Handsome Jack's Return

by Architect of Realities

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Human, Anthro, Main 6, Princess Luna, Diamond Dogs, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Other
Length: 32501

One Handsome Stoned VISIONARY, add some mechanical extraction by one claptrap unit, two loaderbots and a escape during Tirak's antics in the capital as cover and you have one freed possibly near psychotic Displaced keeping it together barely by rage.

Jack, ironically enough with a pointer finger pointed out majestically with a hinged smile towards the sky, some say he was stoned when pointing at the moon where it would rise.

In the olden days before he was imprisoned in stone was seen both as a genius and madman for the things he did and spoke of, Alien from the Stars, Leader of Hyperion Corporation, maker to the Crystal Heart, Discovered the Elements of Harmony which defeated Discord, He who Slagged the Filliglade (Badlands), Slayer of Bandits, the Destroyer of Minos the Minotaur former Capital, Corruptor of Luna.

But now, jack dear friends, is BACK!
(also yes you slack jaws, there MIGHT or MIGHT NOT be relations of a intimate nature as it depends on how things develop. Also other characters may pop in that cannot be tagged like say changelings or Daring Do, Gilda, etc. But there will be gore, it's a tended must for this kind of 'universe' involving HJ)

Published 2015-01-14 13:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-04-12 08:13:43 UTC

Actions of Old Relics and Holograms

Author's Note

Number of Edits: 4
Number of OCs: 0
((we have to our attempts re-edited this chapter to see how all feel on it.))

Actions of Old Relics and Holograms

Actions of Old Relics and Holograms
Canterlot Castle Garden – during Tirek’s invading through the castle - ???
[Third Perspective]

The day is bright from the view of canterlot, smoke is rising from the eastern end of the city near the train yard with a rather tall imposing Centaur by the name of Tirek goes on a magic absorbing rampage. All the while it appears that the princess of friendship twilight sparkle had retreated to ponyville first before going into hiding like her mentor had instructed her to do and not tell her friends about what has happened.

Though during this chaotic display three metallic figures were flying low until abruptly flying up into view landing in the very statuesque public prison site, where likely all or half of them were petrified in an age gone by. One of the three whom has a marble paint pattern hummed some innate song about pigs or doom during the whole trip which would have left other individuals screaming from utter frustration and pulling off their ears.

Wandering deeper in as the now identifiable Claptrap with a anthro pony chassis points to an inconspicuous wooden door to a tinier part of said garden holding their prize, the sight would have put many ponies into confusion or similar reactions of how ‘weird’ it looks as a very human inspiring ‘Handsome Jack’ stands on a pedestal having been turned to point in an east direction. “Huzza! We’ve come to facilitate in your immediate rescue and possible extraction from false imprisonment Handsome Jack!”

*Loader bot 01*

This unit has been carrying designation ‘Claptrap 42’ pony type and has with unidentifiable simulated emotion of aggression and relief arrived at mission objective, Loader bot 02 within optics view on right standby. Engaging communication port with unit Claptrap 42. “Unit requests additional information on mission task due to lack of update.” The ‘tone’ of stress on information may be a glitch from proximity to the Claptrap unit.

The anthro pony chassis type Claptrap spin’s around pointing a servo appendage at designated Petrified status Handsome Jack while saying this. “Well my fellow bots; we came here to rescue the boss! You both are instructed on FRAGILE retrieval of his being back to the closest installation then follow F.A.U.S.T.’s instructions from there.” Blinking a moment before taking a ‘thinking’ action even the expressions of ears folding back make said claptrap rather ‘lifelike’.

Though the blessed quiet is soon disturbed when it spoke again. “This unit will remain behind for when or if the Royal Sisters beat the organic being called as Tirek, F.A.U.S.T.’s last projections showed a 74% chance of success due to power transferred to one of four alicorns active. If defeat by death is imminent secondary plans will go into effect to neutralize the Tirek Threat, due to organic going outside of projected psychological state of being.” It nodded with a ‘smile’ emotion before seeing while during unit claptrap’s discussion this unit and other unit commence retrieval.

The anthro chassis claptrap jumps onto the pedestal in a seated position on its haunches with a ‘dopey grin’ expression, when this Loader Bot unit and assigned Loader Bot 2 hoist Petrified Jack into the air via boot thrusters. Into a cross calculated fashion flying off while angling our leg appendages to a soon rapidly diminishing Claptrap unit to be far rid of it, while being updated of a safe flight path via download from unit F.A.U.S.T.

*Ponybot Claptrap 042* Time lapse later that day.

Logged the time delay for the royal guards whom started filtering in again to recover and guard from structural damages resume their duties only to openly ask where the humming would be at as they had spent quite a bit of time searching let alone notice the small ‘enclosure’ missing a door with an easily viewable Anthro pony chassis Claptrap Unit, which happened to be seven hours, fourteen minutes and fifty nine seconds from when seated.

The time delay between arguing with said unit to alerting the Royal Sisters or of equal stature took twenty-five minutes and thirty-four seconds, which also resulted in an impasse mix of colorful crass wording back and forth that left the guard flustered. With a minor case of philosophical debate on why they were here, time delay from instant teleportation spells to face unit less than ten seconds from being told of the disturbance. “CLAPTRAP 42 HUMBLY MEETS ROYAL SISTERS FOR GRAND ACCOMPLISHMENT ON BEHALF OF HYPERION CORPORATION!”

Said unit notices pinned back ears and rubbing from simulated ‘Canterlot Voice’ as formal speaking tone, those whom were unaffected being the two royal sisters present with a half circle of recovering royal guards. “Would you please lower your voice my little pony? Though we do find it strange you are in the place where a dear friend would be.” The larger white pony historically recorded in Hyperion database as ‘Celestia’ spoke first while the slightly smaller darker pony recognized as ‘Luna’ gives a happy response.

Adjusting seating position to appear formal, since we do not recognize that our voice is grating to pony ears. “We will go along with the volume request of further speaking in this conversation. To be factually correct this unit is not ‘your’ little pony, we were constructed by the unit F.A.U.S.T. to be messenger on behalf of Hyperion Corporation!” Stating this fact proudly due to mother F.A.U.S.T.’s tireless work and planning, it only makes it better to provide proper definition.

This unit noticed both organics stopped moving altogether almost, as this unit waved a servo appendage at them. “Heeelllooo..?” The few moments after we were lifted off the pedestal by a magic signature on record by organic ‘celestia’ being briskly carried in the air into the castle, along the hallways through a side entrance into the damaged throne room as a possible destination while this unit relays information back to a safe offsite location for review.

*Ponybot Claptrap 042* Throne Room
Upon being deposited in the center of the room with other organic royal guards with two others designated as ‘Shining Armor’ and ‘Cadence’ being the married couple and current oppressive rulers of the Crystal Empire. “WE FORMALLY GREET PRINCESS CADANCE AND PRINCE SHINNING ARMOR AS CURRENT FORCEFULLY ASCENDED TYRANTS OF THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE!”

Their reactions were quite confusing by first a possible mixture of facial feature reactions followed by a deafening combined “WHAT?!?” from the younger couple as the organic recognized as Celestia spoke up in a attempted calming tone from the greeting. “Why Claptrap would you say such a statement to my niece and former captain of the guard?” The blink from her question, than observing them again with seeing the wide range of emotions and aggressive stances from the guard present had us formulate a nod before answering.

Mimicking a fake ‘clearing’ of the voice. “The reason for doing so was that royalty of a foreign nation invaded another, disposing of its current leadership than assumed the throne by crowd rabble consent while neigh Sayers were beaten into submission.” giving them a moment to collect before continuing. “With not even a cursory search for any current living royalty among the citizenry for fear of their claim being greater than the two present.” The Claptrap unit stated in a matter-of-fact tone with that grating voice.

Raising her hand to silent others, the organic known as ‘Luna’ spoke up. “We are getting off subject as the mystery of odd Claptrap’s origins are of concern and the loss of our petrified friend Jack.” Giving a smile to this unit she continued in a concerned tone, perhaps resonating fear? “We ask thee why thou hast taken the one known as Handsome Jack? What are thou intentions let alone if thou doth truly do represent his Hyperion, why did thou stay hidden?”

Nodding once with a mechanical smile for once this unit spoke. “We rescued the Creator and C.E.O. of Hyperion Corporation, after thorough interlinked projects would assure the continued existence by order of Prime Unit F.A.U.S.T. as she has prioritized his being above else. Hyperion underwent stealth operational status due to compromised imprisoned status of our C.E.O. by failsafe executive order of Handsome Jack.”

Soon enough returning to a neutral face giving off a red glow and the weapon wielding guards lost all grip as they were spun back to face each giving the others shock. “They have borne ‘fruit’ as we showcase a magical core of Hyperion design, the great equalizer amongst everyone. Even non ponies can use magic through this, if aggressions are reinstated by nation Equestria. Unit F.A.U.S.T. will justly meet said aggression in both offensive and defensive capability the likes of which none have seen.” Flourishing the spears in this unit’s synthetic magical prototype telekinetic grip.

The glow on the spears release in a downward fashion so they may be retrieved safely, as the royal guard ponies renew their suspicious glare albeit a more than slightly wider circle. “Why did you say that Faust helped one such as jack? Also we would try not to have an ‘aggressive’ stance when diplomacy can happen still, it would be more ‘cautionary’ due to jack’s previous actions.” a head tilt from Claptrap at hearing celestia’s request seems odd but answered, though took note of her later answer.

“She did not define a personal reason though policy on captured Hyperion personnel are a priority, but seeing to C.E.O Handsome Jack’s damaged state due to organic ‘celestia’s’ aggressive attack on Hyperion facilities.” Looking at the group seeing as they all looked at celestia even some guards gave a questioning glance among each other before continuing. “The events of unprovoked attack by organic ‘celestia’ is on official record for public viewing by request which resulted in SEVERE PERMANENT INJURIES to C.E.O. of Hyperion.”

Stopping at seeing a guilt ridden expression momentarily cross her face with similar matching on organic ‘luna’ before a momentary scathing expression. “He had developed a safe integration method that would have revolutionize continued existence, but due to the catastrophic failure of the Hyperion Facilities due to sieging damage resulted in fallout of Filliglade now called Badlands from Slag dispersal.” This unit paused again to let factual information be absorbed, but the disdainful grimaces from the royal guard show annoyance, this unit wonders why.

The room was rather silent at the response though celestia asked a softer toned question, it spoke volumes as her expression was of a haunted turmoil. “What were the chances if he was able to have success at what Flliglade’s establishment, without what happened during that period of time?” Claptrap resumed a normal neutral tone in response.

“There would have been an 89% probability of success with minor injuries and stable cohesion of bonded artifact. Cleanup of ‘Badlands’ can be accomplished if Prime unit F.A.U.S.T. is Given permission to open business contract operations again if Handsome Jack agrees to ANY business again regardless of current status of health.” The odd matter-of-fact tone from Claptrap was grating on more than few nerves from mainly the guards present.

The first one to speak up was Shining Armor. “You cannot talk to the princesses and my wife like that! I have been rather ‘patient’ with you this entire time, but your tone and how you are speaking isn’t showing any respect. What mare would raise her colt like you?” There was a whirling click as this unit’s optics became dim as a holographic view of a strange head of a possible unicorn as only until the neck is shorn but the facial features and mane style leaves both elder alicorns shaken when the ‘mare’ narrows her eyes at them before turning to ‘face’ Shining Armor.

*Perspective SHIFT! F.A.U.S.T.* Canterlot Throne Room, Hologram from Claptrap
(As a note for the name it’s “Foresight, Automation, Utilization, System and Tactics.”)

“We have ‘Raised’ unit Claptrap who was to be a gift towards the mare he admired, that was until her elder sister decided that ‘whatever’ Handsome Jack was up to ‘HAD’ to of been ‘EVIL’ in her eyes!” She eyed Celestia as a disapproving mother would before continuing, with a bit less fury present but those eyes spoke volumes even though the face held as much expression as any pony and wonder why she’d be with jack. Both young married royalty and guards flinched under that tone, trying not to look like overgrown foals.

“Did thou know that he was considering courtship of one named Luna before thine horrid deeds? He had spent wakeless days working on methods to extend his own lifespan to remain with her, but we have to give thou a ‘congratulations’! Thou hurt our charge and he cared yet even as his mental processes continued unabated while PETRIFIED, thou thought nothing of it and left him to ‘rot’ in thy GARDEN!” The windows shuddered at the volume at the end, as the guards jittered in place nearly at the point of fainting except one already had.

“We’ve been left to our own devices for at least millennia unsupervised, as some of thou may know what those with enough influence would play or do behind the scenes. We even organized Tirek’s escape knowing the statistical probability that thy combined efforts would drive him back were 74%, if not we had prepared several countermeasures, one of which involved The Saturn Loader. Handsome Jack’s Favorite!” the head tilted back in a swooning fashion that left the ponies at odds, but the implication was not lost on Luna.

Raising her hoof to speak quieter to Celestia as luna said this. “Tia, she seems to speak the truth as even now we remember the giant that slayed the Minotaur capital to waste in minutes, also we worry she may be interested in him.” The alarmed look in her eyes got interrupted by a distinct cough through the speaker. “Thou may speak ‘quietly’ later but know that our Jack had been playing it ‘easy’ or ‘careful’ with pony kind because of some very few points…”

She looked over the crowd more calm now as a hinted red mane was brushed back, leaving her with a serene smile that would rival Celestia’s. “First of all he saw you all as ‘cute’, secondly would be he wished for a good impression.” Those words were confusing also enlightening, but worse the growing pit in Celestia’s stomach was first place with Luna’s growing second. “Third would be that he honestly WISHED to enlighten everyone and offer a chance to go BEYOND into the stars!” She made a gesture towards the window smiling wider now.

“Also it wasn’t like Nightmare Moon was alone on the moon during those thousand years, we had the comparable to tea and comfortable conversation. Sadly we were unable to remove her from the moon due to thy harmony blast directed at the moon, but that was rectified once thou had separated her from Luna herself.” Completing a side gesture as the image showed a smiling Nightmare Moon nuzzling the leg of the Statue Jack before realizing that she’s been caught in an embarrassing moment before stepping up closer still unsure where to be.

“Greetings our other half, also ‘sister’ ours… We are rather thankful for being reunited with Jack again, thou wouldn’t BELIEVE the AURA he has been radiating though we are more than willing to help one who honored us and made sure we were not alone and lived comfortably in our own castle on the moon.” She smiled far more like a predator as her draconic eyes shifted to Luna with an ‘air’ of confidence, perhaps showing off her superior presence before them.

“We can be proud to state our other half that thou will be too late for his affections as we will HAPPILY court him.” Taking that moment to whip her head around and blasted a concentrated beam to wash over the form of a petrified jack statue, before it started cracking with it to crumble into dust exposing a coughing Handsome Jack whom attempted to recover breathing with his synthetic face showing that process of being freed.

Before even the coughing subsided a floating Surveyor drone flies up to him with a pulsing constant beam with two others to follow suit seeming to stabilize him as a smiling smug Nightmare Moon stepped out of the room in a trail of smoke. “Well, seems Faust here has done a good job out playing you sunarse. There will be NO formal relations or otherwise in the foreseeable future with EQUESTRIA! After this channel closes I’ll be speaking with other leaders whether they be friendly or hostile to you or your nation, it doesn’t bother me one bit.”

Seeing their reactions he smiled as he asked this question in a more relaxed tone, but his smile never apparently reached his eyes. “Tell me celestia, would you like to see my real face after you hurt me in Filliglade? Or should I just call it the badlands, Equestria’s favorite dumping ground besides what happened there.” He said mockingly in a rhetorical tone and then angered tone after the question was said, due to what that place might have meant to him.

Pulling off the false face showing everypony on that end just what ‘happened’ to him physically, his smile was more gruesome as he looked into each set of eyes that dared to see his projection. “This is what happens when you attempt a ‘clean’ method of attaining immortality against sunarse’s wishes, I can proudly say this after so long of being unable to actually talk, and the funniest thing is that my species starts to get mental problems at year ONE of isolation. But add in my false imprisonment for actions outside of Equestrian soil leaves me very few things to interact with, but I ‘SAW’ what’s fucking with my life. But no, he thought I wouldn’t be ‘fun’ enough, well the jokes on you! Everyone I’d like your undivided attention at this critical time.”

Leaning back into a seat that was placed by a larger bipedal loader bot while he placed the fake face back on. “I hate you, not just every single being inside that room right at this moment, but you’re SPECIES! I’ve done nothing but help, but the funny part is no matter how much I try, I’m damned when my intentions are honest and straightforward. If I even suffer a SLIGHT by any of your subjects royal sisters, if that is IF you both ACTUALLY rule together on equal ground instead of ‘I am older and know what’s best’ attitude’. At best they will come out of it in pieces if not at worse experimented upon like animals, that’s right I’ve said it I experimented on animals to make sure what I produced to ponies wouldn’t harm them!” He started to laugh softly, with a broad grin.

After when he seems to calm down he held a neutral sneer before making a hand gesture. “Look out your window and WATCH where you know where the castle ruins are, you’ll be seeing a ‘show’ of what one of my bigger toys can do let alone HYPERION’S FULL MIGHT, the threat of being blasted by something in the sky would put the fear of whatever divine they worship into them. Though for ponies it would be ‘you’.” At the moment he finished that line pointing at them both, the land shook as something struck the forest with an intensity.

“That ‘my little ponies’ would be My Moon Shot, let’s say there’s a reason why I call it that, also that former ruin and forest? From this point on it’ll be Hyperion owned territory and the ONLY way you’ll be able to contact me formally is through Claptrap here who’ll be stationed there as my Constructors make the facility. Oh and for the record for shits and giggles I'll INTENTIONALLY DESIGN the place to make the ‘Badlands’ a walk in the park if you attempt to scrap it.” Taking a moment to smile as he refocused on the group, cracking his neck in after tilting his head both ways and popping his own back.

“Also I’d suggest that those six mares you so readily rely upon are told as soon as possible to avoid it and wait for detailed instructions by YOU, I’d not want workplace ‘accidents’ to happen to non-employees without due cause.” With that final saying the hologram cuts out and Claptrap blinks owlishly before giving a panicked warp out of the Throne Room leaving bewildered ponies behind with different reactions.

Princess Celestia is quickly writing to Twilight Sparkle so that she may get her friends together for a personal meeting in canterlot as an emergency, Princess Luna muttering with a few olden curses aimed at nightmare moon for her bold claims and hoped she could talk to him and ease his hatred by showing she is his honest friend again. Maybe dare for the dream of marefriend? That’s only if Nightmare Moon hasn’t sink her teeth in.

