Fallout Equestria: Wasteland Shuffle

by BEBOP!

Chapters

The Necessary Prologue
Equestrian Blues
Wasteland Elegy
Honky Tonk Mares
Waltz [for] Sunrise (still in progress)

The Necessary Prologue

Fallout: Equestria: Wasteland Shuffle

~Bebop

Prologue

THE FUN HAS BEEN DOUBLED!

Check the bottom of the final page for levels.

“Pretend for a moment, if you will, that the world as we know it is not what is essentially a ball of dust floating about in space... nor completely irradiated and filled with dopefiends, rapists, killer robots, and everything in-between,” drawled an incessant old voice that was, for the record, just begging to be interrupted.

“No, pretend instead that the world as we know it is simply... an underground ‘nest’ of ponies happily calling 80,000 square feet of mollifying (and lethargy inspiring!) steel corridors their home(–s). Yeah.” I nonchalantly spewed from my mouth.

Now, sitting in the front of the classroom has its perks, such as not being able to tell if somepony’s looking at you, but that didn’t exactly dull the feeling of fifty or so ponies glaring pocket knives into me. Oh, well. The orange-cream and lilac hag stared at me with a look of near sanguine as she asked me to stand before the class in all of my idiot glory.

I am not a clever pony. Semi-intelligent, maybe. But not clever.

“Blue one, if you’d be so kind, why don’t you give today’s lecture on the outside world? Tell us all about what we should fear and why.” She dragged out the word “all” so that it was almost painful in her hoity-toity accent, getting me to cringe as I faced the class.

Whispers followed; many referring to my coat colour and multi-coloured mane being out of place. I was the one weird colt in class that no matter how I tried, there was no way in hell I could blend in. So I didn’t even try. I knew what was coming, and I knew I was going to give an extemporaneous speech on why this class was absolutely pointless here in about three seconds. Oh boy, was the class going to get an earful today.

...But before I give it to ‘em, I feel I should first explain a bit. I’ll be quick, but don’t worry, I’ll only be so brief just this once; ever since I was a foal, I’ve loved music. Jazz, to be specific. There’s a single fast-paced old-time tune that plays once every now and again that got me my name. It’s just so... chaotic. They call it bebop. Goes well, too- my coat’s a deep-blue, a mane’s black and neon green, and my tail’s a “cozy” fire red, tipped with yellow, and covered in what everyone supposes is a spider web design. (The fuck’s a spider, anyway?) Or maybe I’m just being stupid as usual and am using my single Luna damned braincell on being pretentious. Regardless, it made sneaky and average-looking impossible concepts to even grasp. Not that I really cared.

It just feels like music, don’t it? Yeah, that’s what everyone says. After I got my cutie mark, they kinda just threw me into maintenance the minute I turned in my C.A.T. test. Figures. They really just give you the job that they think you’d be good at. There’s nothin’ really to it. EVERYONE has a job. That test is stupid. ‘Nough said. Well now they’ve got me an’ everypony else attending these ridiculous survival classes whenever you’re not scheduled for sleep or eating or work or... yeah. And so we come to today: I wake up, meander to the shower stalls with all the other 06:00 F-shift ponies, wade through the muggy, humid air past the E-shifters going to bed, eat my... paste sandwich with a side of oatmeal paste and drink my (surprise, surprise!) paste-based orange juice. I don’t even know what an orange is. (Am I drinking a colour?) Fix the heating talisman that’s been goin’ ta shit and off to class! Woo-hoo.

But enough of this parenthetical, hypothetical, whatever-thetical crap. Onto today’s lesson in being, well, me.

“Fillies and gentlecolts, if I could have your attention.” I gave a hearty pause, allowing them to pay heed to my words of wisdom... and let me compose the rest of my thoughts. “This class, as you may have gathered, is incredibly necessary to your health, because, as we all know, going outside is something we do every. Fucking. Day. And it is our duty to sit here and listen about things that not a single one of us has any clue about. Not even Ms. Breakback back there.” A couple of colts in the back started to snicker, the rest seemed mildly entertained, my rare outburst taking a few by surprise, “Now come to think of it-”

I was cut off by the sound of the newly-dubbed Ms. Breakback throwing a ruler at the back of my head and nicking my ear– good goddess, she had a good... jaw... for an old mare! “Sit back down now, before I have your rations removed for the rest of the week!” She said through gritted teeth.

Whereas this was not my first time having to do something because I spoke out in class, it was my first having to turn around and address them in an attempt to embarrass me. Mistake. A lot didn’t know it, but I liked to read. I wasn’t an egghead as some had claimed (before getting zapped with a miniature arc-welder, I might add) but I did enjoy reading about the honeyed words of adventurers in lands afar. And apparently vaporized. I’m not shy to talking to a crowd either. Something’s definitely wrong with me... also a claim I can’t say is not unfamiliar to my infamously tagged “omnipotent ears.” I don’t know why they think that, but whatever.

At this point, it was decidedly so that I was going to be seeing the overmare in her office again. Maybe I could settle this thing without having to beat her over the head with a Big Book of Arcane Sciences again. Figuratively, that is.

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“Well, you’ve done it again,” the red and yellow old mare looked at me with pleading eyes, “you’ve gone and made yourself look like an idiot. Again. Why do I always have to do this to you? Always you? Just you?” Her face would’ve looked cute in all its sadness, had she been a generation younger. And, you know, not my mom. She sighed and looked at me with regret.

“She definitely had it coming. You know she had it coming. The whole stable knew she had it coming.” I avoided her gaze and instead looked up toward the lights that filled the room with an effervescent glow. Grey ceiling, grey walls, grey floors. Yep, all systems nominal.

“That isn’t the point. Miz choufleur was just doing her job, the same as you’re doing yours.” She shuffled some papers on her desk. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that one of them had my name on it. Well, horseapples.

“You’re not gonna do what I think you’re gonna do, are you?” I looked around, seeing if I could read just the first bits of that paper... maybe it was one of the loose ones in the stack that I could actually see the first few words of every line... maybe.

“You’re going to to work double shifts tonight, and tomorrow, and the next day. Actually, according to these papers, it’ll be another two weeks,” oh, Celestia scorch my testicals with sun fire. There’s no way in hell I was gonna get any sleep tonight. “And no, talking with your father will not be of any benefit to you. Goddesses know what he’s up to right now, so don’t even think of bothering him. You remember what happened the last time you surprised him at work.” Now it was just a glance in my direction and the obvious face of disapproval. Okay then. I can deal with it.

The second I trotted out the open door, I no longer felt the nicely air conditioned breeze of the overmare’s office, but instead the annoyingly moist, hot air of the atrium and halls beyond. Great. My frustration must have been palpable. I hate it when this kind of fuckery is about the stable. Some days I can get away with it, and others… this shit happens.

Blind Iridescence walked up right beside me and nuzzled my flank. There’s something more wrong with her than just about anypony else. She’s one weird pink pony. You’re one weird blue pony. She didn’t even let me get to my room before she could break in and make me feel even more anxiety about future generations. I mean, that kind of name with that kind of personality. Really? Were her parents playing jokes on one another when she was born?

“Hey, there. What’s the Beeebop up to?” She’s using her seductive voice. Why is she using her seductive voice? What did she want? “Why are you looking at me like that? Did I do something to upset you? I know you told me to leave you alone, and that I’m ’a decade younger,” she accented in a mocking voice, before whinnying out the rest of… whatever she had to say, “and that I have no business in your affairs and blah blah blah.” She’s going to be the death of me one day. I could almost be her father and she does… this… constantly. (Although, to be perfectly honest she was only three years younger than me.)

“If you’ve gotta know, I have a date with the 4 o’ clock shift in less than two hours, and if you don’t leave me be so I can eat and attend to my other physical duties, I’ll have you brought to security for being out after your curfew.” I knew that what I said meant nothing: she was always out after curfew and nopony ever gave a crap. She was kinda just made everyone’s day just by being there. Except maybe mine. Her morale-boosting tricks didn’t exactly work on me. Perhaps it was her dusty pink coat. Or it is possible that I just wasn’t interested in younger fillies.

To my delight, she almost looked hurt. “Oh. I’m sorry. I’ll just, you know, leave.” How she could go from a happy disposition to sorrowful mare blew my mind every time.

“Wait,” well I figured maybe I could get something out of this, “what did you really want to say?” I said with my best “I’m sorry” smile. It must’ve looked painful.

“Well… could you maybe. Uhm. Talk to the overmare and uh… askhertoletmechangejobs?” Well that was surprising. And from out of absolutely nowhere. She loved her clergypony job. Didn’t she?

“While I may be close to the overmare, it is highly unlikely that I can get her to do something like that. It’s completely against protocol, and unfair to everyone else. If I could have another job, I’d take what my cutie mark shows. If I could, you’d have an actual psychiatrist in here,” I tried my best to sound official and whatnot, but it just wasn’t doing anything, “why do you want to change positions, anyway? Maybe the overstallion would be keener to seeing about your problem. What’s more, is that I didn’t think you wanted to get married. Or, at least that’s the only reason I can think of someone not wanting that job. It’s the only one in the stable you can refuse.” (Albeit, the only alternative was working in rations.)

“There’s no one right now that wants to uhm… marry me,” the words sounded agonizing coming from her as she winced at her own articulation, “but I think I could get them to warm up to me.” Now she did sound hurt.

After a pause, I replied, “So I was right. Well I don’t think I can actually do that for you, considering I just got told off for stating that the G-shift teacher was useless. Who is it you had in mind, anyway?” I asked as I started walk down the corridor, lights passing overhead, humming of generators and running water to my side.

It was quiet for a while as she scrunched up her face in thought before saying matter-of-factly, “you n’ the entire stable would’ve known before too long, I think,” so much for getting information out of her. I wasn’t going to bother pressing for information.

She turned and walked away, tail swishing back and forth, synchronized with her hips. I could look, but not touch; she’s just old enough to get married, too young for me. Come to think of it, I thought her job suited her better than half the ponies around here fit into theirs. She always gave the best wedding parties.

The ever-humming grey floor clacked under hoof after each step. Fillies and bucks, barely marked, raced past me on what was most likely their first day of work. It had been my grandmother’s idea to have work start on a synchronized day. The first Monday of the month: easy to keep track of time that way. However, once the crowd had passed, I heard a group of ponies three or four turns ahead whispering about something I figured was bound to be interesting if the tone of the guy reminding them to keep quiet was anything to go by.

It wasn’t much, but I could piece together what I heard, “sub level… lizard thing… medical… dead… hole… wall…” What?! Something had gotten in here? How? That just wasn’t possible. Or maybe I was just being me again, stupid and all. But then again…

I made myself loud and clear as I approached the group, as far as I actually knew, soliciting sex and hoarded Med-X. That got them quiet in a hurry. “Howdy, y’all. I was just on my way to my room to change inta my work barding, and I couldn’t help but overhear somethin’ or other about a hole in somethin’, a pony in medical, and death. We talkin’ ‘bout seditious tales concerning the weak infrastructure of stable 34, or just recitin’ really bad poetry?” The crowd of three nickered amongst themselves about the “clown pony” before actually addressing me.

“Well, considering that you’re the overmare and stallion’s son, we think it’d be kinda stupid to let you in on everything, but we also know that you like to keep things quiet, so we’ll let you in on half of what’s going on.” Whereas the leader of the bunch, Erudition, was one of the better students in class, I’m not totally sure he should have gone ahead and told me he was only going to tell me half of what he knew. It was one of those moments when I nearly facehoofed in the middle of a conversation.

Before he could continue, I interjected with, “Well considering you’re an idiot and just told me that there’s more to it than you’re gonna let on, why don’t you just tell me anyway?” Wiped the smug grin right off his face!

The other two glared at him while he continued, “Oh. Okay. Yeah, maybe we should. Well, the A-shift maintenance workers were, well, working this morning when one of ‘em left to take a leak in the sublevels. He came back screamin’ his head off about how there was a giant lizard bitin’ his leg off. Uh… it turns out that something really did take his leg off. It’s yet to be confirmed that it was actually a lizard or anything, but he sure didn’t look good with half his front left leg missing! They’re saying he was poisoned, too. Looks as though he might die ‘cause it took too long to get him to medical. Regardless, rations is passing out antivenom bulbs to everyone under the pretence that one of the school’s science experiments got out..”

One pregnant pause later, and I parted with a barely audible “thanks.” Erudition looked on with concern in his eyes. The overstallion was going to hear about this.

I had put on my work barding and wandered into the overstallion’s room before all hell broke loose. The conversation with my father lasted exactly five minutes and went fluidly from Carrion’s want for a change in career to rumours of poisonous lizards and a hole in the wall. Just as it looked like I might’ve gotten something done with both of those issues a gunshot outside the door startled both of us. I jumped back and my father fell out of his chair. The one room where everything wasn’t nice and clean; lucky son of a bitch, had he kept his room clean, his head might not of just landed on a stack of magazines, practically unharmed.

Actually, to be more accurate, we didn’t know it was a gunshot. Nopony had ever heard one before in Stable 34. It sounded like the cymbal at the crescendo of a song. In person, and right next to your ear.

Of course, being the figure of authority, Cobalt the overstallion got up, walked to the door, opened the door, poked his head out and had it promptly bitten off.

I may be used to weird shit; it runs in the family, but this was completely, totally, absolutely unexpected. There was no exposition, plot outline, middle, or comprehensible end, let alone introduction precluding what the FUCK had just happened! One second, there was a loud noise, the next, their was one of two protectors of the stable without his head. I couldn’t really see what happened, just a long, arcing claw and it was gone. Horn and all. Oh yeah, did I mention we were unicorns?

And blood was beginning to pool. Oh goddesses, why don’t you treat me to dinner and some alcohol before I get fucked!? I glanced in the direction of one of the faces of power… or where it should be and looked away before I heard a wet THUMP as his body fell to the ground.

My legs began to shake. My heart rate increased. It got really hard to breathe all of a sudden. And I was down. I backed into a corner and hyperventilated long enough to feel the air conditioner stop working and pass out. Now I could be unconscious in an uncomfortable wet heat. Thanks, Stable-Tec. I fucking hate all of you. Make a stable resistant to bombs, but not whatever came after ‘em.

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“Hell’s Bells!” I think there’s a good chance that if I hadn’t had a strictly work relationship with my father I would have gone catatonic right then and there. Thankfully, the shock wasn’t great enough to do that as it was. Seeing blood wasn’t so much of an issue as the lack of a head and everything that goes with it. Awake for a grand total of fifteen seconds and already about to pass out again. Way to go, me.

It became apparent I had been out for quite a while after I noticed that the blood had coagulated and dried in a giant pool around overstallion Cobalt. “By Celestia’s beard, I think it’s been a few hours,” I checked my pipbuck and saw that I wasn’t too far from the mark. In fact, it’d been ten. (A few, ten... it’s all the same, yeah?) “Guess that means I don’t have to go to work then, huh?” Okay Bebop, now is not the time to make jokes. I inhaled and smelled. Well… nothing particularly out of place. Mildew and old books was the norm in the western corridors. The blood hadn’t necessarily begun to smell. (And suddenly I’m okay with a dead guy in the same room as me.) It was going to happen eventually.

I really didn’t want to become the next victim of whatever it was that took off the overstallion’s head, so I crept toward my father for his desk key, listening to everything. Dead quiet. I grabbed the key in my mouth from his back pocket, ass uncomfortably close to my face, and slunk toward his desk. It opened with a very satisfying click and out slid the drawer. Too quickly. The resulting noise was far greater than I’d hoped for.

A long pause. Nothing. Thank goddesses. Inside was a laser pistol, and fifty, (what I assumed were,) clips. It had something inscribed on the handle: “Lyra’s –“ the rest was smudged away. It was written in ink. Old ink. Like from a ballpoint pen. (On metal?) One more thing to go on my steadily growing ‘what the fuck’ list, I guess. Another thing: the second I picked it up, my pipbuck assessed it and gave it a value. But we didn’t have a currency. What... how...? If only I were smarter.

I walked cautiously out of the room, stepping as lightly as I could over (and through) the blood on the floor and body it belonged to. Yep. Still disgusting. I think if it hadn’t been for watching an operation or two, I’d be vomiting all over the place.

Looking outside the door took me some time to get used to. The lights were still running, the generators still humming, the air conditioning had kicked back in, and the only thing out of place was the body count in the hallway. That did it. All over the place. On my hooves and in my mane, and on the overstallion. Oh, goddesses I was going to need a shower. The second I finished though, it occurred to me that out of all of this, the best thing for me to do now would be to actually start using this glorified wrist watch.

I brought up the Eyes Forward Sparkle, a program that only security ever really used, and saw two white bars accompanied by a whole bunch of nothing. What the hell did two white bars mean? Time to find out.

Tiptoeing through the hallway, trying not to touch the assorted organs of those on the floor, I made my way toward the closest white bar, judging by how it moved off to one side more quickly than the other. Actually, for all I knew, it could be on one of the floors below me. What’d I have to lose, though?

Interestingly, enough, by the time I got there, eight or ten more white bars had shown up on my E.F.S. Out of the 300-some ponies that lived here, that wasn’t a very good sign. Why am I so okay with this? Even more interesting, however, was the fact that as I was getting there, I saw that just about every door into dormitories had been cut with what looked like a welding torch... but more than that. It was like it just melted away like butter, or maybe torn like paper was a better analogy. The marks on the wall suggested it was either caused by a steady beam or claws. The mere thought of the latter scared the shit out of me. Most interesting of all, though, was that one: the pony I had made my way to appeared to be in my room. Or maybe it wasn’t a pony... I’d just kind of assumed it was a pony. And two: my door wasn’t torn apart. Oh well, don’t look a gift monkey in the face.

I pushed a button in the center of the door and waited for the solid steel doors to part and rip themselves asunder into the ceiling and floor. And was greated by a muffled scream. A dusty pink pony with a hoof shoved in her mouth attempting to silence her own fear as I paced semi-casually into the room, ‘Octavia’ hovering at my side.

The second the doors closed, she stopped screaming and collapsed in a pile of tears. I looked down at her with the most unamused look on my face that I could conjure. In a corner, frightened beyond comprehension was that weird little filly. With a bit of effort, I dropped Octavia and lifted her telekinetically onto my bed. She wasn’t going to be helpful sitting in front of my safe. I trotted over to my clothes drawer, magically locked the door from where I was, opened my clothes drawer, got out my saddle bags and went to my standard issue Stable 34 safe, painted cobalt blue, unlocked it with the password I found at the bottom of my list of notes on my pipbuck, brought out a single healing potion, 5 bobby pins (who the fuck decided to put these in here?) One half of a syringe of Med-X, twenty pre-war bits, a fancy buck cake snack, and the weirdest looking Sparkle Cola I’d ever seen. Granted, I’ve only ever been in the presence of a grand total of three. ‘Sparkle Cola: Diamond!’ an exuberant buck declared. Iridescence gasped for air. I did nothing but run my hooves through my mane. It was so humid in there.

^^^***^^^

Now it was time for me to panic. In no time, I joined my oxymoronic acquaintance in the struggle for air as I thought about, really thought about... what I’d seen. If I had any say, I wouldn’t be moving for a good, long time.

Hoofnote: Level up! (1)

Base perk: Swift Learner: self explanatory.

Trait: Cool Headed: You like to play it cool! While in verbal, physical, or other combat with a hostile party, gain +3 Endurance. Base Endurance is set to 4. As a result, your calm demeanor has given you the supreme accuracy akin to one of Equestria’s Finest! Guns and energy weapons you fire are 20% more accurate and ignore an extra 1 DT at the cost of 20% more AP and 20% slower fire rate.

Trait: Claustrophobic: You feel constricted by enclosed spaces. Gain a +1 buff to all SPECIAL attributes while outdoors. Suffer a -1 penalty to all SPECIAL attributes while indoors.

Equestrian Blues

Fallout: Equestria: Wasteland Shuffle

~Bebop n’ Company

Chapter 1: Wasteland Blues

“...your very own pipbuck!”

I saw my father once, briefly. My real father. I wasn’t supposed to be there; a place away from the cameras’ eyes. She wanted to show me. It was nice. He looked like a pleasant stallion. I’d thought him quite a bright individual. Literally and figuratively. His coat could’ve been spotted a mile away- bright, as though he’d never aged. The man taking care of me had long since faded, as I would. I wished I’d gotten to meet him again. Talk a while. Ask him how things were going. What he was like when he was my age.

That was all a very long time ago.

Yep. Haven’t moved in a while. The air was beginning to smell. Yes. Very much so, and in a bad way. Iridescence (might as well call her something easy to say) didn’t seem to mind at all, on the other hand. Wow, it’s hot. She still wouldn’t talk about anything that had happened, though. Sure. Leave me in the dark.

“We need to get going. Now would be preferable,” I remarked casually to my quietly whimpering... friend. (It feels like I should be kicking myself for thinking that.) She stood on the bed, shook her head, and wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her barding. I levitated out my reading glasses and case from the top of my coat rack. (What was the point of that thing, anyway?) Who knew if I was gonna be able to read later, but I’d rather have ‘em and not need ‘em than need and not have.

Iridescence hopped off my bed just as I grabbed an issue of Meeting Ponies from the corner. She caught it in her teeth. She looked at me once, paused, turned, and bucked me in the face! “Now isn’t the fucking time for that!” Now she was a red bar. That’s what that was, “I see you don’t have any sense of morals or-or-or anything! I knew you were stuck up and spoiled b-but t-t-taking... that is jus- st p-plain out un-unsensitive!” she started crying again. I rubbed my jaw and noticed a warning on my pipbuck saying that I’d apparently already cracked a tooth, and my neck had come close to being snapped! She didn’t say much, but she sure as hell got her point across.

I dropped the Meeting Ponies Before she could do any more damage. I wanted out, but I also didn’t think the outside could be uninhabitable. I sincerely hoped it was, though. Maybe it was selfish, but I really just didn’t want to be here with all of these... bodies. My room’s air conditioning had kicked back on and I was starting to feel better already. But there was something different about the air. It smelled... fresh? Woah, starting to like the smell of rotting flesh?

Iridescence looked miserable as she made it to the door. I suppose my patent appearance of indifference didn’t make her feel any better. I might be more empathetic if I hadn’t been only been conscious for two and a half hours and had no idea what actually happened, “the last thing I remember is that my father’s head was sliced clean off. Know anything about that? Know why? I’m sure you do. I think that you really, really do. Seriously, give me a-”

She wasn’t paying attention. So the little filly won’t talk? No more red bars on my E.F.S. Even Blind Iridescence had returned to being white. She definitely wasn’t happy with me, but my pipbuck didn’t register her as hostile. Good. I think I’ll be avoiding any and all hoof-to-hoof conflict for a while. Actually, make that forever. If I you have a choice, you’re going to avoid hoof to hoof combat because it hurts too much? My condolences.

I stopped stymieing myself and downed half the healing potion to fix my cracked tooth. I didn’t feel like tasting copper for the next several hours. I looked around my room one more time. Funny; I never really thought of this place as my room. I never really thought of this place as my stable. Never even really considered that in a while, this place would’ve been mine. Huh. Too late for that now. I wondered how many other ponies must have been forced out of their homes for crap out of their control. Judging by how Stable-Tec fucked ours over, I’d guess most, if not all of ‘em.

I pressed the button and the door opened as it should. The E.F.S. still showed ten other white bars. I turned to Iridescence, “Two things we need to get straight. I plan on getting this situation under control before anything else, but I digress, can I call you Iridescence?”

She looked up, startled, “Uh... yeah. Sure,” she sniffed and looked back down. I knew she wasn’t used to hearing other people take charge. Maybe that’s not why she was startled. I don’t know why I was the one that had to this time. I’m okay with it, but still.

“Second: I see ten or so ponies on this thing,” I said, pointing to my pipbuck, “we’re gonna go find ‘em, ‘kay?” The second thing got her to look up and stare into my eyes. Hope. –Before blinking and looking down, a despondent aura all about her. Iridescence is a good name for her. She nodded and nickered at herself before and walked out with me and the door closed.

Well that was major mistake number one I made today. My already vomit covered hooves and mane got even more... covered, “thanks,” She looked up at me, surprised. Did you just say that aloud? “Sorry!” Are you really? She looked back to the floor, shaking and embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to say that,” I whispered to myself. I had to lead her in the right direction with my magic while she kept her eyes closed. It occurred to me at this point, that I never had to use anything but basic telekinesis. I didn’t think I’d ever used anything else. Ever. A problem, maybe?

“It’s fine,” I heard her whisper, almost inaudible. I couldn’t do anything but nod.

We made our way slowly across the hallway, stumbling every other step. The next pony had locked himself in a locker. Golden Heart... I guess it was ‘make everypony sick’ on Bebop hour. It didn’t really matter, so long as that air conditioner kept going. We were going to have problems if it stopped.

We went room to room, hallway to hallway, looking for everypony else that managed to survive the onslaught of... whatever it was. Again, nothing but long (claw?) marks and dismembered bodies. Curious. Disgusting, yes, but curious all the same. Nothing had been taken, so far as I could tell. I took assorted foodstuffs and the spark battery from a downed robot butler with his tray in the hall. I’d never been more glad that I’d been able to mess with these things when they broke down. I seemed to have taken my freedoms for granted around here. And now I was leaving just in time to never need to use the knowledge I had.

The last pony to get turned out to be Choufleur. However, the most amazing thing of all was that there was a dead... thing in the room with her waiting patiently behind an overturned desk. She seemed to have pinned it under her clothes bureau before working at its neck with a cleaver for what must have been an hour, judging by how think the hide was.

Tall, scaly, and it looked like a dog! A huge, scaly dog! Its claws were incredibly sharp, but it seemed to have a naturally curving spine that didn’t particularly work to its advantage. I think it wasn’t able to get up, just roll on its side and slide around on the daily-waxed floor under a heavy wardrobe.

She was also the only pony that didn’t lose her stomach the second she checked the hall. Regardless, I don’t think she was in a very good state for a while afterward. We exchanged glances and wordlessly apologised for what had happened earlier.

It might be relevant to note, however, that when Iridescence got a look at it, she started hyperventilating again, and I instinctively pulled her closer before she could run for it. It was at this point that I managed to get a good look at her own pipbuck, painted... ‘her’ pink. The screen had been ripped apart from corner to corner in a straight line. Even the spell matrix had been wrecked. I didn’t think she’d be using it again any time soon. Too bad.

“What’ll you do, now?” I asked Choufleur (for the first time it hit me that her name was extremely odd.)

“Nopony here quite knows. You were out of the picture, from the looks of it– everypony else is talking about it, and you seem clueless,” she remarked, then with a grin added, “although that would be the norm for you, wouldn’t it?” She seemed quite pleased with herself for that one, “I don’t mean to make this sound... rushed... or anything, but do you think... maybe you could see if we can live out there? See if anything could pose as a kind of civilisation?” Well I knew who could read minds.

The whole “civilisation” thing threw me through a loop, though, “I’m sorry, but uh... weren’t you always the one preachin’ ‘bout how the outside was uninhabitable?” I mean, there was nothing wrong with the stable, there were no rumours of anything big on the rise, it was a completely normal day. No reason to go outside, so why should we? There shouldn’t even be speculation of an outside community. I didn’t think that there could’ve been much of a chance that she’d had too much time to think specifically about leaving. Oh, there was no reason to leave?

“Let’s get something straight right now, young stallion, I only taught what I was told to teach. But there’s also something far more important,” a pregnant pause, “I want you to take Blind Iridescence out there with you, she seems to cling to you like... well... chems to an addict,” this was new information! “And if I had to guess, everyone else she had ties with is dead, so that leaves you, besides, you might need somepony like her. You’re level-headed... not to mention that ‘Blind’ fits her all too well. You’re not panicking or vomiting, at least. We’ll move all of this... waste... away before it gets too hazardous or unpleasant to be around. We’ll take everything we can with us and go wherever is safest, but I think if that smell in the air is what I think it is, then I’d be happy to walk out of here as quickly as I could.”

