Once a moon

by snowfu

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Nightmare Moon, Tirek, Comedy, King Sombra, Queen Chrysalis, Ahuizotl
Length: 984

Once a moon a meeting is held by all villians. it's the usual chatter. How they're doing, what their plans are, and most importantly, snacks.

There is a poem in the Golden Oaks Library that goes like this:

If you wish to hear their tale,
Bring to them bits in a pail,
So you might have luck to hail
all the brutes that used to make us frail.

Published 2015-01-12 01:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-12 01:30:03 UTC

The Meeting

A black cloaked figure trotted in the night, right next to a rainbow colored cloaked pony (Stay Classy). They galloped side by side, walking toward a sparkling alleyway. At the end was another figure waiting for them. The figure raised an eyebrow at them. Then it proceeded to cast a spell. It's horn glowed green as a portal of sorts started to open. The two cloaked ponies stepped through first, then the figure. Mean while, a blue cat of sorts was running as fast as he could, jumping through the portal last second. With a pop the portal was gone, and the alley was silent once more.

Thuds echoed throughout Tartarus, as the four figures landed on the cold hard stone. Tirek looked up from his gay porn magazine, quickly hiding it behind his back. He blushed. Only the other villians knew his secret, and he intended to keep it that way. So what if they teased him, he just cared about himself. Thag was how you got when you lived on Tarturus. That was how it was.

"Your late. I was just about to thinking you weren't coming." Tirek said, clearly annoyed at being inturrupted. The blue cat/monkey squeezed himself from right under the pile and gave a amused glance toward Tirek. He loved to pick on ponies. It made him feel powerful. Just like Diamond Tiara. Exactly like her. Kind of like sisters to be exact.

"And they say your the most wonderful villian of all. You don't even have the same cliché as us all. We're all straight." Cat Monkey said, smirking at Tirek's angry expression. The other figures had managed to untangle themselves, and Queen Chrysalis frowned. She didn't approve of this, and they knew it. Then why on Equestria would they persue this? It drove her nearly as mad as her marefriend, the blue with a white mane and tailthat had a tennis ball and a screw for a cutiemark. What a cutie.

"Who are you to talk? You keep getting beaten by a regular old pony. Tirek, however was able to defeat Princess Twilifht and get that horrid magic of hers." Chyrsalis snapped at Cat Monkey. She was determined to stop this. And get cheese dip. She loved cheese so much. It was her favorite food.

"Zip it, you have more holes then all the plotholes in this world." Cat Monkey shot back, snarling. Queen Chrysalis growled, her horn sparking. Everypony started to turn, sensing a fight. Cat Monkey grinned, bathing in the attention.

"'Enough, we are wasting time! The meeting should have started five minutes ago." Tirek shouted, taking everyponie's attention of the two Equestrians, who had started to wrestle. A lightning bolt crackled between the two of them, and they separated, panting. And not like that. So corrupted. So very much corrupted.

"Stop you foals, are you mad?" Nightmare Moon bellowed, draking the attention of Cerebrus, who turned and looked around, but seeing nothing but Tirek. Satisfied, he looked away. Back to his underworld duties.

"Nightmare, are you insane, we could have been seen!" Cat Monkey hissed, a face grumpy cat would have been proud of on his face. Nightmare Moon was indifferrent, merely rolling her eyes. Like she cared.

"Ahem, I call this meeting to order. Cat Monkey, you may start." Tirek said, coughing in order to get their attention. Cat drew himself up and put his head in the air snootily. Like I said, he loves attention.

"Well, I recently took down Daring Do, but if it weren't for her blue friend, I would have won." Cat Monkey announced, then marched toward where he presumed the snacks would be. A horror awaited him. Oh Celestia, the horror, the horror.

"My Celestia"

"Oh heck no"

"Not him"

Sitting in the punch bowl was none other then King Sombra. He was licking the punch off his hooves.

"Oh, hey guys, great punch, totally evil. Just. Like. Me."

The other ponies stared. And stared. A few bubbles burst out of the punch. More staring. They popped.

"What are you doing?! I drink out of that!" Tirek cried, yanking Sombra out of the punch. Meanwhile, Queen Chrysalis turned and bonked her head against the crystal.

"Crystals. It needs crystals." King Sombra said as he ran and started to lick the crystal walls. So freaking corrupted. Queen Chrysalis backed away, right into the ouch bowl, spilling it on her. She screamed, running around , the bowl landing on Cat Monkey's head. He merely picked it up and setbit back on the table before joining Chrysalis in screaming. Nightmare Moon facehoofed.

And that is how most meetings of theirs end. You should have seen King Sombra's birthday. Crazy. Just, crazy. Anyway, afterward, when everypony had calmed down, Tirek proclaimed he had learned how to twerk. He taught the others. It wasn't something a sane pony could witness and come out off without their eyes burning. They had a twerk-a-thon. Oh Celestia, what am I writing? Anyway, afterward, somepony did something they regretted, and accidently touched Nightmare Moon's plot. No it wasn't King Sombra. It was Queen Chrysalis

"I'm sorry, geez take it and leave it, yoy think it was a picnic touching it?" Queen Chrysalis screamed as Nightmare Moon chased after her. When she finally caught up to her, there was a girl fight. It wasn't very beautiful. They placed bets. Nightmare Moon won. Soon another fight broke out as King Sombra and Tirek got into an argument about how much change was supposed to be given. There was a lot of waving hooves wildly. Tirek lost a tooth, and King Sombra lost his virginity. And his innocence. A lot of innocence. I'm serious, more lost then Katie Underwood's facial expressions.

After giving Tirek 20 dollars, King Sombra ate some cheese. The last of the cheese. Nopony knows where he went afterward. Nopony, says in spooy voice.