Twilight Sparkle does acid

by Twi-Guy

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, Gore
Length: 1586

Twilight Sparkle does acid. Do I need to explain more? or can you see that this is a silly story that isn't meant to be taken seriously. Seriously... don't read this. You have much better things to do with your life.

Twilight Sparkle does acid. Do I need to explain more? or can you see that this is a silly story that isn't meant to be taken seriously. Seriously... don't read this. You have much better things to do with your life.

Published 2015-01-14 06:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-14 06:50:01 UTC

because i'm un-creative with chapter titles... going with chapter 1

It was a normal day in Equestria. The sun crested the distant mountains casting its rays of light down in the valley where Ponyville lay. The birds began chirping, flowers awoke from their slumber... and it seemed like a wonderful morning. Except, it wasn’t a wonderful morning.

In fact, it was a terrible morning. A morning so evil and horrible that generations of ponies would look back on this morning and wonder how the fair citizens of Ponyville ever lived. In fact, some historians look back and say it was the eighth wonder of the world that anypony survived.

If you’ve gotten this far you are probably asking yourself what could possibly have happened so many years ago. I mean... come on... this is Ponyville, it’s not like they aren’t used to the occasional disaster happening every other week for our viewing pleasure. Surely the ponies of Ponyville would have built up a certain tolerance for destruction, set aside several spare Ponyvilles in alternate dimensions in case something were to happen to the current model... or at least invested in a few planks to board up their houses with.

Well... in truth, they did all of these things. but... unfortunatly... they were not prepared for this.

It was a normal day in Equestria. The sun crested the distant mountains casting its rays of light down in the valley where Ponyville lay. The birds began chirping, flowers awoke from their slumber... and everything seemed like a wonderful morning. Except, it wasn’t a wonderful morning.

For in the very center of Ponyville where once a proud tree stood as the center of learning and friendship, there now stood a piece of **** mother ******* crystal castle. At first everypony was excited “oh sure,” they said, “what a lovely little castle.” Except it wasn’t lovely at all. Truth be told, the very first morning the ponies were already quite tired of it. Some were to go so far as to openly hate it. All except a certain Ms. Scratch whom found the bright, if not somewhat overpowering light show to be rather exciting. Another certain Ms. Punch, not so thrilled with the glaring lights after a night of binge drinking, swifty punched a quickly apologetic Ms. Scratch in the pancreas.

Soon many more ponies began voicing their opinions of the new castle and quickly came to the conclusion that it must be destroyed... as quickly as possible. While the ponies were certainly in a huff about this new “addition” to their town, there was one pony in particular who hated it more than anypony else. That pony was none other than the princess of friendship herself, Twilight Sparkle.

This is where our story begins, on a lovely day in Ponyville... filled with the violent screams of a disgruntled princess... and the chasm causing quakes left behind from her blasts of powerful alicorn magic.

“****!!!! Nothing I try is working. UGGHHHH!!! Stupid castle.”

In a surge of energy Twilight fired another beam into the castle, only to watch in frustration as the solid crystals effortlessly deflected her energy into the sky. While she watched the latest blast explode in the sky, an idea suddenly hit her. She calmly turned to her #1 assistant and requested one simple thing. Acid. Lots of acid. Owlicious promptly flew off to wherever Twilight would keep copious amounts of acid... trust me, you don’t want to know.

Minutes later Owlicious flew back to Twilight carrying a drum full of acid. It was amazing that the little guy didn’t have a heart attack the drum was so big. Dropping the drum with a resounding thud, Twilight quickly attached a hose to the drum and began pumping the acid all over the castle. Naturally Pinkie Pie appeared out of a garbage can carrying pop corn. Yes, the garbage can was carrying pop corn. Pinkie has some strange friends and you may call this one Steve.

