Twilights Life Is A 70's Porno

by Traumkampfer

Rating: mature
Tags: Anthro, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1774

A tribute to the wonderful adult movies of the 70's, Twilight is lonely, so she invites Pinkie to a sleepover. Then they decide to order a pizza.

Twilight gets oh so lonely one night in the middle of winter, so she invites Pinkie to a sleepover, then once they have gotten settled in, they decide to order a pizza, leading to a pleasant surprise when it arrives.

(Special thanks to my friend, Fallblau who wishes to be anonymous. I outsourced the actual clop scene to him, so blame him for that portion of this war crime)

Published 2015-01-21 04:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-21 04:20:01 UTC

Meat Lovers

Author's Note

In case you cant tell, this entire story is parody. The characters will have no motivation for their actions, nothing will make sense, and I had to outsource the actual clop because I can only write gay clop, apparently.

Meat Lovers

It was a cold winter evening as Twilight relaxed by her precariously placed fireplace inside her tree/house/library. She was called a fool for building a fireplace inside of a tree, but she had always enjoyed its warmth nonetheless. She ran her hoof through her mane softly, while occasionally looking out the window at the thick white snow that was falling on the ground outside.

“I sure hope Pinkie is okay,” she said. “I’ve been looking forward to this sleepover for weeks. It gets oh so lonely sometimes, especially when my servant is off enjoying an evening with Rarity.”

Suddenly, as if on cue, Twilight heard a fast, nearly rabid knocking at the door.

“Oh my, a knocking like that could only be one pony that I know of,” Twilight said happily.

She got up and approached the door, opening it to see a happy pink mare wearing a turtleneck and a scarf. Twilight sometimes wondered why ponies wore shirts to keep themselves warm, but never seemed to wear pants no matter the circumstance.

“Hiya Twilight! Thanks so much for inviting me over, but its suuuuper duper cold outside, mind if I come in?” Pinkie asked, practically shivering. Twilight nodded and smiled, closing the door after her friend came in.

“Any time Pinkie, I’m so glad you came over. I was getting…”

She paused.

“So very lonely,” she said, dragging a hoof along her side softly.

“So what do you have planned for tonight, Twilight? Anything super fun?!” Pinkie asked, hyper as always.

“Oh, not much; you know I’m terrible at planning parties and stuff like this. How about we just lay by the fire for a bit and enjoy each other’s company?”

The two agreed, and so they laid by the fireplace, until Pinkie finally came up with an idea for something to do.

“Oh! I know what we can do, Twilight. Lets do what all girls do at slumber parties!”

Twilight tilted her head, confused.

“What would that be, Pinkie?”

Pinkie stood up proudly as she proclaimed her idea.

“Lets compare breasts!”

Twilight chuckled and smiled.

“Ohhh, right. We do that at every slumber party. How could I have forgotten?”

The two nodded, and proceeded to undress, sliding their shirts off slowly as their breasts popped out, bouncing softly at first.

“Hehe, looks like you win this time, Twilight,” Pinkie said, gently groping Twilight's soft chest. “Since Rarity and Fluttershy aren't here, you finally get to win for once.”

“Well thanks Pinkie, but yours are so hard. Are you ok?” Twilight said, poking Pinkies nipple curiously.

“Oh, I guess I’m still a little cold from the walk over here. But don’t worry, I’ll warm up slowly!” Pinkie said, smiling.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you out Pinkie!” Twilight leaned forward, pressing their chests together to warm her friend up, making Pinkie blush softly.

“Oh no Twilight, what if somepony saw us like this? I would freeze into a Pinkie-sickle from embarrassment!”

Thinking quickly, Twilight pulled the nearby window blind closed, and lay with her friend in a most sensual and soft-core fashion. After some time had passed and she was certain her friend was feeling as comfortable as could be, Twilight stood up.

“Hey Pinkie, I’m feeling a bit hungry. How about you?”

Pinkie nodded and rubbed her belly. Twilight didn’t have to ask, as she knew Pinkie was always hungry due to her insane metabolism.

Picking up the phone, Twilight called Papa Joe's, the newly converted doughnut shop turned pizzeria, still run by Pony Joe.

“That’s right, one large meat lovers…oh! With extra sausage! I’m a mare who loves her sausage.” Twilight said seductively, licking her lips at the idea of the meat to come.

Nearly as soon as she hung up, there was another knock at her front door.

“Wait, who could that be? That couldn’t be the pizza, could it?” Twilight said, walking to the door and opening it, still equally as shirtless as when she had made the phone call.

Twilight was astonished that when she answered the door this time, was her mentor and favorite Princess: Celestia, who had donned the uniform of a pizza guy and a rather sexy stick-on mustache, holding a giant pizza box.

"Heya bitch, I heard you placed an order for a meat lovers pizza, with an extra helping of.....sausage?"

Twilight twirled her hair around her finger nervously.

“Oh no….I just remembered that I gave Spike the last of my bits for his date with Rarity….however will I pay for this?”

The Princess pushed the door further open and invited herself inside. From seemingly nowhere, the seductive tune of a saxophone could be heard playing. Twilight wanted to go search for it out of curiosity, but couldn’t because she was now suddenly compelled to passionately kiss her mentor/pizza delivery pony.

