Round 1... Just Go For It Mare! Triumph Or Pie!
Disclaimer: My Little Pony Friendship is magic belongs to Hasbro, and likewise Street Fighter is the intellectual property of Capcom.
The Devil and the Dunce (A.K.A. Pinkie Pie vs Akuma/ Gouki)
By: Your Antagonist
Free Play Press Start
Japan: Abandoned Forest Temple
Far away from civilization, in the vicinity of an old shinto shrine, two warriors were locked in the hot-blooded embrace of battle. Their tempers flared as high as the blood-red moon that illuminated their conflict and masked their bloodshed. The epic length of destroyed forest land in their wake told they had been fighting for what a normal human being would perceive as two hours, but for them, it was only the beginning of the battle, and neither was ready to cede to the other’s strength quite yet. Monstrous stamina and combat techniques beyond the comprehension of the everyman filled the air and erupted in an audible titanic clash with each blow thrown. As their iron-willed constitutions clashed by way of fist to fist contact, it was evident that this had transcended the status of a simple contest to determine the strongest: this was a war of physical attrition, and neither would be content until they claimed the pyrrhic victory that awaited them at the end.
As testament to this fact, the combatant adorned in a severely torn white gi unleashed a wild torrent of punches at his rival, who parried and wove a path through the sea of fists, searching for a gaping opening in the attacker's offense. The combatant in the coal black gi was not accustomed to being on the defensive, and it showed in his tense yet poor guard posture. “Your defense is sloppy as ever, Akuma! And that will be your undoing!” shouted the fighter in white, as his fist blasted towards Akuma’s exposed midsection, connecting with a meaty Thump!
Akuma took the full force of the attack and barely flinched, his less-than-satisfactory reaction stripping the confident grin from his opponent’s lips.“And as always, your attacks are weak because you lack killing intent, Ryu!” Akuma shouted. Seizing Ryu’s exposed forearm, he flipped Ryu to the ground in one swift motion and delivered a swift, superhumanly strong kick to his ribs, sending Ryu flying deeper into the dark forest.
“When will you understand that you’ll never best me unless you allow your rage to flow forth from your fists?!” Akuma called after his quarry before stomping deeper into the woodline. “Why do you continue to reject the power of hatred, Ryu? Has Gouken truly clouded your mind with his talk of peace? Embrace the Satsui No Hadou, and awaken your true potential!”
The only response Akuma received was the hum of cicadas. A moment later, the faint blue glow of an unknown light drew his attention. It was growing brighter with with each passing second. Akuma cocked an eyebrow as the light suddenly died in luminosity, and reappeared just as quickly, twice as bright, and accompanied by the word “Hadouken!” Akuma jerked his neck to the right, allowing the blue wave of energy to soar past, before burrowing itself into a tree with loud explosion that scattered rocks and tree bark upon the venue.
Akuma grunted and brushed the bark off of his shoulder before resuming his trek towards the attack’s origin. Another flash of blue light signaled the birth of another wave of ki that would soon race forth to greet Akuma’s flesh. Akuma’s body reacted on instinct, his footfalls becoming heavier and more rapid as he quickened his pace to a sprint. “Hadou—”
Hearing this, Akuma leapt into the air, focusing the ki energy within his own body through his hands, encasing them in a bright purple aura.
“—ken!”
The blue energy illuminated the clearing for the second time, speeding towards the still-airborne Akuma, who thrust his palms forth one after the other, sending his murderous intent in a salvo of similar but smaller ki waves. The beams clashed with their larger blue kin and exploded in a flash of candescent sparks, while the surviving waves pressed forward, threatening to engulf the ground below. A moment later, the onslaught of lavender ki-blasts dissipated into theterra firmabelow, summoning clouds of dust and rock as they impacted.
Akuma hit the ground moments after and scoured the the surrounding area for any sign of Ryu’s whereabouts, but his own attack had turned the battlefield against his already-impaired sense of sight. He heard the crackling of leaves and sticks from behind himself. He whirled around only to be greeted by an ash-covered foot as it connected with his jaw.
Akuma stumbled backwards and ducked as another kick flew towards his chest. It was clear that Ryu—perhaps sensing the conclusion of the battle was close at hand—had no intention of letting up against Akuma, as he leapt spinning off the ground, his leg rotating with the force of a hurricane as he shouted: “Tatsumaki Senpukyaku!”
Akuma leapt backwards to avoid the barrage of kicks, while granting himself momentum as he hit the ground, backflipped and planted his feet on the trunk of a nearby tree. Akuma sprang forth from the trunk, his fist trailing behind as he closed the distance between himself and still-recovering Ryu who had been left exposed to attack. What Akuma hadn’t counted on was that Ryu was actually preparing for another attack that would take advantage of Akuma’s airborne state. “Shoryuken!” the white gi’d fighter announced as he thrust his fist and himself into the air, having anticipated Akuma’s flight path.
