Cooking with the Author and OCby Blue BreezeChaptersIt BeginsLights, Camera, ActionEpisode 1: ChimicherrychongasEpisode 2: Ice's Birthday CakeThe ReturnIt BeginsAuthor's Note: I HIGHLY recommend reading my other stories, or at least 'Continuing the Dream' to understand what's going on in this story. Other than that, let the disaster begin. Now, on with the story(I love this gag). (Picture of me.) This is probably the worst idea to ever come to Equestria. A human author hosting a cooking show with his OC. That's idiotic. So, why is it happening? Because I don't give any fucks. This is something I've wanted to do for a long time, and damn it, I'm gonna do it. I prepare the cameras and lights as Blue Breeze just stands there and scowls at me. Glad to see he's along for the ride. "Okay, ten seconds to show time, Blue." I say. "Tim, there is no way I'm getting infront of that camera." he says. "Why not?" "Why not?! This is your stupid dream, not mine. You still have yet to make mine happen." "Where would the fun in that be?" Blue facehoofs. "Ugh, how did this whole mess even start in the first place?" "Well, my blue friend, allow me to show you through the power of flashback." "Oh great." In the beginning... Well, of this story's plot at least I sit at my laptop as I finish publishing yet another chapter of one of my stories for nearly the one hundreth time. "And... publish." I say to myself. "Well... now what?" I get up from my couch and head into the kitchen to grab a soda. I think to myself as I am now bored. 'Writing fanfiction is fun and all, and I love writing stuff for my fans, but it sure gets boring once I'm done. Plus, while I love writing my current stories, it does get kinda dull to just keep going at the same story or stories about the same character for so long. Maybe I should do something different, but a bit more than just those movie reviews I do on my blog. What to do? What to do? I'm not exactly that good at writing outside those stories, but I feel like something different.' I tap my chin as I onder over what to do. Crossover? Nah. Human in Equestria? Been done to death. Gore fic? Hell no. Clop? No fucking way! 'Man, thinking outside my element is hard. Maybe I'll just do a quick movie review real fast.' I take a seat down as I begin typing up my next blog. As I write, it finally hits me. 'Wait, I've got it! If I can use my author powers to pull Blue Breeze out into this world for the reviews, then I should also be able to use them to put myself in Equestria.' I stop my idea for a second as a thought comes to mind. 'But I don't wanna do just any old Human in Equestria story. I want this to be unique.' I start thinking again as I try to come up with a Human in Equestria story that's never been done, or at the very least I've never seen, before. "Ding." I say, immitating the noise a lightbulb makes like in the cartoons. Now, I've got my idea. Blue and the gang are just gonna love this. And if they don't, oh well, I'm the author, it's my story. Now, to get to Equestria. How am I gonna do that, you ask. It's magic. I ain't gotta explain shit. Over in Equestria Blue Breeze, Zephyr, Ice, and Drax all sit at their house, bored out of their minds. For them either things or too crazy, or things are too boring. They can never really seem to catch a break. Suddenly, Blue gets this strange feeling. "Huh." he says. "What is it, Blue?" Zephyr asks him. "Suddenly I got this strange feeling that I need to go out to the edge of town. I don't know why though." "Yeah, me too." "Me three." Ice says. "It's strange. So do I." Drax says. The four stallions get up from their seats, not really knowing why, but going on their way out to the edge of town. As they walk, Blue tries to think of what could be causing these strange feelings of theirs. He has one idea, and if he's right, there's gonna be hay to pay. Back on Earth I smile to myself. "Alright, they're on their way over. Guess I better go inside to meet 'em." I say to myself. Using my abilities as an author, I insert myself into Equestria, in the middle of Ponyville to be exact. I look around and see a bunch of ponies frozen in place from fear. Shit! I forgot Blue Breeze is the only one who I've revealed myself to. Guess I should've thought that out better. "The horror! The horror!" Lily shouts over-dramatically. Damn it! From her little freak out, everypony around starts running inside their houses, locking their doors and pulling in their welcome mats too. Why do they take their mats in anyway? It's already pretty obvious I'm not welcome. I sigh to myself as I start walking down to where I had Blue and the others go to. "One minute here and things are already going bad. Oh well. If this doesn't work, I can always just erase their memories." Over towards the outside of town, Blue and his friends run into the rest iof their group: Vinetion, Fern, Orion, Dark Lightning, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Octavia, Vinyl, Spitfire, and Fleur . Geez, is that a mouth-full and a half. Everypony looks at each other in confusion, now more confused as to what's going on than ever before. "What is everypony doing out here?" Blue asks the group. "No bucking clue, man. I just had this feeling in the back of my head telling me to come out here." Dark says. Everypony else starts saying the same thing to one another. Blue taps his chin as he thinks. His eyes widen as he realizes it. "Oh no. Please tell me this isn't his doing." "Who, Blue? What are you thinking?" Dash asks him. He sighs in exasperration. "Tim." "Well, I'm glad to see you remember me, Blue." I say as I walk up behind them. Everypony turns around and looks at me as if I am an alien, which to them I pretty much am. "Well, it's pretty hard to forget your creator." he says. "Creator?! What the buck does that mean?!" Zephyr asks. "And is he a human? I thought humans were just a myth." Vine says. "Ah, far from it, my dear Vinetion. We humans are quite real and plentiful. Isn't that right, Blue?" "Alright, you better start talking before I start holding Equestria's first human funeral!" Dash threatens. "Calm down, Dash. Tim may be annoying, but he's pretty harmless." "Yes, allow me to explain to you all." I begin telling them about Earth and it's many wonders. I tell them about My Little Pony, which gives them all a huge surprise. I get an even more surprised crowd when I tell some of them that they are OC's created by people I'm good friends with. "And that's basically it." I finish. "Wow. That's incredible. A world outside of Equestria that fully knows about it and watches it." Twilight says. "I'm still skeptical. Is that really true?" Vine says. I look at Blue and we exchange nods. "It's all true, Vine. I've seen it myself." he says. "Well, if you say so, but that doesn't really explain why you're here." she says to me. "Ah, I'm glad you asked. Everypony, I have come here to Equestria to start my very own cooking show with Blue Breeze." They all look at me with their mouths agape in complete in shock. Yeah, I guessed they would react like that. Only question is, what are they gonna say next? Lights, Camera, Action"WHAT?!" everypony shouts to me at once. I recoil and rub my ears from how loud it is. Yeah, that's pretty much the initial reaction I was expecting. I mean, how would you react if someone or something you didn't know just came to you and said he's going to host a cooking show with one of your friends? ...This whole situation is really weird when you think about it. Oh well. It's My Little Pony fanfiction. There's been weirder stuff. I straighten myself up. "It's exactly what it sounds like. I'm trying to do something different for both myself and fanfiction in general. I figured doing a cooking show, something I've always wanted to do, would be a great way to do it. Plus, this'll make it so audience members can be much more involved. And since it's gonna be a real show, even the residents of Equestria will get some entertainment out of it." "Wait, so does that mean the audience is watching us right now?" Blue asks. "Yep, they sure are. Just look." I say, pointing at you all. Fear my powers! Everypony looks at where I'm pointing and notices the audience. "Oh, yeah, there they are. Hey, guys." Blue says, giving a wave. "Well, that's all well and good, but what makes you think I'm gonna do this?" he says to me. "Whether or agree or I have to force you, you're gonna do it." "Oh, come on! Isn't it enough you pull me out of here all the time to do those stupid movie reviews and blogs?" "Nah, those