Author's Note

Yup... A TF2 fic..... sue me

"I am Heavy Weapons Guy"

It was a beautiful night in the city of Canterlot, mostly thanks to the princess of the night, Luna. Strangely, the princess of the day, Celestia, was still up at this hour, along with a few other subjects. Celestia's pupil, Twilight Sparkle, was sitting with her friends, or the elements of harmony. Their names are AppleJack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity. Also with them was Celestia's sister Luna and Princess Cadence, the princess of love and Celestia'a niece. Right next to her was Gleaming Shield, Twilight's big sister and Cadence's wife.

"Sister, are you sure this is a good idea?" Luna asked with uncertainty in her voice.

"Yes sister, with all our combined magic and time, we can end the possibility of Equestria being destroyed by mother nature." Celetia said with a calm tone,

"Princess... if I may interject." Twilight said.

"Go on Twilight." Celestia said as everypony drew their attention to her.

"W-Well, I understand that this spell will take a lot of time for its effects to work, but I have to ask, what do we need protection from?" asked Twilght as her friends nodded in agreement. Princess Celestia took a moment to breath and prepare her "team" for what they are facing.

"The Changelings." as she said this, everyone gave grave looks, mostly Cadence and Gleaming Shield.

"So why can't we bring guards to fend them off if they do anything?" asked Rainbow dash as she folded her blue coated arms.

"I agree with RD, my guards are more than capable of taking them." Gleaming Shield protested, but calmed down when her wife puts a reassuring palm on her shoulders.

"While I understand that, the Changelings are much more determined to make sure this spell doesn't go uninterrupted. Therefore, I have asked help from a different source." Celestia said as clapping could be heard from behind her.

"I couldn't say it any better princess." everypony turned to see a strange creature unlike anypony they have ever seen. It had no fur except for on its head and upper lips. It wore a red suit and had a masculine voice. "Now before I get attacked, I am nothing more but a simple advertiser for my company. I believe that we can help you out if you let us." the man said with a sneer.

"Sister... who is this?" Luna asked her sister with a confused expression.

"This man is a human, we've been discussing ever since this issue's been around. Mr. Freeman says he has a team that could protect us from the outside of a castle I've arranged for the spell." Celestia explained as the human leaned on her chair, causing some hostile looks to be sent his way.

"Indeed I do, they're the best mercs this side of the universe." Mr. Freeman exclaimed as he jumped on the table. Everypony in the room was off put by this man's excited demeanor... except for Pinkie Pie, who was giggling. "In fact, let me get one of them for you" Mr. Freeman then jumped off the table and went to the door. Everypony except Celestia seemed concerned about what was happening.

"Auntie Celestia, are you sure we can trust our safety to hired guns?" Cadence asked as Celestia kept her eyes glued to the door.

"These mercenaries are my only option Cadence, they apparently can do unnatural feats unlike regular ponies. Trust me my little ponies, I wasn't going to ask for their help, but drastic times call for drastic measures." Everypony in the room looked worried for the princess of the sun, she wasn't the same ever since the news. After the fight with Sombra, he cast a spell that rendered the land of Equestria in a limited state of peril. Soon the land would begin to lose grass and flowers. Then the rivers would drought and the sky would become poisonous. That kind of environment would be perfect for the Changelings, so trying to rejuvenate the land would be something they would not take kindly to.

Just then, footsteps were heard. The ponies looked back to the door to see another human walking towards them. This human was big, massive even. It had no hair on its head, but had a slight stubble on its face. It wore red like Mr. Freeman, but not a suit. It was a red shirt with emblems on its sleeve's that resembled fists. Over the red shirt was a simple black vest with strange cylinder-like objects wrapped over his shoulder. The human looked at the ponies with its blue eyes, not at all startled by the creatures. Celestia was the first to speak after everypony got an eyefull of the bizarre human.

"Would you like a seat Mr..." Celestia said as she magically conjured a chair for the large human. The human took a seat and grunted before speaking to Celestia.

"Name is classified, but most refer to me as Heavy." The human spoke with a very thick and masculine accent. Most of the ponies in the room were a little off put from the way this man held himself, not even bothering to acknowledge a princess in a formal way.

"Do you go by any other names?" Celestia asked, hoping to address the man with something more... appropriate.

"I am Heavy weapons guy." Heavy said, emphasizing on "weapons guy" to answer her previous question.

"Forgive me for asking... Heavy, but I believed I was promised a team."

"Heavy has team, team not as big as Heavy, but team makes up for little short comings that Heavy may have. One little baby makes up for unrequired talking. Other baby does the drinking. Basically, Heavy is one man army, but has little babies that do extra things. Any questions?" Heavy asked the room of anthropomorphic ponies. Pinkie Pie launched her hand straight into the air as Heavy caught her in his eye. "Pink pony thing, what is question?"

"Is your team really a bunch of babies? That's sooooooo cute." Pinkie said as she clapped her hands together. This earned a hearty laugh from Heavy, clearly amused by the pink pony's antics.

"N-No, but compared to Heavy, they might as well." Heavy said, still chuckling along with Pinkie. Applejack was the next to raise her hand. "Orange pony thing, you have question as well?"

"What exactly do you an' yer team do exactly?" Applejack asked, not trusting Heavy one bit.

"We are payed by you to destroy enemies." Heavy said as he clutched his fists together. Fluttershy meekly raised her hand. "Little yellow wing pony, question?"

"W-W-What do you mean by d-d-destroy?" Fluttershy said, scared to hear the answer.

"Kill, suffocate, and blow up if possible." Heavy said proudly, but got confused when Fluttershy fainted at his response. Cadence raised her hand as most of Fluttershy's friends went to her aid. "Pink winged and horned pony thing, your question as yellow thing is unconscious?"

"Um, what country are you from in your world? It's just that you have a very thick accent." Cadence asked as Fluttershy came to.

"Heavy comes from Russia, home to Moskow and Stalingrad." This immediately clicked in everypony's head, reminding them of such cities like Stalliongrad and Moshoof. Rainbow dash decided to raise her hand next. "Blue winged pony thing, last question, then Heavy needs to sleep."

"How does one get a body of that caliber." Rainbow asked with some cheekiness in her voice, which was met with some glares from her friends.

"Heavy ate bear meat as he grew, but now I am on strict diet of the sandvich." he said as he pulled out a sandwich from nowhere. He proceeded to eat the sandwich contently as the ponies watched him, ever so confused as to how a man like him could exist.

"Well, we appreciate you coming here Heavy, will we see your team at the location with us?" Celestia asked calmly.

"We will be there before you and pony team, need to prep for our advantage. It was nice meeting business... but Heavy needs beauty sleep." with that said, Heavy got up without another word and exited the room. It was quiet for a long time until Rarity spoke up.

"Twilight, im suprised, I thought you would have bombarded that thing with questions." Rarity asked her friend.

"Oh I have questions... but I want to see the rest of his team."