The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of

Humphrey Bogart entered the tree-house/library as if he was entering the Soviet Union for the first time; with caution and hesitation. He saw that the interior was also made out of wood (boy, Ponyville’s fire department must have one HELL of a workday with all these flammable materials…) with burnt-out candles to the side of the room, ready to illuminate the house when night fell. An owl rested on a perch near a windowsill, still sleeping as it was daylight. Twilight and Fluttershy was sitting on cushions in the far end of the room, patiently waiting for him to come over. A small bed, the kind you see dogs sleep in with the label of “Spike” was visible upstairs, currently unoccupied.

Bogart walked past the bookshelves as he went further in the room and idly scanned the titles, only to find he had never heard of any of them. But none of that mattered now. Now he only wanted answers.

“All right, you two…” Bogart said as he sat down on the floor, crossing his legs in an attempt to appear non-threatening as he extinguished his cigarette with his fingers and flicked it into a trash can nearby. “I’ve got a lot of questions for you.”

“We’ll be happy to help you in any way possible, Mr. Bog Art.”

“That’s…ah, never mind. First things first…what IS this place?” Bogie said as he looked around the room, wondering how...horses, of all animals, could make this!

“Well, as I’ve told you, this town is called Ponyville.”

“Yeah, real creative naming there. Go on.” Bogart sarcastically remarked.

“And the land that we’re in is called Equestria. There are many other towns and cities such as Cloudsdale, Fillydelphia, Marehatten, Appleloosa, Las Pegasus...” Twilight said before his thoughts interrupted

Sweet mother of God. Those names…these horses have the exact same cities as Earth does. What are the odds of that?! Must be something like a million to one! How is that even possible?! It must be some kind of evolutionary thing…perhaps he should ask about that too…

“Maybe a visual aid might help you understand better.” Twilight said, seeing Bogart’s face puzzled in thought. Twilight, using her horn, levitated a globe that was sitting on a writing table toward Bogart. Bogart gawked at the sphere that was hovering in front of him and reached out to touch it. It was there, floating before him in a purple glow.

“See, THIS is where we are now.” Twilight said as she spun the globe with a violet aura and then stopped, indicating a small mass of land that was presumingly Ponyville. But Bogart wasn’t interested in where he way anymore. He had a bigger discovery on his mind.

“…How…how do you do that?!” Bogart said with amazement at the levitating globe in front of him.
“Do what?” Twilight asked. For her, it was like picking something up and carrying it to him. She couldn’t fathom what Mr. Bog Art found so intriguing about her action.

“THAT! You…the globe…it’s floating in midair! How are you doing that?” Humphery shouted in sheer awe at something so mindblowing to a man like him.
“Magic.” Twilight replied as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
“No, really. Tell me how you’re doing that.” Bogart chuckled.

“I told you, it’s magic. All of us unicorns have it. The pegasi here are good at flying while the Earth ponies have connections with the ground. We all have some kind of magic.” Twilight replied as she eyed him curiously. Could it be that this thing didn’t know what magic was?

“Don’t you believe in magic, Mr. Bogart?” Fluttershy piped up.

“Magic. You mean like kid birthday parties magic, cheap acts in vaudeville shows magic or... real magic?”

“What do you mean by REAL magic, Mr. Bog Art?”
“…Christ, how do I explain this…uh…try making something come out of thin air without moving a muscle. If you can do that, then I’ll believe you. ” Humphrey said, leaning back. He didn't expect her to take his challenge.

“Well…here goes nothing!” Twilight said as she concentrated for a moment. It appeared that she was thinking very hard about something, her horn glowing with the intensity of an IMAX projector. Bogart shielded his eyes from the purple haze, as did Fluttershy. Finally, a white rose appeared out of nowhere. Twilight grinned triumphantly, as she levitated the rose into Bogart’s hands. His face was as if someone had told him that he just won a Nobel Prize; that of complete shock and disbelief.

“Oh, wonder of wonders…” Bogart mustered as he looked at the flower in amazement, turning it over in shock. It was unbelievable! Incredible! To think that these creatures have mental powers that mankind can only dream of! It was both amazing and depressing to realise this as he knew exactly what would happen if man could do this. But enough of that for now. There were still many more questions that needed to be answered.

“My God…this is just…incredible! Truly amazing! If only we...erm, let’s get back to business. I couldn’t help but notice you have those tattoos on your backs. What are they for? Are they some kind of a serial number; a way to identify yourself?”
“Oh, no, Mr. Bog Art. These are our cutie marks.” Twilight replied with a giggle at Mr. Bog Art's incorrect assumption.

“…Uh…”

“And they appear once a pony finds out what they’re good at. For example, my cutie mark represents my use of magic, whereas Fluttershy’s shows her skill with animals. There’s all different kinds of cutie marks for almost anything in the limits of the imagination.”

“…Wait, you mean whenever you find your talent…ANY talent at all…they show up?”
Twilight nodded.

“Ha! Wish I could have had one, it would have saved me a while serving in the navy, that’s for sure…not that I regret it...”

“...Your kind doesn’t have Cutie Marks?” Twilight said, befuddled at the thought of Mr. Bog Art’s kind not being able to show what they’re good at easily.