things don't get enough exposure. Besides, I thought it was about time I finally came to Equestria." "Oh, and I'm SO glad you did, Timmy! I've been wanting to meet you for so so so so long, and now I finally have!" Pinkie says really fast, bouncing around in excitement. "We just gotta throw a party! It can be a 'First Human in Equestria and New Cooking Show' party! It'll just be so awesome and-" I clamp her mouth shut with a hand. "I'm glad to be here too, Pinkie. But no parties. I've got plans, and you, my little hyper, over-active bouncing ball of cotton candy, need to help me with those plans." She gasps as I let go of her mouth. "What do I need to do?! What do I need to do?!" "I need you to convince the cakes to let us use Sugarcube Corner as our filming set." "Why there?" Blue asks. "Closest big kitchen I know of." Pinkie gives a salute. "I'm on it, Timmy. You can count on me." Pinkie leaves a thick trail of dust behind her as she zooms off as intructed. "Heh, gotta love her." I say, smiling. I turn back to the rest of the group. "So, does anypony know where I can get a camera and lights to set this up. I'm kinda broke." "Um, yeah, I could lend you some stuff to use." Vinyl says a bit hesitantly. "Really? Thanks a lot, Vinyl." "Sure, no problem." "Good, we're all set then. Well... except for one little thing." "What did you do?" Blue says seriously. "I kinda just popped in the middle of town and scared everypony inside because they thought I was a monster." "Really? I mean, it's not like we don't have a bunch of 5'9 clothed, hairless apes walking around. Those are almost as common as dogs." "Just come tell them that I'm not a monster. We're not gonna get anywhere if everypony is afriad of me." He sighs in defeat. "I guess I have no choice." "Tell you what, Blue. How about the first food we make is chimicherrychongas?" "Chimicherrychongas?" he says quietly. "Buck yeah, I'll do it!" "Glad to see your enthusiasm. The rest of you get the equipment and meet us at Sugarcube Corner." They nod as we turn and follow after Pinkie. Coming up to the town, ponies have now come back out. Seeing me they get scared again. "The horror! The ho-" Lily starts saying before Blue shuts her up. "Lily, just calm down. Now, you promise to be quiet?" she nods. Blue lets go her mouth. "Good. Now, I promise you all, he isn't a monster. This is my friend, Tim. I know him very well and I can assure you he's friendly. I mean, he's so nice he won't even get mad if you sock him in the gut." "Wait, wha-OOF!" Blue cuts me off as he punches me in the stomach. I resist the urge to strangle him right there. "See? What'd I tell ya? Super friendly." Everypony smiles and nods to each other as they each agree about my harmlessness. I pull Blue next to me and whidper in his ear. "I'm gonna get you for that." I let him go as we continue our walk down to the giant gingerbread-looking building. As we walk through, the bell on the door jingles and we see Pinkie talking with Carrot Cake and Cupcake. "Hey, guys." Pinkie says. "It's all set. They said yes." "Wait, so you two aren't freaked out by me?" I ask. "Well, it definitely is strange for you to be here, but Pinkie has been talking about humans for a long time now. We figured it was only a matter of time before one showec up." Cupcake says. "Huh, lucky me then. Well, I really appreciate it. We'll try not to make a mess." "Or burn it down." Blue says. "Burn it down?" Carrot Cake says worriedly. "Hehehe, ignore him." "Well, we'll let you kids get to it. Have fun." Cupcake says as the married couple leaves. As they leavem, Drax, Dark, Zephyr, and Orion come back holding the equipment, Drax carrying the camera while the rest each held a few lights. "We're back." Drax says. "Great. Just in time too. Just set the camera down over in the kitchen. I want the rest of you to take the lights and set them up on the celing in there." They nod as they carry it all in. "Everything is going just as planned." End of flashback "You know that question I asked? It was rhetorical. I remember how this happened." Blue says. "Yeah, I know. But it was needed to let the viewers know what happened." I say. "But I thought you said they were watching before." "Yes, but this story started with us already here." "Bit, I, you said, that-Oh, never mind." "Come on, Blue. Get in the spirit of things." "How can I when I'm being forced to do this?" "Hey, I said we could make your dreasy heart-attacks first, didn't I?" "Heart-attacks?! Why I oughtta-" "No time. We're about to start." I take Blue and push him in view of the camera. "Lights, camera, action bitches!" Episode 1: ChimicherrychongasBlue and I stand infront of the camera as it turns on for the show to start. Dis gon' b gud. Let me get my chair. Wait, I need to do this first. Chair later. "Welcome, everypony. I'm Tim." I say with enthusiasm. "And I'm Blue Breeze." Blue says with less then enthusiasm. He'll come around. "And welcome to Blue and Tim's Kitchen." "Really?" "What is it now?" "Blue and Tim's Kitchen? All you did was change movie theater to kitchen. Couldn't you be a little more creative?" "Give me a break, okay? I was stressed for time and couldn't think of anything else." "Whatever." I look at the camera. "Professionalism at its finest here, folks." luckily none of this is live as we don't have a timeslot yet, so anything can be taken out in editing. Only question is, do I want to? ...Nah. "Anyway, this is our brand new cooking show that I came up with." "And I was forced into." "Hehe, ignore him. He's just cranky because he hasn't been changed yet." "I'm going to murder you." "As I was saying, this is our brand new cooking show. We'll be doing episodes every so often for you all. We'll even be taking requests and having guest stars later on." "Hooray." Blue fake cheers. "For our first episode, we shall be making chimicherrychongas. Blue's favorite." "Oh, you bet it is." Blue says, now smiling and slightly drooling. "Glad to see your sudden excitement." "Less talk, more chimicherrychongas!" "Alright, alright. First we start by..." my eyes widen as I realize something. "What is it, Tim?" I facepalm. "We forgot to get the ingredients." "How could you forget those?!" "It's all a work in progress, man. Just go get the ingredients!" "Fine, you stay here and entertain the camera." "You got it." as Blue leaves to get the ingredients for the dish, I awkwardly smile and rub the back of my head to the camera. "So, did you hear the one about the priest and the rabbi walking into a bar together?" I go to tell the joke. "...I'm so sorry about that joke." As I still wait for Blue to get back, I try all sorts of things. I tell more stupid jokes, I hurt myself, I even do that trick where you put a finger over your thumb and make it look like you're pulling off your finger. Yeah, I was that desperate. I grunt as I start getting impatient. "Good help is so hard to find these days." "I'm back." I hear Blue say as I see him balancing a bunch of cooking ingredients in his forelegs. "Little help? I can't see." "Woah, don't drop it!" I say as I quickly rush in and grab some before they fall. "Phew. That was a close one." "Yeah, nice catch." "Thanks." "So, what did you do while I was gone?" "Just did some stuff to entertain the camera like you said. Nothing much." "Please tell me you didn't tell the one about the priest and the rabbi." I look up to the ceiling. "No, of course not." He facehoofs. "Ugh, what am I gonna do with you?" "Hold me and tell me you love me?" "Ew, you wish, freak." "Anyway, it's about time we got started." "Yep, I'm on it." "Ah ah ah. Not so fast." "What?" "Got to wash our hands and hooves first." "Oh, right." Always important to wash up before cooking, kids. Yep, this show isn't only entertaining, it's also educational. It's edutainment! Ugh, I hate when shows say that. After cleaning up, I take the cherries and dump them into a big pot. "First thing's first, we need to mash the cherries up for the filling." "I'm on it. Oh, I do so love this part." Blue walks up to the pot and starts using his hooves to mash up the cherries better than my normal hands could. As he does this, cherry paste starts flying around. "Hey, watch it!" I say as some hits me on the face. "Oops. Sorry." he comes over to me and licks it off like Scooby Doo. "Hmm, tasty." "Yuck! I feel like I need a shower now!" "That can wait. This first. Next is to add the sugar in." Blue grabs a half cup of sugar and poors it in. "And now the cornstarch." he does the same with a teaspoon of