Chapter 1: Eh, What’s Up, Doc?
It was silent in Fluttershy’s cottage, save for the soft sounds of a napping bunny, a few ferrets, a family of squirrels, a perched bluejay and a mischief of mice. Perhaps it was not the most silent of places, but to Angel it was currently the most comfortable. Angel loved to roll around in his sleep, luxuriating in the spacious basket lined with soft satin and silk. It was his own little piece of heaven, and it all belonged to him. He slept soundly, the only sounds he made were soft puffs of breath from his diminutive lungs. The situation would not be more ideal unless he had finally achieved his plans for world domination… but that was a story for another time.
Instead of achieving a state of nirvana few bunnies could ever dream of, Angel’s sensitive ears picked up the timid hoof steps of a certain pegasus that also shared the cottage. Preemptively, the bunny waved a dismissive paw towards Fluttershy as she came up beside his basket.
“Oh okay,” Fluttershy whispered quietly. “Sorry. I just had a letter for you.” He heard retreating hoof steps.
An ear flopped out. A letter? For him? Nopony he knew would send a letter to him. Not unless they were begging for mercy, and that was certainly something to get out of bed for. Hopping out of his basket, he held a paw out and beckoned imperiously, his chin pointed upwards to the ceiling.
Predictably, the pegasus had been waiting to hand him the letter. Crafty mare.
“Here you go,” she said sweetly, although Angel reflected that ‘sweetly’ was perhaps a redundant tag for Fluttershy’s speech. She passed him the letter with some difficulty. It was bigger than normal, with the writing easily the size of Angel’s paw. Suspicion grew in his lapine mind.
With some effort, he flipped over the envelope and peered at the writing on the top.
ǝǝɹɟɹǝʌƎ ǝɥʇ ɟo ǝƃpƎ
'ǝuɐ˥ ǝɹnʇɐN Ɩ
ʎuunq lǝƃu∀
Oh, that was just the address, it was upside down too. He hopped over to the other side. There, the return address label!
Bugs Bunny
If this doesn’t send,
Too bad, too bad, oh well!
Funny, the envelope was swimming around, oh the room was too. With a muted thump, Angel dimly registered that he hit the floor. The ceiling was looking very far away indeed.
“Angel!” he heard Fluttershy call out in shock. It sounded softer than usual. Did Fluttershy’s voice echo like that usually…?
–––––
Fluttershy had just finished tucking in the unconscious bunny when she heard the soft knock on her door.
“Coming!” she called out. She flittered to the door anxiously, waving the alicorn through.
“I’m glad you could come over, Twilight! I was getting worried. I couldn’t read what was in the letter so I thought you could help. Whatever was in that letter must have been terrifying, Angel just fainted and I didn’t know who else to turn to! Oh and uhm, sorry about dropping it off so suddenly, I was worried about Angel.”
Twilight smiled. “Anything for a friend. Although, I wonder why anypony would write Equestrian for the address and suddenly switch over to random scribbles and gobbledegook in the letter.” Twilight frowned. “I also didn’t know that your pet could read.”
“Oh Angel’s really good at organising things. He keeps the schedules and orders the food sometimes.” Fluttershy felt her mouth twitch into a proud grin.
Twilight opened her mouth and then slowly shut it, her lips pursing. “I’ll… take your word for it.” She shuffled forward. “I brought the letter with me, but there’s not much I can do with it, I’m afraid.”
“Oh dear, but you’re the only pony I can turn to for this... could you try?”
“I’m sorry Fluttershy, it doesn’t seem like I can help you with this, without some sort of key, or sample or something to compare it to, none of this would make sense, even with the help of magic. You could get the general tone of the letter though, if you wanted to. There’s a spell to detect the emotions of the writer.”
“R-Really? H-How?”
“I think it has something to do with the way ponies write when they’re happy or sad, the pressure of the quill would be different.” There was a pause. “I can’t cast it on myself so you’ll have to, uhm, volunteer Fluttershy.”
“O-Okay, if it’s for Angel…” Fluttershy felt an ominous chill creep down her spine. There’s no reason she should be nervous, right? Twilight was an accomplished spellcaster. But the way she bit her lip and screwed up her eyes did not inspire confidence in the pegasus.
Oh dear, were some of the last thoughts of Fluttershy as everything blacked out. I hope nothing goes wrong.
––––––
Twilight opened her eyes cautiously. Fluttershy stood there, blinking at her.
“Are you alright?” she asked, her eyes darting around to see if there were any ill-effects. Fluttershy smiled demurely.
“I feel fine,” she said quietly. She sounded a little distracted.
“Okay,” Twilight replied slowly. She levitated the letter from her satchel and held it in front of Fluttershy. “Just run your eyes over the words and you should feel the same sort of emotions as the writer.”
Fluttershy’s eyes drifted away from Twilight and she started ‘reading’ the letter. There was silence for a while. In fact, it was too quiet. From this angle, Twilight couldn’t see Fluttershy’s face.
