Living in Equestria

After leaving Doctor Goodhoof's office, Ponyville went about it's daily business around us while Scoots and I moved down the main street approaching the town square. The stalls and tent covering the gazebo was already gone, letting the bright sunlight cover the area once again and warming us as we moved near the center of town. The occasional piece of trash and the well trampled look of the dirt and cobblestones under us were the only clear reminder that this place had been crowded with ponies only just yesterday.

"Tomorrow? Really?"

"Yeah..." Scootaloo said, nodding. "I wanna get it over with."

"Alright." I shrugged in indifference to her idea that we tell everypony immediately. I guess it really didn't matter... and having everypony there at once would get it out of the way quickly.

A relaxing and calm acceptance had settled my scattered thoughts now that it was for sure we were going to be parents. Regardless if we were ready or not, or even what our child would ultimately be, we had both made the conscious decision to see this through to the end with our love and support of our friends. I was emotionally drained, but the weight of the unknown was lifted and it had brightened my mood considerably, enough to the point that I felt like we should talk about another facet of our lives...

"So about the whole 'helping our friends' thing..." I did the air quotes that always made her laugh, and this time was no exception. "...how's that gonna work?"

"Whaddya mean?" she looked up at me, giving a little giggle while she guided her new scooter carefully through the ponies moving around us. She wasn't even pushing with her hoof... only using her little orange wings as propellers to slide along beside me as I walked.

"I mean...are we still gonna help our friends? Even though you're pregnant?"

"Pssh... yeah? Why wouldn't we?" she shrugged and answered it as if I asked her the dumbest question ever.

I guess that settled it... but something else was still nagging at the edge of my mind. Clearly getting other ponies knocked up was a possibility now, and as we walked through the busy town square... I mentally replayed each encounter I'd had with the mares since I'd been here. A rush of relief washed over me when I realized each time had ended with me unloading no where near the danger zone for getting somepony else pregnant.

I'd somehow managed to save that for just Scootaloo without even realizing it. Even Apple Bloom's wildly predatory attack of me in the orchard had ended with her wanting to watch me finish after her heated admission that watching it was her third favorite part of it all. But if those kind of encounters were going to continue, I'd need to be careful.

"Do you guys have something to prevent... foals?" I asked.

"Huh?" her upper lip turned up in a sneer of confusion.

"You know... something to keep a mare from getting pregnant? Apparently I'm able too..." I gave her a sarcastic look.

"Oh!" her face lit up in understanding. "Yeah, there's a spell... I think. But I don't know who knows it... maybe Twilight?" she shook her head.

"I doubt she wou- oh crap!" the thought of Twilight and the subject of sex reminded me I had promised her to stop by and talk with Spike. With everything that happened yesterday, I'd almost completely forgot!

"What?" she asked in alarm.

"I gotta go to Twilight's!"

"Why?" she gave me a snarky smile. "Somepony in heat already?"

"Eeehh... no. She asked me to talk to Spike about something... guy related." I tried to avoided it but she wasn't gonna be satisfied with that answer.

"Guy related?" she laughed. "Oh now I'm really curious!"

"I dunno if Spike would want everypony to know..."

"I'm not everypony! I'm a special somepony with your foal! You have to tell me 'cause I say so..." her eyes danced mischeviously at me. I couldn't say no to her... not right now and not the way she looked just then. The way her body was standing on the scooter, her purple mane and tail glowing in the late morning sun matched by those sparkling eyes of hers melted my resistance. Even the way her little wings buzzed to push her along caused my heart to swell with love for her.

"So what is it?" she pressed.

"Spike kinda has a problem. It all started in the orchard one day when he came to see me..."

