Take Me Instead!

by dietcokewithlime

Rating: teen
Tags: Shining Armor, Sex, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Princess Cadance, Comedy, King Sombra
Length: 5291

Shining Armor volunteers himself to King Sombra to protect Princess Cadence. He might regret such a decision.

King Sombra has taken back the Crystal Empire and imprisoned both Shining Armor and Princess Cadence. Any day now, Shining expects word of their scheduled executions. When Sombra comes and asks for a single one of them for retribution, the heroic stallion offers himself without hesitation. Now he only wished he listened to the whole endeavor before volunteering.

(WARNING: May contain words, sentences, and indented paragraphs that may not be to one's liking.)

Published 2015-01-12 03:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-17 00:57:31 UTC

The Prince Of Love

Shining Armor shuddered against his wife as he heard an iron door slam heavily against its frame. Nestled into the crook of his neck was Princess Cadence—cheeks gaunt and eyes deplorably missing that flicker of life he would have loved to glimpse again.

Another door slammed, this time followed by the hoofsteps of half a dozen ponies.

It was then that Shining knew The King was coming to see them. And he thought he knew why.

“This might be the end of us, my love,” Shining told her delicately. “Only know that whatever happens, my love for you will never falter.”

Tightly shackled in a series of rusted chains, Cadence embraced the stallion as best she could, as a single tear edged down her cheek. Shining never thought their lives would have come to such a grim conclusion.

The door to their cramped cell rushed open and two dark-clad guards entered to stand on both sides of the entryway. The third to enter was the immaculately dressed dark King that had turned the couple’s world into a living Hell a little over a week ago. His long red cape trailed against the dirt covered floor, and he stopped a few paces inward, glaring down at them both with his venomous eyes.

Shining couldn’t read a single thing from Sombra’s nearly blank expression.

“Good afternoon,” Sombra said politely, his low voice reverberating richly off each thick stone wall. “Your time spent in my care has come to an end, I’m afraid. You both tried to usurp me during my rightful return, and because of that I will see that justice is performed. Tonight.”

Shining chin began to tremble. He had known such a day to be coming—it had been a short while since Sombra’s return. But now that he had been well informed of his own execution, he found himself on the verge of breaking down. Although he knew he would stay strong for Cadence. Up until the bitter end.

Shining looked up at the King and spat, “Do with us what you will, you monster. Your return will be short lived—someone will stop you again.”

Sombra chuckled. “I’m sure they will try, Shining. There will always be those that try. But, truthfully, you shouldn’t think of me as terrible as you might. For instance, I’m actually only asking for one of you. And once justice is performed, you will be able to spend the rest of your days freely in my kingdom, to work and to live.”

Shining didn’t believe he could hate the vile creature anymore. Not only was he planning on killing one of them, but then he was going to make the other live out the rest of their life without the other by their side. For Shining, there truly was no other option.

Sombra held out a hoof towards Cadence. “Come, Princess. I cannot promise your punishment will be painless.”

Pushing his wife off of him, Shining slowly got to his hooves, each move causing the stallion to grimace in pain. Once upright, he faced the King and said loudly, “Take me instead! I’d rather die for the mare that I love than live a single hour without her.” He turned to his wife on the floor, both of her shimmering eyes confused and bewildered. “Should you take her from me today, I would never find the strength to go on. So I will take her place, because a life without her in it isn’t a life at all.”

Cadence moaned next to him. “Shining, no! You don’t need to do this!”

“It’s too late, Cadence,” he answered. “I already have. Lead the best life you can.”

King Sombra watched the pair’s heroic display before he eyed Shining cautiously. Taking a step towards him, he said, “Are you sure of your wishes, Shining? Once you take her place, there will be no going back.”

Shining nodded and tried to resolve himself. “I’m sure. The love I feel for her is too strong to live without.”

Sombra narrowed his eyes and took another step closer. With a single hoof, he propped up Shining’s chin and turned his head from side to side. Once he’d found nothing of much interest, he let him go to eye up the rest of him.

The King nodded his approval. “Fine, then. You will do.” Then he spoke to the other guards by the door. “Before nineteen-hundred hours tonight, make sure he is washed and readied and then brought to my bedchamber. Also, as always, make sure my tools are ready. And before I forget…”

Shining’s mouth dropped to his chest and desperately he tried to reason away what had just come out of Sombra’s mouth. “Wait… you said…”

Sombra regarded the startled stallion. “Do you like grapes?” When he didn’t answer, he told his guards, “Grapes will do. Make sure you leave a bowl out.”