Akuma, having anticipated Ryu’s actions, grinned. “You’re too slow, boy!” Akuma threw his trailing arm forward, seizing Ryu’s exposed arm, and flipped him downwards into the dirt. Never one to slack when on the offense, Akuma drove his palm into Ryu’s chest, collapsing it inwards with the audible snapof a rib separating itself from Ryu’s skeletal structure. “Kongou Kokuretzu Zan!” A pulse of dark energy radiated from his hand and conducted itself through Ryu’s body, sinking the fighter into a crater as the sheer pressure of the wave expanded and destroyed the ground underfoot.
When the demonic energy dissipated, Akuma stood as the victor, yet he was still unsatisfied. There was a seething hatred that he could not rid himself of, a sense of incompleteness, as if the win had been far too easy. Had Ryu succumbed to the power of hatred, Akuma might have found reason to go all out, but instead he reserved himself, and though it was against his nature, he spared Ryu the abysmal release of death in hopes that one day the fool would accept true power and present a worthy challenge.
In his rising frustration, Akuma turned to the stars and bellowed his desires to some higher life-form as though it were a twenty-four hour complaint hotline.“Is there no one who can stand as my equal?! Is there no one to quench my battle lust!?”Akuma stomped the ground and left a small crater in the wake of his foot.“I demand a challenge! I demand to be sated! Is there no one on this planet— no, this universe that can hold even a candle to me!?” There was silence as the only witnesses to the demon’s outburst for miles were trees and an unconscious Japanese man with the ability to hurl overpowered fireballs. Akuma snorted and began to stomp off when a faint white glow from behind beckoned his attention. It was almost as though the universe had responded to him with all the speed and grace of dial-up connection. Akuma fixed his eyes on the swirling white vortex. He began advancing upon it slowly, one hand outstretched. Cautiously, he poked the vortex with a finger, and then with his whole hand. He pulled his appendage out of the vortex and observed it for a moment before acknowledging that the vortex was reasonably safe, and without a moment’s hesitation he threw himself into the stream bodily.
Unknown Location: Sunlit Clearing
Akuma stepped out of the vortex and shielded his eyes as the fierce light of day flooded his vision. It had been night when he left, and the trip through the portal had been brief, bordering on instant. He relied on his other senses to convey this new environment as his eyes recovered.. The sensation of soft lush grass beneath his feet coupled with the sound and scent of sweet forest air that filled his nostrils told him that he was in similar forest to the one he’d just left. As he opened his eyes, his mind drank in the images that slowly came into focus: trees he’d never seen before, strange creatures he couldn’t readily identify scurrying about. The demon’s awe of his new environment quickly turned to boredom and evident disinterest. The vortex as far as he was concerned hadn’t been sent to him so he could gawk at some silly woodland. No, this was a battlefield, and through his careless entrance he’d already given his enemy the upper hand by letting his own guard down.
Akuma whipped his head up and around, scanning for some sign of the sly fox he’d been summoned to battle. The attack could have come at a moment’s notice, and he’d never know what hit him until it was too late. It was like a psychological torture game, not knowing where or what the enemy was capable of, and Akuma was enjoying every second of it in some covertly masochistic fashion. A sudden crunching of leaves from behind captivated his senses and he turned, fists raised, to face a lone rabbit that wet itself upon eye contact and hopped away just as quickly as it had come. Akuma snorted and turned around yet again, almost embarrassed that he had been put on edge by a mere rabbit.
“Hi there! I haven’t seen you around here before, you must be new!” A new voice gushed from behind Akuma, prompting the martial artist into action as he turned and threw a wild punch at the source of the noise. However, the whole scenario played out far differently than he’d planned, as the course of his fist was halted by two pink hooves that gripped his hand tightly. Akuma did a double take when he looked into the face of the one who held his hand with adamant constitution: it was a tiny pink horse scarcely taller than his waist, its face adorned with a toothy grin that reflected an absurd amount of sunlight. The horse began shaking his fist up and down wildly— but more so to Akuma’s shock—it spoke again. "I’m Pinkie Pie, what’s your name?”
Akuma's eye twitched uncontrollably as his brain struggled to keep up with the information his eyes were providing, when the tiny horse spoke again while shifting its head from left to right. “Helllllloooooo, anypony home?” The horse began poking Akuma in the forehead before moving her hooves to his cheeks and squishing them together, clearly amused by the odd shapes and consistency the lumps of flesh could be molded into. It wasn’t until she decided to nibble on his neckbeads that he decided to pay her antics any mind. Akuma grasped her tail and flung the pink pony away with a flick of his wrist, sending it tumbling into the dirt. She picked herself up and dusted herself off, all the while affixing an irritated scowl to her abuser. “Hey, what did you do that for?”
