Pink and Yellow Ain't My Color
Waking up on the bare floor in an noisy animal filled cottage with hay in my hair wasn't what I'd planned for my Sunday vacation. But then again planned things never did seem to go well in life.
I should be glad the situation had given me a silver lining though. Me being one of the most adorable ponies in the show is a pretty awesome after all if you ask me. I actually had to hold back a squee once I realized who the pink hair and yellow hooves belonged to. Well not who they belonged to in the literal sense but the metaphorical sense given I was her for the time being.
Once the excitement high of being Fluttershy ran out of my system I found myself feeling a teensey bit queasy over the matter as well. Being an element of harmony is in itself no doubt a huge responsibility but adding on top of that the responsibility of having a body and demeanor that is super model worthy and strong enough to melt the hearts of most of the fandom is stressful. I honestly don't think I'll be able to match up to those standards.
I could actually feel myself falling into a fainting spell as t he blood rushed down but I stomped a hoof and righted my wavering self until it all came back. How does Fluttershy even do it? How does she handle being so cute and shy all the time without having a nervous breakdown every other day? I mean she has to be aware of her cuteness on some level and the attention it draws. I mean how couldn't she be? She strikes me as the type to be very mindful of the gazes of those around her so she'd probably do anything to catch the public eye less often. That would include being less cute! Though ironically maybe it's those tendencies of attempts at dodging attention that make her stick out even more. Poor Flutters.
Fluttering my wings irritably I groaned and face hoofed. Unnoticed by me however the animals in the cottage had all for the most part gone quiet upon my "arrival" and have been slowly backing away from me since.
Blissfully unaware of their continually growing fear I continued my rambling train of thought as I tapped a hoof against the bottom of my muzzle. I figured looking like Fluttershy and acting like her would be sort of easy. After all I'd just have to shy away from most of the ponies in town and say as little as possible when spoken to which given my current predicament and inner emotional stability I felt wouldn't require much acting.
Her friends however? Hoo boy that was gonna be a toughy. If there was anypony that would notice something was amiss it would be them but even if I did manage to fool them I doubted I'd be able to fool the mystical element of harmony itself that I'm supposed to represent. What am I to do during a crisis?
I sighed. I guess I'd just have to hope that nothing goes wrong during my hopefully temporary stay.
I didn't feel the paw that tapped against my hoof the first time, nor the second time so lost was I in my thoughts. In fact I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't even notice the jumping rabbit in my vision that followed it right after. It's paws were waving madly as it tried to catch my attention with incomprehensible squeaks. What did catch my attention though was the paw that met my muzzle, HARD.
With an involuntary squeak of my own I fell backwards and immediately covered my sensitive muzzle with both hooves.
"What the heck was that for?!" I yelled.
I realized my mistake way too late. Rule number one with frightened cornered critters is that you don't make loud sudden noises.
My little outburst in itself was probably not too loud but the fact that it came from Fluttershy was in no doubt what scared the animals more than anything. I was already acting weird and to them something felt wrong on a fundamental level as well. My actions only confirmed their fears which is probably why the animals reacted as if I'd dropped a bomb in the room.
I ejected myself from the home before the ensuing chaos could completely suck me up into its tornado of misery where claws, fangs, and fur mingled viciously. I'd tried to reason with them and calm them down but after the first dozen or so scratches and hisses at my face I couldn't take it anymore. For some reason each and every denial had really sent a deep stabbing heart down into my soul, ones that hurt more than the claws would inflict.
With a heavy sigh I leaned against the door. Pressing my face into my hooves I tried to stall the tears and slow my wildly beating heart but that was put on hold when I heard shouting.
"Fluttershy?!"
With a look of surprised that mirrored their own I found the rest of the mane 6 standing on the bridge that led to my humble home, their jaws almost touching the ground at my disheveled slightly bloody self. Their jaws were probably also dropped at my failure to keep the animals under control now that I think about it.
They got over it quickly though, galloping collectively to my side as they fussed over me whilst shooting questions off a mile a minute.
"Are ya alright Fluttershy?"
"What happened in there!?"
"What happened to your muzzle?"
"Were... Were you crying darling?"
"What the hay is going on here Flutters?"
