Chapter 1: What are YOU doing here?
My Little Brony: Stuck in Equestria `
By King88965 (Duh)
Chapter 1: What are YOU doing here?
"What is it Applejack?" Pinkie Pie asked "Is it a party? Or a cupcake? Or... or."
"Erm, no sugarcube, 'ah have no idea what it is only that its sleepin' on mah throne and holding something in its, what SHOULD be hooves." replied Applejack. "Wait quiet girls, ah think its waking up." Charlie slowly opened his eyes, his vision still blurry, he closed his eyes for a few seconds, after opening them again his vision had regained focus, he looked up to see six ponies staring down at him. Wait... PONIES? A short, sharp scream escaped from his mouth. He backed up against the wall of the throne.
"Right, so what are YOU doing here? HUMAN!" Twilight sparkle asked, clearly irritated at something, possibly the unexpected visitor that was sleeping on Apple Jacks throne, or maybe it was the fact that Pinkie Pie was somehow breaking two laws of physics at the same time.
"Wait that's what YOU looked like Twilight? I mean I know you said it was weird, but that's just plain disgusting." said Rainbow Dash
"Sorry." replied Charlie, slightly scared of the rainbow pony. "Please don't hurt me Twilight!"
"Hurt, no. Ask, yes." Said Princess Twilight Sparkle
"Uhm tw- Twilight? Please calm down, you're scaring the animals." Fluttershy whispered. Sure enough, the animals were frantically running around the throne room.
"Thank you Fluttersh-"
"SHUT UP HUMAN, HOW DO YOU KNOW OUR NAMES, HUH? HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?"
'Oh god.' Charlie thought to himself. 'how do I explain that? Wait...' "Well princess SHE," pointing at Applejack, "Is named Applejack as stated by Pinkie Pie just over there, so names appear to be based on appearances, for example Applejack over here has three apples on her flank and jack, well meh just... meh, SHE." Pointing at Pinkie Pie, "Is called Pinkie Pie because she's pink and completely ridiculous, Fluttershy is called Fluttershy as she has three butterflies on her flank butterflies flutter, furthermore she is extremely shy, hence the whispering, Rainbow Dash Is HER name as she has a rainbow coloured mane and the rainbow lightning on her flank, Lightning is extremely fast, your average lightning bolt moving at around 3,700 miles per second, another word for sprint is dash, as in a mad dash for the finish line. Rarity is her name as she has diamonds on her flank, which are valuable due to their extreme RARITY. And you." He whispered, still sitting on the crystal throne of apples "are Twilight Sparkle, you have sparkly stars on your flank, stars, apart from the sun, are only seen at night. The most well known time of night is twilight, another word for midnight, Twilight plus sparkly equals Twilight Sparkle." Panting, Charlie looked around the room at the gaping ponies. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked
"Erm, no it's just... we never really thought about that before, I mean... all our names are all based on our appearances, even our cutie marks! And we weren't born with those!" Spike strolled into the room.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH! HAIRLESS DIAMOND DOG ATTACK! HAIRLESS DIAMOND DOG ATTACK! HEEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPP" he screamed and ran out of the castle. Charlie stared at the now open door, eyes wide, the sound of spike screaming something about beating it with a stick still audible.
"That's... not going to be a problem, is it?" Charlie asked.
"Not if we get you back quickly it won't." Twilight stated happily. Charlie just sighed.
"What?" She asked.
"You just basically said it can't get any worse, I highly expect whatever you're going to use in't going to work now." he replied. "Not that I mind, this place looks nice enough."
"I'm going to prove you wrong!" She trotted up the stairs, head held high. The girls and Charlie followed her, facepalming.
Standing in front of the portal, Charlie looked back at the ponies. "Twilight, watch and learn." Slowly, he began walking towards the portal and... slammed right into it "Told you so!" he exclaimed. "I knew it! I knew it! I knew it I knew it I knew it!" He began to dance around the room.
"Twi, do you really look like that when you visit?" Rainbow asked, hoping the answer would be no. Twilight just sighed
"HEY! I'M NOT THAT UGLY!... I mean, please don't hurt me!" Charlie ran to the corner of the room and curled into a ball, bracing himself for what was probably going to hit him in the face
"What?! Now why would I do that?" She asked, seeming genuinely concerned for the human in the corner.
