Luna Just Learned About The Play "A Hearth's Warming Carol"

by Singularity Dream

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 3441

A tale of miserable miser Princess Celestia and her transformation into a kind and caring benefactor after visits on one Christmas Eve from the Spirits of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come.

A tale of miserable miser Princess Celestia and her transformation into a kind and caring benefactor after visits on one Christmas Eve from the Spirits of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet to Come.

More accurately: After an incredibly busy day, the kind and benevolent Princess Celestia just wants to sleep. Apparently, mysterious (and utterly unknowable) cosmic forces (spooky!) are going to visit her with visions regardless.

(Come inside and witness the literary butchery I visit upon a timeless classic. Hopefully the jokes will make you laugh at least once so I can use the distraction to escape.)

Published 2015-01-11 04:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-11 04:10:01 UTC

Chapter 1: Spooky Ghost

Princess Celestia closed her bedroom door after thanking the guards on duty standing watch just outside. The glow around her horn flickered before vanishing. She let the tiredness of the day sink into her. Her regalia she removed by hoof instead of magic, the gold adornments left on the floor instead of placed properly where it was supposed to go. She reminded herself to pick it up in the morning before any of the castle staff saw the clutter. They got so worked up if the royal accoutrements weren't treated with the utmost respect.

Here in the privacy of her bedchambers, after the sun was put to rest, the day felt so much longer than it could possibly have been. All the diplomatic visits and official holiday appearances. Everypony, neigh, everybeing wanted to spend at least a moment in her presence on holiday. All believing the superstition that speaking to Princess Celestia on the winter holiday would bring blessings in the next summer. It had stopped being flattering several few centuries ago.

She had enjoyed the yearly Canterlot pageant more than usual this year. Her faithful student was so adorable as Clover the Clever and all six of her friends had done their parts wonderfully as well. As always, it amused her how the depiction of the six founders continued to drift over the centuries.

Now the day was over. Her sister could handle anything that came up. It was time for Celestia to enjoy the restful sleep of a long winter night, a luxury that added even more thankful thoughts about her sister's return.

*clank*

As the one in charge of the beginning and end of each day, Princess Celestia had a near perfect sense of time.

*clank*

So she knew that it had only been ten minutes between resting her head on her favorite comfy pillow and when she started hearing what sounded like the clank of chains above her.

*clank clank*

Her efforts to ignore it only prompted the sound to increase, almost sounding impatient. Princess Celestia sighed before opening her eyes to see what foolishness was going on. She was stunned into speechlessness by the eerie sight that greeted her.

A pale white figure wrapped in clanking chains floated above Celestia's bed. The pony-like apparition was a lifeless lack of color that no living pony's coat could match. The figure glowed with a dark aura of spectral light as she hovered. The ghost was that of an earth pony, so it could not be using magic or wings to float like that.

"I am the ghost of your last personal secretary," the totally spooky ghost spoke in a low voice. A low voice both obviously repeating lines from a script and just as obviously trying to apologize with its tone. "You will be visited tonight by three spirits to show you the errors of your selfish life."

"Hope you had a good Hearth's Warming Eve, Miss Sunshine. I trust you are enjoying your retirement?" Princess Celestia was confused, but that was no reason to be rude to a close friend.

"I'm keeping busy, your highness," the ghost replied automatically. Then her glowing aura shook her.

"Stick to your lines," whispered absolutely nopony perfectly concealed behind an invisibility spell.

The white ghost sighed and perfunctorily shook her forelegs to make her chains clank again. Each movement seemed to scatter ethereal dust from her mane, coat, and tail. To the casual observer it might possibly look like flour used to recolor a pony's appearance.

"I'm a warning to you that if you do not mend your selfish ways, you will end up a wandering ghost like me. Weighed down by chains of duty and regret."

Then the ghost floated backward, stopped, then turned in place as casually as possible before continuing. All with a tired look on her face.

"I'll see you next week for tea," Princess Celestia called out just before the very spooky ghost was covered in darkness and disappeared.

The sound of the bedroom door opening and closing in the deep darkness was just Princess Celestia's ears playing tricks on her. No doubt the stress of such a frightening experience had unnerved her. Very spooky ghosts do not need to use a door to leave, after all.

Chapter 2: The First Mysterious Spirit

The clock Celestia didn't know she had ticked in the darkness. It seemed like she spent hours waiting and dreading the promised apparition, even though only a few minutes had truly passed. The silence of the room was ended by an unseen presence.