Regardless, Steve left because it was garbage day and he didn’t want to get dumped. ... BA DA CHHHH. But Twilight was oblivious to Pinkie, Steve, the pop corn, and the drumset Pinkie pulled out of her hair. Instead, Twilight’s focus lay on the acid. She watched with glee as the fluid covered the crystal surfaces, laughed when small chunks broke away, and cackled with pure ecstasy when one of the walls collapsed.

Meanwhile Pinkie pulled a bean bag cushion from her tail, sat down, and started munching on her mane which tasted of fried chicken. After about three seconds Pinkie got bored and decided it would be fun to have a bean bag chair fight. Of course nothing could possibly go wrong, it is only a bean bag after all. But, upon seeing Twilight’s bruised body on the ground and the spray of acid going into her mouth Pinkie realised that maybe she she should have worn socks today, so Pinkie went home to fix that problem.

Twilight could feel the acid building up in her stomach. At the same time she wondered how why the acid hadn’t melted through to her insides yet. She also wondered why she didn’t need to cast the all-too-convenient-to-the-plot spell to fix things like she always did. Twilight thought about how far the writers must have fallen to not even include a reasonable explanation for the main conflict of the story. But, before she could come up with a thousand and one possible reasons as to how this could have been better, the writers decided that she knew too much and let her fall into a coma because explaining things is hard and no one really cares anyway. We are all here to see what happens when Twilight does acid, not endlessly debate about WHY she did it, just that she did.

Several hours later Twilight awoke in a bed. A bed that had restraining bolts, tubes that dangled all around her presumably pumping her full of spices and herbs and what have you. At least it seemed to look that way for a time. It didn’t take long before she heard somepony coming, chanting what sounded like a tribal dinner song. She looked to her left and saw a cauldron boiling away. She looked to her right and saw a pool of blood and the pelts of her friends hanging up to dry. At this point fear took hold and she took fast shallow breaths. A cold sweat came over her and she immediately began to shiver. The voices seemed to be raising in excitement and getting closer. Twilight squeezed her eyes shut and tried to ignore the voices getting closer with every passing second.

Nurse Redheart entered the room and washed her hands in the blood of her friends, rubbed their intestines all over her hooves for who knows what, and then wiped the blood away with the pelts of her friends. Twilight watched in horror as nurse Redheart adjusted the tubes that went into her. Twilight could only wonder if she needed more salt, or a dash more seasoning. Nurse Redheart moved away to the take a look at the cauldron and scooped out several things from them. Twilight tried to move her head to get a better view, but there was only so much that she could do as she felt the restraints bite into her hooves.

The nurse must have been alerted to her movement. She reached behind her and pulled out a spear of some kind and made quick movements towards her. In a panic, Twilight tried to blast her with magic and was rewarded with a bright flash. The nurse was stunned and Twilight used the few seconds she had to free herself from the bed and bolted away from the nurse in the direction she came from. Twilight could hear more tribal singing and it was growing louder and coming in her direction. She raced away and hid behind a nearby tree, relieved to see that they were more concerned with the nurse at the moment than her. Wasting no time, Twilight ran. She didn’t know where she was going but for right now it didn’t matter.

Nurse Redheart had recovered from the flash, but was surprised to see that her patient was gone. She heard other doctors and nurses running in her direction so she took a moment to recall everything that had happened. When the doctors came in, she told them that she was fine and when asked, simply said that she washed her hands, checked the patient’s vital fluids (which now lay spilled on the floor) and noticed that something was wrong. When she went to the table which held the needed medicine she saw that the patient was freaking out so she moved quickly to apply a sedative which was kept in her pocket. At that point, the flash happened and the patient had run off.

Author's Note

hey guys, it's been awhile since i've done a story. this popped into my head and i thought "why not" so you're welcome. also it's my birthday today in case you are interested, so this is my birthday present to the world. again, you're welcome.

if you guys like this i may consider doing more, but until i get a read it i'm not going to go any further. so comment and like it and follow it or whatever else you do and we'll see how it goes from there.

peace.