"You mean... you're not going to beat be black and blue and then leave me to crawl back to the apartment I live in with my dad and mother, who will then proceed to beat me themselves?" He asked curiously.
"Umm... no?"
"Huh, cool!"
"So," Charlie began, getting up and walking towards the portal. "What is that book for, and can I set it on fire?"
"Contacting my Canterlot High friends, and definitely not!" Exclaimed Twilight Sparkle.
"Canterlot High?!"
"Why is that so strange?"
"Just a school nearby where I live, or if I can't get out, where I used to live.
"An unexpected visitor and then the portal to get him home stops working, how peculiar." A voice said mischievously as a Draconequus wearing a maid uniform stepped out of the portal. Charlie studied him for a moment.
"Oh hi-." Pinkie Pie started.
"Discord." Charlie finished, satisfied with his conclusion.
"Oh am I that famous? Wow that's really flattering." he said wiping away a fake tear with a handkerchief. "And you are?"
"Umm Charlie. Okay Discord I'm only going to ask this once. Do you realize you're wearing a maids uniform?" He asked, silently praying that nobody would ever know how he REALLY knew their names unless he told them, his conclusions weren't strictly fake though, as he had figured out the names of the ponies in the show the same way the first time he saw it, only this time he was more... certain of his conclusions.
"Oh this old thing? I was working today and forgot to take it off." He clicked his fingers and it disappeared. "Now, where was I? Oh yes, don't all you ponies find it slightly strange that he appears and suddenly the portal doesn't work? Sounds awfully fishy if you ask me." He said and Charlie disappeared, in his place was an angry looking goldfish pounding the wall of his bowl.
"Kinda." They all said, looking at Discord
Charlie swam around to get closer to Fluttershy "Could you try to get me ungoldfishified please, I mean if you can understand me... But you're good with animals, so I'll take my chances." Well, that was what he meant to say... but it came out in a stream of incomprehensible bubbles. She looked at him and nodded. "Could I have a hamburger while you're at it?" He asked. She looked at him strangely, before nodding again.
"Erm... Discord, Charlie wants to be turned back, and he wants a hamburger." Fluttershy whispered.
"And I presume he wants fries with that?" Discord asked, a notepad and pen appearing in his hand.
"And a coke." Charlie bubbled. "But change me back first!"
"And a coke." Fluttershy whispered. "But change him back first."
"One hamburger, one fries and one coke. coming right up!" Discord clicked his fingers and Charlie was changed back, holding a tray with his order on top. He looked down to see his tablet by his feet.
"Charlie. Like. Burger." He then proceeded to sink his teeth into the meaty goodness, ignoring the looks he was getting from the other ponies.
"erm, Charlie... if I may ask... what is in that burger, 'cos it sure as hay aint hay!" Applejack asked.
"Steak, juicy meaty delicious steak!" he answered, forgetting who he was talking to. the last thing he heard before blacking out were the words.
"Nopony eats Bessie!"
Chapter 2: Celestial summons.
My Little Brony: Stuck in Equestria `
By King88965 (Duh)
Chapter 2: Celestial summons.
Charlie's POV
"Bloody ponies." I muttered to myself, my eyes still closed. "Knocking you out because you like a good burger every once in a while." It was around this time that I noticed I couldn't feel anything underneath me, and so I opened my eyes to see... Nothing, nothing anywhere. Just me and an old T.V floating through an empty void. Wait, T.V? I reached out and grabbed it and due to its weightlessness I could grab it with ease. I studied it for moment, the screen was complete static. "WELL OF COURSE! THE ONLY THING HERE THAT COULD PROVIDE SOME FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT DOESN'T WORK! Oh.. wait, of course it wouldn't I'm floating in a prison some asshole pony made me." I hit the T.V once, bashed it on the head, and that seemed to gain some response from it. A voice was emanating from the screen, but it sounded static-y. Is that even a word? I mean, it sounds like it could be a good adjective, but it sounds strange, it doesn't quite roll off the tongue like and. I like the word and, it sounds so weird. And, and and and and, no wait, it's stopped sounding like a word now, maybe its not? I'm rambling. So, anyway, the voice emanating was getting some interference, but from what I could make out, it sounded something like.
