Hogwarts School of Friendship and Harmony

by Parasprite Polka

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Crossover
Length: 2346

Dumbledore calls in an old friend to help teach the rivaling houses of Hogwarts the magic of friendship.

An alternate to 5th year. Dumbledore calls upon an old friend to take the "power trios" from Gryffindor and Slytherin to a place of magic and friendship…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-11 23:40:39 UTC

Prologue

“The house rivalries are getting out of hand, Dumbledore. Gryffindor and Slytherin especially. I just released Potter and his gang from their 9th detention for fighting Draco Malfoy in the corridor! Something must be done,” McGonagall said crossly. “The students will never resolve their differences at this rate. It’s already the middle of their 5th year, for goodness sake!  They should be friends, not enemies.”Dumbledore thought about it.

“You’re absolutely right, Minerva, and I believe I have the solution. Please send for Mr. Potter, Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley, Mr. Malfoy, Ms. Parkinson, and Mr. Zabini to come to my office as soon as possible.” Dumbledore said calmly. McGonagall walked out, wondering what crackpot old scheme Dumbledore had come up with this time.

As Dumbledore waited in his chair, something suddenly came out of the cupboard that usually held the Pensieve. Luckily, the basin had already been taken out, so nothing was broken. He walked over to the figure and bowed.

“Good afternoon, old friend,” he said, “I thank you for coming.”

“I got your message, Dumbledore, and I agree immediate action must be taken. I will prepare my faithful student and her friends for your students’ arrival. Until next time, Dumbledore.” the mysterious voice answered.

“Until next time.” Dumbledore agreed. The figure walked back over to the cupboard and stuck its head in. It was sucked in, and it disappeared. Dumbledore smiled. This was certainly going to be interesting…...

The Herbology Lesson

“Pay attention, class!” Professor Sprout called through the greenhouse. “Today, we’ll be learning about Venenum Locus. Which will only grow if nourished by the ectoplasm of a poltergeist. These particular plants were grown from the ectoplasm of our very own Peeves.”

“This is already a bad idea.” Harry muttered.

“Now, put on your gloves. Just as poltergeists themselves, these plants are very tricky, and if you touch them, they will play a little prank on you.” Professor Sprout demonstrated her instruction by putting on her own gloves. The students quickly followed her example. Except for one.

“Oh please!” Ron scoffed. “It can’t be all that dangerous. It’s not like Peeves does any big pranks. The worst he did was dropping the water balloons on us second year!” Some students shivered at the memory. “Here. I’ll prove it.”

Hermione tried to stop him, but she was too late. Ron touched the indigo-colored flower. Everyone tensed up, waiting for something to happen. After a couple of minutes, everyone stopped holding their breaths.

“See, nothing-” Ron started to say, but quickly stopped and clutched his throat. His voice, you see, had changed. It was considerably higher than usual. Almost like a…

“I’ve got a girl's voice now!? How the bloody **** did this happen!?” Ron shouted. The rest of the class had started to laugh until a couple of students were on the ground, banging their fists on the soil.

“Professor, can I go to the hospital wing?” Ron asked, a pleading note in his voice.

“I’m afraid not, Weasley. As this is not affecting your physical health, you’ll have to stay here for the rest of the class.” She snickered at the end of this sentence, revealing her true intentions to the rest of the students. The students all started laughing with her, while Ron scowled. Hermione was having a blast.

“The plant! It’s almost exactly like Poison Joke! And it’s like Flutterguy, except the opposite!” she was saying through her snickers and guffaws, thinking no one would hear her over everyone else. Sadly, she was mistaken.

“It’s like what, Hermione?”Harry asked, looking over at her with curiosity, while Ron hadn’t heard her and was still scowling at everyone else.

“Oh, um…” she was spared from responding when the school bell rang for lunch.

“Thank goodness! Let’s go have lunch, shall we?” Hermione rushed toward the door. Harry ran after her, while Ron stayed behind to see if Professor Sprout had a remedy to his condition.

“What was that all about, Hermione?” Harry caught up to her as she was nearing the steps into the Great Hall. “Why’d you run off?”

“Well, you see, um, well...I, um, well, I’m actually a little embarrassed now, but, um...it was a reference to a television program that I, um, watched over the summer.” Hermione was stumbling over her words, and Harry was suspicious. But before he could interrogate further, Ron also caught up to the two of them.

