really is a first time for everything. Here, let me introduce you-oh wait,” she turned to the rest of the ponies at the table.

“I get to introduce him to you guys right? Isn’t that how this works?”

The four ponies laughed a bit. Normally, if a pony laughed after Ash asked them a question, that would automatically put them in her ‘punch them in the face’ zone. But now that she had friends, this wasn’t the case.

One of them, a purple unicorn said, “Of course, go ahead”

“Right,” Ash said and gestured to a white unicorn with a purple mane, “This is Rarity, she runs a local tailor shop. Check it out, she fixed the rip in my vest.” She turned and showed the side of her jacket completely intact.

The unicorn spoke, “Charmed to make your acquaintance Mr. Cornelius. I must say, that hat of yours is simply dashing.”

“Oh uh, thanks I think it’s pretty cool too,” Cornelius said, mere seconds later he realized how stupid what he just said was, but nopony seemed to notice.

“And this is Applejack, she owns her own apple orchard.”

Applejack simply said, “Nice to meetcha partner”

“This here is Rainbow Dash,” Ash said.

“What’s up, Corny?” the Pegasus said through stifled laughs.

Cornelius gave Ash a look, only to find here snickering as well.

“And lastly, this is Twilight Sparkle,” Ash said as soon as she finished giggling.

“Hi there, I run the local library. If you ever find yourself looking for a book, feel free to stop by.”

After Twilight finished talking, she nodded to Cornelius and said. “This is Cornelius, he’s the friend I mentioned before.”

Cornelius was about to say something but was interrupted by the growling of his own stomach.

“Heh. I’ve been filling out the paper work for the house all day, I never got a chance to eat lunch, let alone breakfast.”

“Go ahead and order some food, sugar cube, we ain’t going nowhere,” Applejack said.

“That sounds pretty good. I’ll be right back,” Cornelius said as he turned around and walked into the restaurant.

Once he was gone, Twilight spoke up, “Huh, when you said you were traveling with a friend, I thought you meant another mare.”

“Heh heh, I guess that could be assumed, couldn’t it?” Ash said.

“If you don’t mind me prying darling, you two wouldn’t happen to be, you know, together?”

Ash looked at her for a second, “What do you-oh OH, that you mean, oh heh heh…”

She was caught off guard “Well, let me put it this way. The road can be a lonely place, so it’s not uncommon for us to have nights that are a little more, active, than others”

Upon saying this, Twilight and Rarity blushed, whereas Rainbow Dash and Applejack gave knowing grins with this kind of topic being brought up.

Ash leaned in, “When we do decide to have a little fun, we both like to call him ‘Dr. Feelgood.’”

At that being said, Rarity’s and Twilights blushes intensified while Dash and Applejack started giggling at the thought.

“I better not of heard what I just think I heard.”

Ash turned around and saw Cornelius returning with a plate of food for himself.

As he sat down Ash said, “What? No, I was saying that lockers are a free of storing hoodies.” She was aware that he knew perfectly well what she said and was grinning because of it.

The six ponies continued to chat for the rest of the afternoon. As the sun was starting to set, Cornelius decided it would be best to head home.

“Well, it’s starting to get late. We should be heading to our new home.”

“Really? Because I’m enjoying myself right now,” Ash protested.

Applejack cut in, “Don’t you worry, sugar cube, you’ll be seeing each other real soon.” She was exchanging glances with her other friends.

“Alright, I suppose I am getting kinda tired, you know where the house is Nel?” she said as she was getting on her motorcycle.

Cornelius was already in the side car, “Yeah, just take a left or right when I say to and we’ll be fine.”

They all said their goodbyes and the bounty hunter duo drove off. Finding the house also took a bit longer than Cornelius expected. By the time they reached their destination, it was night. The house itself looked nice enough. It was a single story house of medium size.

After they got off the motorcycle, Cornelius said to Ash, “I have to say, I’m pretty proud of you. I was expecting the best we could get would be if the town simply tolerated you at all.”

Ash simply smiled as she thought back to the events of her day. Normally, the more she spent time with new ponies, the more she would be willing to chalk them off as something that could be a problem. But with the ponies in Ponyville she actually enjoyed their company. She could hardly wait to see them again.

“Oh, I almost forgot to ask,” Cornelius said “is your shotgun still in the gun case? It wouldn’t be a good idea to leave any guns outside during the night.”

“What? Oh yeah sure” Ash walked back to the motorcycle and opened a long, rectangular box. Inside, was a 12 gauge pump action shotgun. She picked it up with her mouth and returned to her friend’s side. Then they entered their new home for the first time. The whole room was shrouded in darkness.

Cornelius said, “Tsk, I can’t see a thing in here. Where’s the light switch?”

Just as he said this, the lights suddenly flashed on, at the same time six ponies jumped out of hiding, and shouted surprise in unison.

Ash sprung into action.

She shouted “GET DOWN NEL!” as she pushed him to the floor. She held the shotgun in her hooves and racked it.

Cornelius tried to stop her “No Ash! WAIT!”

The next thing he heard was an all too familiar bang.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s just lucky that I’m used to doing it so quickly,” Cornelius said as he was wrapping bandages around a pink pony’s leg.

“You should also be thankful that she’s trained herself to shoot ponies in the legs, if she aimed for the body or the head, I’m not certain you would have survived.”

The events within the past half hour transpired with lighting speed, or so it seemed like it.

“Alright, now slowly try to stand up.”

The pony, whom he learned was named Pinkie Pie, complied. It took a bit, but she managed to stand up. She tried putting a little weight on her injured leg and soon retracted it at the pain it brought.

“Oh dear, don’t do that. I wouldn’t try walking with that leg for at least two weeks.”

“Okie dokey lokey!” Pinkie replied.

She was another thing to add to Cornelius’s list of things that surprised him today. Naturally, she hollered out in pain when she was initially hurt, but as Cornelius started tending to the wound, she was perking up at an unnatural rate.

