Dross in Equestria

by Pedro-Paramo

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 3091

The comedian, periodist and writer ends up in his worst nightmare.

'The Troll' sweared enemy of Dross sends him to a multiverse travel on space.

Published 2015-01-18 07:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-27 02:16:33 UTC

Landing

He appeared somewhere in the vast universe unconscious by his trip and unaware of his life.

A world surrounded by a little star and a moon is in front of him. He is moving and moving closer at great velocity like a meteor directing to the gravity force of the planet beginning to be surrounded by fire that might as well kill him but luckily the strange force surrounding him was still protecting him from the danger of space and physics. The now falling comet was directing to a town never seen by men and never known to mankind.

Dross impact on the floor left a crater big enough to make a little pool out of it. As forms of life reminding equines curious by the falling object of the skies began to form a crowd around the crater. A purple horse removed the other ones from the crater claiming to be a state matter and if they didn't fuck off she would arrest them. At least that's what she wanted to say but decided against it since it would go against her teachings.

"Al right, al right every pony! Nothing to see here. My guards and I are going to handle this. Please, return to your labours."

Everyone started to leave the crater to keep being normal.

Twilight had a headache already for the never ending issues on her town. What was with the today? She began to investigate since she liked to perform everything interesting going on the town. Sincerely, this would be the best opportunity to give a rest from her royal activities.

The dust was becoming annoying so she castes a spell to rid of it in a second. That's when Angel was at the sight of Twilight as she gasped, "Oh, my Celestia", she backed a couple of inches, "What the fuck? A... Monkey? How did it end up here?"

In the floor Angel could be seen resting on the floor as the mysterious force still surrounded him. Twilight took notice of this as she thought for a moment, "A protection spell? A highly one by the sense of it...", she was beginning to make connections to cast it away and see closer Angel. Well, that was until a cyan-mane coloured pegasus came down to inspect as well.

"Hey, Twilight! What's going on?", Twilight snapped her train of thoughts.

"Oh, Rainbow Dash! I was just inspecting the area. Could you do me a favour and call on the police to secure the area. I'm kind of in a important meeting."

Rainbow Dash was confused, "Meeting? Here in a crater?"

Twilight nodded, "Yep! A visitor form outer space or something from the gamma rays on his magical protection".

Rainbow was really confused, "Twilight what are you talking about?"

Twilight didn't want to explain so she stepped aside for her to see, "Look, an ape alien."

Rainbow was stunned, "What is that!?"

Twilight in her most serene and casual way of speaking said, " I just told you. An ape from outer space."

Rainbow didn't liked her tone, "Jeez, but you say it like it's just a normal thing to happen"

Twilight smiled and looked at her friend, "Oh, Rainbow, it's just that if every time something happens I freak out; i would never be able to find peace around."

Looking side to side Rainbow did get it but still It wasn't to take it like a walk on the park, "Al right, Twilight, If you say so. I'll just bring on the cops here." And like that, a trail of rainbow is left behind as she took to the skies for the authorities.

Twilight looked at Angel, "I wonder were you came from"

Sometime passed as yellow covered the crater to not let anyone in or be in an accident with the hole on the ground and cops were safeguarding the place. Twilight was still in the crater trying to get rid of the powerful magic surrounding Angel and she was starting to get tired from the mana consumption. 'This force is really strong', Twilight thought. I must get help to dissipate it...

And so she did, explaining the procedure to a couple of unicorns and some curious ponies she managed to get at least a dozen of them to complete the work. All of them concentrated on Twilight's words of instruction as a multiple colour auras began to form around Angel.

Twilight began to concentrate making the final blast and dissipating the magical force.

All of them were drained of mana. This took great efforts to brake even one of them collapsed to the floor unconscious. This guy got taken to a hospital were his being is taken care of and giving the 'special treatment' were a mare gives him 'spirits'. But enough of the pointless colt.

Angel was taken to Fluttershy's since they consider him an animal and not suitable for medical attention. Such bad destiny. If he was conscious he would have made them pay with words... of course.

Dross Awakening

Angel was now surrounded by the six ponies that are going to be the ones to make his life a living nightmare. His head was wrapped in bandages covering his new contusions. To ensue he was really lucky the magical wrap covered him otherwise he wouldn't even be here in the first place. God bless Fluttershy for her useful abilities for curing different kinds of animals.

Twilight spoke up, "Well, I bring you here for the following issue. An ape-alien from outer space landed on out town recently. So, it's our duty to take care of it to prevent any kind of intergalactic war between our species and his. We must give our finest 'welcome to Equestria' so he don't call on his mothership or something and blow us from existence. Did you understand, girls?"

All of them had poker-faces, no one understood really what she meant. Because they lost track of her word when they saw Angel resting on Fluttershy's cushion. Except for Rainbow Dash who did understood every-word Twilight said in her little speech.

Just when Applejack was about to make a question Angel made a groan sound and got up from the cushion with his eyes closed. He was in underwear so he put his hand in to scratch his ass and relieve the bad itch. Lucky enough for the shenanigans. Fluttershy's house has almost the same blueprints as his apartment. No one dared a move as they saw Angel's interaction with the medium. Angel moved to the bathroom just enough for them to hear him releasing the longest piss taken before. Twilight did the maths in her head as she counted down the seconds; he just broke the world record for the longest piss.

