Hot Apple Pie

by drunkenpandaren

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Main 6, Romance, Comedy, Adventure, Equestria Girls
Length: 3807

Stories have a strange way of running away on the writer. Applejack knows this best when writing a novel for several seasons

For a long time now, Applejack has been writing a novel. It keeps her sharp, her wits about her, and polishes on her fancy talk.

In this novel, she writes about the socialite turned spy, Appletini. The daring partner known as Diane. Their Director, Dusk Shine and his staff; Elusive, Rainbow Blitz and Butterscotch. Applejack has written hours upon hours of work, until she comes up against a problem. A spy novel can also be a romance novel, and Applejack is having trouble separating what she knows.

So she turns to her friends for help, who mostly want to hear more of the story.

Sex tag for implications and innuendo.

Published 2015-01-13 07:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-13 07:40:06 UTC

A novel 4 seasons in the making

"I don't know what's worse, being here, or being with you," grumbled the orange mare, who flicked a lock of bouncy yellow hair away from her face. She glared at her marefriend, the grinning, equally bouncing pink mare, smiling as she hopped in one spot. "Stop hopping, or you will give us away!" Her voice was cultured, as evidenced by her upper-crust raising, and yet the mare peered around the corner.

"Ah reckon ah can do more than just give us away," retorted the pink mare as she held up a crystal, its sides enchanted with explosive cantrips. "Just one of these and we're set for life!"

Appletini sighed, glaring at her friend. "You know, Diane, the only reason you're here is because Dusk told me to be here. There isn't anything stopping me from ditching you the first chance we get."

"And go against the Director? Dusk would have a conniption," snorted Diane as she leaned in. "Just one more hour of stakeout, and we'll be back in our cozy Manehatten skylit apartment. Just you and I..."

"I reckon you would have 'ta tell me twice," drawled Appletini, and Diane looked at her oddly.

"Appletini? Your accent just slipped..."

=====

"Eh?" Applejack blinked tired eyes as she looked at the manuscript she had wrote and with a sigh, crossed it out. The quill was already worn down to the furthest nub as she clipped her writing before placing it into her desk gingerly. "Maybe ah should just give this a rest for a while..." said Applejack with a sigh, flopping on her bed.

Looking over at the picture that now adorned the bedside table, she picked it up. It was a photograph of the recent acquisition to the Apple family: the pink mare, Pinkie Pie. She seemed to grin from the paper it was printed on, and she smiled. "Doesn't matter if it's not confirmed; she's an Apple all right."

Which brought her to a dilemma. It had begun as a flight of fancy, some kind of writing exercise to keep her mind sharp. Big Mac had his fancy mathematics. Apple Bloom had her own way of staying sharp. Applejack liked to write. And while she hadn't published anything, she had made a successful lifetime of writing spy stories, something she imagined her friends filling the roles with some tweaks.

Appletini, wealthy Manehatten socialite-turned-super-spy when her coltfriend disappeared due to the same line of work, and clearly based on herself. Diane, the mysterious if hyperactive, partner-in-crime who loved a good joke and explosives was a dead ringer for Pinkie Pie. The almost no-nonsense Director was Dusk Shine, the personal student of Prince Solaris and head of the state. Elusive, the gem cutter and financier for the gadgetry she and Diane wielded. The blustery intern Rainbow Blitz. All of them, either colt or mare alternate universe versions of themselves. Applejack figured that keeping some things vague would probably be able to get her published. Ponies knew that there was a lot of Mane Six fiction out there, some of which Twilight kept stocked in her... oh right.

"Ah'm going to find you a home less explosive," remarked Applejack to the manuscript, thinking of the loss of Golden Oaks. There had been work trying to recover it, but Tirek's explosive magic had been difficult to scrub out, as it were, by the earth pony recovery team sent there.

Flopping on her bed and curling up, Applejack yawned as she doused the lantern. "Tomorrow, then..."

=====

"Tomorrow then," said Dusk Shine, brushing his hoof along the other agent's cheek with a smile. "Now get going, I've got a report to finish."

"Yes, Prince," replied the agent playfully as she left, Diane and Appletini walking in.