"I am the spirit of Hearth's Warming Eves past," a completely unfamiliar voice spoke to Princess Celestia. A moment later a unearthly spirit appeared from the darkness.

It could not be any mortal being. Loose cloth of some unnatural material shrouded its exact form, but what few details could be determined showed it was no creature of this world. The sides of its shroud billowed even with no wind present. Its head towered over any normal pony and came to a sharp point at the very top. It moved towards the bed with supernatural grace no mortal pony could match.

Princess Celestia tried to plead with the unknowable forces of the great beyond. "Luna, I know you want to play but I had a really long day and--"

"Silence!" the very mysterious spirit commanded with a voice used to shouting royal orders. One shrouded leg lifted in proclamation. "Your wealth and power have blinded you to the true joy of this sacred holiday. I have come to show you a vision of the past, to remind you of what happened to those who didn't understand what you have forgotten."

Princess Celestia and the impossible to identify spirit were engulfed in darkness. Celestia let out sound that could possibly be mistaken for a sigh, but obviously must have been a gasp of terror at being taken from the world she knew to the distant past.

"See what happens when the leaders of ponies forget the joy of harmony," the clever and mysterious spirit whispered as a window opened in the darkness to show three mares sitting around a heavy table. A pegasus in ancient armor, an earth pony in hoof-stitched clothes, and a unicorn in crown and fur cape. "This was back when you were enjoying the simple pleasures of long nights with your sister, instead of ruling as these ponies did, as you do now."

The three ponies below were arguing loudly when first seen, then fell into silence to glare at each other across the table. All three were familiar to Princess Celestia, as she is the patron of many alternative theaters in Canterlot, and all three were actors at one of the few places that would be putting on a pageant this late tonight.

"Luna, do you know what the term ‘avant-garde’ means?" Princess Celestia asked in a very casual voice.

"The spirits know all," was the only reply to occur before the scene below changed dramatically.

The pegasus jumped onto the table with an electric guitar, he stood expertly on his hind legs (using his wings to help maintain his balance) and dove into a blazing heavy metal guitar solo that represented the pegasi independence and determination to never surrender. Princess Celestia could almost hear the spirit beside her blink at the unexpected sight, and a second blink when the ponies representing the windigos came out to tapdance in a circle around the table. The other two ponies that had been at the table were nowhere to be seen.

"Oh yes, the memories are coming back to me." Celestia draped a foreleg across her forehead dramatically. "Those simple days of my youth. When the nights were full of happiness. Happiness and kazoos."

"Wait, what? Kazoos?" The calm and collected spirit sputtered.

Any further speech was drowned out by the tidal wave of sound from dozens of kazoos. The earth pony chancellor marched back onto the stage leading the earth pony chorus in a stirring buzzing rebuttal to proclaim earth pony resilience and honor.

Knowing her time was at an end, and assured that Princess Celestia had learned the intended lesson, the spirit pulled the darkness around them both to return Princess Celestia to her own time. Both of them got only a glimpse of the smoke, lasers, and disco ball of Princess Platinum's entrance.

"Two more spirits will visit you before the night is done," a totally spooky voice spoke when Princess Celestia found herself alone in her bedroom once more. She had no way of knowing the voice, so the tone of annoyance in it must have been her imagination.

"We should have stayed longer," Celestia said with a smirk. "I'm not sure I learned my lesson yet. They hadn't gotten to the silent interpretive dance of Pansy, Clover, and Cookie lamenting their ruler’s mistakes."

A low sound, which some poor unbalanced psyche might think was an angry grumble, filled the air. As the spirit had already vanished into the mysterious cosmic emptiness from which it came.

Chapter 4: The Third Completely Different, Mysterious, and Very Scary Spirit

Celestia grumbled briefly as she righted herself to sit upright in her bed, then her whole body shook slightly. Her trembling could only be fear, for she knew one more terrifying spirit would be visiting her before the night ended. Yes, fear, and the hoof raised to her muzzle was certainly not there to suppress giggles.

Before her fragile mental state broke down completely, the third spirit appeared in mid air...

"I can see your hooves under the sheet," Celestia commented.