cornstarch. Isn't this just rivetting? I have goosebumps all over right now. I grab the pot and set it on top of a stove. "Next is setting this on a stove at medium heat." I turn the knob on the stove and let a medium-sized flame sit under the pot. "Now to let that simmer for a few minutes. In the mean time let's get the oil going." "I'm on it." Blue says, pulling out a mini-deepfryer and a container of peanut oil. "Good. You know I have a deathly nut allergy." "At least that means no one will call you gay." "Oh, haha. Very funny." "I thought it was." Blue plugs in the deepfryer and fills it with oil. He turns the knob again. "Now, let's check on that mash." He goes over and looks at it. "Seems done to me." he pulls out a bunch of tortillas in plastic wrap. "Now to wrap 'em up." I grab the tortillas from him. "Blue, I thought I said no store brand." "Sorry, I was stressed for time and couldn't think of anything else." he says in a mocking voice. "I'll get you for this later." "I'm sure of it." "Just start filling them up." "Can do, capitan!" he says with a salute. He takes the tortillas and mash and fills up the tortillas. He then rolls them all individually, making about a dozen. "Now to put this in the fryer for a minute." he takes them and carefully places them in. "Remember to be careful with this part, folks. Hot oil is very dangerous." "I'm sure you don't need to be a rocket scientist to know that." "Shut up." After a few minutes, I get the chimicherrychongas out of the oil, but I unknowingly drag the nearby curtain into the still hot oil. "Looks good." I say. "I'll say." Blue says, nearly drooling over them. He sniffs at the air, smelling smoke. "And that does it for our first episode of Blue and Tim's Kitchen." "Tim." "Not now, Blue. We hope you enjoyed it." "Tim!" "Shh, Blue. Now, if any of you want, you can submit your very own recipes for us to do. So, until next time-" "TIM!" "What is it, Blue?!" "The curtains are on fire." he says, pointing at them. "Oh." I say. "Fire! Run! Head for the hills! Create a working telephone system and call nine one one!" I shout, running around in a frenzy. Blue facehoofs again. Blue and I sit together as we watch over the recorded footage. "That has got to be the worst thing you have ever involved me in." Blue says. "What? You're crazy." "I'm crazy?! You're the one who nearly burned down Sugarcube Corner!" "That was an accident. Besides, I think the audience will love it. You just wait and see. We'll have people loving us in no time." Author's Note: Well, wasn't that an awesome first episode? Anyway, if you want to submit a recipe, you need to PM me the food you want with either a fully instructed recipe, or a link to one. I shall accept no less! Episode 2: Ice's Birthday CakeBlue and I get into frame as the camera starts up. "Hey, guys. Welcome back for the second episode of Blue and Tim's Kitchen." I say. "Yippee." Blue says, again with a fake cheer. "We thank you guys a lot for all the feedback we got after episode one. You guys really seem to like this." "What is wrong with you people to even like this junk?" I smack him upside the head. "Don't insult the audience. They are very nice to like this crap." "So, you admit this show sucks?" "Oh, without a doubt. But if people like it, then I'm not gonna complain about it." "You would do that." "Indeed, I would. But anyway, today is Ice's birthday, and we're here to celebrate." "Yeah, dude really needs it after the kind of life he's had." "No kidding. That's why on today's episode we shall be making Ice a super special birthday cake." Out of nowhere as usual, Pinkie pops up between us. "And I'm gonna be setting up the super special awesome terrific spectacular party!" she says really fast. "There's gonna be games and music and dancing and-" I cut her off with a hand. "We get it, Pinkie. It sounds awesome, but we don't have much time. You go set it up while we bake." "Okie Dokie Lokie!" she then bounces off cheerfully, humming to herself with glee. "Anyway, while all this is going on over here, we're having the others keep Ice busy as to not ruin the surprise." "Yeah, I wonder what they're doing right now anyways." Blue says. Out in town Drax holds Ice as Dark gets ready for the birthday beating, Zephyr and Orion watching from a distance. "Dark, you sure about this?" Zeph asks him. "Sure I'm sure. Everypony gets a birthday beating." he says. Ice gulps. "Remind me again, why are we doing this, and how many times do I get punched?" "Everypony gets a beating every birthday. Well, every colt does anyway. You get one punch for every year. How old are you again?" "Nineteen." "Oh, then this is gonna be fun." Dark cracks his joints as he walks closer, Ice shaking in fear at the sight of it. Back in the kitchem "OW!" "Oop, looks like we know now." I say. "Yep, Dark would do that." "Anyway, time to get this party started." "But this isn't the party. The party's afterwards." "Just shut up and work with me." "You mad, brony?" I just grumble as I wash my hands before the cooking starts. Notice how I keep switching between saying cooking and baking? Yeah, who cares? "For today's cake, we're using none other than the very recipe for the Portal cake." "Just for all you game nerds out there, which I'm guessing is about ninety percent of you." "You have no idea how right you are. Anyway, we're not going into as much detail, so we shall be providing a link to the recipe below." "He's basically saying he's lazy." "And going into detail would be boring for the viewers." Recipe for your very own Portal cake. "Now, time to get started. And this time we actually made sure to get the ingredients ahead of time." "Don't want a another incident like last episode." he looks at me in annoyance. "Hey, I said I was sorry afterwards." "Let's just move on, shall we?" "Right, first thing is to preheat the oven." I turn thr knob and then walk over to a bowl full of ingredients. "While that's heat, I'll mix together the dry ingredients." "And I'll be mixing the sugar and shortening." Blue says as he begins mixing another bowl. "Just make sure to be careful this time. I don't want any more licks fom you, Scooby Blue." "I bet you think you're clever, don't you?" "The fans sure think so. Just check the comments I get on these things." "Think you ought to leave the fourth-wall alone?" "NEVER!" I shout, raising my spoon in the air. "Well, now that my mixing is done, time to add in some eggs. Blue pulls out two eggs, cracks them open, and adds in their yolk. "Great, yet another thing I can't eat because of my allergies." "Sucks to be you." after beating for a bit, Blue grabs some vanilla extract tand puts a bit in the mixture before he starts beating it gain. "Yeah, beat that like you beat Rainbow Dash." "Or how like you beat your meat." I made this guy too good at comebacks. After a bit of beating, we start slowly adding in the dry ingedients mixture I made and mix them til combined. "Okay, now to put these in our pre-greased cakepans." Oh yeah, did I mention we greased up cakepans? 'Cause we did. Oh well. Follow the recipe, not us. We pour the batter in and put the pans in the oven "Okay, now we just wait about thirty five minutes." "...So, what are we gonna do til then?" Thirty five minutes later "Got any twos?" I ask Blue, as we have been playing Go Fish this entire time. "Go fish." "You're not cheating, are you?" I say, raising an eyebrow. He nervously laughs. The timer goes off. "Oh, the batters ready!" "You got lucky!" I yell as he dashes to the oven. He takes the two layers out, making sure to use oven mits. "Looks great. Now to let 'em cool." After a few minutes of nothing happening, he take the layers and cut them in half. "Now to sprinkle these with kirsch, or cherry liqueur." We sprinkle the layers and then grabbed a can of cherries and pour it into a colander, making sure to dump out most of the juices. "You do that while I do more beating." Blue says. He starts mixing together sugar with whippedcream. After beating a bit, he puts it to the side and uses the remaining cream to mix with coacoa powder. Is this getting boring yet? I can't really help that. "Now it's time to work the layers." I say, cracking my fingers. I grab a layer and spread some whippedcream on it and top it with cherries cherries. I do this for the first three layers, stacking each on top of each other.. After we run out of cherries, we take the final layer and stack it on, using the remaining frosting to coat it. "Time to cream on this bitch!" "Epic Pie Time used it first." Blue