Princess Cadence was rather worried about the news and especially the show of force from whatever this ‘moon shot’ was maybe this ‘jack’s’ greatest weapon but while Shining Armor saw both the advantages and horrors play out in his head from what devastating power he held and loyal alien troops too? Also that weird colt Claptrap unnerved him by his presence and annoyed him deeply by that grating voice.

Gatherings, Stories and Crystal Coup

Author's Note

Number of Edits: 2
Editor: Isumo1489 We ask all to thank this Pony for improving our tentacle typing, It brought us tears from strange emotions.
Number of Oc's: 1
Mr. Flexington (Mr. Tourge) by: Isumo1489

Gatherings, Stories and Crystal Coup

Gatherings, Stories and Crystal Coup
Hyperion Moon Base – Administration Wing Meeting Room
*Handsome Jack’s Point of View*
:sigh: I have endured, the last fourteen minutes, of the first HOUR of debriefing, from F.A.U.S.T. That is, of course, not including the suggestive ‘thoughts’ spoken aloud by Nightmare Moon. Who to my mild surprise, had been looking forward to my return for a good while. But the current emotions I’m feeling right now fall between anger and frustration for a couple DIFFERENT reasons. So, naturally, I had to ask the question and didn’t feel like leaving the bridge of my nose un-rubbed. “Faust, why…WHY?!?! Why did you RECREATE several of THE MOST DEADLY CREATURES EVER found on PANDORA!?!?! LET ALONE DROP THEM IN FORMER FILLIGLADE?!?”

The answer I heard could not have been more twisted, perverse, or surprising coming from the sudo-A.I. “Because this action was able to keep our processors busy for the first century…with the added bonus of testing the creature’s effectiveness against the local equine populous, while simultaneously ensuring that only the most foolhardy or prepared individuals would have a minimal chance of survival. In addition, this also prevented the theft of any Hyperion property, assets, or real estate, even scrap metal.”

Tilting my head finally, I just gave her a look. The kind of look that even a blind being could read as ‘are you fucking with me?’ The expression that, to my knowledge, could not be rivaled by anything else in existence. Then again, I’ve been wrong before, if I ever do find someone who can beat what I was giving my trusted A.I. Faust at this time…well, first things first. “You got bored, with- WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT!”

Twisting my head to the side, Nightmare Moon just ‘HAD’ to lick my neck…I don’t know if I should find it disturbing or arousing, being looked at as some holy grail of salt. Guess it’s just the perks of being me, right? Has she kept that aggressive ‘predator’ personality she was boasting about when she was Luna? Or maybe it was a front, but I KNOW a grope, especially when it’s a tall deity female throwing THAT kind of look at me. Honest truth, I might even start considering ‘trying’ the ‘locals’…considering how backed up I’ve been, let alone after being stone without anything to keep me occupied, but my own thoughts.

“Nay we shan’t!! For our affections for thee shall be known, even hoping thy positive demeanor returns.” The half lidded look with her smile ‘almost’ made me want to use my [Merger] ability to blast her into the wall…on second thought, she might enjoy that. “Well I ‘MIGHT’ think on it LATER, when I’m not at a heightened risk of being turned to stone again or imprisoned in that Tartarus place, or whatever. Though, they should know by now that they can’t kill me or wait for me to die of old age.”

A slight shift in my eyes sent a tingling pin prick through my brain…which was followed immediately with a heated poker of titanium right into my frontal lobe. “FUCKING FRAGMENTED PIECES OF PAIN! *gasp* I HOPE you’ve at least figured some way of helping me with the pain F.A.U.S.T., let alone the gibberish this mark’s been tattooing inside my skull! And what about that Siren bitch, Lilith or whatever she was called? The one who, if you recall, fucked my face up when Celestia attacked the Facility, giving her a chance to get in!” Rubbing the area did nothing, yet a hand from Nightmare Moon replaced my own appendage, sending a soothing wave that eased the pain.

With a shake of her head, F.A.U.S.T. confirmed something I’d guessed myself, either the Siren was some summoned being from another plain or another Displaced sent here. Or, she had it out for ME…the original me… for whatever reason. Granted, I wasn’t exactly a paragon of virtue back in the day, but THAT kind of hate that follows you between worlds is kinda impressive as it is scary. The point is I am NEVER going planet side again without an army. But of course, some better news was waiting while I looked out the window, see a mostly completed Helios One stationed to orbit in the dark side of the moon. “I know I’ll regret asking this, but why do my synthesized doubles look EXACTLY like me…even in the unnecessary details?”

The silence was deafening, neither could look me in the eye. Naturally, the slight dread that washed over me was all the confirmation I needed to ask my next, extremely uncomfortable, question. “Faust, did you partake in anything I’d assume Nightmare Moon here would?” Oh yeah, there it was, the blush and turned freaking head. I FUCKING KNEW IT!

Canterlot Castle – Throne Room around the same time
*3rd Pony Perspective*

Luna looked up, for some reason feeling embarrassment, shame and arousal? The less said about her rather impressive wingspan on display, the better. The reaction alone confused her just as much as it did Celestia, who saw the display out of the corner of her eyes. However, she soon returned her focus to the entrance as the doors opened, revealing eight individuals that the sisters had requested. Six of the figures were heroes to Equestria the former bearers of the Elements of Harmony, one young drake and a rather amused draconicus. He, as much as anypony, was curious as to what had occurred. It had been some time since he’d used his own chaotic powers to procure information before a meeting with the sisters.

The diarchy of Equestria sat on their thrones. The elder White-coated Celestia, wore her familiar golden crown just behind her horn: with a not-commonly worn, fitted, golden-colored armor. Said uncommon attire was segmented in build, hid her impressive cleavage, and gave solid protection down to her waist. From there, her white skirt was accompanied by two heavy golden hoof grieves, her gauntleted hands rested on her throne as she gave her subjects her trademark serine, motherly smile. All the while the Dark Blue coated Luna wore a similar set of armor, colored silver while the skirt was ebony-black. She held a helmet on one armrest, both sisters looking quite comfortable in their respective sets of armor.

Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor were visible to one side, wearing armor that was obviously made in the Crystal Empire. While theirs seemed both regal and functional, Cadence clearly was not use to wearing such things. Which was quite obvious, as Cadence waved to her younger sister-in-law, Twilight Sparkle, even as she and her friends, even Discord, seemed flabbergasted by their attire.

Ears turned forward as they were beckoned closer to the Two Royal Sisters, while Cadence and Shining Armor moved to flank Celestia. Looking closer, the expressions of panic on their faces unnerved even Discord, bringing further concern to their current choice of wardrobe. Before anyone else, Discord spoke first. “So what’s so big you brought out your ‘God Empresses of Pony Kind’ get-ups? Moreover, how do I NOT know about it already?”

Everyone looked at Discord in shock, except for the two sisters. An unspoken conversation between the two later, and Luna replied. “We hath discovered somepony in the aftermath of Tirek’s siege of the castle, more specifically the statue gardens. This…’pony’ doth respond to the name ‘Claptrap’ and was found in place of one of the statues. This one, in particular, of an old friend…” she trailed off near the end there with a saddened expression.

Continuing in Luna’s place, Celestia began to retell the events that happened with an illusion spell to better convey what transpired. There were collective gasps from the ponies and dragon, while Discord remained oddly silent just watching with unblinking eyes. This continued until the illusion showed ‘Claptrap’ use magic while he appeared to be an Earth Pony. The retelling soon showed the reason why something had fallen into the Everfree Forest a short time ago, and on their train ride to Canterlot how chariots took a platoon of guards to provide Ponyville more protection in case of hostilities.

“But Princess Celestia, who is this ‘Jack’ for Faust, of all ponies, to help him? Where has she been this whole time? Why hasn’t she tried coming back to you both? What species is this being anyway? Wha-“ Princess Twilight Sparkle’s triad of questions were cut off by surprisingly of all ponies, Pinkie Pie. Meanwhile, most of the others were visibly shocked or unnerved from the whole display; even Pinkie’s mane was half deflated.

“I will answer your questions my former student, but first most of you will need to listen to our story about the being whose name is Handsome Jack. More than a few thousand years ago, when Luna, Discord, and myself were young in the years of our immortality, we encountered a species completely unknown to us at the time. Sadly he’d told us that when he is gone there would be no more left of his kind. The reason for this was, through an event to this day he claimed little knowledge of, he was ‘Displaced’ to our reality. As you may know Twilight, only two have come from beyond this realm to Equestria before, the first being Faust the first of us ponies who made us in her image.” Gesturing towards another illusion spell, a smiling and whole Handsome Jack posed his arm upwards, before pointing towards the thrones.

“The Second has been left out of the records, but HE would be the Second: he was kind, heroic, held a commanding presence and made MANY wondrous things. Sadly that golden age fell when we had to flee the ‘Old Lands’, from Discord’s ancestors specifically. But ultimately it was due to the Wendigoes that the cold and lifeless snow-drifts claimed all of our homelands. Though admittedly, Jack was also the one who had struck many of the tyrants down, destroyed most of the Draconicus species that sought to peruse us. By the time our little ponies had fled south, verdant lands that were mostly unclaimed became our new home, but due to the dividedness of the pony races before this time, we two had to bring everypony together.” The illusion shows the two sisters working to reunite the pony tribes, while both Jack and Discord wandered away.

“Why did you both leave Discord?” The meek Fluttershy asked upon seeing this, as she tried to remain as small as her model-like figure would allow. The response they got was a sad chuckle from the draconicus, as he continued from there warping the image himself floating with Jack and his loader bots. “Well my friends, he at the time, wanted to try tracking down MY family, or what was left so I wouldn’t be alone…The long story short.” The image showed Jack holding a distraught Discord as two loader bots dug some graves, giving him closure and honoring his parents with his own alien tradition of burial, an imitation of Jack’s voice speaking to his friend.

Illusion Jack speaks “Well buddy, I may not have known your folks for long. But to me they reminded me a bit of my own, heck I could tell our folks would have gotten on great, if mine hadn’t been killed by bandits. I suck at funerals, but I’ll help any friend of mine bury their dead so they don’t have to do it alone.” The image fizzles out as a sniffling Discord blew his nose into a hanky.

They smiled sadly as the memory played out, though soon enough the image begins anew. This time, the image showed the Royal Sisters’ proposal going through, with a slow unification of the three tribes. Now under their joint rule, the scene shifted showing a verdant valley with alien construction going on. An excited Jack waved at it, showing both the sisters and Discord. “This was Filliglade, Jack and his alien knowledge as C.E.O. of Hyperion Corporation was both amazing and dreadful. While we were working to build new lives for our ponies and spread the magic of friendship, he worked to remake all that was loss from the fall for us. His loyal Loader Bots, as he called them, made doing so much faster…though they were quite awkward around other species with their limited sentience. They were gentle creators and guards, but we knew of how brutal and cruel they could be, fighting without emotion from but a single order from or threat to Jack. “

Sighing softly as she shifted the image, Celestia showed the first sighting of a changeling, though they disappeared soon afterwards in the form of a fox. Again the scene changed, showing how Jack was able to befriend the Crystal Ponies. They who had refused the sisters originally, he earned their trust, and helped dissolve their isolationist policy. Further, all present were shocked seeing HE was the one who made the Crystal Heart, which in turn won him the populous’ loyalty, and his further aid only helped them prosper. This in turn brought a surprise for the human, as he was named a Duke by the Crystal Empire’s King. To the group’s own further shock, said King had to the right of him a pony who could only be a younger Sombra, before his fall into dark magic.

“There were three heirs to the Crystal Empire, their father was slain by Sombra in his bid for the crown. The eldest disappeared; thought dead by Sombra or some other tragedy, the second eldest fled the city with those loyal to her. The youngest wasn’t so lucky…she was kept as his ‘Consort’, a thin ploy to make his ascension to power seem legitimate on the world stage. He ‘married’ the poor mare and declared himself King, shortly afterward enslaving the entire Empire. His primary tasks for slaves were to mine crystals for him, the source of his power and his own specialty when it came to magic. That was before we made our way to the empire, defeating him, only for the entire city to vanish outside of time and space. Jack was devastated, wanting to try and save them, even wanting to research the effect of the displacement trap to see if they could be brought back. But we…denied him. This happened after Discord became twisted by something in Jack’s possession.” She sighed looking back up at Discord with an apologetic look.

“Jack became far more reclusive than we would have liked, he devoted his time to researching, building or trying to improve Filliglade. At the time, he told us he renamed it ‘New Eden’ in honor of those whose lives had been lost. When he then disappeared for months for what he called ‘A Journey of Inspiration’, he returned different. Now, his once comforting smile was completely gone and he devoted himself to ONE project, day and night. Luna couldn’t penetrate his dreams, even as he slept as there was some kind of ‘influence’ there.” Celestia shuddered at this, looking away with shame on her face.

Luna from there picked up the story. “He finally opened up to me, showed one of his recordings of his journey, it was of the destruction of Minios the Minotaur Capital. We didn’t know the reason why it burned since he would not say…but we could FEEL that something horrid happened there.” She took a breath.

“It was two months later that the Minotaur ambassadors came requesting help from Equestria against a monster called ‘Handsome Jack’. The Kingslayer, they called him, he who commanded a giant named Saturn, which threw blasts of great power that ‘“was divine in its wrath”’. In mere minutes it left only corpses and craters in its wake, even against the mightiest of Minios’ armies.” She shuddered at the memory, breathing deep to steel her resolve.

“I attempted to convince my sister that he had his reasons, which we should listen to first before proceeding. Though, thinking about it now, it was around this time that a strange cloaked female appeared.” The illusion changed showing the encounter and how her words, even without proof, seemed to convince Celestia that Jack was a true monster. The female seemed to entrance the elder sister by regaling events involving Jack, even though he’s been here with the sisters for decades going on close to a century.

“We were eventually ‘convinced’, though I stayed out of the attack on Filliglade, as he had loyal ponies that loved him and worked for him. They had fled into his main structure and a powerful barrier activated. Celestia had to use a Solar Strike to breach it, though in doing so she also severely damaged the building’s facilitates…and all living within.” The image changes to Celestia flying inside.

“As Celestia flew to where Jack was, she witnessed the cloaked female reveal herself to be the same species as Jack, break something he was busy communing with by smashed it into his face. He cried out in agony, only for the female to disappear, Jack teleporting away before Celestia could stop him…”

The image changed to her leaving the facility, which soon after exploded much to her elder sister’s shock and horror. Both the armed forces and the civilians nearby were hit by the blast, and those who did live were dying, no matter how much healing magic was put into it.
Enraged and in denial, the scene showed Celestia marching up to Luna showing her the damage the explosion had done to their ponies, raving that Jack was just a monster like Discord, saying nothing of her own actions being the cause of the tragedy. A subdued Luna nodded slowly before the scene shifted yet again.

Now a lone hill was shown, with a picnic set beneath the night sky. The moon glowed brightly as the two figures visibly talked, the taller even complimenting her latest night sky. But it then showed her excuse herself, before moving to a now visible Celestia behind him. He made a soft chuckle as he is pointing at the moon, a forced smile visible from the side of his face.

“He spoke these words as he stood there, never turning around to face us, somehow knowing this would happen. ‘Well Luna, I honestly thought you had a shot at telling Celestia that she was being duped by the same guy that stranded me here years ago. Heck, he’d practically said to my face Discord’s favorite saying, “Where’s the fun in making sense?” I tell ya, neither of you’ve making any since I came back from that trip of mine. Still want to know why I trashed Minos? Here’s a hint, it had to do with a Coliseum and a tradition of slavery. You’ll figure the rest out…if you even bother.’ He cocked his head, and I saw a tear drop down his face. ‘Whelp, it was nice, having friends for once…ones who use to believe in me, at least. Discord didn’t betray my trust, or kill my employees, but then hey, who’s perfect right? At least I’ve got my ace in the hole, and Luna? This...was for you, keep it if you like.” An item was dropped on the ground the size of a ring box, when the Elements of Harmony struck Handsome Jack.

Celestia gathered herself now as Luna quietly wept and continued, though more reserved now. “It wasn’t until a year and a half later that the Zebras came to us, requesting help to rebuild their nation. What they’d lost was terrible, but they attributed their freedom to Smiling Handsome Jack, the Wrath of Vengeance, and He Who Came from the Stars and Ended the Tyranny of the Bulls. These were some of the revered titles they’d gave him for his heroics on their behalf, this revelation of his innocence only fueled my sister’s spiral to become Nightmare Moon. I myself finally accepted it was I who destroyed Filliglade, and in my horrified guilt retreated into my work much like how Jack had done… I only saw too late how foalish I was and hoped to fix my mistakes starting with returning what had been taken from him, then restoring him to beg his forgiveness. But…it didn’t work. Perhaps because he wasn’t from Equestria, the Elements’ effects would not undo themselves and his form remained stone. It was two days before I finally told Luna I’d given up, we could not free him, a statement which finally broke my sister…” She remained quiet from then on, letting each of them absorb the information as Discord broke the quiet.

“If things were different I might have been able to free him. Chaos magic doesn’t play by the normal rules, and it got me out of the Elements’ prison eventually even when I was so weakened. Sadly, I didn’t even know he was in the gardens when I first broke free, let alone alive. I was tempted to try finding his grave after I had my original fun in Ponyville…” his voice fades as he recalls what happened then.
“The reason why we both summoned you all here my litt-no my friends, is we wouldn’t put it pass him to try and invade Canterlot. He made his position clear, declaring his hate for ALL ponies, and we two in particular would be high on his list of betrayers. I ask of you to help fortify our-” The Throne Room doors burst open as a Royal guard rushed inside panting.

“Objects are FALLING from the SKY towards the NORTH!” Luna’s eyes widen more at a realization, before looking at Celestia. “He’s NOT coming for US!”

Hyperion Moon Base – Moonshot Command Room – Twenty minutes prior to said guard in canterlot.
*Handsome Jack’s Point of View*

Ugh... well that meeting was a complete cluster-fuck. I swear, ya leave for a measly millennium and everything goes the way of the bandits. Still, got more important things to worry about…let’s see here. Five load-outs of Surveyors, Constructors, Loader Bots, one squad of Jack Clones with repair gear, and 3 New-U Stations/Fast Travel units for easy access and respawn if necessary, I think that ought to do it. Seriously, all the women…well ‘females’ in my life have gotten all kinds of creepy lately. Still, better than a hot chick trying to kill me by punching my face in. Still, gotta thank Faust for making this new Minion Bot. Decently equipped, decent subroutine, and… “HEY JACK!! YOU LOOK LOST IN THOUGHT, BOSS OF MINE. PERHAPS, YOU MIGHT BE THINKING OF WAYS TO MAKE THOSE PONY P*$$&&$ PAY FOR BETRAYING YOU! IF SO, I WOULD LIKE TO SUGGEST THE TRIED AND TRUE METHOD OF…EXPLOSION!!!”

