Tales from the Gravel Pit

by Darkmetroidz

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Sunset Shimmer, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna
Length: 4371

Twilight and friends took a shady job offer from Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna. Now they are mercenaries, fighting out a feud between the sisters and trying to undo the damage to their friendship. A MLP/TF2 crossover.

Twilight Sparkle, along with Sunset Shimmer and their friends, were offered jobs by Principal Celestia or Vice Principal Luna after graduation. They pay was good, there was travel involved, and they even had considerable health insurance. As it turns out, they were hired as mercenaries to fight for the sisters to gain their inheritance from their deceased father. The battles have been trying on everyone. Now, Twilight wants out, and is trying to salvage what remains of her friendships while trying to stay alive.

Published 2015-01-14 06:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-15 02:24:37 UTC

Prologue- The Stench of Regret

Twilight Sparkle sat on the ledge of the BLU fort, gazing through the scope of her sniper rifle. She, along with a group of her classmates, had been offered jobs by Vice Principal Luna right after graduation.

They had taken the offer right away. The pay was decent, it offered health benefits, and offered a fair bit of travel to boot. She had wanted to save some money to pay her way through college, so she took the offer right away.

Admittedly, she should have been suspicious about the vagueness of the offer, but Twilight had never been one to question people she liked or respected, and Luna was both. Which made her all the more surprised when she had a gun pressed into her hands on her first day.

Across the river, in the RED fort, Twilight's friend, Sunset Shimmer, sat in a similar position. Sunset had been approached by Principal Celestia and made the same offer.

As it stood, seventeen people had been recruited by the sisters and turned into a mercenary team.

Well, formerly eighteen. Twilight's then boyfriend, Flash Sentry, had been recruited to RED. He had been recruited as a soldier, but had died at Rarity's hands as he had snuck onto the battlements. Until his death, the teams had managed to keep up friendships across the alliances, but the tragedy changed everything.

All letters stopped. Even Fluttershy stopped writing. The only kindness the alliances did for each other was on Twilight and Sunset's part. The two had an unspoken agreement not to kill each other or their teammates while they stayed on their side of the bridge.

Twilight let her Machina fall to the ground. She pulled a yearbook out of her backpack and began flipping through it. She stopped on a dog-eared page. The photo was taken at the fall formal.

That was the night she and Sunset finally became friends. The next page showed them, along with Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Applejack at the battle of the bands. The seven had formed a band, the Rainbooms, and taken home first place.

Twilight sighed. The competition had tried their friendship like nothing they had ever been through before, but they managed to stay together even through that. But this business...

Rarity suddenly appeared before Twilight. She had been hired as a spy, a master of espionage. Among her equipment were a cloaking device and a disguise kit that could make her look like any of the mercenaries.

Of course, anything Rarity did, she did with a touch of fabulosity and flair that was all her own. Her suit was of her own design. When they had arrived, rarity had discarded the uniform she was given and set to make herself a new one, saying that, if she was to be partaking in sabotage and skullduggery, she would be doing it in style.

"Good afternoon Twilight," she waved. Twilight ignored her. She still hadn't fully forgiven her for killing Flash Sentry. Rarity had justified her actions by claiming that Flash had murder in his eyes when he had rocket jumped onto the battlements, and looked ready to kill young Derpy.

The situation became all the more awkward when they found a birthday present for twilight on his body.

Rarity took the hint and started to walk away. Unfortunately, right at that moment, another girl, wearing overalls and a wizard hat, approached the duo.

"We have business to talk about." Trixie declared. "This team is far behind schedule, and the great and powerful engineer Trixie means to fix this."

"And how do you plan to do that?" Rarity asked, lighting a cigarette, "our last few attempts haven't exactly been successes."

"That is because you losers were planning them," Trixie snidely commented, "let Trixie lead the next assault. We'll be done here before sundown."

"An egghead like you, leading?" Rainbow dash jeered, setting her baseball bat down beside her, "let the athletes fight. You just build your little toys."

Twilight signed, "Trixie has a point. Neither your or Bulk Biceps plans have exactly worked out."

Rainbow Dash growled, "That's only because none of you were fast enough to keep up with me." She stormed off, as did Trixie.

"My, Rainbow Dash has been in a sultry mood lately," Rarity observed.

"She hasn't been the same since the accident." Twilight said.

Rainbow Dash sat down in the courtyard and opened her knapsack. Underneath a six pack of soda and her scattergun was her own senior yearbook. She removed that, and pulled a medal out from underneath.

"It's not fair..." She sobbed.