says. "Shut up." I then grab a chocolate bar and start shaving it over the cake. "Nothing like a good shaving." "Lame joke is lame." "I said shut up." We take more whippedcream and make small circles on the top. We then finish off by adding cherries to each circle. "And there we go. We have our very own Portal birthday cake." "Ah ah ah. Don't forget the candle." "Oh, of course." I grab a candle and put it in the denter. "And now we're done." "Thank you all for watching. Now, if you'll excuse us, we've got a birthday party to go to." Some time later Ice walks to Sugarcube Corner, a blindfold around his face. "You're almost there, Ice." Blue says. "This better be good. This birthday has sucked so far." "Oh, don't you worry. It'll be good." As the two enter, Blue takes off Ice's blinfold. "SURPRISE!" everypony shouts. "Happy birthday, Ice!" Ice gets a huge smile on his face. "Aw, you guys are the best." I come in wheeling out the cake. "And here's your special birthday cake." "No way!" "Blow out the candle and make a wish." He takes a deep breath and blows, blowing out the small flame. Everypony cheers. This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: huge success. Okay, I'll stop. The ReturnAuthor's Note: Damn, been a while since I've done this, huh? Hehe.... well, it's not like you guys care about this anyway, right? But I'm so bored to the point where coming back to this sounds like fun. As you can expect from this story, things will get crazy. Now, on to the craziness. I get home from a day a fun filled day of going to the movies with some of my friends and seeing The Amazing Spiderman. ..Okay, I lied. I went to the movies by myself. ...I lied again. I actually just went to the theater, but I didn't have enough money to buy a ticket. So I tried sneaking in, but got caught and was kicked out. Okay, FINE. I stayed at home all day and didn't go anywhere special. HAPPY?! *sigh* Anyway, I log onto fimfiction to check for any updates as of late, whether it be story updates, PM's, or notifications from fans. "Okay, more crappy clopfics posted on the front. Nothing of interest updated. No announcements from anyone. Some stories added to groups. OC submissions. Few comments from people about my fics." I say as I nonchalantly surf the internet. I raise an eyebrow while looking at comments. "Still don't know why everyone's lying to me about my fics being awesome, but whatever. How are the stories themselves doing?" I click the stories tab and look through my fics. I know this is incredibly exciting, but don't ruin your pants just yet. I raise an eyebrow as I spot one fic in particular. "Cooking with the Author and OC?" I think over for a few moments before my brain clicks into place and my eyes widen. I facepalm in epic failure. "Oh, shit. I completely forgot about this one. How long has it been since the last time I updated this anyway?" I click on it and facepalm once again as I look at the date of the last chapter. "Damn, two months?" a smile grows on my face as I crack my knuckles in preparation. "We'll just have to fix that then, won't we?" I hope Blue is ready for a surprise visit. I know he's not, but a guy can hope anyway. In Equestria Blue Breeze sits in a chair on the opposite side of a table from Rainbow Dash, the two of them being on a daytime date at the Olive's Garden restaurant and sitting at the outside of the restaurant. They're about to regret not taking a table inside, I promise you that. Blue and Dash smile as they gaze at each other with their hooves on the table. Blue grabs a hay fry from off the plate on the table and looks at Dash knowingly. "Would you like a fry, ma' lady?" he takes it and sticks it between his teeth while pointing the other end at her. She giggles before giving him a seductive look. "Oh, I'd love a fry." Then lean closer together as Dash bites down at the other end. With each holding one end, they start inching their mouths closer and closer. While that... I don't even know what to call it is going on, I appear in the middle of town and dust myself off as I stand up from my crouching position. As I dust off myself, I look around to see ponies looking at my sudden appearance, but shrug as they go on about their business. I smirk as I think to myself. 'Good, they all remember still. I did NOT want to go through all that nonsense again.' I quit my smirking as I narrow my eyes and look around the area for a sign of Blue. 'Now, where could he be?' "Hey, Tim. What's up?" a voice I recognize as Zephyr's says out of nowhere. "Jesus Christ!" I say as I jump back and grab my chest. He raises an eyebrow at me as I breath heavily. "Who?" I stop as I glare up at him. "Don't freakin' do that, man! Nearly gave me a heart attack!" "Sorry. Just saw that you showed up and, with me loving speed, I wanted to say hi as quickly as I could." I sigh heavily. "Well, hey to you too." my eyes light up as I get the most obvious idea in the world. "Actually, it's a good thing you showed up when you did. Can you tell me where Blue is right now?" "Sure. He's over at the Olive's Garden with Dash right now. Cooking show again, right?" "You bet. Thanks a lot, Zeph." With my destination found, I dash off to go find Blue as fast as possible so we can get this show back on the road... or I guess the air in this case. Air, get it? Because it's his power? It's also my failed attempt at comedy. ...I am so alone. I run around town for a bit until I eventually spot the yellow and blue pegasus munching on a fry with Rainbow Dash. "Got ya." Blue and Dash, completely oblivious to their surroundings, continue to inch closer with the fry still in each other's mouths. But right before their lips meet, I grab Blue by the scruff of his neck and pull him back, making him choke. "There you are, you lazy ass. Do you know how long I've been trying to find you?" He coughs as bits of fry spew out from his mouth. "What the buck, Tim?! *cough* I was eating something!" "No shit, Sherclop. It's nice to see you again too, by the way." He finishes coughing as he glares at me. "What the buck are you doing here?!" "I noticed it's been a long time since we did the cooking show, so I figured I'd drop by to do an episode." I explain, smirking at how much this is pissing him off. He facehoofs. "I was REALLY hoping you forgot about that." "Nope, just didn't feel like doing it, but now I do." "But what about Dash?" he asks, motioning to the grumpy mare. She growls. "You know what? Just go! i need my space anyway." she gets up from her chair and marches off in the other direction. "See you later, Blue." "No! Dash, wait!" he sulks in exasperation before looking at me, his red eyes almost blazing in anger. "Dude, not cool! Do know what I'll have to do to make up for that?!" I shrug. "Eh, she'll get over it. Now come on, we've got no time to waste. To Sugarcube Corner!" He crosses his forelegs. "Like I'm gonna ju-WOAH!" I cut him off as I grab him by the scruff of his neck again and drag him down the street as I run to the giant gingerbread goodie shop. We get there and I let Blue go as I go in to knock the door, but it flies open with Pinkie Pie standing there and smiling. "Oh, hey, Pinkie." I say, a bit surprised to see her. She grins at me before grabbing me in a big hug. "Timmy! It's been WAY too long since the last time you showed up. You really should do it more. Oh, we have so much to catch up on." I break out of the hug as I smile at her. "Yeah, Pinkie, sounds great, but not right now. We actually came here to-" "Host the next episode of your cooking show?" "Yeah, how did you-" I stop as I realize the answer. "Let me guess. Jittery back left leg combined with head shaking and eyes winking back and forth?" "Yeppers, you got it." "Wha?" Blue says as he looks at the both of us like we're crazy, which we are. "Her Pinkie Sense, duh." "Yep. It means another world that I haven't seen in a long time is coming to visit." "That's... oddly specific." "Hey, it's Pinkie Pie. We ain't gotta explain shit." "Come in, come in. I made sure the Cakes were out of the house and I even got all the equipment set up for you." Pinkie says as she pushes us inside. I look inside at the kitchen to see that indeed our lights and camera are all prepped and ready. I smile in satisfaction. "Well, looks like you've got no choice but to help now, Blue." He facehoofs and groans. "Ugh, fine. What were you going to have us make anyway?" "Well, we did your favorite food already, so I figured it's time we did my favorite food: pizza." "Oh, joy." he says sarcastically as he rolls his eyes. "You bet your flank. Now let's get this party started!"