With rising dismay, Shining turned to his wife. “Did he say, ‘bedchamber’?”

Cadence, meanwhile, chewed on her tongue as she sat awestruck on the floor.

Shining asked the King tentatively, “Don’t you mean guillotine? Or, I don’t know, death by combat or something of the sort?”

At that, Sombra laughed. “Did you really think I was going to kill one of you? You’re much better to me alive than dead, you know. But that doesn’t mean you won’t go unpunished for the crimes you’ve committed against me.” A small grin found his face. “Although I am surprised you’d offer yourself, Shining. But I’ll take what I can get, though.”

Shining turned to his wife. “Cadence… umm… maybe now would be a good time to return the favor and volunteer yourself in my stead? Before I jumped in for you, I had expected to either be killed or tortured. Something other than what I think he’s referring to.”

Cadence put a hoof to her mouth. “But Shining, I don’t want to ruin that beautiful speech you made for me. You were sacrificing yourself for me, remember?”

A faint sweat started to form on his brow as nervousness entered his voice. “Oh, I remember what I said, Cadence! It wasn’t all that long ago, you know! Yet Sombra used the very precise words ‘bed’ and ‘chamber,’ meaning it’s like a normal bedroom but a whole lot bigger. And full of beds, Cadence! And now he’s invited me there! To his room of beds!”

Cadence blushed and tried to hide her mouth under her hooves. “Maybe he only wants to build a pillow fort with you? And maybe have you read a book to him?”

The couple turned to the King, who viewed Shining gravely. “We can build a pillow fort if you wish, but what happens inside its cushy walls will be far too loud and cumbersome to read through.”

On the verge of choking on air, Shining spun to his wife again. “You hear that, Cadence! Remember, he also used the word ‘tools’ earlier! As in he’s bringing tools with him! What the hell does that even mean?”

Cadence’s whole head was nearly hidden behind her legs. “Maybe he needs your help fixing his bed, so he’s bringing some tools along?”

“Fix his bed?” Shining screamed. “What? After he’s done breaking it in two using me as the hammer?” He ran a frazzled hoof through his mane. “Cadence? Darling? Light of my life! You really need to back me up on this and take one for the team here! Just say the words, ‘I volunteer in his stead.’ It’s super easy! You got this! I know you can do it!”

Cadence stared at him innocently. “But I’m the Princess of Love, Shining.”

“You’re right! You are! So what better job for the Princess of Love, right?”

She shook her head. “The Princess of Love would never cheat on her husband, no matter the circumstance.”

Shining blanched and turned to Sombra, who only shrugged in reply.

He screamed back at her, “So you don’t consider this cheating?”

Cadence thought for a moment. “I… don’t think so.” She asked the rest of the room, “Is it?”

Everyone shrugged in unison.

Not completely comprehending just how he’d gotten himself into such a precarious position, Shining collapsed against the floor as his chains rattled noisily. Cadence scooted next to him.

She patted his head reassuringly. “I’m sure he’ll be very gentle, Shining.”

Sombra shook his head. “No, I won’t. I really won’t. It might not seem like it, but I’m a very passionate stallion.”

Shining whimpered and couldn’t look anyone in the eyes.

Cadence held his head. “Just think of it like this, Shining. You do this one little thing and then we’re free to go. And I promise not to look at you any differently once it’s over. How does that sound, sweetie?”

For close to minute, Shining pondered a great many things to say to his beloved. Eventually, he settled upon, “Shut up, please.” And then she did.

***

“And then what happened, Grandpa?”

Little Pebble sat on his grandfather’s lap and waited patiently for the elderly earth pony to conclude the story. It was one he’d already heard many times by now, but he enjoyed each new telling all the same.

Grandpa Boulder played with his wispy beard. “Then later that night, after spending many and many arduous hours getting to know that special stallion better, our great King Sombra found that wonderful source of love he had been silently searching for all his life.”

Pebble asked excitedly, “You mean when he found the Prince of Love?”

“Yes, my young one. Although he wasn’t always called that.” He paused to remember longingly. “And from that lone night began Sombra’s peaceful reign over the Crystal Empire, where ponies were once again happy and blissful, and where slavery was no more. And for ninety-six years—until the terrible passing of the Prince of Love, that was—it remained as such. But sadly, King Sombra has vowed never to grow close to another again.”