When she enlisted, she meant to stay long enough to save enough to get her started at Wondercolt University, and play soccer for the school. Try as she might, she couldn't get an athletic scholarship because her grades were so abysmal. She hoped that would be her springboard to go pro in soccer.

But the accident changed all of that.

She was leading an attack on RED to steal their intelligence, and as usual, no one could keep up with her. She sprinted into the base headlong, and without knowing it, walked straight into a sticky bomb trap. Pinkie Pie was smarter than she looked. She buried them in dirt and in boxes of party decorations she brought from home. Rainbow Dash never saw it coming.

Luckily, Bulk Biceps and Derpy were right behind her. They carried her out and brought her to Shining Armor, their medic.

Rainbow Dash was on deaths doorstep. Her leg had been totally severed, and had lost a ton of blood. Shining Armor had his Medigun handy, but the relief came too late.

Rainbow felt the stiffness in her leg.

Her muscles had never been quite the same after the accident. To a casual onlooker, she looked fine, possibly in the best shape of her life.

But it was a sham. True, she could run faster than ever, but her footwork, once so perfect, had gotten clumsy. Shining armor's theory was that when her muscles were severed, most of the intricate motion she'd learned was lost.

The accident had totally altered Rainbow Dash. In one afternoon, she went from being the most liked and dependable member of the team to a sullen, angry loner.

"I hate all of them." She had found reasons to blame almost everyone for the accident. Rarity had been too busy picking out an outfit to scope out the other base for traps. Shining armor was a horrible medic for not fixing her completely. He was better at using his Vaccinator to protect against harm than to cure it. Twilight had passed up on countless chances to kill Pinkie Pie from the sniper tower.

And then there was Pinkie. The thought of her put Rainbow's blood to a boil. It was her bombs that had crushed her dreams.

Pinkie Pie had been a flamboyant character as long as she could remember, but she'd become even more annoying about it since they'd arrived at the gravel pit. Between the eyepatch, fake mutton chops, and cheesy Scottish accent she'd put on, Rainbow Dash wouldn't need much convincing to bash her with her bat, even disregarding their previous incident.

Rainbow Dash had lost all hope. Barring a miracle, her leg would never be as nimble as it once was. In her depression, she had forsaken the strict diet that she had worked so hard to keep up during school. Vitamin water and nutrition bars had quickly turned to Bonk! Atomic Punch, and donuts. Rainbow Dash wept to herself. Her dream of competing before thousands of fans at the world championships, or even the Olympics, were shot.

She had enlisted to earn money, but now, she stayed for one reason. Rainbow Dash wanted revenge. She decided to find her way to the commons room. Trixie's crackpot plan might just allow her the opportunity she so desperately wanted.

Trixie had set up a holographic display of the 2fort complex. Everyone sat before her, on the locker room benches, to see her plan. Trixie proudly stood before her plan. Rainbow Dash grimaced. She stood the same way the day of the accident.

"The great and powerful Trixie will set up a base in the sewers under RED's base. Twilight and Bulk Biceps will come with Trixie and provide support fire while she sets up her teleportation device. Then the rest of you will come through."

Rarity interrupted, "Hold on, who will be protecting our intelligence if we all go at once? I do not intend on losing that briefcase again."

The interruption annoyed Trixie, but she remained composed, and even pleasant. "Trixie will leave a Sentry gun to guard the intelligence room, along with Vinyl Scratch." Vinyl, the Pyro, waved at the mention of her name. Since she had joined the team, Rarity had a tough time gauging her. Vinyl never removed her mask and goggles. Although she rarely spoke in school, Vinyl had stopped speaking entirely, only communicating through noises and mumbles. Rarity had theorized that she was inside her own little world inside that mask. Twilight reckoned the fumes from her flamethrower had gotten to her head.

"Once Trixie finishes her base, Hagity will scout the RED base to make sure there are no ambushes waiting for us. If you see anyone on RED who looks vulnerable, take them down like you did that last weakling." Rarity ground her teeth at the remark. "Rainbow Dash, you will go with Derpy and Shining Armor to retrieve the briefcase. Any questions?"

No one raised their hand. Twilight was particularly surprised how much this plan relied on the entire team.

"Then you may all leave." Trixie dismissed. The team filed out, back to their spots while they awaited the next morning.

Twilight cautiously approached Trixie. "I thought your plan is brilliant. It's just that I, well... uh..." Twilight stammered.

Trixie raised an eyebrow, "Are you surprised the all-knowing Trixie would put so much faith in you idiots?"

"Yeah." Twilight nodded.