The third and last spirit, silent as the grave, landed on the floor at the foot of the bed as it had planned to do all along. A shrouded leg gestured for Celestia to follow, before the figure slowly turned to walk towards the door. Celestia considered the situation for only a moment, before getting up to accompany the impossible and unknown spirit that was completely different from the first two spirits that had visited her.

Out in the hall, the guards were huddled together to the right of the door. They were holding note cards in a hoof and their lips were moving as if trying to memorize something. As Celestia emerged from her bedroom they looked away, obviously unaware of her presence as if she were merely a spectral observer of events not yet come to pass.

"It finally happened," the first guard read off his note card. "Who will the kingdom pass to now that the Princess is gone?"

The second guard had done better and only needed to glance as his notecard. "I don’t know, but surely our luck isn't so bad to get... Hold on, doesn't Equestria have a very clear line of succession?"

The first guard glanced over at the Princess while trying to shush his companion with sharp hoof motions.

"Uh, right!" The second guard returned his attention to the note card in his hoof. "Surely our luck isn't so bad as to get a successor as strict as the Princess was."

Both guards looked apologetically at Celestia. The spooky third spirit pointed out a nearby window with a shroud covered hoof.

"Are you sure, spirit?" Celestia continued to suppress the certainly-not-a-giggle terror that shook her whole body. "I think I see some of the palace cleaning staff at the end of the hallway practicing their lines for when we--"

The spirit moved to block Celestia's view of the hallway and pointed firmly at the window. Celestia rolled her eyes and spread her wings to take flight. The mysterious third spirit followed with the sides of its ethereal shroud billowing as if moved by unseen forces.

Celestia was led over the dark city. Any sounds of merriment heard over what was certainly not a muffling spell was of course only her hopeful imagination. The nameless and formless spirit brought her to an overgrown glade. It obviously was long abandoned and away from sight and memory of the citizens of nearby Canterlot.

In the middle of the clearing was a single plain grey slab of stone sticking out of the ground. The clever, unknown, and spooky third spirit pointed at the stone dramatically. If it had been a living creature with wings, the raised sides of the shroud would have been those wings flaring up dramatically before quickly snapping shut. Since this was a nameless messenger from the beyond, it must have been an unfelt gust of ethereal cosmic energies.

Celestia's curiosity got the better of her. She landed and walked over to look at that ominous stone. It was a plain gravestone with her name carved on it. The sight of it caused Celestia to lose her composure. She fell down as spasms of intense emotion overcame her.

Her howls of laughter could be heard all across the mountain. The ponies of Canterlot were cheered up and took comfort in their Princess's good humor on the cold holiday night. The stoic and mysterious spirit stomped a hoof and might have been pouting under her shroud.

"Ahem, sorry." Celestia pulled herself together. She wiped the tears from her eyes and turned to the ominous and foreboding spirit. "Is this the future that will be? Or is it merely a future that might be? Because having a plain unadorned headstone would be wonderful."

The unknown spirit just sighed and sat down on the ground and pouted. Princess Celestia sat down next to her and gave the spirit a warm hug.

Chapter 5: -Fin-

"How did you figure out it was me, sister?"

"Well, the tip of your horn had poked a hole in the sheet and about an inch of it was showing. You used your own sheets, which have your name and the phases of the moon repeating along the edges. But mostly? Our manes are ethereal energy, which isn't blocked by thin silk. I could see your mane and tail the whole time."

"Oh drat." Princess Luna took off her amazing spirit disguise. "I knew I should have used one of your sheets. Your name and the suns would have confused you into believing it was yourself!"

"I don't think that would have..." Celestia paused in thought. "Okay, that might have worked. I'm thinking about teaching Twilight time travel magic soon."

"What about my perfect plan to throw you off the scent with that perfect doppelganger in my room?"

"You mean that's what Cadance was doing in your bedroom with the lights out and speaking in that atrocious caricature of a bat pony accent? She tripped over something in the dark. In the dark!" Celestia paused to think about it all. "However, she did attempt to disguise her voice without needing somepony to point it out. So I have to say it was the best part of your entire plan, sister."

The two sat in comfortable silence for a few countless minutes.

"You want a plain headstone to mark your passing?" Luna relaxed by her sister's side, their wings draped over each other. "We are doomed to have elaborate monuments for our resting places, dear sister."

"I know. Their ambitions have only gotten worse while you were gone." Celestia rested her head against Luna's neck and closed her eyes. "They keep trying to build a monument for me in secret since I said I don't want one. The last attempt managed to last eight months before I found out about it. They hadn't even finished clearing and leveling out the ground at that point."

