Call of Duty and My Little Pony don't mix

by Vespi

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Crossover, Human, Comedy
Length: 1909

The world changed, BLACK OPS 2!

Vespi was just having a normal day when he heard Black Ops 2 was coming out

Then the 2 worlds collided, the world of Treyarch, and the world of Equestria. And just like a semi-aborted fetus with fetal alcohol syndrome, it ain't pretty.

A story to urge other writers to stop making Cod/MLP fics

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-03 01:04:02 UTC

Call of Duty and My Little Pony don't mix

The next thing I saw was a brick building. I turned my head to study my analysis; I was in a city, a large city at that. There were blocks upon blocks of impoverished looking apartments in all directions. The streets were dirty and shady; there were few ponies on the street at all. The area was what I expected for a slum, the world in some places always prospered, and in other places the world suffered.

I studied the sign to the brick building. It said “Saw Bone’s Doctorial Office” The D and O of doctorial were missing and barely noticeable only by a thin black outline. It was apparent that we were going to have to-

That should be enough for now I thought in my mind. It wasn’t much for a new chapter but my fans were understanding; they always have been. I closed the word document for one minute to simply check my Facebook. I entered the website and skimmed down the “Status Update” area. Nothing much was updated, a picture of my friend Dan (Who also somehow ended up in my most notable fan fiction “6 Friends and Luck”) had added a picture. X was now in a relationship with Y. Mike and Colin were instantly chatting about a video of Mike blowing up a quarter stick of dynamite with his baseball bat. Tyler had posted a video, it read “Reveal Trailer - Official Call of Duty: Black Ops 2”. Below it said- WAIT WHAT!? ANOTHER COD! ASHDASKDKWQEKQWKHEKASDKASDK OUT OF MY WAY RANDOM TEXT!

I clicked the link in the bottom right hand corner and allowed the video to warp me to YouTube. I watched in amazement for the next 2 minutes. O absorbed every single second of the trailer; it was a Call of Duty game alright. Robots, horses, America randomly blowing up…it fitted perfectly, minus the robots and horses.

Fuck writing! I shouted in my mind, I closed out all 7 of my tabs and turned the Xbox on. I instantly noticed every single one of my friends were online. I instantly joined my friends Mike’s party. I was the 8th person in the party, lucky me.

“THIS IS SO AWESOME!” Dan screamed

“THE GRAPHICS KICK ASS!” Mike screamed, they must all be watching the trailer on their IPads or IPhones or IPods or whatever.

“THERE IS A SQUIRREL AND A HORSE IN THE SAME TRAILER! I MUST HAVE IT!” Tyler screamed

“AND ITS MADE BY FUCKING TREYARCH! THERE ARE GOING TO BE ZOMBIES!” I screamed, joining the riot of screaming teenagers

“AND ITS BLACK OPS TOO! THERE ARE GOING TO BE ZOMBIES!” Mike screamed adding in “asdkasdasdjqwekqwek” sounds in-between the few corrigible words he sputtered

“Dude this game looks gay” Harrison said “I am definitely not buying this”

The entire party fell silent,  we called Harrison “Gayan” for a reason.

“Dude we got to get this game!” Mike screamed

“But we still got to wait till 11.13.12!” I exclaimed

“That is it!” Tyler said in mid-revelation “All we got to do is go to Equestria and ask Princess Celestia to give us all copies!”

“Tyler, I’m not Jesus, just because I write MLP fanfiction doesn’t mean I can just poof us to Equestria!” I said “NOW WE NEED THIS GAME NOW!”

“Silly author get back to work!” a voice cooed from behind me, I turned around t see pinkie Pie looking right at me with an impatient glare.

“…How did you get to New Jersey?” I questioned

“Vespi who are you talking to?” Mike asked

“Pinkie Pie is right in my room” I said plainly. The way I said it had a huge effect on Mike, instead of running his mouth he shat (Which is a word in the dictionary I mind you) up and listened intently.

“This is an Anti-Equestrian game!” Pinkie Pie said “Look at the trailer! Didn’t you notice all the horses die but the humans don’t?”

“….because there horses?” I said

“Well what about the maps? When was the last time there was something like a pony or a zebra or a buffalo in a map!?”

“Back in Black Ops there was that map zoo, which was based on a zoo”

“What about the titles and emblems!? WHEN HAS THERE BEEN A EQUESTRIANT ITLE?”

“There is that title “So Intense” and that Title for your clan” I responded

“Fine” Pinkie Pie said in an infuriated huff, walking out of my bed room as randomly as she came in.

“Okay so anyone up for some Team Tac?” I asked

Next of course Princess Celestia came in, her aura like mane just as it looked on TV.

“Sorry Princess Celestia can’t talk now, excited about the next Cod” I said

“Michael, shouldn’t you be focused on Pinkie Pie and her friends preparing to destroy the evil corporation of Treyarch? Shouldn’t you be using more adjectives while you’re at it? Maybe add some satire?” The Princess asked

“Nope, sorry but Cod > Equestria” I said

Moments later I was removed as author, the new author is: Mike Hoppe (This is going to be great)!

I loaded the M16, where I got it? I put it in my custom class stupid. I attached several grenades and flash bangs onto my light armor (Even though it is on me at all times it doesn’t stop bullets) and put a like P99 pistol into its rightful holster.

“Y’all ready sugarcube?” Applejack asked in her normal gruff Russian accent

“Ready!” FlutterGhost said from behind her balaclava, the picture of a skull was drawn onto it giving her the appearance of a living boogey man.