Akuma ignored the question as he adopted his fighting stance, easily towering over the tiny horse.
“He, he, he, you look silly! I wish I had a name for you though... I know, how about... Mr. Pebbles!” It was clear that whatever the creature in front of him was, it’s earlier display of strength showed that it surely possessed combat skill great enough to be recognized by whatever higher power had summoned him to this unknown plain. A creature that could present a challenge to him: the self-proclaimed and battle proven Supreme Master of The Fist.
“Ooh, ooh, look at this rock, it looks like a lemming!”
A combatant with powers that could pose a threat to the greatest user of the Satsui no Hadou, perhaps even strong enough to force Akuma to fight all out. There would be nothing left of the forest after this conflict, for the sheer clash of their souls set ablaze by the flames of conflict and raw destruction alone would level the surrounding area. Yet, at this moment, the ultimate power was fascinated with chasing its own tail. It looked so adorable as it hopped over to a nearby flower and gave it a massive sniff. He had never seen a more captivating marvel of—
Akuma shook his head to rid himself of his divergent thoughts. It had to have been a ploy, the horse was leading him astray, into a false sense of security, but Akuma would not be fooled. If he were to decide this contest he would have to make the first move, and make the first move he did. Akuma rushed in and decided to test the horse’s skill by swinging his leg in a merciless roundhouse kick at the horse’s snout. His foot was on a collision course with the off-guard equine who was still invested in the flower, when she suddenly ducked beneath his strike. Akuma realized quickly how vulnerable his attack had rendered him. He quickly hopped backwards bringing his guard up as he did so. And yet no harm came to him. He looked to his adversary, half expecting her to chuckle condescendingly at his brash effort, and half-expecting a counter-attack worthy of martial genius.
What he was not expecting to find was Pinkie Pie chewing the the roots of the flowers she had taunted him with, staring a hole through his soul with her joyous bubbly blue eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry, did you want some? I mean I ate all of the flowers, but I suppose I could spit them out and then we could share, I mean if you’d really want to eat that. It’d be all chewed up and regurgitated and junk, but Twilight says that she read about colts who are into that kind of thing. I won’t judge you if you are.”
She was toying with him. Akuma advanced on the mare again, raining a squall of fists on Pinkie Pie, who took quick notice and even quicker action by rolling along behind his physical outburst.
“Oh, I get it! You wanna play tag!” Pinkie Pie dodged another combination with the grace of a leaf in a breeze. “Well, let me warn you, I play hardcore with Dashie, and you’re nowhere near as fast as she is!”
Akuma planted his feet and threw his palm forth with force that could level large boulders, yet for the effort he exerted, his attack wasn’t fast enough and only managed to capture a tuft of her mane. It was truly a disheartening moment for the demon, but then he noticed a change in the horse.
“Awww, ya caught me. I guess I’m it now! Ready or not here I come!”
Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.
At the very least Akuma should have felt that he had some semblance of a chance against an opponent of her stature. Yet, the mare’s hooves drove closer and closer, he sensed something he hadn’t felt but once in his lifetime. He was certain that many of his previous opponents had their fill of the emotion when facing him: it was hopelessness. Her hoofswings were definitely less disciplined and far less calculated than his punches, but they packed so much more ferocity, speed and feral dominance that they made up for their shortcomings in spades. For a moment he pondered whether or not the horses on this planet had evolved to hunt and kill for sport.
“Pinkie Pie’s gonna get ya, Mr. Pebbles!” It didn’t take long for Pinkie Pie to make good on her promise either. Months upon months of playing tag with a pegasus who spent so much time in the sound barrier that she should pay it rent, had given the pink pony reflexes that easily surpassed the perception the naked eye, allowing her to easily keep the pressure on Akuma. He was barely dodging each of her vicious assaults, and it seemed as though the end of this fruitless struggle was nearing its end as she drove closer and closer with each hoofswing. “Gotcha, you’re it Mr. Pebbles!” Pinkie’s hoof softly poked Akuma in the chest, causing Akuma to leap away in shock and agitation. “Hey, you’re not supposed to hop away, you’re it!”
Akuma faced the pink menace and put his hands together, summoning ki energy to his palms, allowing his hatred to be given form. He held this blast, allowing it to take on a more ethereal state that scorched his unprotected hands, he summoned pure fire. Akuma sighted the quickly advancing pony and thrusted his palms, expelling the blast of fire towards the insane creature. In his shaken state however, he missed completely and utterly, the flaming ki energy adjoining itself to a rather chilly-looking tree. Pinkie didn’t so much as bat an eyelash.