"Ah, good, you two made it back. Did you find out anything?" asked Dusk, settling back behind the desk, straightening his suit jacket and trying not to reveal he was necking with the intern.

"About ten hours of stakeout," replied Appletini, smothering a grin behind a hoof. "And there was nothing going on."

"And about two minutes of explosives and magic blazing too," added Diane cheerfully. "And did you have fun, Director?"

Dusk flushed at the statement. "Never mind that," he said. "You two are now on a new assignment, going undercover as a couple of marefriends. Otto van Schrodinger is heading up one of his new parties and we might have a lead on Agent Gala."

Appletini blinked, looking up at the statement. "Really? You might have found Agent Gala? Where?"

"Calm down, it's not assured," said Dusk. "Agent Gala was presumably seen here, at the Shady Oaks Grand Hall." He pushed over a picture, and the pair looked at it. A slightly blurry image of a red mare in a dress stood there, but her cutie mark was covered. "If it was Agent Gala, then there is a chance her tracking is turned off. She's been under such deep cover, we've almost lost contact.

"We thought we lost Agent Gala in the Stalliongrad incident with Agent Flaxseed, but it turns out that there's been numerous sightings of Gala since then. Manehatten most recently, but also in Ponyville, Vanhoover, and even Las Pegasus."

"The last probably because she just can't keep her gambling problems down," snickered Diane, only to get elbowed in the barrel by Appletini.

"That being said, we heard there is something going on in Manehatten in two days. Prepare your kits, agents. This will be quite the night."

Saluting, the pair headed out into the main room, where a white pony with a well-coiffed hairstyle stood, with a little smile on his face. "The director assigned you two something new, to track down Agent Gala, and deal with Otto, hmm?"

"That's right, and it's a formal thing too," admitted Appletini. "What do you have for us, Elusive?"

"Darling, it's the best and only the best."

=====

"Darling, it's the best and only the best," said Rarity, breaking Applejack out of her stupor. "Applejack? What's wrong? You haven't touched your lunch yet."

"Ah was just thinkin' really," admitted Applejack. "Sorry, Rarity. Ah've been working on my novel recently, an' ah've gotten to a point where ah need to figure out where to go from there."

"Oh, that's simply marvellous, Applejack," said Rarity in delight. She, like the rest of their friends, knew about Applejack's writing habits. "Is it that incredibly fun spy novel you were working on?"

"That's th' one," replied Applejack. "Ah just don't know about a certain part though."

Rarity blinked. "Whatever do you mean, Applejack?"

"Well... y'know how ah'm writin' Tini and Diane as, well..." Applejack blushed and swallowed. "A couple? Lately ah've been kind of worried that someponies who might get the connection of the characters, might think ah have feelin's fer Pinkie Pie."

"Well, I can see why that would be the case," murmured Rarity in a thoughtful manner. "You did say you were making it a romance story as well as a spy novel. And it is tradition for the dashing spy to um... bed, the partner..."

"See, ah don't know if ah can't even write that!" exclaimed Applejack, dipping her head in shame, cheeks burning red. "It's Pinkie. She's an Apple, an' I dun feel like that fer my kinfolk. But sometimes, like last night, ah've gotten ideas during mah dreams an' all..."

"Not fanciful dreams, I presume," said Rarity, eyes darting between the doorways in case a Sweetie Belle emerged. This was no conversation for Rarity's younger sister to hear, not with her delicate tweens approaching.

"Ah suppose it just feels... odd, s'all. The relationship's developed naturally an' ah want to continue, but every time ah write it ah see those two makin' out in mah head, an' ah can't push it aside..."

"Well, this is certainly a problem. Applejack, first things first is to tell me how this narrative goes. Can you do that for me?" asked Rarity. "It might help you sort things out in the end."

"Well, ah suppose ah can give you a sneak preview..." Applejack cleared her throat as she affected her prim and proper Manehatten socialite accent.

"What do you mean you didn't bring the grappling hook?"

=====

"What do you mean you didn't bring the grappling hook?" demanded Appletini, as the pair looked over the edge of the building. The locked door, barricaded with a chair shoved up against it, thudded as angry voices could be heard.

"I thought we could do with a little running," replied Diane with a grin, gesturing to the nearby building. Appletini's eyes grew wide. "C'mon, it'll be fun!"