_____________________________________________

I was kind of glad that Twilight wasn't home when we arrived at the library because this was probably going to be awkward enough without her studious oversight of the situation. When Spike answered the door, the smell of something intensely biological wafted from his small green body. I couldn't think of any other way to describe it. It was like the smell that came from last night's towel I'd finished my spank session on back home coupled with that alien reptile scent you got on your hands if you held a snake or iguana for any length of time. Only this was much more potent... and most definitely coming from him. Scoots's nose crinkled up and her eyes flicked up to my own in disbelief when it hit her muzzle.

"Mason! Scootaloo! Whats going on, guys!?" he asked us happily in his raspy boyish voice.

"Hey Spike... you gotta second?" I was already feeling awkward and I hadn't even figured out how to start yet.

"For you guys? Always! Right this way..." he stepped aside with a grand sweeping gesture like a butler beckoning in an important guest.

The main room of the library was empty save for the usual collection of books and reading material that lay scattered about on podiums and tables. The smell was in here too, but I couldn't discern if it was in the air or just clinging to the inside of my nose.

"You were so right, by the way! I gotta thank you again for that little piece of advice you gave me, Mason! I feel great now!" he looked up at me with his big green eyes. There was dried crusty stuff on his lower belly and I tried not to look at it.

"Yeah... actually..." I put a hand on my neck, rubbing it uncomfortably. "That's kinda why I'm here..."

"Oh?! Tell me... is there something else I can do?" his eagerness was almost creeping me out. It was like the little dragon had no off button. Not even Scootaloo being here was enough to dampen his excitement.

"You might be overdoing it, ya know?"

"Wait..." his eyes narrowed suspiciously at me. "Twilight sent you guys here, didn't she..."

"Kinda?" I said, not really sure how to explain Scootaloo's presence. She had come along out of incredulous amusement of both what Spike was doing... and my own awkward position. She wanted to watch this train wreck of a conversation and hopefully with some popcorn, she had said, laughing till her eyes were moist. I was just happy to find out popcorn existed here and made a mental note to find some soon.

"Sheesh! First she's on my scales every day about it and now you're gonna hop on the Spike-don't-do-that bandwagon? Can't a dragon just enjoy himself?" he threw his little green arms up in frustration and turned away, walking across the library. There was a crusty patch on the back of his leg that looked suspiciously like dried spunk and I was distracted for a second by wondering just how the hell he'd accomplished that.

"Twilight's just freaked out about finding your... results... everywhere. You gotta mellow out with it. Or at least pull it off without being so obvious!" If I wasn't in such an awkward spot... I would have laughed at my own pun. It didn't stop Scoots from snickering at all when she caught it, though. My little orange lover was enjoying the hell out of this.

"So what! I'm doing it when ever I need to, that's what you said I should do, right? Why should Twilight care?" he shrugged obstinately. "It's none of her business!"

"Yeah, but..." I was getting near the end of my ability to do this without being just completely crude about it. I didn't want to go there with Scoots listening for some reason and I was kicking myself for bringing it up around her in the first place... I should have just come here alone. But when Scootaloo opened her mouth, what she said stunned me into complete silence.

"Spike... what would Rarity say if she knew you didn't care about what Twilight thought? You think she'd be OK with you clopping all over like that and making her uncomfortable?" her simple, mature statement was cruelly precise and hit the little dragon right where it needed to. I knew Scootaloo could be great at getting right to the point sometimes, but the cunning thought behind this was on a completely new level for her. She had also inadvertently taught me a new term.

Spike went rigid and his cheeks burned red in both anger and embarrassment from Scootaloo's cutting remark. "Rarity is the reason I'm like this in the first place!" he shouted. "I don't know what's happening to me but I can't control it anymore! It's like I'm obsessed!"

"You've always been obsessed with Rarity, Spike." Scootaloo half smirked. "Why should it be any different now?"

"Because now my body won't stop thinking about her and it's driving me crazy..." his voice had changed to a small, sad plea. I felt bad for the guy, I really did. I remembered being obsessed with a girl somewhere around my freshman year of high school and between the constant hard on and always thinking about her, I was never more miserable in my whole life. The fact she wasn't interested in me the slightest only made it worse.