It BeginsAuthor's Note: I HIGHLY recommend reading my other stories, or at least 'Continuing the Dream' to understand what's going on in this story. Other than that, let the disaster begin. Now, on with the story(I love this gag). (Picture of me.) This is probably the worst idea to ever come to Equestria. A human author hosting a cooking show with his OC. That's idiotic. So, why is it happening? Because I don't give any fucks. This is something I've wanted to do for a long time, and damn it, I'm gonna do it. I prepare the cameras and lights as Blue Breeze just stands there and scowls at me. Glad to see he's along for the ride. "Okay, ten seconds to show time, Blue." I say. "Tim, there is no way I'm getting infront of that camera." he says. "Why not?" "Why not?! This is your stupid dream, not mine. You still have yet to make mine happen." "Where would the fun in that be?" Blue facehoofs. "Ugh, how did this whole mess even start in the first place?" "Well, my blue friend, allow me to show you through the power of flashback." "Oh great." In the beginning... Well, of this story's plot at least I sit at my laptop as I finish publishing yet another chapter of one of my stories for nearly the one hundreth time. "And... publish." I say to myself. "Well... now what?" I get up from my couch and head into the kitchen to grab a soda. I think to myself as I am now bored. 'Writing fanfiction is fun and all, and I love writing stuff for my fans, but it sure gets boring once I'm done. Plus, while I love writing my current stories, it does get kinda dull to just keep going at the same story or stories about the same character for so long. Maybe I should do something different, but a bit more than just those movie reviews I do on my blog. What to do? What to do? I'm not exactly that good at writing outside those stories, but I feel like something different.' I tap my chin as I onder over what to do. Crossover? Nah. Human in Equestria? Been done to death. Gore fic? Hell no. Clop? No fucking way! 'Man, thinking outside my element is hard. Maybe I'll just do a quick movie review real fast.' I take a seat down as I begin typing up my next blog. As I write, it finally hits me. 'Wait, I've got it! If I can use my author powers to pull Blue Breeze out into this world for the reviews, then I should also be able to use them to put myself in Equestria.' I stop my idea for a second as a thought comes to mind. 'But I don't wanna do just any old Human in Equestria story. I want this to be unique.' I start thinking again as I try to come up with a Human in Equestria story that's never been done, or at the very least I've never seen, before. "Ding." I say, immitating the noise a lightbulb makes like in the cartoons. Now, I've got my idea. Blue and the gang are just gonna love this. And if they don't, oh well, I'm the author, it's my story. Now, to get to Equestria. How am I gonna do that, you ask. It's magic. I ain't gotta explain shit. Over in Equestria Blue Breeze, Zephyr, Ice, and Drax all sit at their house, bored out of their minds. For them either things or too crazy, or things are too boring. They can never really seem to catch a break. Suddenly, Blue gets this strange feeling. "Huh." he says. "What is it, Blue?" Zephyr asks him. "Suddenly I got this strange feeling that I need to go out to the edge of town. I don't know why though." "Yeah, me too." "Me three." Ice says. "It's strange. So do I." Drax says. The four stallions get up from their seats, not really knowing why, but going on their way out to the edge of town. As they walk, Blue tries to think of what could be causing these strange feelings of theirs. He has one idea, and if he's right, there's gonna be hay to pay. Back on Earth I smile to myself. "Alright, they're on their way over. Guess I better go inside to meet 'em." I say to myself. Using my abilities as an author, I insert myself into Equestria, in the middle of Ponyville to be exact. I look around and see a bunch of ponies frozen in place from fear. Shit! I forgot Blue Breeze is the only one who I've revealed myself to. Guess I should've thought that out better. "The horror! The horror!" Lily shouts over-dramatically. Damn it! From her little freak out, everypony around starts running inside their houses, locking their doors and pulling in their welcome mats too. Why do they take their mats in anyway? It's already pretty obvious I'm not welcome. I sigh to myself as I start walking down to where I had Blue and the others go to. "One minute here and things are already going bad. Oh well. If this doesn't work, I can always just erase their memories." Over towards the outside of town, Blue and his friends run into the rest iof their group: Vinetion, Fern, Orion, Dark Lightning, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Octavia, Vinyl, Spitfire, and Fleur . Geez, is that a mouth-full and a half. Everypony looks at each other in confusion, now more confused as to what's going on than ever before. "What is everypony doing out here?" Blue asks the group. "No bucking clue, man. I just had this feeling in the back of my head telling me to come out here." Dark says. Everypony else starts saying the same thing to one another. Blue taps his chin as he thinks. His eyes widen as he realizes it. "Oh no. Please tell me this isn't his doing." "Who, Blue? What are you thinking?" Dash asks him. He sighs in exasperration. "Tim." "Well, I'm glad to see you remember me, Blue." I say as I walk up behind them. Everypony turns around and looks at me as if I am an alien, which to them I pretty much am. "Well, it's pretty hard to forget your creator." he says. "Creator?! What the buck does that mean?!" Zephyr asks. "And is he a human? I thought humans were just a myth." Vine says. "Ah, far from it, my dear Vinetion. We humans are quite real and plentiful. Isn't that right, Blue?" "Alright, you better start talking before I start holding Equestria's first human funeral!" Dash threatens. "Calm down, Dash. Tim may be annoying, but he's pretty harmless." "Yes, allow me to explain to you all." I begin telling them about Earth and it's many wonders. I tell them about My Little Pony, which gives them all a huge surprise. I get an even more surprised crowd when I tell some of them that they are OC's created by people I'm good friends with. "And that's basically it." I finish. "Wow. That's incredible. A world outside of Equestria that fully knows about it and watches it." Twilight says. "I'm still skeptical. Is that really true?" Vine says. I look at Blue and we exchange nods. "It's all true, Vine. I've seen it myself." he says. "Well, if you say so, but that doesn't really explain why you're here." she says to me. "Ah, I'm glad you asked. Everypony, I have come here to Equestria to start my very own cooking show with Blue Breeze." They all look at me with their mouths agape in complete in shock. Yeah, I guessed they would react like that. Only question is, what are they gonna say next?
Lights, Camera, Action"WHAT?!" everypony shouts to me at once. I recoil and rub my ears from how loud it is. Yeah, that's pretty much the initial reaction I was expecting. I mean, how would you react if someone or something you didn't know just came to you and said he's going to host a cooking show with one of your friends? ...This whole situation is really weird when you think about it. Oh well. It's My Little Pony fanfiction. There's been weirder stuff. I straighten myself up. "It's exactly what it sounds like. I'm trying to do something different for both myself and fanfiction in general. I figured doing a cooking show, something I've always wanted to do, would be a great way to do it. Plus, this'll make it so audience members can be much more involved. And since it's gonna be a real show, even the residents of Equestria will get some entertainment out of it." "Wait, so does that mean the audience is watching us right now?" Blue asks. "Yep, they sure are. Just look." I say, pointing at you all. Fear my powers! Everypony looks at where I'm pointing and notices the audience. "Oh, yeah, there they are. Hey, guys." Blue says, giving a wave. "Well, that's all well and good, but what makes you think I'm gonna do this?" he says to me. "Whether or agree or I have to force you, you're gonna do it." "Oh, come on! Isn't it enough you pull me out of here all the time to do those stupid movie reviews and blogs?" "Nah, those things don't get enough exposure. Besides, I thought it was