From the Badlands with Love
Rows of seven changelings each marched silently down the crackling black cave. The only light came from copper torches, burning dim green fires every fifty horselengths. Leading the harras was none other than Queen Chrysalis. The right half of her usually sleek black chitin was charred a dark shade of red. There was even a crack in her forehead along with a bruised eye that was swelling with a clear pus.
She trudged through the blackness until the pathway opened up into a larger chamber. The center of the cavern was clean except for two large columns in the center of the room helping to support the weight of the ceiling. Apart from the raised floor at the far side of the chamber, the floor was smooth with a few sunken areas that functioned as seats. The only torches were surrounding the elevated platform.
Chrysalis relentlessly marched across the room to the pedestal and took her position before her big speech. Her fellow changelings followed her into the room and took their seats, higher ranking officers in front and commoner changelings sat in the back of the room. Many had to stand to get a good look at their queen.
“My fellow Changelings!” Chrysalis yelled. “Today we have suffered another defeat at the hands of Princess Celestia and her faithful student…” She let loose a green glob of spit that began eating at the ground. “Twilight Sparkle,” she snarled. A loud, unanimous hissing noise filled the chamber.
“But all is not lost. Castle Black is severely damaged, but it still stands upright! With a few weeks of repairs, it will again be useable as a base of operations.” The hissing in the chamber changed to a happier round of cheerful hisses with the exception of the builder’s guild.
“The existence of our underground base is unknown to all outside this room! The ponies have not found our larva or food supplies, therefore no long term damage has been done by our enemies.” More cheers exploded from the room, even from the building class now. A few changelings in charge of the larva wiped a worried look off their face with the knowledge the next generation would be safe.
“The next batch of larva will hatch soon. We will have fresh bodies ready to tear apart the pony’s civilization!” Instead of cheering this time, some of the lead warriors started to chant “Rak!” Soon others joined in until the entire room echoed the word. Chrysalis raised her hooves to signal the end of the juvenile chanting.
“We still have a good number of ponies held captive in cocoons in the back chambers. We have enough love for another year of attacks, but this is our final attempt. We must strike back soon. Not all of our spies were driven out this time. We have several located in all the minor towns in Equestria. They have worked as a steady supply of information to us and we had already made back up plans before out latest attempt.”
“During the next Summer Sun Celebration we will position our troops throughout the crowd and replace about half of the guards. When the Princesses and Twilight are kidnapped we keep everyone who would oppose us down with our surprise advantage. With the Princesses out of the way, nopony will be left to stop us.”
“Soon we will strike again, but this time! Equestria! Will! Be! DOOMED!” The last word was snarled so harshly that some changelings looked up to check for lightning, only to remember that they’re underground. The more astute changelings managed to find some almost cracking inside Chrysalis’s eyes.
“Equestria doomed? That doesn’t sound like fun,” rang a voice several octaves too high for a changeling in the now silence of the chamber. The tension that was already tighter than an airplane’s cabin pressure only grew as every creature in the room turned to look at the source of the voice, only to see changeling black.
“Who said that?!” growled Chrysalis.
“It was me, queen meanie-scales, and I’m gonna run back to Ponyville and tell all my friends about your meanie plan.” A pink blur flew out of a changeling’s body, just a costume left on the floor as Pinkie Pie darted out the way the changelings entered.
“After her!” commanded Chrysalis and a mass of green and black rushed into the dark hallway.
“Okie Dokie, I just have to remember how to get out of here,” muttered Pinkie as she ran along in darkness. “Left, right, left, right… Or was that left, right, right, left… or was I supposed to go up at one point?” She tripped on a rock jutting out of the ground and stumbled into a tall pit head first. “Well, I certainly don’t remember this being here.” She reached back into thin air to grab a bundle of balloons. “But now I’m falling too slowly.” She reached back again and pulled out her thank-you-letter-opener and cut the closest ten balloon lines that began flying upwards back at the changelings.
She squeezed her core muscles, raised her head, and landed safely on her hooves. After detaching the rest of her balloons she took out her party cannon and launched confetti straight upwards. She aimed the cannon at the wall and mounted it before firing it again to propel herself along the corridor. The changelings’ vision was obscured by the floating balloons, so they could not see more projectiles heading their way. “Grrrakka!” A few changelings got confetti in their eyes and lost their course as they flew down the hill headfirst. The unlucky ones busted their skulls on the side of the hole. The lucky ones fell the rest of the way and crashed their legs into the ground, breaking them. By the time any could see properly, Pinkie was already a quarter mile away.
