"Oh god damn, I'm gonna be sick." I leaned against the railing as the sea spray washed up towards me. "Irma... I'm gonna be sick...."
Irma held her talon out, a bright blue packet sitting in her grip. "Take the pills...."
I huffed and looked away from her slate gray claw. "Irma I don't wanna take the pills!"
Irma bounced the packet in her hand. "Ian--"
"I don't want to take the fuckin' pills Irma!" I leaned against the railing of our chartered ship. "Irma, get the damn pills out of my face!"
Irma pressed herself against my back, one foreleg on each side of me. "You're such a baby." She undid the wrapping and swung the pill up into my mouth. "Ian...open."
I opened my mouth, my lips pressed against her strangely textured palm. She made sure her talons were filed down, sharp enough to scratch but not sharp enough to draw blood. She pulled her hands down and joined them together across my chest. "Irma...I didn't--"
"You're gonna get seasick if you don't." She nuzzled the back of my head, her beak rubbing against the back of my neck. "It's just a pill." Her voice was soft, her speech a bit stuttery, like English was her second language, yet she spoke without grammar errors. It reminded me of the kids that would come over from the Baltic States to study.
I sighed loudly as I watched the deep green waters pass below us. "So, what am I in for?"
Irma pressed her warm body against the arch of my back. "Rocks, crags, not a roads, lots of stairs."
I groaned loudly. "Sounds like San Fran." I scratched my neck. "I hated that drug den."
Irma sighed and stretched her arms over my head. "Well I offered to go visit--"
"No, Ulster is a shit hole, so is Dublin...different reasons, but still. And we're staying the hell away from Glasgow!" I shook my head. Even my new hometown was rather drab. "Vancouver is just boring, not like the Isles, but still."
Irma reached down and pinched the bandage I kept across my nose. "Fine, but I told you about the stairs. If you can't fly you're at a real disadvantage."
I groaned and adjusted my arms. The cold water shooting up against my arms was growing rather rough. "I'm fine with stairs. I'll keep up." Irma had met me at a run, she knew I wasn't about to let physical distance stop me from exploring. "It's not Everest, I'll be fine."
Irma rested her elbow on my shoulder and played with my hair. "That's a mountain, right?"
I nodded. "Aye, in Nepal."
Irma scratched my head with one of her talons. "You wanna go?"
I bit my lip. "Little Ms. Griffon and the Irish Cannuk...honestly not the strangest couple I've seen go up, but it's overrated. So many people go there it's covered in bodies and trash." I reached up and ruffled Irma's soft feathers. "Besides, this is enough for me."
Irma pushed my hand away. "So, I noticed you didn't bring any condoms...was that--"
"Aye." I looked down into the water. "Told ya about that already." I sighed loudly. "And that's not entirely true, I did bring some."
Irma pushed off my back and stretched her wings, sending a rush of cold air against my back. "I don't think two are gonna last the whole trip."
I rolled my eyes. "Hey, I can control myself. I'm not a damn Filipino."
Irma tapped my shoulder, brown eyes and shades of grey. "A what?"
I looked back down towards the water. "Nothing. The damn nut jobs churn out kids like factories."
"Well...you're making it--"
"Yep." I spit down into the water. "It's up to you Irma...but my cards are down."
Irma set her talon on my wrist. "You think you're ready?"
I bit my tongue and scratched the bandage on my nose. "I already deal with your brother, feels like I'm raising a damn kid with him around." I thought to the hybrids living back in Equestria. They're only about a year old but they look fine by my accounts. "Right, now I got a question!" I turned to Irma. "Are you-- like, did a lion shag an eagle, or were your kind always like this? Because damned if a griffon shagged a human, it's a bloody man, lion, eagle. And if it's a pony, it's a damn horse eagle lion! I mean, am I missing a piece here or am I just stupid?"
Irma shrugged. "We've been like this as long as history goes back. I don't really think about it too much."
"Well then answer this. Ya bloody married me...you...alright with having a kid?" I felt myself frown ever so slightly. "I mean, I won't be offended if ya say no, or want just like a normal griff kid, or whatno--"
Irma shoved me away. "Ian...calm down--"
"I am calm." I shook my body as the cold shot down my back. "Just an odd subject I think."
Irma looked up at the swirling clouds overhead. "Maybe, and Ian, if it happens it happens--"
"Oh believe me, I'd have no problems making it happen." I chuckled to myself. "Aftermath would be where things got weird."
Irma rolled her eyes. "It's up to you Ian. If you think you're ready, then do what you're gonna do. I'll take care of myself--"
"Oh don't give me that crap." I turned to her with a glare. "Making me feel damn redundant. Gotta let me take care of ya too."
Irma smiled and slid her beak over my forehead. "Fine, then just let me know what you decide."
I looked off towards the bow. "Well...seems like we're gonna be chugging along for a while...." I slid myself over and pulled Irma close, my hand landing against her hip. "Hit the bed?"