She had been right about the smell I’d noticed earlier. It was stronger here. Wet.

I stared at her for a moment before saying, “I’m sorry to keep ya from taking care of yourself, but what was that part about Bli- err Iridescence, again? You know she an’ I don’t get along too terribly well and I don’t think she really clings to me as much as you say she does. No more than anypony else, right?” I gave my best... okay, let’s face it, it was a pretty bad-looking concerned smile.

“You don’t pay very close attention to her, do you? Which way do your, ah... barn doors swing, anyway?” She blushed at her own comment. Gotta say, it didn’t look very flattering on an ancient mare. Moreover though, was that it struck me as rather inappropriate to ask that now, given that we were standing no more than twenty feet from decomposing ponies.

About as calmly as I could, I replied, “one way only,” I realised that really could’ve referred to anything and added, “I prefer to push them in, and I don’t like mine to do the same. While you may have taught us that the golden rule always applies, I don’t think it actually does in this context. I’m just sayin’, miss.” While that still could’ve left the answer quite open-ended and nonsensical, I think I got the point across. I turned around and grabbed Iridescence with my telekinesis and dragged her to the overmare’s office with me. There were a few things we were gonna have to get straight.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Of course she was dead. And of course there was a gaping fucking hole in the wall behind her desk. And her head. Couldn’t have just used the door one story down, eh? It smelled wet and there was a rather chilly breeze coming in from the dark hole. I checked the E.F.S. Just us.

With a bit of effort, I picked up a table from the corner of the room and covered up the gap where part of a terminal should’ve been. Just as I set it down, there was an earsplitting KABOOM! as something made the entire room shake.

I don’t know what that was, but I knew I never wanted to hear it ever again. It made me jump out of my skin! Iridescence had curled up in a ball, as if she wasn’t hard enough to talk to as it was. To my relief, at least some ponies care, several of those we’d found rushed to the door and shouted at us. “Everything okay in there?” I wasn’t completely sure how to answer, and ended up nodding for a few seconds before I realised they couldn’t see me and answered, “yeah.”

“Okey dokey lokey,” I could hear one say on the other side, followed by weak, almost painful laughter. Dusk and company. Everything else was as it should be. No sign of a real fight, no scavenging of anything, though I doubt anypony else would have been dumb enough to come out of their hiding place just to do that. Around the room was simple enough: another door leading to her bedroom and bath, her work desk welded securely to the center of the floor.

The overmare lay in a collective slough of dried blood in and around her office chair. I exhaled deeply and moved her away so I could get a look at the contents. Inside was a holotape. Correction: two holotapes, a sparkle cola, a key (I assumed for the stable door locking mechanism– now pointless, it would seem, looking at the hole) and twenty more ‘clips’ for Octavia. I twisted the cap off of the sparkle cola and gave it to my borderline hysterical companion while I promptly sat in the middle of the floor and listened to the first holotape.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

“This is City Lights, acting overmare of Stable 34. It has come to my attention that there was some slight shaking in this wing earlier this morning. I’d like to see if the emergency shock absorbers are still functioning. Note: this is for maintenance for the 26th of this month. (Oh, damn, I’ve put everything out of order!)” There was a quiet scraping in the background that was hard for me to ignore. She must have made the recording recently. I probably would’ve been the one to go down there and check the springs. I would have to take a look before I left. “There is a strange noise coming from my wall, and it is reported that there was a similar complaint coming from the lower levels. Something about a lizard biting somepony’s head off. Or was it a leg? So she was in on it too. Well, that’ll be all. I have to deal with another F-shift student.”

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

It clicked as it ended rather briefly, just as I’d gotten the bass and treble to where I liked them. That was short, but at least I figured out she’d made it right before talking to me. I must have been the F-shifter. I wondered what had happened to the scratching while we had talked.

It occurred to me that this was made strikingly close to what must’ve been the incident leading to her punctured skull. Well, there’s no time to worry about that now. The stable apparently wants me to leave. They must not like you very much. But before I did that, I’d be needing a shower and sleep. And a talk with the kid.

“Okay,” I said standing and stretching, “I’m going to need you to do something for me; I need you to get extra clothes, and round up some food. Oh. And check in the lower wings for tools or more of these...” I checked the label, written on crude electrical tape wrapped around the center of a clip, “energy cells. We’ll get some sleep, sanity permitting, and we’ll leave whenever.” Oh-one hundred ante-mareidian. Wonderful. It was be like high school all over again.

I tapped her horn a few times before she looked up, half-filled bottle in her iridescent, telekinetic grip. (It’s like her parents knew the name was going to fit her so well! Or did she adapt to fit her name? Some things, ponies like me would never be able to figure out.) “I heard what the teacher said. I heard what you said. It’s okay. I’ll go find what you need, and we can go.” She seemed insistent that we leave quickly. I think I’d rather take my own damn time, thank you very much.

As she trotted out the door, I smelled myself. Yeah, still vomit. Most of it wasn’t even mine. The air conditioners stopped. Confound these hourly cycles! I shucked off my barding and walked into the overmare’s shower before standing there for a good ten minutes, water streaming over me, letting everything soak in and wash out. I didn’t feel sad, or remorse, or regret. Just tired. I thought harder about what happened today than anything else, looking for some sort of connection, something I’d missed leading up to this. It couldn’t have just happened all at once for no reason. Could it? Or maybe it could. Who knew? Not you.

I walked out, black and green mane covering up most of my vision, only a part in the center formed by my horn that allowed me to see much of anything. And then two things manifested themselves within my mind that froze me in place. Things sure are coming in pairs of two today, aren’t they? The first was that I sent Blind Iridescence down there with the other opening on the other end of the stable! The other was that I sent her down there without a key to any of the tool rooms. Celestia damn my incompetence!

I ran past everypony in the dining room, apparently the place they’d decided to sleep from now on. (Not what I would have picked.) Avoiding the dead bodies and slipping on the floor and falling onto one of said bodies.

My mane was whisked out of my eyes as I galloped down the stairs. Shit! The E.F.S! I checked it just long enough to lose concentration and trip halfway. I stumbled and fell down the remaining steps before coming to a stop. I’d seen a white bar. Just a white bar. Everything else was behind me, “Oh goddess. A white. Bar. Thankgoddessthankgoddessthankgoddess,” I nickered to myself before resting my eyes for just a moment. Only a moment.

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

I awoke to the tapping of a hoof on my forehead. “I’m sorry!” I said automatically as I got back up. A guilty conscience?

“Sorry for what?” Asked a young mare’s voice. It was her. Good. How could I have blacked out, I only fell... huh, it didn’t seem like I’d fallen very far at the time. I never realised how much of a drop it was from the middle basement to sub-basement.

“I uh. Well, I sent you down here without a key to anything, and I heard sompony got hurt down here because of one of those... dog. Lizard. Things,” casting a glance around the room, though, there were a few ponies more than just “hurt” down here. Also, one of the tool closets was open, and I know E-shifters don’t have keys, “and how did you get that door open?”

“I am a painter in my spare time,” she replied with a smirk, “lock picking isn’t unlike the swish of a paintbrush against a leveling tool to keep it going in the right direction.” A mystery solved: how she always managed to get into ponies’ rooms with them none-the-wiser.

“But... how? I don’t even know where you would begin, to be honest,” I guess I just didn’t know how locks worked. I’d never needed to. I’d always had a key to everything.

“That’s for me to know, and for you to find out later.” She turned and swished her tail my face, showing a few... parts, I don‘t think she intended.

I looked away out of courtesy to the younger pony, and stammered, “you, um, just get s-some sleep and I’ll be r-right up,” I looked back and noticed she was carrying somepony else’s saddlebags. They weren’t ‘her’ pink. “I just bumped my head on the way down, if you hadn’t noticed.” I said, wondering why she hadn’t said anything about the condition she’d found me in.

As she sauntered up the stairs, she replied, “I actually thought you were dead at first. I was really about to scream, but when I got to you, your pipbuck said you were alive, well, you were breathing, too, but I didn’t figure that out until afterward. You should probably see about that ‘bump’ you got, but I don’t think you should... worry too much,” she sounded much more calm now than she was earlier. Oh-one hundred forty five hours ante-mareidian, read the pipbuck. I’d still be getting more sleep than I thought I would tonight.

A quick look around told me a lot; it also felt fresh and wet down here, E-shift had probably been some of the first to go, judging by the smell, and that there was an even larger hole staring into a blowing darkness. There wasn’t any surface to see, even with light pouring out from the hole. Wow, was it dark out there. I grabbed another two tables and put them in place from around the floor’s surrounding rooms. Anything that could serve as a possible deterrent to whatever was out there. At least I found out how the first pony got hurt.

So, wait. The first pony was hospitalized for the lack of a leg and poisoning. I seriously hoped something that dangerous wasn’t poisonous, too. Or, rather, venomous, as it may have been. A trot to the shock absorbing springs (gotta love that earth-pony magic!) showed no signs of decay or malfunction. Now my guess shifted from earthquake to whatever it was that made the room shake earlier.

Checking all of the tool rooms, I became aware that I was not wearing anything. I may not have been shy about showing my cutie mark, but I still felt more comfortable in clothing of some sort. When in one of the unlocked closets, I took a flame-retardant article of barding and put that on. (And here I thought I’d never get to wear a welder pony’s suit.) Upon finalising my inspection of the sub-basement, I concluded that Iridescence had taken just about everything of value, save a few cartons of cigarettes: a pass-time betting currency that would never be used again.

When I got back upstairs, the other (twelve!) told me that the sounds persisted, and that one, Finale, had theorized that there was thunder and lightning wreaking havoc about the land! Amazing. The other two ponies had apparently come up from the generator rooms, where pipbuck signals got fuzzy. How convenient. Ultimatum and Corduroy had been skipping work when everything happened. Whatever had attacked, they ignored that room. Lucky for them, considering everyone else’s fate. These two were inconsolable, though; nothing anypony had said or did would get them to stop crying or staring off into space. I just hoped they wouldn’t go crazy.

After checking everypony else, I went on to the overmare’s room, where Iridescence had drifted to sleep on the tremendous bed that took up a fourth the room. (My parents had had a strangely platonic relationship.) I wondered what job Iridescence had had in mind when she said she wanted to change. Did she really care? She was an excellent artist. The only one the stable had seen in two generations. Interesting: the more you think about it, the more boring it gets.

I took off her barding as carefully as I could, stripped myself of my own and lay down on the opposite end of the enormous bed. i don’t care what she thinks, I’ve never had the chance to sleep on something like this, and now that I have the ability...

We would be heading out the next day to goddess-knows-where. An aspiring psychology and maintenance pony, son of the ruling powers of the stable and apparently no spell expertise as per anything that wasn’t rudimentary, and a painter and clergy pony. How the hell were we supposed to get anything done? There were so many questions that I wanted answers to. Maybe tomorrow... oh-three hundred forty three. Damn. I wasn’t going to get much sleep.
–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––
Waking up was the hardest part. It always is. My eyes slowly opened and closed. The air conditioning hummed to life. Half of my mind told me to rest just a bit longer, the other told me that I had a job to do. Why is it your job? Somewhere in my semi-conscious slumber, I’d turned on the vault’s radio system. My song was on.

“It ain’t your business to lie,
It ain’t your business to weep,
You’ve gotta get up er’y day,
And dig in deep!

Gimme a cheer! (yeah!)
Now move your plot;
Everypony knows the cow-pony bebop!”

The tune got me to keep my eyes from closing again, at least. I checked my pipbuck again: 06:34. I inhaled deeply before thinking aloud, “I got three hours of sleep,” annoyed at how little actual shut-eye I’d gotten. I was awake now. Funny, though, was the fact that the booms had subsided, and I could hear the faint pitter patter of what sounded like water. I couldn’t quite put my hoof on what I thought it was.

A glance to my left showed that the bedroom door was still closed. Nothing had happened. This time I exhaled with relief, a breath I hadn’t realised I’d been holding. A look to my right– woah! Iridescence was just a bit too close for comfort! I could feel and smell her breath on my neck. She was right up against me. I wasn’t particularly fond of the thought that there was a mare so close to me without getting to know her better first.

However, waking her up wasn’t exactly the first thing on my to-do list. I checked my vital signs: sure enough, I’d gotten a concussion when I fell down the stairs. I wasn’t crippled per se, but it probably wasn’t good for my health. Most ponies never got more than a scraped knee in their entire lives down here! I carefully levitated over my saddle bags and got the half-filled healing potion out, uncorked and downed it, the purplish fluid beginning to course through my veins.

Iridescence (her name really grows on you) shifted next to me and started to yawn. Here comes the awkward moment when she wakes up pressed against me. Instead, though, she nuzzled the nape of my neck and ensconced herself snuggly in place. Now it was even weirder.

Then, I had an idea. Probably a bad one. Actually, it was more a tugging sensation at the back of my mind forcing me to do it. I used my magic to keep her body weightless while I painstakingly slithered off the bed and hit the floor with a muffled thump. I proceeded to slowly release my grip so as not to disturb her, beads of sweat forming across my face. Almost dropped her.

When I was done, I tip-hoofed to both of our saddlebags. Inside mine was the transparent sparkle cola, Octavia’s –, 70 clips of crystal ammunition. Actually, upon closer inspection, the latest bit I gathered appeared to be glowing a bit more brightly than the other ones. They weren’t labeled any differently, though, so I put them back with everything else, assuming I’d figure it out later. The remainder of the pack was filled with one half a syringe of Med-X, (Half?) a 200-year-old fancy buck cake snack (good until the thousandth anniversary of Luna’s return!), 20 pre-war bits, and five bobby pins. (Again, why were those in there?)

I slipped into my welder pony’s barding, a slightly shinier version of normal vault attire, and stuck my head out the door as the two pieces slid up and down with a metallic hiss. I could see where the dining room was from here. Actually, you could see where almost everything branched off to from here! My song came to a crescendo as it faded away into piano-heavy blues. I was certain that if I hadn’t heard it a million times before, I’d think the music mix was pretty classy.

I trotted down the hallway before looking into the room. Somepony had been up all night moving the corpses of the fallen. Eleven ponies now lined up and down the farthest wall on double-stacked mattresses made up what was the new stable hostel. Some crying or whimpering in the light coming from the doorway, others showed deep, slow breathing. At least I didn’t feel too bad about being able to sleep after all that had happened. Cauliflower, (that’s what I’d be calling her from now on), on the other hoof, surprised me by coming from the inside corner to my left, apparently keeping watch over them, and spoke to me.

“Are you ready to go out there? Is Iridescence ready? Will you be okay?” She didn’t sound worried or concerned about what might happen, just anxious. She looked out into the hallway and down at the floor, the red and white linoleum blending seamlessly into dull grey. I wondered briefly if that was some kind of hidden metaphor
one of the designers at Stable-Tec had thought of to convey feelings of their days going to blend together in here. Nah.

My answer was a quick one, not really thought out, but supposed to relay my thoughts effectively, “Yeah. Yes. Should be.” Mr. Eloquent, it would seem. She looked at me and gave me an expression of earnest sympathy. It made the old mare look downtrodden.

“I just want to make sure that you’re prepared. I hope it isn’t... too dangerous out there. Please come back as soon as you can. We’ll wait for four weeks, no more. Personally, I hope you’re back long before then, but I understand that things do happen. Take some food and water with you, oh, and a blanket,” she picked up a spare one from the corner and held it hovering in front of me before I enveloped it in my own, blue, telekinetic grip, “If it takes any longer, though, I’ll gather everypony up and we’ll go south from the stable door. Good luck. I think you’ll need it.” I stuck the blanket in one of my saddlebags and nodded with a melancholy sigh.

“I’ll get right to it, ma'am. I’ll make sure Iridescence doesn’t get hurt, and that everypony has a home in a month’s time. Do me a kindness, though: don’t nag everyone’s ears off.” I meant it to be a facetious statement, but without the ability for me to form a smile, it just sounded like I was being mean. I gave what most likely looked like the most painful smile in existence to make up for it.

Cauliflower rolled her eyes at me and turned away, mumbling under her breath about how I never could figure out when I looked like an idiot and correct myself in time. I hated admitting she was about as right as she could possibly be about that.

On the counter, next to a scratched-up robot butler, were twenty bottles of water, and forty bottles of paste-based hay tubes. What a feast. Oh, but what was this? Two boxes of dandy buck apples? I’d be taking these, as well!

“Have a nice day, good stallion!” said the robot as I walked away, his volume module most likely damaged during... the slaughter. Whether or not those had been for us, they were now; Ms. Cauliflower had begun to nod off in her corner again, and nopony else seemed to give a damn. They wouldn’t miss it anyway. (Cauliflower may have said take food and water, but I don’t think she intended to take almost six week’s worth!)

While I made my way back, I paid special attention to my pipbuck’s functions, as I figured I’d be using them more from now on. Needless to say, it was a slow walk back, my falling and tripping into things making me stumble and stop almost every other step. Apparently I had roughly one hundred and ten (bits?) worth of things in my inventory, not including Octavia. Most notably, however, the sparkle cola: diamond went for a whopping seventy-two, as opposed to pre-war bits which were measured in a way that only allowed them to be worth much of anything in bunches. Also, I could apparently activate something called S.A.T.S. or the Stable-Tec Arcane Targeting Spell. The pipbuck’s pre-installed notes didn’t do much in the way of explaining anything other than it would allow me to more accurately get a lock on enemy combatants. Obviously intended for security purposes. In what context would that kind of spell be necessary in a stable?

The only thing it didn’t give even the most perfunctory of descriptions was as to how it managed to assess everything and give it a value in a currency that may or may not have been in existence. I’m not even sure the pipbuck technicians could’ve been bothered to answer that one well enough to suit anypony.

In the last few steps to the overmare’s door, however, lay a boxy looking thing with a trigger and 6 metallic rectangular cartridges strewn about near a pool of dried blood. It was in good condition, seeing as security had to clean their weapons on a monthly basis. It was definitely one of the things I’d heard go off outside the overstallion’s door. I picked it up and shoved it into my saddlebags, too. Something told me Iridescence was going to need it.

As the door opened, the same fresh, wet scent came back with gusto as a cold wind blew through the desk-covered open hole. The overmare’s body still lay in the center of the room. Who says you have to respect the dead? Holding my breath, I dragged her out by my teeth and laid her against the wall. When I walked back in and through the next set of doors, I got a good look at Iridescence resting peacefully on the bed, having moved only a bit since I left. The scene very nearly brought a smile to my face.

07:28. Probably a good time to get going. Or maybe sleep. Maybe just for a moment. I took off the saddlebags again and curled up next to Iridescence. This was the last time I’d get to do this in a stable, at least for a while.

^^^***^^^

09:02. Cauliflower had been knocking on the door to wake us up. She didn’t even seem surprised to find us curled together on the bed. She didn’t ask questions. I hope she didn’t get the wrong idea. Either way, when she escorted us to the stable door, something I’d only ever seen a few times when we had to work on the spring system, the goodbye was wordless. There needn’t have had any further verbal exchange: we knew what we had to do, and we were going to do it.

The door screeched open. Iridescence had received the 10mm pistol as we walked past the door and into a cave. The door shut behind us, and all I could think about was how a total of 14 ponies from stable 34 out of hundreds had managed to live. Goddesses damn it, I hoped not everything was that dangerous out there.

And then there were two. Two of us in a cave leading to a very dim light at the end of a narrow tunnel. If this was any kind of foreshadowing about my future out here, I wasn’t going to be very thrilled about life out there. I hoped that Cauliflower’s doubts about the outside, including radiation and poisonous ash were justified and correct. The tunnel seemed interminable, cruel, and cold. Mostly the last bit. Frankly, I enjoyed it... Iridescence was shivering, though. Then it hit me: Cauliflower had given me one, count ‘em, one blanket, and I was pretty sure she didn’t have one, unless it happened when I wasn’t looking. Not even a possibility, is it?

Luna rip me a new one. Was she legitimately trying to tell me something, forgetful, fucking with me, or a combination of two or more of those things? There was a gust of wind, and Iridescence jumped. The walk to the door was simultaneously solemn and tense. We paused at the door, hesitating, and then pushed it open in one swift movement.

The ground was soil, like from the potted plant my father kept by his bed, but more... dead. There were trees down the hill from where we were: black, leafless versions of those that I had seen in picture books as a foal. There was a long, ever-expanding bridge to my left. An enormous mountain, encompassed by what looked like an outline of the back end of a city, grey and lifeless to the south, according to my pipbuck’s E.F.S. (Canterlot?)

A tall tower sprung up out of the ruins of another decaying past metropolis, far to the east, across rolling hills, and other small buildings along a series of snaking, branching roads. Then there was the ceaseless water, pouring from the– “Oh shit!” I shouted and looked down with my eyes clenched tight. Iridescence was kissing the ground, and I wouldn’t move. Weren’t we a pair?

It must’ve been the sky. Ponies used to live under the sky. This charcoal, menacing sky. No. It was blue in my picture books: it had been on the adjacent page to the word, “perception” in my You’re SPECIAL book. (“P is for Perception, a long and funny word, it means what I tasted, smelled, saw, and heard.” –Look at me, referencing children’s literature when I feel like I’m going to be sucked into my death!) These were clouds. Pegasi lived on and in them. They controlled them. I was going to be okay. I steadily opened my eyes, one at a time, keeping my focus toward the ground ahead of me. I’d have to get used to the great, smoky expanse looming over my head later. Shelter from this downpour was first on my list of things to find.

Iridescence was being a nuisance at this point, edging her way to my hooves. She hadn’t said anything since we’d gotten up. I hoped it wasn’t because of where and how she had awoken. No, she’s petrified, you idiot! I inhaled sharply and floated her up to her feet, holding her upright with my magic.

My mane was completely drenched, and my barding was beginning to cling to my coat. The only bits of us that were going to be dry in the next few minutes would be restricted to the places where our pipbucks covered our legs. I looked around for anything nearby that could’ve passed for shelter. Nothing in sight. It was too hazy to see anything that wasn’t enormous and had a definite outline. A burst of freezing air assaulted us as we shook in the cold, not more than five feet away from the door we came from.

Seven minutes and counting, and already more miserable than I’d ever been. And yet, I felt alive. It crossed my mind that I’d never felt this way ever before, and I was... really diggin’ it. Hot damn, was I ever going to start liking it out here! Regardless of the water streaming through my mane, I felt that I could do better. Far better. I wasn’t going to just sit here. My pipbuck revealed five red bars on my E.F.S. when I made a sweep of the area.

“Iridescence, go back inside. Wait there for just a second, I’ll be right back, okay?” I let go of her with my telekinesis, and she stayed. She nodded and walked with aching slowness back to our home.

For the next little bit, I was going to ignore the gaping hole that threatened to throw me into nothingness and saw that the entrance was located within a rather tall, rocky hill. There was a slight, curving slope going up and around. The whatever-they-were must have been on top. I didn’t care what or who they were. The pipbuck said ‘hostile’ so I was going to take care of it. Arrogant, much?

Keeping my eyes forward and looping around the oddly shingly half-mountain, (if the hulking prominence to the south was anything to go by, that was), I paid close attention to my E.F.S, one white bar and five red ones. As I neared the top though, a certain something piqued my interest– trees. Not like the black, scraggly things down below, but green (pine?) trees! Just like in my books! I was fascinated by how something no more than perhaps five hundred feet higher than the expanse of what I had dubbed, ‘the floor.’ It was like a wonderland of beauty that just begged to be written down, sketched, and shared with everypony.

Just as I started to really get into looking at the bark and sniffing the needles hanging just over the edge, my eyes peaked over the plateau that this hill turned out to be. There were ponies out here! No one from the stable; they were all wearing a weird mish-mash of barding and they all had rusty things at their side: what looked like a crowbar and a golf club, and a strange tube-thing with a handle and levers. The word sounded weird in my mouth as I tried it in a whisper, “rifle.”

Then there was something that really struck me, “Heh, did you hear about the hell hound migration? Biggest one yet! They were supposed to have been here just yesterday! Can you believe that?” Golf Club seemed quite interested in this migration, but his companion, Crowbar, on the other-hand seemed more interested in why whatever had happened did.

“Winter is commin’ y’ijot! This happens every year! Winter also means more food coming down this way from Wintertrot! Migratory bein’s an’ all that shit, all comin’ this way! Food! Fuckin’ food! I’m so tired of having to look for it!” He seemed ecstatic. All this over food?

Crap Rifle seemed to share my opinion and interjected, “oh, be quiet. You ain’t gonna get much anyway. Half the shit that migrates is too fast for you to hit. Actually, I’m pretty sure it’ll be just as hard to get along this fall as it was last year. Luna damn, you two are idiots. Just be on the lookout, we need food. We’re out. You know what that means,” it all sounded a tad like they were talking about birds. Weird, but whatever works. The concept of eating meat wasn’t entirely alien. I could understand it if you didn’t have anything else. Actually, I knew that anything sounded pretty good if you hadn’t had anything in a while. Hunger is the best spice and all that.

Then they went and fucked up my vision of fowl of some sort roasting in an oven. Well, actually, the only thing I had to go on was a picture in the diner of a family eating a meal of salad, an owl perched in the corner. So I guess, more accurately, I had pictured that owl in an oven. The more I thought about it, the weirder it got. Just when I thought that I was going insane, I was proven wrong, that I could, indeed, be crazier, by none other than No-Weapon, “Ponies!” There seemed to be just the faintest sound of insanity in his voice. The others Mm-hmed in calm unison. I couldn’t see their faces, but I was willing to bet at least one was wearing an inane grin.

Oh no you don’t! There were things I could accept: equinsexuality, freedom of expression, death, and even really bad piss jokes. This, on the other hoof, would not ‘fly.’ I don’t think I could ever learn to accept cannibalism. Until today, that had been a word in a book, an ineffable abstraction of somepony’s consciousness. I was quick to judge, and I was willing to spare whomever they had intended on killing in exchange for the lives of a few would-be unlucky souls.

Fuck being sneaky, “May Celestia have mercy on your souls, you bastards!” They jumped as I concentrated as much as I could and levitated Crowbar as high up as I could and dropped him off the edge, sending him rolling. Goddess damn it, that made my horn sore! I brought Octavia out as more of a forethought than anything else. The other four scrambled, now that I could see them, my own face just poking over the rim, they were all earth ponies. Good, none of them had any advantage in particular. I activated S.A.T.S. as quickly as I could, stumbling over the spell matrix as I went about it for the second time in my collective existence.

Levitating that buck had seriously drained my magic, it seemed. I only had about forty percent of my spell charged. I could take a whole one shot... but with startling accuracy. That one shot went straight from the end of Octavia to a raider’s face. A look of surprise formed on his face as it was burned raw. He dropped and his marker turned white. He wouldn’t be an issue anymore. Three left.

That left Golf Club, No-Weapon, and Rifle. The mare with the rusty-looking thing had drawn it and fired before I could’ve done anything about it. There could be no better words to describe what happened, other than, ‘oh shit, how the fuck am I alive, it was pointing right at me.’ I was pretty sure if that thing hadn’t been absolute shit, it would’ve made a nice sized hole right between my eyes, instead, it found a home in the tree just to my right, splintering wet wood everywhere. Before he could do anything else about it, I aimed Octavia right at him and fired, praying that it would hit something.

I hoped that a full, white, horizontal bar by a weapon in inventory indicated that it was in good condition!

It burned straight through his barding and scorched his hide. I was really beginning to like how this weapon handled! I shot another one at him before he could do anything else, and it hit the tree he ducked behind. This was going to get frustrating.