Pinkie watched in extreme curiosity at the sight, before being overcome with the same sensation that had taken control of Twilight. Pinkie slowly began to run her hoof along her body and moan softly as Celestia shut the door behind her, grabbing Twilight while they kissed.

“Oh Celestia, I’ve always loved a mare in uniform….and what a sexy mustache you have,” Twilight said with a moan, brushing her mane behind her ear. Celestia grinned and ran a hand along her student's supple, round breasts as Pinkie as watched in fascination from afar.

“Why don't you slip into something more comfortable?” Celestia said, to the already naked Twilight.

“Um....”

“Don't answer that, just let my mustache mesmerize you.”

“It's so...curly, and full...” Twilight said, almost moaning.

“Aw yeah, you like that don't you?” the Sun Princess said as Twilight ran the tips of her fingers through her fake mustache.

“Well, uh...to tell you the truth,” Twilight said, coming to. “I wasn't actually expecting you to deliver my pizza.”

“Your Princess answers the prayers of all her subjects,” Celestia said, pushing Twilight out of the way. “And you prayed for extra sausage.”

At that point, Twilight noticed the lid of the pizza box moving up and down.

“Princess....what's that?” Twilight asked with dread curiosity.

“Why don't you open it and find out?” Celestia said teasingly, biting her lower lip.

Twilight slowly opened the box to reveal the biggest, hardest, veiniest, most erect penis she had ever seen, along with the special portal Celestia was using to make it appear there.

“Oh...Princess...it's so big.”

“And it's all for you,” Celestia said.

Twilight looked into her former mentor's eyes.

“Kneel before your Princess,” Celestia said, gently pushing her to the floor.

Twilight felt strangely compelled to obey her mentor, stooping to her knees, which put her face to face to Celestia's giant horse-cock. Twilight couldn't help but stare at the Princess' member with a sense of curiosity and dread. She felt intimidated but strangely aroused by its size, and for once in her life, was absolutely sure she could satisfy her Princess.

Twilight gently wrapped her hoof around the base of Celestia's member and began to pump.

Celestia exhaled sharply as Twilight tugged her sheath.

“Mmm, so good, harder Twilight...”

Twilight nodded, as she felt the blood pumping in the hard member in her hands.

“Hey! That's not fair!” Pinkie protested. “You guys are having all the fun!”

“Would you like to join us...” Twilight said, before being cut off.

“Boy would I!” Pinkie said, practically jumping out of her chair onto the floor next to Twilight. “Wowwee!” she said, she said, cupping Celestia's scrotum. “These are the biggest, roundest balls ever! Even bigger than Mr Cakes!”

“Mmm...suck ‘em,” Celestia said.

“Okie dokie!” Pinkie responded affirmatively, and eagerly began to press her tongue along the underside of the Princess' massive sack.

Celestia moaned as Twilight followed suit, and began to run her own tongue up and down the length of the shaft, pausing every so often to caress the tip, before resuming her routine.

“Ah, Twilight, don’t be such a tease!” Celestia groaned “Continue.”
Twilight nodded and began to move her tongue towards the tip – sensually lapsing it around the brim of the head.

“Good, my student. You’ve been learning more than just friendship, I see,” Celestia moaned.

Twilight smiled to herself at the Princess' sounds of approval, before deciding to to do something she wouldn’t expect. The young librarian traced a few times over the head before parting it with her hands and thrusting her tongue in the opening.

Celestia jerked violently back.

“Ah buck!”

Twilight smirked.

“Too much to handle?” Twilight asked coyly.

“Oh, I’ll show you ‘too much to handle’!”

Celestia responded to her former student's insolence by whacking her across the face with her ginormous dick, knocking her onto her back.

As Twilight landed on the floor, the thud knocked a few of her books loose from atop of her foolishly placed fireplace, falling next to the flame and making the fire quickly spread.

“Huh…” Celestia said, watching passively as Twilight's house began to go up in flames. “Well, I would love to continue, but it looks like you’ve got a lot on your hands now. Be sure to write me a letter about what you’ve learned and all that, my darling Twat!”

And with that, the Princess of the Sun teleported away to parts unknown, leaving Twilight and Pinkie to deal with the fire on their own. Pinkie quickly got up and began to run, knocking over a bookcase on accident, which then fell, crushing a colt holding a boom microphone who had gone unnoticed until this very moment.

Pinkie drug her friend Twilight out of the house while the librarian pony sat in awe as her books burned.

“You know Twilight…..I hate to say it, but it wasn’t very bright of you to build a fireplace inside of a tree. It didn’t help that your tree was also a library either.”

And so it was that Pinkie and Twilight watched as the Golden Oak's library burnt into a crisp in the cold winter night – both still butt-naked, until, seemingly from nowhere, a large anthropomorphic bear wearing a forester's hat approached the scene.

“So kids,” he said. “The moral of the story is this: tongues should not be inserted into urethras, as this is a leading cause of forest fires…..well, tree fires, in this case.”

And so they all lived happily ever after, except for the boom-operator pony; things didn’t end so well for him.