Irma leaned against me. "You think we have time?"
I laughed. "Uh, time won't be a problem for me. You, I don't know, but me, I can be done in a minute."
Irma stared at me, eyes half shut, eyebrows pulled down. "Oh I know Ian...I know."
"Heh-haaa, you're so funny, missed a real opportunity going into athletics, shoulda been a damn comedian!"
Irma smiled and went back down to all fours. "It's not too late."
I scoffed and turned away from the railing. "Aye, and it ain't too late for me to go into puppet shows. Just get my hand up in there and-- oh Jesus...." I started to snicker to myself as Irma's tail slammed against the doorway back into the interior of the ship. "Oh come on! Don't get mad--"
"Oh I'm not, you're gonna be." Irma swaggered her way into the ship, leaving me stood in the doorway of the rather new looking boat.
I chuckled softly. "Hold on Johnny...you're gonna go for a ride...." I rubbed my face. "Pissing blast mouth, gonna be like the damn wedding night again...." I sulked on after her, already starting to feel sympathy pains from the last time she was this mad. "Irma, you're not actually mad about the puppet joke, are you?" I jogged after her, the wood paneled interior bleeding together as I turned down a hall. "Irma?"
Irma's tail whipped around a doorway near the end, our private cabin. "Hurry up, Ian."
"Piss." I ran over, my boots squeaking against the wood floor. I peeked in and watched as Irma flipped open one of her bags and tossed it onto the large queen bed. "Oh great...the foot socks again?"
Irma pulled out a pair of white socks with individual toes. "Yes, they're warm so shut up." She hopped up onto the bed and rolled on her back. She lifted her back legs high in the air. "Well...?"
I scratched my head and walked in, the floor shifting as I moved. "How are your toes cold? You have fur!"
Irma flexed her toes. "So? I have pads, my pads get cold."
"Yea-uhrm, okay." I shrugged. "I was gonna complain but that's a fair point."
Irma stretched her legs towards me. "It sucks. It's like there's a button of cold right on the bottom of my toes, it's awful."
"So wear shoes." I grabbed one of the soft cotton socks. "Shoes are great!"
Irma held her foot still as I pulled the sock over her. "I can't, they feel heavy and screw up my flying." She flexed her toes, giving off a soft twitch as I fitted each toe into its holding place.
"I keep damn forgetting you fuckin' fly." I finished up with one sock, stopping to rub her pads with my free hand. I pressed down against the cold spot, causing her nails to flare out. "Cat-bird-thing that you are, I do like that you stick with me."
Irma dropped her legs and rolled onto her side, her legs now wrapped up in soft white cotton. "I don't mind. And if you ever really make me mad I can just go up into the clouds and leave you sulking on the ground for a while."
I snorted softly and sat down next to her. She quickly lifted her feet and pressed against my back. "Irma, you hurt me so good.... And bad--"
"I said I was sorry! You had to know what was going to happen." She flexed her toes against my back, scratching me slightly.
I rubbed the bandage across my nose. "I don't think it's ever going to heal." I took a deep breath. "Takes a brave man to tango with a bird's beak, and an outright stupid man to tango with a griffon."
Irma jammed the balls of her feet against my shoulder blades. "Well you're my stupid man, and I'm alright with this."
I started undoing my shirt. "And you're my crazy bird-lion-thing.... And soon enough, gonna be a mother to a... a uh.... Man-bird-lion-pony-rock-potato baby." I rubbed my eyes. "I still think it's weird--"
"Would you rather adopt? I mean...honeymoon doesn't have to be about tha--"
"Oh no, we're gonna bang, a lot!" I undid my shirt and tossed it away. "Half the reason I agreed to head to this rock island."
"Nice--"
"Isn't it?" I laughed and grabbed my belt. "No, Irma...you know I've been wanting to come out here. But...ya know I love ya...ya know I love those furry little bastards you see in Manehattan, the little half ponies you see running around those apple orchards. But I'm just, dubious, I think the word would be." I rubbed my face. "Took me a damn year and a half to propose, another half to get the pissing ceremony in order.... I just--"
I felt something wrap around my neck. Irma's feet popped up in my view before I found myself staring up at the ceiling. "Ian, shut up and let what happens happen." Irma relaxed, leaving me laying down with my head on her belly and her legs over my shoulders. "You over-think things sometimes."
I peeked up at her, the feathers on her head pushed back. "Because I want it to be perfect Irma...I want it to be damn perfect--"
Irma laid back. "Then relax. Everything is going to be fine. We'll go, we'll explore, we'll meet everybody in my family and we'll go from there. Alright?"
I licked my lips. "Right." I rolled onto my front and slid up next to her. "Now, bit more pressing matters." I slid up against her, rolling her onto her side. "So uh--"
"Ian...shut up."
"Right, right."