Remembering when I questioned myself why Fluttershy would act so cute at the most inopportune of moments I now realize just how out of her control that was to her and me it would seem.
Curling up into a little shaky ball I couldn't help but continually squeak in response to the barrage of questions thrown in my direction. Each one growing more heated than the last. I tried steeling myself weird the thought that, if I didn't do something quickly things would only escalate but Rainbow Dash took the matter out of my hooves.
I eeped and hid myself behind my hooves when she forcibly lifted me off the floor and turned me to face the others. Once she'd landed me on my haunches and my hooves were forced to the ground to maintain my balance I could only blubber incoherently in response when their questions started up again. At least that was until my long pink hair actually provided me with some modicum of comfort when it fell and covered my eyes and muzzle. Needless to say the girls all stopped when the relative safety of my hair made me lower my guard long enough for a sniffle to escape. All I could do afterwards during the long drawn out silence was keep quiet myself whilst pawing at the ground while as I awkwardly stole glances at them before quickly looking away.
"Fluttershy?" I jumped quite harshly at the contact and let out a terrified eep as I pulled away which made Twilight get a hurt look that I immediately felt bad for. As I tried to force myself back towards her hoof she instead pulled herself away, throwing me a nervous but sad smile instead.
"Are you alright darling?"
I jumped yet again at the hoof contact but unlike Twilight's I'd seen it coming so it was a considerably more tame reaction. Rarity had slowly reached out for me and once her hoof reached me she stood by my side, her hoof placed placatingly over my shoulder with her presence exuding nothing but support and concern for my well being. I couldn't help but smile slightly at the display and dry away some of my tears.
Well... Fluttershy's well being I noted dryly. As my expression fell once again.
"Girls I.."
I was interrupted by the door slamming open behind me followed by a stampede of animals returning to the Everfree Forest. One by one they ran by me without even so much as a backward glance. A couple of them actually slammed into me in their haste to leave and the tears threatened to come once again when I noticed only one remained.
Angel stood at the door, his arms crossed and his ears pulled back angrily. I tried slowly reaching out a hoof to him but with what almost sounded like a snarl he slammed the door shut.
By the time the dust had settled I was being collectively embraced by the clueless but supportive elements as the tears flowed freely.
Pink and Yellow Isn't My Color
I was back home, in the old college dormitories I'd spent so many of my happier years. A sense of déjà vu hit me as I walked down the halls, a familiar tune playing from one of the other dorms as I found myself settling into some of my older habits. My keys jingling as I threw them obnoxiously about in the air, my lips whistling a little tune as stepped inside my dorm.
"Sweetie you here?"
I set the keys down in the bowl by the door, my whistling coming to a stop as I started to grow worried.
"Sweetie?"
I rounded the corner and found her sitting on the couch. Her hands covering her face as she shook gently with what I realized were quiet sobs.
"Snow?" I breathed, my hands shaking as my earlier sense of déjà vu morphed into recognition. The phone on the table, the song playing down the hall, her on the couch crying with a torn up letter on the floor... I remembered it all.
Numbly I sat down next to her, my body moving on autopilot as I put a hand on her shoulder before wrapping my an arm around her for both her sake and mine.
I thought I was past all of this. That I'd come to terms with it but as I was booted out of my body and forced to watch the memory unfold before me I found out just how wrong I was.
"Whats wrong?" I asked. My body moving its own accord as it leaned down to gently kiss her cheek.
That's when she threw herself at me, shaking uncontrollably as the tears streamed down her face and onto my chest. Her sobbing escalating into full blown wailing.
"I... I have cancer..."
The silence was palpable. I screamed inside my head, anger sparking at whatever cruel deity was forcing me to go through this again. I punched, kicked, and tried to claw my way out but when I was suddenly given control of my body I stopped. My anger fading almost immediately with her in my arms. Her warmth, her soul soothing me. With a shaky sigh I pulled her in close, savoring the smell of lilies that always accompanied her.
"I... It's so unfair." She sobbed. "I was a good girl. I lived the way god and my parents wanted me to. I didn't do drugs, didn't drink alcohol, or I smoke but I still..."
Her grip on me grew tighter. "Why is god Punishing me Chris? Why is he taking you away from me?"