Pebble nodded. “That’s really sad, Grandpa. Did you ever meet the Prince of Love?”

He held up a hoof. “I will tell you he was a stallion of the regular class. By Sombra’s side he held an opulent throne, but I don’t believe I’d ever once seen him sit in it—or sit in any chair for that matter. And only a single time did I ever get the pleasure of meeting him, and when I did, he told me a piece of advice that I knew I’d cherish forever.”

“And what was that?”

“Don’t volunteer for anything.”

Author's Note

Unnecessary Morning After Chapter

Shining Armor cracked open a single eye and stared out into the gloom of the bedroom. His heart raced and his mind whirled. He’d just awoken from one of the most real and frightening dreams of his life. Cadence and him had been locked away in a cell, guarded by the villainous King Sombra. He had said they could go free for a price. A special price.

Shining could still recall each and every vivid detail.

Since when had dreams become so real? he wondered tiredly.

In just the few moments since coming to, the stallion settled down. He was back in his own bed and both of Cadence’s legs were lovingly wrapped around his chest, her breath soft on his neck. It was unusual for Shining to be on this side of the embrace, but at the time he welcomed it.

Grabbing a single of her resting legs, he scooted back a few inches, ruffling the twisted covers that lay shattered around him. He stopped at her chest and found it far hairier than it should be. Then he glanced at the leg he had grabbed and found a dark grey one in place of bright pink.

No, he thought sleepily. The curtains are shut and the room is dark. I’m only not seeing this right.

He slowly angled his head and caught sight of Sombra’s curved red horn and peacefully snoozing face, a single drip of saliva tempting to spill onto his pillow. Shining also noted the absence of crown and cape, along with every bit of his sparkling silver armor.

Carefully, Shining turned to stare at the wall again, shuddering and gagging on air. And then came each and every ache in his body that he’d forgotten about since waking. His jaw hurt, along with his neck, joints, and back. He smelled imitation coconut and cherry, as well as some water-based liquids. Most of his fur was sticky and wet and standing up in every which direction. Most prominent of all, though, was the overwhelming soreness in two very sensitive areas below the covers. For a moment his mind flashed around the dozens of acts that might have caused such distress, but he shut them out as he thought of what he’d need to do next.

Removing Sombra’s leg from his side, he then shuffled out the bed as gently as possible. Once he’d barked one of his knees on some nearby stand, he opened a single drape to let in some light.

Shining scanned the large and elaborate room and found the doors on the other side. Standing on tippy-hooves he made his way over, spending a moment to see if Sombra had noticed his absence.

Oh, Celestia…

Sombra was still asleep in the same position as before, that small grin from when Shining was pressed up against him vacant from his face. Now he appeared sad, as both of his forelegs minutely searched for that batch of warmth they’d been holding onto earlier.

It would almost have been cute, if the act wasn’t being done by the worst villain in Equestrian history.

Without hesitation, Shining went to the doors (nearly slipping on some puddle on the floor that he didn’t spend time investigating) and tried turning the knob. When one greasy hoof proved ineffective, he tried for two, only to come away with the same result. As his hooves slipped again and again, his anxiety rose. He had to get out of there. He had to get back to Cadence and explain what had happened (omitting one or two glaring details).

Panic stricken and confused, Shining hadn’t even noticed a certain bed partner rise to greet him.

“Good morning, marshmallow.”

Shining shuddered again and found his hooves trembling on the knob. Slowly, he turned around, unsure what he’d find.

King Sombra sat up against the headboard, a gentle smirk on his lips. He raised both his forelegs and stretched, before spreading out along the bed. “It’s must too early to rise, my prince. We will skip breakfast and settle for brunch later on. Come back to bed. You know how naked I feel without my armor on.”

Shining’s pupils shrunk and he turned back to the door. If the knob was of no use, his next plan was to buck the door off the hinges. Only problem was the strong magic pulling on his legs back towards the bed. Shining lowered to the floor to find something to hold onto, only for his hooves to leave track-marks across the marble as they dragged along.

Once his sore plot hit the side of the bed, he was gently flipped over and set back down next to the King, who instantly wrapped him up in four horrifically strong legs.

“There’s my little spoon again,” he said happily.

Shining couldn’t help but tremble atop the soft covers.

Sombra asked, “Why are you shaking like that? Are you cold? Let your king warm you up.”

Oh, Celestia, he thought meekly. Why is he so nice now?

Shining steeled himself as Sombra played with a batch of fur on his chest.

