CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS DUNGEON EXPLORERS YAY!

“Spike!  Oh Spike!”  A purple unicorn wearily trots into the door of the Golden Oaks Library.  She shakes her head, pushes open the door, and enters.  Her fur is disheveled, her mane is in disarray, and a strand of it seems to be on fire for some reason.  She notices a few things as she enters.  Things that cause her weariness to be shoved to the back of her mind.

One: the center table is off-center, and there are two few chairs around it.

Two: given that it is a Thursday, she usually organizes the books by spine color.  The shelves are lined with books organized by title.

Three: there is no sign of CMC destruction.  Usually, this is a good thing, but it’s like they were never here.

Four: a familiar purple and green dragon standing in the room, broom in claw, wearing the guiltiest smile ever smiled.

Five: the door to the basement is just so slightly ajar.

She clears her throat.  “Crusaders?”

Spike drops the smile; the jig is up before it even began.  “Crusaders.”

“Basement?”

“Basement.”

“Experiment?”

“Hopper.”

“Damages?”

He gestures at the door.  “See for yourself.”

He continues sweeping as Twilight descends the stairs.  He keeps sweeping, even as the shriek comes full force.

“OH MY CELESTIA!  HOW DO YOU EVEN SET FIRE TO PURE PLATINUM?”

Less than ten minutes later, Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash are gathered in the main room.  All are awaiting the arrival of the Princess of the Sun to aid them in finding their wayward sisters.  Well, most are waiting.  Twilight is in the basement, mourning the loss of her D-Hopper, and lamenting how long it will take to restore it to its previous glory.

“So,” Spike leans back in his chair, “How’d the negotiations go?”

Rarity huffs, Rainbow Dash decides to look around anywhere but here, and Applejack covers her face with her Stetson.  “About as well as you might expect, dear.  The Griffons, Minotaurs, and dragons sent their biggest brutes to ‘negotiate’; even the brother of Iron Will.”

“Whaaat?  That psycho has a brother?”

“Yes, Iron Bill, but that’s not important.  We managed to barely keep things from coming to blows, when Iron Bill decided to pound his fists on the table.  It just so happens Pinkie Pie, the darling, set out a round of pies moments before.  He hits the table, pies go up, and…” She motions to Rainbow.  Sure enough, flecks of whipped cream smatter her cyan coat.  Spike hides his smile behind his claws.

“Then what?”

“Absolute chaos.  Cutlery flying everywhere, the dragons shooting off fireballs, my favorite fainting couch getting trampled by Iron Will’s other brother…”

“Oh man, another brother?”

“Yes, Iron Phil, but that’s also not important.  Pandemonium reigned until Princess Celestia ceased the negotiations and sent all the delegates to their rooms.  She informed us we were no longer needed, and sent us back to Ponyville.  Then, you show up at the door to my boutique, huffing and puffing about Sweetie Belle and her friends going missing, and the rest is history.  I’m just glad the Minotaurs didn’t send their lawyer.”

“Really?  Who is he?”

“Iron Quill.”  A golden pop draws everypony’s attention, and Princess Celestia warps into the room.

Spike dashes over to the basement door.  “Twilight!  Princess Celestia’s here!”

“Give me just one more moment… aha!  Coming!”  She trots up the stairs, lugging a small black box in her magic.

“An’ what, exactly, is that, Sugarcube?” Applejack questions.

“This is the D-Hopper’s black box.”

Everypony (and dragon) looks at her strangely.  “Oh.  When I was dealing with Sunset Shimmer and the Sirens in that other world, I learned a bit about some of their machines.  They have these massive contraptions that can fly through the air faster than even Rainbow Dash.”  She ignores the cry of indignation from the Sonic Rainboom.  “Sometimes, for any number of reasons, these things go down hard.  They crash somewhere, and rescuers try to save as much as they can.  These machines have what is known as a black box in them.  It records everything the machine was doing from the moment it took off, to the moment it landed.  That idea came back to my mind while designing some of my experiments; if I could record what the experiment was doing, even if it was destroyed, I would still have everything about it.  I can access the box’s records, and figure out the last spatial coordinates entered.  Then we know which dimension the girls hopped to!”

“Very smart, my young student.”