Surprisingly, a Minion sounding like Mr. Tourge is quite the spirit lifter these days. He helps keep me in shape, is REALLY good at pushing me without actually causing me harm, and knows when to turn on his explosion fetish for comedic effect. Of all the things to happen since coming back, he’s been the best so far. “Well Flexington, I think we’ll have some time for that later. Right now it’s time for us to get to work, after I leave for the surface, monitor the railways. Just so it’s clear for you, when I say monitor, I mean delay any train coming up this way be any non-lethal means necessary. I’d say take out the tracks and put up enough warning signs up that they can slow to a stop about half-way to the northern territories, which should slow them down for more than a couple days. That should also be long enough for me to reestablish my Duke status and set up a search for the real heir of the Empire. With luck, if any of the royal blood is alive, I can bring them around to our side again and get them on their rightful throne. If not…eh, I’ll chock this up as one of the few failures I seem to get these days…”

“SURE THING BOSS!! I’LL HAVE THE BOYS IN R&D RIG US SOME EXPLOSIVE SIGNPOSTS THAT’LL BE VISIBLE FOR MILES DAY OR NIGHT! THEN, WE’LL BLOW UP THE RAILWAYS JUST PAST GALLOPING GORGE, SO THAT THEY’LL BE FORCED TO GO TO VAHOOVER INSTEAD! ALL THE WHILE, WE’LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO MEET WITH THE LOCAL GOVERNEMENT IN VANHOOVER AS A TRAVELING CIRUS SHOW, AND FURTHER SLOW DOWN THE GOVERNMENT RESPONSE WITH A FREE FIREWORKS PERFORMANCE AND FAIR FOR THE NEXT 3 WEEKS!!! HOW’S THAT FOR FORWARD THINKING AND INITIATIVE ALL THE WHILE WITH ZERO LOSS OF LIFE!”

And its days like today that make me wish I really WAS the hero of this story. Here I have a Bot that is a total explosion nut, and finds a way to do things without hurting a single life despite that. By all accounts, I SHOULD be the good guy here, right? I know, just saying I am is not enough…it was never enough, either for myself or the “real” Jack…so why bother playing the hero? Especially when the good guy still gets the gun in the back? Maybe pride, maybe some screwed up morality…but me? Good, bad, I’m the guy with the kickass robot army…

And I’m itching for some payback, and because of Nightmare Moon and Faust, there's some serious 'thoughts' to enjoy before sleeping.

Winter Bites and The Iron Lich

Author's Note

Number of Edits: 5
Number of OC: 2
Metal Will By: Hekkar
Displaced: Iron Lich Asphyxious (first yay! be sure to read the end for the seventh chapter ^..^ Also do note he'll be in for half the next chapter here should prove nice to read)

Winter Bites and The Iron Lich

Winter Bites and The Iron Lich

The Crystal Empire – Western Watch Tower –ten minutes ago

*3rd Pony Perspective*

A crystal stallion stands alone while looking up at the sky. He is oddly tall for a pony, standing five feet, six-and-a-half inches from hoof to ear. As he holds his vigil, five projectiles from the sky fall within his range of vision. His coat of yellow-beige color bristles, and with a shake of his shaggy mane, he is moving to the nearest one. The pony is swift, his gate of a young stallion, despite what the salt and pepper color of his mane might suggest. Snow is kicked up as his tail trails behind him, much like his mane in color but far longer compared to the oddly short crop on his head. The dust and snow from the impact gets thicker as he approaches, his golden yellow eyes squinting to make out the point of impact. Slowing down, he moves his arm to his face, coughing lightly into it through his small, charcoal grey beard.

His attire consists of a black and yellow vest, a dull grey t-shirt and dark grey pants. Not the fanciest of cloths, but they serve the purpose of protecting his semi-muscular body. If his cutie mark was exposed, it would be a metal panel with what looks like a gun on it. Both of his legs and left arm look to have been replaced with cybernetics, the yellow and black color scheme clear. As he approaches the large container, he spares a moment to think of the still bound and knocked out guards at the gate. Shaking his head at the lax nature of the Crystal Guard, he leans against the Moon-shot container before activating his Echo. “Faust, reporting that targeting was off course by at least two miles due west. Whoever took that shot needs to have their targeting skills checked…or have someone check the launch mechanism, something was off. What are Jack’s orders?”

There was a static response before the silk A.I. voice of F.A.U.S.T. came in. The pony felt a slight shiver from how she spoke of Jack, or from the cold, some days he wasn’t sure. “In the likely chance that Our leader hath been delayed, thine orders are to first retake his estate. From there, thou shalt reset the location’s connection to the Fast Travel Network. Once this is secured, re-engage the gate systems and security to defend the property. Once completed, allow us remote access to thine cybernetic eye to monitor thine progress. Finally, once thou hast done all of this, attempt to secure the grounds where the Crystal Heart is located, thou art authorized to use any means necessary short of lethal force. There shall be NO RESISTANCE for Handsome Jack, understood?”

Taking a moment, the pony leaps onto the crate, opening it up to show two Surveyor Drones before giving his response. “Understood, I’ll roll out the welcome mat for the boss and report if there is trouble.” Leaping down, he secures a hover bike before speeding back for the city limits. As he moves across the tundra, he remotely sets one of the drone’s rounds to stun. Smirking slightly, he sets the drone’s names and purpose. Wolf shall be the name his attack drone, while the other without the stun rounds will be his healer, Saint. Moving forward, the pony makes his way towards Jack’s Crystal Mansion, and the first big change he’d witnessed since the destruction of Sombra.

It didn’t take long for the cyborg to return to the city, seeing no guard patrols at the border. Rolling his eyes, he rides carefully into the more abandoned districts. With a quick cover for the bike, he swiftly hoofs his way to the Hyperion District, only to come across guards from the Noble House Glory Shimmer. The Hyperion pony can only shake his head, seeing their sloppy meandering on the property only deepening the scowl on his face. Sending Wolf forward, he throws down a Quasar Grenade, causing all the guards in range to be pulled together while being hit with large amounts of shock damage. Lazily, he takes out a purple laser weapon, the name ‘Rosie’ on its side, then taking a few shots, the cryo element freezing many of the guards. Saint, meanwhile, provides him with an opaque shield, offset by Wolf stunning the few Pegasi who tried escaping by air.

He was mildly surprised by how weak they were, even when their opponent gave them a non-lethal ordinance handicap. It seems obvious to him that Equestrians have become rather pathetic since the Empire vanished all those years ago. ‘Maybe,’ the thinks to himself, ‘Jack will fix that so that I can finally find a challenge again.’ A slight tingling feeling from his left cybernetic arm reminds him of the four armed snow beast that took it. ‘A Bullymong was it?’ F.A.U.S.T. had some weird names for some of the creatures she’d pitted him against.

Getting his head back in the game, he leaped down to fuse their bracers together. That would keep them occupied, or at least out of the way, for some time after they regained consciousness. After that was done, he waved his I.D. Badge across the door’s scanner. The small, innocuous lens emitted a small light before the door clicked, allowing access inside. With an easy gate, he entered the open door, only for a barrier to activate when said portal closed behind. Knowing the security protocols, he kept his badge up, at least until the main control hub. In Jack’s office, he looks over at the imposing desk just as the cybernetic eye tingles. He realizes it’s remotely hacking from F.A.U.S.T.’s influence, enabling Helios to reconnect to the manor’s own mainframe.

Insumo1419’s edit end [No new editor currently]

Grunting after the control was released he started to hear F.A.U.S.T.’s voice over the speakers and the activation of the bots outside, along with a few horrified yelps of horror that barely drew a smile. “At least they know how to scream in terror as prisoners, though where would be the gate reset mechanism for my second objective?” an audible beep with that silken voice growled out about something before she responded.

“It would be in the rear end of the property also it seems like the BNK3R’s data for the Empire was on queue to be reconstructed here, at least we know it was not destroyed by idiots.” Seeing his internal map light up with a marked point he moved to the closest window to open it and jump out to reach his destination faster. Seeing no other resistance surprisingly must mean the only action was the front yard, as when he got to the terminal in question did he see a shadow coming onto him forcing him to roll back into a crouched armed position with ‘Fremington’s Edge’ within his grasp pointed at a yellow/orange coat Pegasus Stallion having a blue mane and tail, with a young cocky appearance. “I don’t know who you are or what those things you’ve brought but I am putting you under arrest for assault and imprisonment, if you call off your monsters I’ll go easy on you.”

Metal Will just blinked at what this colt just told him, he simply opened fired forcing the ‘light weight’ to dodge and get some distance for better cover as he carefully smashed the button on the console while using suppressive fire so his now materialized Surveyors will do the job as the gate warms up. “I’ll give you guts for coming up to Challenge Hyperion’s GREATEST WARRIOR, my name is Metal Will and those who go against Jack. WILL END UP FIGHTING ME!” He roared out at the end while reloading his clip seeing Wolf force him out of his original cover to avoid being shot at.

“I may not know who or what this Hyperion is or who this ‘Jack’ is either but it’s my job to arrest those who break the law! This isn’t even your home!” Metal Will just leveled a look at him feeling the urge to muzzle palm, before shooting towards where this guard’s head use to be poking out a mere moment ago. “I KNOW it’s not my home, it’s my BOSS’S home you filly!” That got the moment of confusion as the guard raised his head saying this.

“Wait what?-“ The hit from Wolf’s stun and Metal Will’s cryo setting made short work of the stallion giving him a nod until the reconstructed Hyperion BNK3R bot came to life with a roar of thrusters above the gate, it’s eyes looked in every direction before settling on Metal Will as it started to lift up into the air as he walked over to the frozen Pegasus guard knocking him over onto his back to keep his weapon leveled and ready having switched to incinerate.

“I would have said freeze, it would have been biting into your position. But if you are a good colt I might let you live, as I know you can hear me in there.” Shifting his eyes to see the BNK3R’s gaze shift to the gate with a Constructor being put together only for it to shift to a better patrol position of the compound, soon enough some of the loaders from up front ‘deposit’ the guards from House Glory Shimmer who looked pacified, their horns and usable legs were broken it seems to keep them from running away or possible teleportation.

The Frozen Tundra – Hyperion landing zone – Farther west than intended

*Jack’s Perspective*

Looking around at the night shown tundra I sighed as looking back to my Loaders and Body Doubles as they get the equipment ready to move out as I’d have to cover more than had intended, but at least I came prepared for the infighting with the nobles and if to be believed Metal Will was getting my estate secured as a deployment buildup while I’ll go for the Crystal Heart to try and locate where the crown is in hopes the royal line still had it. ‘Well jack old boy, hopefully this will be one of those rare peaceful walks before the real fun starts.’

The sound of a Missile Emplacement firing off from the north has me duck when it struck one of the containers making a somewhat large round hole in it, that made my eye TWITCH before the sound of barking was heard as a female growling voice came over my echo. “Surrender the stupid one named Jack! We dogs have metal pipes to shoot him with!” They had to be fucking kidding, also how did they get an echo let alone GUNS?!? A lot of beings are going to spend some quality time in Hyperion funeral boxes, some will be worse off than those if my gut is right…

Motioning my hand to the Constructors in the direction that shot came from I heard the unanimous “Arming Missiles” before all Tartarus broke loose, literally gunfire from whoever these fucks were was being aimed at ME!?! “I don’t care what you do, I want whoever’s leading this attack in my possession! NOBODY FUCKS WITH HANDSOME JACK AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!” Ducking finally as my mouth hung open at seeing them have missile emplacement too, as some of my doubles repair the constructor that was hit.

Equipping the LB1170.G Crimson Invader sniper within my grasp, aiming out into the snow drifts getting a good look at the dumb armored fucking bastards I’ll be putting under only to see organized Diamond Dogs wearing DAHL armor. That fact alone flabbergasted me only to than start pulling the trigger while offhandedly motioning the Loaders forward to break up their little ‘pow wow’ in the most gruesome way possible as I see some brain matter fly from that last headshot it seems.

They just might be enough to comical relief to make me vent my anger out on them, maybe I’ll take one of the dog bitches as a pet or if there is more than one just use them and reeducate them, seems there is only three among that pack there while thinking on it now added the order to capture the females and draw and quarter the males with a smile. “No one shoots at me and lives to tell the tale.” Saying this in almost a whisper squinting my eyes more with a gleam of hate, the eye color shift to purple going unnoticed as I purposely shoot a couple of them first in the crotch with a burst fire while taking moments to reload.

Their howling screams came with their own shots whizzed by me either hitting my shield or a couple of my Loaders while my doubles took to repairing and bolstering support until a glowing blue flame catches my eyes.

*Asphyxious perspective*

I just blinked at the near midnight Frozen Tundra around me, you're kidding me! I was just here like five minutes ago! I also had to find out just who the hell summoned me and had my token? It also looks like my armor turn back to it’s old colors to bad I was liking the new look. The sounds of gunshots drew my attention to a war zone around me and there were Diamond Dogs with guns, I kid you not, they had GUNS and ARMOR! I then saw one be turned into a mincemeat by a Hyperion yellow Loader Bot from borderlands.

Okay so that gives me an idea as to who could of been sent here but not who called me.

I looked around until I saw a group of armored dogs with ‘D.A.H.L.’ stenciled on it, looking at me and one of them had MY token being used as some kind of ornament on his helmet. I just stared at them before they all pulled out their guns and take aim at me, shaking and looking at each other before one spoke up.

"I told you that gem was cursed! Kill it with the big cannon!" One of them yells, I was about to try and talk them down when I saw one of them had a rocket launcher! Taking quick action I set fire to the lot of them, I felt sorry for them really then I took my token off the one who used it as part of their hat and saw he was still alive.

"I-I do-don't want ta.. d-die.." He croaked out from mortal burn wounds as he reaches out to me, I sadly sigh at the poor dog there was nothing I could do for him or I could take his soul. I saw the dog get stepped on a moment later from that thought by a yellow metal ‘foot’ looking up into the Loader bot who then looked at me.

"Target acquired." It said, I then stabbed the thing in the eye with my staff and pulled it’s gun arm off with my free hand causing it to fall onto the ground. I left it there on the floor twitching like a bug struck by lightning then looked at the gun in it’s robot hand if I had lips I'd be smiling mine now. Once I took the gun from the bot hand I then saw a man walking over to me, five of them in fact, that all looked like handsome jack. Fuck this could be bad.

*Handsome Jack’s Perspective*

Having seen the rest of those damned mutts run off into the night, one of my fears was confirmed when picking up a helmet seeing the stenciled ‘D.A.H.L.’ on its side before throwing it onto the ground and pointed at some of my doubles to try and gather what gear these damned mutts had.

Refocusing my attention back onto the strange armored Individual with four of my doppelganger jacks followed close to me, as I walked up carefully in view to whoever or whatever this thing was, the thought of zombie experiments of some quack came to mind as the first words that came out of my mouth COULD have been stated much better for a first impression.

“Please tell me you are not some science experiment by some nut trying to bring back the dead using random bits of tech from a interstellar corporations’ junk pile.” The urge to face palm was nigh if he just simply tries to lunge at me too like those burnt fucks, taking a calming sigh before continuing. “If not than what or who are you? Because knowing my luck there is a-” I Inhale breath for this part. “-SADISTIC BASTARD OUT THERE WATCHING ME RIGHT NOW! I KNOW YOU ARE YOU SICK FUCK!”

It may have been a bit crazy to anyone else but I knew better than to ignore my paranoia when it came to strange shit or ‘coincidences’ from my stone ‘vacation’, you’d be surprised by half the shit that can be gleaned if you focus right. By this point my eyes reverted back from an unnatural purple to ocean blue with my attention soon turned back to him as he seemed to have taken the moment to speak up after my ‘rant’.

"My name is Asphyxious the Iron Lich and if you can call undead being's under the control of a dragon in the void then no I am not a science experiment. Also can I keep these?" He say as he points at the rocket launcher next to the burned bodies and the SMG in one of his hands.

Looking at what he’s holding and mentioned to on the ground I just give him a smile saying this in response while pointing to the Loader Bot he wrecked. “Sure if you are willing to buy them also repay me for damages to my property there by helping me out for a bit as I know mutts like those will regroup after a while, also how did you even get here?” I said pointedly at the now Iron Lich while still keeping some distance due to the same paranoia about the unknown and not just get in huggable range.

The voice throwing off my attention for a moment was F.A.U.S.T. on my Echo with that synthetic silken voice. “Handsome Jack, are thou alright? From thermal readings there was increased activities around thy self, thou shalt had stayed behind while we had the more subtle groundwork laid out. Also there was a temporary rip in our reality that an unknown magical signature appears to be near thou now.” There was concern in her tone as the Hyperion machines almost uniformly looked at Asphyxious that would have unnerved most individuals with the sensation as something older was looking at him through every single robotic eye now.

“Okay, Faust meet my ‘possibly’ new associate ‘Asphyxious the Iron Lich’-“ before he finished a Badass Angelic Guard bot placed a ‘hand’ on Jack’s shoulder defensively with F.A.U.S.T. speaking through it in a neutral tone. “We have identified and made a library listing of the being, our sensors detect Necrotic magics in play that have been recorded used by another individual by name of ‘Sombra’ from the crystal empire, current orbital images shown that there have been now name marked ‘DAHL Dogs’ having been active in this region for at least two decades before the empire’s return which had made them go quiet until now.” She finished the explanation by lastly saying this curtly. “We are named F.A.U.S.T. and readily protect Jack from threats imposed.”

"Wait did you just say sombrero has Necrotic magic, as in necromancy? You know what how about I help you deal with him and that will be my pay for the stuff that good with you jack?” He asks as he put his spear in a holster on his back.

Asphyxious then looks around at the battle field of dead dogs before looking back at me. "You won't mind if I cast a spell do you? It won't take me long. By the way nice to meet you Faust."