Twilight, Rarity, and a yellow peggesus pony with a pink mane named Fluttershy, who had already fainted twice tonight, had also been helping him patch Pinkie up, but really, what they helped with most with was at restraining Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Ash. Thank god there were three unicorns present to hold back three separate ponies with magic. The three of them were now sitting together in the corner, covered in bruises and each of them sporting at least one black eye. They were laughing with one another between hiccups. It was as if the three of them hadn’t been at each other’s throats just ten minutes ago. Alcohol truly is a wondrous magic. Ash was recounting one of her bounty hunting ventures.

“So there I was. I had just gotten out of the chair I was tied in, I opened the door and saw three thugs, one had a gun and another had a baseball bat. So I said ‘alright then, why don’t you two drop those weapons, put up your hooves, and fight me like a stallion!’”

“So, did you fight them?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Are you kidding?! They were twice my size and three of them. Of course I didn’t fight them!”

“But…” she said and paused for a few seconds, “I did get the dumb bastard to drop his weapon!”

All three of them roared out in laughter.

“I know crazy things can happen at Pinkie’s parties, but I’ve never seen anything quite like that,” Twilight said.

“I want to say again just how thankful I am for all of you being so understanding and willing to keep this little fiasco to ourselves. It’s like I said before, living on the road makes you a little more cautious than usual. It’s a practically a reflex for her to take hasty action when something jumps out at her,” Cornelius said.

“Think nothing of it deary. It was all just a big misunderstanding,” Rarity replied.
Twilight nodded “Yes, that sort of thing happens all the time in Ponyville, and I’d love to learn more about that skin hardening spell you used on Pinkie to stop the bullet” She glanced at Pinkies leg and the bandages wrapped around it. “Well, to mostly stop the bullet”

"Thanks, I invented it myself," Cornelius said, his concerns briefly eased "I usually use it when we're working on a bounty. I cast it on Ash before she gets into any fire fights"

Cornelius looked at Pinky and then to the drunken ponies.

“You need any help getting them home?” he asked still feeling guilty about the whole situation.

“I can walk with Pinkie and make sure she gets home okay,” Rarity volunteered.

“And don’t worry, if anypony asks, I’ll tell them I fell down the stairs,” Pinkie added.

Twilight looked over at the orange earth pony, “I can take Applejack back to Sweet Apple Acres, I’m not sure what I’ll tell her family at the moment, but I can think of something on the way”

“So that leaves…” Rarity said as they all turned to the drunken trio, focusing their attention on Rainbow Dash.

“I can fly her home” Fluttershy said in the same soft voice she had used all night, “It um, wouldn’t be the first time I brought her home with her being influenced.”

“Good to hear,” Cornelius said.

With that being decided, they said there goodbyes and they lead the less than sober ponies out the door while Cornelius uttered one last apology.

He turned back to Ash, whom had fallen asleep on the floor. It was a tad strange seeing her so peaceful after all that commotion. He went outside to the motorcycle and returned with a couple blankets and pillows. After propping her head up, sliding the pillow under it, and covering her with the blanket, she pulled them in close and gave a faint smile. Cornelius looked at her for a while, smiling.

“Sweet dreams, Ash,” he whispered, “Because when you wake up in the morning, we are going to have a long, long, long talk about what happened tonight”

A rude awakening (plus new cover art!)

Beams of light shown through the windows of the bounty hunter’s new home. The only things audible were the sounds of running water coming from the other room and Ash’s soft snoring. A small house spider was crawling along the ceiling, and began a slow descent to the floor, eventually landing right on Ash’s nose. The itching sensation that it brought prompted Ash awake, opening a single eye, she stared into eight.

“You can stay here, but at least make yourself useful, go eat some mosquitoes or something,” she groggily mumbled.

The spider hopped off here nose, and scurried away, presumably to begin earning his keep in the building. As she sat up, Ash was acquainted with the ever too familiar hung over headache. Among the many she has had this one was pretty mild, albeit still unwelcomed. She brought her hoof up to massage her forehead as she tried to recall the events of last night. She stood up to look around the room. Save for a table, a few chairs— half of which were knocked over, and various party favors scattered about, it was pretty much empty. She then noticed her shotgun leaning against the wall. ‘Why isn’t that in its case’ she thought. As she walked over to examine it, she stepped on something, bringing much, brief pain to her hoof. Murmuring a curse as she picked up to examine and throw out the window, not necessarily, no, definitely not in that order, whatever object decided to cause her pain. She opened up the nearest window ready to send the small, cylindrical…

‘Wait a minute’ she thought.

She held the item up to her face to see what she suspected to, a shotgun shell, her shotgun shell. She pondered this for a moment until she came to terms with what this could only mean. She was wide awake now.

“Oh buck…”

After saying her most sophisticated statement, she noticed the sound of the shower in the other room come to a stop. Down the hall a door opened, some steam pouring out. Out emerged Cornelius, his back half wrapped in a towel. He glanced at her.

“Oh you’re awake now. Look we need to talk about…”

He was interrupted as Ash ran up to him, a panicked expression on her face.

“Cornelius! We got to get out of this town! ASAP!”

“What? What are you talking abou-”

“I don’t know how much time we have, or how to say this, but I’ll make it short. I shot somepony last night!”

“Wha- what? Ash I-”

He was interrupted again. “Oh god Neal I’m so sorry! I know how much we needed to live here! I’m in a buck load of trouble I know, you don’t have to tell me, but we don’t have time to talk about that! We need to get in the bike, and make a beeline out of this town and not stop for at least three hours!”

Cornelius was more than a little awestruck. He knew he’d be having a talk with Ash that neither of them would be too fond of, but wasn’t expecting her to take the initiative, much less in such a frantic manner. Whatever she was remembering, it wasn’t what she should be, at least not all of it. ‘I suppose this is what I get for taking the easy way of calming her down with booze.’ He was about to open his mouth again before he was interrupted a fourth time. She began pulling him now. He tried to remain where he stood but she was too worked up.