A few of the smarter changelings decided they would have to cut her off. This was rather hard, but the horde was big enough to scatter around the entire network of the hive. A group of three changelings were lucky enough to hear Pinkie running down the corridor in their direction. They prepared to lunge, but as they snapped forward they clamped only air in their jaws. Amazed, they whipped around to find Pinkie Pie running along the ceiling. “Ha ha ha ha ha. You will never take me alive!” Pinkie circled down to the floor and continued running. However, she was forced to skid to a halt when she found out there was no other passage to take.
“We have you now!” hissed the leader of the changeling trio which had entered the small chamber. She inched forward menacingly. Pinkie backed up against the wall, holding her breath to make herself farther away from the monster. Every inch could count. Not likely, but possible. The changeling laid out a hoof upon Pinkie’s flattened stomach. “Tag!” cried out a high pitched voice. “You’re it.” With that, another Pinkie hopped out of a changeling suit and raced back out the hallway with the first Pinkie hot on her heels.
“Hrrangz?” said one of the remaining changelings, obviously dumbstruck.
The other changeling simply took off the head of her changeling costume. “I’m sorry blue-eyes, but I can’t speak Griffon.” She started to chase the other two Pinkie Pies.
The real Pinkie Pie was elsewhere in the caverns still in disguise, searching for the pony storage chamber. In her quest she found a cave full of bats and a cavern with elderly changelings playing Bingo, but she knew she was close by when she found the larva den. A few minutes later, she entered the pony chamber.
Glancing from side to side, Pinkie found that the room was in the ideal state of desertedness. She took off her disguise to reveal a red wristband around her front right leg to signify she was the real Pinkie. She approached the nearest of the fifty green sacks hanging from the ceiling, pulled out a pair of child scissors (hey, safety first!), and sliced through the top of the sack, letting it fall to the ground.
A dazed, caramel coated earth pony colt with a light blue mane opened his eyes. “Wha! Where am I!” exclaimed a disgruntled voice of the stallion.
“You were kidnapped by Changelings and I’m here to rescue you. What’s your name?”
“Taffy Cube,” he said.
“I’m Pinkie Pie, nice to meet you!” She stuck a hoof out to help him to his feet.
“Miss Pinkie, do you know what happened to my mother, Berry Swirl?” he asked.
“I’m sorry Taffy, but I don’t know her.”
“Does that mean…”
“No, silly. I Pinkie Promise to help you find your mother once we get out of here, and in the meantime I’ll be your friend,” interrupted Pinkie.
“Really?”
“Yes. Now give me a hug.” The two ponies embraced for twenty seconds before Pinkie was back to business. “Guard the door, I’ve got work to do.” At this Pinkie rubbed some black mud on her face as war paint and charged into the cocoons of ponies, setting them free as she went along.
About twenty minutes later all the ponies were free and no changelings had entered the room yet. At one point another Pinkie had arrived and was almost jumped by the mob of freed ponies, but she scurried away while the refugees were in midair.
“Alright ponies!” the real Pinkie called. “Let’s charge.” With that a stampede of ponies began as Pinkie Pie led them out of the caverns. More than a few changelings saw them, but any that attempted to stop them were too weary from the battle a few days prior. Any group of Pinkie Pies that saw the stampede joined. By the time they reached the main chamber the group contained about eighty ponies.
“Halt!” Queen Chrysalis was blocking the pathway that led to the surface. “I will not let you leave with our food source!”
“Yeah, well I won’t let you eat my friends!”
Queen Chrysalis sucked in air through her scowl and started charging a green energy blast to hit the cluster of ponies. At the last moment possible, the thirty Pinkie Pies in the group yanked their party cannons out of Pinkie Space and fired at the energy beam. The impact sent what remained of the beam into the nearby walls. The black rock scorched itself and glistened in the dim lighting.
Smoldering remains of confetti and extra crispy balloons fell to the ground as Pinkie raised her hoof to her hair and clamped out the corner of her mane that had started burning. She looked back up at Chrysalis and began to stare her down. Eyes locked, Pinkie took a few defensive steps forwards and Chrysalis began to charge up another blast but fell over as it neared fruition.