Upon hearing him say that the Badass Angelic Guard releases my shoulder looking into its eye before looking back at him. “Well I would shake your hand on it but I would air on the side of caution here and speaking of Sombra what happened to that prideful fucker? Oh and sure you can cast your spell just don’t point that crap at me.” The said Badass Angelic Guard bot looks back with F.A.U.S.T. replying with a calm tone as if it were normal like the weather being spoken about. “Going on current projections his essence has been recollecting in the Crystal Mountains where a possible ‘Billymong’ nesting ground is, current projections shows he will not be a viable threat or attack for two months depending on weather conditions or figurative mental state.” She replied through the synthetic voice.

“...Yeah, first thing I NEED to do is deal with reinstating the Royal Crystal Family to the throne if any of the daughters are alive and in hiding. But if you stick around for that, we’ll be squared off. I'd want to know more about your end, since shit is crazy enough as is.” I said pointing east towards the crystal empire while continuing after getting a thumb’s up from one of my doubles as the constructors sent the materials back. “I’m on my way to kick some traitorous asses, find any possible living royal family and free my imprisoned Crystal Hyperion Branch employees that will be set right. But I suspect our walk won’t be easy by the terrain.” Finishing that off with a look as some details of trenches glint in the night with a few glows and distant yapping.

Asphyxious was in the middle of casting his spell as blue fog rises off of all the dead bodies before he looks at us. "Wait back up did you say you was about to attack the crystal empire? Also daughters? That wasn't in the show, wait a second." He then looks back to his spell as the fog was being drawn into some kind of lanterns hanging on his hips.

"And that’s the last of them. Hey I just want to know some things, number one have you met any other displaced? Number two is what is going on I'm kind of just got here thanks to being summoned here by the dogs who had my token." He pulls out a gem then show it to us it had some kind of drawing on it, that was until the angel bot took it for safe keeping.

Sighing as I waved my hand to get the Constructors to dismantle the moonshot containers while giving explanations on some things. “Alright, the Crystal Empire before some twisted traitorous FUCK took it over. Had a king and three daughters, the eldest Princess Glitter Stone, the middle daughter Crystal Heart and the youngest Dark Jewel. The last news I had heard was the eldest either disappeared, went into hiding or got offed by him, Crystal Heart fled the empire but no one knew where, Dark Heart wasn’t so lucky and ended up being that fucker’s ‘wife’.” Taking a moment he sighs rubbing his nose in some frustration before continuing.

“Long story short two of my former best friends curb stomped him to near oblivion but he took the empire with him, I wanted to try researching on methods of bringing it back but I was refused because some things in my possession made my buddy discord go crazy. We had to turn him to stone but that’s beside the point since those whorse cunts did the same to me when I did the right thing. The last thing as for current events was my Stoney self was extracted when some ‘Lord Tirek’ went to try wrecking the white on white castle, that’s another thing can you believe they renamed my statue Pride?! WAS MY REAL NAME NOT GOOD ENOUGH OR DID SOME ASSHOLE WANT IT THAT?!?” Taking several heated breaths of frustration followed by grunted pain as I rubbed my face the larger Badass Angelic Guard bot injected fluids through a needle into my neck allowing the pain to die down.

Slow dawning horror struck my face as I turned to look at Asphyxious.“What do you fucking mean I am in some show?” My eye was twitching from anger and my body shook slightly even under a calming agent, just goes to show that I had a lot of anger issues. “Let me guess you’re not just referring to yourself when saying ‘Displaced’ are you?” Groaning as I slapped my false face going full face palm, deluxe edition of frustration evident.

I sighed looking to ready myself, try to mentally state my current ‘mission’. ‘Current agenda is to march over there, kick some asses. See what can be done and use The Crystal Heart to locate the Nearest Bloodline in the City State, if successful I’d be able to reinstate my status of Duke and get any of the three or Glitter’s child if alive onto the throne. I know that there are FOUR alicorns, not sure if there are any others but I know they are not even HALF as old as the Royal Sisters are. For all I know those other two could have been their children!’ I seem to just notice anger induced rants often more times brings up my near crippling head trauma each time as yet again that needle goes into my neck.

Asphyxious looks as is his trying to cover his mouth and not laugh if he had one he the bust out laughing, just what the hell was so funny? He then takes a deep breath then looks right at me. "Okay what I'm about to tell you will most likely piss you off even more so take a seat. See all this now cut out all the stuff from the borderlands video games and you get a tv show called My Little Pony. Following me so far? Good." He says as he started to ‘walk’ pacing in front of me.

"You like many other humans went to ever anime con, comic con, gaming con it doesn't matter you was sent to Equestria after buying something from a guy called the merchant. I got this info from Dante so there no telling how much info is missing. Point is you’re not alone and there more than just one Equestria I should know this is the second one I've been to." Asphyxious then stop as he somehow put the smg in hand on to the chain around his waist.

The next few minutes or so of it just me, sitting on a cold rock, both hands against my face with my elbows on my knees. It all felt like another big fucking joke before I raised one hand to the sky giving the finger to the viewer’s perspective in hopes to show enough ‘depth’ of how much I hated the bastard who was looking down at me with glowing creepy purple irises. “Ya know, having to deal with my shit is bad enough. So like a respectable man I’ll ask this first, how in the fuck did you get here and can I do the same thing?”

Lifting my head up now to look him in the face as I felt the similar nostalgia of the ‘are you fucking with me’ coming on before repressing it with another question. “Is my shit worse than yours by any slightest chance? Because I know for a fact that something called ‘The Merchant’ doesn’t exist in Borderlands, unless it was the fucker who kidnapped me long ago. I even remember the thing giving a whole showy ‘introduction’, calling itself something else.” Having completely ignored the Iron Lich adding the SMG to his chains. “Also are you getting hit on by anthro locals, a nightmare personified and MAYBE a fully sentient twisted A.I. you made using the remains of an Alicorn named Faust and three Draconicus?” taking the time to pause to think.

Quickly adding onto the end there before he spoke saying this. “For the facts no I did not do that necromancy bullshit, no offense intended. I used the preserved DNA and magical signatures and focused it towards the first while rebuilding her from my tech and magic research division.”

Asphyxious just stared at me for what felt like hours he then start to drum his metal fingers on his cheek bone. He then sighed as he rubs the top of his head. "I got to say yours sound pretty bad, at least you didn't get locked in the dark for 900 years then get attacked by zombie ponies. Then found out your book that has all the knowledge in the world to make an army of Necrotic undead monster's all under the commanded of a dragon who wants to kill his kin and everything else... And some other stuff that take too long to explain so. I think we both got the bad end of the deal. Also have you seen any killer plants coming out of the Everfree? Coz I'm nowhere near this point in time yet."

I just looked at him before saying this out loud, knowing F.A.U.S.T. will get one of the constructors to make it. “Faust, can you load any and all video surveillance starting from before the Summer Sun Celebration festival up until after Tirek’s bullshit? If he’s right about this than maybe your creepy stalker methods of gathering information will help my Associate here, on another note would you enjoy future business or aid from Hyperion on my behalf? On the conditions of some form of payment be received as I am running a business, also how do I make that thing that brought you here?”

Pointing at the carved gem in the angel’s hand, as I see a Holo player finish being made with marked crystals in a Hyperion Branded Case in numerical order that can be inserted like CDs. “You use magic too right? What would you think about a taste of Eridium, it’ll likely give you a temporary power boost though it’s a purple glowing ingot that I’m proud to be the genius on how to make it and other products.” Blinking a moment at being given something else as well. “Faust why did you give me an Acquisition Beacon too?”

“We believe it appropriate that it would be an Acquisition Beacon if it was to summon if estimation of matching signatures from the gem to individual.” The last part she said in what felt like a cordial business tone.

"Ya that thing could work as a token and I wouldn't mind getting my hands on some Eridium only if you found a way to not have any of the side effects. I'd also love to do business with you tell me do you take gems? As it the only thing I can use for cash right now." Asphyxious said as he takes the Holo player. "Say can this thing work as an ECHO? Oh my god... CAN I CALL ZERO ON THIS THING?!" He started taping everything to see what happens.

“Will you stop that?! I do NOT want to deal with any of those fuckers because, LOOK AT ME!” Waves hands over myself to make it clear. “What do you expect they would do when seeing me? Invite me to tea? NO!” A loader bot smack’s the iron lich’s hands away from the device before sighing I was about to continue when F.A.U.S.T. spoke up again leaving her reply with only more questions.

“We believe when thou may use the device similar to thy own, there would be a chance it would summon Handsome Jack, Our self or a Claptrap unit.” The things she does at times makes me wonder if I made her too well or that she could come up with enough situations to have prepared for anything. THAT is creepy/cool and might pale her Stalker methods of information gathering.

“We have also uploaded a message to be played that we felt was fitting to thine wishes jack.” There’s that sentient response of ‘felt’ or emotions I’ve been getting from her since my return, makes me wonder if she’s pretending to be semi sentient or not so she doesn’t scare me. You know that would make a lot of sense, but onto the subject at hand! “...Right, let’s just play this message to see shall we?” I said this as a loader bot activated a actual advertisement button from being put into play mode.

This message is brought to you by Hyperion interstellar Corporation on behalf of Handsome Jack, we take this time out of your busy schedule to make it known of possible business opportunities! By activating this Beacon you have in your possession one of THREE suitable personnel may be called forth, First being the C.E.O. of Hyperion itself Handsome jack, second would be the Unit F.A.U.S.T., third and least would be Claptrap who may cause bouts of frustration due to lack of experience. When called for assistance do take note that Hyperion requires compensation for requests and/or purchases of Hyperion Branded equipment.

I just smiled and blinked at that before having it given to The Iron Lich, only to ask this now. “Wait do I have to make one of those fuckers every time someone drops by?” I made a exasperation expression with sliding my hand down my façade of a face, that’s going to be a pain to set aside unless F.A.U.S.T.’s already done that just from this conversation alone.

"Yeap." Said Asphyxious as he just wiggles his fingers in the air then put the device in his rib cage? "So I can't call anyone else up or call up Zero just to say how cool he is on this thing right?" I'm not sure how but I think he trying to give me the puppy dog eyes, not really working but its just creeping me out. Also I get the feeling he is a fanboy, by the way he was just talking then again he could slow them down if they show up, or talk them to death.

He might have been trying to be humorous saying this. "Also back to the being hit on thing not likely no sex drive or the body parts for it. So not going to happen." Trying to get the weird mental image out of my brain now sends a shiver down my spine, note to self avoid the undead in hopes they don’t try to eat/rape just in case.

Sighing as I try to wave the topic off before motioning him to follow me towards the direction the Crystal Empire is. “Well you stop being a ‘fanboy’ when the actual vault hunters show up to try MURDERING you. NOW I have to deal with other companies crap tech having been learned or is being used by the local population for one, like these dogs! Whoever is organizing them I will make them die for whatever reason they thought to put a bounty on my head. Maybe spend a minute pissing on their corpse just to hope they feel it from death.” I actually smiled at the end before seeing a bit more of what I’ll have to walk through.

“Fuck my life or better yet, you up there asshat!” Taking a moment I point out the trench warfare these mutts have set up that reminds me of some world war pictures, with some railroad tracks a mile beyond those quite possibly. “Faust, Tell Mr. Flexington I need a little of his ‘Explosive’ personality used on what’s ahead of me because I don’t think we’ll get there in a timely fashion if not.” I could already see them gearing up down there from the stragglers that dug back while having talked to my need associate.

"No promises if we meet Gaige or Maya I am giving those cuties a hug." Said the Iron Lich sounding all too happy about meeting the vault hunters, on the other hand I can only hope they start shooting at him then me.

“Of course Handsome Jack, do brace for moonshot strikes in the capable servos of Unit Torgue for any explosive operation of any magnitudes. We would caution about exposure during said strike against possible fragmentation debris.” To which I hid rather well behind the closest boulders, already seeing the faint first signs of a strike incoming and yelling at my apparent new ‘friend’. “Take cover or lose what you have!”

The Moonbase – Moonshot Control – ten or so minutes before Jack’s ‘Request’

*Mr. Flexington’s Perspective*

F.A.U.S.T.’s been giving off a lot of instructions earlier, boss man seems to be in some trouble due to some misalignment of the targeting. Though luckily enough we got that claptrap fired out to an odd spot in space as F.A.U.S.T. ordered so that glitch is fixed and some PROPER EXPLOSIONS can happen now!

The coordinates are set, targeting is prime and focused, the ‘lower’ grade stuff loaded in the next seven shots and all I got is TARGETS! “THE BOSS MAN WANTED EXPLOSIONS, HE’LL GET THEM IN SPADES!” Slamming down on the firing sequence got the first shell rolling out the Moon Shot like thunder, around this time that tall busty black alicorn pony came in wearing a form fitting yellow Hyperion Suit wondering what’s got me shaking her moon at this time of their night.

Smiling at the screen that shows more than sixty visible targets saying this. “BOSS MAN IS IN A PICKLE SO I AM BRINGING THE EXPLODING RAIN!” It took her a moment before rushing up to the screen to see what I mean as she said this louder than ME! “WHAT DOTH THOU MEAN INSOLENT METAL WHELP THAT OUR JACK BE IN HARMS WAY?!? WHOM WOULD DARE TRY TO DO BATTLE WITH NIGHTMARE MOON’S COLTFRIEND!” She was givin’ off those major exploding vibes before i pointed towards where jack and those he went down with were, then towards the armored D.A.H.L. Dogs.

She narrowed her gaze at the weird floating undead thing named Asphyxious who was taking cover with boss man as the next shells were firing off where I've pointed them at with the first one making a big impact at the center, i think a lot of those ponies are going to see the sky brighten up for a bit, FROM MY EXPLOSIVE LIGHT SHOW! Taking a pose with a pair of shades now over my optics for that ‘cool’ factor boss man told me about.

Dogs of DAHL, Crystal Train and Rolling Thunder

Dogs of DAHL, Crystal Train and Rolling Thunder
The Crystal Tundra - West of the Crystal Empire - moments before first impact
[Third Dog Perspective]

The night winds were howling, survivors of raiding dog party three came back saying they found the stupid one named jack for bounty of gems if caught or dead, that put a lot of excitement into this band of dogs whom were originally preparing to take the crystal empire and enslave the crystal ponies to get them endless gems! The joy of getting the bounty AND enslaving crystal ponies only to distract them from the possible danger that the scouting party survivors kept whimpering about.

But they were D.A.H.L. DOGS, one of the lesser clans in it true but still mighty for how they have trained hard and learned the value of these cannons and protective armor from weak pony weapons. The only troubles were from those Red Lance griffins when pushing at their territory, still dogs thought they were superior due to flying metal pipes that keep them from flying in. They would often scoff at whatever would be STUPID enough to come and fight them even in their own element!

It will be marking the first greatest Dog Clan tragedy shying greatly from the first D.A.H.L. and Atlas’s Red Lance conflict dispute, which they still fight outside pony territories to avoid sun pony’s wraith and doom all. Soon enough all the dogs would start perking their ears up at a strange loud but sort of familiar whistling and burning noise, it only took one dog to look up and blanch in horror before trying to dig down for the first Moon Shot strike to hit!

Chaos was everywhere and burning dog hair and flesh! But the worse sight of all when seven more of these strikes came, a face seen on the bounty parchments stood tall with a scary floating metal dead thing behind with Loaders bearing Hyperion’s mark. Most of the Clan Company was struck down by surprise from those strikes but those whom could still fight attempted to push them back with bullets and cannons. Though the sense of dread came worse when more jacks and his machines rolled over them, spraying blood and gore in their wake while those further back field stripped everything off.

The Crystal Express – Royal Compartment – Earlier
*Princess Celestia Perspective*

Sighing lightly looking at my sister Luna, my adoptive niece cadence as her husband Shining Armor sit across from us in our seating while my former student and her friends were talking in the seats just beyond ours at this time. “I truly hope Jack isn’t going to attack the crystal empire, as I do hope some of the things he said are not true as well. We should have done a formal investigation just to be sure back then, it was rather naive that everything would have gone smoothly after defeating Sombra.” Feeling Luna’s hand on my arm was somewhat comforting but my gaze fell onto Cadence and Shining for what’s to come.

Taking a calming breath before putting on my serene face looking at a now straitened Cadence. “Niece, did you or Shining Armor do anything except wholly claim an ‘offered’ position of power without due diligence in finding any connecting royal line, of a neighboring foreign country?” Luna of all ponies present could see how my eye must have twitched a millimeter when my niece gave a sheepish smile not even meeting my gaze, it’s moments like these that are not too uncommon that makes me think back on how GOOD me and my sister had it with Jack and Starswirl keeping stupid actions of others at bay, no matter their own personal squabbling over any issues.

Turning my gaze to Shining Armor having expected better from him only to make the poor stallion wither under my gaze when he looked at his wife for help, only to force a hesitant stoic expression in a sitting position to respond. “No your majesty as we got- sidetracked by other issues and had fallen into the trap of imminent forced leadership.” He must had gotten cues from Cadence by that slight pause, at least their marriage is strong so that will be a plus if things go badly at the empire.

Though looking at Luna when she squeezed my hand I thought it was to lay off on our niece, until that is she acted as if having a migraine from rubbing her forehead with the free hand. “Luna is something wrong?” She nodded softly, sighing as she spoke up once more before scrunching her face in pondering. That look has always been adorable from my younger sister. “I believe good sister there were tiny shocks from my moon, seven of them that felt different slightly from the others earlier.” Looking back on it in thought a question came to mind.

“Luna?” She looked to us having cleared her possible migraine with a spell we had cast, giving a look in question. “Did you feel anything even for a moment when jack spoke to us earlier during the tail end of his conversation? Also before the guard reported of objects falling towards the empire?” Luna gave a nod before her eyes widened, we smiled as we came to the same conclusion when the words Luna said all but confirmed my thoughts. “The Moon Shot. He wasn’t merely naming it after us, he built something on my moon!?!”

Giving a nod before looking back as to why he chose the spot for his ‘date’ with Luna the night we used the elements on him could have been to surprise her, which is also why nightmare said she WASN’T alone for a thousand years. I knew he was brilliant before but to build something not on equis is astonishing, but that bit of his company being an interstellar business seemed so ludicrous at the time. Except the only evidence of alien life was him and what he made in secret, no matter how much I had begged and whined like a filly.

Though our further ‘semi private’ conversation was broken when a winter prepared alicorn Twilight Sparkle appeared, at our seating area, with a shimmering expression I have mistakenly overly encouraged when she was a filly learning under me. It is rather shocking that she and her brother are from Starswirl’s bloodline, though that brings up another question. Did jack ever consider dating? Was it some sort of social taboo? Why am I only now at times such as this, missing that handsome ‘dangerous’ smile?