"I simply cannot make that jump! You know how bad I am with heights!" The door shuddered even harder this time, making the spy jump. "Just go on without me, I can hold them off as long as possible!"

"Appletini..." Her resolve hardening, she went over and bucked her in the side, causing Appletini to collapse. As the world faded around her, Appletini could barely see Diane pull some kind of device out of her skin tight suit as the door shattered, a flood of angry ponies charging in...

For a long while, Appletini could only see small flashes of light and stars, and then a warm sensation against her body as she squinted in the light. Cracking a eye open, she looked over at the skylight to a Archipelago sunset. "What...?"

"You're awake," said Diane, smiling at her as she applied a salve to her sides. "Sorry for being rough, but the translocator would only send us so far, and only one pony could be awake for it."

"Let me guess; Elusive made that," she said softly. "Diane...? Were you... you all right, sugarcube?"

Diane smiled as she sat up, and Appletini noticed she was dressed in a bathrobe, blushing. "Diane?" asked Appletini. "What are you...?"

"I'm sorry, Appletini, I can't hold myself back anymore..." And the pink mare leaned in...

=====

""I'm sorry, Appletini, I can't hold myself back anymore..." And the pink mare leaned in..." Applejack trailed off as Twilight was leaning in, and then fell over as Applejack stopped.

"Applejack! You can't stop there!" exclaimed Twilight. Her companion, Rainbow Dash, who was in the corner with one of her "So Awesome" faces, was leaning in as well. "What happens next?"

"Yeah, girlfriend, spit it out!" added Rainbow Dash. "You can't just leave us hanging there!"

"Ah can't, ah just can't do it!" exclaimed Applejack, her face red. "What if this is a mistake? Ah wrote this before we knew we were kin! This is forbidden love, y'hear?"

"Applejack, it's just a story. I'm sure if you're so worried about it, you can just gloss it over," said Twilight soothingly. "Besides, I think everypony wants to know what sort of things they get up to."

"It's not supposed to be an adult fiction; it's supposed to be a spy novel," grumbled Applejack, still painted a lovely shade of red over her orange fur.

"Then write two versions. It's what I do with my Daring Do fanfiction," said Rainbow in a smug tone.

"At least ah didn't send mah fanfics to A.K. Yearling herself, Rainbow Dash," snapped Applejack. At Dash's furious blush, she groaned. "Ponyfeathers, you have, haven't you?'

"She thought it was hilarious!" protested Rainbow Dash. "Though she edited my adult fanfic and sent it back with notes."

"Despite the slightly disturbing fact that Daring Do edits smut, you should realize that writing is your way of de-stressing, right, Applejack?" said Twilight. "So why don't you try getting a second opinion?"

"What do you mean, a second opinion?" asked Applejack slowly, and paused when Twilight presented a book adorned with a sun crest. "Ah can't just go spillin' to your friends in the other world, Twi!"

"Try it. I'm sure Sunset Shimmer would like to hear about this dilemma. What are the odds that the other you is going through this right now?" offered Twilight, presenting a quill.

Applejack sighed and took up the quill. After a few moments of thought, she placed her quill to paper. "Dear Sunset Shimmer, it's Applejack. Ah have a problem that you might be able to help with..."

=====

"I have a problem I can help you with, and you can help me in return." The fiery-haired mare in front of the pair looked down at them as she stood up on the other side of the room.

"Agent Flaxseed," said Diane in her cultured tones. "We thought you were dead."

"Turns out the Ponies in Brown wanted me more. When offered with a chance to work with them, well..." Flaxseed let the statement roll off the horseshoes as she turned towards the pair who were, admittedly, tied up. "Sorry, it's just business. The PiB are nothing but squirrely on who they'll take."

"What happened to Gala?" asked Appletini. "What happened to her? She was one of our best."

"Missing, officially. Unofficially, she's a agent for our little group within the PiB," said Flaxseed, turning towards the Diamond Dog next to her and growling in its language. The Diamond Dog nodded and moved to the door as Flaxseed leaned down towards Diane. "There's a bigger world out there, Diane. I wish you'd join us, but I see you're still loyal to Dusk Shine."