"Did you find plans for what they intended to build?" Luna's wing gave her sister a warm squeeze.

"They were planning on building a gleaming gold pyramid the size of this entire mountain with a statue of me on it the size of Canterlot."

"That does seem excessive." Luna shifted position slightly so she could nuzzle her sister's cheek. "Even the ancient crystal architects did not dream so big."

"Thank you for all of this, dear sister." Celestia nuzzled back. "It might not have gone as you wanted, but it was just what I needed."

"If you are feeling better, that's the most important thing. The rest, well, I will take it as a lesson to spend more than a half-hour to prepare a prank. Should we go back to the palace now?"

"Not yet. There's another play you should know about. It's called A Hearth's Warming Eve Story. I'm sure Ponyville won't mind helping us have a bit of fun with Twilight Sparkle tomorrow."

Both princesses giggled. They would enjoy spreading the fun, but later. For now it was wonderful to finally spend a Hearth's Warming Eve with family once again.

Chapter 3: A Completely Different Unknown Mysterious Spirit

Instead of waiting, this time Celestia got out of bed and headed down the palace corridors in a futile attempt to prove some understandable mortal cause of her troubles. She went directly to her sister’s bedroom and knocked on the door, probably waking her poor sister up. After the knock she opened the door to her sister’s unlit bedchamber.

“Luna, this is amusing, but I think it should--” Celestia paused her train of thought as she looked into the room.

Celestia had only average night vision. She didn't have the perfect sight in darkness her sister, Princess of the Night, did. Her eyes could still, however, make out broad shades in the mostly dark room. Such as, to pick a completely random example, telling the difference between a alicorn with a black coat and one with a bright pink one.

"Velcome, mine dearest sister. Vhat brings thou to mine bedchambers this late into mine glorious night?" The figure rose from the bed and gracefully moved towards the open door. Until one of her legs whacked into a heavy chest. Then the figure stumbled gracefully and muttered impolite words under her breath.

Princess Celestia honestly had no idea how to respond to that. So she backed up until she was in the hallway and closed the door to her sister's bedroom.

"I am the spirit of Hearth's Warming Eve present. Ooooo~"

"Luna, you aren't even using a different voice for each spirit."

"I've come to show you how your selfishness affects your subjects," the impossible to identify spirit said in the bad Trottingham accent it had been using the entire time. Honest. “How little they have when you enjoy your palace and servants.”

"Oooo~ Witness this vision of other ponies enjoying the holiday without your wealth or power."

As the unknown spirit spoke, the darkness of the night flowed all around Celestia, sweeping her away from the hallway outside of her sister’s room via unexplainable cosmic forces. She found herself floating over a small town, one of many in Equestria, all of them more or less the same. A random town indistinguishable from any of the--

"You teleported us. That's Ponyville." Celestia, of course, knew exactly which town it was.

"Look how your subjects enjoy the holiday with only the barest necessities of survival." The mysterious and very clever unknown spirit pointed at a unicorn trotting along in the village below.

"You mean Rarity, a small business owner who regularly has nobility for clients?"

"O-of course not! See the lonely pegasus who lives all alone..."

"Oh yes, Rainbow Dash. Weather team leader, award winning flier, and the subject of devoted admiration from at least five fan clubs across Equestria and the buffalo lands."

"Grr, witness a poor student separated from her family," The spirit, perfectly composed and calm and unknown.

"Ah, yes, Twilight Sparkle. Protege to the ruler of the kingdom, once the third most powerful unicorn alive, and now the fourth alicorn princess in all the world. Look, she's headed to her immense crystal castle that looms over the town--"

"Fine! We must return, for a spirit's time is short."

"Look! There is Applejack, the poor farmer whose apples are sold in every city in the kingdom. Looks like her happy and well-fed family are coming into town to spend the holiday with their close personal friend, the recently ascended alicorn princess!" Celesta exclaimed gleefully as she pointed with one hoof.

She found herself wrapped in darkness and deposited back to her bed, face first.

"One more spirit will visit you this night," a voice from nowhere said. It was a sign of Princess Celestia's harrowing experiences that she imagined hearing some pony sticking out their tongue and blowing a raspberry at her. The unknown spirit, of course, had already vanished as mysteriously as it had appeared.