about time I finally came to Equestria." "Oh, and I'm SO glad you did, Timmy! I've been wanting to meet you for so so so so long, and now I finally have!" Pinkie says really fast, bouncing around in excitement. "We just gotta throw a party! It can be a 'First Human in Equestria and New Cooking Show' party! It'll just be so awesome and-" I clamp her mouth shut with a hand. "I'm glad to be here too, Pinkie. But no parties. I've got plans, and you, my little hyper, over-active bouncing ball of cotton candy, need to help me with those plans." She gasps as I let go of her mouth. "What do I need to do?! What do I need to do?!" "I need you to convince the cakes to let us use Sugarcube Corner as our filming set." "Why there?" Blue asks. "Closest big kitchen I know of." Pinkie gives a salute. "I'm on it, Timmy. You can count on me." Pinkie leaves a thick trail of dust behind her as she zooms off as intructed. "Heh, gotta love her." I say, smiling. I turn back to the rest of the group. "So, does anypony know where I can get a camera and lights to set this up. I'm kinda broke." "Um, yeah, I could lend you some stuff to use." Vinyl says a bit hesitantly. "Really? Thanks a lot, Vinyl." "Sure, no problem." "Good, we're all set then. Well... except for one little thing." "What did you do?" Blue says seriously. "I kinda just popped in the middle of town and scared everypony inside because they thought I was a monster." "Really? I mean, it's not like we don't have a bunch of 5'9 clothed, hairless apes walking around. Those are almost as common as dogs." "Just come tell them that I'm not a monster. We're not gonna get anywhere if everypony is afriad of me." He sighs in defeat. "I guess I have no choice." "Tell you what, Blue. How about the first food we make is chimicherrychongas?" "Chimicherrychongas?" he says quietly. "Buck yeah, I'll do it!" "Glad to see your enthusiasm. The rest of you get the equipment and meet us at Sugarcube Corner." They nod as we turn and follow after Pinkie. Coming up to the town, ponies have now come back out. Seeing me they get scared again. "The horror! The ho-" Lily starts saying before Blue shuts her up. "Lily, just calm down. Now, you promise to be quiet?" she nods. Blue lets go her mouth. "Good. Now, I promise you all, he isn't a monster. This is my friend, Tim. I know him very well and I can assure you he's friendly. I mean, he's so nice he won't even get mad if you sock him in the gut." "Wait, wha-OOF!" Blue cuts me off as he punches me in the stomach. I resist the urge to strangle him right there. "See? What'd I tell ya? Super friendly." Everypony smiles and nods to each other as they each agree about my harmlessness. I pull Blue next to me and whidper in his ear. "I'm gonna get you for that." I let him go as we continue our walk down to the giant gingerbread-looking building. As we walk through, the bell on the door jingles and we see Pinkie talking with Carrot Cake and Cupcake. "Hey, guys." Pinkie says. "It's all set. They said yes." "Wait, so you two aren't freaked out by me?" I ask. "Well, it definitely is strange for you to be here, but Pinkie has been talking about humans for a long time now. We figured it was only a matter of time before one showec up." Cupcake says. "Huh, lucky me then. Well, I really appreciate it. We'll try not to make a mess." "Or burn it down." Blue says. "Burn it down?" Carrot Cake says worriedly. "Hehehe, ignore him." "Well, we'll let you kids get to it. Have fun." Cupcake says as the married couple leaves. As they leavem, Drax, Dark, Zephyr, and Orion come back holding the equipment, Drax carrying the camera while the rest each held a few lights. "We're back." Drax says. "Great. Just in time too. Just set the camera down over in the kitchen. I want the rest of you to take the lights and set them up on the celing in there." They nod as they carry it all in. "Everything is going just as planned." End of flashback "You know that question I asked? It was rhetorical. I remember how this happened." Blue says. "Yeah, I know. But it was needed to let the viewers know what happened." I say. "But I thought you said they were watching before." "Yes, but this story started with us already here." "Bit, I, you said, that-Oh, never mind." "Come on, Blue. Get in the spirit of things." "How can I when I'm being forced to do this?" "Hey, I said we could make your dreasy heart-attacks first, didn't I?" "Heart-attacks?! Why I oughtta-" "No time. We're about to start." I take Blue and push him in view of the camera. "Lights, camera, action bitches!"
Episode 1: ChimicherrychongasBlue and I stand infront of the camera as it turns on for the show to start. Dis gon' b gud. Let me get my chair. Wait, I need to do this first. Chair later. "Welcome, everypony. I'm Tim." I say with enthusiasm. "And I'm Blue Breeze." Blue says with less then enthusiasm. He'll come around. "And welcome to Blue and Tim's Kitchen." "Really?" "What is it now?" "Blue and Tim's Kitchen? All you did was change movie theater to kitchen. Couldn't you be a little more creative?" "Give me a break, okay? I was stressed for time and couldn't think of anything else." "Whatever." I look at the camera. "Professionalism at its finest here, folks." luckily none of this is live as we don't have a timeslot yet, so anything can be taken out in editing. Only question is, do I want to? ...Nah. "Anyway, this is our brand new cooking show that I came up with." "And I was forced into." "Hehe, ignore him. He's just cranky because he hasn't been changed yet." "I'm going to murder you." "As I was saying, this is our brand new cooking show. We'll be doing episodes every so often for you all. We'll even be taking requests and having guest stars later on." "Hooray." Blue fake cheers. "For our first episode, we shall be making chimicherrychongas. Blue's favorite." "Oh, you bet it is." Blue says, now smiling and slightly drooling. "Glad to see your sudden excitement." "Less talk, more chimicherrychongas!" "Alright, alright. First we start by..." my eyes widen as I realize something. "What is it, Tim?" I facepalm. "We forgot to get the ingredients." "How could you forget those?!" "It's all a work in progress, man. Just go get the ingredients!" "Fine, you stay here and entertain the camera." "You got it." as Blue leaves to get the ingredients for the dish, I awkwardly smile and rub the back of my head to the camera. "So, did you hear the one about the priest and the rabbi walking into a bar together?" I go to tell the joke. "...I'm so sorry about that joke." As I still wait for Blue to get back, I try all sorts of things. I tell more stupid jokes, I hurt myself, I even do that trick where you put a finger over your thumb and make it look like you're pulling off your finger. Yeah, I was that desperate. I grunt as I start getting impatient. "Good help is so hard to find these days." "I'm back." I hear Blue say as I see him balancing a bunch of cooking ingredients in his forelegs. "Little help? I can't see." "Woah, don't drop it!" I say as I quickly rush in and grab some before they fall. "Phew. That was a close one." "Yeah, nice catch." "Thanks." "So, what did you do while I was gone?" "Just did some stuff to entertain the camera like you said. Nothing much." "Please tell me you didn't tell the one about the priest and the rabbi." I look up to the ceiling. "No, of course not." He facehoofs. "Ugh, what am I gonna do with you?" "Hold me and tell me you love me?" "Ew, you wish, freak." "Anyway, it's about time we got started." "Yep, I'm on it." "Ah ah ah. Not so fast." "What?" "Got to wash our hands and hooves first." "Oh, right." Always important to wash up before cooking, kids. Yep, this show isn't only entertaining, it's also educational. It's edutainment! Ugh, I hate when shows say that. After cleaning up, I take the cherries and dump them into a big pot. "First thing's first, we need to mash the cherries up for the filling." "I'm on it. Oh, I do so love this part." Blue walks up to the pot and starts using his hooves to mash up the cherries better than my normal hands could. As he does this, cherry paste starts flying around. "Hey, watch it!" I say as some hits me on the face. "Oops. Sorry." he comes over to me and licks it off like Scooby Doo. "Hmm, tasty." "Yuck! I feel like I need a shower now!" "That can wait. This first. Next is to add the sugar in." Blue grabs a half cup of sugar and poors it in. "And now the cornstarch." he does the same with a teaspoon of cornstarch. Isn't this just rivetting? I have goosebumps all over right