Control + Alt + Delete

by LegendHeart

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Random
Length: 1161

Twilight finds a mysterious keyboard with outrageous powers. There's probably a reason it was in a secret vault in the Castle of the Two Sisters

Twilight finds a keyboard named Berney locked away deep in the Castle of the Two Sisters. But Berney has some weeeeird powers. On Twilight's rise to power, her and Berney become great friends. But then tragedy strikes.

Published 2015-01-17 17:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-17 17:40:02 UTC

Control + Alt + Delete

Twilight was looking around Celestia and Luna's old castle for some new books to read. Even for Twilight, reading the Daring Do series multiple times tends to dilute the experience.

She was digging through the castle library, tossing boring novels this way and that; but then found something interesting. It was a vault. There was a four-digit combination lock on it so she came up with the obvious solution.

A large BANG! echoed through the entire castle as Twi caused the vault to explode. There was a dusty old box inside, labeled Berney, the ultimate keyboard! Bend the world to your will with your new best friend! Despite the odd title, Twilight blew the dust off the box and opened it, revealing the wireless keyboard.

On the back was a big red button. Twilight's always had a good sense of judgement, so she pressed it. It made the sound like the old A.O.L dial-ups, then began speak in an annoying monotone voice, like Stephen Hawking.

"Thanks for purchasing Burney, the ultimate keyboard. Please enter your name."

Twilight was careful not to mash 5 keys at the same time. After about twenty minutes or so, she managed to type 'Twily'.

"Your name is Twily, correct?"

Twilight pressed the 'enter' key.

"Okay, from now on I will call you Twily." Said Berney.

Twilight returned to her library, showing her friends Berney, her pet keyboard.

"Watch this!" Twilight exclaimed, inside her Ponyville library. She pressed her hoof to the attached trackpad, forming a cursor out of thin air. She she moved her hoof around the pad, the cursor hovering above Rainbow Dash. Twilight double tapped the pad with her hoof, a pulsing blue aura forming around her.

Twilight put her hoof to her chin, thinking. "Berney how do I copy and paste, again?"

Berney's monotone voice replied. Copy is a key-stroke combination of 'Control' and 'C'. Paste is a
key-stroke combination of 'Control' and 'V', Twily."

"Thanks, Berney!"

"You're welcome, Twily."

Twilight carefully pressed Control and then C. A translucent, motionless copy of Rainbow Dash appeared. The blue aura around Rainbow disappeared and reappeared around the copy. Twilight moved the copy of Rainbow to the real Rainbow's left side.

Twilight pressed her hooves to Control and then V.

Another Rainbow Dash materialized right next to the current one. They both looked at each other, dazed, and copying the other's movements.

"Dashing! Simply marvelous!"

"Well, I'll be!"

"Twilight are sure this is natural, I , mean-"

"Oh sweet Celestia! It's the mirror pond ALL OVER AGAIN!"

The Rainbow Dashes smiled, and furrowed their brows. "Now we're forty percent cooler!" They chuckled. No one else did. It wasn't 2011 anymore.

Twilight trotted upstairs to her bedroom, pulled a wallet from her nightstand, and returned to the first floor.

Twilight dumped her wallet on to the table. A single bit and a fly fell out. Twilight moved her cursor onto the single bit. She pressed Control and then C. Then Control and V. She held the two keys for a while, until she had about two-hundred thirty seven thousand, five-hundred sixty seven dollars worth of bits. She moved her cursor to one one corner of the money pile and dragged it to the other. She copy and pasted.

Equestria started to lag, and a lot, too. Pinkie was stuck in the lag and started repeating her self.

"Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo-"

Rarity was also stuck in the lag, raising her hoof. Then she raised her hoof again, and again, and again. She didn't stop.

Suddenly the pony pals were freed from Equestria's low RAM. A message box appeared.

Equestria.exe has stopped working.

An empty bar with a green surge pulsing through was looping, until it froze.

Suddenly tonnes upon tonnes of bits appeared, breaking through doors and windows throughout the library. Seven heads and a keyboard emerged from the sea of golden coins.

"Apologies, Twily." Said Berney in that oh so charming voice. "Berney OS V 2.43 should be running at minimum capacity."

Twi's 6 friends left, the Rainbows carrying out some of the money.

Twilight her best friend, Berney the Keyboard, over to the ATM at Sugar Cube Corner. Multiple saddle bags filled past the brim on her back, she entered the bits into the bank machine one by one, into her Equestrian Express account. She and Berney looked at the display screen.

Your new balance is: $1,897,658,453,124
Thank you for choosing Equestrian Express.

Twi and Berney departed for Canterlot, a city known for ultra quality master-grade things for the pair to blow their money on.

"Hmm... This store looks expensive, how about it, Berney?" Berney had no response.

Twilight trotted inside, Berney in her saddle bag. She approached solid gold framed throne, layered with red velvet on the seat, back, and armrests, aswell as being embedded with emeralds, sapphires, and rubies. She picked the price tag "fifty cents?" Twilight asked a weak-minded fool (An employee) to deliver her 'Throne of Excellence' to her humble abode. She also purchased a platinum crown, and a red cape, trimmed with snow leopard fur.

Her and Berney returned to the new castle she had built the day before, putting her self in her 'Throne of Excellence' and placed Berney in the 'Not as Important, but Still Pretty Important Throne of Excellence' and the couple ruled Equestria with a golden hoof. (Twilight was too rich for an iron hoof.)

"Slave Rainbow Dashes! Appear before Her Excellence immediatly!" Rainbow Dash and Rainbow Dash approached the foot of the 'Throne of Excellence'. "Rainbow, I'm hungry. Bake me a pie! A STRAWBERRY RHUBARB PIE!" Rainbow Dash ran to the kitchen. "Rainbow Dash! Get me a cold pop!" The other Rainbow Dash ran towards the Soda Vault. Twilight turned to face Burney. "Does it smell like barbecue here to you?"

"I don't have a nose, Twily."

Suddenly a loud crash rang through the castle. A hooded pony entered the Throne Room. Removing her cloak, she unveiled something truely special. The titanium mane and sapphire coat of Trixie pulled out a keyboard. A black keyboard.

"Ruben! My arch-nemesis!" Berney shouted, an angry look on his keys.

"That's right Berney... I have returned!"

Twilight moved her cursor over Trixie and pressed Delete. Trixie vanished.

Berney drew a sword, and Ruben did the same. Clashing blades, the two brave keyboard warriors fought.

"Berney, NO!" Twilight screamed, tears streaming down her face.

"Don't worry, Twily. I'll emerge from this fight the victor!"

Ruben's blade shot through Berney, piercing his keys.

"Twily..." Berney sputtered his final words. "I... love... you..."

Berney fell to the floor.

"Berney, why?" Twilight glared at Ruben. "You..."

"SLAVE APPLEJACK!"

Applejack appeared before Her Excellence, awaiting directions.

"Destroy him!" She pointed her hoof at Ruben.

Ruben tried to run, but, with a might Applejack buck, he flew towards the wall, and shattered.

But Twilight's journey was far from over.