Shining said bluntly, “I want to go. I’ve done what you asked and now I want to see Cadence again.”

Sombra sighed heavily against his head. “I’m sure you do. But will she want to see you again?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but—” He paused for a moment. “Oh, wait. No, I’m not. Cadence cheated on you, Shining. And I don’t believe she’ll want you back.”

Shining choked on the cherry/coconut infused air. “What! When? I just saw her yesterday!”

Sombra nodded and began rubbing his hooves along Shining’s shoulders. “I know. What a terrible thing to do. From what I understand, she came by last night to lend moral support when she heard you yelling through the doors. Once she’d heard enough, she grabbed the closest guard nearby and… well, I think you can guess the rest.”

Shining felt on the verge of crying. “But… I didn’t say anything last night!”

Sombra chuckled deeply. “Oh, you big liar you. What didn’t you say last night?” He kissed the back of his neck. “It might have taken some time to melt my new scoop of vanilla ice cream, but once I got you warm… it was almost as if you enjoyed it.”

Oh, Celestia, he even does nicknames.

Shining shouted, “That’s a lie!”

Sombra cooed, “Tell yourself whatever you need to, my prince. I’m sure we’ll get to know a lot about the other in due time.”

Shining hesitated before asking, “What do you mean by that?”

Sombra put his head on his shoulder. “That I’ve changed my mind and I won’t let you leave. You must stay here with me now.” He sighed heavily. “I’ve done terrible things before—monstrous things. But my night with you made me realize there is love in this world; I only had to find it first.” He slapped Shining’s sore plot. “And you seem so much more durable than the others. Mares? Perhaps two, three times a night. You? I don’t even know how you left the bed this morning.”

“Don’t!” Shining interrupted. “Don’t mention stuff like that!”

“Whatever you wish, my love.” He chuckled. “I was only going to point out that before last night, I looked at you like some idiotic, foolhardy stallion that did one thing and one thing only. Now, after seeing you up close and getting to know what exists on the inside, do I want more.” He paused. “Get it? ‘Inside.’ Because I stuck my—”

“I get it!”

Oh, Celestia, he makes jokes, too. Or… tries.

Shining asked timidly, “And what’s happens if I want nothing to do with you? What happens if I still hate your guts and escape and never call you again or remember your birthday?”

Sombra smiled. “You make me want to be a better stallion, Shining. So if you stay with me, I’ll do whatever you think is best.”

“Like stop slavery?”

“Sure.”

“And stop all executions?”

“Those were really fun, but for you, I would.”

“And… perhaps, fix your entire warped kingdom?”

“You’re lucky you’re so damn cute right now, or I’d have found that insulting. But, more or less, if that’s what you want. But if you leave.” Shining heard the King grit his teeth together. “Nothing will change and I’ll only make things worse.”

As warm as he was in the cozy embrace of the dark stallion, Shining felt like a small block of ice. He was without a doubt in the worst position of his life—between a rock and the King’s very hard and very phallic personal object.

“Can I think about it over brunch?”

Sombra paused. “If you wish, but first let me get that thing on your cheek.”

“What’s on my cheek?”

“Me.” Sombra leaned in to peck him on the face.

Oh, Celestia, he’s actually kind of cute when he tries.

Sombra’s powerful legs pulled him closer. “You were shivering before. I know something that might help warm you up.”

Shining’s stomach dropped as he felt something poke into his back.

“Why don’t you sit on the King’s throne again?”

Oh, Celestia, give me strength.

Author's Note

Sorry, but the notion of gay Sombra is too humorous and yet scary to not write about.

Completely Necessary Brunch Chapter

Shining Armor slowly followed behind King Sombra as the dark stallion stopped at each door along the elaborate hall. With odd enthusiasm he pushed open every one to explain what was inside.

Sombra extended a hoof into the next room. “And here’s the castle gym. And two doors down is the pool. No one’s allowed to use that but me… and now you, I guess.”

Shining nodded glumly and walked along, hopeful to cut the castle tour as short as could be. At the time, he had a lot on the mind—mostly bitter and cheerless thoughts. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t tell Sombra just what he thought.

He stopped in the middle of the hall. “Why is your cape so much longer than mine?”

Sombra turned and cocked his head to look at Shining’s new cape. While his was blood red, Shining’s was royal blue, and a good several inches shorter.

Sombra grinned pleasantly. “My cape hides what needs to be hidden, should I choose not to wear my armor one day. Your cape is made to show off the Empire’s new royal assets, if you catch my meaning.”