“Uhh Fluttershy? Are you done?”
There was continued silence.
“Are you okay?” She shifted the letter.
Twilight was startled by a sudden giggle.
“He he,” Fluttershy snickered. “Tee-hee-hee!”
Twilight laid a hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder.
“I don’t think—“
“Bwuahahaha!” Fluttershy burst into laughter. She was laughing so hard she was struggling to breath and tears overflowed from her eyes.
“Fluttershy!” Twilight exclaimed, holding the howling pegasus as she rolled on the floor.
In between gasps, Fluttershy tried to answer back.
“I—“ *snort* “—can’t—“ *giggle* “—stop laughing!” she cried.
Twilight’s eyes widened. She danced on her hooves.
“Oh what to do, what to do, how to cancel the spell?!”
A flash from Twilight’s horn stifled Fluttershy’s laughter, but she kept laughing in silence. The pegasus made silent ‘help me’ gestures as her face contorted with the painful shortness of breath.
The alicorn tried again, using several spells, some stopping her mirth temporarily, others just paralysing Fluttershy, with her eyes dancing with laughter. It kept going until Twilight decided to temporarily drain the magic. Fluttershy collapsed to the wooden floorboards gratefully.
“Oh,” she mumbled. “Funny.” Then she passed out.
Twilight regarded the pegasus with a mixture of trepidation and awe. What sort of creature was this that could contain so much humour?
––––––
As Twilight was pondering this, a fairly recognisable anthropomorphic rabbit was making his way across the dimensions. Traversing the Loony-verse required a lot of energy, so the rambunctious bunny was chewing on a juicy carrot. The distinct crunching sound reverberated around the spaceless dimensional corridor—somehow—and still annoyed the universe even though the sound couldn’t carry past the dimensional fabric of the associated universal nexus Bugs was travelling through.
The membrane of the universe became gelatinous as Bugs put a gloved hand on the surface. It rippled like a pebble thrown into a still pond. The universe shuddered and Newton rolled in his grave and jerked his knee. His right knee cap had this itch whenever Bugs was around, but fortunately the rabbit shook his head and moved on. Wrong universe. He picked up speed, hurtling through the haze of unreality.
After all, he wouldn’t want to be late to meet his cousin.
Author's Note
ROBCakeran53 inspired me to write this. Still have zero idea what to write for my other fics.
Next Chapter: That's All Folks!
As always, my galactic readers, thanks for reading!
P.S. The last line I wrote reminded me of Alice in Wonderland for some reason. I drift between my fics like a lazy fairy. Expect this to be updated soon, though. I think. Maybe.
P.P.S. Fixed a couple of errors that were spotted and I missed, sorry everyone! I was working the whole time and I only had my mobile, the editing thing doesn't even fit in the screen.
P.P.P.S. You know me, things are about to get real.
P.P.P.P.S. Minor grammatical errors fixed and some stylistic fixes too.
Chapter 2: ACME
I got big funny ears, they are so long and flat
They are the very reasons I never wear a hat
My teeth stick out in front, like pickets in a fence
And as far as riches go, I'm not worth two cents
But I'm glad to be the way I am
Who cares if I look funny?
No matter what the others have
I'm glad that I'm Bugs Bunny!
Suppose I was an elephant, then I'd be really sunk
For every place I'd ever go, I'd have to take my trunk
Suppose I was a zebra with stripes from head to tail
I bet they'd think that I'd escaped and throw me back in jail!
It was at that moment that Bugs happened to walk into Zecora.
“Eh, what’s up, Doc?”
Zecora’s eyelid twitched.
––––
There is a moment in time when two souls of compatible personality synchronise so perfectly that the universe pauses for a short moment. Usually these sensations last at most for about two or three seconds. Enough to give you the shivers, or a prickling sense of danger. When you feel it, you know something is about to happen. It may be good, it may be bad, it may not even relate to you… but it will definitely be big.
When Pinkie Pie burst out Sugarcube Corner, she immediately noticed the large hare pulling at the dirt ground as it were a service hatch to the sewers. He popped out of the hole, seemingly relieved for some odd reason. Inevitably, her eyes were drawn to his.
In the space of a heartbeat, several things happened:
The Universe shivered and all its inhabitants stopped for a moment to appreciate the full gravity of that happenstance. A lot of ponies went home. Several of them purchased insurance on the way. One retreated into his concrete bunker and started counting his soup cans.
Celestia, who was drinking tea at the time, choked.
Discord, who was drinking chocolate milk, choked.
Luna, who was sleeping, snored.
Cadance told Shining that she felt a disturbance in the balance of Love. It was a moment where two ponies fell in love at first sight. That, she had said, or she was hungry. Shining bought her a sandwich and she chewed on it thoughtfully. Hmm, no it wasn’t love at first sight... but she did wonder what it might have been.
