Pony Figures:The Adventures of Red, Blue, and Lord Tourettes

by XM Keeper

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 1708

Red, Blue, and Lord Tourettes somehow get teleported to another popular show on the internet.

The three dudes of the cartoon Dick Figures somehow get themselves screwed in the magical land of Equestria. So, what happens now?

First FanFic.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-02-04 04:55:35 UTC

Prologue

It was Wednesday and Blue was walking down the street with a soda in his hand. He was thinking if he should try to whip up a date with Pink and if the game Black Cops 2 would be any good.

A couple moments later, an unsurprising yell from his so-called best friend Red woke him from his calm daydream.

"Yo Blue! I just like fucked up that YouTube server place with like that cop car we stole back in season 2! Can I borrow ten dollars?" Red said.

"Dude!" Blue yelled. "YouTube is the most viewed video sharing website in the world! We could get in to some deep shit if they find us or more specifically you!"

"Phsssh! Its cool bro, we are big hits on Youtube. They'll be cool with it." Red tossed back.

"Yeah, but think about all the other shows you could have destr-" Blue began when he was interrupted by the zapping of flickering of their own bodies.

"I hate you so much-" A giant zap pulled them out of the street and in to giant array of data being streamed around as fast as Serial ATA Revision 3.

Later.....

The two friends emerged from a portal about 13 feet above the surface of a rich green grass, landing on with a giant thud.

"Awwww. My stomach....." Blue moaned.

"Ah yeah! That was one fucking epic portal, lets do that again!" Red shouted.

"Were the hell are we? More importantly, what are we?" Blue asked as he lied on his back on the grass while looking at the stumps where his poorly animated hands had once been.

"Aw yeah! I got some fucking epic angel wings bitch! And you got a dick on your face!" Red laughed as Blue put his new flat surface limbs to the top of his deep, round, blue face to find a long blue horn on his forehead.

"You dickfart! You turned me in to a gay unicorn and you got yourself a pair of wings! You are so dead! Evada-Kedavra!" A small light explosion from Blue's horn blasted him back a yard to or two while Red laughed maniacally at the dumb stunt. After Red was done with laughing, he flapped his wings and took flight without any experience and left Blue.

Later bro! I'm gonna try to find some booze and some nice boobs!" Red called back.

"Well......Looks like I'm gonna die out here!" Blue called back.

"Holy Fu-"

To be continued...

1. Apple Trees

Blue had no idea how to walk with 2 new legs. He thought it would just be natural to him because it apparently did to Red. But Blue was never lucky and it he had to learn it by himself.

He stumbled, fell, tripped, crashed, and hurt himself many times until he was able to walk(or what is it called when ponies walk). The first thing he was going to do was figure out where he was and how he would get back. Then he would search for Red.

His current location was next to a forest and he could see many apple trees nearby. He knew that if there would be any civilization, it would be near a food and water source, so he walked through of apple trees. As he walked through, he thought about taking an apple. He didn't have apples so often and would really like to have one, but he could not reach them to touch one, much less pull on off with his flat stump. So he kept on walking.

As he came over a hill, he found a red barn and an other pony kicking trees with their hind legs. "Apparently most creatures of my new species aren't very intelligent," he thought. He walked closer to this pony who was kicking trees and realized that apples fell when the trees were kicked. He would have to try that later. As he came closer, the pony, who had an orange-like coat and blonde hair, stopped and stared at him.

"Hello," Blue said very slowly. "I am looking for a dumb Red pony with wings. Have you seen him?" He said.

"Nah I  sure haven't seen no Red pegasus sugarcube." She replied.

Her ability to speak english startled Blue. Maybe they were intelligent after all.

"Uh, hey. I was wondering how you get those apples out of the tree with kicking them." He asked.

"Oh, you mean apple bucking?" She said. "Its easy. All you have to do buck the tree with your hind legs with a lot of force at the right spot on the tree. Like this." She walked up to an apple tree and thrust her hind legs at it and a moment later, apples fell down in to buckets on the ground. "Now you give it a try," She said.

"Okay," Blue said. He walked up to an other apple tree and randomly bucked it. His legs struck the tree at a weak angle and cause Blue to fall over. He lay on the ground while a leaf slowly fell down and landed on his head.