“God damn, Cornelius come on! We’ve wasted enough time as it is!”

This was going nowhere. She wasn’t ready to listen to anything he would say at this point, especially if it was that every thing was fine. He had to do something. He could only think of one thing, and it went against just about every moral he was taught and stood for.

He said to himself, “I know you won’t mind this too much, but I’m still so sorry.”

“There’s no time for sorrys! We have to-”

Now it was her turn to be interrupted, unfortunately, by Cornelius’s hoof as it slapped her across the face. She hardly flinched but it seemed to knock enough sense into her to stop and listen.

“Sit,” Cornelius said sternly. She obeyed.

Cornelius inhaled, and let out a deep sigh. He began the exhausting task of filling her in as to what happened last night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ash was relieved, but still felt as bad as she did an hour ago. If Cornelius didn’t know any better, he would say she was coming close to tears.

“Oh buck Neal, I’m so sorry. I, I-”

“Hey hey, easy now.” He didn’t see his best friend like this very often, but when he did, it tore his heart.

“Everypony knows you didn’t mean to. It was just a big misunderstanding that’s all. You would never shoot somepony without a good reason.”

That last part wasn’t particularly true. H e recalled that one time in the Manhattan hotel with the milk in the lobby. But she didn’t need any of that now.
“But they will still hate my guts. Everypony else probably will, too, once word gets out.”

Cornelius put his hoof around her shoulder.

“Anything but. They were very, very understanding. I explained everything to them. They also agreed to keep this whole incident to ourselves as well.”

He chuckled a little.

“Who would have thought your first real mare friends would be quite possibly the best in Equestria?”

“I dunno, Neal, it sounds like your softening up what actually happened.”

She made an attempt to get up, only to wobble and fall right back down on her flank.

“Whoa there, Sweetheart. You gave yourself quite the scare. Why don’t you just take it easy for now?”

She was about to protest, but realized he was absolutely right. She all but exhausted herself this morning. Neal led her back to her makeshift bed on the floor.

“Tell you what, you go and get a bit more rest and I’ll go out and take care of a few errands. I’ll come back with some breakfast. ‘Kay?”

She gave a small nod.

Cornelius got up to his way to the door and as he was about to shut it, Ash called out to him.

“Hey Neal?”

He turned his head.

“Yes?”

“Can you pick up some donuts?”

Neal smiled, glad that his friend was starting to become at least a little bit more like herself.

“Sure thing”, he said.

“And Neal?”

He looked back in.

“Yeah?”

“I love you. You’re the best”

He paused for a bit, not expecting to hear what he did.

“Likewise, Ash.”

He shut the door. Ash nestled back into her covers quickly falling into a peaceful slumber. As she did, a single insect flew into the room. Seeing its next blood meal, it made its way towards the soon to be snoring pony, only to be abruptly stopped, tangled in a mass of silk. A small house spider rushed over to his catch, quickly wrapping it into a tight bundle, glad to help make sure nothing disturbed the sleeping angel as she enjoyed a much needed rest.

(Special thanks to Fribox for the awsome cover art. Go check out his other pony drawings here!)

Sweet dreams indeed

(Sorry about the wait guys! I wanted to put off writing another chapter untill my editor was finnished with the already existing ones, but after talking to him he said I should just keep writing while the idea is still fresh in my mind)

With his friend calmed down and asleep, Cornelius stepped outside and took in the scenery of a Ponyville morning. The grass glistened with morning dew as sunlight shown through any nearby trees.

‘Well, this is a rather tranquil scene compared to ten minutes ago,’ he thought.

He began to mentally make a list of things he needed to do as he started walking into town square.

‘Alright, let me think, I’ll need to send a letter back to me and Ash’s dads so that they can send us some of our personal belongings for starters. That will help make the place feel a bit homier. I should also check by the local hospital and see if they have any part time jobs. If I don’t have any luck there, I can try the school house. Dad always wanted me to be a teacher. That can wait until after breakfast though…’

As he made his way into the market place, Cornelius recalled the time he told his father that he wanted to travel Equestria with his best friend/girlfriend while capturing criminals and turning them in for money. It was such a pain in the flank to get him to stop laughing and realize he was serious. It wasn’t like he was angry with his son in any way, but he definitely wasn’t ecstatic about the idea. It was times like that when he wished his dad was more like Ash’s and laidback towards everything, even if it was only because her dad was drunk half of the time. Times he wished for this were few and far between. He pondered what it would have been like should either of there mothers have been alive.

Cornelius was snapped back to reality when he heard a voice call his name in the not too far distance. A female voice with a southern accent.

“Hey you! Cornelius! Come over here, I want to talk to ya!”

He turned his head and sure enough, saw Applejack behind her apple cart with Rainbow Dash hanging out next to her. Both of them still had a few bruises from last night. He was a bit hesitant to go over there, worrying about the slim chance that neither of them were filled in on the events that went down last night. Applejack seemed relatively calm, but Rainbow Dash on the other hoof looked pretty peeved.

“Crap, maybe we will have to make a run for it. I should probably choose my words carefully,” he muttered to himself. He planed a few escape routes in his head as he made his way over there to greet them.

“Hey there, what’s up?” Cornelius tried to speak casually but the nervousness in his voice couldn’t be any more evident.

“I don’t know, what do you think is up?” Rainbow Dash replied sourly.

“Now what did I just finish telling you? I thought we agreed to not trouble him none about last night?” Applejack cut in.

“Oh gee, sorry AJ, I guess I don’t take too kindly to having one of my best friends shot in the leg” Dash retorted.