Trixie moaned, "As much as Trixie thinks you are all incompetent losers, she understands that if we ever want to get out of here, we will have to work together."

Twilight nodded, "Good luck tomorrow." As she left, she saw a framed photograph on the wall. It had been taken the first day the group had arrived in the dustbowl. Everyone looked so much younger, happier. Rainbow Dash's eyes still burned with passion and hope. Rarity looked simply stunning in her hand-stitched tuxedo, her curled purple hair hanging delicately over the red carnation she wore on her lapel. Twilight looked so much younger. Her hair still had a clean shine to it, her purple eyes still shone with youth, even behind her new aviator sunglasses.

She looked in the mirror besides the picture. It must have been put there to depress the mercs, because all Twilight saw in her reflection was regret. Her eyes had gotten dull, and more bags than she cared to count had formed beneath them. She had almost forgotten the cigar in her mouth. Most of the group had taken to drinking, smoking, or both, since Flash Sentry's death. Her hair was a mess. Little bits stuck out from under her hat every which way, and any semblance of her graduation haircut had been lost to the last few unkempt months. Rarity was the only one who still looked halfway civilized, but even her anal approach to hygiene had not been able to stop innumerable snags and stains on her suits, and her hair had long ago lost its battle with growth. Twilight sighed, "We really do look like a bunch of crazed gunmen." She pushed the thought, as well as that of her old friends, from her mind. She had to make ready for tomorrow.

By eight PM, all traces of sunlight had totally faded from the southern landscape. Rarity sat by herself, looking up at the moon. She, like Twilight, had taken to smoking, but preferred cigarettes to the cigars preferred by the rest of her team. Twilight was on guard duty. She was snoozing in the roofed section of the balcony, at the platform's center. Rarity sat beside her, "It's a lovely night, isn't it?"

Twilight nodded. Rarity noticed she looked unusually gloomy.

"Is something the matter Twilight?" She asked, hoping the answer did not have anything to do with Flash Sentry.

"I saw that photo of us, from the first day we were here." Twilight sadly answered. "Is this worth it Rarity?"

"What do you mean? These jobs?"

Twilight nodded, "Yeah. These jobs."

Rarity sighed, taking a long draw on her cigarette. "No. Nothing is worth this."

Tears had begun welling up in Twilight's eyes, "We were all such good friends before we came here. But Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Sunset Shimmer, they're supposed to be enemies now."

"Not to mention what it has cost us as individuals," Rarity sighed, "Poor Rainbow Dash had her dreams crushed before her eyes. Nothing is worth your entire future."

Twilight peeked through her sniper scope. It seemed Sunset Shimmer and Fluttershy were having a similar conversation over on RED's side of the river. "What do you think will happen tomorrow?"

Rarity shrugged. "Who knows for sure? I just hope no one else gets seriously hurt."

"Rarity, I have a confession I need to make." Twilight whimpered.

"What is it dear?"

Twilight took a deep breath and pushed her hat back, "I'm going to retire after tomorrow. I can't take it anymore."

"I understand," Rarity smiled, a hint of the kindness that had endeared Rarity to Twilight many years ago, "And if it's any consolation, I will resign alongside you."

Twilight embraced Rarity, "Thank you. You are a true friend." The pendants they wore around their necks began to glow as the two wrapped their arms around each other.

"What is this?" Rarity held up the purple gem-shaped stone, which now gleamed with a bright light.

"I don't know!" Twilight exclaimed, "Our Harmony necklaces haven't reacted like this since we came here!"

"Perhaps it's a sign." Rarity closed her hand around the stone. "We have to do what is right for our friendship."

Twilight held the pink starburst in her hand, "We need to get in touch with the girls on RED. I think we should all leave. Soon."

Rarity gazed nervously down to the water below. She knew that in a few hours, the team would be using the sewer tunnels underneath the bridge to cross into RED's base. She shuddered. Tomorrow's battle would be the most intense action either of them had seen yet.

Author's Note

hey all! Thank you so much for reading this. As it stands, this is my first published work of any description, and I'm really excited to have this out to you guys. I would love to hear feedback, suggestions, or anything, so please, comment away! Your responses can help me get better at this!

Chapter 1- Under Attack

Sunset Shimmer awoke from her nap. Oh crap, how long was I out? She looked to the digital watch on her wrist, a lovely piece Rarity had made for her during the holidays last year. Despite the hate that had formed between the two alliances, Sunset had kept her watch. It was too beautiful to simply get rid of. A glorious sun had been painstakingly engraved and enameled onto the faceplate, each number on the dial marked in shining silver.