"We all go through it, man." I said soothingly, moving towards him and sitting down on a log stump near by. "It's horrible... I should know. My mother would get so mad at me because there were never any clean towels around for a while... if you know what I mean." I gave him a smile. "It'll get better. Just for Twilight's sake, please... keep it on the down low for her, alright?"

The little dragon's shoulder's slumped and he nodded miserably.

___________________________________________________

By the time Scootaloo and I left the library, Spike seemed to be doing a bit better. We didn't leave until we watched him actually get in the bath to make sure at least that much was done, opening some of the windows on the way out to let the library get some air. The whole conversation was surreal and I was still a bit surprised at Scootaloo's cunning addition to the conversation.

We left a note for Twilight that she should come to the barn tomorrow around lunch so we could share some big news with her and then made our way towards Sugarcube corner, setting out on the same mission we had when the ponies were summoned to help out around the farm a few weeks ago.

We hadn't even made it past the shade of the library's massive branches before a completely unexpected traveling companion popped into existence by my side, matching our pace perfectly stride for stride. It only startled me for a second...

"He's not going to be OK, you know..." Discord intoned without so much as a hello, a grave expression on his piecemeal face while he looked at the ground below him.

"Hell-ooo Discord..." Scootaloo rolled her eyes, stopping the Mark V in the dirt.

"Please, Scootaloo... don't start the Discord's-a-meanie stuff! I don't believe my heart can take it... look!" Discord whined and then extended his talon tipped hand at us. A red, beating heart materialized there, blessedly free of any blood or gross stuff. Scootaloo's lip curled up in disgust and she rolled away backwards on her scooter from it.

"Oh come on, Discord!" she cried, putting a hoof her eyes. "Put that thing away!" He complied with and indifferent shrug, making the organ vanish instantly and then talking some more.

"I've been trying to tell Twilight for days now that Spike is has started his feracity but she simply wont hear it! She insists that Spike is still a baby! Oh! Ponyville will be doomed to reek of dragon seed if we don't do something!" Discord rearranged his features as if he was going to vomit while snapping his fingers. A large clothespin appeared, clamped over his snout tightly and his face turned a sickly green color.

I still had my mistrust for Discord, but he had eventually helped us with Quickfire and turned out to be not all together bad. He may be a bit much in the dramatics department, but I was developing a small soft spot for the quirky creature.

"How do you know that, Discord?" I asked, smiling a little bit.

Another pop and the clothespin disappeared, replaced by the cap and gown of a professor complete with an ornate monocle over his larger red eye.

"My dear human... have you already forgotten who I am? I sense all things magical in this land and while Spike's feracity isn't exactly magic, it does bring a bit of... chaos." his face twisted into a devilish grin on the last word of his statement before it all vanished again, replaced by a glowing halo over his mismatched antlers.

"But... I only wish to look out for my friends. Since Twilight won't listen to me, I thought it best to tell the only ponies who seem to care about our little green friend's plight."

Scootaloo and I looked at each other. She shrugged and leaned heavy against the handles of the Mark V with an exasperated look. "Alright... ya got us. What's happening?"

"First, may I get something out of the way?" he asked, his two hands tenting together and making the halo vanish.

"Sure?" I said cautiously.

Discord moved in front of me and stood an arms length away. With a bored expression and a hurried but official tone, he recited "In the name of the spirit of disharmony, I declare us to be mortal combatants until one of us is victorious..." and then his furry paw up came up in a light slap against my cheek. I didn't hurt at all, but I flinched back in shock anyways.

"Discord?! What the hell, man!" I said in a wounded voice.

"Please don't take offense to this, but in order to keep the balance I am required to combat you in some manner over all this." he apologized. "Otherwise I wouldn't be doing my job now, would I?"

"What the hay you talkin' bout?" Scootaloo shot back at him.