I held back a choked sob. "I don't know Snow..."
"Why can't I stay with you... You're all that I want... All that I'd ever want.... Why can't I at least have that?"
My jaw tightened and I desperately kept my eyes shut. Cursing under my breath as I kept the tears at bay. My arm tightening protectively around her as I composed myself.
"You have me Snow... You'll have me for as long as you want me Snow. I promise you that."
I kissed the top of her head.
"I'm yours forever."
When I opened my eyes again I was at the bar. The old run down Millers Bar with a shotgun hanging over its door and the cheapest booze in the city.
Snow was there too. A multitude of bottles scattered about her as the bartender watched on disinterestedly, a rag in one hand as he wiped down the counters.
I stepped forward. "Snow let's go home." I quietly whispered, placing a hand on her shoulder.
She shrugged me off before I could move to wrap my arm around her however. Grumbling Snow pressed her head down onto the counter.
"Fuck off Chris."
I flinched in shock but tried my best to hide it. I needed to be strong for her right now. I couldn't afford to be all sensitive.
Steeling myself I placed my hand on her shoulder once again and tried gently tugging.
"Let's go Snow... This stuff isn't good for you."
But this time... She exploded.
"FUCK OFF CHRIS!" She screamed with an angry swipe of her arm.
When she lifted her head off the table I could see just how had she really was. "You aren't the one with cancer! You aren't the one who's going to be dying in less than five months!"
"Snow.." I tried interjecting.
"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" Snow sobbed.
Channeling her grief she threw her keys at me. "I lived my life perfectly! I followed the book and I was the nice girl and look at where that got me!"
The keys stung, and they'd left a cut on my cheek but I barely noticed. She was hurting more than me and I needed to stay strong and focused.
"And will doing the opposite help?" I asked as I sat down on a nearby stool.
Snow finally seemed to calm down. Her breathing evening out as she seemed to regain her faculties but that didn't mean what came next hurt any less.
"Maybe. Maybe not." She admitted. "But maybe if I live the rest of my life acting like the drunken asshole you used to be I might actually feel like I deserve this."
I had to bite the inside of my cheek hard to keep my facial expression in check.
"Snow..." I pleaded. "If it weren't for you I'd still be that guy so please..."
I stood up and this time she didn't stop me when I placed a hand on her shoulder before hugging her close and tight.
"Let me help you.... This isn't you."
Tears streaming down her cheeks she burrowed her head into my shoulder.
"Damn you Chris..." She sobbed. "Why can't I let go of you?"
It was a long uncomfortable moment before I decided it was worth the risk.
"Because I won't let you?" I tentatively and cheekily replied.
"Screw you Chris." She laughed weakly before pulling back. Upon seeing the cut on my cheek however she whimpered.
"I'm so sorry..."
"Did you mean it?" I asked seriously.
She shook her head no.
"I forgive you then." I said with a smile.
She sniffled but managed to smile as well.
***
"SNOW? SNOW WAKE UP!"
We were taking the bus back when there was a terrible accident.
"SNOW PLEASE WAKE UP!"
I'd been hurt badly, my arm dangled uselessly at my side as I tried pulling her out of the wreckage.
"Somebody help!"
All around me sirens blared, lights flashed, and people watched with horrified expressions from the sidelines. But nobody helped.
"SOMEBODY HELP HER DAMN IT!"
"Chris..."
Her voice was weak but it was there. It didn't sound good but at least it was still there.
I wrapped my hands around hers immediately. "I'm here Snow!" I laughed in relief. "I'm here!"
Reaching out to gently stroke my cheek she whispered. "I'm so sorry Chris...."
My heart dropped. "Don't be!" I said with a forced smile. "You don't need to be sorry! Everything will be fine you'll see!"
She didn't hear me however. " I've wasted what precious little time we had left." She finished sadly.
"No you didn't! No you didn't Snow!" I pleaded.
Her eyes got a distant look. "Can you kiss me Chris? Please?" Snow asked with that cute little smile of hers.
I felt a lump rise up in my throat and I nodded. With tears streaming down our faces we shared our final kiss, her hands falling limp in my own long before I was ready to let her go.
"I'm sorry...." I cried. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you..."