I hopped up onto the same plane as everyone else; it wasn’t all that big, but it did have a tarp strung through the trees and on the ground, keeping five mattresses off the ground, a trench built around it ensuring that they could have a fire and keep their beds dry. There was at least some thought behind these ponies’ actions.

While the one that had had his face scorched was lying down and whimpering, there were still three calling out for me, “come out ya stupid pony, we know you ain’t another Littlepip! Your coat’s too nice! Run away from the Pony Feathers?” Who the hell are Littlepip and Pony Feathers? Those sounded like over-the-top codenames for a foal’s game!

Another jumped in and said in an almost worried tone, “what if it’s one of Security’s friends?” Now it just sounded like they were fucking with me! With S.A.T.S. recharged, I could fire two shots at Rifle’s flank. Eh. A hit is better than no hit. Both shots went through the air, red electricity arcing as the bursts of energy rushed through the falling water and met their target. His barding was for naught: it made nice holes right through it and made his skin raw and pink through his brown coat. His cutie mark was gone.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to get this over with as quickly as possible. I could care less if you bastards live or not. I don’t know who Security, Pony Feahters, or Littlepip are, so you can cram it. Either leave, or I will not hesitate to throw you off the cliff with your friend!” My ears flicked to attention when I heard No Weapon start running toward me. I pointed Octavia and shot, pressing the button down with my magic. No hesitation. He’d be getting a burn for this.

To my utter astoundment, a second later, he was ash floating away with a stream of water. A screaming red pony one second... a pile of embers the next. You killed a pony! You definitely killed a pony. I’d already killed a pony, but I think I was starting to regret what I’d begun at this point, turning one to smoldering embers was brutal, but there was no going back now. Golf Club, now a white bar, ran out from behind his tree and yelled, “don’t shoot, don’t shoot!” after letting him pass, not moving from my spot, I heard him say in astonishment, “you’re alive?!” I guess the other pony must have lived. One less burden on my shoulders. I just hoped they’d run by the stable entrance and not notice it.

The pony with the burned face got up and limped away, a scowl on his face (although it may have just been from him closing his eyes more tightly than a newborn foal.) Rifle was all that was left. He was one resilient bastard, I’d give him that. He leaned around the tree and shot. He caught my ear... my ear... what. The. Fuck? It wasn’t so much a redundant question as it was an order for Luna and Celestia to tell me how I’d just come so close to dying twice in one day. Oh yes, let’s just forget about the one you did kill.

I felt the warm liquid flow from my ear and run down my cheek, “you son of a–” I checked myself. There was no need to be angry about anything. It wasn’t worth getting upset about. I drew in air, released it, inhaled... exhaled, “stop right now, before I have to do something we’ll both regret.”

His head swiveled around the tree, trigger in his mouth. Before he could do fire, I brought up S.A.T.S. again and aimed for his weapon. There was a pretty nice chance I’d hit it, too! (At least if I missed, I’d probably shoot his face.)

Fzzat. The shot made his weapon disintegrate into a mound of dust. In reality, however, the thing was ready to do so on its own. His marker turned white. He stopped what he was doing. I put my weapon facing toward the ground, still gripped in the dark blue light that was my telekinetic field. He practically whispered, “don’t shoot, I’ll leave,” as he tucked his ears behind his head and galloped away from his camp.

I’ll be damned if I had to do that again in less than a few days. Dealing with the murder of another pony was going to stay with me, though. It was never really my intention to kill. Maybe by association; starvation, thirst, getting ripped apart by what must have been a hell hound. Other ponies. Did that make me a bad pony? Maybe it does.

^^^***^^^

On the way back to Iridescence, I could see how somepony might have missed it on their way up. The vault door was high up where there wasn’t a clearly marked path, carved directly into the mountain. It looked more like a mine shaft than anything else. When I entered, the dusty-pink pony had gotten her bearings it had seemed, and was inspecting her ruined pipbuck.

“Your ear!” she exclaimed as I walked over to her.

Oh. Right. I had almost forgotten it was there. Ow, “it’s nothing... I just, um, tripped, is all.” That was most likely the worst lie I’d ever told in my life. And she went along with it. (How do you justify a hole in your ear with a four and a half foot fall?)

“I heard thunder... I think... when you were gone. Are you sure it’s safe out there?” It almost felt wrong to lie to her. It sure as hell wasn’t thunder.

“Yes, definitely. There’s also something I’d like you to see. I think you might be surprised by what’s out there.” That got her going.

We trotted out unceremoniously, eyes cast to the ground, my magic keeping her from falling to one side or another until we reached the hilltop. She didn’t say anything for a good, long while. She just looked up at the live trees and stared in awe, and eventually said to me in her most filly-like voice possible, “it’s like a foal’s picture book!”

“My sentiments, exactly,” instead of standing in the rain, I moved to the cover of the tarped camp the... hunters... had set up. There was a fire still going, albeit barely, with a strange, green locked box to one side, with a faded three-apple logo on the side. A bullet looked to be in order.

I turned to Iridescence, holder of the 10 millimeter pistol, and motioned toward the box. She raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes. She, in turn, motioned toward my saddle bags. I opened them, and she took out my five bobby pins. and added them to a bundle of ten or so she kept by her side, wrapped in a veritable rainbow of magic.

She set to work on it, while I sat on one of the old, moldy mattresses. It wasn’t comfortable, but the feeling of languor hit me so hard I didn’t think I could keep my eyes open any longer. I ran through my pipbuck before seeing my it had three markers on a map section nopony used. Vault 34, Black Mesa Peak (my current location,) and Tenpony tower far to the east were marked. (How did this thing know where I was before I did?) Oh, well, I couldn’t be bothered. I went to my notes and checked the other holotape with my eyes closed.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Static

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Well, that was a waste of time. Before I realised what I was doing, I sifted through the radio broadcasts and selected the PA system. Nothing, Duh. The next thing to do was look to see what else there might have been. The next station had very clear tuba music playing. While I was positively stupefied by the fact that a patriotic radio station apparently survived, I wasn’t really interested in the melody.

The next, however, had a lilting jazz tune. I thought I’d stop here and wonder about it later.

A golden bird,
Today I heard,
Sitting upon a silver branch,
His little song was very long,
Which made me sad and start to laugh,

My sister he,
My brother she,
But there is only me in the family,
When I grow up,
I'll go down,
The river to the Singing Sea...

“Hey there ponies of the wasteland. That was Sapphire Shores with The Singin’ Sea. It’s your host, DJ Pon3. What’s a Disk? Hell if I know, but I’ll keep jockeyin’ for ya, anyway. But movin’ on. It’s time for the news:” I bolted upright. If there was someone still alive with a radio station, this place was definitely inhabitable and definitely worth my time, “first off, we’ve got Security in the Wasteland, and don’t ya know it? Ponies are startin’ to behave themselves” I didn’t get it. Were they referring to armed guards? “Ever since Pony Joe’s was wiped out near The Hoof, raiders are startin’ to doubt the safety of their own territory! But let’s not forget our favourite little crusader of the century! The Vault Dweller’s been helpin’ out all over, I hear tell, and she’s plannin’ on helpin’ some ponies out toward Old Appleoosa! My hat’s off to ya, Dweller!” This pony was really charismatic, I’d made a note to meet him one day.

“Finally, though, it’s seasonal warning time. Autumn is around the corner, and we all know winter comes early for Buffalo Springs. Hellhounds be migratin’, so you best be watchin’ your backs, my little ponies. If you can find shelter, make it top on your priority list of things to protect! Or, if you can, pay off ol’ Pony Feathers, if not... get someplace high. That’s all, children. Now back to Lavender Melody with It All Started With Your Smile!”

You ask me time and time again,
How did this start, how did it all begin,
And I will tell you one more time,

It was your smile,
From across a crowded room,
That first drew me to you,
It was that heartwarming smile...

Even Iridescence had turned to listen, the lid to the box already off its hinges. Damn thing must have been pretty rusty, “what was... who was?” she asked, obviously intrigued by the broadcast that had just played, “he had a nice voice!”

While I had to agree, this pony would have to wait. There were more important things to be done. Pony Feathers sounded like an excellent place to start looking. Whatever that was. (Whoever?) That is, so long as this DJ PON3’s boradcast is legitimate and not a repeat. It had to be fairly recent, though, considering the hunters’ reference to it/him.

It wouldn’t be long before this... rain... stopped. I hoped. If I had to estimate, I’d say the downpour had lasted for days, and I strongly doubted that it was the perpetual norm. At most, I assumed it would last another few days. With luck, it would last another few hours. Either way, I was confident that the torrent wouldn’t impede our progress much longer.

I nodded in affirmation, my eyes drifting back together. I was too tired to deal with anything else. Killing had set me on edge, drained me as well. Five hours of sleep. Oh Goddesses, I was tired. Too many surprises for one day. Too much to absorb. I could put up with being wet for now.

^^^***^^^

When I awoke, I found two things in particular to be out of place. Well, not so much out of place so much as in place. Nothing alarming. The first thing was that the blanket that had been given to me had been placed over me at some point in the day. The second was a warm presence hugging me tightly from behind. I was going to have to get used to this.

The thrumming sound of rain against the grey-blue tarp above us started to lighten. 15:30. At least I could say I’d gotten a nap. A little shut-eye was just what the doctor ordered. I didn’t bother moving. I could feel Iridescence shifting. I expected nothing less than the awkward scene that should’ve been the time we left this morning.

Instead, she sighed and hugged me more tightly. This took me by surprise and I coughed, letting her know I was awake. Immediately, her grip went slack, “do you sleep with me out of habit; sleeping with your parents, maybe? Or is there something you want to tell me?”

She hopped to her hooves and shook her head violently. She can move pretty quickly. “It’s nothing! Really! I’m sorry! I’ll stop!” She looked hurt, almost.

“You’re a mistake waiting to happen,” I facehoofed and walked toward the opened ammo box, now fully alert. The contents that had been in there before hadn’t been moved since the lock snapped open. The rain, almost purring, slackened further to a light shower. Finally.

Iridescence kept quiet as I peaked inside. There was a note, three clips of energy cells, twenty 10mm rounds, and four rounds of a caliber that looked... well... significantly larger than the ones that I’d seen prior. A whole two, three, kinds? The note read as follows:

I guess this stupid thing is a diary. Or whatever. First thing: I’d like to make it clear that I hate hunting for a living. It sucks pony cock, is what it does. We’ve got one ammo box, my rifle’s in terrible condition, and just about everypony else is forced to use whatever they can to bash things’ heads in. I really don’t like getting close to radigators ‘n such. Oh, and I guess it might be wise to mention that we did find (and by that, I mean hired,) some weird pony a while back. I think he might’ve been a raider... keeps going on about killing other ponies. I guess we’ll have to put up with him if he’s willing to work. It’s something we have to do, sometimes, but fuck if I don’t hate it. I hope no one tries to take this camp, there’s no way I’d be willing to kill somepony if they don’t kill anyone in the party. Even if they do, I don’t think I could put up much of a fight. Stupid virtue.

Virtue? And what’s raider? A few things were explained in that note, but not enough. Worse, it brought more questions. “Why is everything out here so different?” The question was purely rhetorical, of course, but I couldn’t help but feel slight frustration at the whole thing. The rain stopped abruptly, though thunder could still be heard in the distance. Long, loud booms.

I added the note to my pipbuck and checked the map marker again. Maybe this had been a tourist attraction earlier. It was nice up here. You mean, like, not charcoal and dust?

Suddenly, the clouds parted directly overhead, but only above the hill we were on. I could feel what must have been sunlight through the tarp. Everything underneath it was bathed in a blue luminescence... it felt nice. Warming up to this place already? Smooth jazz, unlike the bebop in the stable, played from my pipbuck in a relaxing way, “it fits the scene nicely,” I said aloud.

“Huh?” Iridescence started as she started laying back down, “what do you mean, it’s just music. It’s nice, but still, it’s just music, right?” I was split between telling her she was right and ignoring it all, kicking myself later, and arguing that music was more than just that. It has to be, hmm?

I decided, instead, to give as neutral an answer as possible, “hm,” I grunted. It was a win-win. It seemed, at the very least, to pacify her incoming speech on materialistic needs and wants and existentialism. I wasn’t up for it, to put it as bluntly as possible, “you realise we have to go now,” her lying down wasn’t going to get us anywhere.

We could see around us a bit better now; yes, the city around the mountain must have been the backside of Canterlot, Manehattan must’ve been the city with the huge tower. There were a few rising hills like this one, albeit without any sunlight, everything else was too far away to make out very well. Iridescence got up and stared along the ridge with me, “I see why they were up here now,” I absent-mindedly commented.

“The hunters?” she asked, “I read the note. That’s what they were, right?” She seemed about as up to date as I was, at least.

“Yeah, them. You can see more from up here than you can down there,” my mind lingered on that statement for a while, “but it would be kind of dangerous; I don’t think they were going to stay for much longer. This tarp isn’t exactly what anypony would call camouflage, and it looks pretty out of place with the amount of light coming down. It’s like a spotlight, and you’d be a sitting duck if you were up here too long, I may not be especially smart, but you’d be blind if you didn’t see that much,” I concluded. I got my plot out of the mud and rolled up the blanket telekinetically. I was about to start walking back down the hill, Iridescence on my tail, when I caught something out of the corner of my eye.

“Stop,” I said, “stuff,” way to sound mentally capable. I trotted back to the tree holding up the far left corner of the tarp. There was a hole under there formed by overgrown roots. Water dripped from the bows and needles of the tree onto my head as I poked around until I saw it. Grey-green: a duffle bag. I echoed my thoughts aloud and pulled it out in my teeth. The hunters hadn’t even had time to grab it when they left.

It was full of... meat. As I took each chunk out, my pipbuck sorted and labeled them, ‘bloatsprite, brahmin, radroach, radigator.’ One question half-answered, three more in its place. Magnificent. I took the brahmin and radigator meat; I wasn’t sure if I was going to need this or not, but taking chances wasn’t something I was prone to doing... realistically, I wasn’t even 100% sure that ponies could actually eat meat. I guess, considering there were hunters, somepony somewhere must’ve wanted it. The other two things sounded like they were some kind of insect. Keen on eating that, I was not. Overall, I was figuring a lot out all at once- I was getting a feel for how these creatures must have adapted. They all had weak points in certain areas on their bodies, judging by their muscle-mass and tissue buildups. If you hit the right area, you’d definitely do a lot more damage toward something.

I showed it to Iridescence and asked for something to write with. Nothing. I levitated up some mud and wrote on the underside of the tarp, “sorry we killed one of your members and took your food. ~Bebop,” I thought that would suffice as a thank you note. Iridescence looked at me in vague annoyance as we began our curving descent toward... wherever we would go.

Hoofnote: Level up!
Perk: Hunter: you do an extra 75% critical damage against animals and mutated animals.

Wasteland Elegy

Fallout: Equestria: Wasteland Shuffle

~Bebop n’ Company

Chapter 2: Wasteland Elegy

“Eeyup.”

Sometimes you just have to buck up and keep going. Sometimes you really don’t want to. That’s what I had to explain to the group of hunters I’d kicked off Black Mesa Peak. They were at the base, waiting for us to come back down. Perhaps they had planned for an ambush. It never happened. My E.F.S. picked them out behind a few boulders before they could react, “oh no, you don’t you stupid fucks,” I practically shouted so they could hear me.

“Goddess damn it!” I heard one of them say, “how did he know?” I rolled my eyes and waved Octavia in front of me, motioning for them to come out.

“So, if I recall correctly, I killed the raider in your party you’d picked up a while ago?” I asked as they crawled out from their hiding places. I was going to make sure they didn’t hurt anypony else, and didn’t make any more stupid mistakes again.

Whispers of me reading the leader’s note, “yeah, and maybe thanks are in order,” nickered Rifle, “he was kinda driving us all insane. But that doesn’t mean we’re going to forgive you for practically burning my cutie mark off,” he showed off part of what appeared to be a crosshair, “and making us sit in the rain for hours.”

“You could’ve just–,” I cut myself off, wanting to protest that they could have just gone somewhere else and gotten out of the rain, “never mind,” I shook my head instead. It wasn’t worth arguing about. I wanted to get these ponies out of the way, “look, I wanna tell you guys something. You may not be all that intent on listening to the stallion that got your face and cutie mark burned, but I plan on helping you, believe it or not.” I looked every one of them in the eye. Iridescence kept quiet behind me.

“Mmm, okay,” one whinnied reluctantly and stood at attention, the rest followed suit.

“It might be a bit obvious, but to make sure you know, I made my way out of a stable recently. I’m not completely stupid and without education, however. Cannibalising ponies leads to mental issues later in life, and isn’t good for future customers. I know from your note that you’re avoiding it as much as you can, but now I want you to put the thought of hunting others out of your mind completely. Do that, and we won’t have any problems. Second, don’t give up so easily. Even if you don’t want to, fight for what’s yours. Don’t hesitate next time. Maybe you should ask if they’re friendly before doing that, but y’all are gonna live a nice, long life, free of me blasting holes in you, and from the looks of you, I don’t think ya have any healing potions,” burned face nodded, “We didn’t trash anything up there, and we only took the ammo that ya didn’t need,” I showed off Octavia one more time for effect, “I hope you have a wonderful day.”

They all seemed to think about the brief lesson I’d given them and nodded thoughtfully. That definitely went over more easily than I expected, no lies necessary. Actually, I had expected them to be outright furious and start charging at me the second I was done. Or when I was talking. It may have been the gun, but these ponies seemed to be at least somewhat normal. I would never know.

The white and red mare that was Rifle turned around as if to walk away. And then around again to face me, “thank you. Maybe what you did wasn’t exactly what you should’ve done, but you’re new around here. Well, actually, let me rephrase that: what you did wasn’t perfect, but it was a damn sight better than what a lot of ponies would have done. We let our guard down, and we would most likely be dead if it weren’t for the naivety that comes from stable-dwellers. No offence,” she added quickly, “this was brief, but I want you to know that if you ever find us again and need a bit of help, we’ll do what we can,” she nodded her head and the rest turned around and started back up to gather their things. Or keep watch again. I wasn’t sure just how much they liked that spot.

“Um... wait. Please,” they turned back around. I wanted to repay their not killing Iridescence and I. In retrospect, what I did was really stupid and probably deserved punishment of some sort.

“Yeah?” the limping, green, Crowbar asked, “What is it?”

I levitated out the food I’d taken and smiled as wide as I could. Iridescence laughed. I was only able to imagine how idiotic I must have looked, “I kinda took this when ya ran off... heh...”

Rifle sighed and walked back to retrieve their food, “thanks... I think.” Her words didn’t hold any anger or languish. Only exasperation, “you’re kinda stupid, aren’t you?” she nickered out of the corner of her mouth.

“Yeah, I kinda am,” I grinned and let her take hold of it before going. When I looked back, however, Iridescence wore a face of shock, “what? You saw me take it, it’s not like I pulled this food out of my ass,” I was puzzled by her reaction.

“That was our only food!” she said through gritted teeth. Oh yeah. I hadn’t told her, and she must not have seen it. (How?)

“Um, no it wasn’t. I just wanted to eat that first and save the stable food for later,” I stated clearly and calmly.

The proper expression for the pink pony’s expression changed to dumbfounded, “Since when did we have food? Why didn’t you tell me? I mean, I realize choufleur probably would have given us food before we left, but nopony told me anything, so I just thought she didn’t know how to get it, or hadn’t gotten her hooves on it first. I really thought that that was what we’d be having for dinner!” she was steadily raising her voice, and the hunters had turned back around to see.

I nearly facehoofed and lifted the pack with my eyes closed, sighing as loudly as I could, “you’re a special kind of stupid, aren’t you?” I let her get a good look at the paste based everythings that were inside and released my magic from the flap and let it close, “how could you not have seen that when I let you have my bobby pins?” Maybe the “Blind” part of her name was more accurate than I had previously thought.

“Oh,” she said quietly, and scrunched up her mouth before looking down at the ground, “I just wanted to try something new, was all,” while that statement didn’t sound special at first, I began to consider about what my thoughts actually were on eating it. I hadn’t been curious about the new food, much less really cared. I didn’t think it was special beyond its physical details, but it would be the first time I’d had anything not... pasty. Not even the slightest thought about what it would taste like; if I’d enjoy it, if I wouldn’t like it, or if it was poisonous or rotten. Was the food in 34 really that dull? Maybe it was due to my lack of caring. Being out here though... I started to wonder.

The lead mare rolled her eyes and began her trudge up the slope. I still hoped they wouldn’t notice the entrance. I waved goodbye and started walking in my own direction, not really knowing what I was doing. I stopped, “hey!” I shouted back to Rifle, “where’s the nearest town?” I was going to need to start somewhere.

“A day that-a-way!” she pointed a hoof in the opposite direction I was heading. Well, my confidence was shot.

“Well, buck me, then! Thanks!” I swear, if it won’t be for the good ponies that I’d gotten the impression of existing up here, I’d be dead pretty quickly. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s not that bad up here. It didn’t seem that bad.

“Don’t get yourself killed!” She hollered back, I could sense all of their irritation from here.

“Do what she says... please...” Iridescence commented half heartedly, “I know you’re trying your best, but I think you guys were fighting earlier, weren’t you? Don’t... don’t do that,” she sniffed. Oh dear merciful Celestia, when would it ever stop? Fine, I did, by association put everypony in stable 34 at risk, including Iridescence, but... oh, boy. She was crying.

I rubbed my eyes and whinnied in my most apologetic voice, “Yeah, okay, fine. I won’t do that again unless I have to,” I ran my hooves through my mane, “just stop... stop, stop, stop stop stop. Don’t cry, I’m not dead. You’re not dead. For the love of- if it’s not one thing, it’s another,” it looked like I was out of options at this point, her crying now ceaseless. I embraced her tightly and hoped that would get her to shut up. I hated it. I hated showing affection. Well... in what somepony would call public, anyway.

After several long, painful minutes, she stopped, and before she could manage to give her bit, I reminded her like a little filly, “don’tcryinpublic, Iwillkillyouifyoudothatagain,” well, that last part was my own special touch, but I thought it would be appropriate. She looked hurt, but she could keep going.

I wanted to read something.

The earth wasn’t going to get any drier, the trees on the ground any greener.

^^^***^^^

“Soooo,” I casually remarked, “what the fuck is that?” A smallish, metallic orb-thing was hovering about two hundred feet ahead of us, silent. Over the past few hours of getting nowhere fast, I’d seen several, all blasting the most pretentious sounding tuba music I’d ever heard. It made me want to strangle foals. This one, however, wasn’t emitting a sound. Dead silent, only a very faint hissing of static.

Now it floated toward us. It looked like a bloated, metallic insect, moving clumsily through the air. And then it stopped. Cliffs jutted up to either side of Iridescence and I: there was only forward and back. We had stopped, curious of this particular anomaly. It then proceeded to speak in a synthetic voice, “I am Watcher, and I will be your guide to the wasteland,” what, “...perhaps that isn’t the right word,” the, “anyway, I am here to explain something to you.”

“Fuck?” Iridescence and I practically ejaculated as we cocked our heads to one side and took a good look at... it.

“Ignoring your spouting of rude comments, I’d like to go on,” he paused, “we meet under better circumstances than many others I’ve encountered. I’d recently just said the very same thing, but I mean it sincerely, this time. First and foremost, I’d like to congratulate you on a job well done! One pony dead, and nothing bad to show for it! Even if it was unintentional, and a one-time deal, I’d very much like you to keep doing what you’re doing and do me a favour. If that makes sense,” it made sense enough for me to realise I was seeing things. (Who watches ponies like that?!) Nopony, that’s who.

After several moments of silence and open mouths from both of us, Mr. Watcher interrupted our feeling of mindless noiselessness, “I take it you either comprehend but are in shock, or don’t and are stupid. In hopes that it is in the context of the prior, I will continue,” he sounded like he knew a lot. Hell, with a name like Watcher, he probably did, “you dispatched the hunters to get what you wanted without causing serious harm,” killing somepony wasn’t serious harm? “I want to ensure that you are able to keep doing this. This may sound hurried, but I don’t have long. I’m going to send you someplace to get supplies and to rest,” the autonomous scratchy voice echoed around us, “I realise I sound obtuse and to-the-point: I need you to do this. You need shelter. Definitely shelter. Wow, actually, I’m meeting you under better conditions than just about any of the others I’ve ever come to know. You practically don’t need anything. You’re already making friends,” he seemed to be rambling, “but I digress, you still need a roof over your head and better weapons. Better armour. Ammo, too. You already have a weapon, and very basic armour, so you’ve got that going for you an-” it went silent. Our previously chatty companion drifted away on a low note. Literally. The tuba was crescendoing.

“So... umm... we still don’t know where to go,” I added, breaking the silence. Our tinny companion didn’t come back, though, “thanks for saying we aren’t capable and just leaving, you’ve been a real help... I hope you break,” given that Watcher could’ve been a joke, I didn’t pay it too much attention, but as we were nearing the end of the canyon, the thing that had been steadily making its way ahead of us popped back to life again.

I stopped abruptly, Iridescence bumping into me seconds later. We waited for the metal insect-thing to get to us first, “I’m so sorry about that. This is literally the first time I’ve rattled off like that,” we heard him clear his throat, “I know you were sent to Sunset City, but you need to go somewhere a bit,” he hesitated, “-closer. There’s a Donut Joe’s up a road outside the mouth of this,” he swivelled around, “–you’re going to come out to it in a second. Just get there. Supplies and shelter,” he cut out again and the same obnoxious music poured from it. I was going to have to find out who broadcasted this crap and strangle him.

As if on cue, Iridescence gave her two bits’ worth on the subject, “how can that music be playing if the world burned out so long ago?” It wasn’t particularly insightful.

“The same reason there’re ponies up here. Stables, if I had to guess; they’re the reason we’re here, anyway,” I tried to answer it as simply as I could. It looked like she wanted a better explanation, but I was saved by seven red bars on my E.F.S: insects that didn’t look too much different from Watcher.

What wasn’t so bad was that they were weak, and fell with one or two well-placed shots from Octavia, Iridescence refusing to use her weapon. What was annoying, however, was that these things shot spiky... what looked like sewage at us. It was awkward at first, and I managed to waste a good two clips of twenty shots on the things, but I calculated their movement patterns and took them out rather quickly. I also felt stupid. This place was so... dry and dead, with the exception of Black Mesa Plateau (loquacious was a word that came to mind.) I felt like I didn’t deserve to know about this. Not that I was too good for it, but rather that this place was too amazing for me to know about. The whole thing was fascinating.

Once we stepped onto the road, I immediately noticed the red and white building to the west. Candy cane, one might even say. Though that wasn’t the only thing out that direction. There was also a colossal billboard just a bit further ahead. Pinkie Pie is watching you forever, huh? Her mane colour was only a bit off from the Donut Joe’s. Just more... pink. Equally faded, though.

I could make out faint pony figures, shadows against the setting sun. They were milling about, not focused on anything. I hoped they’d be reasonable. I checked my E.F.S. They were too far away for it to detect them, but I didn’t rely on a moderately-powerful spell matrix to see things.

“Is there anypony over there?” Iridescence asked, “I can’t tell,” no more than three tenths of a mile and she could only make out... maybe the diner? Couldn’t anypony see them? Or was it just me? Or maybe it was just Iridescence. Yeah. That last thing. It had to be.

“Mm hm, maybe ten or twelve ponies. The most I’ve ever seen at one time in my life, so far. Unless you count school or a wedding back in... 34,” I trailed off toward the end as Iridescence started to look less energetic. Now that I was talking about it, I started thinking about how much ponies really did keep to themselves down there.

“How are you able to see them?” Iridescence surprised me with the question.