Shining thought a deaf pony could catch his meaning. He still didn’t enjoy having his plot left to hang out in the breeze, especially given a new cape to wear around. Ignoring one annoyance for the time, he tried for the next on his list.

He told Sombra bluntly, “I could have showered by myself, you know. I’ve been doing it quite a while at this point.”

The King lightly shook his head. “But you might have fallen and hurt yourself, Shining. And how would you have reached all those hard to reach spots?”

Shining glared at him. “There was a luffa and I have a horn.”

Sombra tipped him a wink. “But my horn’s much bigger.”

Shinning angled his head to the ground, wanting to lie down and just stop doing anything at all. As tempted as he was to think things couldn’t possibly get any worse, he always knew Sombra would find a way.

He sighed. “I liked you so much better when I thought you were going to kill me.”

Sombra put a hoof on his back. “That should teach you that not all villains are one-dimensional creatures.” He pushed him along. “Come now. Time for brunch.”

***

Pulling out his seat, Shining sat down gingergly and couldn’t think of a moment he felt less hungry. Even though Sombra’s dinning room was much larger than any in Canterlot, it held only a single long table. In a single corner, he and Sombra sat; Shining instantly noting each sparkling plate and utensil.

Sombra unfurled his napkin along his lap. “Whatever you want, my chefs will make it. If they don’t know how, I’ll dispose of them and find someone that does.”

Shining shut his eyes. “I never said I’d be staying with you.”

“What else would you do? Cadence is gone. Your sister is boring as dirt. You could have whatever you wanted here.”

Now it was Shining’s turn to smirk. “And if all I wanted was you gone from here?”

Sombra stared down at his empty plate. “Now that’s just uncalled for, Shining, considering I’m being so blunt about my emotions for you.”

He said thickly, “If you really loved someone, Sombra, you’d set them free.”

At that, Sombra laughed. “And yet you forget that I’m a complete asshole that only cares about what he wants. And at the moment, that is you. So buck up, my prince. The only way I’ll allow any changes to my kingdom is if you’re by my side.”

Shining put his heavy head on a hoof. “We’ll see.”

A unicorn dressed in pristine white came around the table to fill both water glasses. Once done, he stood by the King’s side with a levitating notepad. “And what would you like today, my King?”

“I’ll have an omelet with cheese and peppers, fresh pineapple, and a side of bacon—nearly burnt.”

The servant nodded. “Very good. And for… you?”

Sombra chuckled. “This is Shining Armor, and he’ll be staying here for some time as my personal guest. I’m adding more enthusiasm to the word personal because we had sex less than thirty minutes ago.”

The servant nodded again. “Very good, my King. And what would Shining Armor like to eat?”

Shining looked at the servant and then to his polished knife on the table, suddenly curious if he’d have enough strength to jab it in the side of his neck should the situation call for it. One more terrible joke from Sombra should do it, he believed.

He looked up at the servant. “I won’t be eating. I don’t think I’ll ever be eating again.”

Sombra rolled his eyes and said to his servant, “Oh, ignore grumpy butt for the moment. He’s only sore because I tricked him into an unwanted gay experience and now he’s confused about his sexuality… and possibly because I said if he leaves, I’ll kill everyone in this kingdom. But I’m sure once Stock-hoof syndrome kicks in, he’ll be as right as rain. On that note, let’s see how we’re doing.”

He leaned across the table. “Do you like me yet?”

Shining said dryly, “You’ve somehow gone from the worst villain in Equestria to something worse than I ever thought possible. I was worried before that you were going to kill me, and now I’m worried you’ll keep me alive for dozens of years to systematically torture me with your bizarre imitation of love.”

Sombra turned to the servant. “Maybe I’ll ask again in a few hours. But regardless, Shining will have what I’m having.”

Shining huffed. “I don’t even eat meat!”

Sombra shook his head. “Then you’re really missing out, and you might need that extra protein living with me.”

The servant made to leave, but Shining grabbed his shoulder. “Actually, I’ve changed my mind. Bring me every cake and pastry you have.”

The servant hesitated. “Uhh… all right.”

Once he exited the room, Shining leaned back in his seat and crossed his legs over his chest. He smirked at the King. “If I’m forced to stay with you, I’m going to get so fat you’ll have to wheel me down the hall. What else do I have to lose at this point?”