Twilight commented this to her friends, "Hah, look what we have here. He just broke the record for the longest piss in Equestria."

Rainbow Dash looked at her in disbelieve, "No way, it just broke my brother's!"

Twilight looked at her seriously, "I'm not lying. He made it to Illegible minutes breaking your brother's and smashing it to the ground."

Applejack decided to joke, "Huh, looks like our guest here is going to be one hell of competence around here"

Rarity was disgusted, "Yugh, girls! How can you be doing such counts right now?"

Twilight saw at her 'in are you kidding' mode, "oh, that... It's just that I been taken time of everything for science lately."

All of the mares around looked at her in poker face. Twilight dismissed her gestures with her hoof. What would they know about science,

lame bitches...

He was now taking a bath from the hears of it.

Rainbow Dash said in annoyance, "Is now it taking a bath? Does it thinks we are some kind of joke?"

Twilight gave her a stare, "Now, now, Rainbow. We don't want to make it mad at us."

Little they did know that he is immune to trolls. But whatever, let's continue with the story.

Pinkie that until now was incredible serious hearing everyone, added in, "Girls listen to Twilight! This is serious!"

All of them looked at her like she was sick. Pinkie being serious for once! What is happening here!? (The author!) LULZ

Suddenly, the water stopped so everyone directed their attention to the door he got in. Everyone one was expecting the worse and they had the right since this is Dross people.

Angel was casually exiting the bathroom half paying attention to his surroundings all naked. When he saw them...

"¿Pero que verga esta pasando aqui?" (What the fuck is going on here?)

Every pony stared at his junk beginning to blush furiously.

But he just shrugged and began to laugh, "Hahahhahahehe... Debo estar soñando, un monton de caballos estan en mi sala observandome la pija." (hahaha... I must be dreaming. A bunch of horses are in my living-room staring at my junk.)

Rainbow Dash looked at Twilight in question mode, "What did he just said Twilight?"

Twilight mesmerized by his junk snapped of the imagination land, "Uh, oh, What? Oh! I have no idea Rainbow Dash. But don't make any noise. Let's just see how he acts with his medium."

Angel thought for a moment, "Si esto es un sueño lucido entonces tengo jurisdiccion sobre cada tramo del mismo. Ah, ya se. Cambiare este escenario que es medio maricon. Digo, caballos de colores con tatuajes en el culo. Pfft, por dios. Que soy, ¿un brony? " (If this is a lucid dream then i have jurisdiction over all of it. Oh, I know. I'll change this scenery is kinda of sissy. I mean, colorful-horses with tattoos on their asses. Pfft, for god. What am I, a brony?)

And then he concentrated with all his might to change the scenery but he failed miserably, "Pero que ladilla, huevon. Quiero irme de este lugar ya." (What a crabs, moron. I want to get out of this place.)

Then, that's when Dross made his appearance, "¡Coño de la madre, marico! ¡Esto no es un sueño!" (God dammit, fucker! This is not a dream!)

"AAAAaaaaaah..." And with that he exited the place all naked into the wilderness.

All of them were stunned.

Fluttershy who didn't say word all the while managed to form a word under her breath.

"What the fu..."

Dross Awakening part 2

It was a sunny afternoon on Ponyville.

The birds were chirping, the bees were buzzing, the ponies were working hard and smiling along their routine business.

A certain grey mare was delivering a package to another pony.

"Sign here... and... here. There you go. Enjoy your package!"

"Thank you Ditzy!" And with that the stallion closed the door.

Ditzy stared to the skies and gave a fair sigh.

"Ah... It's such a good day. I hope nothing ruins it."

Little did she know that a certain man was coming into town...

There a naked man appeared almost out of nowhere screaming at the top of his lungs.

"¡AAAAhh... ¡No! ¡NOOOO! ¡Nunca me atraparan con vida!" (You'll never take me alive!)

Then with all his might bitch-slapped poor Derpy. Her checks got red and everything buzzed on her head. She looked in the direction were the man had run and saw his plain ass...

"What the fuck?"

Just in cue the mane six followed suit after the man.

"Come on Twilight! Let me handle him with force! It's the only way!"

Twilight dead-paned to Rainbow, "No, Rainbow. Or I'll see you arrested for assaulting another being."

Rainbow got exasperated, "But come on! It just slapped poor derpy here!"

Twilight gave Dash her 'I don't give a fuck face'.

"Fine! Do whatever you want, Twilight!"

Twilight don't wanted any intergalactic trouble so she told Applejack, "Come on Applejack! Why are you holding back! Hog tie the bastard!"

Applejack hurried her speed and began to roll her rope, "On it Twi'!"

Then everything turned in a scooby doo scene of persecution. Houses of ponyville covered in the market place. Four houses in each side of the place meaning four directions to run.