Twilight fires up her horn, and touches the box.  Suddenly, she goes rigid, small flashes of light bursting from her eyes.  A moment later, her horn goes out and she slumps slightly.  “Spike, did the logbook escape the fire?”

“Yeah.”  He motions to the worn notebook on the table.  Twilight takes it, and flips to the Table of Contents.

“Horseapples, they went to one of the unknowns.  Princess Celestia, I don’t mean to pry, but can you figure out if you’ve ever been to this dimension?”

“I can try, Twilight.  Let me see the coordinates.”  Twilight lifts up the book, and Celestia’s horn glows gold.  Her eyes turn white as the sun, and remain that way for several minutes.  Eventually, the glows fade.  “Yes and no, Twilight.”

“What?”

“No, my sister and I have never been to the dimension in question.”  The other mares slump.  “The good news is I do know the creator of the dimension.”

Twilight beams.  “Really?  That’s great!  That’s… what?  Creator?  Like, a single being who gave birth to an entire dimension?!”

“Yes, Twilight.  Dimensions do not just appear on their own; usually, there is a single being who breathes life into it.  This is true for all dimensions, including ours.  And before you ask,” the Princess states, expecting Twilight’s question, “Yes, we also know of the creator of this dimension, who went by the name Faust.  She gave this dimension life, and cared for it deeply.  However, even the Creators have controllers, and she was forced away.  The creator of this new dimension, however, has never left.  He remains as a guiding hand for his children, for his worlds have always been at war with balance.  He must introduce new pieces to both sides constantly, or else his creations will fall to chaos.”

“So, you’re going to go and ask him if we can retrieve our sisters?”  Rainbow Dash asks, now attentive.  Even though they weren’t biological, she considers Scootaloo the closest to a sister she can get.

“Yes, my little Pegasus.  It may take some time, though.  He has always been rather blunt about how his creations are run.  Twilight, may we use your balcony?”

“Sure, anything you need, Princess!”  With another pop, Celestia is gone.  Everypony (and dragon!) rushes up the stairs to find Celestia standing in front of a shimmering golden portal.

“Princess Celestia, how long are you going to be gone?”

“I do not know, my little pony.  I do not expect to be back until this evening at the earliest.  Use this time to rest; I know the negotiations took a lot out of everypony involved.  Do not worry, you three.  We will get your sisters back.”  With that, she steps through the portal, which winks out a moment later.

“I’ll get to work fixing the D-Hopper.  Celestia’s right, girls.  Go home, get some rest.  We’ll fix it.”

“HEY!  UP AND AT ‘EM!”  The roar rips through the small room.  Everymon inside is jolted awake.  “I AIN’T GONNA BE CALLED A SLACKER JUST ‘CAUSE THE NEWBIES DIDN’T GET UP ON TIME!  NOW MOVE IT!  IT’S TIME TO WORK!” thumping is heard as the thing with the voice of a hurricane stomps away.

“Oh, my head.  Girls, I just had the craziest dream.  We used one of Twilight’s experiments, and went to this weird world, met a blue turtle that could talk, and…” Scootaloo opens her eyes and looks down at her hooves.  However, they aren’t hooves; her hooves have been turned into blue paws.  “…and it wasn’t a dream, was it?”

“E’Nope.”  Apple Bloom answers.  She is holding her head, but isn’t in her bed.  Instead, she’s sitting by the single window the room has.  Of course, being a farmpony, she’s up with the sunrise.

“My head,” Sweetie Belle squeaks, “What was that?  What did it say?  Something about the time?”

Suddenly, the three sleepyheads bolt upwards.  “Crap!  We slept late!”  Ryu panics, throwing grass everywhere as he struggles to get out of his bed.

The others try to dig the roar out of their ears.  “What?”

Ryu turns to them, gray eyes wide.  “Guild?  Members?  Help others?  Ring a bell?  We can’t do any of that if we sleep late!”  He scurries for the doorway, tripping over a stretching Scootaloo in the process.  They tumble into Sweetie Belle, who is walking wearily towards the door.  Apple Bloom approaches the pile, indifference in her eyes.  Jus’ a normal mornin’ fer the Crusaders.

Less than a minute later, Team Crusaders is in the main room on the second sublevel.  There are eight other Pokémon in front of Wigglytuff and Chatot, who is leering at them with much distaste.