“I kind of just, you know, look in their general direction. I can’t really do that so well with books and such,” I replied, uncertain of how accurate that statement was. She seemed to be able to start up a conversation about whatever I was thinking of at the drop of a hat. Some form of precognition, maybe? Just weird.

She humphed and nickered, “everything's just blurry to me. I wish I could see far away,” why didn’t she get glasses in the stable? Her name was starting to look more and more suspicious to me; like a cosmic prank. You don’t name somepony Blind and automatically they can’t see... could you?

“Too many questions!” I blurted. Iridescence turned her head and looked at me as though I was going crazy. In her defence, I probably was.

“Are we going to move any time soon?” my pink companion questioned, “we’ve been standing here a long time and talked about eyesight, and now you’re starting sound like you’re starting to talk like you’re delirious, and-” I had to cut her off.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re going. Just ignore my random shouting,” I grinned and started moving. No sense in idly wasting my time like this.

The horizon I’d been keeping my eyes on had turned a muted orange, making everything in front of it sharply-outlined black beings ahead of us. The dirt had turned the same colour. Iridescence noticed and asked, “is it normal for the ground to be that... weird? I mean, it obviously isn’t bad, otherwise there would be pain or something, but um, Bebop...” she put a hoof on my shoulder, I stopped and turned to her, keeping a patient look on my face, “are you sure those ponies are going to be friendly?” she motioned toward the Donut Joe’s.

There was a silence and wind brushed by my ears. I didn’t know, but apparently we’d need what was in there. One thing was certain now, at about a tenth of a mile away, I could tell that there was a bit more to this place. It was dilapidated, no doubt the work of hundreds of years and insane weather like we’d seen earlier, I’d bet it should look about this... off.

Or maybe not, “I want you to keep your gun at your side, just in case,” I said as I pulled Octavia out from my saddlebags. I was going to need a holster for this thing at the rate I was taking it out and putting it back in. She nodded and floated it out by her side, pointing toward the ground. We were quickly approaching the Donut Joe’s. I was getting anxious, my heart beating faster by the minute. Sweat was beginning to pool on my brow.

When we were about fifty feet from the building, the sun was almost down over the horizon and we were almost in the dark. This is going to be good, “Hey, y’all! We’ve come to g-” a bullet clipped my ear. No warnings, nothing. Now there was shouting and I could feel the blood start to run down my cheek again, “Hey, hey, hey! sto-” they got my pipbuck. It didn’t even dent it, but it sure did clip the radio button and flip on a fast-moving jazz song. Bebop, “last time you stupid-” another bullet went past me and dug into Iridescence’s right foreleg.

I was going to have their heads. Fuck plans, I was going to do this! I’m usually able to tolerate a lot of shit, but hurting innocent...

Iridescence screamed out in pain and I charged them. Bullets were firing all at once now, every last one of them missing. It looked like the darkness coupled with bad weapon care was not working to the advantage.

I’ve been dreamin’,
I’ve been waitin’!

I ran to the entrance. All eyes on me. Good. I opened up S.A.T.S. and got one shot each on both of the nearest ponies. They were wearing patchwork barding like the hunters, but some of it looked more like bondage gear. (What the fuck?) At any rate, it didn’t do them any good, Octavia burned clean holes in it that appeared to meld to their flesh in places. They both screamed but kept fighting. Shit.

Spinning ‘round,
n’ having kicks!

I took careful aim and got both of them again, three shots each. I’d hit and both collapsed, one of them from what looked like a heart-attack. (Did I do that?) Yeah, you probably did.

I’d also been standing still too long. Three shots drilled into my back, “Luna-fucking-damn it, that hurts!” I shouted over the gunfire. I was amazed I wasn’t dead. The welder-pony barding was actually good for slowing the what-must-have-been bullets down, I noted. I turned around and saw there was a hole in the roof, three ponies leaning over the edge with pistols of their own.

Perform for crowds of thousands,
They’ll shower us with diamonds!

I gave my most sinister looking glare. Seeing as I didn’t just drop after they shot me, it must have done its job. I took aim and shot one in the face, and he fell through. The other two started to turn and slide off the roof, “oh, no you don’t, you ugly pricks!” I aimed and shot two more times, one hitting a sliding pony, I saw his bar blink from red to white as he hit the ground faster than the other, the shot missing that one.

The wonderbolts will see me...
Right here at the Gala!

Then I heard four gunshots in succession from a distance. The marker for the hostile pony that had slid off blinked out. So she’s not afraid to use it, after all. Four more were at the only door out; I could see from here that the back was boarded up, two hallways leading places I couldn’t get at yet, “but there should be more,” I whispered to myself. They fired at me simultaneously, but I could tell they couldn’t really see in here, it was too dark. The sun had set completely. Every single shot missed me. And then there was a loud, (granted) remote, scream followed by 12 paff, paff, paff’s. Two more lights that had been dancing around my E.F.S. winked out, and one went white. Iridescence was still too far for the pipbuck to detect her.

The other crazed ponies turned their heads to see what happened, “bad move,” their heads flicked back in time for me to go into S.A.T.S. and scorch one in the flank, another right between the eyes. The second I was out, I planted another beam of electricity in the chest of the pony on the far right, wearing a mangled labcoat. He stumbled. Just one more.

I strafed a bit, keeping silent, using to my advantage what little camouflage my coat and barding could provide: enough. He could aim in my general direction, but not get a hit. I made it to the corner left of the door. I knocked a hoof on the wall, and took the one shot I could with S.A.T.S. as he turned to face me. He was ash.

The song went into refrain as the other three looked for me again. All of them bearing the mark of Octavia in one way or another. It hit me that the remaining bit of Octavia’s was Wrath. Even if it wasn’t, it should have been. Regardless, that would be its name from now on. I lined up the three shots as they picked their weapons back up and scrambled. My shots were too slow. Right on the mark, but slow. One shot more and the pony nearest to me collapsed, moaning, a large portion of tire burned into his mane and neck.

The other two both got shots off with their miniature six-shot pistols. One hit. Right in my fucking chest! “I know this isn’t my place, but I wouldn’t shoot you up if you came to mine! Well, actually, I wouldn’t have to. I’d have ponies to do if for me!” I said through clenched teeth.

To fly with those great ponies!

“Hear that? It talked, it talked! Ha ha! It talked!” they ran around the corner and laughed, “let’s kill it!” Celestia’s sake, these ponies were messed up!

I rounded the corner and fired up S.A.T.S. again and targeted one on the right. The other was nowhere to be seen. Well, Luna, looks like you can start crushing my testicles with that moon of yours right about now. The next shot made the pony’s neck bright red and made him cough up blood, fallen and twitching on his side. I did a double take at my work, and somepony took the advantage and bit my flank. Yep. Bit me. Well, actually, he bit my barding and ripped it off, right over my cutie mark. A white symbol often mistaken for something I’d drawn myself.

Shower us with Diamonds!

“Mistake!” I uttered under my breath, and bucked with my left hind leg right into his jaw. It connected in a way that made me shiver. I hated feeling hoof on skin and bone. I could hear his bones crack, and as he was slumping to the ground, choking, a distant shot came dangerously close to me and landed squarely in his back. His light was no longer on my E.F.S.

I looked up and saw that there were three ponies heaped on top of each other about twenty feet away from Iridescence. She had been taking aim from over a hundred feet away, her injured leg hovering over the drying mud. I turned around and made a sweep of the area. It sure was dark.

Right here at the Gaaalaaa! “-And that’s Sapphire Shores with her rendition of ‘At the Gala!’ Up next, a song about our regrets. A common theme in the Equestrian wasteland.”

One, two, three, four markers still there. One still hostile. I reloaded and finished the red bar off, a teal unicorn, putting her out of her misery. Her maniacal, twisted, red bar misery. The other two were unconscious. We would have to figure this out tomorrow, when I could see more than vague outlines. I checked my pipbuck: 20:11. Octavia had its name changed in my inventory to Octavia’s Wrath without me even having to do anything. Still weird how it could do that. I went and collected Iridescence, a crying heap on the ground, back to... oh, god.

This place was horrible. How did I not notice it earlier? Actually, I did remember seeing everything, but not caring. How could I have ignored this? You like it, don’t you? There were what seemed to be mutilated pony organs, and coats of various colours decorating the walls. Skulls and brains hung in nets from the ceiling. “It’s party time!” had been written in fecal matter along the wall. This place was disgusting. Dear Celestia, was it disgusting. I’d come back later. I couldn’t sleep here. Not without losing whatever was left in my stomach. I drug everypony still alive to the back of the Donut Joe’s. There had to be something.

And there it was. A cellar door. Just the faintest of outlines in the abysmal light of night time. My first night in the Equestrian Wasteland. It was shit. Literally and figuratively. I tried the handle. Locked. I recalled Iridescence saying something or other about picking locks, “hey, um, if it’s okay, would you please open this?” I pointed toward the cellar door at the back of the candy cane diner. I was in a hurry to get away from the scenery. It was starting to get cold, too.

She got up and nodded, sniffling. She cries a lot, doesn’t she? I held my pipbuck up, using the torch spell. The bullets that had lodged themselves in me getting gradually more painful by the second. After breaking a bobby pin and a bit of light swearing, Iridescence opened it up and I walked inside, dragging all two of the unconscious ponies with me. I wanted some answers. I kept my torchlight spell up and searched the room. A spark generator. A lightbulb in the ceiling.

I wanted to try something. It was short notice. Very short notice, but all of my determination focused on this one objective. I dropped all of the other ponies and focused all of my energy into the entirety of the generator and gave a bit a force behind it. Nothing. I tried again. Still nothing. One more time... oh(!) still nothing. I gave it one more try, and to my inconceivable delight, it whirred slowly to life and I gave a squee of excitement as the light bulb flickered and started shining. Just as I felt I couldn’t do anything physical any more.

There were three mattresses in one corner, all covered in bones. One pony’s worth, each: a holotape, and what looked like a giant marble wedged between them and the wall. There was also a hooflocker against the adjacent wall, and a stack of (yes!) partly decayed Meeting Ponies magazines and a Big Book of Arcane Sciences on a table in the center directly underneath the sickly glow of the light bulb.

I cleared the bones and put them in one corner and flipped the mattresses over (they were dry- the trap door must have been waterproof.) Iridescence was then told to sleep while I watched everything. I would have to ignore the fact I was once again underground, and read. I would be getting something done tonight. Slacking off isn’t really getting anything done.

First thing’s first, though. Curiosity demanded I rifle through everything. The hooflocker had more ruined books, empty bottles of something called sunrise sarsaparilla, three bottle caps next to them. They looked pretty unique, so I took them for myself. Appropriately, there was a rising sun on the underside of each one. I’d never even considered a company would bother to do something like that before.

After moving from the little locker to the table in the centre, I filed through the decomposing pony speech magazines until I could find the three in best condition. All of them printings I’d never been able to read before! But they would have to wait until after I read this edition of Arcane Sciences: Unabridged.

Now that I looked around the room, the walls and ceiling were covered in a pale yellow light. It felt like a far more confined, darker version of the stable. It was somehow comforting and claustrophobic at the same time. Not welcome, nor unwelcome. I decided to get a better look at the holotape and marble-thing.

I lifted the holotape with my telekinesis and brought it to the centre table. I’d save it for last. I wanted to figure out what this… pearly thing was. It looked kind of milky, and was in the form of a perfect sphere. The second I reached out my magic to grip it, however, I was swept away into complete darkness without any warning prior to what was about to happen.

--ooo000ooo—

I awoke. Well, that wasn’t really the right word. Became conscious was probably a far better way of describing it. Immediately, I detected something was amiss. I couldn’t move any part of my body, which wasn’t particularly pleasant; it wasn’t anything I could compare to sex and not feel like I was kidding myself at least. Within the spectrum my peripheral vision, I could discern that I was a white and blue pony. Or at least my forelegs were like that. The room was grey on grey, and I was facing a table in the centre of the room, generator humming away.

It was the same room as I was in just a few moments ago. That was, at the very least, a little bit comforting, and I realised that I was most definitely experiencing what the textbooks from class described as a memory orb. Well, what I had attempted to pick up was an orb, and I was not in my own body, so I was riding(?) my host(?) and from those vague strands of logic, I inductively reasoned that I was now ‘remembering’ whatever had been recorded. Though I had just been in the room, I didn’t see the device the pony used to do this. Maybe it was still in there somewhere. Or maybe you’re over thinking things.

“Come on, come on… don’t stay up there. We need the stuff, but we don’t need to be taking this long!” My host hissed, “get the food and go. Come on, c’mon, c’mon…” I wished I could move my eyes freely, but my physical liberties were greatly limited.

A door creaked, and a dim light poured through an opening from above, leading down the same concrete steps I’d walked down to get here. My host smelled the outside air: toxic, like burning plastic, “Oh thank goddesses,” the blue and white-legged pony I was riding sighed, “quick! Close the door,” thankfully, the pony up the stairs followed the order without Host Pony having to finish… wait. That was a her. Her sentence.

What the glorious fuck? I noticed that in my first day, I’d had a steadily ballooning ‘what the fuck’ list. I wondered how many other ponies could say they’d had the same happen to them after coming out of their respective stables.

I ignored the lack of a penis and saw the red-green earth pony trudging down the stairs, white mane in his eyes, saddlebags at his side, “I got the stuff,” he grunted, reaching the last step. There was what sounded like a muffled explosion in the distance and the single light bulb flickered for a moment before stabilising, “I have food, water, and toiletries for days. The door’s locked, and you brought the beds… sorta. I see you also brought your reading material for the decade,” he paused for a few seconds before adding, “there’s ash up there. It hurts to breath, and the air’s tuned green. I think we lost. Or we tied it up… I just wanted to work here and retire later. Raise a family,” Host Pony patiently allowed him to continue, “I guess that plan’s gone to hell. At least I could save you and…” the earth pony across from me cocked his head, “who’s that?”

My host turned and faced the winged pony already asleep on the mattress closest. I thought it strange, considering there weren’t any pegasus bones there when I was in the room.

Host Pony pointed a hoof at the wrist of the orange-pink-yellow-coloured pegasus, there was a pipbuck on it. A really ugly version of mine: bulkier too. The interface was amber instead of white. Another distant explosion in the background, “she just kind of smacked into your roof and made a fair-sized dent in it this morning. She was awake for a little bit. Really only a filly,” my host explained, the light bulb flickered, the shadow of a stack of magazines cast on the wall, “I think she was supposed to go to 28 or 34. Poor dear, it’s probably already sealed up tight. I promised to let her stay.”

The white mane and green coat pony shuffled toward the beds and nodded thoughtfully, “I suppose we can let her stay. But answer me one thing, why are you wearing that ridiculous thing? It’s not like these are the last moments of our lives. At least, not yet,” the young earth pony seemed at peace with his fate. His words didn’t let on any concern or anxiety. I could relate to him.

“Well,” my host replied, twisting her tongue up in her cheek, “I thought, y’know, maybe I’d forget later, and I’d feel sorry about it. I wanted to make sure we didn’t regret anything,” I had become complacent, no longer caring what I was restricted to doing; I found this conversation unfathomably interesting.

The pony in front of me nodded again. His eyes shifted and said quietly, “the air’s going to seep in. That door won’t keep everything out. I hope you’re prepared for this. The zebras really had it out for us,” he sat down and huffed.

“Everything’s fine. I heard Lyra made it to 34,” (One of the overseers in my stable?) “I know that that stable wasn’t meant for her talent. I heard they didn’t even let her keep her bass. Didn’t let her stay with that Vinyl Scratch pony, either. Heard she was downright heartbroken and had to drag her their. What’s more is that she’s supposed to be the overmare or something. She’s good at keeping a level head, but I’d be surprised if she didn’t take it out on somepony eventually,” Octavia’s Wrath. I wondered what she’d done to get it that name, “she always did make the sweetest music,” the conversation came to an abrupt end.

--oooOOOooo--

When I came to, the room hadn’t changed at all. Iridescence had moved little, and the others were still unconscious. Lucky. I could have gotten us both killed if they’d woken up. Which reminded me...

I stuck the comatose ponies in the free corner by the stairs and pulled the hooflocker over to form a triangle with them in the center. It wasn’t much, but better than nothing. Yeah, right. Maybe they’ll trip and give you enough time to fix everything. Idiot. When I did this, however, it revealed dozens of ready-made meal wrappers that must have been intended for military purposes.

Keeping a close eye on them, I pulled out the holotape and sat in the opposite corner on one of the beds. The same female voice I’d spoken(?) with earlier sounded dull and grating on the ancient recording. I was amazed this thing worked, but whoever made holotapes, made holotapes to last.

This will be a journal of my final days here with Sparkle Shine. Day one. She cleared her throat, and a cough resounded somewhere in the room with her. We, or really, I picked up a pegasus today. No names, no explanation. No introduction either. But, well, that may have been due to the fact that she crashed into our diner this morning. Dented it up somethin’ good. She sighed. We have enough food to last us quite a while on account of Shine’s connections to Luna’s army. We couldn’t get to a stable. So here we are. Nice and happy as can be in this basement. Locked up tight, yesiree. If anypony’s hearing this... well... I dunno what to say. Good on you for getting in here?

There was a click between entries.

I guess this is day two, huh? Well. Turns out only half the MRI’s Shine got us had water in ‘em. So we’re doubly fucked, I guess. Luna damnit. She inhaled and held her breath for a few seconds before exhaling loudly. The pegasus woke up at what was, according to her thing on her leg, five thirty in the a.m. Helluva time, considering soon after freaking out on us, she introduced herself as Sunrise. Fit her colours alright. Pretty darling. Just a filly, really. You could hear a young pony’s, “hey! I’m not a filly, I’m a full-grown mare!” in the background and paper being turned a second later. Right now, we’re biding our time reading. I’ve learned enough about how to have conversations with others that I think I could finally talk to a crowd. Or maybe that’s just impending doom talking.

Click.

Day four. Paper being turned. A clacking of hooves on cement. An explosion. Sunrise surprised us by flying out there this morning and grabbing six colas from one of the coolers. She looks a bit sick now, but we have something different to drink. Too bad all the water up there’s no good anymore. Wonder how these sodas don’t go bad. Or at least that’s what the filly tells us. Better drink these first and save the water for later. These MRI’s suck.

Click.

Day... oh, shit. What is it? Six? Seven? A familiar male voice answered for her, “five,” it’s day five. Okay. Sunrise flew out there this morning and hasn’t come back. A balefire bomb must have went off relatively close. It was so loud. The air’s turning green slowly. We’ll be dying just a bit sooner than expected. A masculine grunt. I think maybe it got that pegasus. A sigh. No one’s reading the magazines, but we got a new one knocking on our door. Dressed up all fancy. Don’t know how he’s kept alive all this time. Looks pretty sick, actually. He brought a big ol’ textbook with him, too. Still hasn’t given a name. I introduced myself and Shine. Oh, and my name’s Seraph. Guess I haven’t introduced myself yet. I’m so forgetful, I don’t know if I’ll remember to do these every day.

Click.

A new voice. This is Col. I survived the bombing. I seem to be somewhat immune to the effects of radiation poisoning. I’ve been locked down here with these two very nice ponies for six days. They’re gone now. At least, spiritually. No food left. No water. I’ve made everything as nice and neat down here as possible. The other two threw a fit before dying. He was breathing heavily. It’s pretty hard to breath down here. The air’s got to be poisonous. Umm... that was my introduction. This is my nadir, one might say. I am telling you this because I don’t have anything else to do. I will drink the last sparkle cola, put it back in the single storage space available, put the rest of the trash out of sight, and place the bodies on their beds. He transitioned topics rapidly. I was guarding Lyra on her way to stable 34. I saw her lose her temper and shoot at the stable door. We watched her calm down and put her personal weapon away: Stable-Tec made it clear that the overmare had to have a weapon on her. I was also there to see that there was an overstallion. They wouldn’t let me in. They wouldn’t let anypony else in. We sat there for days, and used up all the supplies in the sky carriage we had parked on the other side of the entrance. It got crushed after a bomb hit on the opposite side. I was the only one in the cave when it happened. The outside walls eroded to the point you could see the metal of the stable. It should be fine. I ran. I ran all day and found this place, the roof caved in, in the main building. I tried the door, and was greeted by two ponies who agreed to shelter me. I was already sick. I didn’t feel it, but I was sick. I’m going to die soon. It’s okay. He coughed for several minutes. It’s okay. The war is over. We’re all dead.

It went on with him laughing and coughing until the storage space ran out and it clicked one final time. It seemed he’d talked himself insane. After listening to the entries, it made me want to check my pipbuck. 02:14. I was getting too tired for this. My eyes were getting heavy. Things had been adequately explained in this short period of time, such as the lack of a pegasus body in here, but it didn’t do anything for my stamina.

I tapped Iridescence lightly on the shoulder and her eyes fluttered open wearing a smile then sprung to life as she blushed luridly, obviously embarrassed. She needed to stop having wet dreams or whatever if she was going to be traveling with me. Foal at heart would be an understatement.

“Can you keep watch without masturbating?” I asked with a grin on my face. The look she displayed could not be expressed with words and I had to practically smack myself to keep from laughing. I could have my moments of immaturity if she could have her hours and days.

I laid down and closed my eyes. Before going to sleep completely, I pressed around on my pipbuck and turned on the radio. A soothing piano melody allowed me to drift off and let everything that had been bothering me become distant. Intangible.

^^^***^^^

When I awoke, I was greeted by two things. (Again with the twos?) The first was somepony named Sapphire Shores singing about tomorrow. The second was Iridescence’ swearing at what was probably me, “Luna and Celestia damn him, both!” at least she kept it to an angry whisper, “He was bleeding out all night!” or... not, “I guess he’s a lost cause, but damnit I didn’t want to kill anypony! Why couldn’t he just stay alive? Why did I shoot him in the first place?” I kept my eyes closed and listened to her go on about the pony she’d shot after I’d kicked his jaw in. He’d died some time in the night. At least it wasn’t me.

I interrupted her before she could start smashing her head into the wall, “don’t feel too bad, the pony bit me,” I grunted casually while getting to my hooves, trying to defuse the situation, “if ya want to feel any better, you’ll forget it happened. No use crying over spilled cola,” it appeared to calm her down to the point that she wouldn’t make a hole in the wall with any part of her body.

The other pony was beginning to awaken. The one I’d shot in the back had something happen to his brain. He looked around wildly and looked as though he were about to cry. He got off the pile of ponies and stepped over the locker. Iridescence and I watched as he did everything swiftly and without any hesitation. When he looked up and saw us there, the brown and red pony, started bawling, “where am I?! What happened? Why... why, why why why why?” He fell to the ground. I believe I speak for both of us when I say we were shocked by the sudden display of emotion from the once determined killer.

As I got a closer look, I saw that his cutie mark was a candle. The other one had a pony’s head on a spike. The dead one had a rope wrapped around a figure’s neck representing his talent. Unless dripping wax on ponies was his talent, I would say he wasn’t exactly killer material.

It was clear he wasn’t going to be any help almost immediately, “you can go. I don’t know why you’re here and I don’t care. You don’t belong with the other ponies, so you can leave,” Iridescence said exactly what I was thinking and motioned toward the stairs. I checked my pipbuck. 07:27. A cold air met us when the door opened, the terrified earth pony gone; It had been comfortably warm inside and out when we entered last night. It must have cooled over time.

I really didn’t care about that pony. If he was weak enough to suffer a stroke or heart attack from a single shot from OW (how appropriate), I didn’t think he’d be worth our time. I didn’t even give him a second thought besides how somepony like him managed to get with these others and shoot me.

Luna damnit. That reminded me I still had lead in my back. It hurt like a bitch! How I could have ignored it this long was beyond me, and my legs buckled. I probably would have blacked out, too, if it hadn’t been for the rest I’d gotten. Iridescence was immediately at my side. The other pony was starting to wake up. His marker turned red (it had never been out in the first place.) I pulled OW from my saddlebags, tears forming in my eyes, the pain getting to me, and dove into S.A.T.S. to shoot right at his... horn. (Unicorns, I noticed, were not in short supply in this area.) I wasn’t sure what that would do. Nopony ever explained what a physically damaged horn would do. One shot fired and took Iridescence and the other pony by surprise.

The super-heated electricity scorched the purple menace’ horn black and made him faint with a squeak. Hm. I was going to have to remember that. Tears streamed down my cheeks all the while, “I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m not bleeding out, so I’m okay. I think the bullets got wedged in so they simultaneously plugged in the holes they made.” (It would explain why I wasn’t soaked in my own blood.)

“You don’t look good! You really don’t!” Iridescence stressed, “You need something. Wait,” her eyes lit up and she went through my bags until she brought out the half syringe of Med-X. Better than nothing. I clenched my eyes shut and she injected it into my right foreleg. Almost instantly, I felt better. Comfortably numb. I still felt like my back was being pressed on by a deskfull of butter knives, but it was bearable.

I relaxed a bit and stumbled to the hostile pony that was waking up for the second time in as many minutes. Iridescence was speechless as I placed my hoof firmly on his neck, forcing him to breath in the wretched scent of the dead pony beneath him, “don’t make any unwelcome moves. They will be met with unyielding pain and Octavia’s Wrath. Understand?” His Indication Of Being went white and he nodded into his deceased companion, “what were you doing here?” I asked.

A gruff, albeit frightened voice answered, “this was our territory, dig? We’s the Diamond Dogs. Baddest bunch in da wasteland! We own all the Donut Joe’ses this side of Canterlot, we gut any pony who come out this way and show ‘em for all to see. Or, we used to anyway.” his grammar was deplorable. At the very least, he sounded honest.

“Uh-huh. Well do me a favour and go up the stairs and leave, ‘dig?’ Or I’ll do what I did to your friend you’re layin’ on. I’m not joking. I took more bullets in one sitting last night than I ever have in my life, and I’m not happy about it. I know your story, and I understand now, but that doesn’t exactly make what I saw up there any better. I’m just lettin’ you know that you might oughta warn your friends that I’ll make sure to have all their problems go away with the press of a trigger. And don’t confuse what I said for a helpful offer,” I pressed down hard once before letting him scramble to his hooves and run out the door, leaving it open.

The Med-X was already wearing off. I needed something. I motioned for Iridescence to follow me out the hatch that the gang member had left ajar. The moment I reached the surface and a cold breeze brushed my ears, I felt more at ease. One thing I noticed, there was always barely audible gunfire in the distance. I could do this. My legs started shaking, sweat dripping from my face despite the cold.

Iridescence nudged me softly from behind, “you can get up there, can’t you?” she asked tentatively, “you don’t look so good...” I could practically hear her eyes open, “you look like you’re going to pass out!” (I already knew that, thanks.) She’s really with it. She was starting to panic.

“Chill,” my heart rate increasing and my brain struggling to stay focused, “I’m going to find a healing potion and everything will be okay. Everything. Just... be cool,” I deserved to be cock slapped by Celestia’s celestial penis; that was probably the dumbest thing that had ever escaped my lips. I’d have to remember to lynch myself if I lived through this.

The icy breeze nudged me forward, forcing me to crave the indoors again, eating at me through my barding as Iridescence limped patiently at my side while we passed the blood-stained doors leading into the donut chain. Entrails laid out in a decorative potpourri about the tables and chairs. The fryers behind the order counter had been filled with bones and urine. The bones didn’t look like they belonged to ponies, but that didn’t stop Iridescence from going to pieces, “Are those pony bones? Oh no, they are, aren’t they. Why would somepony do this?” she could be a real drama queen if you let her.

After a brief moment of reassurance that it wasn’t, I was positive, as bad as she thought, she simmered down, even if she did look a little sick. It smelled terrible, and it didn’t look much better, but it was evident that these body parts mostly belonged to smaller beings, especially now in the crisp morning light. Beyond the fryers was a small hallway leading to a bathroom and break room.