Dross ran from right to left in the third corridor being chased by Applejack spinning like crazy her rope; in the last one could be seen the same two running from left to right; then closer to the screen this times Dross with a face of happiness and Applejack with a frown on her face. On the second corridor Twilight got out after Dross from right to left . Pinkie Pie got out of the third corridor from right to left on a mono-cycle doing juggling with cupcakes, honkers, rubber-chickens and chainsaws in flames. Dross got running from left to right in the third corridor chasing the cutie mark crusaders.

On the first corridor from left to right Discord got out smiling to the spectator, "Isn't chaos fun?"

Rarity got out of the second form right to left with a pirate hat and being lifted by Spike while in the third from right to left Dross was being chased by Rainbow Dash. Ditzy got out of the first corridor and smashed with Dross instantly receiving another bitch-slap courtesy of him. Ditzy got mad this time and chased after Dross. Twilight got out in the second corridor and stands in the middle of the street observing everyone run from side to side. Dash got out of the third corridor with Scootaloo on her back chasing Dross which was chasing Applejack; Rarity was being chased by Sweetybelle from the fourth corridor right-left and Applebloom was chasing Pinkie Pie in the first one; Fluttershy flying to Twilight position.

Twilight was not having more of this so she yelled at the full of her lungs, "Everypony, STOOOOOP!"

All stopped on their tracks eyeing Twilight in exaltation, "This is non-sense what are you even doing guys?!"

Dross looked at Twilight in a serious manner and with Latino accent he talked, "She is right. What the hell are we doing? This is not right. We are not solving nothing and we are being childish. So, for the sake of peace just let's leave this at once. I already got my sanity back," he shrugged, "Like I had it to begin with."

Twilight looked him with a twitching eye, "You could communicate with us the whole time! Why didn't you just talked to us!?"

Dross saw her with a smile, "What? Like you were going to be so understanding before some stress relief and believe me I was not going to give you that! I'm not zoophilic!"

They all blushed even if it was normal they couldn't help but feel embarrassed. Specially, Twilight, since she stared at his junk for a while... for SCIENCE!

Rainbow Dash went to his face to intimidate him and touching his bare chest with her hoof in a derogatory way, "And what makes you think we wanted that to begin with, jerk!?"

Angel crossed his arms and shrugged, "First of; I noticed how you stared at my junk with such lust that would make a starving dog look greedish," he brings his hand to her eye-level making the number two signal, "second; fuck you. That's why"

Rainbow got mad and tried to attack Angel but Applejack hog-tie her to prevent her from going to jail, "Release me, Applejack! I wanna brake his nose!"

Applejack saw her eye to eye, "No chance, sugarcube. i'm not lettin' you go to jail."

Dross then laughed, "I'm just fucking with you gay-pride! Don't take it too seriously!"

Rainbow looked to another side and snorted, "Whatever", mumbling under her breath.

Angel then looked at Twilight, "Well, is time for me to introduce myself," he then extended his hand to Twilight, "Dross Rotzank, pleased to meet you."

Twilight observed for a while his hand with curiosity and then stretched his hand with fair strength, "Twilight Sparkle, welcome to equestria!"

Dross smiled and let a sneer and mumbled under his breath, "Pero que nombre tan maricon. Asi como fantasia de Disney morziana." (What a sissy name. Like a Disney having sex with the disgusting Morzat.)

Twilight got confused, "What was that?"

Angel dismissed it with a hand, "Ah, nothing, nothing. Just a compliment," he sneered. Yeah, a compliment.

Twilight looked at him with a smile, "Where are my manners, come to my house! I shall make you feel welcome!"

The message of peace is delivered on so the good begins.

Wut

Angel was having a glass of coke and sitting comfortably on his leather cushion reading 'IT'. He just loved reading; there was nothing else right now that he wanted to do.

He took a sip from his coke when he heard a noise. What was it? He asked himself. As long as he know no one was here but him. It came from a closet. So, he dismiss it as he continued on his reading because whatever that was; it could be sodomised by a dwarf for all he cared.

But the noise came with a vengeance as it became louder. This time he was startled and against his better judgement he decided to check. He went through his dark apartment hearing the squeak of the wooden floor each step he made. The door to the closet was in front of him as he hesitated to open it. What could it be? As he put his hand on the knob he heard something he wasn't expecting... Ñeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. (minute 0:26)

And as the sound of one of his own character came to life behind him.

"¡Ñeeeeeeeee, Dross! ¡Eres un idiota! Haz caido en mi trampaaaa." (Eeeeeeeeeh, Dross! You're a fool! You felt right into my traaaa-aap!)

Dross panicked at the sound of one of his inventions coming to life. What was going on!? But he didn't have time to question or reply. As a weird looking energy surrounded Dross taking him to space were he remained floating in the vast black void that is the cosmos.

He started to breathe heavily feeling his heart pound rapidly when he approximated to a time riff which appears for seconds in front of him. More and more; each second that passed to his imminent demise he felt thrilled and hopeless. But it closed. Much to his relief but it didn't just disappear when he realized that behind the used-to-be-riff was a giant black hole twisting and eating every space rock on it's way.

His last words when the black hole began to eat him along with the energy where...

"CooooÑOOOOOOOOOO..." (FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...) (in minute 0:39)