"You've been jealous of him ever since he made Director," snarled Diane, and Appletini was surprised to hear the amount of venom in the mare's voice. "Admit it! Because Solaris promoted him to Director, you haven't been returning calls, setting up these secret meetings... They're PiB, do you know what they do to ponies who try to leave their group?"

"Listen to me!" hissed Flaxseed. "I already know. I swallowed a bomb before we met up here."

Producing a knife, she cut their bonds. "The PiB are making their move. They'll be here in the capital for the next forty-eight hours before they make their move. You have until then to save Gala and rescue the President's daughter before she's kidnapped."

"This is huge," said Appletini, massaging her hooves. "Shouldn't we talk to Dusk first?"

"He won't believe me. He thinks I'm dead, remember? Now go. And sorry, but this is business too." Her horn lit up, and she gestured towards the window of the building. "Try not to hit the dumpster on the way down."

"Sorry." Diane grabbed Appletini and smashed through the window as Flaxseed fired a spell at them as the floor erupted into a fiery explosion...

=====

"I think you need to face the facts, Applejack. There's nothing wrong with writing shipping stories," was the writing on the page. "I spoke to my Applejack and she's got a similar writing path too and had to deal with the problem much sooner than you did."

Applejack frowned a little at the advice, but had to admit it was sound. If she could separate her emotions from her writing, then perhaps it would be for the best. But if only she could get past this writer's block, then perhaps something would come. Something... pink filled her view. "Hiya, Applejack!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie.

"GAH!" exclaimed Applejack, falling backwards in her chair, but she was caught by Pinkie's strong hooves. "You scared me, sneakin' all up on me."

"Hey, gotta be unpredictable, right?" said Pinkie with a wide grin. "Still working on the spy story?"

"Somethin' like that," replied Applejack, getting to a sitting position. "Ah just don't know what to do. Sunset said ah should just continue with how things are goin' so far."

"Sooooo what's the problem?" asked Pinkie. "You're not losing sleep over this, right?"

"Ah just dunno bout that, Pinkie," sighed Applejack as she looked up into Pinkie's big blue eyes and found herself getting lost in their inquisitive sparkle for a long moment. "It's about us."

"Us? Like us us, or story us?" asked Pinkie. "Is this about romance or something?"

"What? Who told you?" gasped Applejack.

"Silly AJ, it was written all over your face! Look, Maud writes LOVE POEMS about Boulder. I dunno about you, but shipping fake usses are better than shipping for realsies!"

Applejack tried to follow the logic for a long moment before blinking. "You're tellin' me that ah shouldn't worry about writing a story where the two of us... do somethin' adult-like?"

"Why should I be? It's not like you've got feelings for me, right, Applejack?" said Pinkie, rocking in a chair.

"No! No, of course not, we're kin, an' ah want it to stay like that. You're special t'me Pinkie Pie, and not just because we're family, but because we're friends and even if we weren't family ah could never ruin our friendship if we, y'know, got together, or somethin." Breathing in, Applejack exhaled slowly. "Does that make sense?"

"Totally does," said Pinkie, patting her on the back. "Look, AJ, if you want to be a writer, you need to set aside your fears and face them! There'll be stories, more stories! What happens when you write that long-forgotten Dusk Shine/Gleaming Shield side story? Will you be able to look Twilight in the eye and tell her that you wrote a fanciful relationship about an alternate her and her alternate not-brother? Of course you would! Because it's not REAL, it's a story! You want to be as creative as you want, and didn't Twilight okay that story in the first place? She even edited it! For consistency's sake!"

"Huh, ah never thought about it like that before... You know what?" Applejack picked up the quill and dipped it into the ink. "Ah think ah know how this is all going to end!"

=====

"So this is it, you're quitting then?" asked Diane as the pair stood at the airport. Ponies walked around them, minding their own business. "Just like that?"

"Now that Gala is back with you, you have your partner again," said Appletini. "And... I guess I'm going back to become the wealthy socialite I once was."

"... I don't want Gala as my partner though," said Diane, looking over at Appletini. "I want you by my side. Appletini, these last few months have been a real up-and-down story, and we're more than just partners. I love you. Can't you understand that?"

