Cory in Equestria

T’was the night of his final day, President Richard Martinez had finished packing his valuables and stored his stockpile of cocaine in a secret compartment. He couldn’t dare leave his coke behind, that was the only thing that helped with the crippling loneliness, the only thing that made his life worth living.

As he and his daughter finished packing their valuables and made way for the new president, one person in particular was not eager to leave.

“Sir, you have to leave!” Said Secret Service agent Jebediah Longtree in his thick Texan accent.

“I ain’t leaving till I shoot some three pointers!” Yelled Cory, his godly voice causing an instant orgasm from all women present.

“CORY GET THE FUCK OUT THE HOUSE!” Yelled the president, he had had it up to here with his shit, he wasn’t taking it anymore.

“lol k.” Replied Cory.

The president made the lenny face. “You can’t stay here, but I know where you can stay.”

~~~~~~

Twilight rolled over on her bed, the first rays of sunlight penetrating the solace of her sleep. Her eyes struggled open, the crust blurring her vision. As she wiped the crust out with her hoof, she realized she wasn’t alone.

“Feel the love baby.” Cory said, laying seductively on Twilight’s bed. Twilight did the understandable thing, she freaked the fuck out.

“GET THE FUCK OFF MY BED!” Twilight yelled, using her magic to whack Cory with a book. Cory’s super reinforced head caused the book to shatter into millions of doritos upon impact.

Cory shook his head disapprovingly. “Don’t make me get up in your house.” He said threateningly.

Twilight screamed at the top of her lungs. Cory peered deep into her soul with his bleak, unending eyes. Twilight saw images of pure carnage… suffering… pain. She shuddered, Cory was showing her images of horror to make her submissive to his dark desires. She bolted out her bedroom, adrenaline rushing through her veins. Within seconds she was outside of her castle.

Cory smirked, he had the house all to himself. Or did he?

A little green dragon walked into the room, expecting to see Twilight, only to be greeted by the sight of the sexiest black man in existence. Spike’s penis became so erect that it formed a fully functioning society of Asian pole dancers.

Cory grinned so wide his semen ejected itself from his penis, coalesced in his mouth and began to dance to Eurovision songs. “I’m Cory,” Cory said, his semen still boogying down to Conchita Wurst. “Wanna journey into my house?” He asked Spike.

Spike nodded in response, at this point his penis was so rock-hard it chiseled a sculpture of Twilight Sparkle and Nicolas Cage flexing their muscles.

~~~~~~

Twilight Sparkle used her belly to propel herself forward, instantly landing in Fluttershy’s cottage. Fluttershy looked at Twilight and made a face like she just took a massive shit, because she did. The whole damn cottage was flooded with shit, not brown shit, the green kind of shit.

Twilight Sparkle, now covered in poop began to blurt out several different memes, “What the fuck did you just say about me you little bitch?...” She began to make a navy seal copypasta.

~~~~~~

Cory had finished with Spike and began to pull out a book from the shelf. This book was a special kind of book, the pages were made of laser beams and each word was made of women giving oral sex to pineapples. It made for pretty good reading.

Suddenly, Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle busted in the room on the back of a fifty foot T-Rex that spewed fire out it’s mouth. Cory dodged the T-Rex’s fire, grabbed it by the ass cheeks and began to wring the cheeks like a wet towel. He wrung the ass cheeks so hard they tore off, Cory stuffed them into his pocket, another trophy for his collection.

He hopped on the back of the T-Rex and used his projectile finger nails to decapitate Fluttershy. Twilight attempted to impale him with her horn. Cory dodged the horn attack and used his super elastic anus to fire butt cream at Twilight. Twilight, covered in butt cream, fired a magical blast at Cory, instantly knocking him across the room.

As Cory recuperated, he noticed Twilight was channeling the dark powers of Satan. Cory dug through his hair and pulled out Kanye West.

“Where the fuck am I?” Asked Kanye West, the genius, the artist, the world’s best rapper. Twilight began to bow down to her dark lord Kanye.

“That’s right nigga.” Kanye said commandingly. Twilight was taken off guard by her love for Kanye. Cory used this as an opportunity to punt kick Twilight across the astral plane.

Twilight was hit with so much force she appeared in Mount Mountain Dew, the tallest peak in Danktopia. Cory wasn’t done with her yet, he charged to her and punched her so hard Twilight bled Mountain Dew.

Cory then grabbed Twilight by the horn and spanked her. Before Cory could spank her again, Tupac Shakur lead his legion of kebab removers and began to open fire on Cory. Cory dodged the bullets with amazing skill, however one bullet managed to graze his skin.

Cory was angered, he jumped at the huge squad of kebab removers and used his atomic meme abilities to knock back half of them. He then pulled out a gun from his anus and used it to shoot dumplings at Tupac at over 420 miles per-hour.

Tupac was knocked off his Serbian made jeep by the projectile dumplings, he had finally been killed…

Twilight rushed towards Cory and bucked him so hard they appeared in the dimension of Botswanan sumo wrestlers who were horny as fuck. The sumo wrestlers took Cory and sexually assaulted him. Cory’s screams could be heard at 69 decibels.

Twilight smiled and went back to her house. No more would she have to worry about Cory.

~~~~~~

As Twilight tossed around in her sleep, she was shaken viciously awake. When she looked up, she saw Cory’s face peer deep into her puny mortal soul.

“Payback’s a bitch.” Cory said.