"static Man more static Lest even more static o SO MUCH STATIC rap" So, it seemed Lest-o wanted to rap for me? Or maybe it was rape me... I really hope it wasn't rape me. That would be bad, I just hope Lest-o isn't like some sort of child entertainer. Bloody BBC and their Jimmy Saville... naw, Lest-o sounds like a good rapper name, rolls off the tongue, kind of like and... I continue my rambling untill I notice a light... that I was slowly floating towards, no, not a light. A window, but through it I could see purple, and some flashes of orange. Well, that was boring. I don't want to go through that portal/window thingy. Too purple. I don't like purple. Doesn't roll off the tongue, I like blue though, that does roll off. Kinda like and... So I continued rambling and slowly drifting closer to the portal, I realised two things, A: my head feels like someone just chopped it up for a lovely Charlie soup. And B: The purple was translucent. I could see shapes moving around behind it. I was looking forward to getting out of this void, but some asshole god wanted to make a stupid joke, a loud horn could be heard behind me and I turned rond, to see a huge 18 wheeler, with an obscured numberplate, headed right towards my face.
"NO!" I shout, the truck stops. "I am NOT making that joke!"
"Yes you are." A voice boomed.
"No, who are you." I asked. If I could stall for long enough, I might be able to get through the portal in time.
"I am your god!" the voice shouted, irritated that this boy would dare question him.
"Well, I'm an atheist. So, could you be a little quieter please?" I asked. Almost there...
"NOPE!" It shouted, and the truck began picking up speed again.
"HAH!" I laughed. "TOO LATE" and I drifted through the portal.
I studied my surroundings. My head was still throbbing, but I ignored it. I seemed to be in one of Twilight's bubbles. Outside the bubble were five ponies. All except Applejack. Y'know the pony that hit me. The pony that ws standing ove- WAIT WHAT!
"So, ah see ya finally decided to wake." She said, sounding annoyed.
"Oooh! Oooh! Are we doing the joke now?! are we? are we?" I Heard, coming from outside the bubble. Pinkie Pie.
"Nope!" I shouted happily. "I got away from it!" Pinkie turned around and looked at me, right in the eye. Her expression had changed from that of happiness to complete seriousness.
"You shouldn't have done that." She said coldly. "The author always gets his way. That will come back to bite you. Right in the ass." I gulped, when Pinkie was serious, she was serious like, scary serious, like the kind of... I need to stop rambling.
"Are ya tryin' ta ignore me?!" Applejack almost shouted. Oh, yeah I forgot she was standing over me. "Honestly, if somepony's tryin' ta talk to ya, the least ya can do is listen!" I looked up at her, annoyed.
"Seriously? You knock me out because you thought Discord murdered your cow- which he didn't! And you're annoyed with ME?!" I near shouted.
"Well, umm... this might not be the best time to be fightin' we kinda have to be friends." She said.
"Friendship bubble?" I asked.
"Eeyup."
"Only goes away when the occupants become friends?"
"Eeyup."
"so... we're screwed?"
"Probably."
"You up for annoying the hell out of Twilight when we get out of here?" she smiled.
"Eeyup."
"So... where are we going?"
"Canterlot castle, Celestia wants to meet ya."
"Sunbutt wants to talk? Cool. Can you get off me now?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"This is about as much space as we got."
"Right... one last question. Is that Big Macintosh leading an angry mob who all are armed with torches and pitchforks?"
Applejack turned her head around and saw that there was in fact an angry mob of ponies coming right for us with torches and pitchforks.. She turned back around, wide eyed. "TWILIGHT! REALLY BUCKING ANGRY MOB AT 6 O'CLOCK!" Twilight looked around and began to run. And that pony can run when she needs to, fortunately she didn't seem to be using any energy keeping the bubble on. Unfortunately, she was no longer keeping the bubble with her. So we were now surrounded by some very angry ponies, attempting to attack the bubble, it wasn't being affected but it was still slightly irritating.
"So... how's yer day been?"
"I'm not talking to you."
"Well why the hay not?!"