“I got Professor Sprout to fix my voice! She was a little reluctant, though…”

“I don’t blame her,” Hermione was chuckling again. “You sounded wonderful with a girl’s voice.”

“Oh, shut up, Hermione.” Ron scowled.

At that moment Colin Creevey came up to the three of them and told them that Dean told him that Parvati told him that Lavender told her that McGonagall told her to tell them that Dumbledore wanted to see them in his office right away.

Where the Bloody **** Are We?!?

Where the Bloody **** Are We?!?

When the two trios awakened, they were in an entirely different environment. Everything seemed to be animated, and they were in a courtyard of some place, it looked like a castle. Hermione woke first. She stood on her feet, but they didn’t work, and she fell back down. She looked down at her feet...wait, no, hooves?! She suddenly grew wide eyes, and promptly started to freak out a little. (OK, a LOT.)

“Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!!” She yelled very loudly, and this caused the others to wake, albeit slowly. But Hermione didn’t care about them right now. She looked down at herself. She couldn’t believe it! She was a dark lavender unicorn mare, with a long-ish light brown mane. Her cutie mark- she had a cutie mark!- was three books. She grinned in excitement. This. Was. Happening!! She looked over at Ron and Harry, who were just starting to wake up.

One thing she noticed automatically was they were all unicorns. Made sense, as they all practiced magic. Ron was maroon with his long-ish orange mane.  She laughed at the irony of his coat color. He hated maroon. Hermione noticed white freckles adorning his face. His cutie mark was a fork and a spoon crossed like swords. Probably because he ate. All the time.

When Hermione looked over at Harry, she noticed something a bit different about him. Other than he was a pony, of course. His coat was a bold red, and his muzzle was gold. He was Gryffindor’s colors! He still had his scar upon his head, and his cutie mark was the Golden Snitch, which showed his obvious talent for Quidditch.

She turned to the Slytherin trio, who were still groggy.

Pansy was pistachio-green, with shoulder length brown hair and dark green eyes. Her cutie mark was the flower pansy, which Hermione thought was cheesy and unoriginal.

Blaise was brown with a really short dark brown mane and deep brown eyes. His cutie mark was a quarter rest, which Hermione didn’t really understand. Did he play music?

And finally, she looked over at Malfoy.

Draco was very similar to Harry, except he had become Slytherin colors, his muzzle being gray, while the rest of his body was a dark green. His eyes were almost the exact shade of green as his coat. Draco’s cutie mark was a thin silver dragon wrapped around a wand. Probably to represent his name, Draco, which was Latin for dragon.

By the time she had finished making her observations, everyone had woken up and realized they could no longer stand on two legs. They were freaking out that they had randomly turned into small, animated horses.

Hermione, being the pony she is, had (mostly) gotten over it, and was already trying to stand again. A while passed, while everyone freaked out and Hermione tried to walk, before anyone spoke.

“Where are we?” Harry asked, remembering the last time he had suddenly transported someplace, and was definitely wary.

Malfoy sneered, “If anyone even breathes a word of this to anyone, I will personally see to it that your early death is excruciatingly painful.”

“Well, that’s dandy for you, but we still don’t know where the bloody **** we are!” Ron yelled in Malfoy's  face, then turned to Hermione, his face turning (more) purple and flushed. “Hermione, where the heck are we?”

Hermione turned to them with a giddy look on her face. “We're in Equestria!”

“...” There was a pregnant pause as everyone else looked at Hermione with a blank look on their face.

“Hermione, you do realize that this does nothing to clarify our location to us?” Harry asked.

Read It In a Book?

Harry and Ron wanted to explore their surroundings, to maybe find out where they were, since Hermione had not clarified, but she quickly shot their ideas down.

“Dumbledore said there would be someone to explain!” Hermione reminded. “You’d get lost if you just wandered off! At least I have a general idea of where to go!”

“And how do you know about this place?” Ron asked. “Read it in a book?” he rolled his eyes at this, thinking this was the obvious answer.

“Of course not, Ron!” Hermione replied, annoyed. “You can’t get everything from a book!”

“Words I never thought I would hear Hermione say.” Harry smirked.

“I got it from TV!” Hermione said exasperatedly.

