An Average Day In Equestria

by Not quite real

First published January 27th, 2015 19:40

Luna and (most) of the Mane Six have a very average day.

Note: This is a crackfic and one-shot, do NOT expect anything rational from it.

I may add another chapter if people like this.

Chapters

The Only Chapter

The Only Chapter
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An Average Day In Equestria

The Only Chapter

Author's Note

Inspired by works of beauty in Garry's Mod.

Make sure to listen to Rabbids Go Home - Bãtutã din Moldova:

it's the perfect song for the situation.

The Only Chapter

Luna woke up. The moment her eyes opened, she abruptly floated out of bed, and smashed through the door of her bedchamber by flying sideways at a rather alarming speed. Luna smashed through the walls of one kitchen and the skull of a cookpony, grabbing a pot of crabs as she zipped past and through another wall. Luna stopped in the throne room, where Celestia was headbanging to dubstep and smashing her head on the comatose body of a random Royal Guardspony. Luna jerked her hoof towards Celestia, flinging the crab pot, all while still sideways and floating. The pot hit the Royal Guardspony and caused multiple head injuries, while the crabs grabbed Celestia’s MP3 and made off with it. Celestia proceeded to fling the Royal Guardspony through the door of the throne room, where he fell off of a cliff materializing from nowhere and fell into a shallow pond, incinerating him in a moment’s time.

Luna turned to face Celestia while floating upside down.

“Have you completed the Doom Toaster yet?” she screamed at the top of her lungs while keeping a completely level face.

“It has been eaten by Pinkamena Diane All-Devouring-High-Explosive-Cake-Is-Frosting Pie.” Celestia responded in the RCV*, still headbanging although the crabs had stolen her Dubstep. Celestia promptly got out of her throne and suddenly compressed as if an invisible giant was crushing her in its hand. The compressed princess was swallowed by a bright light, and when it vanished a bucket lay where she was. Luna stared down the bucket with an idiotic expression and elected to stick her head inside.

*Retarded Canterlot Voice

MEANWHILE AT PINKIE’S HOUSE

Luna’s head emerged from a hole under Pinkie’s bed. She promptly crawled out of said hole despite it being smaller than one of her eyes alone, and emerged from under Pinkie’s bed. She promptly dragged herself along the floor until she entered the kitchen to see Pinkie sitting in a pie pan with dough on the door of her oven.

“Hi, Luna! I ate the Doom Toaster! Bye!” she happily said, as the pie pan went into the oven and the door shut. Twenty seconds later an overly large cupcake popped out.

“I’m a cupcake!” Pinkie squealed. Luna shoveled it into her mouth. She chewed for a moment, considering the taste of the exquisite cupcake.

“Tastes like orphans.” Luna proclaimed. She crashed through Pinkie’s house’s ceiling and stared down at the humble abode.

“LEGS.” Luna stated to nobody in particular as she cast a spell. A bright flash, and Pinkie’s house was an average pumpkin with the exception of the fact that it was wearing a top hat.

“Go away you bloody twit.” the pumpkin angrily ordered, and Luna was happy to oblige, as she made her way toward Ponyville by sliding across the ground with no apparent means of propulsion.

MEANWHILE IN CLOUDSDALE

Rainbow Dash was stuck inside her home’s chimney. She stared down into the fireplace she had inexplicably bought and smiled.

“I can see Santa from here!” she innocently mumbled as she looked down on the logs in the fireplace. One of the logs was actually just Scootaloo smooshed into the back of the fireplace among real logs. Scootaloo looked up at Dash and pleaded to be let go, but Dash only stared back and made a noise not dissimilar to what a duck makes when it is run over by an industrial forklift. Suddenly, Scootaloo caught fire. As the logs and a now-screaming Scootaloo burned, Rainbow Dash frowned.

“Diet.” Suddenly she was extremely skinny, enough to fall down the chimney and into the fire. As her house burned down, bits of flaming cloud landed on other houses, and soon Cloudsdale was on fire. Without further ado, the clouds started raining fire and soon several towns across Equestria were burning too. Dash only stupidly smiled as she burned in her completely useless fireplace.

MEANWHILE IN TWILIGHT’S TREEHOUSE

Twilight was reading books about the best ways to murder dragons when Spike entered the room. Twilight shoved the book into her mouth and swallowed just as Spike was about to ask what she was reading.

“Wh-wha?” Spike inquired, shocked at the fact that the purple unicorn had just deep-throated a four-inch-thick book. Suddenly Twilight puked out a rocket launcher and pointed it at the floor. Both Spike and Twilight screamed, one of horror and other of insane stupidity, as the tree house exploded. Where it stood, there lay one word etched in dirt:

FARM.

MEANWHILE AT SWEET APPLE ACRES FARM

Applejack lay at the foot of an orange tree in the middle of her apple orchard, head stuck into the ground and body pointing into the air. She suddenly ripped her head out of the ground and stared at the orange tree with unparalleled intensity. Her mouth opened, and slowly the vortex of air sucked into it pulled the entire orange tree in. Applejack’s head promptly popped off and was absorbed by her stetson hat.

“FREEDOM!” it squealed and promptly slid away, only to be grabbed by Granny Smith, who neatly folded it and placed it on the nearby Big Macintosh, who was similarly absorbed by the hat. With all the matter it had absorbed, the stetson was now 50 feet tall. Granny Smith jerked into the air and floated on top of the hat, and laughed maniacally as the giant, evil stetson slid toward Ponyville at breakneck speed.

MEANWHILE AT PONYVILLE

Luna finally arrived in Ponyville and grabbed a random stallion who had been running a pottery shop.

“GLUE.” she squealed, and in that instant the stallion was glue. She grabbed the giant glue tube and set about to gathering the inhabitants of Ponyville and gluing them into a massive ball of ponies, which was collapsing under its own weight. Frowning at the laws of physics getting in her way, she decided to take the bucket that was once Celestia and eat it whole. At this final abuse of the laws of physics, they quit, and the ball instantly straightened out.

Luna smiled, although the drool on her mouth suggested it was out of stupidity. Luna errantly squeaked, and instantly the ball of terrified ponies became a 49 foot tall stetson hat painted bright purple. Luna stopped as she was climbing aboard though- she hadn’t eaten all day! To remedy this she quickly ate an orphan lying inside his house’s toilet. As Luna started up her stetson, she saw a blob on the horizon. Luna promptly picked up the stetson and started running toward the blob with it.

The blob was soon close enough to be clearly identified Granny Smith’s stetson, and Luna couldn’t stand the thought that someone else having a taller stetson than hers! Luna climbed aboard hers and quickly started it up, barely dodging a vicious ram from Granny’s stetson. Luna countered by ramming Granny, who was sent spinning backwards into a random swimming pool in the grasslands outside Ponyville. The swimming pool incinerated Granny instantly, and Luna celebrated by stealing her stetson. Suddenly Luna felt tired, as if she had spent all day doing idiotic things, which was actually what she had been doing. Luna drove the stetson home to Canterlot Castle, disposed of it by force-feeding all 50 feet to a Royal Guardspony, and put herself to bed.

The End