It was 1PM. Her guard shift should have ended half an hour ago. Strangely, no one else was on the balcony. Sunset looked around. The next shift was supposed to be the new girl, Adagio. She had only been there for a few days, but so far had proven herself dutiful reporting to her post on time.

Sunset looked across the river, and gasped in fear. Twilight had her sniper rifle pointed straight at her. Before she could react, Twilight Sparkle pulled the trigger.

Betrayed... Sunset Shimmer thought. She felt a horrendous pinch in her neck as she fell to the ground. She felt her consciousness begin to fade. Weakly, she groped at her neck, and felt a syringe embedded into her skin. Then, she blacked out, the last thing she felt was confusion.

* * *

"Excellent shot dear," Rarity congratulated, patting Twilight on the back, "Although you might have wanted to shoot before she saw you."

"Hey, I had to get a clear shot. I don't have many of these darts." Twilight retorted with annoyance.

Rarity pressed on, "I must ask though, what is in those syringes you have concocted?"

The answer could not have sounded more professional. "It is a highly complicated compound made of muscle relaxants and sleeping chemicals."

Rarity raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

Twilight sighed, "You got me, it's piss." She confessed.

"What? That is abhorrent!" Rarity exclaimed.

"I found a book on making Jarate when I arrived here." Twilight explained, "It's a chemical weapon called Jar-based Karate. I had to triple the size of my kidneys to be able to produce it, but I think it's totally worth it."

"There is a way to undo that, right?" Rarity asked, voice laden with concern.

"Don't worry, I'll figure out an antidote." Twilight reassured.

"What in the world possessed you to do something so completely asinine with your beautiful body?" The questions were becoming more frantic as Rarity kept posing them. Rarity knew no one was thinking at 100% of their capacities, but she had thought Twilight of all people would be smart enough to know such a procedure could never reasonably end well.

* * *

Applejack led her older brother as he hauled Sunset Shimmer's limp body into the locker room. Sunset was alive, just unconscious. She had instructed Big Mac to leave the dart where it was for the time being. She had heard horrible stories from Fluttershy about barbed syringes that rip at the skin when pulled out. Better leave it alone until Fluttershy could inspect it herself. After all, she was the RED medic.

The entire incident had put Applejack under no small amount of distress. Twilight never had made an attack on RED so long as they remained on their side of the bridge. Something suspicious was going on.

The sudden blare of a warning alarm confirmed her fears. Intruder alert! Intruder alert! BLU spy is in the base! Applejack froze. Spies. Rarity.

Since they had enlisted and separated, Rarity seemed to take no small amount of pleasure tormenting Applejack. Every sentry gun, dispenser, and teleporter she worked tirelessly to build seemed to meet the business end of one of her electro-sappers.

But while the destruction of property had put Rarity out of Applejack's good graces, it was her knife that she feared most. Rarity was the only person on either alliance to have killed. Flash Sentry may have been a vapid waste of space, but he was a teammate. Applejack had sworn Rarity would pay for his death.

Big Macintosh hoisted his minigun, an absurdly large weapon meant to be mounted on a car. "Ah better be goin, sis. Stay safe, ya hear?" He tussled her hair beneath her hat, and began walking out the door.

Applejack called out before the garage door closed, "Wait, Mac, ya done forgot yer lunch!" As a heavy, an indispensible part of his equipment was his lunch box. The metal case had been through hell and back, yet somehow the My Little Pony stickers he had put on the box had managed to avoid damage. Applejack rolled her eyes. Wasn't her brother too old to be watching kid shows?

No, he ain't. She thought. Her brother had, admittedly, the best way of coping with the stress of the job. Applejack and especially Pinkie Pie had taken to heavy drinking, and she was fairly sure that Zecora and Adagio were experimenting with drugs. Big Macintosh on the other hand had managed to preserve his sanity, and spare his strapping young body the destruction that the vices their teammates had turned to had wrought. If that was what kept his mind intact, then more power to him.

She tossed him his lunch box. Mac eagerly caught it, undoing the metal clasps, and drooling over its contents. Okay, maybe he has developed an addiction. She thought. Mac had, like the rest of the family, subsisted on a very apple-based diet before he had enlisted. But the lack of fruit in the desert had turned her brother to the Sandvich. Applejack had first thought the sandwiches had been laced with some sort of drug, because Mac certainly acted like he had an addiction. She had started packing his lunch herself to test her theory. As it turned out, Mac had formed a special bond with his Sandvich. He talked to them. Fluttershy knew very little about psychology, but she had postulated that his distress had caused him to form an emotional attachment to the Sandvich.