“Uh…no. Back where I’m from, we have to find out what we’re good at on our own. Sometimes it takes a very long time but everyone finds a niche eventually. People do many things until they find out what they’re good at. Hell, like I said, I served in the military before I became an actor! Even that took time to get where I am today! One of my first pictures was a budget basement Lugosi film, Return Of Dr. X. I was the good doctor.” Bogart paused as he saw the confused looks on their faces. "What I'm basically trying to say here is that...talent takes time. It doesn't just go *poof* and it's on your back! You've got to practice."

“That’s how Cutie Marks work!”
“…Huh…Well, let’s move on. What kind of government do you have?”
Blank stares. That was something that he would have to get used to around these parts.

“Who’s your leader?” Bogart decided to keep it as simple as possible for the ponies, unaware that none of them ever knew of ANY other kind of government.
“Why, Princess Celestia of course.”

Oh, here we go, an autocratic system. Just what he needed. One person or pony or whatever having power over everyone else… Princess Celestia is watching you. ALWAYS.

“Right. Go on.” Bogart said, hiding his disgust with the prospect of having to suck up to some spoiled rich girl. He had enough of those back home, always thinking they were the best thing since sliced bread.
“She’s an alicorn. That means she’s a unicorn with pegasi wings.”
“Wait, how can she have bot-”

“And she’s the one who controls the sun.” Twilight interrupted. “Her sister, Luna controls the moon at night and together, they keep time going!”

“You mean…someone CONTROLS the sun and the moon?! No. I’m sorry. That’s…THAT’S too farfetched for me.”
“What do you mean?”

“Your planet rotates…or it should rotate… around the axis of the sun. That means that it spins round and round it and it takes 365 days…or however long a full year is here to make a full rotation. The moon should only be visible on one side of your planet after the sun sets. When the moon is up on this side of the planet, it’s sunny on the other side. That’s how the movement of time works. But solar bodies being CONTROLLED…and you can live with that kind of power being given to one person…I mean, pony?” Bogart said as he wondered how they could possibly FATHOM having such a system. It always meant bad news back on Earth with those kind of rulers…

“Why wouldn’t we? She’s wise and kind and giving and powerful. She’s a very good leader.”

“And her sister’s nice once you get to know her.” Fluttershy meekly said.

“Yeah, well, where I come from, those kind of people get too big for their boots, ya’ get me?”

Wait. What if this Celestia woman is a…benign dictator? Yeah, like what Plato or Socrates or whoever said in that one theory. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with her. Ah, Bogie, you screwed up again, always focusing on the negative side! You stupid, stupid man! Seeing Twilight’s shocked expression hurt his heart as Bogart decided to apologise for his comments.

“Uh…sorry I jumped to conclusions, I’m sure that this Celestia dame is swell and it’s none of my business to criticise her like that. It’s just that history on my world hasn’t been the kindest to absolute monarchs. Let’s put it that way. So…how does this princess of yours control every single town?”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that about your rulers. What happened to them?”

“…They were forced to abidicate their thrones, but they still kept a large amount of power, just not as much as they used to. Many historians have criticised them for various reasons.” Bogart quickly lied. He had recently decided to keep certain Earth knowledge away from them such as the French and Russian revolutions, the World Wars, the Spanish Civil War and the Kentucky Derby out of fear that they would shun him. He’d never see his racehorses at home the same way again, that’s for sure!

“Huh. Maybe I should ask you some questions some time, Mr. Bog Art.”

“Yeah, we’ll do that some other time…now about MY question…”

“Oh, sorry! We have an elected mayor here, Mayor Mare.”

“The old Mayor Mare; she ain’t what she used to be, ain’t what she used to be, ain’t what she used to be.” Bogart softly sang with a chuckle in his voice.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing. Just a little joke. So…you have some democracy but you’re ruled by an autocratic leader…” Bogart said.

This kind of society would stump every economist and politician on Earth. It truly was a paradox…one person holds all the power and yet free elections are ran to decide who rules the towns. However, they have to report back to the princess who presumingly has the power to remove them from position...and then new elections are held… but if…
It made his head hurt to think about it as Bogie decided to switch topics.

“…Who’s Spike?” Humphery asked turning his head towards the bed on the second floor.

“Huh?” Twilight said, turning from a conversation she was having with Fluttershy.

“Spike. I saw a little bed labeled Spike. Is he your pet or something?”

“Oh no, Mr. Bog Art. Spike is my assistant. He’s currently away in Canterlot on royal business and he won’t be back until Monday.”

“Is he a horse like you?”

“No, he’s a dragon. And we prefer to be called Ponies, Mr. Bog Art.
”
Sure, dragons. Why not? At this stage in the game, Bogart wouldn’t be surprised if tap-dancing elves came into play. A world where everything realistic is fantasy and everything fantastic is real…it would never cease to boggle his mind, not if he stayed here for a thousand years.

“Well…thanks for setting some things straight. If you’ll excuse me, I want to just stretch my legs for a while…” Humphrey said as he hoisted himself off the cushions and walked towards the window, looking at the town and the inhabitants before him...
Humphrey Bogart basked in the sights of the town, occasionally chuckling in disbelief at the situation he had found himself in as he wondered what he would do in this strange land...