I almost fell to my knees when I saw the first aid kit in the bathroom. I really did fall to my knees when I tried to get it open with my magic and realised that it was locked (one part relief, one part exhaustion), “just wait there, I’ll do it!” she asserted while I lay helpless in the doorway, resting in a pool of what I could only guess was vomit.

“Chunky yellow goes pretty well with white linoleum,” I gagged and added what little was still in my stomach after saying this: I was a sick pony. The pain coupled with the epiphany that I was sitting in somepony’s previous lunch made me heave. Iridescence inhaled sharply and started working at the box again, determined to find out what was in it. After coughing and turning my nose away from the mess I was situated in, I added, “y’know I may not be the most intelligent pony on the planet, and I’ll bet it’s been said before, but isn’t a locked emergency medical kit kind of the antithesis of a, well... an emergency medical kit?” Iridescence ignored me and kept going until it finally clicked open.

“Somepony had tried breaking it apart first, but these are made better than I thought possible,” she nickered while giving me the contents of the healing receptacle, “I thought they were made of plastic, but the dents from the bullets say otherwise,” she rambled for a minute while I swiftly finished off two of three healing potions (berry punch flavour?), my wounds already closing around the pistol rounds. I made a mental note to get those out later. How anticlimactic.

When my breathing had slowed to a normal rate and Iridescence’ eyes weren’t plates, I inspected the rest of the supplies. We had one healing potion, which I gave to my companion to fix up her leg, a syringe of Med-X, some surgical tape, and two rolls of healing bandages. I kept them all in my saddlebags, Iridescence knowing even less than me about how they worked. Or at least, that’s the impression she made with all of the mystified looks and endless questions she was giving and asking as I sorted through the materials.

She looked and sounded like an idiot.

The air nipped at my nose, blowing in from all the cracks and holes in the room. There was a toilet smashed apart in the corner, and a sink in equally bad condition. Nothing else worth our time in this room. As we made our way to the lounge room, I noticed that it was both the neatest and warmest room, insulated by patches of cardboard along the walls. Makeshift beds of cloth and degenerating newspapers were placed around the furniture that had been shoved into corners. There was a soda and ammunition vending machine to one side.

“Wait, an ammunition vending machine? In a lounge room for chain restaurant workers? What...” I cocked my head, and Iridescence looked them over more closely, pulling out the loose bullet or two hidden in the shadows and underneath the machines and couches, bouncing.

“Never know when you’ll need these, huh?” she was almost jovial as she scampered around the room looking for the odd munitions cartridge, thoughts of me dying apparently far away. She floated them up one at a time in her strangely pale-rainbow magic as she found them, her flank in the air, tail swishing around, “see?” she beamed and showed me bullets of various calibers, one of just about everything, ranging from what I guessed was a .22 to a colossal shell that could probably rip a pony apart simply by being in the general vicinity. (How could anypony miss that thing?)

“Right. I’ll make certain to use that big one as a bomb later,” I joked. She took me seriously and backed up, eyebrows raised. I rolled my eyes and wandered through to the centre of the room.

“Hey, um, there’s one of those ammo boxes behind the chairs over there,” she pointed with her horn, a new and awkward thing for her. While I was doing this, the repeating two dozen or so songs stopped and was replaced with a pleasing, masculine voice. Of course, I stopped to listen.

“Hey, children! Listen up, ‘cause it’s time... for the morning news! That’s right it’s your favourite time of the day. The time when you learn if your favourite town was sacked in a raid or not,” shuffling papers by the microphone, “so first off, our favourite li’l stable dweller’s on her way to do some good things, and has hitched a train! Won’t be long ‘till some actual good is done around here! Second, we got Security makin’ more of her name for herself in the Hoof, and a Reaper by the name o’ Deus is on her tail. Everypony, remember to pray for her in her time of need. She’s gonna need it with all that firepower after her!” DJ-PON3 cleared his throat, “oh, and as a side note, there’s a new pony out there, fresh from ‘is own stable. News is delayed from the SCC and Hoof Feathers area, and this is the first time in a long while anything worth noting’s happened up their, we got ourselves a special report! Listen ta this: the stallion’s got himself a run-in with a band of hunters and raiders in the same day! Now, that’s not too uncommon, as everypony knows, but he took the hunting party by surprise on top of Black Mesa Peak, the one and only spot on the map that isn’t everfree with living trees, said to be the easiest spot to defend in the area: it’s got that nice slope, the trees for cover from above, and there’s a whole one way up! They had the advantage, a whole five ponies, and he took one, and let the others go... can you believe that? When does that happen? Never! That’s when! The rule is that if you’re caught with your tail up, you’re fucked in the Equestrian Wasteland. But he convinced the four remaining ponies to befriend ‘em, too! I wish I could make friends with light conversation!” I was starting to blush, previously only a concept. I was pretty damned sure he was referring to me, but I didn’t deserve... well... any acknowledgement. Well... maybe just a little.

“But if that wasn’t enough, the badass that is The Doctor proceeded to take out a whole diner full of Diamond Dogs. Yeah, yeah, those guys are pussies, and probably the weakest band o’ thugs the wasteland’s ever seen, but he let two, and yes, I mean two live! They sure did scram: word is, the next several diners to the west’ve been warned. Keep your eyes out, and your body covered, Doctor n’ Company (yes, I’m talking to you, little filly,) it gets mighty cold at night out that-a-way. And now, back to Sweetie Belle, singin’ ‘bout the royal wedding she attended when she was just a tot.” How in Equestria... did he know...? How did... Why did...? Who? So many questions. I’d kill for some answers.

Always,
By the moonlight,
There will be,
Another day,

And love sees,
what only,
true love can see,

Again, I didn’t feel all that original, but I was pretty sure I didn’t deserve this. Unfortunately I didn’t have anything on the DJ, his broadcast definitely proven to be original, so my personal inquiries would have to wait for a different time. I was, however, starting to get a feel for where I was in the wasteland. Somewhere in the general vicinity of a place called Hoof Feathers, and maybe somewhere called the SCC.

I took one look at the ammo box, saw the lock, and like an idiot, reacted with a shot from OW. I think I sealed the thing permanently shut. At least, there wasn’t going to be any way of opening it without setting off the ammo inside. I gave it to Iridescence who looked appalled at how poorly I’d treated the ammo case. There were some things I would just never understand, “I just don’t know what went wrong,” I offered, giving a pleading smile.

“At least it didn’t explode in his face,” she groaned to herself, “I don’t think this is going to get fixed any time soon. So I wouldn’t count on bringing it along. Good work, Doctor Bebop,” she’d used sarcasm successfully for the first time in quite a while, and made an attempt at a jest with what I’d been dubbed. I never really even considered that my cutie mark stood for anything. It looked more like glyphs, and it only showed up in one textbook we had in the stable. Somepony recognized it, I had started to doubt it and somepony recognized it... and no matter how much it weirded me out, I was thankful, “so how do you think he knew? I never thought you’d be on the news. Well, I was in the news, too, but more importantly, you got a whole two minutes about you on the air! That is so. Awesome!” she was practically giddy. Hadn’t this Watcher fellow mentioned something about better weapons and barding? Truthfully, all that other crap was in such bad condition, I thought that what we were wearing was probably better than anything these ponies had. Their weapons were in such poor condition that it wouldn’t be worth our time to salvage any of it.

I shrugged off what Iridescence was rambling on about and continued about the room. There was a map in the corner with a single circled-multiple-times dot in the far left corner. Salt Cube City. That question got answered quickly. SCC. I hmmed and sat on my haunches, looking at the map. It was so badly outlined that I hadn’t a clue where it was relative to our location. According to the compass rose, it was in the north, and from what I could gather, we were in the north, but not too far. I could tell, even with the aged parchment the map was made on, that the SCC area was covered in what must have been... snow? I’d make that number two on my places-to-see-before-I-die list.

When I looked down from the map, I heard a click and my pipbuck had put the location far north of where we were. Really far. Like, month-away-on-hoof far. If I was sprinting. And didn’t stop to rest. And had some serious motivation. Like Nightmare Moon, “well, I know what I want to do one of these days, but not anytime soon,” I announced to nopony in particular. Actually, with my luck, that place didn’t have snow any more. Or it was a crater. Or I was seeing ash instead of storybook material amazingness.

I needed to figure out how to fix up barding. Or get somepony else to do it.

As we were walking out, I noticed the one– raider, had DJ called it? –With the well-worn scientist outfit. It was double-thick and if it was anything like the ones in the stable, it was resistant to acid and lightly lead-lined. It also made you feel really ‘science-y’ when you wore it. While this had been subject to the environment for years, it was in pretty good condition. At least it wasn’t full of bullet holes. I asked Iridescence if she wanted it first, and she shook her head. I took off the torn welder-pony barding showing my frustrating blue coat. If only this thing had been black. I was beginning to dress to fit my meta-ego.

Then Iridescence did something unexpected. She ripped bits of it off and padded her own barding with it. While it may not have done much, I was fairly certain it would be better than a citizen’s jumpsuit, “common sense,” she smiled. The scientist outfit was a little heavy, but it was warm, and worked doubly as a jacket. I felt sorry for Iridescence, going into the wind with just her stopgap stable barding.

On our way out, in a shelf compartment under the cashier counter, I noticed a cache of the strangest syringes and tablets I’d ever seen. I wasn’t too keen on injecting myself with anything called dash, and buck looked to be a bit overkill, the side-effects listed being somewhere between hazardous and downright lethal. But the mentats caught my eye. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen a tin of those. I’d only ever used them once, and they didn’t taste very good, but I needed to pass that test and... it didn’t end too well. Taking pharmaceuticals to compensate for personal deficiencies wasn’t on my to-do list. Maybe you should be compensating for what you lack.

I stuck them in my bag. Buck in particular ringing up a fair price in whatever currency it had defaulted to. I’d gotten slightly better armor out of this, and a bit of goods to what I surmised I would be using as trade. Ammo, too if you counted the miscellany of munitions Iridescence had collected.

You could hear the wind whistling around the corner and over the rooftop. The sky was cloudy, and I only had one place to go. The ‘Pinky Pie is Watching You Forever’ billboard was casting its shadow across the road in the morning light. Utterly depressing. No wonder the ponies I’d met so far were as... eldritch as they were: like they all had the Med-X blues.

Walkin’ down the highway, my ears had started to freeze and Iridescence was shivering. It was wide open and freezing out there on the road. Just about no way to hide out here. We were the only ones for miles, for what I could see... “Hi there!” a metallic, scratchy voice got me from behind.

I jumped about as high as I was standing up straight, “Celes’cha damnit to hell! Don’t do that, you stupid robot,” I said it as more of a quip, but they both (stared?) at me in silence for a long while before anyone said anything. Turned out that anyone had to be me, “sorry about that, I’m not usually so quick to anger, I’m just on edge after being shot more times than I ever had in my life,” completely true, one had to admit.

“Right,” the steel insect continued, “so I saw what you did back there. You made quick work of them and then let them go. Now I’m not going to lie to you, or keep secrets, so I’ll be outright and admit that I’ve helped a few others, too. You’re not the first. You’re probably not that last. But don’t think you aren’t unique: you are the first to come face-to-face with raiders and let any live out of simple courtesy. You also haven't made any major fuck-ups recently, so congratulations.” That last comment made me think.

“I’m sorry, but do I understand that y’all expect me to screw up somewhere along the line? ‘Cause that’s not somethin’ I plan on doing anytime soon. I almost did back there, but I didn’t, so everything’s good,” I made my case plain and simple. I expected a straight answer.

I didn’t really get one, “it is expected that anypony I ask for help to learn along the way. Some make immeasurable and or innumerable mistakes. I know ponies that have killed millions out of the kindness of their heart and good intentions. I know some that have made small mistakes and made them out to be worse than they were. Regardless, they are better off for them than they were,” he sounded a bit like what I pictured a medicine bull of a buffalo tribe would. They probably didn’t exist any more.

“Thanks for the enthusiasm and all, but we need to get going,” Iridescence voiced for me, “the next town is supposed to be down this road a ways,” thank goddesses she could speak for me sometimes.

“And I’ll let you get right to that in a minute, but there’s one more thing I need to tell you. It’s about virtues,” I was completely confused,

“What’s a virtue? I mean, the definition is ‘a quality considered morally good’ and whatnot, but somethin’s tellin’ me that’s not quite what you’re after,” I made my best guess.

“My, aren’t you perceptive? Yes, what I’m telling you about does involve a personal trait considered morally good, but you need to find... your own. Ever heard of the six elements of harmony?” Watcher was getting in pretty deep.

“Yeah,” Iridescence and I answered simultaneously.

“This has little to do with that,” my eye twitched in irritation.

“What’s this about, then?” My pink companion was starting to turn red with annoyance, whereas my tail was starting to flick from side to side.

“While you may have one of those six special virtues, it is not at all unlikely that yours is different and more complex than just honesty or laughter. Can you imagine finding a pony with either of those out here? Back to my point: I’m savvy to your limited experiences out here, but I’ll bet you’ve already heard about virtues somewhere, and I’ll bet you noticed that it most likely wasn’t one of the six you learned about as colt and...” Watcher paused and swivelled to face Iridescence, “well, you’re still a filly,” he chuckled harshly through the robot without cadence or inflection. He was right about me hearing about them. It wasn’t as though I was completely unknowledgeable about these things.

Iridescence huffed and turned around, unwilling to face the metal bug. I got a good laugh out of it, too, “something like ‘don’t kill those that have helped you,’ it’s like loyalty, or maybe an offshoot of honesty in some cases, but it’s a bit less pure than that. Understand?”

“Sorta,” I replied, glancing back to the sulking pink pony, “so the strongest of virtues are the main 6?” I thought I had it.

“Not necessarily,” damn it, “I don’t have long on account of these spritebots having great technicians monitoring them, but to be clear, you need to find your own virtue so that you can hold onto yourself. It doesn’t sound like a big deal now, but–” he was abruptly cut off and replaced by absurdly patriotic music, heavy on the drum. Too bad I’ll never really know what he was going to say.

As the recently dubbed spritebot drifted away, Iridescence turned back to me, “can we go now? I’m cold,” she walked up to me and nuzzled my neck, something I hadn’t expected.

I coughed and looked away before answering, “sure, let’s keep going,” my scientist coat waving in the wind. By the time we reached any kind of shelter, we would be icicles.

^^^***^^^

Sometime before dusk, the wind stopped blowing, and it became calm, a faintly lit town could be seen in the distance. The entire rest of the day had been nothing but walking. We had encountered little more than dust and advertisements for sparkle cola along the road. Just as it looked as though we would be sleeping in the open, a dilapidated eatery reared its ugly head on the horizon, originally hidden behind a curtain of sand.

When we entered, there wasn’t much to speak of except radroaches. The only reason I knew what they were was because when we saw them splatter open, it showed the same unpalatable “meat” from two days earlier when we’d encountered the hunters and borrowed half their food.

There wasn’t much inside: every side room had, for all intents and purposes, imploded in upon itself. A previously opened medical supply container had been tossed on the floor, pink butterflies face-up. There were bullet casings laying around, which Iridescence deftly picked up and stored for later. I had no idea what you could do with the leftovers from a bullet. As far as I was concerned, the answer was ‘nothing.’ My partner sure seemed to have it down, though.

When I’d laid out the blanket across a ratty bed roll I found in the corner, I facehoofed, “I forgot the book and magazines. Stupid, stupid, stupid!” I struck myself repeatedly, wishing for reading material. Iridescence stopped me and pushed me toward the bed. She wanted to keep watch first. I agreed and watched the sun set.

The cracked glass offered a fascinating show of orange and red dust motes moving through the air. It was beautiful, and I tried to grab one with my magic, but I could only succeed in getting ahold of a group of them. I just wasn’t good enough. No focus.

I let my eyes drift closed and– hey, why was Iridescence watching me with that smug grin on her face? I stopped caring. It didn’t really matter. I stayed awake for just a bit longer, my eyes kept shut, and heard her approach me. I half expected her to shoot me, or punch me. And I was ready to get back up at the drop of a needle, but nothing happened. Somepony clicked off my radio, singing of melancholy days, and nuzzled my ear before walking away. I was too tired to wonder about anything.

^^^***^^^

03:03. Iridescence tapped me on the back until I stayed awake, “it’s your turn,” she said wearily, her eyes already closing, collapsing onto the filthy bedroll. It was fine. I would watch everything. I would keep us safe. Always you, isn’t it? Iridescence wouldn’t be getting as much sleep as I did, I guessed. I almost wished she’d let me take watch earlier.

Wind whipped about on the outside, creating a symphony of howls and whistles. The building creaked and moaned. Creepy would have been a simple euphemism. I went through our packs, sorting and rearranging. My OW, her 10mm, plenty of paste food. I squeezed out a bit and ate it. Bland. I took a drink and noted how thirsty I had been. Iridescence had already been in the packs and done the same.

Upon closer inspection, it looked as though my friend had also been taking apart and putting her weapon back together while I had been resting. She had done a sloppy job and her weapon looked as though it might jam the next time it fired; loose bolts and screws galore. At least she was familiarizing herself with something I was certain she’d be using almost every day from now on.

This place was really dull. There wasn’t any way to see other than using the feeble light emanating from my pipbuck. Probably why Iridescence had messed up so badly. When I checked the pipbuck, the condition rating was really low, and worth a minimal amount of money. (Again and again, I have to think HOW DOES IT DO THAT?) A glance around the room and nothing but black and moldy furniture. My pipbuck didn’t read any life other than the dusty pink pony in the corner.

I could see my breath.

This was the coldest I’d ever been, and after incisive meditation I formulated that it was incredibly uncomfortable. I had no idea how to start a fire. I traced the cracks in the floor with the tip of my hoof, my horn, my nose. I felt the boredom could’ve been described as borderline esoteric. Even with my lamp spell, it didn’t light up enough of anything to do much good. It was just obnoxious when shined into my eyes.

I mused to myself for several minutes about what I was supposed to do later. Did I want to go to this town? To the place or person called Hoof Feathers? What did I think about Iridescence, and what did I feel like doing now? There wasn’t anything stopping me from doing what I’d always wanted to, the glyph on my flank telling me, calling to me, directing me. I could help ponies out here that needed it.

I didn’t really know what a cutie mark did, I just knew why it was there. Some ponies didn’t. Iridescence’ was two crossed paintbrushes, a dot forming at the point where they touched. I traced every bit of it with my eyes for a stretch, that is, until I realised that I was staring at her rear the entire time.

I knew why Iridescence’ mark was there, I knew what it (probably) stood for. But then there was mine. I thought I knew what my talent was. I thought I knew what I was good at, what my destiny was. Just a white symbol sitting there on my flank. Taking up space, as it were. What would we do once we got to the town? Tell everypony it was okay to live there? Just head on back to stable 34? Questions. Questions racing through my head. I watched my breath, suspended in the air, dissipate slowly. I stretched, feeling the lead under my skin. I shuddered. Because of the cold or the odd sensation of something that didn’t belong, I wasn’t certain. Maybe both.

I watched Iridescence’ ribs rise and fall with every breath. I thought about the next town. I’d have to ask people there if they could let twelve more ponies stay. If there were ponies as keen on keeping their territory as the Diamond Dogs, I’d bet they wouldn’t let them stay there. Unless maybe... I wasn’t sure. I was just going on hope. I hoped a lot of things would happen.

I listened to my mother’s last recording. A momento?

I flipped on the radio. Big band playing this morning. No news. I found myself thinking about the Stable Dweller and Security figures he’d mentioned. Who were they, what kind of ponies were they? Did they have virtues? Of course they do. Everypony else seems to have one. Except you and Iridescence. Maybe everypony else had a virtue. It was still but but an enigma to me. I didn’t care. I didn’t need anything to keep my mind on track. So arrogant.

I breathed on the fractured glass. I drew my cutie mark and watched it fade. I drew myself and Iridescence, side by side, wandering down the road at what I would forevermore recognize as sunset. A cartoon sun from a child’s book in the background. I daydreamed, desiring a happy life.

The wind stopped suddenly.

I took another bite of the paste. Nearly ice. At some point, I had turned off my radio. A song I’d heard once as a colt played through my mind instead. Its sadness, ironically uplifting. I hummed along, matching the rhythm and pace from what I remembered. It was jazz. I loved jazz.

A bass, xylophone, drums, guitar. I didn’t know how most ponies would play these instruments. I ignored the triviality of it all and started singing it to myself quietly. As it came to a close, the outside was filled with a stunning pink light. It was foggy this morning, but everything glowed rosily in the morning radiance. 07:49.

I couldn’t believe I’d been awake that long. It invoked within me a sadness that I did not know existed. I had not been aware that I could be as melancholy. I was disconsolate, not moving, tears forming in my eyes. My throat hurt, and I wasn’t sick. It was the first time in my life that I was moved by the sheer ineffable existence of everything. I would be tempted to call it an existential crisis if.

I hummed the song over and over until the sun had risen well beyond the ridge. Until Iridescence got up on her own accord. She looked at me, sleep in her eyes, “what are you smiling for?” I didn’t know what to tell her, “you have a nice voice when you’re not using it to be sarcastic and a smartass,” she looked away and got to her hooves.

I grinned and said, “today will be a good day,” I shoved her playfully while she shivered in the frigid dawn air. Frost had formed on the windows. It looked like what formed on drinks if they got cold. Our hooves click-clacked on the floor as we got our things and opened the door. Once agape, our teeth started chattering. I could get used to it, though. As uneventful as yesterday was, I assured myself today would be different. I could get something done worth both of our times.

The cold, wet air hung to my scientist outfit, and dripped from Iridescence’ patchwork barding. Everything about it was beautiful. The town was a grey outline in the distance. Within reach, yet too far away to... to what? Uncertainty plagued my every thought. My partner kept close and turned on my radio for me. An unfamiliar song. Very optimistic and bullish; a foil to my present thoughts.

It ended and as it was fading out, somepony else practically faded in. “...Mmmmmm’ello, Equestrian Wastland! It’s DJ-PON3, bringin’ you the news, no matter how bad it hurts. –heh heh– First thing’s first, children, the little town o’ Sunset’s been havin’ some trouble with the Incendiary Gangers. Apparently, they’ve been housin’ somepony they’re after and they won’t say where he is. Kind-hearted, that town. But that’s what it’s been like for a few days, their current situation is as of yet unknown,” there was a long enough pause that I considered the possibility that the station had gone off air. Iridescence and I kept trotting down the foggy highway, the way stretching forward soundlessly, “don’t think I’ve forgotten about our favourite little saviour, she’s been up to some real good, here recently. Fixed that whole situation down at Old Appleoosa. She’s gotten her hooves on several would-be slaves and is transporting them back to New Appleoosa. Not too sure how well that’s gonna work out, but only time will tell.”

This guy was really easy to listen to, “now we’ve got Security runnin’ errands. Ain’t she a doll, doin’ chores for all sorts o’ ponies that need ‘em done. Last I heard, she was thinkin’ o’ gettin’ some radscorpion poison glands for– get this– a casserole! Whatever stallion can get to her first, consider yourself the luckiest bastard in all of Equestria!” These figures he spoke of, they were what everypony should be, but weren’t, “from now on, I’d also like ta let you know that The Doctor has sparked my interest, and I’ll be checkin’ in on him and his friend on occasion. That is, whenever the signal works over that way. So far, it seems like he’s taken a hiatus. Well, that companion of his is probably keepin’ ‘im busy. She’s cute enough, but has some father issues if that’s what she’s goin’ for. A bit young-lookin’,” I turned to Iridescence and her eyes had widened to the point that that alone was enough to make me laugh. Even this pony I’d never met before was thinking along the same lines. He trailed off and the music started up again. I snickered to myself for the next several minutes before the painter pony said anything. Her cheeks were bright red.

“It’s not funny,” she whimpered. I rolled my eyes.

“It sure-as-Discord is for me,” I smiled and turned to her, mane drooping over her face, dew forming on the tips, “I saw you messed with your gun,” she looked up at me.

“Sor–” I cut her off.

“No. You’re not. That, and curiosity is a good thing. You’re more into those than I am. This thing I have here,” I unsheathed OW and showed her the simplicity of the weapon, blocky, and without an aim sight, “is so easy to use, I don’t even have to think about it. You on the other hoof, have to work your brain a bit harder to use it, even if it’s a only a little bit, it’s still more than me,” I offered. She took it and flipped her frown around.

“You’re so nice to me...” she started and went silent. I raised an eyebrow and turned to her. No reaction, just walking. We kept going. We remained mute for the next hour. We cut paths in the fog at times, and at others, the town was clear enough to make out vague details. (An oxymoron of sorts, yes.) My E.F.S. kept watch over everything. At some point, we reached a small crater. We were just over the ridge of the town now. Inside was a refrigerator. Inside of that was a pile of bones. Upon said bones was a hat. A very nice hat. I wasn’t sure if nopony had touched it out of respect, or legitimately never seen it. The fact that the hat was still on, alone was enough to make me want to take it. It looked... suave. I would have it. Without any permission, I took it and placed it firmly on my head. I now looked like something between an explorer and scientist. The pipbuck labelled it, Suave Adventurer Hat. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The town wasn’t guarded, and was composed of various trailers and ranches, things I’d read about but never seen. Laying around the town were vines that looked a bit like what I’d pictured melons as in miniature. Cracked asphalt and dirt lined the streets. (All two of ‘em.) There was a restaurant at the opposite end of the outskirts of town. As I looked at it more closely, it was situated inside a sort of bowl in the earth. A large wooden sign marked two houses right next to each other. “Docter” and “Mayer.” Apparently, nopony could spell in this town. My obsessive compulsive disorder was kicking in.

Before anything else, I went straight to the signs and... sat there. I didn’t know what to do with dried paint. I hadn’t a clue about where to even start! I asked Iridescence to come over and do... whatever it was that she did. Without even breaking a sweat, she liquified the paint and rearranged the e’s to make o’s. There was no one out to watch. It was cold enough to understand.

I peeked at the windows. From what I could tell, half the houses were inhabited. Good news for the former residents of 34. The main buildings of commerce were most likely the bar; talking could be heard from outside, Iridescence stayed by the window, hunkered down so she could listen in on other pony’s conversations. I didn’t care much for that and let her be. The other was a shop. Closed, “from 8 p.m to whenever I wake up. Maybe 7 a.m. maybe 3 a.m. maybe noon. Depends on how much I was drinking,” it got smaller and smaller on the board until it was scrunched together on one end in red paint. It was closed. 11:20: must’ve had a party.

Only one thing left to do. I sauntered on up to the mayor’s building and knocked three times. The brown-maned and blue pony opened the door. His most defining characteristic was his mustache. It was crazy. There were no other words to describe it, “hello. What can I do ya for?” he sounded perfectly pleased that he had someone to talk to.

“Hi. I’m The Doctor, and that over there,” I pointed to my companion, crouched idiotically under a window, “is my associate.”

Hoofnote: Level up!

Perk: Entomologist: Your close attention to behavioural patterns allows you to deal an extra 50% damage against insects! (How about that?!)

Honky Tonk Mares

Fallout Equestria: Wasteland Shuffle

~Bebop n’ Company

Chapter 3: Honky Tonk Mares

"TLC as in 'Tender Loving Care' or 'Total Lost Cause?'"

“Uh-huh, you’re the one that was on the radio,” the mustachioed mayor said skeptically, “so what?” I hadn’t considered the ‘so what’ thing. I didn’t know. Shit.

“Uhhh... ummm,” I stalled, “Kind of. I know what you’re thinking: random pony walks into town and knocks on the mayors’ door almost directly after a mention on the radio because, coincidentally, he and his companion might look kinda like him. Yeah. Umm...” the mayor I was speaking with was beginning to look awfully impatient.