"Don't worry about it. It took me 15 years to get as good as I am now." She said with an encouraging smile on her face.

"Its okay. I gotta go somewhere and find some one." Blue replied.

"Here sugarcube, have an apple for your troubles." She said. She held out an apple in her hoof that somehow didn't slip right out of her hoof.

"Ah, thank you." Blue said, grabbing the apple with his mouth and setting it on the ground next to him. "Before I leave though, where is the nearest town?" He asked.

"Ponyville. Right down that road there." She said, pointing here hoof at a dirt road leading to a very small town that Blue had never noticed before. "Are you new around here?" She asked.

"Actually I am. Thanks." Blue replied.

"Well, hope to see you around. Bye!" She said.

"Later," Blue said as he began walking on the dirt road down to the tiny town called Ponyville. "Ponyville. What a childish, stupid name for a town." He chuckled at what he thought was the worst name for a town in history.

Author's Note: I will be editing this chapter later, so tell me what possibly needs to be fixed in addition to what I know I will be changing later.

3. Wow.......

God damnit indeed. When was last time I added a chapter to this fic, last century? Sorry about the delay watchers.

"Don't worry your MOTHER BUCKING little tail about this little accident." Said Lord tourettes in his FUCK-like tone of voice. "The uniHORN Twilight Sparkle will send you, me, and Red back to our own little cartoon where everything will be fine and animated LIKE SHIT!.

"I've been here for only 8.923376 minutes and you have already managed to find somebody that can get me back home?" Blue asked with suspicion.

"Hey, that's just what my script says." Lord T replied. "Oh and by the merry-BUCKING way, it is anypony, not anybody my young padawan."

"Whatever. When can I go back?" Blue asked impatiently. "Because I am gonna lose it if I some pink pony starts singing about happiness and -"

"Because all I really need is a smile, smile, smile!" LINK

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

One song later...

"Sorry Blue. You cannot go back until the season 3 finale, when Twilight Sparkle becomes an Alicorn." Lord T explained.

Blue's face was full of so much "DO. NOT. WANT." Also try and imagine Blue growing a 6 foot beard.

"So your pretty much BUCKED!"

Looks like somepony is gonna need a smile, smile, smile!

2. PonyVille

Blue trotted down a dirt trail for a few minutes until he saw the yellow like roofs of houses of some sort of village. He thought it looked like it came out of a childish cartoon video game, but he knew Red would most likely be in the village at some bar.

After getting closer to the village, Blue noticed that there were many horses all around the town. They were talking, buying food, laughing, and playing games. Apparently, equines were actually an intelligent species in this new land he was in. He also noticed that all of these horses had slightly differently shaped heads than Red's head and looked a tiny bit smaller and weaker and had female like tones of voice. He could only assume that they were females, but he feel like he shouldn't be making assumptions just yet. However, he realized that some of these horses had bodies similar to Red's, so he thought they were possibly females.

He continued through the village, looking for any sign of Red. He did not see any bars any where around the village so he began looking everywhere. He checked stores, carts, restaurants, any place he thought Red would be.

Blue was about to go look inside a giant gingerbread house(thinking that Red would be eating it from the inside), when he heard "Yo Blue! Look out!".

Oh fuck... Blue thought

Just after those words registered in his head, he was hit with a massive punch from his left side and he was sent many yards to his right, landing in a mud puddle.

"Red!" Blue shouted while trying to get the mud of his eyelids with his flat stumps. "Where the fuck were you and what were you do-Holy shit!" Instead of seeing Red, Blue saw a light blue horse with rainbow striped hair and two feathered wings.

Hey buddy. Do I look red? I have the colors of the rainbow and my name is Rainbow Dash! The fastest flier in all of Equestria!" Said the multi-colored horse.

"Hey Blue! Looks like you met the new member of our crew, Rainbow Crash!" Said a red horse that Blue recognized as Red.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Said Blue.

"Heh, don't worry. Lord T. will tell you all about our new way of life." Said Red.

New life? God Damnit...

Authors Note: Sorry about the wait. I don't have much free time for writing stories, so don't plan on having any 1000 word chapters for a while.