"You really want to become friends, and destroy the bubble OVER THIS!?" I almost shouted. "Honestly, you ponies are dumb."
"HAY!"
"Ummm, not to be awkward but am I moving closer to your belly? Or are my eye going weird." I asked nervously. " Because If its the first one then this bubble is getting smaller and if the bubble is getting smaller, then we're gonna get crushed."
"Smaller, oh buck this thing is getting smaller." she was now lying down on me.
"Ok, umm we have to think of something quickly. Ponies... ponies... what do I know about ponies?" I shut my eyes and entered my 'thought room'. It's effectively a little place in my head where I go to grab all my facts. In theory, you could know everything and never forget anything. Of course, it doesn't quite work like that but it helps with remembering certain little facts you have in your brain. The appearance of mine varies, but it generally looks like how it is now, a long corridor lined with filing cabinets, each labelled with a picture and a title. I rushed towards the ponies, opened the cabinet and searched, while searching I realised I had to reorganise this place, I found facts that shouldn't belong in there such as: If you ever see a corpration in a sci-fi movie, it is always bad. Yeah, anyway while looking through the folders I noticed one. Singing. That could work! I open my eyes and am back in the bubble. "Okay, Applejack, do you ponies start singing if somebody else sings?"
"Yeah. why?"
"Because I have a plan, and it involves singing."
"How the-"
"Do you trust me?"
"No."
"Then we're going to die."
"Huh."
"Well, it was nice knowing you."
"You too sugarcube." And with those words, the bubble began to expand.
"Oh seriously?!" I shouted, the bubble was big enough for both of us to stand up in now. "Was that all it took?! Friendship bubble my ass! Twilight Frickin' knew that you only call your friends that! God dam passphrases! That trixy pony! when I get my hands on her... IT'S GONNA BE CUPCAKE MAKING TIME!" Why are you looking at me like that?" She was just standing there... staring. "Oh, right... the bubble is going to pop... you ponies DO have songs at funerals right?"
"Er... yeah. why? You planing a funeral?"
"Yeah... my own. NOW LET'S DO THIS!" I looked around at the ponies. "HEY! PONIES!" They all looked up at me. "SO! WE HUMANS, WHEN WE DIE, WE HAVE FUNERALS, NOW THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU. BECAUSE IF I DIE AND DON'T GET A FUNERAL... WELL LET'S JUST SAY THE WORLD WILL BURN WITH LIKE, METEORS AND EXPLOSIONS AND DUCKS. YEAH... DUCKS! BUT WE NEED A VERY SPECIAL SONG TO BE PLAYED. IT'S A VERY HOLY SONG. AND SINGING IT WILL GRANT YOU MAGICAL POWERS RIVALLING THAT OF CELESTIA! SO CLEAR A CIRCLE AROUND ME AND MY... PRISONER AND LET ME SING THE SONG FOR YOU. THE MAGICAL POWERS OF MAGICALNESS WILL ONLY BE GRANTED AT MY ACTUAL FUNERAL THOUGH. SO YEAH." The incredibly dumb ponies cleared a circle underneath the stupid purple prison of death just as it began to thin... and then. *POP!* And we landed on our asses. "So, you wanna hear the song?" A chorus of yeses emanated from the crowd of idiot ponies. (well, they were led by Big Macintosh, what can you expect?) And so I started singing.
Youtube Video
Now, I don't know how to sing. At all. But it worked. They were so into singing that me and Applejack managed to sneak away. Well, I say 'sneak away' I had to drag her by the tail to the train station because, as far as I could tell, she literally couldn't stop singing. Do you know what it's like dragging a pony won't stop singing through a village without looking like an idiot? Impossible. Once I got to the station she had almost finished singing and all the other ponies could not stop laughing. "Yeah, yeah. I hate you all too. Especially you Twilight, I do not like pass-phrases. In fact. I hate pass-phrases. In fact, I hate them so much that I need a baseball bat. Pinkie?"
"One baseball bat coming right up!" She reached into her hair and pulled out a baseball bat.
I took it from her and charged towards Twilight all while screaming "AALLALALALALALALLALAALLALALAALLALALALALALA!" This resulted in me blacking out, and spending a train journey in an opaque bubble, with a broken arm. She cannot take a joke.