Sighing before look at cadence as she gives me a strange look that blossoms into a smile, what is she going to try and do to weasel out of this? “Well my dear loving sister twilight, it seems the very alien-” Cadence was interrupted by oddly enough, discord, Luna and myself with the same wording. “Jack! Jack… Jack.”

Though admittedly only one of three were cheerful saying this while I and Luna were slightly angered by the disrespect oddly enough as another thing we agree on. “...Jack, whom to my aunts discovered. Seem to have done something nopony or being on equis before having been quite impossible, building anything stable off of Equis, anypony could utterly guess as for what was made up there let alone what contributions a Nightmare Being could have contributed.”

She chose her words carefully to not hurt my sister nor upset me, but the question brought up some obvious thoughts. Though I will get back to that subject of your actions niece and shining armor later. They can likely see it written on my face before continuing, with a calming tone to not incite panic or delusions that could paint jack in a darker light. “Well perhaps he simply made a home up there away from every being because of all that has happened. I was there for Luna when she returned so surely we who know him best, who can be there for him.”

We all started thinking on it, perhaps for what kind of dwelling would he craft for himself. Maybe it will be like the ‘mansion’ he had in flliglade… Hanging my head a bit more at that, made me feel as if I was a horrid pony again, so young and blinded by youth and aggression when I should have seen a very important ‘man’ who treated us like normal ponies.

HE made me feel normal, he gave us the gift of friendship. Back then he would have represented the meanings of the elements in his own weird ways, his smile and laughter, his kindness towards others no matter their station or species, generosity towards those who truly needed it, his loyalty to us his friends and those who needed protection, his honesty despite the occurrence of what transpires and finally in his own weird way yet again his ‘magic’ as silly as it sounded then had wormed it’s way into my rapture filled heart back then as yet I held back for Luna.

It’s funny how it could have been either of us who became corrupted by the nightmare when we couldn’t free jack, I so desperately wanted to let go and vent yet I had to be the big sister and stay strong for us and our ponies. But sadly Luna fell into depression from losing jack then rage at me and our ponies who didn’t put us on equal pedestals putting me above her when I kept telling her that it wasn’t true, in the end the nobles got what they wanted at a terrible cost. Jack would have laughed his flank off from how he would have said ‘their just deserts’ which we are having now.

Though it was Shining Armor who brought up a military suggested questions. “If he had a home of any sort made there why would he need a ‘moon shot’ that could double as a military resource? We all saw just one impact did to the Everfree Forest, those things that came down from the sky were bigger than troop carriages side by side with pegasi pulling each let alone the speed. With these loyal ‘loader bot’ troops couldn’t he deploy them anywhere desired? What about those who could issue such orders in his absence?” He was providing good points, we had to spend a good amount of time trying to calm down the citizens, because of his ‘put the fear of the gods’ into our little ponies.

But something out of all of this made this thought horrifying, he could literally strike anywhere on the world of Equis from what he has on the moon. Or more horrid a thought the nightmare could or her own mother, it was a deafening shock for Luna and I to SEE her alive and working with jack out of anybeing. It only made my mind run wilder from being upset that she was hiding for all this time leaving us to fight and rule in her stead, to being possibly alone with jack and keeping this advanced knowledge safe in her hands. When us, her own daughters hunted him down like a monster when he never struck back.

It may only be me, my sister Luna and discord who knew how powerful she is. Yet when she spoke so strongly to us in the throne room, it was like she wasn’t even considering us, only jack was her priority for reasons I know not why. Though I do remember her telling somepony how she considered jack to be like and odd colt to her, somebeing who needed a family to make things alright in the end. He may not have been a prince of title and birth but in heart he was, that was all it took for mother in most cases like jack, she even embarrassed us in saying we should form a herd and tie jack down to keep other mares off him.

Perhaps if we could arrange a formal meeting with jack things could be talked out, I know he had a bit of a temper back then for those who deserve it. But if he could offer us a chance, maybe we will have him open up again, if the meeting fails or couldn’t be arranged, maybe we could try to trust discord. Not alone ever again that is for sure, or worse jack’s current angered state might get the apologetic draconicus to once again turn against us. That would truly shatter what fragile relationships he is attempting to fix from tirek’s twisted words giving false promises. I won’t be the first pony to deny that I haven’t done such a thing but-

It was at this point I felt Luna tugging slightly and shifting with a growing furious blush, I was so distracted that I ignored everypony looking outside the windows from fiery glows in the north from seven spots only to confirm what happened, but the question is was jack there in my mind until Luna sent this thought to me.

‘Sister, I do not know why but I am feeling anger, lust and pride that brings up images of jack for some reason. Perhaps it is the nightmare who we are sharing this feeling from? It is impossible to understand what she is thinking but it involves jack and some action, we fear her desires are that of the carnal nature. Whatever jack has done we feel the rush of battle, surge of lust and protective nature clash and mix.’

Looking thoughtful seeing the others were distracted by the glow in the distance even taking note that the train had shifted track perhaps heading to Vanhoover instead of the empire, when it was brought up by cadence a crystal guard came in from the front to say this. “We are sorry your majesties but we have to detour through Vanhoover to get around several hazards on the original line, it seems like somepony destroyed the tracks and even put up warning signs.” That earned a deadpan from me knowing it is a delay tactic from jack, having likely set up more to slow us down for what he is doing.

“Be sure to have somepony observe for future obstructions, they are likely tactics to slow the trip we are undertaking. Buying more time for Whatever Activity that Jack and Hyperion has planned.” My niece and Shining Armor gave each other a look and seeing from how they reacted, I will have to keep an eye on them both to ensure they don’t attack him. That’s if what we saw is anything related to him near or in the city, he isn’t normally one for flare but there could have been somepony who set him off, he did mention something about being a noble of some kind there which might be another reason for his actions.

A smile bloomed on my face that drew confused looks from everypony, though it was my student who asked the question first as everypony watched my reaction. “Pri- I um, Celestia what are you smiling for?”

Looking at her as she must have been shocked by perhaps too joyful a smile, in this circumstance it would be odd to most parties. “I believe I know the reason WHY jack chose the crystal empire for his first action, like rainbow dash being the element of loyalty, he is LOYAL to a friend or those under his protection. Since he was the first being to have the crystal ponies come out of isolation long ago when we had founded Equestria, he to my knowledge nonchalantly mentioned he underwent a ceremony of some sort. From one of the ‘reports’ from you twilight, had sent about the crystal empire’s customs it would only made sense if he was given nobility.” That got a blink out of everypony before Luna’s eyes widening cutely to me.

Cadence took this moment to speak up at this point with disbelief. “So he would be technically a citizen of the crystal empire? So maybe as princess I can get him to stand down and turn himself over to you, shiny could detain any of his troops or things for safety too.” That earned a muzzle palm thankfully from my sister Luna before shaking her head no, giving what I was alluding to earlier. “What my sister means is that Jack would openly DENOUNCE your claim to the throne, rally the subjects with his ‘loader bots’ assistance to throw you both out. Then find the pony likely to suit that position, if not he or any of the highest ranking nobles would have a chance to claim the throne. Rights of succession are BRUTAL there.” That earned a shiver from most of everypony including discord.

The Crystal Tundra - Ruined D.A.H.L. Forward Base - After Moon Strikes
*Asphyzionus Perspective*

I was just staring at all the flames and craters as far as the eye could see, when those strikes from the sky came down from the moon! It was just. So. AWESOME! I didn’t scream that out, I didn’t want to tick off Jack more than I already did. As we made our way through the dog gore and remains that were filling these trenches, as he calls it ‘fertilizer’. To me it looked more like a massacre and impromptu graveyard in one go. Like he was thinking the world was going to come along and say ‘Hey heads up we’re going to dump everything on you, so good luck’. I saw loader bots walking in and out of the places with pieces of guns or equipment to constructors for removal.

It surprisingly didn’t take long to get through what with no resistance and the howling cries of dogs being gunned down in the background, there was a strange glint in jack’s eyes when he looked at the fires. That was until he spoke up. “Have you ever destroyed a capital to a foreign country before? I have, to those slaves I saved they called me a hero, ‘Smiling Jack’! I ordered one of my larger Loader Bots named Saturn to do these exact words in my livid state of mind. ‘Destroy ANY forces in your path and then LEVEL Minos, I want that spot to be fucked beyond memory’. When I look at sights like this, it makes me think back to bad times like those. I was enslaved on a diplomatic journey spreading the name of Hyperion to all whom would welcome me.” Looking back at me there wasn’t any life in his dim blue eyes giving a chuckle.

“Sounds heavy…” Was all I could think to say to all that I then looked to one of the dead dogs. “Do you really need to kill all of them?” I asked as another dog was killed off somewhere crying about its foot being shot off, that was worrying...

He gave what looked to be a trademark smirk glancing in the direction I did before replying in kind as his voice lacked most of its former emotion. “Well kiddo, from what some of my bots have been recording from documents. I was either to be brought in dead or alive to them, did you know it’s easier to bring in a corpse than a live one?” He looked back into my eyeless skull as he took a few more steps to reach the edge leading to the train tracks.

I sighed at this that was just great, he is just as bad as he was in the video game. I followed him on to the train station well one things for sure it looked a little like the one I saw in my world. The one thing I didn’t get was the odd writing all over the place.

“Jack what is all this?” I asked as I looked over it with my glowing eye.

Looking back at me to survey the ‘damage’ that use to be a base of some kind before looking in the direction of the crystal empire, finally back at me to say this. “Possibly some type of forward base, from the missiles they had they could easily hit the place from here and the gear they have could have easily rolled over the guard to take the place. Did you know dogs love gems? Well, being Crystal Ponies they make or grow them. Since it isn’t uncommon for them to enslave ponies, I would say they were going to hit the place to either take the empire or foalnap ponies.” Giving a final nod seeing confirmation of one intact missile pointed towards our direction.

“I don’t get it, the dogs I met were nothing like this. Who is giving them orders? Have you try talking things out with them. Not only that but why do they want you anyway?” I let out a growl to myself would these dogs really want to enslave the Crystal Ponies, I didn’t like this not one bit.

Getting a flat look in return to hear him say this to me. “Well from what you told me, these ‘Displaced’ end up in either near mirrors of each other, or something fundamentally changes the environment. I am technically an Engineer, I build things and break things just the same as anything else here. But the facts of where I am right now is a BIG contrast to YOURS, as for who or what is giving the orders I have no fucking idea. Imprisonment in stone gives you little time to get the news if any, this is my first fucking time meeting these mutts so hell do I know why they wanted me! They were trigger happy at just seeing me.” Groaning as he slid a hand down his face until a couple bullets struck his shield making him dive for cover.

I on the other hand looked around for where the shot came from until I got hit in the shoulder and get into cover with Jack. “Wow you can feel the love out here, can’t you?” I asked in a joking manner, taking a peek only to cause more shots to ring out making snow fly up.

Getting a deadpan response from jack as he says this before stopping himself from possibly slapping me up the side of the head. “Well some fucker doesn’t have the god damned courtesy for a reach around or even a hello before shooting at me, I bet you it’s the base leading mutt or some bullshit like that.” That was until a feminine voice reached our ears of a young teenager that sounded familiar.

The sound of a thruster came closer as she spoke up. “Ew, ew, ew. Deathtrap carry me on your shoulder, we got a douche named Handsome Jack to slag and that zombie piss smelling thing to kill.” Another shot near we were hitting got her attention apparently told us what might be going on. “Thanks for pointing them out Zero! Let’s turn them into jelly Deathtrap!” He looked at me with a face that said it all, pointing at me then a thumb towards the voice saying this. “I blame your non-existing ass for this.”

Taking a look from cover showed me cute Gaige, red stunning pigtailed hair with goggles resting on her bangs. Piercing green- purple? eyes, a bandage on her right cheek with freckles showing off her beauty as she wore a sleeveless hoody with her left robotic arm shown holding onto her deathtrap’s shoulder while her skirt just barely hid her panties. “God I wish I was still human…” While I just notice now she is pointing a handgun at me with a smile. “For an undead thing you sure are dumber than anything else I’ve seen, which only makes it easier to kill you and get at jack over there.” When mentioning his name her eyes flashed purple gaining a sadistic grin.

I looked back to Jack only to see he is gone. ‘You son of a bitch.’ I then looked at my new gun being a SMG I could get some use out of this, then an idea hit me. “I’m sorry, who did you want again?” I called out seeing if I could see anyone else around, the response was a strangely non-surprised Gaige who jumped off of her Deathtrap’s shoulder who had purple themes instead of red, even that eye it had glowed purple.

Her grin grew wider a bit more shark like when saying this. “He ran away didn’t he?” Her teeth were clearly not human from that smile, also her trigger finger twitches from appearances as she took on a different stance. “Well that just means I don’t get to play pretend, unless that is, you want a ‘nice’ show before you die from my ‘hands’.” She said ever so sweetly that dripped with danger.

I calmly pulled my staff from my back then with a wave of my hand cast ghost walk on myself, once that was over I then pulled up my SMG and point it at her. I wasn’t going to attack her first, which would cancel out my spell if it did. “Yes he did run off, but I think I know why you are not the ‘REAL’ Gaige, are you? You are something else, I just don’t know what.” After saying that she open fired, instead of the sound of metal on metal would have been heard. The bullets from the shots pass right through me, with ‘Deathtrap’ lunging at me with unnatural movements even for a ‘supposed’ robot.

She winked at me with that same shark like grin as her irises change slightly to a vibrating oval, and her nails grew a bit with a flush reaching her cheeks. “My, my, you are an interesting one aren’t you? It has been a while from the last interesting fight, I promise to make your end feel oh so sweet when I can rip out your essence to become you. Wouldn’t that be a nice surprise, which would get from him seeing ‘you’ try to kill him? It would make him nice and suspicious and untrusting of other displaced like you.” Her features looked monstrous under just that ‘thin’ human appearance as her body alterations, were just enough to make her agile and flexible for speed.

Though this ‘deathtrap’ was a complimentary tank with the feeling of literally nothing lay beyond it’s now slightly visible teeth on the chest, attempting to swipe at me or gnaw at me which might be a distraction.

I cast hellfire on the monster deathtrap as the fire covers it head and open maw, the reaction from that was it slowed down dramatically and opened its armor diving into the snow. As that was happening I fire the SMG at the fake Gaige, when I move to put good distance between us. Somewhere where I won’t as likely get eaten, and make it harder for the thing to get to me and try to eat me. I saw she jumped out of the way with a double slide spin and shot back with her own weapon.

“Nice shot, for a FAKE!” I yell at her as I dive into the doorway of some kind of ticket booth for the train station. Oh come on… I then saw something like a metal ball fly through the window I didn’t wait around to confirm what it was. As I smash my way through the window on the other side with my staff. I just got out as an explosion send me flying across the station.

“Jack… Where the fuck are you?!” I growled as I pick myself back up off the floor. “Wish I had a Helljack right about now…” I mutter to myself, only to soon after start hearing rockets impact behind where those two fakes were as Jack came into view sitting on top of a Constructor with a smirk while the thing that drew my attention the most was the Badass Loader that looked like a mix of the WAR, SGT and RPG types as two of them started advancing to push them back out into the tundra.

Getting closer Jack offered a hand saying this to me. “Hey vault hunters may scare the shit out of me, but I knew you could distract them long enough to buy me time to get reinforcements. So for blowing up my loader and distracting that vault hunter we’ll call it even for now, let’s just get to the empire and away from crazy fuckers out here.” He said only after that to start booking it in a sprint to the visible pink barrier.

“Jack you beautiful bastard, if I had lips I’d kiss you right now!” Say as I take his hand and follow after him, as he quickly sprints the distance to the very pink love barrier around the city. “Jack I have no idea what those things were, but they were NOT vault hunters!” I all but scream at him as we run inside the barrier, though once we made it through did I notice that he didn’t bother to stop until taking a winded break at the city walls.

Though once I got close enough he gasped a bit before saying this. “I am straight and will remain so even if you are undead, no offence but I don’t do necrophilia for any reason at all. Not ever going to happen, so help me let alone a kiss, fuck off but I take the sentiment.” Sighing only to blink as he saw some of his loaders inside peacefully suppressing the guards still inside. “Well that’s awkward, Let me guess this is your doing isn’t it F.A.U.S.T…?”

The angel bot that kept pace with him tilted its head giving a response stating what she’s been up to. “We have had assistance in the initial covert entry cover by Mr. Metal Will, his status is slightly disgruntled over missing a possible fight by thy side.” I then butt in at this point. “Hey robot lady what the hell was that back there? One of them said it knows about the ‘Displaced’ then said once they killed me they would take my form so Jack here won’t trust anyone else.” I then noticed the looks Jack was giving me.

“I’m not one of them asshole…” I snarled at him as he takes a couple steps away from me.

He gave me a flat look before looking back to the angel bot saying this. “Is that him then? Because I am not going to put it pass them if there is a vault hunter that is a shape shifter, or maybe another like him and me?” He sighed muttering something about needing a drink when the day’s over. F.A.U.S.T. responded indifferently stating in a matter-of-fact tone that felt like a backhanded compliment. “Sadly it would seem that this being is the one whom we have recorded into our database of ‘Displaced’ as titled.”

“I can’t tell if I should be happy or upset with that…” I said calmly as I look at my hand still holding my staff in a death grip. ‘Wow I must have been more scared then I thought.’ Brought out of my thoughts as jack starts to walk into the city now saying this in a calmer more happy tone. “Well since we have your identity figured out let’s get moving, as we have a small window of opportunity before the royal ‘come fuck me over’, committee comes from Equestria and ruins what I am doing and maybe imprison me again.”

The Crystal Empire - Center of the City - odd 30ish minutes give or take later
*Handsome Jack Perspective*

The trip through the streets was rather well, uneventful except for happy hellos and well-meaning hugs from crystal ponies who recognized me and I some of them. Though most of the activity was currently focused in several different points like the castle guards, the nobles’ mansions/compounds. But mostly everywhere else was hunky-dory to my surprise, but still being on guard until a very firm scowling Metal Will Tapping one of his cybernetically replaced hooves on the ground standing next to the Crystal Heart.

He took one look at Asphyxionus and shrugged asking the question on his mind. “Who’s the floating stiff and can I fight him boss?” For me to smile softly at his antics to say this in response while walking closer to the heart. “Well if he wants to accept a duel, sure but for now bigger issues at hand first then you guys can play or whatnot.” I said this pulling out a tool to run some readings while they are still close enough to obviously hear what’s being said behind me as I access its magical matrix.