“Either get to your point or git, understand? It’s cold out here, and you’re makin’ me leave my door open. I sure as Celestia ain’t gonna let you in, either,” a scowl had begun to form on his face.

“My apologies, but can I see the other one?” I thought maybe I could have more luck with the other head of town.

“Other one?” The legitimately confused mayor asked, “it’s just me here. What the hell’s wrong with you?” This was going downhill by the second.

I must have miscalculated, maybe the other was deceased, I mean, obviously there are two leaders, everything just falls apart if there aren’t, “Oh, my condolences. I’m sorry for your loss,” I offered, hoping he would accept the apology.

“I’m sorry, I think you should leave,” nope. Just as he was closing the door, I put my hoof in the way.

“I have a favour to ask of you,” I stated plainly, “My partner and I are from Stable 34 in the hill you call Black Mesa Peak. My name is Bebop: I can administer the proper dosage of any chem you need, and determine a lot of illnesses and causes. I don’t do surgery. My partner over there is Blind Iridescence, but Blind fits her better; she paints. We fixed your signs,” I pointed to the recently edited Mayor and Doctor sign, “we need somewhere to put the remaining survivors of our stable: we were attacked by what I’ve gathered to be hell hounds, please find it in your soul to let us put them in your empty homes, they’ll bring things to trade and be hard workers, I promise,” I hadn’t let the stallion before me speak once, though he hadn’t left me talking to air, either, his back was to me and I could tell he was contemplating what to do, “I will let you have sex with my partner if you let me do this,” I was practically begging, though making sure to keep quiet. My moral boundaries were at their limits.

“I’ll tell you h-wat,” the mayor drawled, “if you can do a little something for me, I’ll...” he paused, “I’ll see if I can’t find a place for your alleged stable members. There are a lot openin’ up recently it seems,” he seemed to be speaking to himself toward the end.

“I might be goin’ the wrong way with this,” I nickered, keeping an eye on Iridescence, still crouched by the windows, “but if you’re gonna ask what I think you’re gonna ask, my barn doors don’t swing that way, and I was only kidding when I talked about my partner like that,” oh goddess, I hoped I hadn’t just pissed him off. I didn’t know what it was going to be like up here, but I already knew that kind of thing wouldn’t fly everywhere.

He chuckled. Oh merciful Celestia, he chuckled, and not in a menacing way... it was warm... my relief was almost palpable, “not even close, but thank you for clarifying, I don’t know what it is about you, but I’m pretty sure I can trust ya with all my caps in the dead o’ night with my back turned,” I didn’t know what to make of that statement, but the word caps rung a bell, “no, what I want you to do is much more difficult than that. But I hear you can take care of yourself, if DJ’s words are ringin’ true,” I didn’t know what to say to that.

He’d turned back around to face me, “why don’t you and your,” he looked to Iridescence with a sly grin and back to me, “partner, come in. I’ll see to it that you have good food in your stomachs, and some hard cider to ease your minds,” this guy was... dare I say, charitable? Not even in the stable was someone so polite!

His cowpony vest was now visible as he waved for Iridescence and I called. One or two other ponies of different colours and races poked their heads through curtains to see what was going on. One of them was what I assumed was a pegasus. There was one in 34, but he was old and didn’t have any close relatives. I was going to be one of the last in 34 to see one. And here was a bright green and black one right in town.

Iridescence scampered up and my new blue-brown acquaintance introduced himself by saying, “your friend said he’d let me sleep with you to let your stable members live in town,” he grinned ear to ear while the pink pony next to me reared up for a hoof to my side.

I dodged her buck and stepped inside his- I wasn’t sure what it was- ranch? Two rooms in all: a living room with a kitchen and bathroom across from each other, nothing but a curtain separating the two, and a bedroom. It smelled like something I’d never smelled before. Sweet and... words could not express it: it was something I’d simply never experienced before. I put my saddlebags in the corner, Iridescence did the same before kicking my flank.

Mustache pony trotted to the other side of the room and brought from the top of his stove, three big slices of something that made my mouth water, “it’s called Brahmin,” he explained. He eyed us and added, “you’ve never had meat before, have you?” We most certainly hadn’t.

“No, but only because The Doctor here was stupid enough to give it back to some hunters we’d met on the way here,” I facehoofed at Iridescence’ answer. She was telling the story all wrong!

“Suns t’ ne ‘e wush dzush doin’ uh righ’ ‘hing, nissy,” the mayor defended, tray in mouth. He set it down on a table near the center of the room in front of his stove. It was pleasantly warm, and perceivably claustrophobic in the building. Iridescence sighed and looked down at her food and dug in, “does she do that a lot? She’s just a filly, I see, but she’s not that young. You would know, right?” he raised an eyebrow at me, a ‘knowing’ look on his face. Seemed most ponies were mistaking us for a couple, rather than a duo. It bothered me.

“Actually, I wouldn’t. These last few days were the first time in my entire life I’d spent more than ten minutes with her at a stretch. I hope not,” I returned his look with one of uncertainty.

He stretched his back, “do you need any silverware?” he was getting up for his own.

“Yes, please, sir,” I made certain to be mannerly around this generous individual. I glared at the pony next to me, wolfing down her steak, attempting to eat it all at once. And failing.

She was choking.

I gave her a slap on the back, “you idiot!” she was coughing and wheezing, her eyes showing fear. I put my hooves just under her rib cage, the mayor watching, and brought down a bit of force three times before the chewed up hunk of meat was back on her plate, “goddess damnit, you’re stupid,” I exhaled in pure, unadulterated mitigation.

“So you live up to your name at least. I s’pose now’d be the appropriate time to let you know my name’s Law. L-A-W, Law. That’s all there is to it. It’s also kinda funny, ‘cause we don’t have any sheriff or deputy to carry it out. So really, it’s just me. And ahm really not fer enforcing much of anythin’,” his name was simple and befitting of someone in his position. The planked wood floor had pony spit and a few strands of pink hair on it now. Wind whistled outside.

“Well, a bit late, but late’s better than never, I guess,” I chortled, “my, well I assume it’s my nickname, is so accurate, I have no idea how the DJ’s managed to get it right. I haven’t shown any of my talent until now,” I showed off my pipbuck, “I was listening to him, and the only way I can think he’d decide my nickname is by seeing my cutie mark, and that was really only visible for a few minutes at most,” our host hmmed.

“Mr. PON3’s pretty good at figurin’ anything out if he wants to. You come into contact with someone that might be an informant? Couldn’t have been one of the raiders er hunters- too far away, I dunno,” he cut the steak with his fork in one hoof and knife in the other. I had no idea how earth ponies could do that.

“There was this robot, er, spritebot we came into contact with that told us to go to that diner first. I don’t know why it did that, this place was on our way, anyway,” I subsided as Law gave me a stern look.

“Now don’t be goin’ crazy on me, all those spritebots do is play that Celestia-damnable music and broadcast Red Eye’s beliefs. Goddesses know we’re having enough trouble with the changelings and manticores,” he ranted on like this for several minutes before giving up trying to explain Sunset’s situation, “now let me be absolutely straightforward: spritebots DO NOT talk to ponies,” I looked around the room, dust floating in the air, and our host cleared his throat, “getting back to the matter at hand. We’ve been having an issue with our water,” when I lifted a piece of steak up to my mouth, my pipbuck tick-ticked a little. It was in the green, so I didn’t mind. I nodded for him to go on, “it’s not so much that we can’t get it, as it is the caravan that’s supposed to deliver it gets attacked just a little ways out of town, and nopony here is willing to offer any kind of assistance. I thought it was Diamond Dogs, but this road’s goin’ somewhere else. We have another convoy arriving tomorrow. Truth be told, we’re pretty much up a creek if’n we can’t get it soon,” he finished.

His story sounded intriguing and I accepted without a second thought. Anything to get 34 down here. This was a nice bunch, though having to transport water was a foreign concept, I was quite willing to accept it as part of these pony’s lives.

Iridescence had other plans, however, “I don’t think so. Let me ask some questions, or I’m not doing anything,” she was going to be a pain.

“Shut up and do it,” I was waving to her and cursing through my teeth.

“Now, now, I’ll answer some questions,” mustache-mayor pony reassured me.

“Okay then,” she began, “are the ponies escorting the water armed? Was the offending party armed? How many were there? What kind of power were they packing? Why do you need to trade for water anyway? What do you use to trade for the water? How long has this been going on? How much does water cost?” Her list of inquiries went on and on. Both the mayor and I stopped listening and whinnied under our breath every few minutes after she asked how much water costed per cc. I was going to have to slap her here pretty soon.

He answered her first questions, which seemed the most intelligible, “Yes, they were armed. Both sides of the conflict. I don’t know– two guards and a trader with his pack brahmin. I don’t have a clue how many the attackers had with them. The caravaneers had rifles and pistols. The others appear to be using magical energy weapons of some kind. We need water ‘cause we don’t live near one o’ the pure lakes or rivers around the area; this is one of the few places where you can find pure natural water in the Equestrian wasteland. We use bottlecaps, like any other place in Equestria. Otherwise, we trade our junk. The traders don’t care, they’ll buy or sell anything. This has been happening for the last two an’ a half weeks or so. It costs roughly 300 caps a barrel,” the word “bottlecap” raised even more questions.

“What’s a bottlecap? You mean like from a sparkle cola? We’re dirt poor, if that’s true. What’s somethin’ small like this steak cost?” she had a list of questions, and again, our host ignored most of them and only answered the first few.

His string of answers was concise and didn’t hold back any feelings of annoyance, “Yes, a bottlecap, like from a sparkle cola. I knew you probably wouldn’t have any to your name when you got here. You can trade for some down at the general store. She might have it open by now. This steak here could cost anywhere between 15 and 35 caps, depending on how good of a talker you are. I got the deal on that water down a hundred fifty caps,” he showed his pride at that statement, “if you really feel like you need to, try your hoof at sellin’ your wares down at Shelly’s Bric-a-Brac store. You’re bound to have somethin’ worth a few caps.” He gave me one final look before taking our plates back to his sink, “anyone ever tell you you look really odd in that coat with that hat?” I shrugged, but something about his speech pattern caught my attention.

After a minute or so of staring down at my hoofs, I realized he’d said ‘anyone,’ instead of ‘anypony.’ That was... different. It must have been due to different vocal pattern evolution on the surface in a spread out community versus a compact society like a stable. Before Law came back to give us more details about what we’d be doing, my head filled with all sorts of ideas about whether everypony talked like that on the surface, or if it was just particular areas. I would have to have a looksee at the other populations.

“I can see where you get that, but I think it fits my title. Even if it was on short notice,” he turned back to me. Iridescence sat in silence.

“You might want to find something better than that. It gets mighty chilly in this part of Equestria. Also it won’t do much for stopping bullets from bitin’ ya in the ass,” he laughed at his own comment, “but I digress. I’ll need you to set up early tomorrow morning eastward. The trader’ll be comin’ from that direction at about seven. Disaster tends to strike at around seven fifteen. I don’t know what kind of barding they’ll be wearing, but that pistol of yours looks to be pretty souped-up. Your friend’s 10mm should suffice. I’ll have you sleep at my house, and you can have a look around town until then. Do you have the time?” he finished.

I glanced down at my pipbuck, noon on the dot. He nodded.

“You’ve got plenty o’ time to meet the townsfolk. Just don’t scare ‘em away,” our host was in a friendly mood as he led us out. The first thing I wanted to do, was to check and see what I could buy and sell at the shop. I hoped it was open.

A look to my left and right showed the entirety of Sunset. It was impressive to me, that all these ponies were living on their own in small buildings. They were like dorm rooms, except separate, and each pony had to buy or work for them. It sounded like the remaining 12 of stable 34 would be let off easy. It was just a two minute walk down to the shop that had once said, “sorry, I’m closed,” (a strange way of letting others know that a trading post was unavailable for dealings and business.) In place of the sign, there was a window with tattered curtains, there more for effect than for privacy, I gathered.

Iridescence led the way in, plodding in as if to say, “hi there, I’ll be a constant annoyance while I’m here!” The grey earth pony at the counter rubbed his eyes. She looked to me, then back to the grey-pink pony in front of her. Back to me, this time her eyes asking for an explanation.

The owner started, “she always like this?” I was getting that a lot today. As if I was the official on her behaviour.

“Pretty much, yeah,” I responded with a subdued tone, “don’t mind her, it’s just,” I screwed up my face, thinking of the right words, “I have commodities I wish to trade with you in return for bottlecaps,” my speech was deliberate, attempting to impress the mare in hopes I might not be scammed as I surmised it would be easy to do with those inexperienced with haggling and whatnot. I had no notion of what I was supposed to be doing.

My partner kept wearing her stupid smile, “okay, then,” she looked at me, and I could tell she was stifling a laugh. Was it my clothes or what I said? I hoped I didn’t mess it up, “show me them ‘commodities’ and I’ll see what I c’n do,” a wry smile on her face. I took out half the paste food and showed it to her.

“This was supposed to last us while we did what we had to and returned to our stable, though I believe it may help to have some more caps on hand, see? I think a pretty young mare like yourself could understand. You’re obviously far more experienced, and already know that one must have caps to live, am I correct?” I was trying to be meticulous about everything I said, using every angle I could get on her to see that I got the most good out of this. Though, my last question was more honest than I let on. I had a suspicion that caps were fairly important in somepony’s life in the wasteland, but I wasn’t completely sure, “it never goes bad, and you can’t complain about the taste. Every packet comes with a small cardboard box of water, and a mix packet for orange juice,” I added. I didn’t think anypony up here had ever had an orange, much less seen food that was good for them, and didn’t expire.

The mare behind the counter couldn’t hold it back any longer. It wasn’t a gut-shaking guffawing like I had expected, but rather a giggling that wouldn’t settle. She had to have been around my age, but her voice was similar to somepony’s like Iridescence’, “oh, aren’t you a charmer! Haven’t had someone like you in my store for a good long while, now,” she thought about it while my partner and I stared in complete silence, “actually, I’ve never had such an alluring li’l buck in here before! You flirt like you know you can get me,” that wasn’t my intended effect, “alright, I’ll see about yer food there. Those look a bit like MRE’s but,” she ripped one open with her teeth, “yep, these have... juice boxes with water in ‘em,” she squeezed some into a container with the orange juice mix and slurped it down after stirring it, “these come with a few perks,” she tried some of the food, “it doesn’t taste too wonderful, but it’s not as bad as half the shit I eat every day,” she gave it a moment, scribbling sloppily with a pen in her mouth on a strip of old paper from what I guessed to be the index page a pre-war book, “665 caps, no more. That’ll practically clean out all my money, but ponies’ll be linin’ up to get their hooves on this!” she asserted.

There was a stillness that filled the room after the trader-pony’s burst of energy. I didn’t know how to react; if that was a good deal or not. That food took up more than half my inventory space and was really just a nuisance, “ta clarify, that’s about 17 caps a piece,” she interjected. I’d take it.

“Alrighty, then. miz...?” I waited for her response.

“Tulip, thanks for asking,” she smirked.

“My name’s Iridescence!” the aforementioned pony exclaimed.

“We accept your offer, but I’d just like to let you know, I didn’t mean to sound like I was flirting with you,” I stopped and amended, “that’s not to say you aren’t actually a real looker!” The pony I was speaking with perked up at this. I had said something I would either come to regret, or become thankful of decidedly quickly.

“You jist come on down whenever ya feel like it and I’ll treat you right. Don’t you worry about that,” she looked at me complacently. I wasn’t confident saying it was good or bad just yet, but a gut feeling told me to just go with the flow.

“I will. Thank you,” I tipped my hat and she laughed again. It was an entertaining little titter that could’ve been recognized anywhere in Equestria. She handed me a bag of caps and showed what she had for sale: bits and pieces of circuitry and cogs that didn’t belong anywhere in particular. An expensive something or other called a spark battery, ammunition for Iridescence’ weapon and mine, (of which, I bought 25 caps worth of each), pencils, clipboards, old books, chems, and baseball bats. And of course, the food I’d just sold her. She was one hell of an opportunist.

She told me halfway through browsing her selection that she could fix a few things for the right price. Naturally, I paid 170 caps for her to fix the weapon from parts she retrieved from the back. As a bonus, she let us know that we could always swap out the better parts from other weapons of the same model to replace the worn down ones in our own. She did not, however, show or tell us how we were supposed to go about doing that.

I may have been able to pick up a thing or two about it had I been watching. But I wasn’t. My attention drifted, as it seemed to do often, elsewhere. By the time she had finished, I had catalogued the inside of the little shop entirely. Sunset Trading Post in its entirety. Empty bottles in a corner by an old refrigerator. Boxes stacked high to one side of the room. The red wood counter, covered in dust and nik-naks, accented the room, giving it a natural feel. You could see her bedroom from where I was, “name’s Tulip, by th’ way,” Tulip said, “I may have already told ya, but my memory’s never been very good, I’m kind of a ditz,” at least she knows her own flaws.

“Yes, you’ve already told us, thank you. It sounds nice to hear you say it, all the same,” that got her cheeks to flush red, and she giggled again. Iridescence was rolling her eyes while I cooly let Tulip go about her business of making sure everything was as it should be.

“I’m payin’ ya for the one I sampled, too, just ta let ya know. Also...” there was a brief silence, “I want you to have this. No one else has come in to get it in all of the three years I’ve had it, so... here ya go!” she turned around and grabbed something off the shelf. Something I hadn’t noticed before. It was... something, that was for sure, “it’s a scope for your pistol thingy, there!” Tulip sounded well-nigh enraptured as she slackened her grip on it while my magic took form around it. It slid right into place on OW. Now I wouldn’t just have to estimate where the shot would exit.

My partner didn’t say a word, but I sure did, “thank you, thank you, thank you! A thousand times thank you. May you be blessed by Luna and Celestia both!” this had pretty much made my day. I didn’t know why.

“It’s nothin’!” she laughed, “just helpin’ ya get around an’ all that. Your friend’s suit says it all!” she must have been referring to how wrecked Iridescence’ stable barding looked, “actually, for 100 caps, I’ll let ya have this,” the mauve pony pulled out a bulky black and dark blue leather jacket with blue heavy twill leggings. It wasn’t much, but it was already looking better than what Iridescence had on. I took it.

We left with Iridescence having some wind and bullet resistant barding, and I had a free addition to Octavia’s Wrath. It was only two, so the next thing I wanted to do was visit the clinic. Just a skip hop and a jump away. Literally. After knocking on the door, I got a quaint, “was that you making Tulip laugh?” I nodded and he smiled, letting us in, “Celestia help that girl. She’s never happy,” the white maned unicorn turned around, his voice old and weary. The stereotypical old doctor in a small town. It was exactly how my books had described it would be.

The doctor continued, “well, this is my, er, clinic. If you can call it that. I take it you’re here because you need fixin’ up, right? O’ course you do. Youngin’s are always gettin’ shot at. Well then, turn your head and cough,” I turned around, shocked, and the old stallion sniggered at his own joke, “heh, you ponies are what’s after me, huh? Can’t even take a joke,” I was about to protest, but was promptly cut off by the doctor’s rambling, “but seriously, call me Shrapnel, and lemme see what’s wrong with ya,” he rubbed his hooves together. He didn’t have a stove in the room, so it was a bit cold. The window showed the same intricate, white patterns the restaurant I’d slept in the other night had had. The wooden floorboards creaked under hoof, and it smelled just like healing potions.

He made me take off my coat, and Iridescence let him know that she still had a bullet lodged in her leg, “so, actually, I just came here to familiarize myself with everypony, and you were next on my list of ponies I wanted to meet,” I clarified.

My companion butted in, “yeah, and I came here to get this thing out of me!” Shrapnel stopped examining me and pulled up Iridescence’ legging.

“Well that’s very nice of you to say, Doctor. My, it’s strange calling someone else Doctor. Oh, and yes, I know who you are. I figured that was you the minute you knocked on my door. I listen to the DJ’s radio show every night and morning, and you were on. He never mentions the Pony Feathers Region. Maybe you understand, now, why I paid so much attention to your part of the broadcast. Maybe not. Maybe I’m just talkin’ so it doesn’t make sense to no one,” he stopped when he found the lead, enclosed just below my partner’s knee cap, “darn, filly, aren’t you lucky!” he said with a whistle, “just an inch higher and you wouldn’t be walkin’ anymore!” I’ll have that out in a second. He took out some Med-X, jabbed it in her leg with an ‘eep’ and pulled out a scalpel and tweezers. She looked away.

“Do you think you could tell me a bit about yourself?” I inquired.

“You bet I can. For days at a time,” Shrapnel chuckled and turned to the task at hand, “I came from a stable, too. You’re from 34, I’m from 12. I don’t even remember where that is anymore. Either of ‘em. I explored for a time, of course, just as you are now. I found myself patching my friends up more times than I could shake a police baton at. Eventually, we found ourselves in Crescent Moon Canyon. We encountered changelings. I don’t remember much after that. My most recent memory of that was waking up on a bed in this very room, almost three decades ago, friends dead or lost or captured by the damned things. No note, no nothin’. I did what came naturally after that, fixin’ up other ponies. If I had two caps for every pony I’ve treated over the last thirty years, I’d be one of the richest in the wasteland. That being said, this is free. First time’s on the house,”

“Sounds like a repressed memory,” I thought aloud, Iridescence fighting back tears while sitting on a checkup table.

“Maybe so, but I don’t know if I ever want to know about it again. I’ve learned to accept what happened. I don’t need to relive it. I don’t have nightmares or anything, and even if my friends were alive, I’ve probably outlasted them by now. If you could find ‘em though... or even just their corpse, that’d be swell,” he concluded. He wrapped some bandages around the pink pony’s leg and moved on to me. While he poked and prodded me, there was a long silence.

“Do you um, have anything that needs done in this town?” I felt like I should be doing something.

“I saw you fix the signs. Those things were bothering me, too. Thank ya kindly fer that. But if nothin’ else, we do have that schoolhouse on the edge o’ town that needs to be cleaned out. Got some pests n’ things that like to make themselves a nice li’l home there. Be careful, though,” Shrapnel warned, “they have a nasty bite.”

Shrapnel sounded facetious to me. Iridescence, on the other hoof, took heed and turned to me, her eyes telling me not to go there. At least, not with her. It was broad daylight, I wanted to do something while waiting for tomorrow’s escapade. Three days out, and I’d already accomplished more now than I ever had before! I’d even gotten used to the looming sky. My fear of falling upward was brief, and would no longer pose an issue to my psyche. My pink compatriot didn’t seem so used to being outside yet. I loved it out here. Even if it did get boring sometimes.

“Oh,” Shrapnel stopped us, “the next one’s not on the house. I’m happy ta help, but I need to make a livin’, and the way I hear your bags jinglin’, you just made a lot of money. I’m just sayin’,” he turned around and let us go on our way. Ponies up here were awfully strange like that.

^^^***^^^

From where we were, at the top of a hill on the westernmost side of Sunset, one could still see all the other buildings, but that didn’t mean one did not feel distant from everypony else. While helping Cauliflower and all the others from 34 was my top priority, I wouldn’t bother walking all the way back without both an escort party, and the knowledge that they would be welcome on this convenient little town. (It’s a rare day when everything is practically handed to me. Oh yes, being one of the most influential figures in the stable was so difficult.) The foreseeable outcome was favourable and it had happened so much more quickly than I thought it would! Living out here was easy. You’ve been out here for three days...

The schoolhouse had been a place that gave me the impression it was too broken down inside for me to give a damn. The door was wind-torn and had cracks running all over it. I found it hard to believe it was still holding up. 200 years hadn’t had near the effect I thought it would on these pony-made constructions. The brown, plank siding was in a state of severe disrepair. The only organisms that might bother living in there would not, most assuredly, by ponies.

Just as I had made these observations, my comrade looking apprehensively from behind me, about a dozen red bars sprung to life on my E.F.S. I swivelled my head until I saw them. Little insects crawling out from holes in the foundation. Make that big insects. A bit bigger than the radroaches we’d crushed earlier. Green things that looked as though they were praying. I’d read about these somewhere...

“Look at those!” I exclaimed, “what in Equestria?” the question was rhetorical, but I was reasonably interested in what they mutated from. The name was on the tip of my tongue. At the sound of my voice, however, they started making a beeline toward us, “Um, shoot?” I wasn’t sure if using ammo was worth it.

We opened fire, each of the green bugs scuttling across the wasteland floor in our direction only fifteen or so ponies away. They weren’t terribly fast, and didn’t have any outstandingly outlandish movement patterns. One shot each was all it took to get rid of them for me. Iridescence would take two or three shots, crippling their extremities first before hitting anything vital. Each shot tearing through them. It was nice to watch (a little twisted of me, I’ll admit), but I liked my little energy weapon. It felt... clean.

But I digress: by the time we had finished off all of the insects, Iridescence was down to her last six clips. I made a mental note to get her more after we were done with this. There were definitely more of the little Nightmare Moons in there for me to get at. While Iridescence hesitated at every step, I hopped on up there and shoved the door open with all my strength (not that much, I soon found out).

Not too much in there. It was about as destroyed on the inside as it looked outside. There were lockers, desks, school supplies in the form of dust, a safe behind the teacher’s terminal, and, oh yeah. Lots of those little fuckers. About 30 little red beacons showed up on my E.F.S. I wish I’d thought of sneaking in there, now.

“Um,” I wasn’t sure what I could say, “ponyfeathers,” I would rue the day I decided to come out here. Within seconds, green praying bugs were all on me at once. My partner hadn’t come in yet, so she was safe. But I wasn’t. It turned out that their claws were Luna-damned sharp! They tore some fair sized gashes in my lab coat and skin.

I bucked and yelped, but it didn’t do anything but fling a few off here and there. They were cutting up my legs and coat somethin’ fierce, and Iridescence couldn’t do anything but watch, afraid she’d shoot me. (I’d seen her shoot a raider accurately from a hundred feet, why couldn’t she hit these things from ten?) There were on my sides, and crawling all over me. It was going to be too much for me to ignore in a few seconds. I thrashed about until I got an idea.

I’m not very intelligent when I need to be. I forget I have a horn sometimes; I never really used magic for anything other than menial tasks. I used my telekinesis to make them all weightless. I then proceeded to fling them across the room until they gained momentum and let go. A wonderful, satisfying splat resounded throughout the room. I could have my moments of genius.

The second that ordeal was over with, I trotted contentedly into the heart of the room, nary an E.F.S. marker to be seen. Upon further inspection, somepony had drug a duffle bag to one end of the room. 9mm, 10mm, and 12.7mm (what?) bullets and casings were abundant, as well as scraps of old clothes. My pipbuck did an excellent job of cataloguing all of them. I took all the bullets back to my off-pink friend waiting at the door, considering I wasn’t going to be using them any time soon, and there were enough 10mm bullets to last a long time. I didn’t even bother checking how many there were; hoof-full upon hoof-full of each type was all I needed to know.

I motioned for Iridescence to come in, the safe beckoned. The typeface was still glowing, power still remained in the computer as well. It appeared that both were running on their backup spell matrixes. The floor creaked and groaned, wind whipping the sides of the house. Iridescence tried and tried to open the locked container. (It was a safe, I didn’t even bother just trying to open it.) She broke three bobby pins before grunting in disappointment. I had been watching her all the while, ignoring the tears in my flesh.

The computer had been locked as well, but in the time it took my companion to give up, I figured out that I could try my hoof at cracking the code. I had never been terrible at getting into my father’s when I wanted to change schedules for a laugh or two, so why not a teacher’s terminal?

