Atticus Goes Ham

by Nortes Unlimited

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 661

Atticus goes ham...literally.

Atticus goes ham…literally.

Atticus Omundson, a pony YouTuber who loves to do commentaries, finds himself stuck with a bunch of other ponies who slowly began to piss him off. What happens next…is all a meatstery.

(This will actually be in the MLP universe, don't sue me, thanks!)

Atticus Omundson: https://www.youtube.com/user/LAPlayOnStream

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-10 23:55:16 UTC

The Call

Atticus trotted into the room. All of his friends were already there, sitting around and talking to each other. LaDix, Pip, Afro, Kyle, Insane Clown Ponies, Master Neutral, Aries, and Biggun looked like they were in a big conversation, where they were laughing and having fun.

Atticus didn't say anything, and stayed silent so that he could hear what the others were saying. He began to smile as he listened to his friends, waiting for the chance to butt in. That time came soon enough, but it wasn't the way he wanted to butt in.

"You know who is awesome? Horseler." Pip said. Atticus perked his ears as he continued to listen.

"Yeah, well, buck you." Biggun said, glaring at Pip.

Atticus stepped in, but he was struggling to form a setence. "So, so...uh...ha-ha-"

Aries looked at them, cutting Atticus off. "Horseler wasn't that bad." She said.

Atticus continued trying to speak. "Ha-ha-ha-ha-has anyone...has anyone..."

Afro snapped out of his daydream. "Sorry, what?"

"Let's agree that Stallion was way worse, but Horseler was still a dick." Neutral stepped in.

"Yeah." Kyle agreed.

"Yeah, don't act like Hitler was just innocent." Afro added.

Aries stood up. "No, but the thing is, he was a genius. That's the thing." She defended.

Everybody began to argue with each other, to the point where not a single voice could be heard of the other. Things were getting heated. Atticus watched them, slowly building anger. He narrowed his eyes and spoke up.

"Okay, okay!" He exclaimed. Everybody else fell silent. "Who here has read Mein Kampf?"

Neutral looked around. "Who's talking?"

Atticus stomped his hoof and stepped in the middle of the room. "Me!"

"I have read the entire autobiography of the nutjob!" Atticus stated, raising his head as he felt inner pride.

Afro chuckled. "Why? Are you a neighzi, Atticus?" He asked with an evil grin. Atticus shot a side glare at him, but didn't say anything.

"That pony..." Atticus began. "He was that bad." He turned to Aries. "He was a genius, but he does not deserve to be called 'not that bad'."

Aries crossed her hooves. "No!" She pointed a finger at him in anger. "No!"

"He used his genius to commit genocide." Atticus stated. "He killed millions of griffons!"

As Atticus went on with his rant, others began to speak up to the point where nobody could hear a distinct voice. The only thing that could be made out was Afro shouting above the crowd. "Preach it, Atticus! Preach it!" He said, getting on his hind hooves.

Soon enough, everybody quieted down. All but Atticus, who continued with his rant.

"He killed 6 million griffons, who then..." Atticus looked around, trying to figure out where he was going with that. "And because of that...the entire griffon population was then forced to immigrate from their home countries, and had either had their griffon cubs taken, and stripped and sold-"

At this point, everybody in the room began laughing and talking over each other, while Atticus continued on his rant.

"But now, the holocolt deniers are saying that the holocolt didn't happen." Atticus said. "You guys are just defending the evil. Just, shut up!"

Pip stepped back into the conversation. "Now, Atticus. I have a question." He cleared his throat and trotted up to Atticus. "What part of what you said was bad?"

The entire room fell silent. Just in time to hear the crackling sound of the most obnoxious laugh in Equestria. More obnoxious than Pinkie Pie's snorting chuckles.

It was the sound of Kyle's dolphin laugh.

It lasted about 15 minutes, and it was pure torture to the other's ears. They have no clue how they even survived that long without giving up and leaving the room.

When Kyle finally settled down, Atticus trotted towards the door. "I'm done. I'm out."

"No, Atticus! Don't go!" Afro shouted. Alas, Atticus trotted out the door and slammed it shut behind him.