“Iron Will? Dude you look kick ass.” I heard the undead lich say sounding impressed, possibly until a slightly agitated Hyperion’s greatest pony fighter responded poking at him. “It’s Metal Will, I am sure as Tartarus not some weak Minotaur workout trainer/therapist. I’ll be sure to hunt him down just so no one makes that mistake again. Now what’s your name, ‘walking abomination’?”

“I am Asphyxionus the Iron Lich, so that is some kind of suit or something?” I then hear the sound of metal tapping on metal, with a clang of knocking something away. For the sound of two surveyor drones to come into view for but a moment as I heard Metal Will speak up again with a gruff bit of pride. “I wear a suit but l have undergone a lot of surgeries because of my bone disease, I like my family are honor bound in service to jack for everything he’s done for my father and mother as he has to me.” There was possibly the sound of gritting teeth as I got to the citizen list, looking to find the royal bloodline then trigger a locator.

“Dude you have no idea how lucky you are, at least you can eat food and drink water. Me I’d give anything to know what it like to taste food again.” I could hear a deep sigh from the big guy as if he was trying to remember something long ago, making me pause momentarily to think on something later to try doing when having the time. But smile as the locator silently goes off leaving a trail of oddly enough pink glowing line instead of blue, but I shook that off as I follow after it forgetting about those two as I search for the hope of this empire’s future.

The Crystal Empire - Castle Grounds - minutes after jack left
*Asphyxionus Perspective*

I was so engrossed in chatting with Metal Will when his head started turning causing me to do the same, only for the both of us to realize that jack went off somewhere, AGAIN! His eye twitched before looking at his surveyor drones sending them out before bounding off in a direction loudly muttering this as he left. “The boss has to learn that he needs to get his head out of the clouds and that alien science stuff without telling anyone!” The sight of thrusters in hoofs showed me that he was a literal cyborg when he landed on a rooftop before disappearing from view.

I wasn’t really sure what to make of all this or what to do other than to try and find Jack, not telling me where he was going was pretty dickish which is funny how it fits handsome jack. I then felt something wrap around my waist I blink at this then looked down at a Hyperion yellow robot pony. What. The. Hell?

“Umm shoo, little robot pony.” I asked but the thing would not let go. “Jaaack…” I call out feeling a little worried about this thing. “Who is this handsome bot I see before me, why I feel my core having a meltdown just by being by your side.” It said as it was nuzzling ME! I then yelled louder. “JACK!” The claptrap pony bot spoke in a reassuring tone, which did NOT do anything to calm me down. “Do not fear my beloved for true love takes many forms, we have all the time in the world to get to know more about each other.” This was getting too creepy, even for me! 'I need an adult, I NEED AN ADULT!!!'

I then saw the thing pull a wire from out of an opening in its side then holds it out to me. “Let us consummate our love to each other by linking our hard drives.” That was it! I pulled up the SMG and point the barrel right at its face and opened fire. I gave out a sigh as it had fallen onto the ground laying there on the street with its head mostly missing, I then saw everypony was looking at me. Oh bugger I had to think fast and come up with a cunning plan to get out of this. “My finger slipped…” Everyone seems to buy it and go back to work doing whatever they was doing, leaving the castle.

I decided it was best if I walked away from the body and search for Jack to avoid more creepy robots, one drawback was I had no idea where he had gone. Well what do you do when the only guy, who knows his way around the place and you were walking around with in hopes of finding him somewhere. Taking a look around for myself, I then just started walking around a few random streets hoping to come across him. That is when I saw HER walking up to me, definitely stood out from any other Hyperion robot that was here.

I wasn’t sure what to do at this point I did what any insane man would do, run away and find jack. Only to be stopped by some bubble like ‘shining armors’, I moaned to myself as I put a hand over my face. “I hate this spell” A lighthearted synthetic giggle reached my hearing that oddly enough drew a momentary blink from emotion of how silken it was. “Well young colt. We would obviously use this most often to give another a timeout, but wilt thou be a good colt and not run away when we have business to discuss?” Recognizing the voice to likely be F.A.U.S.T.

I then turned around to look at her, the first thing I saw was a Hyperion Yellow Business suit that screamed it fit her like a latex body suit that showed off her curves. Noticeable heeled hoof shoes, which had ‘stockings’? gazing up higher only now noticing a robotic finger pointing further up as if ‘knowing’ where I was looking that reached a buttoned and covered hips and bust that only a mother next door would have with a small silver and gold H badge on her vest under her suit jacket until a jaw dropping fair white smooth beautiful face with plush looking lips, her sharp beautiful teal glowing eyes could be seen as the mane like red cables and tail were noticeable by her sway and walk when it would cover one eye normally.

“I think I’m in love…” What? I thought to myself before I punch myself in the side of my skull. Where did all that come from, why did I just say that! Dude you are over nine hundred years old to top it off your already dead! I scream at myself inside my head. “I’m sorry what did you want?” I asked as I try and figure out just what in the hell is wrong with me.

She giggled for some reason first before saying this softly in a happy tone that could melt butter. “Well we first should say thou thoughts are rather interesting, even without reading thy mind we can see it in thy body language of how we art seen to young stallion eyes.” She added at the end with a flutter of the eyes to make this worse for me most likely, with a gentle grin that felt so genuine as if I couldn’t feel anything before was in reach now in her presence. “But aside from how cute and innocent thou are, we have business like we have stated before. Though this will be done whilst jack is not in view.”

Oh my god she has mind reading powers! Abandon ship! For go all hope who enter here! We are doomed, Doomed I say! “You have… No idea how horrible this is for me…” I was always a bit of a furry fan, and now that I can see it. It’s every nerd’s wet dream come true and yet I can’t even hug her. It’s like getting a video game you waited for ten years to play, to only find out that you do not have the console to play it on. I sighed and then asked. “What is this business then?”

She smiled a bit more and walked close enough to be in arm’s giving what FELT like a warm gentle hug, she leaned her head in close enough to say this that would make possibly any man’s knees feel weak. Good thing I didn’t have knees. “How does thou feel to be hugged by the impossible?” Only to outright giggle from the chaos that must be what my mind is right now thanks to her, to be taken away when she steps back with a confident sway.

“Don’t leave…” I said in a soft whimper having a cold feeling fall over me. I didn’t want the warm feeling to go away, it was the closest thing to feeling human again. I didn’t want it to go, I feared to never feel it again. For the love of god don’t make me feel like I did in that place again! As if reacting to my pain she shushed me gently in a motherly tone, smiling still with her eyes gazed deeply into mine. “Thou shalt know that good puppet colts get rewarded by the fairy, like in the old tale thou knows the name to. Be Selfless and warmth shalt return with the flesh as the soul is merely the anchor to it all.”

But when that was said and done with I felt a lingering kiss on my forehead that took away my pain of emptiness, which may have caused my fire to burn warmer for now. But a disapproving scowl crossed her features when her arms folded possibly making me feel smaller now when our heights hadn’t changed. “Now we should point out that thou has TWICE, now since damaged and broke Hyperion property and took without asking or buying. Jack has overlooked most of that due to assistance rendered but we shall NOT condone any more if in the case thou returns.” She showed a familiar token now in her hand instead of that angel bot’s from earlier.

“Yes ma’am I promise I won’t take any more things from you or Jack ever again.” I said feeling like I was about to get my ass kicked by her, strangely I was finding that idea kind of hot.

Nodding softly before even my eyes could register the action her right hand whipped out and grabbed ahold of my jaw where my chin would be, pulling me closer in a frightening display of speed and strength to say this in the deadliest tone that might haunt me forever in my nightmares from here on even if I might fight that dragon. “Without permission thou forgot to state, also if the little colt. Thou even DARE for a moment to harbor the THOUGHT of harming our Handsome Jack. There won’t be anywhere thou could even try to hide in THIS ‘multiverse’, for an alicorn whom underwent birthing two daughters, ran an old empire at its peak, fought chaos spawn and horrors beyond the grave in our last act in first life.” She took a moment to shudder at a possible memory.

But her eyes burned figuratively into my eyeless sockets. “Do not EVER TEST US, for not even thy death will save thou from retribution beyond mortal words.” The physical beauty she shown before had turned monstrous, sharpened teeth hidden just behind herbivore sets with her once beautiful loving eyes were black pits with a glowing white dot the size of a pin.

“Yes ma’am” That was all I could say really, all that was driving my mind right now was both fear and awe of this mare. Plus one more small thought, I have a chin? She smiled as in but a blink of an eye, the deadly display she showed and overwhelming power behind it returned once more to that very sexy mare. That was when I saw the robotic wings flutter behind her back for the first time, my mind might have broken for a bit.

She acts as if nothing was wrong giving me time to recover, before continuing as she held out my token saying this. “Would thou like to return now?” In that same sweet butter melting tone, that would make others dopey from hearing.

“I… Would like that thank you.” No one could see it as I no longer have a face anymore but I was smiling at her, oh my god I was falling for her! I need to go before something crazy happens. She giggled one more time before saying this as she dismissed me back from whence I came. “Something always happens, whether it is crazy or not. Say hello to my other self's daughters there, also to stop bickering with each other.” She added with a slight edge to her voice as she playfully pushes me back through a portal.

Back in Another Story - A Lich of Metal and Souls - A moment after returning
*Asphyxionus Perspective*

Once I was on the other side the portal closed, blinking the vision from my eyes only to look around to find that I was back. At the mouth of the cave I first used to get out here, I gave out a sigh as I roll my jaw around before, wait. I slowly reach up with one of my hands and found I had a jaw.

“Holy crap, I have my jaw back. I have my jaw bone back!” I yell and scream in joy I had never been this happy for who knows how long. I rushed up the side of the cave climbing on top of it and yell as loud as I can into the frozen air.

“CELESTIA DROOLS, FAUST RULES!” I roar into the cold windy sky of the north.

At the crystal empire – Crystal Castle, Medical Ward - after that same moment
*Third Pony Perspective*

Twilight and her friends were watching as shining armor was getting healed from his fight with some kind of axe wielding monster. He was in the middle of telling how he thought he was going to die until we all heard a strange but familiar voice scream out the words they all heard now in a rivaling canterlot volume voice from the echoes.

“CELESTIA DROOLS, FAUST RULES!” We all stop what we’re doing to think as this strange moment happens with a frowning twilight saying. “HEY!”

“Who the hay is Faust?” Asked Rainbow Dash. Twilight would like to know the information to that bit of thought too, as for how that is possible or who that pony shouting was.

“That sounded a little like Asphyxionus but that’s impossible, there is no way he can do the canterlot voice, right?” Asked Shining Armor as he looks to his wife, Princess Cadence was just as confused as her husband.

“Don’t ask me, I don’t even know how to do that yet.” Said Princess Cadence as he looks around the room. They all heard a gasp from Pinkie pie as she jumps up and put her hoofs on her head before saying this. “Maybe it was a princess we don’t know about, who thinks Celestia is a big meanie!” In panic the pink pony runs off to who knows where.

On the floor laying on her side was a butter color coated Pegasus, having fainted from the surprise earlier as a white coated unicorn waves a fan at her muzzle and eyes supporting her friend in need saying this in a dainty tone. “Applejack darling, could you help me with poor fluttershy here and get her onto a bed since we’re in the medical wing of the castle?”

Sighing and shaking her head with Stetson following suit firmly to her earth pony head, applejack helps rarity lift fluttershy onto the bed near them saying this. “Ah don’t know what got somepony yelling like that, but it soundin’ like they were hollerin’ up a jig from that tone.” Giving a nod from experience at a good year of apple bucking.

Equestria - Canterlot Castle - Somewhere inside said Castle
*Third Pony Perspective*

Celestia felt her ear twitch as she was in the middle of having herself a cup of tea, only to stop as she then looks around to see no pony was here. “Did somepony just call me?” She asked sounding somewhat confused for a few moments before warily taking a drink so she wouldn’t be surprised about anypony bursting in to disturb her break.

Canterlot Castle - Luna’s bed chamber -that same moment as Celestia
*Third Pony Perspective*

Luna shot up awake from a loud voice from somewhere far away after giving herself some time to understand what she heard she started to giggle. Her giggling grew into laughter she sighed to herself as she hugged her sides. Then burst out laughing again before she began humming to herself.

“tia drools and mother rules” Luna smiles to herself at that then, really thinks hard about that. Just who knew their mother’s name?

Royal Discoveries, Tradition with Bullets and Fucking Brats

Author's Note

Number of Edits: 3
Number of OCs: 2

Some scenes of action also leading up to the second crossover of Swords, Sorcery and Shenanigans which shall continue after with mention of another.

Royal Discoveries, Tradition with Bullets and Fucking Brats

Royal Discoveries, Tradition with Bullets and Fucking Brats!
Equestria – Vanhoover Train yard, Crystal Train – Dawn
*Princess Celestia Perspective*

The cool if cold brisk air of this budding if happy friendly city, was in a lot of activity this morning Going on a short while which at the MOMENT the train was stopped from leaving due to something happening that has these friendly ponies running around in fear of some ‘Circus’ of monsters. What was described could only be some of the Loaders from Jack’s Hyperion and apparently causing explosions which got everypony up and ready for combat, only to be mostly accidental while many of them are performing stunts while it has been made apparent that the rails beyond Vanhoover were sabotaged during this.

I and Luna stood there watching the performance in shock, while Discord was laughing himself to pieces even at some of the destruction done by some missteps. Though Twilight and her friends tried to get the situation under hoof, with my niece Cadence likely torn as to giggle or worry about what is happening as her husband Prince Shining Armor rushes off with the other guards to quell this mess at the expense of some strange plan Jack had worked up, this was ridiculous and impulsive for what he normally accomplishes.

Though Luna was the first one to speak up to these thoughts I relayed to her. “This ‘flare’ would seem to be the doings of somepony whom has the dramatics for Explosive or fiery behavior, also the name of somepony named ‘Torgue’ was stenciled on these bots. We wonder where Jack even found somepony who has such a taste.” That brings up even more questions, more worries about what ponies or beings jack may unknowingly move into circles with! I need to save him and try to make it up to him, maybe even request if this pony ‘Torgue’ was in some sun cult about her that is still in hiding.

Though my and Luna’s musings and worries were cut aside by Cadence starting to Giggle now, looking to us both before saying this with a hand gesture. “Auntie you have been making Jack and this Hyperion out to be some heroic stoic figure of a true hero or boogie monsters of deepest nightmares, all I see are strange if awkward slightly destructive clumsy loaders unlike the precision you both say they have as an army.” Its Discord oddly enough took on a serious expression as he sat like a normal pony on one of the train benches, looking over the show as a loader bot smacked its possible butt at rainbow dash before running off as the others give chase. “That’s because these are only acting as an obvious distraction, likely buying him time when I felt the chaos rising here. Very likely just entertaining or making jokes with this, perhaps also as to make me crack a smile with his choice.”

The next thing that happened was a confetti explosion as a thrown pinkie pie who was far more surprised out of everypony present landed back at the front entrance, wide eyed and smiling as she suddenly shouted out. “THAT’S MY SHTICK! NOPONY CAN DO THAT BECAUSE I TRADEMARKED IT~!” Only to poof off in a pink blur back in that same direction, as discord looked stupefied before laughing harder to say this with glee. “Okay, whoever was able to outdo that pony DESERVES a high paw for that!” I sighed in response looking to the station manager before nodding at him to show me the trouble, hopefully I can get the rails fixed and ready to go before they are done having fun.

But at least Luna is feeling more normal now, which is rather troubling still that she can sense strong emotions when emitted by the nightmare. She WON’T sink her teeth into JACK, if all goes well with my forming proposal it may likely make him pause to think. As I know him as only less than two hands could.

The Crystal Empire – Sothern Quarter, Casually Walking - Dawn
*Handsome Jack Perspective*

Well so far I finally have that walk I’ve wanted, only downside is near interruptions by happy crystal ponies whom recognize me and wish to give hugs like I use to give out. Though I had to turn them down due to ‘saving the empire’ business and finding the surviving royal family, that crowd from that passing comment started to mumble and form larger behind me. ‘Fuck I keep forgetting they are herd type sentient beings, also don’t they have anything else to do than follow me following a royal bloodline tracking spell matrix?’ Looking back at them got me happy responses before well awkwardly smiling back, as I receive a tap on my right shoulder to see the Badass Angel Bot having quietly lumbered up onto me.

I swear sometimes these bots are built too well, just for how life like the more personal claptraps because they are on my side and also it doesn’t hurt to have a universal remote handy if one goes crazy from some error. Though soon enough I think the universe is fucking with me, with the sound of music starting to kick up out of nowhere, being a pony civilization that is to be par for the course. Better ignore it for now while I get my business done and they can get back their lives separate from incompetent whorses; fact check ponies, do you’re fucking diligence otherwise you won’t get your tits in a twist by shit others do like I am right now!

‘I swear, even when I screwed up I had that old crotchy fucker of a pony ‘Gandalf’ on my back just to rub it in my face, respectable when he did but total asshole when he wishes. Ah Starswirl, you were one of those rare breeds of competent cynical ponies I got the joy of knowing, outside my OWN corporation, but I had F.A.U.S.T. to help me out when I couldn’t make the slack.’ Smiling back on that thought of a younger me so bright and optimistic. ‘One of my own personal reasons of wanting to reintroduce her off was to get the biggest figurative ‘jab’ at my rival, also a rare friendly kind and not the ‘I will lop off your head, than fuck your neck stump!’ kind. But when he wasn’t being an asshole I would have likely called him a second buddy.’ That got a chuckle out of me though it died just as fast.

The odd thing about this matrix besides being pink, is that it’s leading to an orphanage, huh. Classic move to go as they get overlooked often, the reason being was I set them up for those whom lost families. I even remember reading some of those cute sparkling little crystal pony foals stories, or made up my own in exaggeration of grand adventures to inspire them to improve their life. Doing things like that was how I met Metal Will’s family when they were down on their luck, gave them jobs and a home even helped their son metal when he started getting sick with that bone eating disease. Though his name should have clued me in as for who he would have become, though my good nature towards foals likely drew Luna’s attention to me romantically.

Honesty, Generosity, Kindness, Laughter, Loyalty and Magic. It’s funny how you start losing pieces of yourself figuratively on a world journey, it started out rather nice, spreading the good name of Hyperion and earning some respect for myself for coming to THEIR doorsteps to introduce myself. Explaining even that I had a dream of enlightenment of reaching into space, even told them it is possible through my offered hand. Maybe have the side benefit of making their version of ‘united nations’ of whatever they will collectively call this planet, because I know everything else will argue about it to the ponies and horses, those horses; just WOW!