“That’s it. It’s official. The universe has imploded and we’re all dead,” Harry said with a shocked expression, and a poorly concealed grin. “That is the only possible explanation for what I just heard.”

“Oh, shut up Potter!” Malfoy snapped. “We have no idea where we are, and you're poking fun at the Mudblood!” Ron quickly stumbled on his new legs to Malfoy.

“I swear, Malfoy, if you ever say that again!” Ron got in his face and raised a hoof. “I won’t go as easy as Hermione third year.”

“That's enough, Ron.” Hermione said, rolling her eyes. “As I´ve already said, Malfoy, we're in Equestria.”

“Hey, Hermione!” Harry remembered. “How do you know about this place?” Hermione suddenly looked very flustered.

“Oh, well, um…..I, well…. Harry, you know that television program I was talking about earlier?” Hermione stuttered. Harry looked at her blankly, while all three Slytherins (and Ron) looked uninterested, because they don’t care what happens outside of their petty lives, except for Ron, who was just because he wasn’t there for that particular conversation.

“This is the program you were referencing?” Harry asked in bewilderment. “A telly program that has a world called Equestria, or whatever you said! And this world is inhabited by small horses, judging on our appearance! Hermione where the **** do you find a show like this!”

“Well, it´s not like I was expecting to watch it!” Hermione said hotly. “I visited my cousin in America over the summer, and she recommended it to me. I wasn’t all that excited, if you could imagine.”

“Okay,” Harry said, “but then how did your cousin actually get you to watch this show?” Hermione looked down, as if she were ashamed to say. Her head suddenly shot up.

“She literally tied me to a chair and made me watch it!” Hermione shouted. “It’s not like I wanted to! But,as time went on, I, um…” she got quieter with every word.

“Hello, young students,” Celestia suddenly strode in, interrupting the conversation. “I presume you are the pupils Dumbledore told me about?”

A New Curriculum

When they reached Dumbledore’s office, they were unpleasantly surprised to see their arch nemeses, Malfoy, Parkinson, and Zabini also there, glaring at them when they came in.

“Professor, why are they here?” Ron complained, whining like a three-year old.

“This is exactly the problem I am trying to resolve.” Dumbledore answered. “Would you please take a seat?”

“What do you mean, Professor?” Harry questioned. The Gryffindors took seats in front of the desk, while the Slytherins made no movement towards the headmaster.

“I have noticed the contention between the houses, but it is strongest between Gryffindor and Slytherin. To respond to this, I have devised a new curriculum for the six of you, stressing the importance of cooperation between houses. As you are “leaders” in your respective houses, you will pave the way for your classmates.”

“A new curriculum?” Hermione asked excitedly, ignoring for now that Dumbledore was implying prolonged contact with the Slytherin trio.

“Quite,” Dumbledore agreed. “Call it studying abroad.”

“You can’t send us away from the school!” Malfoy exclaimed. “My father will hear about this!”

“That will not be necessary, because when you go to this new place, you’ll still be taking lessons.” Dumbledore explained.

“Does that mean we’re going to a different school?” Hermione inquired, “Are we going to Beauxbatons? Or maybe Durmstrang?” Ron scowled at the mention of Durmstrang.

“No, it is not any of those, Ms. Granger.” Dumbledore answered, “You will be going quite farther than that.

“Everything will be provided for you when you arrive, including clothing. Someone will be there to explain everything.” Dumbledore walked over to the cupboard containing the Pensieve and gestured the others to follow.

The Gryffindors started to follow immediately, while the Slytherins more or less dragged their feet to where Dumbledore was standing, and he opened the doors to the cupboard.

“Are we going into a memory?” Harry asked. “I thought you said we were going to a different school!”

“You’re not going through the Pensieve, but the mirror behind it. The mirror is actually a portal, so you aren’t going to crash into anything.” He took the Pensieve out so the back of the cupboard could be easily reached. “Slytherins first. Farewell, and good luck!” The Slytherins gathered around the cupboard, Dumbledore gave them a light push, and they disappeared into the mirror. The Gryffindors walked around the Pensieve to gather at the mirror.

“Hermione, I think you’ll find this extremely pleasant and to your liking.” Dumbledore said to her with a small smile.

“What? Why?” Hermione asked, but Dumbledore gave no answer. He instead smiled and lightly pushed the three Gryffindors, who also disappeared into the cupboard.