“I figured this would be about last night” Cornelius said, “I’ve said it a hundred times and I’ll say it again, I’m so terribly sorry about what happened. Me and Ash have been living on the road for so long now and you never know what might happen if you’re not careful-”

“Now, now, Sugarcube, you don’t have to prove your innocence. Twilight explained the whole thing to me this morning. Rainbow here however, took a bit of convincing so she wouldn’t fly on over there and causing who knows what kind of trouble” Applejack said. “And don’t you fret none about word spreading around town, we all can keep a secret. Isn’t that right, Rainbow?”

When Rainbow Dash didn’t respond for a bit, Applejack nudged her on the shoulder eliciting a sigh from the cyan mare.

“Yeah yeah, it’s fine and all. But don’t expect me to be all chummying right away next time I see her. Got it?”

Cornelius let out a sigh of relief “Thank you so much. Ash feels terrible about the thing enough as it is.”

Cornelius recalled the events of this morning to Rainbow Dash and Applejack about how devastated Ash was on hearing she shot an innocent pony.

“Poor girl, I don’t know what I would do if I hurt another pony like that,” Applejack said.

Rainbow Dash herself was starting to feel a bit guilty for wanting to punch Ash’s teeth out just five minutes ago. She wasn’t too fond of the feeling of remorse hanging in the air at the moment and tried to lighten the mood.

“Well if anything, Pinkie will bake a ‘I forgive you for shooting me’ cake for her,” she said.

This stifled a laugh from her and the farm pony, but leaving Cornelius unsure if they were serious. Considering her plucky attitude after being shot last night, he was actually willing to believe it to be possible. He then remembered something.

“Speaking of Pinkie Pie, I think somepony mentioned something about her working at a bakery last night. Can either of you confirm this for me?” He asked.

“Oh sure, Sugarcube Corner is a couple blocks over that way. Just look for the giant ginger bread house. It’s quite the sight. You can’t miss it,” Applejack said and pointed in the direction.

“Alright, I promised Ash some donuts so I guess I’ll see you two later then,” Cornelius said. He started to walk away before shortly turning around to add, “And thanks again for being so understanding, I can’t stress that enough”

As he walked out of view, Rainbow Dash began to let out a few small giggles.

“Now what is it?” Applejack asked.

Rainbow Dash giggled some more before simply saying “Dr. Feelgood.”

It took a bit for the orange mare to remember the context that came from and gave a few giggles of her own when she did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh wow…”

That was all Cornelius could say as he stood in front of Pinkie Pie’s supposed work place. When Rainbow Dash said to be on the look out for a giant gingerbread house, he merely assumed a confection out on display in a store window, not an actual house made to look like it was constructed out of various treats.

‘It, it is supposed to only look like it was made out of treats, right?’ Cornelius thought, ‘This Pinkie Pie is an odd one, but she can’t possibly live in a gingerbread house, can she? Even if candy was stable enough as a building material, there would be so many complications. If it rained, everything would get all soggy and melt. Not to mention all of the different animals that would be constantly trying to eat it.’

Cornelius shook his head clear of those thoughts.

“What am I thinking? This is something Ash would wonder about,” he said to himself.

He walked up to the door step and was about to knock when the candy cane support beam holding up the ceiling porch caught his eye. He examined the surface and felt it with his hoof. It was perfectly smooth and round. It was either finely sanded wood or something else entirely. He could only think of one way to find out. Cornelius shook his head a second time.

“Oh come on, Cornelius, that’s something only Ash would try...” he said.

He paused for a bit and looked to the left and right. Nopony on either side. He looked back to the supposed support beam.

“Well…” he said doubtfully.

He closed his eyes and stuck out his tongue while leaning towards the stripped pillar. Just as he was about to make contact, he was interrupted by a familiar bubbly voice.

“Don’t even bother silly! I already tried and it doesn’t taste anything like candy canes!”

Cornelius froze in place and turned his head around to see none other than Pinkie Pie wearing a big goofy smile, along with Fluttershy simply sporting a confused look right behind her.

‘Damn, it’s going to take forever to earn all those self respect points back that I just lost,’ Cornelius thought.

“Oh, there you are. I was just looking for you,” he said as if he hadn’t just been caught about to taste a wooden pillar.

Because he was.

“Um, uh, so how does your leg feel? Are there any particular pains I should know about?” he continued, trying to change the subject.

“Nah, being shot in the leg really isn’t as bad as you’d think it would be. Fluttershy here was worried so she came by earlier to check up on me, too,” Pinkie said.

Fluttershy looked at the ground at her name being mentioned.

“I was just concerned is all,” She spoke in a quiet voice.

“Besides, as long as I have this injury I hardly have to do any work for Mr. and Mrs. Cake! Who knew shotguns could be so useful?” Pinkie happily said.

Cornelius stared at her thinking, ‘This mare isn’t possible.’

“Wait, Mr. and Mrs. Ca-? Oh! Oh right you work here don’t you? That was actually the other reason I came over here. See, Ash felt terrible about what happened last night when she found out this morning. Poor thing almost cried. So I was going to pick up some donuts for her to help cheer her up,” Cornelius explained.

Pinkie Pie put her hoof over her mouth.

“That’s awful!” she exclaimed. “Stay right here! I have an idea!”

Pinkie Pie zipped inside the bakery before Cornelius could say another word. And came back out before he could ask Fluttershy what her deal was. When she returned, she had a flat, rectangular box balanced on her back and opened it up with her hoof so that the other two ponies could see its contents.

Cornelius merely said, “Well, I’ll be damned”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You sure this is the place, Neal?”

“No doubt about it. That’s Copper Hoof Clyde’s hide out.”

Ash and Cornelius were in the winding desert valleys of Rough Rider Ridge, spying on their latest bounty’s stowaway from an elevated plateau.

“Can you see what they’re doing?” Ash asked.

“Yeah, looks like their playing cards. There’s only five of them, Clyde included. We should easily be able to get the drop on them. Bring us on over behind that rock nice and quiet like,” he explained.