“It’s about time you four showed up!  What kept you?”

“Sorry,” Ryu apologizes, “Traffic jam in the hallway.”

“Humph.  I only hope you show more punctuality in the future.  Alright then, let us commence with the morning cheers!  A-one… a-two… A one-two-three!”

All the others start chanting, something about not shirking work and how smiles go for miles, but the Crusaders just listen, having never heard this before.  However, even they get caught up in the excitement and enthusiasm, and with a final cry of “YAAAY!” the other Pokémon disperse to do… whatever they do.

Ryu turns to the girls.  “So, what are we supposed to do?”

“I may be able to help with that,” Chatot declares as he alights on Sweetie’s back.  “If you would follow me, I will take you to the Job Board.”  He flies off, up the ladder.  The Crusaders eagerly follow.

Three minutes later…

“I…*huff* hope… that gets *gasp*… easier… with time.” Sweetie Belle collapses at the top of the ladder, followed by Apple Bloom.

Chatot looks at them strangely.  “You know, we have a couple passageways meant for our four or more legged members,” he chirps as he motions to a slanted hole in the ground across the room. Sweetie Belle lifts her head in the direction indicated, then slams it back down.

“Oh come on!”

“Anyhoo, these over here are the Job Boards,” Chatot sweeps a wing towards five boards on one side of the room.  “Jobs are ranked according to their difficulty, like where it is, what dangers you may face, and so on.  The jobs are split among the five boards, one for each ranking, A, B, C, D, and E.  E is the easiest, recommended for newer teams.  Now, let’s find you a job, hum, let’s see… aha!  How about this one?”  He flies up, and returns with a posting in his claws.  Ryu takes the paper and reads it.

“Hmm… Spoink… lost pearl… Drenched Bluff… can’t live without it… imperative it’s returned…” Ryu looks at Chatot with indignation.  “You want us to go on some stupid fetch-quest for a Pokémon who dropped a trinket?”

“Well, what were you expecting?”

Ryu gets a gleam in his eyes.  “I don’t know.  Finding long-lost treasure, exploring previously unknown ruins, you know, Indiana Bagon-type stuff!”

“Sorry to disappoint, but a lot of what the Guild does is just helping Pokémon who are too weak to help themselves, so to speak.  The postings here are for Mystery Dungeons, where the faint of heart dare not tread.  Also, this will be easy enough to see if you have what it takes to be an Exploration Team.  So get going!”

“So, this must be the Drenched Bluff.”  Scootaloo remarks.  Team Crusaders is standing in front of a hole in the side of a cliff.  The cliff is overlooking the ocean, with waves coming halfway up the cliff every minute.

“That’s what the map says.  Now, the post says Spoink lost his pearl somewhere near the bottom, so we’re gonna have to fight our way through.  I assume you girls don’t know how to fight, either?”

“Nope.  Well, ah once tried ta learn karate fer a cutie mark, but it was a bust.”

Ryu faceclaws.  “Of course.  Well, all Pokémon know a set of moves they can use to fight other Pokémon.  Like, I can do Tackle, Bubble, and Withdraw into my shell to defend against attacks.  Scootaloo, you’re a Fighting type Pokémon, so you should be able to use moves like Quick Attack and a whole slew of strong attacks.  Apple Bloom is a Ground type, so she should be able to at least use Tackle.  Sweetie Belle’s a bit trickier, being a Dark type.  You should at least know Scratch.  Um, I don’t know any other moves off the top of my head, but we can visit a specialist in Treasure Town who can figure out what moves you guys know.”

“So, we actually have to try and kill other Pokémon?”  Sweetie looks sick.

“No!  You don’t kill other Pokémon, you just have to beat them down until they admit defeat; or, knock them unconscious.  Either way works.  I don’t know of any case where a Pokémon passed away from fighting another.”

“So, we just have to fight them until they give up?  I guess I could live with that.  But, how do we use these moves?”

“Practice, mostly.  But, since you guys probably don’t know many right now, just do what comes naturally if we come across a Pokémon that wants to fight.  Shall we?”

Two floors later…

“Celestia darn it, Sweetie Belle!”

“Not my fault!  How was I supposed to know those purple flower things were actually Pokémon?”