Appletini closed her eyes. "I know."

"Then why are you leaving?" asked Diane. "It's not for your former boyfriend, it's not for the wealth, it's not for Gala... why are you leaving?"

"Because... I'm not suited for this life. Being a spy. Being... in this world. So, I'm leaving it. Maybe go to a nice tropical place somewhere, where no one would know I was missing."

"Then this is goodbye then." Diane sniffled as the announcer proclaimed, "Flight 201 to Applewood is now boarding." "That's your flight."

"Yeah, it is." Appletini picked up her bags as she turned towards the boarding gate. As she took a step forward, she paused. "You know... I looked at your records. You haven't taken a vacation in 4 years. There's room for one more..."

Diane looked up, tears unshed bursting from her eyes as she launched herself at Appletini in a mass of pink. "Appletini!"

"Diane, come with me," whispered Appletini, hugging her back. "Let's go, together."

"Yes... yes, I will." Diane hugged her tightly. "I love you, Appletini."

"I love you too, Diane."

=====

"The end." Applejack looked up at her friends who were crowded around Applejack, listening to every word she spoke.

"That... was... SO AWESOME!" screeched Rainbow Dash.

"I must say, it was such a romantic ending!" Rarity dabbed at her eyes.

"I think it was sweet. It seemed bittersweet at first, but then..." said Fluttershy. "It turned out romantic!"

"A bit too sappy for my tastes, but I did like the action," remarked Discord, who had come out to hear the last bit of the story. He was draped over multiple thrones in the round table room where Applejack was telling her tale.

"I think you should be proud, Applejack. You finally finished your first novel!" exclaimed Twilight. "Do you want me to get it published?"

"Not yet," said Applejack. "There's still a few things ah want to iron out first, an' ah know mah hoofwritin' isn't quite as good as some others."

"I need to do some editing! Some of it needs clean-up work too," said Pinkie, drawing surprised looks from the others. "I signed on as Applejack's editor! If this is going to be a love story-slash-super spy novel between characters based on us, we need to write this together."

"You said it, Pinkie Pie!" exclaimed Applejack.

"It could have used a little more Blitz in there. I mean, he got some cool action but between him and Elusive, we were pretty much on the sidelines," said Rainbow Dash critically.

"Rainbow Dash," admonished Rarity. "I wouldn't dream of taking up more screen time in Applejack's novella, which she has been working on for other a year and a half."

"Yeah, yeah," grumbled Rainbow.

"I think it needed more dragons," said Spike, having listened to most of it. "Me and Discord are waaaaay under represented."

"Sorry, maybe in the sequel, you two," said Applejack apologetically. "After all, Flaxseed didn't actually die."

"Wait what?" chorused the entire room.

"But... the room exploded!" exclaimed Twilight. "She swallowed a bomb!"

"Yeah, about that. Turns out Sunset and the other Applejack are really good at influencing my writing, and Sunset didn't like the fact that Flaxseed went out so quickly. So we made a few things up, an' set things up fer the sequel. It's a work in progress." Applejack grinned. "Appletini and Diane's second book will come out... in another year or so."

The group groaned in unison.

"Till then, we've got a whole year to look forward to!" exclaimed Pinkie. "So let's celebrate Applejack's story being completed with a huge party!"

=====

"Agent Appletini?"

Appletini looked over her shades at the tall serpentine figure who loomed overhead, a smaller more stout companion next to him. "Who's asking?" asked the former socialite-turned-super spy.

"I'm Agent Eris, and this is my partner Agent Barbara." The smaller feminine dragon held up a claw in greeting. "Sorry, ladies, but your vacation is over. We've got word that Agent Flaxseed has appeared in Prance. We figured you'd want to spend your holidays there."

"What she said, " said Barb.

Diane looked over her shades as she turned towards the pair. "I guess we can go to Prance. Good food, classy ponies..."

"Just one thing. What did Flaxseed want there?" asked Appletini. "We already toppled the PiB's plans."

"We got word she's aiming to steal something. Something called the Eye of Metamorphosis... And Butterscotch was seen there."

Appletini removed her sunglasses. "Let's go."

Author's Note

Edit: 18/01/2015 Grammar, spelling, consistency in accents