now. I grab the pot and set it on top of a stove. "Next is setting this on a stove at medium heat." I turn the knob on the stove and let a medium-sized flame sit under the pot. "Now to let that simmer for a few minutes. In the mean time let's get the oil going." "I'm on it." Blue says, pulling out a mini-deepfryer and a container of peanut oil. "Good. You know I have a deathly nut allergy." "At least that means no one will call you gay." "Oh, haha. Very funny." "I thought it was." Blue plugs in the deepfryer and fills it with oil. He turns the knob again. "Now, let's check on that mash." He goes over and looks at it. "Seems done to me." he pulls out a bunch of tortillas in plastic wrap. "Now to wrap 'em up." I grab the tortillas from him. "Blue, I thought I said no store brand." "Sorry, I was stressed for time and couldn't think of anything else." he says in a mocking voice. "I'll get you for this later." "I'm sure of it." "Just start filling them up." "Can do, capitan!" he says with a salute. He takes the tortillas and mash and fills up the tortillas. He then rolls them all individually, making about a dozen. "Now to put this in the fryer for a minute." he takes them and carefully places them in. "Remember to be careful with this part, folks. Hot oil is very dangerous." "I'm sure you don't need to be a rocket scientist to know that." "Shut up." After a few minutes, I get the chimicherrychongas out of the oil, but I unknowingly drag the nearby curtain into the still hot oil. "Looks good." I say. "I'll say." Blue says, nearly drooling over them. He sniffs at the air, smelling smoke. "And that does it for our first episode of Blue and Tim's Kitchen." "Tim." "Not now, Blue. We hope you enjoyed it." "Tim!" "Shh, Blue. Now, if any of you want, you can submit your very own recipes for us to do. So, until next time-" "TIM!" "What is it, Blue?!" "The curtains are on fire." he says, pointing at them. "Oh." I say. "Fire! Run! Head for the hills! Create a working telephone system and call nine one one!" I shout, running around in a frenzy. Blue facehoofs again. Blue and I sit together as we watch over the recorded footage. "That has got to be the worst thing you have ever involved me in." Blue says. "What? You're crazy." "I'm crazy?! You're the one who nearly burned down Sugarcube Corner!" "That was an accident. Besides, I think the audience will love it. You just wait and see. We'll have people loving us in no time." Author's Note: Well, wasn't that an awesome first episode? Anyway, if you want to submit a recipe, you need to PM me the food you want with either a fully instructed recipe, or a link to one. I shall accept no less!
Episode 2: Ice's Birthday CakeBlue and I get into frame as the camera starts up. "Hey, guys. Welcome back for the second episode of Blue and Tim's Kitchen." I say. "Yippee." Blue says, again with a fake cheer. "We thank you guys a lot for all the feedback we got after episode one. You guys really seem to like this." "What is wrong with you people to even like this junk?" I smack him upside the head. "Don't insult the audience. They are very nice to like this crap." "So, you admit this show sucks?" "Oh, without a doubt. But if people like it, then I'm not gonna complain about it." "You would do that." "Indeed, I would. But anyway, today is Ice's birthday, and we're here to celebrate." "Yeah, dude really needs it after the kind of life he's had." "No kidding. That's why on today's episode we shall be making Ice a super special birthday cake." Out of nowhere as usual, Pinkie pops up between us. "And I'm gonna be setting up the super special awesome terrific spectacular party!" she says really fast. "There's gonna be games and music and dancing and-" I cut her off with a hand. "We get it, Pinkie. It sounds awesome, but we don't have much time. You go set it up while we bake." "Okie Dokie Lokie!" she then bounces off cheerfully, humming to herself with glee. "Anyway, while all this is going on over here, we're having the others keep Ice busy as to not ruin the surprise." "Yeah, I wonder what they're doing right now anyways." Blue says. Out in town Drax holds Ice as Dark gets ready for the birthday beating, Zephyr and Orion watching from a distance. "Dark, you sure about this?" Zeph asks him. "Sure I'm sure. Everypony gets a birthday beating." he says. Ice gulps. "Remind me again, why are we doing this, and how many times do I get punched?" "Everypony gets a beating every birthday. Well, every colt does anyway. You get one punch for every year. How old are you again?" "Nineteen." "Oh, then this is gonna be fun." Dark cracks his joints as he walks closer, Ice shaking in fear at the sight of it. Back in the kitchem "OW!" "Oop, looks like we know now." I say. "Yep, Dark would do that." "Anyway, time to get this party started." "But this isn't the party. The party's afterwards." "Just shut up and work with me." "You mad, brony?" I just grumble as I wash my hands before the cooking starts. Notice how I keep switching between saying cooking and baking? Yeah, who cares? "For today's cake, we're using none other than the very recipe for the Portal cake." "Just for all you game nerds out there, which I'm guessing is about ninety percent of you." "You have no idea how right you are. Anyway, we're not going into as much detail, so we shall be providing a link to the recipe below." "He's basically saying he's lazy." "And going into detail would be boring for the viewers." Recipe for your very own Portal cake. "Now, time to get started. And this time we actually made sure to get the ingredients ahead of time." "Don't want a another incident like last episode." he looks at me in annoyance. "Hey, I said I was sorry afterwards." "Let's just move on, shall we?" "Right, first thing is to preheat the oven." I turn thr knob and then walk over to a bowl full of ingredients. "While that's heat, I'll mix together the dry ingredients." "And I'll be mixing the sugar and shortening." Blue says as he begins mixing another bowl. "Just make sure to be careful this time. I don't want any more licks fom you, Scooby Blue." "I bet you think you're clever, don't you?" "The fans sure think so. Just check the comments I get on these things." "Think you ought to leave the fourth-wall alone?" "NEVER!" I shout, raising my spoon in the air. "Well, now that my mixing is done, time to add in some eggs. Blue pulls out two eggs, cracks them open, and adds in their yolk. "Great, yet another thing I can't eat because of my allergies." "Sucks to be you." after beating for a bit, Blue grabs some vanilla extract tand puts a bit in the mixture before he starts beating it gain. "Yeah, beat that like you beat Rainbow Dash." "Or how like you beat your meat." I made this guy too good at comebacks. After a bit of beating, we start slowly adding in the dry ingedients mixture I made and mix them til combined. "Okay, now to put these in our pre-greased cakepans." Oh yeah, did I mention we greased up cakepans? 'Cause we did. Oh well. Follow the recipe, not us. We pour the batter in and put the pans in the oven "Okay, now we just wait about thirty five minutes." "...So, what are we gonna do til then?" Thirty five minutes later "Got any twos?" I ask Blue, as we have been playing Go Fish this entire time. "Go fish." "You're not cheating, are you?" I say, raising an eyebrow. He nervously laughs. The timer goes off. "Oh, the batters ready!" "You got lucky!" I yell as he dashes to the oven. He takes the two layers out, making sure to use oven mits. "Looks great. Now to let 'em cool." After a few minutes of nothing happening, he take the layers and cut them in half. "Now to sprinkle these with kirsch, or cherry liqueur." We sprinkle the layers and then grabbed a can of cherries and pour it into a colander, making sure to dump out most of the juices. "You do that while I do more beating." Blue says. He starts mixing together sugar with whippedcream. After beating a bit, he puts it to the side and uses the remaining cream to mix with coacoa powder. Is this getting boring yet? I can't really help that. "Now it's time to work the layers." I say, cracking my fingers. I grab a layer and spread some whippedcream on it and top it with cherries cherries. I do this for the first three layers, stacking each on top of each other.. After we run out of cherries, we take the final layer and stack it on, using the remaining frosting to coat it. "Time to cream on this bitch!" "Epic Pie Time used it first." Blue says. "Shut up." I then grab a chocolate bar and start shaving it over the cake. "Nothing like a good shaving." "Lame joke is lame." "I said shut up." We take more whippedcream and make small circles on the top. We then finish off by adding cherries to each circle. "And there we go. We have our very own Portal birthday cake." "Ah ah ah. Don't forget the candle." "Oh, of course." I grab a candle and put it in the denter. "And now we're done." "Thank you all for watching. Now, if you'll excuse us, we've got a birthday party to go to." Some time later Ice walks to Sugarcube Corner, a blindfold around his face. "You're almost there, Ice." Blue says. "This better be good. This birthday has sucked so far." "Oh, don't you worry. It'll be good." As the two enter, Blue takes off Ice's blinfold. "SURPRISE!" everypony shouts. "Happy birthday, Ice!" Ice gets a huge smile on his face. "Aw, you guys are the best." I come in wheeling out the cake. "And here's your special birthday cake." "No way!" "Blow out the candle and make a wish." He takes a deep breath and blows, blowing out the small flame. Everypony cheers. This was a triumph. I'm making a note here: huge success. Okay, I'll stop.