“No problem” Ash said and slowly drove the motorcycle to the spot Cornelius directed. Once she was there, she shut the vehicle down and began to ready her guns.

“Now remember, I can only maintain the bullet protection spell if I can keep a clear line of sight to you. I’ll keep as much distance as I can but should they try attack me, I’m going to need some help, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah; I know, Neal. We’ve only done this, like, a hundred times before. It’s not like we're dealing with anything dangerous here anyways. These guys are just small time smugglers,” Ash replied.

Cornelius sighed “That’s no excuse to treat this one any differently then the others. Overconfidence is the best way to get ourselves killed out here. Just promise me you won’t do anything reckless, okay?”

Ash just smiled “Don’t you worry your pretty little head, Cornelius. I’ll sooner be dining on a cinderblock and sewing a necklace out of the fallen out teeth than let anypony lay a hoof on you. You ready?”

Cornelius grinned at his friend’s reassuring attitude. “Alright, let’s do it.”

The two of them slowly snuck up to the front door of the rundown shack making sure not to be detected by the occupants inside. The two of them stood on both sides of the door. After a pause to raise dramatic tension, Cornelius nodded to Ash. After returning the nod, Ash bucked down the door and started shooting her hoofgun.

“Introducing our latest and greatest product, bullets!” BLAM! BLAM! “Guarantee to solve all of your problems! Does your dog bark too much and doesn’t shut up?” BLAM! BLAM! “Tired of the mailcolt always delivering the wrong mail to your address?” BLAM! “How about that nasty mother-in-law of yours? Watch in awe as Bullets make all of these problems disappear before your very eyes!” Ash screamed as she shot at the unsuspecting outlaws.

She loves her job. She really does.

Ash had managed to down two of the five ponies before they could realize they were under attack. When they did, they flipped over the table for cover and began to return fire. Once they did, Ash ducked back behind the door.

“Gimmie the shotgun, Neal. I’m going in!” Ash said.

“You got it, boss, I’ll be right behind you” Cornelius replied as he levitated Ash’s favorite firearm to her.

With the shotgun held firmly in her teeth, Ash barged into the flurry of oncoming bullets, the majority of them harmlessly bouncing off her body thanks to Cornelius’s spell, with the creator of said spell following close behind, using her as a makeshift shield to protect himself from any stray shots. Ash slammed her body into the overturned table as soon as she closed the distance breaking it into dozens of pieces as well as kicking up a considerable amount of dust. Ash unloaded a few rounds of buckshot into dazed ponies’ legs as soon as the dust cleared.

“And that’s how it’s done” Ash said triumphantly.

“Lets see now, one, two- hey I thought you said there were five of them Neal.” She turned around to question her friend, only for her eyes to witness a grim sight. “Oh pony feathers,” she quipped.

In the midst of the brawl Copper Hoof Clyde had managed to escape her sights and was now making a beeline towards Cornelius with a butcher knife levitated using magic Cornelius was backed up against a wall and defenseless.

“I’m gonna gut you like a trout, boy!” he said.

Ash’s first instinct was to shoot him then and there with her shotgun, but knew that the spread of the blast might hit Cornelius as well. She looked around for an idea but the only thing nearby was a chair. Acting completely on a whim, she positioned herself behind the chair and gave it a good hard buck, sending it flying through the air straight at Clyde and knocking him out cold as the chair broke on contact with the back of his head.

After tying the outlaws up, placing a magic suppressant ring on Clyde’s horn, and bandaging up the wounds well enough for them to be transported to jail, Cornelius sent a letter to the royal guard to pick up their bounty and deliver them their pay.

“Alright Ash, it will be about thirty minutes before the guards arrive. Do you want to just taunt the bounties while I take a nap in the side car while we wait?” Cornelius asked.

“Actually, I had something else in mind on what we could do,” Ash said in a sultry tone. Her eyes were half closed as she slowly approached her friend.

“Wha-what do you mean?” Cornelius replied, taken aback by the sudden change in atmosphere.

Ash whispered something into Cornelius’s ear that caused him to blush profusely.

“Re-really? Right here? B-but the outlaws are right there!” Cornelius stammered.

“They’re going to jail anyways. Besides we’ve done it in a public park full of kids and parents. I don’t see how this is any worse,” Ash replied.

“But what if the guards come while we’re still doing it?” Cornelius reasoned.

“That’s okay with me; I would love for them to watch. Maybe if were lucky, they might even agree to join us,” Ash answered in a soft voice.

This only made Cornelius blush even harder.

“You really are insane, you know that?” Cornelius said.

“And you’re saying that as if you didn’t love me for it. Ready?”

“Okay,” Cornelius took in a deep nervous breath. “Let’s do it”

Ash walked over to her motorcycle and replaced the CD in the music player. Shortly afterwards, the Caramelldansen speedy cake mix started playing. She returned to Cornelius’s side and joined him in dance as they both waved hooves over their heads as the swayed their hips in time with the music. Copper Hooves Clyde regained conscience as the music sounded and looked in awe at his two captors.

“On the slim chance that any of you have a knife they can use to cut the ropes, just use it to kill me instead. I’d rather be dead than live free knowing that two idiots like this were able to catch me,” Clyde said miserably.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Come on swing your hips singing wha-ah-ah. Look at your two clips, do it la-la-la. You and me, can sing this melody,” Ash mumbled as she shifted from under her blanket.

“Ash? Ash wake up, I’ve got breakfast” Cornelius said as he gently shook Ash awake.

“Hmm... wha’?” She groggily said as she opened her eyes. “Oh, hey Neal, did you get donuts like I ask-?”

She stopped in mid sentence when she saw a pink pony standing behind her best friend.

A pink pony with bandages wrapped around her leg.

A pink pony she shot last night.

At a lost for words, Ash couldn’t help but stare. Pinkie Pie moved Cornelius aside so she could sit down next to Ash. She held out a large éclair with the words “I forgive you for shooting me” written in white frosting on it. After a moment of silence, Ash could only think of one thing to say.