Discord gave an exasperated sigh. "That nifty little spell Luna cast on the two of you puts us in direct competition! The disharmony of estrus is my responsibility these days, you know. What with all that..." he waved his paw around in an offhand manner. "... chaos it can cause sometimes. It's just a formality really, much like our new heated battle!" he chuckled and grinned at me, "Aren't you positively terrified?!"

I took a step back from him, not quite understanding what he was getting at. He laughed heartily at my reaction and held his head in one of his mismatched hands, hooting like an owl.

"Oh don't get too worked up over it, human. I've had enough of getting zapped by The Elements of Harmony for one century, thank you very much. As far as I'm concerned, you can go around being my mortal enemy putting out the fires of disharmony with your... firehose until you're old and wrinkly for all the good it will do." he winked and put the same paw he'd slapped me with out in a handshake, this time with a genuine smile.

I took it gingerly and we gave one good pump before he pulled it back. "Now... on to the real problem."

"Yes... do tell." Scootaloo sighed from her scooter, clearly out of patience.

Discord shot her a wounded glance before continuing. "Twilight won't listen to me because that pony never believes anything she doesn't read in a book! She simply can't accept that I know more about dragons than she does and now Spike is starting his feracity! Ponyville has absolutely no idea what it's in for!"

"So explain already... whats feracity?" Scootaloo waved with a hoof with another eye roll.

The strange creature's eyes narrowed at Scootaloo with annoyance. "Anypony ever tell you patience is a virtue, young mare? You'll need to learn that, I'm afraid... what with your condition." he nudged her on the shoulder. "Oh but don't worry... my lips are sealed." ...and then they were. A piece of cloth had suddenly tied itself around his muzzle and he blinked at us in sincerity.

"Yeah... yeah... Just get on with it already." she said. The wrap disappeared and he resumed his explanation.

"Spike will only get more wild with his recent new behavior until he's satisfied by a dragoness. Usually this takes much longer to set in... but some human went and told him how to trigger it well before his little body was able to handle it properly." his red eyes fixed on me, burning with accusation.

"Shut. Up." I said, crossing my arms defiantly. "I don't believe this for a second, Discord! You're gonna tell me that because I told him how to rub one out, now he's gonna just go nuts all over town until he gets laid by another dragon?!" I laughed incredulously, "Go fuck yourself, pal..."

"Oooh! Listen to you all of a sudden." A large rock appeared behind him and he sat with a sarcastic look of curiosity on his face. "Please... tell me all about the details of a young dragon's maturity cycle! I'm absolutely dying to learn it from a human who just got here this summer..." his head sank into both his palms and he fluttered his eyes at me.

"Alright! Alright!" I waved him off. "You made your point..."

The rock vanished and he stood again, this time with a serious look on his face. "Now if I may continue, he will calm down for a little while, but it will come back.. and much worse. He has absolutely no concept of privacy or proper etiquette when he's in the...mood, shall we say. It will only become more frequent and disgusting the longer it goes on! Every dragon goes through this, however since he's not near any other dragons..." he sighed, "He's quite clueless about it and there's none around to help."

"Sooo... what do we need to do?" Scootaloo looked at me briefly.

"Well..." he cracked his knuckles, "Since you're the one who started this human, you're going to have to find a young dragoness for him, ob-viously." he rolled his own red eyes this time, making an eerily accurate mockery of Scootaloo's voice. "And nothing else will do, I'm afraid. The good news is you probably have some time before it gets completely out of hoof... although I'm afraid Twilight will have to invest in a housekeeper until this gets sorted out."

He blinked out of and then into existence again, this time wearing a maids outfit holding a broom and a sponge. "I'd offer... but I don't do ceilings." he said casually shrugging.

"Where the hell am I gonna find a young girl dragon!??!" I shouted.

"Beats me..." he shrugged and then vanished from sight in his maid outfit, leaving Scootaloo and I staring open mouthed at an empty space.