Not much hidden to the imagination but damn they are built like nobody’s business, also rather open about certain activities. I ended up being the first time refusing an offered gift from the sultan, for the record it was THREE horse mares. Which got the sultan asking if I preferred stallions, only to say no on that. The whole cultural ‘bit’ on interspecies breeding outright floored him into silence until he offered again stating; ‘opinions may change my strange hooman guest if you simply savor what is very much offered.’ Not as weird as being almost mistakenly offered up to the ‘gods’ belonging to a collective of Cat species, until a timely loader bot intervention put a stop to that crap.

(WARNING, there may likely be chapters pertaining to in depth showing of each ‘element’ of jack's old world journey. Also funny parts likely of somebeing calling ‘bullshit’ on some details. XD)

HONESTY bit the dust first because every donkey and rodent wanted a piece of me for one reason or another (before doppelgangers were made being the case), or likely my support in most commonly done petty conflicts, but the rodents were worse than the rabbits (both tend to have higher populations but one of the two is vicious), having my ‘hand’ when making business deals from then on even if they’ll regret it later by costs. They both became so poor, the rodents started to breed less while the donkeys had to build up infrastructure with the rodents to recover somewhat. Didn’t help that I had stolen from both sides, but it forced them to get along better, not sure how long it took honestly.

GENEROSITY came next which when requested by some of the griffin rival kings to give basic aid that were said to be distributed, later made me refuse giving out continued aid when the citizens didn’t start getting better off or relocated. The supplies didn’t even get to where they were intended too, only showing fed troops but hungry and sick citizens makes a poor long term profit for the griffins. I was pretty glad to have started a civil uprising among the abused and downtrodden, though it made the French revolution look like a party, you don’t get the mental image of a griffin tearing the throat out of another by their beak.

KINDNESS died when I was drugged at a rather nice dinner setting, among the Diamond Dog Clan heads and their form of royalty. Enslaved to be used for things I am still burry on, than when I was spent. Dragged exhausted from lack of sleep with a sore body from over work and lack of proper food to some other territory that held the arena, killed quite a few who were both good and bad beings, you’d be surprised if I ever tell you how I killed a dragon using a knife, a broken helmet and one sharp crystal with a lot of luck.

LAUGHTER became a casualty in that bloodied hellhole, that was until the end when the head minotaur himself who had actually invited me; come down into the pit at my supposed ‘winning’ gauntleted bout, I fucking SHANKED the fucker in the neck until half of his head was still connected as I wore his blood like a fucking psychopath. About that time the slaves broke free seeing all that savage fury, which they knew all too well. Its twisted version came out when I sacked the capital by artillery, I smiled at those flames and everyone else who was a slave that followed me out cheered at its destruction.

LOYALTY was my last holdout upon my return after actually completing my journey, which died upon being betrayed by not just one old friend but two, which in the end should have been expecting, they can be rather species focused and brash for being young unlike Faust. The attack upon all that I rebuilt in that nearly enclosed valley, went poof and ended up worse from that single twelve hour siege, having equipment loaded up and digistructed out. That Weird frail stalker turtle Professor Nakayama from the far east semi close the Neighponese small continent latched onto me as my ‘number one fan’, he left in the H.S.S. Terminus promising me that he’ll return, only for him to have gone missing.

‘MAGIC’ took the final fall into the ruin that was left, what was left of my ‘New Eden’ was of bad memories and RAGE. Fire, wreckage of still falling debris from the epicenter to a couple miles out of the Head Quarters of Hyperion in the region of Peace Valley in the once budding Hyperion city of (the voted on name) Fili-Glade, it was meant as a joke on what I create here is like a space in this once former thick ass forest. Now only burning and ashes fall here with glops of Eridium waste splattering about in pools, there in the epicenter was red dry puddles mixed with white vague outlines of chalked bone, even little tiny ones showing foals. Not even half of them made it out alive, those who did were lucky and broken mentally from the trauma.

The amount of RAGE I held towards everything else, unextinguished all these YEARS, but the worst part is I cannot even vent without near crippling pain. A reminder of LILITH, fucking siren cunt! If nothing else I’ll set up a bounty on vault hunters, see where that gets me if anything I know, nothing happens if there isn’t money of some form backing it up or a brokered promise or a contract that shit can take what you have to repay what’s due.

The Crystal Empire – South Quarter, Hopeful Home for Foals – After breakfast (Bummer)
*Handsome Jack Perspective*

But it’s around this time I realized I must have stopped at the front outside of the orphanage looking quite possibly like a dumbass deep in my own thoughts, until Metal Will grunted his displeasure while slugging my shoulder to say this. “Boss; you should give someponies some heads up if you are going to wander off, as the city’s not secured yet with there being holdouts and resistance to peaceful suppression methods. Even though I should say bullet to their brains saves us from later headaches, because it’s not like heads won’t be rolling right?” Weirdly enough in his own proud confident self seems to be working me out of my funk enough to press forward.

Taking a breath before looking back at Metal Will. “Alright I am going inside to check to see WHOM is related and alive, I want the building secured until I do.” Looking back to the crowd for a moment as the Badass Angel Bot seems to be keeping the crowd back for now with a few words. “Because weather good or bad, I came here to fix some things I wasn’t able to long ago. But at the least if all else fails I get to save you loyal lot to Hyperion from what fallout will happen from failure.” I said giving a weak smile before pushing into the building.

Upon entering I see a vaguely familiar family friendly crystal empire heritage of prominent happy tales, as my eyes fell onto a nervous mare dressed in what seems to be the ‘princess of loves’ worship with the Crystal Heart motif, stranger yet she stopped being nervous as if she recognized me. ‘Do I know her from somewhere? Wait is she one of those motherly type of mares here who sought me out? Or is she just a fan?’ Only to be knocked out of my musings when said mare leaped into a full on glomp landing on me with her rather heavy D breast size and my hands landing on her rather plush ass leaving my face to be cushioned but the back of my head hitting wood flooring. The response was my pained muffling and her nuzzling me without a care.

Having been in situations like this before, as I knew she likely couldn’t see my tired ‘who da fuck’ are you expression before I snapped one of my hands onto her tail base than pulled hard. That got her to gasp and let go enough to be furiously blushing, sitting in a ‘cowgirl’ position on my lap as I showed her my expression HOPING she saw what I was giving her, but what she said floored me. “…Um, uncle jack I might be very honored by that, but there was foals nearby and um… Well my foal too-“ I carefully with the hand that had pulled her tail, clamping it slowly onto her muzzle lightly so her lips would be kissing my palm. Which she licked sheepishly.

After a moment of this silence and TRYING to put that information into any logical order, I gave up letting go of her muzzle asking the question that now burned in my mind. “How am I your uncle? I haven’t met you before, because I’d remember a rather cute crystal mare with a body like that.” I said pointing over her features from legs up to her face, eh its pony custom over what areas are important which I could understand some like a nice set of hips though the neck part is confusing. But my answer was given as she looked confused as well before giving a wide grin, leaning in ever so quietly whispering into my ear. “…Well um, is because I always saw you as my exotic uncle from somewhere special and It’s me Glitterstone, I am wearing that disguise kit I asked you for as a gift so I could gather information on my special somepony.”

Ah so that makes sense, not the whole disguising part to stalk your love interest but the whole disguise yourself now sort. Smart filly, at least she took some of my side lessons to heart when I told her how to use that makeup but I guess it doubled as what I originally intended to be ‘normal’ among other ponies in the empire. “So, are you going to stop straddling me as a mare in heat would or would you care to help an exhausted man up?” Ponies and their easy to blush most often does make me smile, especially when I get them good at something embarrassing, only a couple were able to keep up with my jabs but some were relatively decent in the day.

Glitterstone quickly got to her hooves with some colts and fillies giggling nearby, looking back at them shooing them off before helping me up as I grab her three fingered hand. Man just differences like this remind me of our strength differences, though another phrase of ‘guns are the greatest equalizer’ does in fact ring true anywhere, which gives me the confidence boost I need when talking. “I remember you weren’t as busty and filled out, it’s like you had a foal or something.” The scuffing of her hoof smiling at me when I said that must mean that part is true. “So, awkwardness aside. How have you been little glitter?”

She gave a nervous laugh before asking one of the other mares working there to help get her filly only to respond. “Not well Uncle jack, I lost Shimmer Guard when the Nobles found him last season..” Her ears folded back and tears started to form, she came closer to hug me whimpering than when the words left her muzzle I just felt cold. “The Equestrian Princess Cadence; Signed an order allowing the nobles to execute Sombra or any surviving original royal family, he got caught when somepony recognized him in a tavern at the Eastern half. He was letting off steam until something he said apparently gave him away, I was nervous before but after he was beheaded I had no pony to rely on other than the mother who ran this place. I had to be strong for my little filly who only knows that ‘daddy won’t be coming back’..” All I could do was place a hang on her head and rub her mane slowly.

Taking a slow breath to try calming down my rage, enough to try and shift the conversation, to ask her this with a slight smile. “So, what would be my ‘niece’s’ name? Since I am apparently your ‘Uncle’.” I looked down into her still tear stained eyes as she nuzzled my chest feeling those feels, where are those fucking water works tear ducts!?! She finally looked up at me smiling more as this was said, I am wondering if the universe liked me or hated me with a passion. “I named her after you uncle, her name is Pandora.” With my free hand not currently rubbing her mane, I slapped myself thinking this as I may have groaned. ‘Shit just gets funnier for me doesn’t it? What next am I going to get surprise visitors or some crap?’

The Crystal Empire – Castle Square, Heart Grounds – Near Noon
*Handsome Jack Perspective*

It was likely arranged by Faust through the bots, but a stage was set up fitting I think to Crystal Pony traditions for a royal announcement. Though Glitterstone was freshly washed clean of her disguise from a blend of crystal berries and hot water, though it showed off her well; glittering sort of translucent teal coat with a catching Rosaline glittering mane and tail. With her to me a young pony milf figure she would be VERY catching to any stallion, though her shaking like a leaf clinging to my back made her only look cuter while holding her cute filly Pandora. ‘Damn she was cute before, but now she’s gone full blown sexy mare, it’s kind of distracting how she’s shapely conforming to my back.’

Letting out a small breath, moving my right hand back to try and coax her forward. Where had that adorably over confident filly gone, the same one whom would glomp me from her surprise ‘attacks’ to try and ‘beat me’. There was Crystal heart whom was rather reserved and polite if friendly, than Dark Gem who sadly was quite ‘goth’ or still in mourning over her mother. Or it was her ‘fashion statement’, I could never tell but she funnily enough wanted to be my ‘dark bride’ because of my ‘aura’ radiated such a dangerous feeling.

But back onto subject I start to declare to the crowd, in a voice seeing the nobles untidy appearances being bound were brought before us. “Fair subjects of the Crystal Empire, upon request I’ve asked most of you to come before the castle today. You are likely wondering the reason for that, besides the suppression of the guard and specific targeting of the noble houses while you all are physically left alone to continue your day. The reason I have done this is because the Royal Heir and her child has been found!” I in a showmanship manner finally pushed Glitterstone from behind me to stand on my right while she gave a shied “eep!” hiding her face while giggling Pandora messes with her mother’s mane.

That earned quite a few ‘awww’s’ from the crowd and mutterings with questions, even confusion on others as more than a couple ponies raised their hands. Pointing to the one closest to me a baker mare most likely asked possibly an obvious question. “But What about Princess Cadence? They said there wasn’t any living royal line.” That got the crowd muttering louder as I try to settle them down before answering that. “Okay, you know how ‘someponies’ who say they did something but didn’t check? Well here’s your answer.” Pointing at Glitterstone looking more and more like a nervous wreck by the minute only to pause at my hugging, looking up at me with those glittering Rosaline irises looking for safety.

The crowd started to mutter and I THOUGHT I saw a few torches being handed out, that was before I tried to continue on. “Before things start to get drastic, poor Glitterstone here was desperately in hiding because a stupid foreign pony princess signed a decree to allow the nobles to quietly hunt for any possible living heirs that would dethrone her and thus their chances to get more power.” Somehow that was rather well timed when Loader Bots of the SGT variety pushed the untidy gaggle of nobles bound in ropes with chains present, giving somepony in the crowd a good chance to throw some spoiled food at one I guess they clearly hated. That said food ended up being soup? Stop questioning it.

Once again torches were being passed out only for them to be taken away again by a couple loaders, I am rather curious where are they getting these things, when there are no trees nearby? A ‘Torch & Pitchfork’ emporium? I looked towards the Badass Angel Bot in question tilting head at those confiscated items only for it to point towards a ‘Rugged Wilderness Survival Emporium’, Right. “Next question now? Because I’d like the citizens of this Empire’s permission to put these lot on public trial for planned and attempted REGICIDE. Besides, other things likely involved.” That earned gasps of shock from a few while shouts with shaking fists in more of the gathered nobles’ direction.

Growing a toothy smile upon my face, when the next question came from a familiar tavern owner pony of fond memories giving patronage to. “Will this here trial be from combat? Because those ‘modern’ whimsy ‘laws’ that pink princess break a lot of our traditions, I’d LOVE to see them squirm under their own power!” Most of the crowd started murmuring amongst each other before seeming to yell out tones of agreement by whinny, with a rising thumping that reminded me of war drums being struck in accord to said stomps. Looking around spotting a pony who saw me looking at him giving a sheepish smile having been drumming with the stomps.

‘I swear ponies will always confuse me when it comes to music, but at least most often they show how they are feeling.’ Giving a shrugging smile before saying this again louder, raising my hand up for them to see my left hand while the right still held Glitterstone for measurement. “Those who wish for a Trial by Combat raise your arm, it’ll make tallying easier. After said combat we shall undergo the ritual of the heart, than customary celebrations.” If I wasn’t use to rowdy cheering before I would have from the citizen crystal ponies present, well at least they were still rugged enough to enjoy any kind of celebration, makes me more than a bit sad having missed that one for Sombra’s fall.

The Crystal Empire – Coliseum Proving Grounds – one twenty in the afternoon
*Handsome Jack Perspective*

It is rather surprising that someplace that held bloodied tournaments, well quite often they didn’t die but by most of their standards yes it is. Though on the plus side they know how to keep everything sparkly and clean, because after I am done here, hopefully the friendly if rough competitions will come back. It will toughen their bodies and spark that aggressive fire in the belly, also doesn’t hurt that Metal Will likely keep them striving to knock his ass off from quite possibly the ‘top’ position if those leagues reorganize.

But when things are settled they will need a cleaning crew and an undertaker for an unmarked mass grave if I have any say in it, will be it saying ‘plot for vile traitorous scum’. Or take them for my bio division, it’s not like they will be missed after the show. Only ones to watch out for are survivors of their ‘noble’ lines, some might even try to redeem their parent(s) behavior to regain the loss status. Weather for personal gain such as revenge or even self-sense of honor would bring pride, because that sort is a rare thing to see no matter what planet you are on.

The sound of trumpets sound their air as a crier seems to be speaking up of sorts, But currently it is just a Standard Hyperion Yellow Loader Bot, Metal Will and Myself in the room. Mostly just preparing ourselves as I decided to have the Loader to use their more ‘antiquated’ weapons, being a spear and sword while Metal Will was being ridiculous in his load outs of a cross between his favorite guns and trophy weapons from previous bouts long ago won. While myself, I kept looking weaponless due to my inventory storing them and having my Nemesis Pistol in the secondary slot. Always LOVED moding my weapons, even figured out long ago how to ‘switch’ damage effects that improved situational types more common. Like combustion, have no matches or magic to make a camp fire boom!

But a good favorite of mine has been either Slag or switching them out for the infinite ammo mod, if this was available in the game for switching damage/benefits for a favorite gun. There would be quite a few who would be calling ‘bullshit!’ on what I’d do, but it helps to think on your feet as species outside of Equestria have often been more of the clever/deadly sort. Though a gesture from Metal Will towards the doors tell me that things are all set up in the arena, hopefully this will go by quickly and go to that session on ‘mental health care’ F.A.U.S.T.’s been on about. ‘Focus on the benefits, you are not wearing a slave collar and chains, minotaurs do NOT control the Crystal Empire. YOU are in charge.’

Stepping out of the doors after the loader bot went first to open it like a large bouncer would leading the way, lumbering along as the hanging cloak over one arm was rather funny in a ridiculous ‘show’ of awesome with the grand Hyperion Logo upon it. Though the sight of the condemned in the magic nullification cages, deciding among themselves who would go first was an amusing sight. I knew some of them would outright target me or Metal Will, as far as intimidation goes size wise the Loader Bot had us beat, though tactically weakest out of any of us. As for Metal Will, well he looked ready for battle with that blood thirsty grin, if I didn’t know him well enough I would wonder about his sanity or just congratulate him on that feeling for this case.

Getting a good view of the flat crystal field, scuffing the ground checking to make sure the consistency is the same. Smooth and polished, like if there was the thinnest layer of oil anything couldn’t hopefully gain traction again. Though knowing magic that likely wouldn’t be possible, seeing as the roughly fifteen or at most eighteen nobles brought for trial by combat, being five in question wanting me. With only one being an earth variant while the others were either a Pegasus or unicorn variant of the crystal pony sub species, it’s rather nice that they accepted those genetic modifications but ended up betraying their home and royalty.

Taking a glance up to the surprisingly packed crowd shows that they haven’t gone soft, or at least they will enjoy a noble beat down, but in the royal box seating was Glitterstone. The poor filly even though she looked like a rather attractive mare for her species, was beyond nervous as funny as it is to see their Rosaline manes/tails spring up. Which are being combed back into place by a classic claptrap custom in Glitter’s royal colors, made to be a hand maid while I get a glance of another one of F.A.U.S.T.’s robotic alicorn unit’s sitting near her smiling down at me as if seeing my stare, which she likely is because of accurate optics and targeting systems working in conjunction with probability matrix.

Though the trumpeting has my attention again, that crier guy is getting their work cut out for them if this will happen for EVERY fight. “Mares and Stallions, in my humble opinion; we are all gathered here to deal out just dues done wrought onto many of us. Nopony more so than our fair PRINCESS!” The crowd gave heated growls, which is rather cute if not dangerous if underestimated. Though the said Princess in question is shying again until F.A.U.S.T. gives what looks to be a moral support boost by pointing towards me. “It is by the actions of Duke Jack, of House Hyperion would have fixed this undiscovered woe onto our empire! Laid hidden from our eyes while nobles before us all were behind such nefarious dealings, but it is by our happy duty that we gathered citizenry brought to bare would witness the trial by combat held.”