The ReturnAuthor's Note: Damn, been a while since I've done this, huh? Hehe.... well, it's not like you guys care about this anyway, right? But I'm so bored to the point where coming back to this sounds like fun. As you can expect from this story, things will get crazy. Now, on to the craziness. I get home from a day a fun filled day of going to the movies with some of my friends and seeing The Amazing Spiderman. ..Okay, I lied. I went to the movies by myself. ...I lied again. I actually just went to the theater, but I didn't have enough money to buy a ticket. So I tried sneaking in, but got caught and was kicked out. Okay, FINE. I stayed at home all day and didn't go anywhere special. HAPPY?! *sigh* Anyway, I log onto fimfiction to check for any updates as of late, whether it be story updates, PM's, or notifications from fans. "Okay, more crappy clopfics posted on the front. Nothing of interest updated. No announcements from anyone. Some stories added to groups. OC submissions. Few comments from people about my fics." I say as I nonchalantly surf the internet. I raise an eyebrow while looking at comments. "Still don't know why everyone's lying to me about my fics being awesome, but whatever. How are the stories themselves doing?" I click the stories tab and look through my fics. I know this is incredibly exciting, but don't ruin your pants just yet. I raise an eyebrow as I spot one fic in particular. "Cooking with the Author and OC?" I think over for a few moments before my brain clicks into place and my eyes widen. I facepalm in epic failure. "Oh, shit. I completely forgot about this one. How long has it been since the last time I updated this anyway?" I click on it and facepalm once again as I look at the date of the last chapter. "Damn, two months?" a smile grows on my face as I crack my knuckles in preparation. "We'll just have to fix that then, won't we?" I hope Blue is ready for a surprise visit. I know he's not, but a guy can hope anyway. In Equestria Blue Breeze sits in a chair on the opposite side of a table from Rainbow Dash, the two of them being on a daytime date at the Olive's Garden restaurant and sitting at the outside of the restaurant. They're about to regret not taking a table inside, I promise you that. Blue and Dash smile as they gaze at each other with their hooves on the table. Blue grabs a hay fry from off the plate on the table and looks at Dash knowingly. "Would you like a fry, ma' lady?" he takes it and sticks it between his teeth while pointing the other end at her. She giggles before giving him a seductive look. "Oh, I'd love a fry." Then lean closer together as Dash bites down at the other end. With each holding one end, they start inching their mouths closer and closer. While that... I don't even know what to call it is going on, I appear in the middle of town and dust myself off as I stand up from my crouching position. As I dust off myself, I look around to see ponies looking at my sudden appearance, but shrug as they go on about their business. I smirk as I think to myself. 'Good, they all remember still. I did NOT want to go through all that nonsense again.' I quit my smirking as I narrow my eyes and look around the area for a sign of Blue. 'Now, where could he be?' "Hey, Tim. What's up?" a voice I recognize as Zephyr's says out of nowhere. "Jesus Christ!" I say as I jump back and grab my chest. He raises an eyebrow at me as I breath heavily. "Who?" I stop as I glare up at him. "Don't freakin' do that, man! Nearly gave me a heart attack!" "Sorry. Just saw that you showed up and, with me loving speed, I wanted to say hi as quickly as I could." I sigh heavily. "Well, hey to you too." my eyes light up as I get the most obvious idea in the world. "Actually, it's a good thing you showed up when you did. Can you tell me where Blue is right now?" "Sure. He's over at the Olive's Garden with Dash right now. Cooking show again, right?" "You bet. Thanks a lot, Zeph." With my destination found, I dash off to go find Blue as fast as possible so we can get this show back on the road... or I guess the air in this case. Air, get it? Because it's his power? It's also my failed attempt at comedy. ...I am so alone. I run around town for a bit until I eventually spot the yellow and blue pegasus munching on a fry with Rainbow Dash. "Got ya." Blue and Dash, completely oblivious to their surroundings, continue to inch closer with the fry still in each other's mouths. But right before their lips meet, I grab Blue by the scruff of his neck and pull him back, making him choke. "There you are, you lazy ass. Do you know how long I've been trying to find you?" He coughs as bits of fry spew out from his mouth. "What the buck, Tim?! *cough* I was eating something!" "No shit, Sherclop. It's nice to see you again too, by the way." He finishes coughing as he glares at me. "What the buck are you doing here?!" "I noticed it's been a long time since we did the cooking show, so I figured I'd drop by to do an episode." I explain, smirking at how much this is pissing him off. He facehoofs. "I was REALLY hoping you forgot about that." "Nope, just didn't feel like doing it, but now I do." "But what about Dash?" he asks, motioning to the grumpy mare. She growls. "You know what? Just go! i need my space anyway." she gets up from her chair and marches off in the other direction. "See you later, Blue." "No! Dash, wait!" he sulks in exasperation before looking at me, his red eyes almost blazing in anger. "Dude, not cool! Do know what I'll have to do to make up for that?!" I shrug. "Eh, she'll get over it. Now come on, we've got no time to waste. To Sugarcube Corner!" He crosses his forelegs. "Like I'm gonna ju-WOAH!" I cut him off as I grab him by the scruff of his neck again and drag him down the street as I run to the giant gingerbread goodie shop. We get there and I let Blue go as I go in to knock the door, but it flies open with Pinkie Pie standing there and smiling. "Oh, hey, Pinkie." I say, a bit surprised to see her. She grins at me before grabbing me in a big hug. "Timmy! It's been WAY too long since the last time you showed up. You really should do it more. Oh, we have so much to catch up on." I break out of the hug as I smile at her. "Yeah, Pinkie, sounds great, but not right now. We actually came here to-" "Host the next episode of your cooking show?" "Yeah, how did you-" I stop as I realize the answer. "Let me guess. Jittery back left leg combined with head shaking and eyes winking back and forth?" "Yeppers, you got it." "Wha?" Blue says as he looks at the both of us like we're crazy, which we are. "Her Pinkie Sense, duh." "Yep. It means another world that I haven't seen in a long time is coming to visit." "That's... oddly specific." "Hey, it's Pinkie Pie. We ain't gotta explain shit." "Come in, come in. I made sure the Cakes were out of the house and I even got all the equipment set up for you." Pinkie says as she pushes us inside. I look inside at the kitchen to see that indeed our lights and camera are all prepped and ready. I smile in satisfaction. "Well, looks like you've got no choice but to help now, Blue." He facehoofs and groans. "Ugh, fine. What were you going to have us make anyway?" "Well, we did your favorite food already, so I figured it's time we did my favorite food: pizza." "Oh, joy." he says sarcastically as he rolls his eyes. "You bet your flank. Now let's get this party started!"