Not that AJ minded, but it was just the way he talked to it. Mac was big, but extremely shy. Very rarely did he speak to others, and that was usually in curt "Eeyups" and "Nopes". But Sandvich was different. He referred to it by name. He sang songs with it. She had once heard him ask it, "What was that Sandvich? Kill them all? GOOD IDEA!" Applejack had no idea how his sanity would fare, but if talking to his lunch and a horse named Dr. Whooves could keep him from snapping, without resorting to drugs, who was she to complain?

Mac walked off, humming a tune with his friend/lunch. Applejack saw Pinkie Pie following him, with her grenade launcher and a milk crate full of cider bottles in tow.

"Hey Pinkie! Where y'all headin?" Applejack asked.

Pinkie Pie turned to face her, eyebrow cocked in an angry scowl. "I thought ah told ya, the name's Tarvish, lass!" Applejack groaned. She had forgotten about Pinkie's persona. Big Mac may have resorted to a children's television show and talking to food, but Pinkie Pie's "coping method" was far more bizzare. She demanded that everyone address her as "Tavish Finnegan DeGroot." The name made Applejack's head spin. Too damn many weird syllables. When she remembered, Applejack just called her Tarvs. When she forgot, Pinkie gave her the dirtiest look Applejack had ever seen.

It was bad enough without her costume. Pinkie had began wearing eyepatches all the time, despite having two perfectly good eyeballs in her head. She had stashes of the everywhere back home in case of, what did she call it? A pirate emergency?

Beyond that, Pinkie had glued fake mutton chops to her face, and was talking in a fake, and incredibly annoying Scottish brogue that drove everyone crazy.

Applejack sighed. She couldn't be too hard on Pinkie. She had learned during one of Pinkie's drunken tirades that her bombastic personality was only a cover-up. Everything, from her fun-loving personality, to her passion for parties, to her recently-acquired alcoholism, were all hiding a heart consumed by sadness. Pinkie revealed that she had left home as a kid and came into the Canterlot School District. She had been taken in by the Cakes, the owners of the town bakery, and had lived with them since elementary school.

There was more to the story than Applejack knew, but at that point Pinkie's words had turned into utter gibberish. Applejack doubted even her Great Uncle Cider Barrel could have understood what she was saying, and Drunk might has well have been his native language.

"Ye betta get tha tushie o yers down to the intelligence room." Pinkie slurred, "Them thunderin' twits from BLU are comin for it!"

"Will do 'Tarvish,'" Applejack yelled. Pinkie started on another bottle of cider. She shuddered. Applejack had no idea how Pinkie Pie had not killed herself with her bombs, drunk as she was. Were it not for her uncanny reaction speed and unnatural good luck, Pinkamena D. Pie would surely be dead.

Applejack exited the locker room, and turned right, taking the spiralling ramp down into the intelligence room. The room was bare save for the desk, upon which sat the intelligence. There were two doors that led into the room, both on the far side of the room from the briefcase.

In the corner between the doors, Applejack had built her sentry gun. It was a formidable turret on a tripod with two miniguns and a rocket launcher on top. No one was taking that case on her watch.

Applejack opened her toolbox to set up the mechanical louge chair inside. The case was stocked well with cider, and she helped herself to a bottle. Just as she sat down, the lights went off in the room, leaving Applejack in total darkness.

"What they hay? Is anyone there?" She asked fearfully. This was not good. She was alone, all alone. She carried a shotgun for defense, but almost any of the BLU mercenaries would be more than a match for her. It's alright. I just gotta stick with this 'ere sentry.

As she thought to herself, she heard the unmistakable sound of an electro-sapper. She sprang towards it, wrench in hand, hoping to bash the thing off before-

The sentry gun exploded into dozens of metal pieces. Uh oh. Applejack gulped. This was about to get unpleasant.

Applejack felt a cold hand on her back. She turned around slowly. She stammered, and felt a warmness growing in her overalls. Standing before her, wearing a blue ski mask and suit, was Rarity.

"It has been a long time darling." She said, as she plunged something sharp into Applejack's neck.

Applejack reeled in pain. Ugh, this smells like piss. Whatever Rarity had stabbed her with, it had obviously been poisoned. Applejack tried to stand, but her legs had become wobbly. Her vision was darting in and out of focus as she watched helplessly as Rarity grabbed the case.

The debonair agent walked to Applejack and smiled, "We will be seeing each other soon, darling." Rarity planted a kiss on her cheek, and walked out, leaving Applejack on the floor to collapse.