“That’s hilarious.”

Wrong for the wrong reason

Thanks to Pinkie Pie’s light hearted donut charade, Ash was able to join the other three ponies in a relatively guilt-free breakfast. Even Fluttershy, who was still a good deal weary of Ash, was feeling pretty relaxed about things. As the last donut was consumed, Cornelius stood up.

“Alright Ash, I’m going to go to the local hospital and apply for a part-time job. I’m not sure how long it will take, but afterwards I’m going to drop by the postal office to send for some of our personal belongings back home. So I want you to make a list of things you want by the time I get back, okay?” Cornelius explained.

“Really? We can do that? Alright then, cool,” Ash said, surprised.

Ash briefly went through her head on what things she might want. The first thing that came to her mind was probably going to cause the most controversy.

“Oh! Hey! Can I get my-” she began.

“I know what you’re going to say,” Cornelius cut in. “And the answer is yes, but ONLY, if you promise not to flash it around like last time.”

“Alright, but you have to admit, it was pretty boss,” Ash said.

“Whatcha talking about Ashy?” Pinkie Pie inquired.

“Oh nothing, I’ll show you when it gets here,” Ash replied.

“It, it’s not another gun… Is it?” Fluttershy quietly said, her sense of security that she had only just recently acquired around the black manned biker starting to fade.

“What? No, I mean well, it IS a weapon, but it was made for decoration purposes, right Neal?” Ash said.

‘Pshhh, if only she had that mindset back in high school. Almost got us both expelled doing that little stunt’ Cornelius thought.

He could recount the history behind this Celestia forsaken item to Ash’s two new friends, but decided against it. Fluttershy had been frightened by Ash’s antics enough as it is.

“Oh sure, that thing’s no more dangerous than a toothbrush. There isn't anything to worry about,” he assured Fluttershy.

That seemed to do the trick as the timid yellow pony visibly relaxed at the statement. Living with Ash has taught Cornelius how to effectively lie when he needed to, a skill he was both proud, and ashamed of at the same time.

“Anyways, I’ll be leaving now. Try not to cause anymore trouble than usual, okay Ash?” he said.

Ash let out a playful chuckle and said, “Okay, I’ll do my best”

Satisfied with her answer, Cornelius went back outside to find his hopefully soon-to-be work place. After he shut the door, Pinkie Pie turned to Ash.

“Hey Ash, can I ask you a question?” said Pinkie.

“Sure, go ahead,” Ash replied.

“Why does Cornelius act and talk to you like he’s your dad and you are a little filly? Are you two playing a never ending game of make believe? Because I tried that once and it didn't get very far,” she said.

“He what?” Ash paused for bit to process what the pink pony asked. “Oh. Yeah, I guess it does kind of sound like that doesn't it? Well see, you might not know it yet, but I have a tendency to impulsively do things without thinking them through.”

Ash gestured at Pinkie Pie’s injured leg and gave a guilty grin.

“I suppose you’re a living testament to that fact. So I guess that because me and him have spent most of our lives together, it’s probably become something of a habit for him to try and keep me out of trouble.”

“Oh I get it, kind of like how Fluttershy here is super shy of everything, so I have to come and drag her along so that she can have some fun once in a while,” Pinkie reasoned.

Fluttershy had the slightest look of annoyance on her face, so small, you would need a microscope to notice it.

“I wouldn't say I’m too shy to have fun,” she said softly.

“Uh, yeah. Sure,” Ash said, “So do you guys have anything planed for today? Other than that list, which I probably would have made at the last second anyways, I don’t have anything else to do.”

“We sure do!” answered the party-throwing pony.

“You see, today is Fluttershy and Rarity’s weekly spa day. Normally just the two of them go, but Fluttershy felt bad about me being shot in the leg so she decided to invite me along for the day. You can come too if you’d like, right Fluttershy?”

She turned her head back to Fluttershy. With all eyes on her, Fluttershy’s voice went softer than usual.

“Well, if you want to, it’s um, its okay with me.”

“Great! What do ya say Ashy?” Pinkie replied.

Ash wasn't so sure about this one. She was never into cosmetics or make up as a filly, and that had never changed in her life.

“I don’t know, what do you usually do at the spa Flutters?” Ash asked.

“Oh, well, me and Rarity usually start off with a mud mask treatment and a hooficure and then we end with a relaxing message and sit a spell in the steam room,” Fluttershy explained.

“Oh, hell yeah. I was worried that the whole thing would be an elaborate make over, but I’m definitely down for a massage and hot tub,” Ash said.

“Great! Let’s get going then,” Pinkie said as she bounced out of the room with two ponies in tow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So this is Ponyville General. It’s a bit bigger than I imagined?”

Aside from asking a local once to send him in the right direction, finding the place was easy enough with the red cross perched atop the building and placed out front on a sign to the side of the building. He walked through the doors into the waiting lobby and front desk. The buildings interior smelled of sanitation and disinfectant agents, as expected of a hospital. Cornelius had always been aligned with hygiene, so he welcomed this odor.

‘I belong in a place like this,’ he thought.

As he was taking in the atmosphere the receptionist spoke.

“Hello there, welcome to Ponyville General Hospital. Can I help you today?”

Cornelius brought his attention back to the front desk.

“Oh hello, my name is Cornelius. I’m new here in Ponyville and I was hoping I could apply for a job here. Would you happen to have an application I could fill out?”

“You’re looking for work?” She inquired. “Excellent! I can take you in for an interview right now if you’d like.”

Cornelius was surprised at this. “Really?” He asked.

“Sure,” she said. “We actually don’t have many ponies with medical training here in Ponyville, so we’ll take all the help we can get.”

“Oh, that’s rather convenient,” he said.

“Very much so, yes. Let me introduce myself, my name is Nurse Redheart,” she said.

The receptionist stood up from her stool and stretched a little. She looked to the hallway behind her.