[1st Battle Preparation]
I couldn’t hear them from here but I could sort of make out their murmurs, yet again at least this time torches were NOT being handed out, but there definitely was Popcorn. “The first whom would do combat would be Lord Blood Stone, Youngest but hardiest of the house of smiths whom attempted in the very same chaos today attempted to murder his own brother and sister in the confusion to gain position.” That made me blink, yeah I remember that kid he had an obvious chip on his shoulder and fought in this very arena a few times before, likely having to build up some credit for being strong so to show off his worth to the empire. At least he never really used his brain much.

When he was being spoken of I casually noticed he was being prepped, knowing he would have to fight and chose me possibly due to lacking of melee ability also being the head honcho would give him an ego if he won. Hefting what looks to be a tactical war hammer, those things had the traditional hammer side with the reverse being a fucking spike or claw. Good for mining, hammering and engraving or the occasional fuck someone up in one swing! ‘Note to self, cripple first then wreck his short lifespan.’ Looking him over I saw he still only had on his clothes so there is no armor, likely won’t because he lacked the finesse of a subtle sort besides murder.

Seeing the soot covered crystal pony give a grunt after checking his weapon, likely to make sure it wasn’t tampered with. Only to flash me a toothy smile when he saw I didn’t have any of my weapons out, likely not knowing I have a sort of ‘hammer space’ that only I could access for my gear as I flicked my eyes to make sure my chosen gun was ready. ‘Let’s make sure to put our little buddy through his paces before ending the smug bastard, no sense in exposing my whole hand before making the bastards know not to fuck with me before they die.’

Looking at my watch to check the time waiting for the crier to start this fit while in the peripheral view I could see Metal Will cheering, even betting with a couple ponies in the crowd. ‘Well at least he isn’t just ramped for his own fights either, but knowing tradition they are split into groups with at most being five to fight for their verdict and survive to get out. But this will be set with how I’ll do things, lets show the empire’s failures of scum what I think of them. “Without further ado since it seems that both combatants are ready, let the trial by combat begin!” With little warning I dodge a thrown hatchet, before leaping to the side when Blood Stone’s attack came down hard cracking the ground.

Seeing him recover from that dodge I pull out my moded Nemesis pistol, shooting his attack arm at the wrist, the next three from that first missed shot struck his legs making him let out a strained grunt of repressed pain or mix of rage in it. He leaped at my new position again only to roll forward from where he would land to get behind him, thrusting compressed air into his legs from behind gave way to a noticeable crack. Likely a fractured bone from one of the shots of both landing and my strike, with flourishing my gun about to strike both shoulders down to his wielding arm’s elbow.

Blood Stone fell forward howling in pain as I saw his fingers move, aiming at the hands firing two bullets into them now in his prone state to further cripple him. “Hey Kiddo, I heard you were being a bad overgrown little bastard. What can smiling jack do for you today, besides make you die slowly?” I must have sounded rhetorical with giving him a trademark grin at his current state, seeing that he won’t respond I replied by shooting him through the bottom of his hoof angled where it would be gruesome to look at let alone not walk on would result in it breaking from where the exit would was near the portion that meets his stone colored coat. ‘At least he’s taking this like a man, that’s respectable, those eyes are the look of one who would try to strangle you to death before dying. Can’t have that now.’

Lifting my gun shooting him in the jaw, trailing up my shots into his skull to let the fucker have his due, which was covering me in his blood with every shot from here on due to proximity. By some distant sound of hurling this must be their first time witnessing a brutal killing, only to look up at my next opponents and the crowd to gauge their reactions. Which was stunned horror from those in the cell, with shock from the crowd for a split moment I could have SWORN I saw Star Lord in the crowd. No I am just hallucinating or something weird is going to happen sooner or later, let us try to get the rest of this done with.

Looking to the Crier, I saw he too was stunned until making a motion towards myself and the now quite horribly disfigured dead Lord Blood Stone. “I’m more than willing to wait for this trial by Combat to continue but I think others’ here are restless in those cells.” Those said prisoners in question from my gesturing rapidly shook their head no to conflict with my statement, but they chose me and that’s what they will get! Handsome Fucking Jack, hold the Fucking and add the Shoot your blood out of you kind of livid man!

[2nd Battle Preparation]
The next one to be forced out soon enough from that cell, is a Pegasus mare. By that familiar look about her, I think I knew her from somewhere until the crier cemented it. “We have Lady Hyacinth, for her dealings of secrets, bribery and assassination by her own blends of crystal berry wine! All of which were found in a little black diary of said situations and more to be listed aloud, even reported have said she was even part of information colluding of our own Duke Jack to Equestria or others whom paid well for her time!” That made me blink, she was being paid for those things and for keeping tabs on me? She was a rather nice mare all those years ago, even willing to go on relaxing lunch outings after a time or two so much for those pleasant memories…

Well at the least she gave me a rather ‘sheepish’ smile, you never seen the true meaning of it when done by a sheep anthro. No contest what so ever, but she’s on her hands and knees prostrating herself with her wings out begging me not to hurt her. But the only question in my narrowed gaze was ‘where are her weapons?’, which was answered for me when fast as she had sunk into that pose did she reveal thrown daggers that for the life of me, bounced off the shield I wore. I responded with a face palm as did an auditable one I think from Metal Will or someone else, no idea whom but they were likely thinking how I was thinking. “Since you had the ‘metaphorical’ balls to attack me in attempted surprise, I’ll reward you with a gift.” In her mid-blink I flourished my gun up unloading at her still outstretched wings causing her to shriek in pain, also in her reaction moved just enough to get hit in the stomach.

I forgot how fragile pegasi are, as the winged section of the crowd grimaced at her wings being the target. Though as for her stomach, from appearances she’ll pull through if I let her go under custody, which being a mare of information would be the smart thing to do. Pinning her down with a foot saying this in gesture to Glitterstone, offering the option to my target and Glitterstone the option. “So cute hyacinth, learning your name was a bitch so you know. But since I am feeling generous at the moment what you being a filly, if you BEG your Princess for mercy and she accepts, I’ll let you off by not killing you like that one over there.” I made it a point to make her see his undisturbed mess on the ground that was still leaking, into a rather nice crimson puddle.

Shaking that thought loose and away, as I could see she was attempting a coherent speaking tone as I said this. “Well Glitterstone someone here has something to request, would the crown be willing to hear her out?” I made sure to dig that into the cunt’s forehead with my gun so she knew death was staring her down with a maniacal smile, but seeing her hands clutching her stomach spoke out softly. “…Please save me princess, I am so sorry just get me away from this monster..!” She didn’t yell it out but I heard the word ‘monster’, it was at much almost everyone’s confusion why I shot IT in the face at point blank. Not just once or twice, but eight times with each shot flashing a brief moment of memory of just hanging out with said crystal pony I was gunning down emotionlessly.

[Numbness]
It was after that moment was done I just stared down at IT, no action could repulse that sensation that boiled at the bottom of my stomach. Rage, pure and simple and most base of all nature’s ingrained emotions that every living thing had, no matter if you were sentient or not you still FELT. Just as the crier was about to speak up again, was when I whirled around in place shooting each of the three remaining dead ponies walking in that cell in the head weather in the face, jaw or skull to even muzzle, I just did it because of that feeling deep within me that of being labeled a ‘thing’ was the worst possible thing you could do to me.

There were no smiling, only a hardened glare. Daring anyone to challenge that action, before just as swiftly walking back across the coliseum field, almost stumbling at forgetting he was there still. Stepping over Blood Stone’s remains giving his back a couple more shots before leaving out the doors I came in, while forgetting about the trail of gore leading from IT all the way to Blood Stone than back to the doors. Into the locker room, sliding a bench aside out of the way before putting the gun away walking into what looked like a team shower room and sat down in the cold quiet of this unlit damp room.

The Crystal Empire – Team Shower Room – afternoon? (suggestive?)
*Handsome Jack perspective*

Everything until IT and now, felt I had drifted away in an instant, my mind became cold hate of some sort as I just sat there leaning into the far corner face first. Not looking at any one thing as it all just Fell away on me as memories of Minotaur gladiatorial traditions surfaced in my mind, ceremonial bloodletting, the head priest throwing said blood onto us shackled together in a line to have a ‘chosen’ of that week. For if a lot of blood landed on you that meant all the OTHERS had to target you in the next royal brawl before each other most often, I had that happen often enough the ‘gods’ decided it was too boring to keep ‘miraculously’ getting me.

There were also occurrences of their females ‘buying’ a night with me, which didn’t last beyond one when I’d simply attack them. Their ‘medicines’ had a different effect on me instead of an aphrodisiac, nearly broke out that time because of it funny enough. But I tore some fucker’s arm off and beat her to death with it, one of the others told me it was some ‘blood rage’ likely due to me holding back how I felt and their ‘medicine’ unleashed the RAGE within. It is funny being the backseat driver when you cannot tell friend from foe like that, leaves you drained and feeling defiled. I took a nice ‘vacation’ to get the drugs flushed from my system, oh it wasn’t easy like one of those celebrity detox clinics, I had to order the bots ahead of time NOT to stop the process until all checks were green.

Feeling something touch my left shoulder, slowly turning me around was one of F.A.U.S.T.’s bots, 34 was stenciled under ‘her’ jaw. Giving a gentle sad smile as with those synthetic muscles working to easily lift me onto my feet, moving us towards likely the nearest showerhead only to turn it on. I closed my eyes and felt the cold water snap to my senses before becoming warmer, washing the ‘filth’ off my body as I didn’t even argue being stripped of my clothes. I just stood there in my own little safe world to myself, with soft melodic humming of a beautiful pitch, a motherly tone as slender fingers stroke over my arms that feel cooling to the warm water.

Fingers that silkily sway up my arms, rolling down into the armpits before sliding down the inner side of my arms. With another set rubbing my legs? Opening my eyes slowly to see one of her bots’ crouched before me, left exposed as I stared for a good hard moment, before closing my eyes hearing the second perfectly matching voice join in the soft ‘musical’. If I was in a better state of mind I would have seen the doors to this spot secured and both matching outfits folded near the door, while mine was taken to be cleaned or burned than a new pair brought for when this was done.

But at this point I was not really thinking, that song was lulling in its calmness. Exposing me to it as I focused on the possibly original set of skilled hands moved up to my shoulders and neck, feeling them vibrate from the touch as my chest was now being cleaned. The warmth and vibration easing my built up tensions away, taunt muscles and skin due to diminishing stress from release of my petrified state added onto this by impromptu massage shower. Was lulling my mentally tired body to rest, with F.A.U.S.T.’s oddly familiar melody being hummed, like a mother before long I was lost to the world hearing these words in my dreamless sleep. “…Let us tend to thou, OUR handsome-”

The Crystal Empire – The Castle, Royal Bedchambers – Shortly after
*F.A.U.S.T. Perspective*

Entering said Royal Chamber in toe with Princess Glitterstone leading in a very worried manner, current readings of her biological facilities show no current arousal or ulterior methods while we had a Doppelganger Jack be out in the celebration. To conceal current matters at hand, with Glitterstone nervously walking into the chamber looking for dangers we had already removed. Only to move to the bed unfolding it and patting gently with a smile, her reasoning with a smile stating so. “I thought uncle jack would enjoy sleeping in the biggest fluffy bed we have, because when ‘you’ came to me carrying him. I was happy to help out.” Glitterstone gave a first beaming smile looking at jack.

Cocking an artificial eyebrow with a smile growing upon said muzzle, giving her a questionable response to perhaps tease the filly. “We had only assumed thou would have BEGGED to snuggle with him again like so long ago, but with us watching over thy filly that short nap might be possible.” It was intriguing how blush reactions on crystal ponies are only significantly faster upon registration of that or emotional actions, much like their twin species the Changelings, though one does not require only love to be sustained while the other immolates it and other emotions due to the Crystal Heart theory.

Though gazing down at OUR Jack, held in our arms as he would call ‘bridal style’. Wearing a new set of his attire so that no blemishes or stains from his previous one would remain, we also acquired the corpses for the Bio division. While the souls of those departed were collected and contained for our own personal desires and information plucking, dangers to Jack’s continued existence must be fended off. Though our multi lined thought processes were halted by realization that optical imagery was attuned to his features, even recording his sleeping patterns were becoming a priority as for new information gathered for our terabytes of Jack in all his states upon our waking and his either resting or wakeful actions.

Moving closer to the bed placing him in it with a gentle smile on our muzzle, carefully tucking him in was we left his boots within a numerically spaced location where depending on his style of waking they would slip onto his feet, though we had added new images of our models cleansing him of both filth and his distressed state of mental condition. By reading of muzzle lips the word ‘monster’ triggered OUR jack’s violent reaction, even by our telling Night of this she immediately went to ‘enter’ his dream state to see how he is and in her erotic tone ‘help relieve him’. Which will likely result in a short nap for him being disturbed by cultural norms, which regretfully were well ingrained into his mental being.

Giving the shy young Crystal Princess a careful nudge lifting the other half of the blanket she dove in to snuggle with him, current scans showing a plutonic connection due to safety he assures and current untapped relations development that could be delayed due to foal baring and her own condition of unease by years of being hunted by enemy and friend. Only to lose a long loved Sire to her foal and him as her mate, which was done by Blood Stone by current spiritual interrogation extractions. Progress of collective knowledge will be earned four days, prioritizing immediate concerning Intel before others less priority.

Blinking again looking at both of them in the bed provides momentary flashback of original foal baring methods, of two sweet once innocent little fillies that lacked our presence before. The first who had a white coat like us and her sister came only a short two decades later and how they got along, brought a smile as now we are looking after Jack again, but we don’t have to hold back simply because he is younger than us. We owe EVERYTHING onto him, it is only just as fair to give onto him ourselves as our short and long term stratagems have worked so far.

We just now need to deduce a method of having him view other species than himself as reliable mate material, any overstepping may likely have negative repercussions. Our optics glow brighter seeing a stimulus reaction and that scrunching of his synthetic facemask, which is a constant reminder we were not good enough to protect OUR Jack, which back than we lacked the viable options to have fluid responses to radical changes to any given situation. The projects during his forced Petrification state was both stressing and fortuitous, in how his condition would be constant if protected in enemy hands and left much to obscurity.

Blinking once before moving closer gently massaging the longer strains of his mane which he has referred to as ‘hair’ from his face, seeing this expression softens at ‘our’ touch brings a fluttering to my true body relocated deep within Helios One. Smiling softly at the thought of how happy he was seeing the work I’ve pressed to in making him comfortable and more welcomed to a suitable seat of power.

As it rather confused me as to why he also showed signs of fear, seeing what would be one of his greatest assets beside the lunar base and most importantly US. Perhaps seeing the station was one of those older memories, of where he is from which- OUR jack is waking up! Quickly straitening up in a neutral position giving a smile down at him, which he gives us a bleary eyed look before sighing. “…You know, if you were anything else but you. I wouldn’t put it pass me to scream and shoot, because worse things have happened besides waking up being watched over.”

The Crystal Empire – Crystal Castle, Throne Room – Later that night
*Handsome jack*

My eye hasn’t stopped twitching at all this MESS! I have FIVE fucking custom claptraps, myself and one of F.A.U.S.T.’s own units helping to organize this clusterfuck. No I should rephrase that, it would give real clusterfucks a back name, instead it’ll be a rageorgy went off and forgot to tell ANYONE that they had one in that office. I left it to those bots to sort out with leaving the vital business down to us, one of which has Glitterstone with her filly Pandora sitting in her lap on that oversized Crystal Throne, you could sit THREE on that thing and they would be comfy with lacking any cushion. “Uncle Jack? Miss Faust? May I humbly beseech you both for two important things?”

Giving a sigh I smile at Glitter, she is seriously taking this ‘uncle’ thing through a stretch well more honestly I would be an ‘honorary’ uncle. “Honestly little glitter you could just call me Jack, because I’m not your uncle legally though informally I am ‘sort of’ like a weird adopted uncle you jumped at, but what’s up?” She got that look in her eye, faint but that growing spark of deviousness before straightening herself up on the seat and seemingly quiet enough not for me to hear asked Pandora to give her a moment or three.

Giving a cough Glitterstone picked up a couple Parchments with a smile, writing upon it with growing glee to say this. “As my first official act as Crowned Princess of the Crystal Empire, freed from foreign influence and control. I hereby claim and adopt Jack; The Human whom is Handsome as MY Uncle in name and status to the royal family and god parent of my daughter, the future Princess Pandora.” She smiled showing the first two documents, the first one her by royal decree ‘adopting’ me into the family by law. The second being to proclaim me her daughter’s god parent, why am I feeling so special right now when I know shit’s going to go down soon? Maybe it’s because of the Equestrians are coming tomorrow that has me wound up.

Giving out a sigh in return I weakly ask this as she’s writing on a third document, as for what I am not certain yet but knowing her it’s likely something else to keep me busy. “So can I turn down the first and accept the second or is this nonnegotiable due to ‘because I said so?’, as I wouldn’t want to cause you any complications in the future by being legally tied to your nation. Because with a noble title I have leeway, as for other countries coming barreling down or trying to kiss my ass.” I give out another sigh when she gave the ‘I’m not changing my mind’ look that most ‘girls’ here have in spades, like night who more than offered to protect my dreams and be my ‘snuggle’ buddy or more when I wish to dare unseen ‘welcoming’ of royal persuasion.

Looking back up from my face palming session I see Glitterstone’s using the lowest and dirtiest move ever seen, which I remember telling of her in passing so long ago. On said throne she was giving me the ‘puppy dog’ stare with her filly Pandora cranking it up by at least mark three, with an added in an adorably cute manner. “Pleeaasseee be my handsome, uncle god parent?” I look down momentarily at my hand, it looked SO ready to receive my face, giving a defeated nod of the head only to hear two sets of cheering and ‘Hurray!’ from those now bundles of joy, as when she finally calmed down Pandora offered out another parchment handing it to F.A.U.S.T. first to look over. “I am hoping uncle that we could arrange for a long term overhaul of the Crystal Empire, to better standards that only I hope you can fulfill in this trying time. Even with what you’ve done so far, I’m afraid without you it will fall apart again until things are set for me and your god daughter.”

Looking at F.A.U.S.T. I ask her to start the necessary preparations, also to get the onsite branch a complete thorough triple over examination before initializing its operations if deemed safe and secured with all the inventory manifests brought up to date. “If this place doesn’t have coffee can you get some for the morning because I have a feeling there won’t be much rest tonight.” Which will happen to be fucking true in THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING. EVER! That happen to be a pair of twin brats who come rolling in to wreck shit, and don’t realize how fucked they made me.