The two Crusaders are running through the tunnels with a herd of angry flowers on their tails.  Ryu and Scootaloo are searching for the way down to the next level, and tasked the other two with finding anything interesting.  They found some berries, a few seeds, and of course, a room full of sleeping Lileeps.  A room full of Lileeps that didn’t take too kindly to a random Pokémon coming in and sniffing their faces.

They duck down a side tunnel and watch from the shadows as the herd thunders by.

“Coming through!” the shout comes from down the side tunnel, and Ryu and Scoots collide with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle a moment later.

Scootaloo is panicking.  “Crab-things…step on one… coming this way…”

“Ryu!  Translation please!”

He’s huffing and puffing.  “We found a room that looked empty.  We started into it, but Scootaloo stepped on a sleeping Anorith.  It woke all the others up, and started a stampede.  We have to move!”  Sure enough, a skittering fills the tunnel behind them.  Many beady eyes blink in the darkness.  This fills the Crusaders with fear, spurring them into running again.  They run back to the Lileep room, and Scootaloo finds a hole in the ground.

“This way!”  She jumps in the hole, followed by the rest.

Everymon stops to catch their breath.  “Okay, new plan,” Ryu pants.  “No more splitting up.”

“Agreed.”

Four floors later…

“Finally made it.”

“No thanks to you guys!” Ryu scowls.  “We should’ve fought at least some of those things.”

“Sorry, Ryu, Ah guess we need some trainin’ or somethin’.”

“Or something is right.  Okay, everymon, split up and find the pearl.”

“Found it.  It’s literally right in front of you, Ryu.”  Sweetie Belle approaches the lost trinket.

“Sweetie, don’t!”  Scootaloo shouts, and scoops the pearl up before Sweetie can touch it.  “Sorry girl, but I don’t think we need this thing catching fire before we get it back to Spoink.”

Ryu looks perplexed.  “Wait, how…?”

“She has a bad habit of setting things on fire when she tries to do something.  She’s the only pony we know that can set cereal on fire.”

“But isn’t cereal, like, sixty percent liquid?”

“Moving on!” Sweetie interrupts, “Shouldn’t we get back to the guild?”

“Yeah, you guys need to learn how to fight.  Let’s go, Crusaders.”

“Oh thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou so so much!”  The small gray bouncing pig-faced Pokémon gratefully accepts its lost pearl back, situating it right on top of its head.  “You see, if a Spoink goes without his pearl, he loses all Psychic ability!  Not to mention the popularity backlash that might have ensued should I have been seen without my illustrious pearl!  Here, take this as recompense.”  He deposits a small sack and hops up the ladder.

Ryu hefts the bag.  “By the graces of the Three Golems!  There must be at least two thousand coins in here!  Girls, we’re rich!  We can do anything we—”

“I’ll be taking that.”  Chatot swoops down and snatches the bag.  He rifles through it a bit.  “Very astute, Ryu.  There is exactly two thousand coins in here.  This is your share of the reward.”  He places most of the coins into a much larger sack, and tosses the now nearly depleted sack to the Crusaders.

“Hey, what gives?  There’s only two hundred left!”

“Yes, the Guild takes its share to pay for the upkeep of the place.  It’s not easy to maintain a headquarters of this size on donations alone, so we take a cut of all Team mission rewards.”

“Okay, that makes sense, but we get only a tenth?”

Chatot leans in close.  “It’s also to keep buying the Guildmaster the happy drugs he takes all the time so he doesn’t go Zubat-shit insane, hear?  If he stops taking his happy drugs, even Arceus will quake in fear.”

Ryu pales.  “Got it.  So, now what?”

The ringing of a bell answers him, along with a similarly singsong voice, “Dinner’s ready, everymon!  Come and get it!”

“YAAAAY!” a rumble is heard as the Guild workers storm the kitchen.  Chatot and Team Crusaders descend the ladders (Sweetie and Apple Bloom taking the ones meant for four-legged Pokémon), and join their new friends in the multidimensional art of dinner conversation.

Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location…

“Master, our scouts have rounded up another group.  Do we have enough?”

“Yes, my child.”  The bearer of the voice looks down at many cages, all filled with frightened Pokémon.  “I do believe we have enough to begin our conquest.”