Iridescence watched me over my shoulder. Like the annoying little sister you never had. (Could have had, had the previous overmare not put rules into place against that, but what could you do?) I picked out the duds in the program. The password was only five characters long, and after I was done finding the fakes with the help of my pipbuck, there were only eight words to choose from. I studied each word carefully. Teach. There was a soft log-in sound and I was brought to the main menu.

There were three selections I could make: ‘safe status’, ‘safe lock’, and ‘grades.’ I didn’t know what it was, but something got me to look at the grades first. “Old World Blues,” Cauliflower had warned. Too bad for her, I wanted to see this. Iridescence groaned in disgruntlement.

Somepony in particular named Floret had a note by her name, which I took the time to read aloud, “She’s managed to disrupt the class at every chance she gets! I don’t get paid enough for this, HONESTLY! Yesterday, she brought her Luna-damned robot toy for the fillies and colts to ride, which is all fine and dandy until she demands to bring it in the classroom while it rains! It was such a distraction to the class. Really, I don’t give two bucks if her family is rich and everything, she needs to learn how to work in a classroom setting. She’s barely passing her classes!”

Math– D
Equestrian– D
Writing– B
History– D
Arcane Science– C

“Why do you even bother with that stuff, anyway?” my mock-sister asked, “it’s not yours to know about, and it’s completely pointless to learn about a dead pony,” while she may have had a point, I had a right– or rather, lack of any law– telling me that I couldn’t look at dead ponies’ things. I backed out and checked “safe status.”

“OPEN” flashed on the screen in the upper left-hoof corner. I glanced backward toward the safe mounted on the wall. I reached my magic out and pulled the handle up. Click. It popped open, “oh, of-fucking-course!” I thundered. Iridescence facehoofed and I looked inside. Toy chariots, a dusty sparkle cola, a rusty key: now useless. Old magazines, a dead black thing that must have been an apple at one point. One of the magazines was something called Wingboner. I ignored it. Iridescence took it. I looked the other way while she flipped through the pages, a few sticking so that she had to work to pry them apart. Disgusting. I took the key and cola. I have no idea why I took the key. A momento of sorts, possibly.

I didn’t know what was in the magazine the perverted filly that was my companion picked up had in it, but something told me it was mostly mares. I could have been wrong, and I didn’t ask questions. The lockers would either open right up, or would stick so that no matter how much you tried, it wouldn’t budge. Mostly the latter. Inside were decomposing notebooks and school supplies, and a stray jacket or two. A medical box on a counter next to a dead computer with a few empty (but sterile) syringes, a healing potion, and some water that, when near my pipbucked clicked slowly. I took the syringes and drank the healing potion. My wounds closed up, but my barding sure didn’t. I was pretty sure the lead lining could have stopped a low calibre bullet, but the bug’s pincers were most likely sharp enough to rip a hole in a thin sheet of metal.

All-in-all, my experiences of the wasteland in the last several days had been painful. Mostly physically, but they were nonetheless painful. “Let’s go talk to Shrapnel, how ‘bout?” I asked Iridescence. I wanted to let him know that I got this done so that nopony had to worry about this place any more. Then I wanted to talk with the pegasus I saw in the window of the meeting hub.

“Mmmokay,” she contemplated, “I wanna go talk to the ponies in the bar. They had some pretty funny conversations going on in there!” Her comment was a bit strange, but I shrugged and went along with it. The wind had picked back up, and dirt was beginning to blot out the light what remained from the sun. My pipbuck said it was late afternoon, but I felt it was closer to evening.

After walking just a ways into town, we saw ponies walking out of the bar with masks on. The first pony we came to, I asked why he was wearing it. “To keep the dust outa my lungs! You’d best get one, yerself, or head back home,” Why hadn’t anypony told me about this? We ran back to Tulip’s shop. Upon entering, she was wearing an apologetic, sheepish grin.

“I er, uh,” she faltered, “I kinda forgot ta,” the mare couldn’t seem to finish her sentence.

“Give us some masks?” I finished.

“Yeah. Um, one second I know I have some here, somewhere,” she bustled around in the back. Her room, that detail caught my attention for the second time today. She emerged with two of them in her mouth, dangling from straps that were designed to go around one’s head, “these are free. I don’t know what n’ Equestria I was thinkin’ when I let you run off without ‘em. I’m so sorry,” she blushed a crimson red. It looked cute on her.

“Don’t mention it. Everypony makes mistakes, even me, as perfect as I am,” I rolled my eyes. Tulip giggled as we left the shop.

Iridescence and I slipped the masks around our head. A little blocky, maybe, but the air felt more breathable. Something I hadn’t paid much attention while I was out here. “Would you not flirt with old mares like that. At least not in front of me?” the pink pony beside me glared through the metal device covering most of her face.

I didn’t think I was flirting with her. Though this made two ponies saying the same thing, now. I didn’t defend myself, my thoughts too conflicting and confusing to make a rebuttal. I stared ahead and walked through the storm in the direction of the doctor’s house.

I knocked twice and he let me in, closing the door behind me as quickly as he could, careful not to let much sand blow in. “Howdy!” He greeted us. One look at my lab barding and he raised an eyebrow, “you didn’t, y’know, get clawed half to death out there, didja? I told you ta be careful,” if I had been alive to see my grandfather, I hoped he was something like this– voice simultaneously old and frivolous.

“No, no, he just got sliced up by an army of bugs,” Iridescence chided in annoyed reassurance. I had never seen such an odd combination of emotions, “it’s clear now, though. Nothing left but an old house. Just... took care of everything for you.”

Shrapnel was starting to give her nettled looks, “woah, woah, woah. Easy, I don’t hold any resentment toward anypony because of what happened. The whole ordeal could’ve been avoided with more planning. I don’t plan, you’ll have to forgive me,” I gave my best apologetic smile.

“I don’t take any offence, though I’d say what your friend said is a bit rude. You should make sure she doesn’t bring that attitude with her elsewhere, it could get her shot,” he had sincere concern in his voice. I worried he was right.

“We’ll make sure to keep that in mind, thank you very much!” I don’t think I could have thanked him enough, “I’ll make sure not to be so stupid in the future! Goodbye,” out meeting was brief, but I wanted to talk with the feathered pony before nightfall. The wind was keeping up its incessant howls and constant barrage against the windows.

We trotted out to the bar in the centre of the town. The curtains had been drawn. We’d had those in 34, but they served little purpose– there was a camera in every room. The door slammed opened with a gust of air, letting everypony know we were there before I could introduce myself. They looked up at us, then went back to their business.

Iridescence shyed away from most of the ponies. She stood in the corner near the door while I sought out the winged pony I’d seen earlier. It wasn’t hard to find her. The window was dirty.

I saw her mane, a creamy orange, streaking down into white toward the end. Facing away from me at a booth, mug of white something or other in a bottle. Only her head was visible when approaching her, leaned over her table. She looked half-asleep. Everypony else ignored me while I stood behind this pony, not completely sure how to make her aware of my presence. I edged my way closer until I saw that were wings were deformed. She’d been in a fight or something– they appeared to be half burned, half melted off, but intact enough to maybe lift off from the ground.

I reached out to tap her shoulder– battle-worn, but feminine. I was stopped by another strangely mustached stallion, “don’t bother her, she’s been through enough. She’s experienced more in her lifetimes than anyone else could ever imagine,” wait, lifetimes...

“Lifetime–zuh?” What did he mean? It took me by surprise (things were doing that a lot, lately,) that he said it so clearly and calmly.

The black and orange earth pony answered, “yes, plural. She’s a ghoul, don’t scream when you see ‘er face,” he chuckled to himself and his friends at the table, “but I’ll bet he will anyway,” I ignored him, now curious about his description of the mare before me.

When she started to turn before I even touched her, it startled me. I jumped, however, when I saw her face. She wore a frown, though her eyes showed no sadness, just boredom and experience... those milky, white eyes, “OH–hiii there!” The stallion that had just warned me laughed obnoxiously from his side of the room.

“Evening. You’re the first pony to show up here fresh and new, see my face, and not run in a while. You jumped, but everyone does that,” there was a brief pause, “it is evening, isn’t it?” I showed her my pipbuck to confirm that it was, indeed, just starting to become ‘evening,’ “huh, I’ve slept another day away, oh, well. That’s fine.” Her voice was gruff, but young.

“You, uhhh– you’re...” I started,

“Beautiful? Yes, yes I am,” her dry, deeply scarred and melted face curved upward in something like a smile.

“Hmm. I agree: I think that, at the very least, you possess a great deal of inner beauty,” I nickered as she nodded in vague agreement, “you seem to be wise, but you look very young, would I be correct?” I won’t lie, I was kind of bullshitting my way into her trust.

I slid into the seat across from her; the sun was now sinking below the horizon, creating a beautiful pastel purple haze. I was already getting used to her appearance. It wasn’t as though there had never been accidents in 34. Especially when I was on duty, “don’t let my charm and good looks fool you, I’m older than you think,” she laughed. Iridescence started edging her way toward us, “If you really wanna know, I’ve been around since before you were born.” An idea was beginning to form in my head about who this pony really was.

“Have you been in any bad fights?” I asked, “I don’t mean to sound rude, or brash, but you look the part of a war-torn corpse from one of my textbooks,” I didn’t think she’d take offense, and she didn’t.

Iridescence slid past me and sat to my left in the booth while the milky orange pegasus was busy laughing, “yeah, a few,” she wiped a speck of dust from her eye as though it were a tear, “see this?” she pointed to her face, “I got this one while there was a war goin’ on!” Another war since the one that shoved everypony underground?

“There was a war recently?” The dirty-pink pony next to me watched intensively while I spoke, others in the bar had turned to see as well, “I thought we would have worn ourselves out after the last one, I wish I had a notebook and pencil right about now!” the thought of learning about the post-history of Equestria was so very appealing at that moment.

“If by recently, you mean in terms of the creation of a planet, then yes. But I suspect you mean in the last few decades. No. I don’t think you quite grasp how old I really am. I want you to guess. 3 times. That’s your limit,” she crossed her arms and smirked, her dry lips flaking as they rubbed against one another.

“Thirty?”

“Nope.”

“Fifty?”

“Uh-uh.”

“Seventy? There’s no way you’re older than that!”

She sighed, “all right, all right,” she rubbed her chin with her hoof, “multiply your first guess by 7 and you’re dead on,” my heart almost stopped.

“YOU’RE TWO-HUNDRED AND TEN YEARS OLD?!” everyone in the building had stopped talking and looked right at me. Iridescence hid her face with her hooves, as if to say that she wasn’t there, wasn’t with me.

She snickered and went on ahead as though it were normal, “and don’chew forget it!” when she was done having fun making me feel awkward she yelled to the owner, “get us some absinthe! Ahm runnin’ low, and my friends here need it to calm down a touch. And don’t forget the sugar!”

The bartender floated out three cups, a bottle with some strange, blackish fluid in it, and a bowl of white grainy something. ‘Sugar in the bowl, the absinthe stuff in the bottle,’ I gathered from looking at our new friend’s drink. Were we friends?

“You see this?” she brought out a spoon with holes in it, “you put the sugar in the spoon– you do know what sugar is, don’t you?” I nodded and Iridescence followed my lead, “mkay, good. Don’t eat it, though. Then pour this,” she lifted up the bottle with her wing. Her wing. Her. Wing. I had never even thought that was possible! She stopped and stared at the stupid look that I was wearing and continued pouring over the sugar into her new cup, “into your glass. It’s alcoholic, but it sure tastes better than that pisswater beer or that painful whiskey,” she stopped when it was three fourths full and drank half of it down, “and what are you staring at?” she looked to me, everypony else having gone back to their conversations.

“Um, nothing. Nothing. Just ignore me. I’m just being stupid. I do that a lot,” I tried convincing her.

“Not still staring at my face, are you?” her inquiries were becoming more straightforward.

“No. It’s, uh, well. I’ve just never seen a wing used like that. I’ve seen a pegasus before, using your wing as an appendage is just something new to me, is all.”

“Oh, that’s alright then. I s’pose I should’ve known, okay then.” she looked back to her mug and threw back her head, the white liquid going down her throat. When she put it back down, she started to refill her glass, “I don’t haffta eat or drink, but it’s nice to taste something every once in awhile. Trivia for the day, I guess,” she went back to her task and I turned to Iridescence, pouring her second glass of the sweet-smelling nightcap.

I turned to the owner and asked why she got a new glass so that . I was accustomed to recycling things as much as possible, “i’s Sunrise, she alwaysh gesh a new glash. She dezerves i’– helt huild ziss hlace!” he replied enthusiastically while scrubbing plates. So her name was Sunrise.

I let flow the last bit of the absinthe through a pile of sugar into my cup as the sky completely darkened, save for a murky white ball in the sky. We sat in relative silence for a while, downing mug after mug of absinthe. It was the first time I’d ever had alcohol. It tasted like candy.

^^^***^^^

Iridescence lay passed out in the booth, and I was swaying side to side. Sunrise was still perfectly fine though. Most of the customers had left already. It was just us and one or two more, and I couldn’t have felt more at home. A warm feeling had spread through my body somewhere after the third serving. I knew exactly why this Sunrise pegasus would like it so much.

Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, Tock. A clock had been ticking away somewhere in the room without my noticing until now. Sapphire shores was singing about something or other that was once, long ago, sad and relatable to many stallions and mares. I sighed and looked to the sky. Pitch-black now. The lights from the mayor’s and doctor’s still running. I had one last question for the sugared absinthe and morning coloured mare.

“Any reason yer name so accurately c’ntras’s that of the town’s? Is zat a coincide-ence er what?” Sunrise looked at me and addressed me sternly,

“I do not have anything to do with this town’s history, other than building a few houses here and there. Do not associate me with this place.” I chuckled and agreed to never speak of it again.

I dragged Iridescence behind me through the storm, back to Doc Shrapnel’s place. I sat Iridescence down next to me and put the blanket over both of us, the fire going out. I blinked once, and I was out.

The rest of that night had been, and always will be, a blur.

^^^***^^^

When I awoke, the sun wasn’t even up. I hadn’t been out a week, and already I was turning into an alcoholic; my head was pounding, my mouth was dry, and I felt like I was going to throw up. I rubbed my eyes and cantered off to the bathroom before emptying my stomach. Taking off the mask and relieving myself, I found that the toilet didn’t work. Shit. The absinthe tasted far worse than it did going down. I could stand some more.

I sat down hard on the floor in front of the furnace, and the doctor came down to greet me, “Ah hope yer up t’ do this. Heard you were partyin’ with Sunrise ‘till about midnight, last night. Props for gettin’ in with her, but gettin’ in a drinkin’ contest probably wasn’t for the best,” he frowned down at me, “I’ll give you a li’l somethin’ for yer headache, anyway,” he trotted back to his room for a second. I felt like I’d swallowed the moon after I’d crushed it into glass shards.

When Shrapnel emerged, he was carrying a tin in his mouth. Fixer. How nice. The label said everything I needed, and I took it from him, opened the tin, and ingested two tablets without reading the instructions. I knew how much I was supposed to take, anyway. My headache and liver pains were gone almost immediately. I thought I might even be able to eat something, “how does paste and orange juice sound thi’smornin’?” Suddenly, I wasn’t in the mood to eat anymore, “I got it from Tulip last night just as she was closin’. ‘specialty item of the night,’ she said. I got first pick! Hay an’ daisy flavour!” the only two flavours we had in 34.

I shook my head and instead took out a box of dandy buck apples from my bags. These would do just fine. Finishing off our breakfasts, we woke up Iridescence. 06:40. She woke with a start and rushed off toward the bathroom until I stopped her, “the toilet doesn’t work,” Shrapnels eyes showed concern as to how I know that. She changed direction and ran outside and stayed there for five long minutes. We gave her a tablet and she perked up.

When I presented to her her very own box of apples, she was beyond even the word ecstatic. While demolishing her box, I stared blankly across the room.

“Don’t drink fer a while. I think y’ave alcohol poisoning,” no fucking way. I had no idea. Thanks for the update. “And fixer doesn’t get rid of your illnesses, it just makes your symptoms go away for a while so you can focus,” that was news to me. Most likely because I’d never had to give it to somepony before. I just knew it made you feel better, “better take that with ya, just in case,” he winked and led us upstairs. On the way up, while my hooves came up, I saw that somepony had fixed my barding. I didn’t know who, when, or how, but I was thankful it was done, “I’d like to give you a test. Just ta see if yer still all there in the head. I’m just gonna warn you now that I don’t have anything to go off of, so. Yeah,” he sat down in an old, red chair, and let my partner and I sit on the couch adjacent of him.

“So what do we do, now?” I asked, ready to do this before we had to go.

“I’ll make it quick: do you know what your cutie mark means? You don’t have to tell me, A simple yes or no will suffice,” he spoke without his typical slur and accent.

“Yes.”

“Okay, now I’m going to say a word. I want you to say the first thing that comes to mind. One word, please,” I nodded in response, “hell hound.” my responses came quickly– no hesitation.

“Hide,” They killed everypony else in 34, so of course!

“House.”

“Target.” At this point, I had to acknowledge that I was sort of a dark individual.

“Night.”

“Sleep,” duh!

“Bandit.”

“Reasonable,” Why not?

“Light.”

“Beam,” flashlight?

“Mother.”

“Caretaker.” My answer actually would have ended with ‘and overmare,’ but he asked for one word.

“That’s all I wanna ask you about fer now. I just wanted to make sure you weren’t completely nuts. You’re good. At least for now, wasteland does a lot to ponies’ minds,” Doc Shrapnel was an interesting pony, “I have a feel fer who y’are now. That’s good,” I hmmed, “Your friend looks too young to do a psychological evaluation on. No ‘fense dear,” she shrugged and hopped off the couch, “looks like ya just got yer cutie mark.”

It was time to roll.

^^^***^^^

It was seven o’ clock when we got there: where the road started to stretch out of town, the only other (marked) way in besides the path I took. There wasn’t any wind anymore, but it was freezing! The sun was well over the horizon, but the sky wasn’t grey-green yet. I yearned for a thermometer or something to tell me the temperature. I just wanted to document everything!

I felt kind of ridiculous, standing out there in a labcoat and adventurer’s hat. Maybe that would be my gimmick. We sat still, looking out across the road, waiting for the caravan to come. All was quiet, and I had little to do but think to myself. I was a long way from home, but it didn’t feel like it. Was 34 really my home? Or was it just some form of shelter I’d been told was my home? The bar felt more like my home than 34 ever did. I gazed into space, considering which I’d rather call my asylum.

I’d made up my mind. This new world. This would be my home now. Everywhere. It was like one big stable without boundaries, without corridors you could trace up and down ten times and not waste a day. I felt at peace. I would, in all likelihood, die here. At home. Such a strange word: so many meanings.

Just a little early: 07:14. The traders could be seen coming around a bend. There was a low cliff off to their right, the way they were coming in, but nowhere else to hide. I wasn’t sure how anypony could attack them and get away with their stuff. But there was the evidence: tin cans, broken bottles, barrels full of melted holes. I gulped down two more Fixers as my headache started to creep back.

The radio didn’t have anything on at the moment, flipping back and forth between channels did little to ease my ennui. The... what the hay was that thing? A two-headed... cow? But the skin looked raw from where I was. A mutation caused by decades of sped-up evolution by radiation, maybe. There were three ponies in the group, all headed our way. It taking ‘em a while, but they were a-comin’.

Any minute now. 07:19, 07:20, 07:21. They were just a couple hundred yards away. Iridesence was clicking her tongue, Law was sitting, humming to himself. We hadn’t slept at his house like he’d said we could, but something told me I’d rearranged our modus vivendi, even if I didn’t remember it.

I was staring at the ground so hard I half expected it to start shrinking away from my hooves when it happened. Not more than one stable soccer field away, ponies rushed in from a hole in the cliff in a line. Despite the small size of their group, they still looked tough. Like, Tunnel Hydras tough. (Goddess, I hated them!)

Law sprung into action and whipped out his pistol, firing off a rapid succession of flying, hot lead. It was louder than I remembered a gun could be! I jumped at the first, and cringed at the other shots. Iridesence had run behind me. The bandits started shooting the convoy.

Pulling out Octavia’s Wrath, I targeted two of the six shooting. I wasn’t happy with my low chance of hitting their body parts. I came back out and aimed manually. Zth, zzt, zzt. One was rolling in pain, his neck scorched black with the two hits that landed. Before I knew it, Law had begun approaching them, steadily putting bullets and dents in the barding of the remaining raiders. (Still a strange word.)

The caravan was still coming, running, dodging the red beams flying everywhere, lighting up the ground and other ponies. It looked surreal. Almost peaceful. As I was moving, and idea came to mind, and I tuned into the DJ’s station. –Though I did enjoy his constant barrage of jazz, it was beginning to get on my nerves, listening to the same two dozen songs. Taking even more time, I changed around the channels until it stopped on one strange broadcast. It was literally labeled “mysterious broadcast,” there was soft, upright bass-heavy music, accompanied by muted piano. I stayed there.

Getting back to the matter at hand, I brought OW back to attention and jogged to Law, already more than halfway to our adversaries. They had mostly started shooting at us. Iridescence was nowhere to be found. Great. The energy weapons our enemies used were in a state of disrepair, and when they had my coat, did little more than leave them blackened. They burned a little, but not enough to bother me.

Nearly every shot I fired made contact. Not all of them hurt them, but most certainly made them aware they were not invincible. Screams could be heard. Not from Law, myself, or the not-to-be-seen Iridescence, but from the attackers. Not war cries, either. I almost smiled at this pleasant turn of events. In just minutes, four of the six were down. The last two were a scrawny tan buck, skull worn over his head, and a big, old mare.
They had backed into the cliff face they had rushed out of– whatever door had been there was now shut, and they couldn’t seem to get it open. They were still firing at us, backs against the wall without any fear in their eyes. It seemed to me as though they were ready to die. Forfeit they thought their lives, so forfeit they were, was how I thought. Then Iridescence showed up. Directly above them, to be exact.

Her face poked over the cliff edge, then she floated her 10mm, right above them. Two shots and the ensuing echo of shattering bone later, there were a total of six dead ponies in the general area. The caravan was unscathed, Law was covered in burns, but put up with it fairly well. Suddenly, what had seemed like a little dull pain turned into a searing, white hot agony that resurfaced every time I moved.

I wasn’t sure if it was the adrenaline or just delayed senses, but I wished I’d known it had hurt that much before! I called out, trying to get anypony’s attention. I couldn’t let myself fall down. I couldn’t get myself to move forward. Or backward. Both of them ran back to me. Law dug through his saddlebags until he found two healing potions. One for him, one for me. I tossed the bottle as soon as the last dribble went down my throat, the burns slowly dissipating.

“Sooo,” Iridescence began, “why is it you’ve gotten yourself hurt out here so much more than me?” my eye twitched as the answer came quickly to mind.

“I’ll bet it has something to do with the fact that I’m always the one having to do everything,” I didn’t want to sound too mean, but I did want her to get the picture.

“Oh,” it barely escaped her lips and we were off again. I continued toward the corpses of the fiends. When we got closer, though, the one I’d shot in the neck earlier pulled out a metal apple-looking thing, “Rong riff uhf Fiends!” I had no idea what he meant. I did, however, gather that his group was appropriately named the FIends.

The Fiend earth pony screamed at the top of his lungs, Law backing up. Again, I was totally confused by what was happening. Then again, I was always confused by what was happening around me. THe earth pony pulled something out the apple. A pin?

“Oh, goddess damn it!” Law was freaking out, turning on his hooves and galloping away. I was absolutely baffled by what was taking place. Iridescence was paying pretty close attention and backed away from her point on the cliff. And I stood there. Just a few feet from the brown Fiend with a shiny, chrome apple in his mouth, “Git, you ijot!” I think he was shouting to me when it happened.

^^^***^^^

There was an indescribable blackness. I couldn’t put a hoof on where I was or what was happening. I’m dead, I thought. Funny, I’d always pictured myself as having some epic epiphany explained to me upon my departure. Having the universe unfold before me. Knowledge to course through me. To become omnipotent. But there was just nothingness. I can’t say I was either happy or displeased with what had transpired.

There was no outro via narration and slideshow. It was just me alone with my thoughts to unlock everything myself. Or, that was what I believed. It could very well have been an indefinite slumber from which I could have been awakened by somepony else.

Uncertainty was the very essence of my conscious self. I could have been water, shapeless and without finition. At a loss for words, I calmly waited for whatever was to happen next. Be it an hour later, or a hundred years.

It would be difficult to say of I was going to be able to be patient enough to sit through it all. I was getting anxious.

^^^***^^^

I awoke to something cool and wet on my face. A rag, a dish towel, cloth, words ran through my head at a pace I couldn’t keep up with. It was still dark, but that was because my eyes were closed. I could hear somepony pacing around the room. Deep breathing, as though they were sleeping.

I cracked open my right eye. It was still dark. Less so than it was with both eyes closed, but still dark enough that only the contours and outlines of things were visible. Yes, there was somepony pacing, I could see that, and yes, there was somepony sleeping. I had, however, neglected the fact that that pony was in the same bed.

It felt something like being asleep for a long time, but still being tired, but you can’t get yourself to go back to sleep anyway. The other eye slowly edged its way open. I blinked and inhaled. Aside from the clack clack of hooves on wood, it was quiet. Somepony had turned off my radio.

Before I know what I was doing, I fumbled around the switches until a soft piano song could be heard all around the room. The pacing stopped, “so you’re awake!” a familiar, hushed voice cried excitedly, “you’re alive! You’re stupid, but you’re alive!” the voice cracked occasionally, sounding a little like a filly’s. It was Tulip, “do you have any idea how much money you’ve made me?” yep. Now I was sure it was Tulip.

Keeping with the set precedence of being quiet, I started up a conversation, “A lot, right?” my voice rasped, “could I get some water?” A glass was immediately set before me, “thanks,” my pipbuck clicked as I ingested it, but it didn’t taste bad. No face melting, here. I was too thirsty to give a damn anyway, “so I take it I’m not dead?”

She giggled and muttered, “no, we thought you wouldn’t wake up, but you aren’t dead. Doc gotcha all patched up, am I right?” come to think of it, I didn’t feel much worse than sore in places, and nodded in the darkness, “you took a grenade to the uh, well, torso and face! Doc was up all day an’ night tryin’ ta fix you up, I wasn’t there on account o’ selling yer food you brought in, but I hear tell you had yer stomach open an’ everythin’. You just passed out. A lot thought you were already dead,” I nodded again, though I don’t think she could see me, “yer friend was screamin’ all night, ‘he ain’t dead, he ain’t dead!’ I could hear that, at least. Doc used all his cosmetic stuff on you in one go. Thousands o’ caps worth, told me to let you know that if you woke up, you didn’t haff ta pay. He said somethin’ like, ‘it’s been in my back room for twenty years. We don’t live in the Hoof, and we ain’t Friendship city. Better I used it on him than anypony runnin’ from the law.” she paused for a minute before adding, “if anything, you look even better than you did before!” Brilliant.

“How different do I look?” I asked. I hoped it wasn’t too bad. I liked my face.

“Check for yerself, if you can, why not?” she walked around a corner and I heard something click. A light showed through the doorway, inviting me to stand and walk to wherever it was. Wearily, I lifted myself out of bed and wobbled to the room where the light came from a little lamp set on a sink counter. I was in an unfamiliar house, but it was comfortable, “oh, and for your troubles, I gave ya a few chems. Juuust in case,” he winked. I shivered. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see just what the doctor prescribed. I had a feeling it’d have to do with my member.

The mirror was cracked, but that didn’t stop me from checking all the new little... microscopic... I looked no different. If Tulip wasn’t exaggerating, then Shrapnel was an amazing doctor! Speaking of Tulip, she had been standing in the doorway, giving me a really disturbing smile, “what? What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Oh, um,” I was starting to get tired of ponies stuttering, including myself, recalling every time somepony had spoken in the last few days, “you and that other filly aren’t, like, a thing are you?” I was also getting really tired of that question really quickly.

