Bitwise's Equestria (dot blogspot dot com)

by Fernin

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Alternate Universe
Length: 664

A tale of one man's gradual realization that people are people everywhere-- even when they're poni

The majority of mankind has accepted the concept that Equestria is just what it appears to be: a friendly and guileless nation suddenly and unexpectedly thrust into the riotous, unsupervised playground that is humanity's geo-political arena thanks to the inexplicable opening of multiple stable portals between the two worlds.

But of course, there are always people who look at candy-coated perfection and wonder what might be concealed beneath the colorful exterior.

Steve Stanbury (AKA Bitwise) has recently been granted one of the first work visas and is bound for a human technology consultant position in Manehattan. He is not one of these benighted individuals, the contrarian one in the accepting ten.

At least… not yet.

Author's Note: Thanks to Erthilo for the awesome cover art!

The goal of this story is to keep everything in-canon as much as is feasibly possible. I don't intend to do anything ridiculous with Tyrant Celestia and her evil plans to conquer earth or anything like that.

This is simply a thought exercise for me. I see a lot of what I view to be needless anti-human bias in the Brony community, so I thought I would do a story about someone confronting similar opinions in real life. Well, I SAY real…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-04 02:24:29 UTC

Good Fences speech transcript

Excerpt from a public speech by Richard Wilkie, Executive Chairman of the Good Fences Movement

Speech made at the Good Fences Make Good Neighbors rally on April 23rd, 2014 at the David L. Lawrence Convention Center in Pittsburgh, PA

...I have no real problem with the Equestrians.  Much of what the individual ponies do is laudable, and I am sure that as stallions and mares of our combined worlds, they will continue to contribute greatly to the advancement of all intelligent races.  However, I am distressed by the level to which the Diarchy of Equestria's propaganda machine has twisted our perception of reality and prevented us all from having a healthy and straightforward interspecies dialogue.

Everyone seems to act as though the ponies are somehow inherently better than humanity.  How can we have a frank discussion about Equestria's place on the international and inter-dimensional stage when beliefs like that are common?  But unfortunately this is a common misconception, the product of an unrelenting public relations campaign funded by the Equestrian government and inflicted upon us by the complicit media.  This campaign incorrectly paints the Equestrians as some sort of idealized and dare I say cartoonishly sweet race of innocents and I for one cannot stand by and let this falsehood continue unchallenged.

I can hear some of you now-- accusing me of being a bigot, a human supremacist, and worse.  But I speak the terrible truth.  Let us examine two key points in Equestrian culture.

One, their language: by the Equestrians' very speech they are as casually and relentlessly speciesist as the worst supposed bigots of human history.  The very basics of their tongue are racially exclusionary.  They say, "anypony," "everypony," and the like.  How would it look if a human made a point of saying, "Everywhitemale?"  "Everyjewishwoman?"  "Everyhispanic?"  "Everygay?"  Humans at least have lived for thousands of years on a world where we are the sole intelligent species.  Ponies, for their part, have long lived alongside other intelligent races-- dragons, diamond dogs, griffins, minotaurs, and the like.   And yet despite this they have retained their exclusionary language for millennia.  Meanwhile, words in the human lexicon like "everyman" fell out of use decades if not centuries ago, and yet *humans** are the xenophobes?*

Two, the Equestrian philosophy and worldview.  Not only is the very grammar of the ponies' tongue charged with a sort of casual disregard for other species, but the way their government wants them to think is a direct insult to all other intelligent species-- especially humanity.  They say things like, "friendship is magic."  It sounds cutsey, doesn't it?  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Let us examine what this actually means.

Humans have no true magic.  That is an unquestionable and scientific fact.  Meanwhile ponies, who pride themselves on their friendliness (often rightly so), are steeped in magic down to the most apparently unmagical earth pony.  Does not the statement that 'friendship is magic' imply that it is not possible for the magicless humans to have true friendship?  If humans cannot be true friends, how can a pony see them as trustworthy?  This, then, is how the Equestrian government wishes for its citizens-- my apologies, I mean its subjects-- to think.  The logical conclusion from such statements is obvious: simply because of our race, we humans are untrustworthy... or even evil!

This constant drumbeat of "four legs good, two legs bad" (to borrow a phrase) erodes the trust that should by rights be joining our two great worlds.  It calls into doubt any agreement made between species-- from the national and international level, right down to a simple economic transaction between human and pony buisness owners.  It is a crime against both our species and against free thought itself, and I will not accept it!

I call now upon the Diarchy of Equestria to cease its relentless and speciesist efforts to control the minds of ponies and humans alike.  If this makes me a so-called "Human Supremacist" in their corrupt and dishonest world view, then so be it-- I will wear the label with pride.  Thank you, and God bless America... and our friends in Equestria.