“Don’t,” Chrysalis croaked. “If you take them, we’ll all die. It’s not right, but it’s what we do. We need pony love for survival. Please don’t take them from us…” Pinkie continued to step forwards, then strained her neck down so her face was almost touching Chrysalis’s.
“Aww, Chryssi, don’t be so glum. It sounds like all you need is a good party.”
“What do you mean?” asked Chrysalis with all sense of malice and instability dropped from her voice and was replaced by confusion.
“Watch and learn. Pinkie Party squad activate! Let’s make this the BEST PARTY EVER!”
No more than ten minutes later the room was covered in tables, chairs, a citrus mushroom punch, confetti, confused changelings in party hats, and of course Pinkie Pies who were running around having a good time.
“This is fine and all,” said the real Pinkie, “but it would be sooo much cooler if Twilight were around to enjoy this.” She reached back into Pinkie space and pulled out Twilight Sparkle, who was soaking wet and had half lathered shampoo in her hair.
“Wai, What, Pinkie!” she yelled.
“Bad time?” sheepishly asked Pinkie. Twilight raised her eyebrows and Pinkie sent her back home to finish cleansing herself. “That’s okay,” said Pinkie, “because we have the band here.” Her neck twisted around to the neverending stream of Pinkie Pies that were bouncing around the room. “Pinkie Band Squad activate!”
Every pink, able-bodied pony in the room ran to the biggest empty space in it and began pulling various instruments from pinkie space. Violins, timpani, saxophones, accordions, tambourines, kazoos. Every instrument imaginable was in the hooves of a Pinkie Pie.
“And a 1, and a 2, and now say cheese!” The band began to blast their rendition of the Smile Song much to everypony's enjoyment. When the second verse began the real Pinkie stopped conducting the orchestra and ran over to Chrysalis who was swaying her tail to the rhythm of the song. “Mind if I take this dance?” asked Pinkie.
Chrysalis wasn’t given time to answer before her front hooves and Pinkie’s locked together. They swayed to the right, then to the left. Precision footsteps were made as the two began to playfully circle each other as if they were getting ready to fight, then Chrysalis raised her right leg and Pinkie twirled under it. Both of them fell over laughing hysterically.
“Wow!” Pinkie Pie dragged herself out of a tunnel entrance and plopped over backwards on a nearby rock, resting her head on the brown soil. “THAT WAS *gasp* THE BEST *gasp* PARTY *gasp* EVER!” she exclaimed.
Another Pinkie Pie jumped out of the hole next to her. “You say that about every party.”
“That’s because I always mean it!”
The Pinkie clone hopped away through the ravine. More clones and freed captives left the hive; among them was Chrysalis who sat down and leaned back on Pinkie. She gazed upwards at the gleaming cliffs hanging above her. The valley was only ever illuminated by the moon on the weeks around the Winter solstice.
After the stream of Pinkie Pies subsided, Chrysalis worked up the breath to speak. “I never asked. Where did the clones come from?”
“Well,” replied Pinkie, “after your last attack we figured you would be coming back so Twilight thought that making clones would be a good way to spy on your caves and rescue captives. You know, they didn’t bother me too much this time ‘round unlike the last time…” Pinkie look at her leg with the red band on it.
“It’s probably a good thing Twilight will destroy them all once we get back to Ponyville.”
Chrysalis closed her eyes. “You know, I think you’ve changed us Pinkie.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. I feel more full than I’ve been in ages. These parties… they build more temporary love and emotion than dreams of the ponies held in cocoons.”
“You were turning those ponies into butterponies?” asked Pinkie who bolted up. “You mean like they would all have purple wings and be able to hover around Ponyville and pollinate flowers and stuff! That would be so cool! Do it to me!”
“Pinkie,” Chrysalis snortled. “Not that type of cocoon.”
“Oh.” After a brief moment of silence the two looked at each other and burst out laughing. Pinkie even fell off her rock.
Once Pinkie could stop laughing she stood up with Chrysalis following. “I need to be going home now. After all, It’s Noteworthy’s birthday tomorrow and I’m not just going to leave him hanging.”
“Yes, go.” The two embraced. “I’ll come visit sometime. Us changelings are going to become a nomadic tribe of party throwers.” The two let go and Pinkie said her farewells, then bounced away, up the ravine, and out of Chrysalis’s sight.