The memory faded and I found myself holding onto nothing in a bleak and empty void.
Grief quickly turned to rage and I directed it towards myself.
"All she wanted was to be with you and yet you couldn't even provide that for her." I growled.
"I tried so hard to deny it. Tried so hard to deny the fact that I was a selfish prick for her sake but all I ended up doing was hurting her."
I screamed. "She died hurting because she CARED ABOUT ME!"
I finally snapped. I sobbed pitifully as I rolled up into a ball in the cold endless void. The darkness swirling around me as I fell deeper and deeper into despair.
"Please let me wake up from this nightmare..." I whimpered.
"FLUTTERSHY WAKE UP!"
I woke with a gasp. My hoof covering my pounding heart as Applejack stepped away to give me some breathing space.
"Ya alright Fluttershy?" She asked.
The dream was still clear in my head, and the darkness surrounding me was ominous at best. My mane was a mess, my eyes bloodshot and tears soaked my cheeks but the worst of it all was the shaking. I couldn't stop the shaking and Applejack was starting to notice.
"Fluttershy?..."
Her hoof touch was tentative, and it was gentle but nevertheless I flinched as if I'd been physically slapped. Scrambling away from her with a terrified yelp as my hoof shot out and connected with a solid thwack.
Applejack's eyes were wide when she fell back on her haunches. An angry red hoof mark adorning the side of her muzzle.
"Applejack?" I asked disbelievingly.
Applejack didn't respond. She quietly continued to nurse her cheek almost absentmindedly as she looked everywhere but at me.
I fell back on my haunches as well. "I'm... I am so sorry Applejack."
She didn't say anything for the longest time and I started to grow worried. Just as I started apologizing again however she cut me off.
I closed my eyes in regret when she stood, her hat pulled low over her eyes as she slowly but surely made her way towards me. Her hoof steps were slow and deliberate, the hat shadowed her expression and when she lifted her hoof up I couldn't help but sigh with a guilty whimper.
I do deserve it I thought.
I gasped in shock when Applejack pulled me in for a hug instead.
"I forgive ya Fluttershy." She whispered soothingly as she patted me on the back.
I tried pulling back, abject horror etched upon my face. "I just... I just HIT YOU!" She shouldn't be comforting me I should be comforting her!
"Did you mean it?" Applejack asked in a commanding tone.
I flinched. "No of course not but that doesn't mean-"
She didn't even let me finish.
"I forgive you then." She said with a tone of finality as she pulled off her hat and placed it comfortingly on me. It's brim covering my wide watering eyes as my own words were used against me.
Confound these ponies for playing with my emotions.
Pinkie Pie burst into the room with a a bounce in her step.
"Hey Applejack! Is Fluttershy-"
Pinkie stopped in midair and her cheerful mood dissipated almost immediately. I tried my best to hide the sniffling at least but when I saw her ears twitch ever so slightly I remembered that pony ears hear more than human ears.
Stepping up to Applejack's side she leaned in close. "What's wrong?" Pinkie Pie whispered.
Applejack sighed sadly. "I don't know but she was crying her sleep."
Pinkie stepped in close, her muzzle pressed uncomfortably up to mine as she gazed at me under the hat.
"What's wrong Fluttershy?" She asked with a worried tilt of her head.
It was a surprisingly blunt and simple question. One that caught me off guard.
My girlfriend died in my arms and I'm not who you are for starters I thought.
"I.. I don't know.." I lied instead. The poorly concealed lie blatant to everyone in the room.
Applejack looked annoyed and was about to say something when Pinkie Pie stopped her. A hoof shoved in her friend's mouth accomplishing just that.
Solemnly shaking her head no she pulled her hoof out of a shocked Applejack's mouth.
"What in tarnation-" Applejack started angrily.
Only for the hoof to go right back in.
Ignoring her muffled friend Pinkie turned to me and smiled cheerfully.
"It's alright Fluttershy." She giggled.
Waving with her unoccupied hoof she continued. "You can tell us when you're ready okay?"
Leading the indignant Applejack out of the room she closed the door behind her with a swift kick of her back hoof.
I blinked owlishly once, then twice.
"Ok..." I said to no one in particular.