“READY!” Frost Dash exclaimed, already on point, since she had to do everything.

“Prêt allié!” Sabre (Played as Rarity voiced by Jean-Michel Richaud) said, equipped in her sterling and shining blue and yellow GIGN uniform.

“Let’s get them!” Pinkie Mactavish said, making her Mohawk extra Mohawk like to scare the enemy.

“Okay this is Captain Price Sparkle, time to finish this fight!” She shouted, blasting the charge. From there random Cod like violence occurred, for no apparent reason the plot exploded and all they had to do was mindlessly blow everything up with the occasional semi-cinematic occurrence to stall them.

“WHY DID I PLAY AS FROST! HE DIES IN THE END!” Frost Dash said, her fate left “unknown” (Even though it was obvious that she died, but it was still necessary since everyone would be sad if they plainly said “she got crushed by a giant fucking rock”)

“RECHARGEMENT RECHARGEMENT me couvre, je détruis cette mitrailleuse” Sabre screamed in her derpy language

“RUSSIAN MOTHER ублюдок! Do you говорить it?” Yurijack screamed while getting impaled by a random object, Makarya randomly came by and shot her in the face, before running off to appear in JasonTheHuman’s great story “Anthropology”. But sadly after her first speaking role she got hit by a care package.

“FlutterGhost cover me! Price Sparkle screamed, sadly Flutter Ghost was already transformed into an unlockable title, which is earned by reaching Prestige 10 in online multiplayer in Modern Warfare 3.

“Overderp we need an AC-130 strike NOW!” Price Sparkle shouted

“This is Overderp standing by, expect a Bon-Bon-130 inbound in Oscar mike” Overderp said. Sadly Overderp didn’t know what an Oscar Mike was so Bon-Bon randomly crashed her 132.4 million dollar weapon into the roof of the skyscraper, which did nothing but piss everyone off and send more Russian soldiers conveniently spawned right in front of them.

“Overderp this is Sparkle 141 were is Team Apple?” Price Sparkle screamed, using her noobtube to kill the entire enemy team, causing them all to ragequit.

“Apple Team is coming by, watch your fire.” Overderp ordered

Right then a light tank crashed through the wall, Sgt. Apple Bloom firing the light machine guns stationed on top. Then of course some fag had c4 right then and there and blew the entire APC up; killing Big Mactavish (Pinkie Mactavish’s decoy) and the rest of Team Apple.

“THEY GOT A JUGGERPONY!” Pinkie Mactavish screamed, falling off a clock tower and dying…why were they on a clock tower again?

The juggerpony randomly appeared and shot at everyone with his M60, fortunately Price Sparkle read the tips on the loading screen and crammed a missile down it’s throat.

“O hey Cpt Reznov what are you doing in this game?” Price Sparkle asked

“Look at my horse my horse is amazing GIVE IT A LICK IT TASTES JUST LIKE RAISINS!” Cpt. Reznov said, then it turns out his horse was a very pissed of Shining Armor, which kicked Reznov off his back, causing him to break his hip, because he is old.

Stuff went like that for a while, then a bunch of zombies came around and were kicked out, but since Black Ops 2 was coming they were let back in and were allowed to eat everypony. FlutterGhost went back to pony form but was shot in the head by Shepard Scratch. That just left Price Sparkle and Pinkie Mactavish, wait what happened to the French guy? I don’t care…he didn’t really have a big role either. Let’s say he now works at a law firm or something like that…

“WAIT WAIT WAIIIIIIIITTTT!” Vespi screamed, so how did he get the fuck back in this story!?

“What do you want ex-author?” Price Sparkle asked in her British not British accent.

“This doesn’t have to happen!”  Vespi said “we can all get along!”

“We always got along!” Pinkie Mactavish said “But stupid Treyarch ruined Cod!”

“COD HAS ALWAYS BEEN RUINED YOU SPED!” I shouted “But that is why us humans play it, so we can enjoy all the not so improved game modes and the same graphics from 2004. WE WANT TO PLAY IT! WE WILL PLAY IT!”

Price Sparkle and Pinkie Mactavish both looked at each other and dropped their guns. Just then all the superficial, paranoid, and insecure guys killed the two ponies where they stand. Then Vespi and his friends ambushed those fags and killed them.

“Well we win again” Vespi said

“Stupid try-hard speds” Mike remarked, tea bagging the bodies

Just then Princess Celestia finally gave up on humanity and dropped a MOAB

“O shit” Tyler said

BLAM

No more Treyarch

***

“But papa Hooves, that was a terrible story!” Baby Hooves said to his father Doctor Hooves, who was sitting by the fire place in their library in his favorite red velvet chair.

“O son you must learn, there is no such thing as a stupid story, just stupid people!” Doctor Hooves said laughing all the way.

In the end Black Ops 2 finally came out and every human loved it, Princess Celestia was overthrown by her friend Pinkie Mactaish who was murdered by Octavia the assassin from Coltence next to Naypales. She was then killed by Luna Clarke with her Magic Cutter, then everything repeated itself and Price Sparkle killed everyone else with a Tactical Nuke and everything went back to normal.

I hope we have all learned something today, there is Call of Duty and there is My little Pony Friendship is Magic. Like gasoline and fire, they do not mix. SO STOP MAKING COD CROSSOVERS! Thank you, hopefully now reader, you will be aware of what will happen the next time someone makes a Cod crossover...and if it is a Black Ops 2 crossover....

then the entire world is *FUCKED*