––––––
When Angel came to, he spotted Fluttershy passed out and sleeping soundly on her bed. He nodded to himself, this was normal, she must have spotted her shadow again. Something more unusual was the alicorn seated in the centre of the room, a familiar letter turned this way or that as she tried to make sense of the scribbled writing. Oh, it was that friend of Fluttershy’s. What was her name? Twibright? Twinklesight?
Hopping over to the base of the alicorn’s hoof he slapped her fetlock as hard as he could.
Twilight looked down in mild surprise.
“Oh!” she exclaimed, skittering back a few steps. “Hello, Angel.”
Angel held his paw out, gesturing impatiently. It took a while for the thick pony to get the message. Fluttershy, he sourly reflected, would have given it to him by now.
“Right! This is your letter,” she said sheepishly, gently levitating the letter into Angel’s small paws. He snatched it out of the air and sat on his haunches, reading the contents quickly.
Hey Angel ol’ buddy!
Just letting you know that I’m coming to town. I’ve given ol’ Elmer the slip again and I thought I’d stop by and grab a few carrots from that place you called, eh… what was it again? Eh… Equestria! That’s right! We can catch up for ol’ time’s sake.
That’s all, Angel!
Bugs.
Wiping a paw across his face, Angel pursed his lips and tried to think of a contingency plan. At any moment, Bugs could arrive and ruin everything. Last time the gloved bunny arrived in Equestria, he foiled several world domination plans and a couple of geopolitical coups. All of them were unintentional, or at least that was what it looked like. You could never be too sure with Bugs.
Angel felt the letter drawn out of his paw as Twilight gently extricated it to resume analysis. He let it go without noticing it. To her it probably looked like he’d read the letter and zoned out again. Contrary to her assumption, Angel was perfectly lucid, his mind churning away, modelling plan after plan. Last time, Angel was too serious, Bugs thrived in breaking seriousness. There had to be something or someone around here that could match his rule-breaking game…
Angel cocked his head, his eyes narrowing as he smiled devilishly. He cracked the joints in his tiny paws, settling into a slow lope towards the door.
It was time to get to business.
–––––
Bugs gasped and he fell to the ground.
Pinkie trotted forward, eyeing the bunny as he wheezed.
“What’s wrong?” she asked urgently.
He choked out something. Pinkie cocked her head and approached the stricken hare. She heard small croaks from him and she was starting to get concerned.
“Please,” she heard him splutter. “Come closer.” He beckoned her with a frail finger.
Pinkie leaned in, her mouth twitching in anticipation.
“Closer…”
She leaned in further.
“Will…”
“Yes?”
“You…”
“Yes!”
“Go pranking with me?”
“YES!”
–––––
For some reason, Discord liked to hang out at Twilight’s new castle. Angel didn't know why, something about coaxing it to give him a throne, or something. Angel, didn't care much for the draconequus, but he did not like the new castle. He absolutely despised it.
The reason?
The floor was slippery.
The first, nervous step that Angel took ended up with Angel spending more time on his face and less on his paws. He started forward only to slip and fall. One time, Angel saw Fluttershy helping Winona cross an icy pond. At that time he had thought it was hilarious watching the canine try to make her way across the ice on unsteady legs. Darkly, Angel realised he was now mimicking the poor mutt’s movements.
“Well, well, what do we have here?”
It was late in the day, but the draconequus’ curiosity was piqued. He swirled around the small bunny, grinning sardonically.
“You look like you could use my help,” he remarked casually. Angel glared at the draconequus. With a monumental effort, he levered himself into a seated position and then crossed his arms in front of his body.
Discord clapped a claw and a paw together slowly.
“Bravo,” he cheered mockingly. “Bravo!”
Angel stayed still, not even bothering to rise to the bait. He wouldn’t even be able to do much, what with the floor the way it was. Discord raised his eyebrow. Usually the bunny would be thinking of a way to claw his way across the floor and try to do some serious damage to the draconequus. Not that he could, mind you, but he'd try. That, more than anything intrigued Discord. Something was important to Angel.
“You want my help?” he guessed.
Angel nodded.
“Why do you think I would help you?”
Angel gestured to the cottage.
“Oh well being friends with Fluttershy doesn’t necessarily extend to you… especially to you.”
Angel crossed his arms, fuming. He hopped a few steps away, the effect somewhat ruined but immediately slipping and falling flat on his face. Discord chuckled and waved at him dismissively, then went back to drinking chocolate milk. Angel turned back, smirking. He met Discord’s glancing look and waggled his eyebrows, making a rude gesture with his paws.
Discord sprayed chocolate milk in a fountain of exasperated rage.
“WHAT?! NOPONY SAYS THAT ABOUT ME!”
With a particularly flustered snap, the draconequus disappeared.
Angel rubbed his paws together.
All going to plan.
Author's Note
Something something, brown thing in the fan.
What the heck did Angel say to Discord?
Next Chapter: Mobius strips.
As always, my highly trained ~~killers~~ readers, thanks for reading!
P.S. Sorry for taking so long in updating this with not much going on. I have a fiction addiction, too many incompletes. That's why I'm not making any more of them... no matter how badly I want to.