“I know how she acts. I know how it must seem,” I rolled my eyes up into my head, thinking of some way to not make it seem weird, “she’s nice company and all. It is nice to have her around: she’s proven to be rather useful and resourceful in the last few days. I’ve grown to know a lot about her, but no. She’s not my type,” I stopped to think about what I’d said, “She’s just too energetic and... young. Kinda like a sister, actually.” I needed to watch what I said. It was going to lead to one disturbingly awkward scene eventually.

“Oh. Good,” good? What was that supposed to mean? Ideas were forming, but I didn’t allow them to be continue to exist. I would just have to wonder about that later.

The lamp was cracked and oil was slowly leaking out and pooling around the bottom. The walls and ceiling, beige and white, were soothing in their own way. I looked around the room. The only way out was through Tulip, and she wasn’t moving. Sometimes... I coughed, “excuse me. It’s two in the morning, and I’d like to sleep a little bit longer, if that’s okay. Tulip jumped and moved out of the way, blushing. I didn’t understand anything, it seemed.

As I walked through the other rooms to my bed, I saw that the curtains were drawn, the furnace was burning warmly, and that it was modestly furnished. A place for a fire looked to be a given in this part of the world. The bed was still warm. It enticed me into its nice, white and blue sheets, to curl up and rest.

^^^***^^^

It was raining. According to my pipbuck, it was 08:16 in the morning, and four days from when I was supposed to have taken out the bandits and saved the town’s water supply. All I could think, watching the water drip down the glass, seeing which droplets made it to the bottom first, was why they would ever need to trade for water when so much of it poured from the sky. There didn’t seem to be any lack of barrels. And yet, the town was “forced” to pay hefty sums of money for this not-so-anomalous anomaly. There was obviously a reason for it, but I didn’t think about it too hard or for too long.

My situation was explained to me a bit after I had woken up that day. Law had entered, startling me, and said calmly that this was my house, that it was their way of saying ‘sorry for almost killing you(!)’. The rest of the ponies from 34 were to be allowed to stay in the houses in pairs. They’d have to work to stay in Sunrise, and fix up their new homes by themselves. It wasn’t that nopony from 34 was accustomed to work- no, everypony had worked from the day they recieved their pipbucks onward. It would be having to keep the place from collapsing and doing other chores for the town to ensure that their livelihood wouldn’t be at stake.

I would be on the team to get the remaining stable members tomorrow, but they were giving me the rest of the day to feel better. My back and chest were achy, and my nose hurt from time to time, but it wasn’t that bad given the that I had survived a high explosives device to the face. Shrapnel had a difficult time getting his name’s likeness out of me, according to the mayor pony. Iridescence had been the one to drag me back. I had her to thank for not giving up and assuming that I would make it. Had it not been for her, they would have dug me a grave and buried me right there. Grenades, as they were called, usually killed ponies when they were that close.

The rest of the day, I used to lounge around and do nothing. The deep red pony that was Tulip decided to close up for the the morning and afternoon, (“it’s a holiday: The-Doctor’s-Fully-Recovered Day.”) She brought over magazines upon my request. Iridescence laid about on couches, reading over my shoulder. Tulip made dinner: more brahmin steak and some odd, big root, (“it’s good for ya! I swear!”) She acted as a cook, a cleaner, a maid of sorts. At some point, a thought popped into my head and wouldn’t leave.

I levitated my Today’s Physician down on the table beside the couch, the pink filly next to me had fallen asleep. She looked kind of cute like that. However, after the thought had decided that it wouldn’t let me concentrate on anything else, I stared off into nothing until a hoof waved in my face, “heya there bud, you okay?” Tulip had noticed my lackadaisical expression and interrupted my lack of train of thought.

A half scowl had formed on my face, “Sorta,” a direct answer seemed too embarrassing. It’s not that bad, you pussy.

“What’s that s’posed ta mean?” her reaction, words, could have been seen from a mile away. I was just being stupid now.

“Before I came out here, not that long ago really, I had this image of my life. This perfect little scene in a stable living room. A wife, a steady job, and a child. It occurred to me that this is a mock version of my inner thoughts. You’re not my wife, and this,” I pointed to Iridescence, “isn’t my foal, but do you see what I mean? I just found it overwhelming is all. I’m not dying.” I wasn’t sure if I believed what I was saying. Such a strange moment.

Tulip smiled kindly at me and tussled up my mane like she was a family friend seeing me as a colt in my father’s shadow. I would have thought she were teasing me if she wasn’t my age as well. If I had to guess, I’d say it was some kind of a come-on. Seeing what would happen, I smiled and rolled my eyes. She did the same and turned on a radio in the corner of the room. A soft, sweet melody filled the room.

Time passed with no news about the Ponyfeathers area. It turned out that where I was, was awfully close to that particular town, named for its prime financial benefactor. Or I was in relation to the only other large civilization- Tenpony Tower to the east and Salt Cube City FAR to the North. We had been in the black because of an influx in ash in the air for the last several days. At least since the incident with the grenade.

^*^

When I’d finished all of the Meeting Ponies, and Future Weapons Todays, a quaint, cheerful song came on. Tulip got up and started dancing, taking me by surprise. She yanked me up out of my spot, Iridescence still dead to the world. The sun was setting. I had no idea what I was doing and felt slightly awkward while the shop-owner earth pony lead the steps without explanation or foreword. There was no talking, just shuffling about on the floor. When it ended, I fell to the ground panting. I hadn’t moved for five days, and it was one hell of one to get me used to it.

It was followed, without warning, by Tulip, a mare I barely knew, collapsing atop me and refusing to move.

I really liked it out here.

Hoof note: Level up!
New Perk: Scoundrel: Barter +5 Speech +5
Unique dialogue with certain characters

Waltz [for] Sunrise (still in progress)

Fallout Equestria: Wasteland Shuffle

~Bebop n’ Company

Chapter 4: Waltz [for] Sunrise

“Afraid to get DIRTY?”

“So then he says, ‘Only hands can wash hands. If you want to receive, you have to give.’ Or somethin’ like that- wish I could remember the exact words.” Sunrise offered, then laughed, “so what do you make of it?”

“Somehow, I doubt Octavia would be quoting G...- Photo Finish’ brother,” I finished after forgetting what the pony’s name had been. Sunset was wise- I hoped I’d one day be like her- so sagely that I could scarce keep up with the things she said at times, her ideas coming forth one after another when she got into it. Whatever “it” was.

“Come on, it’s just a dream I had!” the orange and white mare nickered.

“And I have a feeling that dream’s going to kill me.” I ended resolutely.

I smirked and continued trotting along to our destination- just a little ways ahead.

I had spent the evening with Tulip. She had been nice, and she was fascinating when she talked- she had a lot to say. She was wise; knew her way around just about everything. She told me about the Wasteland Survival Guide; something she’d seen the cover of, blowing in the wind, but never gotten her hooves on. Personally, I thought she was good enough. SHe told me about taint: something I should avoidaltogether, changelings starting to appear in the west, and the basics of Pony Feathers- a region north west of Ponyville owned by a notorious ancient pony, naming himself after a swear. Sometimes... I didn’t know about these surface ponies. Most of what she told me, I’d already found out on my own, but I still reveled in her new perspective.

At some point, Iridescence got up and left for the bar, taling us both by surprise, seeing as she’d been so quiet and quick to listen as well. She came back moments later with two bottles of the beverage I’d come to adore, and a glass of wine for herself. She claimed she was “experimenting.” She left again, soon after/ Tulip and I were allowed to talk on into the night. She was fun: a real ‘hoot an’ a holler’ as they say. She left around midnight, just after DJ-PON3 was finished, the purplish earth pony still laughing, saying, “tick-tick-tickety means get the hell outta there!” I felt good about the next day.

^^^***^^^

Morning came, the rain still pouring. In the distance, you could almost see the sun- an orange-red disc in the sky, just beyond a curtain of clouds. Water dripped from the roof in big rivulettes, splashing against the already drenched earth. I would be joined by Iridescence, who’d spent her night at the salloon, two volunteers I hadn’t yet made the acquaintance of, and Sunrise.

When I asked Sunrise why she was going, she said, “‘Cause why not?” It was as good of an answer as any.

We started walking at 06:00 according to my pipbuck. it seemed to me that its primary use in the Stable was the primary function on the surface as well. It was a bit of a pain to get up so early. Almost didn’t want to go. Almost. I’d made a promise, though, and I was going to follow through. The mud made it difficult to make progress of any sort, but we kept going. Iridescence and I made them. We didn’t stop. Or, well, not until my hooves hurt to much to go on.

There were bloatsprites and all of that, but with as many in the party as there were, they tended to ignore us anyway, but whenever we thought it necessary, we opened fire, and in seconds, they’d disperse or die. My pipbuck gave the occasional warning so as not to be taken aback by a cheeky giant ant or raider that thought it could take us. Iridescence complained the whole way there, saying ‘she wasn’t helpful,’ and, ‘why did she have to go?’ The only thing she thought could’ve made her any use was her pipbuck... which was thoroughly smashed.

Every so often, we’d take shelter under outcropping of rocks, or beneath a cluster of dead trees, all of it seeming like it came from a science-fiction book I’d read about the colonization of another planet in our solar system. Rain coming down in buckets, sometimes so heavily that you couldn’t see your own hoof in front of your face. What could cause such a torrential downpour and not have it flood to our necks in hours? Then there were the valleys, intermittently nestled betwixt mountains, filled to their brims, leaking out from one side or more, creating rivers going nowhere across a barren landscape.

Our breath hung in the air long after exhaling- the weather only further dampening our moods. No pun intended. We’d reached the point we’d been at the early evening of our first day out when we took out the cram and xander roots. A cola for each, and we were off again. It seemed rather dull and practically routine by the time we got there.

There were things that plagued my mind and invaded every thought through the long, loud silence between us, and I’d been given time to mull them over. I took my chance. By the time we’d stopped eating, I’d already come to the conclusion that I thought of Iridescence as a sister. Ever-whining, underfoot, annoying, needy. And yet, there was something about her that made me want to love and care for her. It was possible that I’d always thought of her like that. It was unlikely, however, that Iridescence saw me as a brother. I was too quiet and scolded her too much. Or did that constitute brotherly love? She’d also been sending some mixed messages, though. I wondered what she thought of me. I knew there was a name for it, and that it was right on the tip of my goddess-damned tongue.Tulip was no different of a mystery- there was yet to be a word in my vocabulary that I would be comfortable using to describe her. Yet. Sunrise? Sunrise was something I never pictured myself having in a trillion years... a drinking buddy. A friend. Oh I’d had friends, but none of the felt permanent. This was something nearly palpable though. She was somepony I’d always be happy to spend some time with. Despite her physical appearance, she was undeniably an attractive mare. Not in a sexual way, no, but she had a charisma about her that made me want her to be my comrade. She was, and always will be, an acquired taste.

In the distance, we could see the green spectacle that was Black Mesa Peak. The marker for my Stable. Along the way, there had been mumblings showing doubt toward whether there was a Stable there or not. It seemed pretty damned obvious to me. I hadn’t a clue how it could’ve gone unnoticed for so long. It had been something like 200 years, right?

“How could a graveyard have gone unnoticed for so long?” somepony echoed. Excellent. They were mind readers now. Although, “graveyard” seemed a bit out of place as a description for a Stable with live ponies. I hadn’t told them about the massacre. Then, as we approached it, I saw something I hadn’t on my way out. As we got closer, something became apparent that would never leave me for as long as I lived. Piled against the side of the cliff just out of the periphery of where one would come down, there were bones. Huge bones. Carcasses of something not long-since deceased. Some still had sinew clinging to their remains.

“Buffalo boneyard,” Sunset whispered with disapproval. Buffalo. The beings Rainbow Dash had once negotiated with to save Appleoosa, and later, to aid in the war. There were a lot of them there. I’d never seen a picture of a buffalo, but judging from the size of their remains, they were absolutely enormous. I’d also yet to see one out here, yet. They were a rare people even in peacetime. It was at least comforting that we’d put some ina Stable to continue their race and culture. Surely, we attempted to save all of our allies.

Rounding the bend and walking up the side, there were barrels scattered about with lit fires in them. The smoke rose and curled until being carried off by the wind. This was a recent addition to the Stable’s décor. It was something I overlooked as an afterthought by the survivors to help us find our way back. Maybe that doesn’t make sense. It did at the time. Nopony was out here but us. This illusion was proven untrue when one of the ponies I didn’t know muttered, “oh shi-et.”

“What, ‘oh shi-et?’” I looked back, waiting for an answer. Something told me I’d be regretting this visit back. So quickly after being kicked out, and already things had apparently gone to hell back here.

“Ya didn’t bring us ta raiders on purpose, didja?” Sunrise shifted uneasily from hoof to hoof as she said it. I began shifting as well, not sure if I should start blaming myself for what happened yet.

“Well, um,” I looked for the right words, “Now that you mention it, this doesn’t look quite right...” we tip-hoofed up a bit closer, until we were right at the old, wooden door leading us to the actual Stable door within. One eye on my E.F.S. at all times.

“Yer an idiot. I hope you know that.” I shook my head side to side, my stomach starting to tug me down to the earth. The pegasus’ sarcasm was beginning to get to me. Every step was made with effort, the rain dripped from my mane and brow. Any minute, now, we’d all be fucked and it’d all be my fault. I felt a little better with so many of us here, but happily bringing everypony back was sounding less and less realistic. The mud slushed under hoof, the downpour pitter-pattering, our breath puffing out like smoke. The tension was so thick, you could have ladled it out with a spoon. Appropriate for the weather. Sunrise interrupted the silence, “you know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you meant to bring us hear, Mr. Doctor,” while she had a point, the only thing I could think at the time was what a strange combination of titles to be used as a name. There were more important things to think about, to be sure.

We pushed open the door cautiously, expecting the unexpected to jump from out of nowhere and kill us all. Decaying bodies from the earlier slaughter had been moved out here. Hundreds piled against the walls, some toppled over and laying scattered elsewhere. There was no way to get to the giant metal doors without stepping on a few. I sighed and shrugged. Iridescence was apologizing profusely under her breath. The hellhound had been put in the corner farthest from the inner-entrance. That is to say, to the side of where you first enter it, giving the others a scare- Sunrise nearly jumping out of her loosely-hanging skin.

There was something wrong, though. No, I don’t mean all the dead bodies not having a grave; it felt as though there were more bodies out there than there should have been. Almost like the vault grew by two dozen or so. It was a bit of a strange calculation. Not completely sure where it came from, either, so I wouldn’t ask.

“Well this sure as hay wasn’t what I had expected a stable to be like. What went on in here, again?” one of the nameless party members chimed in.

“Ponies died,” I wasn’t in the mood to elaborate any further, “from what I’d gathered, a hell hound. Or a bunch of ‘em,” I looked over to Iridescence, “I was actually ‘out’ for the entirety of the event, save the initial murders. Truther be told, Des could probably fill you in a little better,” I continued on in silence, hoping that she’d start telling us...

Me...

What really happened.

“Why’d you call me ‘Des’?” That answered that.

Though she had raised a good point. Why had I called her that. I had never had that nick name cross my mind before. The pony mind sure was curious.

An eye fluttered open in the pile before closing tight, hoping nopony had noticed. I stared the pony down. Nary another soul paid head. We were only half way there.

That pony wasn’t part of the stables. Grey and blue maned with a grey coat, spiked hair, “STOP!” The plea reverberated throughout the tunnel. Sunset, Iridescence, and the other two turn around on their hooves.

There was a sigh. It came from the possum-pony unfortunate enough to have me notice him. Water dripped from the ceiling and landed on her as she came up. She grinned toothlessly, bringing her torn ears up to my eye level so I could see through them to the other side, “well shit. You got me, ya stupid light bulb!”

“Stupid what?” I guffawed at her expression.

“You’re as ridiculously fluorescent as a neon light! Were you trying to be sneaky? ‘Cause I don’t think you could pull that off. In fact, I think that if you were in a room without a speck of light, you’d still manage to light every-” I ignored everything else and turned my direction to my coat, bringing my legs up to my face to get a closer inspection. I’d never considered just how “showy” my coat was. Perhaps because “stealthy” wasn’t a word necessary in a frequently-monitored stable. “And- hey, are you listening to me?”

“Err, hmm” I ‘err hmmed.’

The pony before me’s ears twitched in Anger. I refused to look her in the eye, “guys. Come on, let’s do this!” another dozen rose from the dismembered and rotting corpses. Disgusting ponies.

“So, Lightbulb, didja do this on purpose er what?” Sunset teased.

“That’s what you’re gonna call me now, isn’t it? It’s just one nickname after another out here.” I had hoped “The Doctor” would stick.

“Eeyup!” straightforward, that one.

“HEY! OVER HERE, MR. FLASHY!” the pony before me stood on the tips of her hooves, leaning into my ear.

“WHAT?!” I yelled back in jest. What are you doing, you self-righteous idiot?! I looked down for the first time to see them widen into dinner plates.

“You’re supposed to cower in fear, like your friends.” I followed her gaze and saw that they had pushed themselves against a wall, the others moving toward them.

I flicked out my glasses for effect, “oh, I’m terribly sorry” mocking my old teacher. They wanted something.

“They’re raiders!” one of the nameless ponies spat out after stuttering.

“No, they haven’t killed us. They haven’t killed us because they want something. Raiders kill when they want something. QED: they aren’t raiders.” I stared her down as best I could. All I had to do was get us out alive.

My adversary’s brow furrowed like a caterpillar in need of a shave. I slipped my glasses onto the bridge of my nose. You’re going to kill us! “Cut your stupid bullshit! Which one of you has the code?” There were several things I’d done in the last week alone that had surprised me. However, on my list of things I’d ever done ever that were confusing even to me, this one topped them all.

“You ever been in a shootout, slick?” I was grinning to myself. I didn’t understand why, but I was grinning as though I’d just won an extra day’s rations for a bet. My heart was racing. It had only ever beat this quickly the other night. I think I started to creep her out.

She backed up a step, “N-no,” she was beginning to lose her cool.

“That’s nice. Neither have I, but how ‘bout this? We play wasteland rules. It’s only something I’d had another describe to me,” you’re talking out of your ass again, “the last pony standing wins. You kill me, and I assure you somepony in here has the code. All I’m gonna do is toss this rock up in the air, and we draw as it hits the ground,” I reached my magic out as far as I could, gripping a rock all the way from the door we’d entered. The concrete and stone wall above us was just high enough for what I needed to do.

The others surrounding my team backed off a little and put their weapons away to watch, Iridescence was mouthing, “what. Are. You. Doing?” meticulously and repetitively. I smiled and mouthed, “I. Have. No. Fucking. Idea.” her jaw dropped.

I put a magical hold on whatever was in my pack, hoping I’d get a good enough hold of everything to make this happen. It hurt. A lot. I waved the rock around for all to see, forcing a smirk. It went up, up, free of my magic, all eyes on it.

The last thing any of them saw was that rock.

I tossed everything out of my pack simultaneously, supplies flying everywhere, until I saw something new in there. “Sonic.” Doc must’ve done it. It was the first thing I took- it looked a bit like an inhaler strapped to a fire extinguisher. It read in bold, black lettering, “SPRAY INTO THE EYES.” I followed the instructions before anypony else could realize what I was doing, adrenaline being the only factor in my favour.

And time came to a standstill, just for me. I didn’t waste my chance, and took one of everything else on the floor. I could’ve opened up shop as a pharmaceutical caravan merchant with everything in there. I found I could use S.A.T.S. far more efficiently and took six shots- one directly and perfectly accurately at each of their completely exposed glabelli. After that was over, I moved onto the others and lined up shots, one by one until I was certain they were all dead- Octavia working on what must’ve been overtime. By the time the clip was empty, everypony by Sunset and friends was down for the count, leaving only the short one.

Everything clattered to the floor; I hadn’t even seen that everything had still been falling from my saddlebags in slow motion. I soon found that my body had been working in hyperdrive, as everything felt like it was on fire, and tears started falling from my eyes. I wanted to fall. This was the most pain I’d ever been in by far. The rock came crashing to the floor and short-pony looked back to me with his gun raised and saw the tears flowing and my legs shaking. None of the chems I had taken had helped. Not to the point I could notice.

“Goddesses... what’s wrong with you, now, ya stupid git?” she looked around and saw everything a mess. She tried to sound calm, “I’ll bet you can’t do that again,” she laughed in my face.

I pressed Octavia to her head from behind, “Don’t have to.” I was going to drop it. A rumble came forth from her throat with primal rage bursting at the seams.

“GO FUCK YOURSELF! I’LL KILL YOU ALL! And if I don’t somepony or something else will do it for me! Goddess strike you-” her scalp was showing bone where her once frizzled mane had been, she was screaming, begging this time, “KILL ME! If you don’t do it, something or somepony else will do it! I can tell you’re a kind pony! Just do it, please, it hurts, please please please!” I was tired of all of this.

“Happy to oblige,” I grunted out, and pressed the trigger in, again. Her brain showed through melting bone, hot red. She sounded like a freshly-born foal, right out of the womb, “sorry ‘bout that,” once more and things like her occipital lobe and basal ganglia were soup, a pink and grey soup.

I started sobbing, walking excruciatingly slowly to the stable’s main door, leaving everything behind, dropping Octavia without giving it another thought. Two of those I’d shot prior got up and left solemnly avoiding eye contact. They were grey, just like their leader. The crunching of their hooves against bones sent even more shivers down my spine.

Sunset was in a tizzy, “What’d you do that for? Do you know what you just took? How much you just took? You might die! You might’ve killed yerself! What’s wrong with you? Why’d you do that? You are one lucky bastard, I hope you know that, I-” I didn’t let her finish. A nasty habit I’d developed.

“I don’t know. I don’t give a buck! Don’t ask me anything ‘cause I don’t don’t know! Don’t talk, just shut up!” I practically kicked the corpses as I walked to the main door and entered the password, my birth date. Tears dripping as though from a faucet, splattering all over the ground, “come on!” everypony else was slow to move, but the ponies I’d shot and got up were already gone, “what was so goddess-damned important that they saw fit to fucking do this?!” I slumped to the floor the second I was able to get in, ignoring the terrible groan coming from the opening stable door.

I continued to rant, but Iridescence approached me, “your, uh, eyes are twitching,” she looked distraught.

I didn’t care: “You know what? I don’t give a shit why they wanted in here. Knowing my luck, they just felt like stealing everypony’s food! Why didn’t they just go around into one of the holes? I mean, FUCK!” I grimaced and fell to my side, “ah damnit, somepony help me up!” I heaved and watched as horror came across the faces of everypony on the trip, “what now? Something wrong with my face? If you haven’t noticed, I’m not that strong or young as it is, and I...” I stopped, “I’m dying,” My heart was beating out of control. It wasn’t slowing. My thoughts were racing, my head ached, my nose bled. My slicked back mane lay over my eyes in streams of green and black. I tried to comb it back into place with my hoof and gasped, “somepony stop it! Stop this!” I gasped again, “please!” I was crying for more than just the pain, now. I sat silently, swallowing back vomit and panting, looking on at the worl in increasingly fuzzier eyes. My glasses slipped off, “why aren’t you helping, you idiots?!” I was shouting at the top of my lungs. No, wait.

It came to me: I had been silent the whole way. Mute. Speechless. Useless. I hadn’t been saying anything, just imagining it. Picturing it in my head.

You killed us! “Shut up!” I told myself. You sprayed too much of that chem into your eyes, you fool! I didn’t even have the energy to argue with myself. I couldn’t remember my name, the colour of the sky in pre-war posters and books, the Goddesses’ names, or Tulip. There she was, the picture of her without a name framed flawlessly in my mind. Of all the things to flash through my mind in my last moments... And here I couldn’t even remember to form a sentence. I vowed that I would kill myself if I lived through this. I couldn’t feel anything. I could no longer see anything. I was deaf. It was just colour. Not even that, it was the feeling that there was something around me resembling colour. I was in my own personal hell. Forever trapped in a still vastness.

“A-fucking-gain!” The first words I heard in what felt like hours. It’d been a full five minutes, I knew in my heart. Still too exhausted to put a name to whom the voice belonged.

Oh yeah.

It was me.

“I was just about to say thatm actually,” a stern filly’s voice rang out in the air, right in my ear, “do that again, and I’ll kill you!” There was no joking or happiness. Just malice.

“Stop yelling. It hurts.” I croaked and chuckled, hurting my sides. My stomach already hurt, and was not made better by the kick I received, knocking the air out of me. I coughed into the floor, holding back what I’d eaten.

“Don’t you laugh! Stop it! StopstopstopstopstopSTOP!” You almost died again! What the FUCK is it with you?!” her voice cracking, “do you want to die? Okay, fine!” she pulled out what I felt was her 10mm pressed against my temple. Her rage took me by surprise. Nopony was helping. I still couldn’tsee, but I could feel her breathing against the nape of my neck and ear, “I’ll do it! I’ll pull the trigger! Goddess-be-damned if I don’t!” I was lost, “You are the dumbest son of a bitch I’ve ever met, and I think I should do the Equine race a favour!” again and again, she thundered in my ear. Her breathing turned shallow and shaky. The pressure on my forehead left and was followed by a gunshot into a wall, making me jump, and all my muscles shout out in disapproval. She bit the ear she’d been berating until I felt a warmth trickle down to my neck- I couldn’t tell the difference between the pain she was causing me, and that which had already infected every inch of my body. I shouted out in pain, my throat already raw.

She stopped all at once and susurrated, “fuck you. All you ever are is mean to me. You’re mean to everypony you’ve ever known!” I kept my eyes closed tightly, “die, you evil bastard. You soulless bastard,” something began dripping onto my cheek, “You shouldn’t be alive,” it hurt, all of it. I opened my eyes to find a pink-brown hoof shaking as if under immense pressure. The others had left, presumedly to find the remaining stable members, all I could hear was the sound of a crying filly whispering, “diediediediedie,” over and over again. It transitioned to “poniesarejustnumbersponiesarejustnumbersponiesarejustnumbers,” a rather unpopular philosphy brought down through the years in the overseers’ family since the beginning. For the greater good, we had to stay alive- witness a new dawn together, no matter what. I forgave her: it was my only choice. I could no longer see far away. Only the things directly in front of me. No glasses could help with this. I was essentially blind. She fell into me, her head resting on my neck.

I did the only first thing that came to mind. I sang a lullaby my mother had taken to singing me when I was just a colt, “hush now, quiet now. It’s time to rest your sleepy head...” I heard the others down the hall, “hush now, quiet now...” I forgot the rest of the words.

“You can’t sing,” she murmured weakly.

“I know,” I murmured back. I mustered a smile, “it’s okay, don’t worry about anything. I’m still here.”

“Didja shoot ‘im?” Right to the point, Sunset is.

“Ah, go drink yourself ta death,” everypony jumped, “y’all haven’t any faith,” I grunted under Iridescence’s weight, “that doesn’t mean I don’t need help getting up, though!” I considered my wording, “ Um. Please?”

One of the volunteers spoke up, his western accent really shining through, “yer thuh luckyest non of a gun that ever lived! She really looked like she was gon’ take yew out while you were down!” I sighed.

“Two things: one: I’m not that lucky, trust me. I’m just usin’ it all in one go, you’ll see,” I looked for a reaction and found I couldn’t see one. That was nice. Not, “number two: why didn’t you stop her?” I stared blankly toward the shapes in the door frame.

*Calm yo nips- I'm not done fixing up the italics and whatnot. Copy+pasting is annoying as shit.