Spike Takes No Guff

by kaelenmitharos

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life
Length: 805

Spike the Dragon takes no guff from nopony. Not even you.

I've seen just one story too many where a writer conveniently forgot Spike's canonical abilities to make a plot hang together. Here's a lampoon of the story in question, "Spike Gets Stuck in a Tree" by The Delirium.

There are plenty of other stories - and episodes - that rely on nerfing Spike's talents, so feel free to suggest another piece of work for me to take apart. Thanks!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-17 04:41:14 UTC

Spike Gets Stuck in a Tree

Disclaimer: My Little Pony and associated characters are property of Hasbro. I own nothing of Hasbro’s, yet. This work is intended for non-profit distribution and enjoyment only.

The following might be called something between a lampoon and a remake of “Spike Takes No Guff", by The Delirium. I do hope he or she takes the implied criticism in stride, because I really don't care to engage in a flame war over a fanfiction.

Story begin!

“Well,” Spike muttered as he watched Rainbow Dash fly away. “Here I am, helping clear the clouds just like all the other ponies.”

He looked down. The rolling green fields outside Ponyville stretched out hundreds of feet below, more than enough to make a lethal fall for the wingless whelp. The cloud under his claws supported him like a pillow cased in cold mist thanks to Twilight Sparkle’s cloudwalking spell. Above, there was only the endless blue.

He had agreed to help clear clouds, but somehow, breaking up his platform in the sky seemed like a poor choice without a ready pegasus to ride. And by an unfortunate twist of fate, the other pegasi had already left the area, leaving nopony in earshot. Rainbow Dash had left him up here all alone with only a low-level spell keeping him from certain death.

Because Rainbow Dash would never leave anyone hanging.

Reluctantly, Spike resigned himself that the pegasus would return when he’d dissipated the cloud sufficiently. And after a few minutes’ clawing and rending, he had done just that. Even sore from hours of work doing just this, a primal thrill ran through the dragon's muscles as he tore the puffy whiteness apart.

When nothing but a whelp-sized armchair of cloud remained Spike settled down and waited for Rainbow Dash to return. His gaze swept across the horizon from beneath half-closed lids and nictating membranes. Surely the pegasus would come back for him.

She did not.

Spike would later remember those twenty-odd hours by a small handful of sensations: the feel of the misty cushion beneath him, the scratchiness of a throat run ragged from shouting and shooting fire for attention, and the constant vertigo of seeing green fields from a chunk of cloud that seemed smaller by the hour. The memory of his rescue included the stricken face of a pegasus who had simply forgotten where she put him. The warmth of his caretaker’s embrace came as the end of the experience; Rainbow Dash’s rescuing grip had been cold by comparison.

Psych!

Spike spent about ten minutes waiting for the self-centered blowhard who’d abandoned him. His claws twitched and his belly began to churn as fears surfaced: that she had forgotten, that she didn’t care, that the wind would blow him away and no one would notice.

Then he stopped, head jerking upwards and eyes widening with a sudden realization. Spike felt all the stress and fear simply melt away as a laugh rose out from his fire-breathing belly.

“Spike! There you are. Thank goodness!” Twilight Sparkle brought the little dragon off the remains of his cloud with a crushing hug. He clapped his claws around her neck and squeezed her right back.

“Aw Twilight. I knew you’d come looking for me if you knew I was missing.” Spike buried his face in her mane. Heavy wingbeats thrummed through the air around them as a second flier approached.

“And I’m glad you had the presence of mind to send me the message you did,” Princess Celestia smiled. Her eyes crinkled with amusement. “I thought the first piece of cloud might be a mistake, but the second and third certainly weren’t. I contacted my fellow Princess here to find out why I was receiving cumulus by dragonfire mail.”

“And I tracked down Rainbow Dash. She remembered where you were after a little prodding.” Twilight cast a glance over her shoulder. Spike raised his eyes to see the cerulean creature hovering yards away, looking down in shame.

The dragon whelp smiled. “It’s all right. I forgive you, Rainbow Dash. Even if you were a jerk for forgetting me.”

Celestia began chuckling, and the rest of them joined in even though it made Rainbow Dash feel bad. The alicorns began a slow descent to earth, where a dragon could keep his claws on the ground. Life had returned to normal once more.

A week later, Applejack forgot Spike in an apple tree after he had worked for her for free all day long during a heat wave. Yay friendship!

The hatchling turned from fetching a last stubborn apple to find AJ had left him so fast as to make it out of earshot. With a shrug, Spike ate the apple, climbed to the top of the tree, and took a long, warm nap.