Sombra shook his head and chuckled. “There are spells to keep you neat and trim, my sugar lump. How do you believe I keep such an attractive figure?”

“That’s easy, Sombra. You’ve never had one to begin with.”

Sombra chuckled again. “You keep on insulting me, Shining, and I’ll be forced to shove something a lot less sweet than cake between those lips of yours.”

Instantly, Shining shut his mouth and waited for brunch to be over.

***

The moment they finished descending the rickety wooden stairs at the bottom of the mine, Shining felt a lump form in his throat. All around him he watched the young and the old load crystals into wheelbarrows to trot to locations unknown. Each crystal slave was covered in dirt and each appeared in a state of exhaustion. Those that saw the King enter the mine shivered in fear. Those that noticed Shining standing by his side glanced him over bemused.

He asked Sombra, “Why did you bring me down here?”

Sombra feigned ignorance. “I thought you enjoyed helping others, Shining. And that’s exactly what you’ll do. Starting now.”

The tip of Sombra’s horn shimmered in a faint glow as his voice rang out for every slave to hear. “Greetings to all of my humble workers. It is I, your benevolent King Sombra, with a message for you all.” He wrapped a leg around Shining, pulling him close. “This is Mr. Shining Armor. Say hello to him.”

“Hello, Shining Armor…”

With little energy, the slaves more or less whispered his name, followed by more than a dozen coughs and wheezes.

Sombra continued cheerfully, “Just last night, Shining filled by heart with sunshine in a way I never thought possible. The only problem is he wants to leave my beautiful kingdom and deprive himself of me—truly, an unheard act. But I have promised him that if he stays with me, I will abolish all slavery, and you will all be free to leave this place forever.”

With rising apprehension, Shining watched every slave in view whisper to those closest to them, more than a few jaws dropping from the news. A few of the younger ones even jumped up and down with glee.

Sombra frowned deeply. “But that can only happen if Shining agrees to stay with me. So now I will let the stallion himself inform you of his decision.”

With a powerful leg, he ushered Shining to the center of the area, hundreds of slaves anxiously waiting for him to speak. Shining had never wanted to hit some pony as bad as he wanted to hit Sombra right then. Once again, he had been tricked. Once again, he had been put on the spot.

“I… umm…” Shining could hardly find the words, his throat suddenly dry and the existence of the English language gone from his head. “I guess what Sombra has told you is true. But what he’s leaving out is the fact that he tricked me into all this. And also the large fact that he’s a jerk and every second I’m with him makes me pray for a sudden death.”

The slaves murmured to themselves, as a lone filly walked over to them. With beaming eyes she stared at him, specks of dirt on each cheek.

With a sad squeak in her voice, she said, “But Mr. Armor, I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired and I only want to go home. This place is terrible. For everyone.”

A piece of Shining’s heart broke away. He said painfully, “But… Sombra makes the worst jokes; you have no idea. To everyone else he’s just a dark, moody king, but when he’s not around others, he’s just weird. It’s seriously terrible.”

The little filly hitched in a breath. “My parents both died in this mine two weeks ago. And last week both my sister and brother died. And now I think that I’ll die any day now.”

The rest of Shining’s heart fell away to the bottom of his stomach. “But… that’s all emotional pain. And my butt hurts so bad right now, words can’t do it justice.”

A single tear fell down the filly’s cheek as another slave wrapped her in a hug.

She whimpered out, “It’s okay. We understand. It’s up to you what you want to do.”

Shining gritted his teeth and stomped on the ground. “Okay! Fine! I’ll stay! Holy, Celestia, is this ever depressing! Just stop talking in that adorable little voice, all right? Everyone got that? Slavery is done! All thanks to my sore behind! Oh, Celestia, screw you all!”

The cavern erupted in a sea of cheers as every crystal slave threw down their pickaxes and shovels and galloped towards him. Although he tried to deflect as many as he could, dozens of them enveloped him in a hug, shouting their thanks. Shining, begrudgingly, answered with, “You’re welcome.”

Once the cave was clear of slaves, Sombra went over to the deflated stallion, a sly smirk on his lips. “I’ve been meaning to ask, Shining. What’s your favorite day of the week?”

Shining kicked a rock along the ground. “Why does it matter?”

“Because we should get to know each other, obviously.”

Shining sighed. “Friday. Sure, let’s go with Friday.”

Sombra smiled. “Splendid. Then we’ll be married on Friday.”

He thought dourly, I should start keeping my mouth shut permanently.