“Tenderheart, would you watch the front desk for me? This stallion is looking applying for a job so I’ll be interviewing him.”

“Sure thing, Reddy,” another pony said as she walked up and took the receptionist’s place.

“Excellent,” she said. “Right this way, sir.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

True to Pinkie’s word, Ash accompanied her, Fluttershy, and Rarity to the spa.

“Wait wait wait, hold up,” Ash said. “You mean to tell me that not only had you managed to control Cerberus, the giant three headed canine guardian of the gates of Tartarus, but you got him on his back and gave it a tummy rub? That’s crazier than half of the things I've done. And quite frankly, most of the ponies I meet genuinely think I belong in an asylum!”

The four mares laughed as they relaxed in the sauna.

“It’s true, dearie,” Rarity said. “When it comes to animals, Fluttershy here simply can’t be beat.”

“She sure can’t!” Pinkie exclaimed. “That’s why she’s in charge of our weekly pet play dates. Isn't that right Fluttershy?”

The timid yellow hid her eyes behind her single bang at the sudden praise. “Oh well, you know…” she whispered.

“Weekly pet play dates? What are those like?” Ash asked.

“Oh, it’s simply wonderful!” Fluttershy said. Since animals are her comfort zone, her increase in volume, albeit not much, wasn't much of a surprise to Rarity and Pinkie Pie.

“Usually having them all together playing in one place is more than enough, but I like to organize activities for them once in a while. Oh, they all have so much fun,” she gushed.

“It’s usually just the six of us, but we've been trying to convince other ponies in Ponyville to join us and make it an unofficial official thing! If you and Cornelius ever get a pet you’re more than welcome to come!” Pinkie added.

“Funny you should mention that. Me and Neal did talk a little about getting a pet before coming here, but I’m not sure if we could find something we’d both be entirely happy with,” Ash said.

“Then you should talk to Fluttershy, she’s the best pet match maker in all of Equestria!”

At first, Ash giggled at Pinkie’s enthusiasm. After a moment of silence however, she was struck with an idea.

“Say Fluttershy, tell me. What do you know about Mountain Lions?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well Cornelius, you certainly seem more then qualified to work at a hospital. Tell me, what prior experience do you have working in medical professions?”

Nurse Redheart led the still somewhat taken aback Cornelius into a conference room. The two sat down and after a bit of small talk and examining his resume, she began the interview.

“None, really,” he said, “I’m a bounty hunter you see, so I apply most of my knowledge tending to the wounds of my colleague and the outlaws we capture.”

“A, a bounty hunter?” she said, a curious expression on her face.

Cornelius’s eyes widened in realization.

‘Oh no, I should have known this was going way too smoothly,’ he thought. ‘I’m going to have to choose the rest of my words carefully.’

“Can you tell me a bit about that?” she asked.

‘Very carefully,’ he thought.

“R-rest assured, it’s nothing to worry about. We’re registered and everything. I don’t even do any of the fighting, that’s my partner’s job. Y-you know, hypocritical oath and all,” he explained.

“Fighting? This sounds like awfully dangerous work,” Redheart said.

‘Oh Celestia this is going down hill fast,’ he thought.

“Well, yes. I mean being fugitives of the law, the ponies we capture aren't very willing to go to jail. Much of my medical experience comes from treating bullet wounds.”

“Bullet wounds? You mean to say that you've been shot before?” Redheart said. She was utterly fascinated at this point.

“Err, well yes but, uh… N-not to say that bullet wounds are all I can treat! I mean, I...”

Cornelius was beginning to panic now. He had to try and steer the conversation in a different direction and away from his career as a bounty hunter. Meanwhile, Nurse Redheart’s mind was equally occupied. Life in Ponyville was so quiet and relaxed. However, this stallion’s life seemed to be anything but. Living on the road and capturing criminals sounded so brash, so difficult, so… Exciting…

She was brought back to reality from her imaginative trance when Cornelius spoke.

“Perhaps we should change the subject. I’m sure you have a few questions regarding my medical education from the University of Baltimare,” he said.

“Huh?” She muttered. “Oh, um no no, I've heard enough. Yes Cornelius, we’d be glad to hire you.”

“Wha- Really? I mean, thank you but, that was awfully short for an interview,” he said.

“Yeah, sure. It’s, uh, like I said it’s a tad hard to come by ponies with medical training around here so we’re not too picky when it comes to hiring,” she nodded her head, “Yeah that’s it.”

“Well, if you say so,” he said, perhaps just a tad reluctantly.

“Excellent! Now if you’ll just follow me to Dr. Stable’s office, he can get you set up with the paper work,” she said as she stood up.

Cornelius followed suit, but as he stood up and faced the door again he saw something he hadn’t expected. Out in the hallway were three ponies, all of them mares, including Nurse Tenderheart who was supposedly supposed to be at the front desk. They all wore the same intrigued expressions that Redheart had when asking him about his bounty hunting career. As Redheart lead him out of the room and back into the hallway, the gathered mares donned sheepish expressions as they disbanded.

‘Wait a minute…’ he thought. ‘I think I’m missing something’
But before he could gather his thoughts, he and Redheart had entered an office occupied by a unicorn pony with autumn fur and brown hair. He wore a lab coat and head mirror. He looked up from the papers he was examining and spoke.

“Ah there you are Redheart. How did the interview go? Will we be hiring Cornelius today?” he said.

“Yes sir, he just needs to fill out the forms and he’ll be able to start as soon as next week,” Redheart replied.

“Very good then, that’ll be all thank you,” he said.

Nurse Redheart nodded and after taking one last glance at Cornelius, left the room. Dr. Stable motioned for him to sit down.

“So,” he said. “You’re the new employee I've been hearing about. I must say, the rest of the staff seems to have taken a liking to you rather quickly hmm?” He gave a knowing grin.

‘What is he talking abou- oh. Oh! Oh no’ He thought.