“Oooohh, neat trick... do it again, do it again!” In the back of his mind Akuma had convinced himself that this was the punchline to a horrible joke of some sort. There was no conceivable way that a hilariously undersized talking horse was making a mockery of decades of martial arts practice, murder, and general mayhem. He had lain waste to far too many men and naval submarines for this scenario to actually occur, and he had just the technique to prove it.
“What’re you gonna do next, what’re you gonna do next? Are you gonna spit fire through your nose? Oh, oh, can you uh... ummm...”
Akuma spread his legs and moved his fist to the side as he began focusing his remaining ki energy through his body, and irradiated from his being an aura of red and black hell-fire. This technique that could tear the heavens asunder, and grant a man one thousand deaths in an instant: The Shun-Goku-Satsu, better known as the Instant Hell Murder.
“Prepare yourself!” His shout was laced with the air of dominance that could only be mustered by a man who was on the path to utterly dominating the battlefield. Raising one leg, the flames underfoot propelled him towards the pony with inhuman speeds. While she may have had the time to escape, jump over him, or even throw rocks like so many others had done in the past to avoid the attack, she instead chose to stand on her hind legs ,her forelegs open in a waiting embrace. It was commendable of the little pony to challenge the might and disparity of the Shun-Goku-Satsu with her odd counter-technique, but no one who had seen this technique lived to convey the experience to others. It was a one way trip to the afterlife. Akuma was finally within slaughter distance, and he reached forward, seizing the pony by her shoulders. “Die one thousand deaths!”
Pinkie Pie ignored his senseless war cry and nuzzled his belly with her head, tightening her grip around his waist, causing him to look down in a utter confusion. In all of his years massacring both the willing and the unwilling, he’d never had anyone hug him for obvious reasons such as hygiene, the bloodstains on his hands, or the simple fact that he was about to murder them in the most excruciating way imaginable. But for some unfathomable reason, where countless battle-christened warriors had balked in fear, this one ludicrous pastel horse stood and embraced its imminent demise with a smile. This behavior was truly baffling to the demon.
“Mmmm... you smell like coal Mr. Pebbles. We should get you a bath.” Pinkie Pie hummed as she nuzzled even further into the hug, completely oblivious to the fact that the sky slowly began to grow dark. If there was one mercy the Shun-Goku-Satsu provided, it was that the receiver would transition from the realm of the living to the afterlife under a veil of darkness. “Fancy trick, how’d you turn off the sun?” Pinkie Pie snuggled deeper into his stomach, looking up only to make direct diabetes-inducing eye contact just before the surrounding area was engulfed in a shadow of impending death. “Well, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want too. You’re still my friend, Mr. Pebbles.”
There was nothing to keep him from ending her life now, except for the warming sensation that radiated from her cheeks to his belly. Every instinct was howling for him to end the battle once and for all. He certainly had her at a disadvantage, and there would be no escape or recovery after he began. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Something in the back of his mind convinced him otherwise. It was a slow coaxing, conflicting with his sense of mercilessness. While half of him wanted to destroy, the other half wanted to indulge in this tender embrace. Finally he gave in to his impulses and bent down, seizing the pony in arms before constricting her to his chest with a gentle yet firm squeeze. The darkness dissipated; the sun broke through to illuminate the tender embrace of an incredibly filthy homeless man cuddling with his little pony, and all was right with the world as they laid down and fell asleep in the soft grass of the meadow.
Round 1: Draw!
Japan: Abandoned Forest Temple
Akuma awoke slowly to the sound of rushing wind, and the first faint red rays of the early morning sun. He sat up slowly, the bruises on his body screaming as he maneuvered himself to a stand, and though it was painful, he’d manage. With a glance over his shoulder, he took note that Ryu was still in the crater, and probably had been all night. The poor bastard needed medical attention urgently, but Akuma would be damned if he was the one to provide it. Demons needed to maintain their image, and sharing kindness was certainly not an easy feat for him to begin with.
Akuma glanced around the clearing to ensure that Ryu was unconscious and the there were no further onlookers. When he was satisfied that he was alone, he reached into the shirt of his gi and pulled out a familiar pink object. Granted it was about thirty times smaller and made of plastic. With his other free hand he reached back into his pocket and pulled out a small plastic comb that he began running through the hair of the doll.
“One day, Pinkie Pie. One day we’ll be together,” he whispered to the doll as he walked down the path of destroyed trees, using them as markers to return to civilization. A soft breeze rolled through the treetops, scooping up stray dust and dried grass that had accrued during the time Akuma had spent asleep. As the winds blew, they caught another whimsical hitchhiker to carry into the sunset, and perhaps even the skyline: a tuft of fluffy bright pink hair.
Thanks for Playing