“No, uh, I’m already in a relationship I’m afraid. I’m just here for the job thank you,” Cornelius said.

“Is that so? Well I hope she’s not the jealous type, because I happen to know that every one of them are single,” Dr. Stable said.

‘Oh dear no, that’s even worse. Ash couldn't be any more of a jealous type,’ he thought.

Dr. Stable went on, “Yes, if I was younger then I am now, tending to patients wouldn't be the only thing I do here.”

Cornelius cleared his throat. “If I could just fill out my papers and leave that would be great.”

“In a hurry are you? I didn't know you had already managed to pencil in a date or two. You must quite the mare’s stallion,” Dr. Stable raised his eyebrows as he said this.

“Please, don’t,” was all Cornelius could say at this point.

He quickly signed his signature on the provided papers and hastily exited the building, but not without receiving a few curious looks from his soon to be co-workers. He began talking to himself on his way home.

‘Well, I certainly wasn't expecting things to happen like that. I figured the residents here in Ponyville to lean away from the whole bounty hunter scenario, not actually be attracted to it. I have enough trouble keeping Ash from going medieval on mares that she thought were looking at me the wrong way, much less openly flirting. Well, as long as I make it clear that I’m not available, I’m sure they’ll respect that and leave it be. Regardless, I should probably do what I can to keep Ash away from the hospital.’

He stopped and shook his head.

“Phhft, look at me, acting like I’m some singer in a boy band with dozens of mares lining up to meet me. I’m sure it will be fine,” he said aloud. He was standing just in front of his new house now.

“Speaking of which, I wonder if Ash made her list yet. Knowing her, she probably just started,” he let out a fond sigh.

“Oh Ash, what am I going to do with you?”

He trotted up the porch stairs and opened the door.

“Hey Ash, guess who just got a job at the hosp-”

Cornelius froze in mid sentence at what he saw. Rarity had a sheet of instructions held with her magic while Pinkie Pie was building, something, with various construction tools and pieces of lumber splayed out across the floor. Meanwhile, Fluttershy and Ash were laying on the ground, the former pointing out things to the latter in a few open books. None of this is what made Cornelius at a loss for words though. No, the thing that made him stand still in stock was the thing lying right next to Ash: a tawny colored feline, roughly as big, or quite possibly bigger, than an average pony. As attention was brought to him when he opened the door, Ash was the first to speak.

“Hey Neal, what’s up?” she said casually.

But Cornelius didn't reply. Instead, he stepped back, closed the door, and waited a whole thirty seconds before re-opening it only to witness the same scene.

“So how did the job thing go?” Pinkie Pie asked.

Cornelius ignored her. “Ash…” he said. “What is that?”

“Oh this? This is a book. Pfft, and you call yourself the smart one,” Ash said. She didn't show it, but she was having fun with this moment. Way too much fun in fact.

Cornelius had bear witness to Ash’s antics so many times before, he couldn't tell if he was about to flip out or not, and instinctively kept his (usually) calm voice when stuff like this happened.

“Oh, you’re referring to this little girl here aren't you?” Ash petted the feline as she said this.

“Yes, yes I am.”

“Okay. Well, remember when we were talking about getting a pet when we moved here in Ponyville?”

“Regrettably, yes.”

“And remember how I suggested a mountain lion, but you wouldn’t take the idea seriously?”

“Y-yes”

“Great!” Ash clapped her hooves together. “Then we’re all caught up. So what do you want to name her?”

“Now hold on a minute. How in Equestria did you manage to convince a fully grown predator to just follow you into our new house?”

“That part wasn't me, we can thank Fluttershy for that. The mare’s a freaking miracle worker with animals!”

Being the animal lover she is, Fluttershy felt compelled to support this.

“I can see you’re not entirely sure about this Cornelius, but I can assure you that keeping mountain lions as companions isn’t that much different than regular domesticated cats,” Fluttershy said.

“Is that so?” he said, still not entirely sold on the idea.

“Fluttershy even lent us some books about mountain lions and keeping them as pets,” Ash said.

“Wait, they actually have books on the subject?” he said.

“I know, I didn't believe it either until she showed me,” Ash picked on up and brought it to Cornelius for him to see.

He levitated the book to his face and read the title aloud, “Big Cats as Pets.”

“Okay, so what are you two doing over there?” he said as he motioned over to Pinkie Pie and Rarity.

“Easy!” Pinkie said. “We’re making a jumbo sized litter box”

Rarity pitched in, “Normally, we’d just buy one but seeing as how this isn't an ordinary house cat the ones in stock at the pet store were all too small.”

Cornelius briefly stopped again to re-take in his surroundings before he spoke again.

“You really took out all the stops on this one didn't you?” he said.

“What can I say? I’m an ambitious mare,” Ash replied.

“And you’re really prepared to take responsibility for caring for a pet?” he added.

“Neal, I’m reading books for this. The only read books I've ever read are the textbooks in school, and that was mandatory. You know me well enough to know that says something,” she said.

Cornelius let out a deep, long sigh.

“Oh for the love of this earth and all who inhabit it I can’t believe I’m about to say this but…”

Ash’s eyes doubled in size.

“Ash, you can keep the Mountain Lion.”

“AWWW YEAHHH!” Ash shouted.

“Okay, okay, no need to shout now,” he said.

“By the way, Ash”

“Yeah Neal?”

“Did you make your list of things that you wanted sent to us from home yet?”

Ash had a blank look on her face now and after a moderate moment of not saying anything, spoke.

“Killjoy.”

Author's Note

Sorry for the inexcusable lateness on this one guys. I started this chapter a while ago but hit a bit of a road block and only just recently finished it. If you have long since forgotten about this fan fiction and have moved on to better, more frequently updated stories, then you made the right choice. If you've been reading the story as a whole and had been waiting patiently for this chapter, you made the wrong choice, but I am humbled regardless.