Pinkie Pie's Trial

by arcanelexicon

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, DJ P0N-3, Doctor Whooves, Roseluck, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Octavia, Random
Length: 3723

Pinkie Pie goes on trial for her crime. Will she be exiled? Will she be found guilty?Will there be pie? Let's find out...

Four seasons, numerous comics, and countless fanfictions. And in each one of those, Pinkie has broken the fourth wall with relative ease. But now, her actions has caught up with her. It is time to face the music, time to face the Grand Tribunal. Let's all hope that Pinkie is ready

Edited on 11/7/2015

Published 2015-01-21 22:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-21 22:00:02 UTC

The Trial Begins

Darkness. Cold. The blackness of space.

Suddenly a disembodied voiced announced "LET THERE BE LIGHT!" to the nothingness around it, ending the silence.

The sound of a switch being thrown pierced the veil of silence. Amidst the darkness, a blinding light came and searched for its quarry. It found its prey, and underneath the harsh light, sat a pink earth pony. The poofiness of her trademark mane gone, leaving nothing but straight, limp hair. Her eyes downcast, not a glimmer of joy in them. Her fur, a muted pink, as if the happiness that she brought upon the world was sucked out of her, leaving an empty husk.

"Pinkamena Diane Pie, you have been accused of the crime of breaking the fourth wall numerous times during the the show, in the comics, and in countless fanfictions. If found guilty, punishment for such crime is banishment. Your existing toys will be immediately recalled, and future toys will be cancelled. We will also release canon stories of you being exiled for your crimes, which will undoubtedly lead to the fanfiction community shunning you. What have you to say in your defense?"

There was nothing but silence from the one known as Pinkie Pie, no movement to betray her actions.

"Very well," said the disembodied voice. "You will be tried by a tribunal of seventeen ponies.We will be the ones who will decide your fate, but I will have the final say on your punishment. Let the trial commence."

Somewhere, the number sixteen lighted up, then the sound of another switch being thrown screamed across the silent room. A new light focused and, underneath it, seated behind a desk, was a brilliant orange earth pony, wearing a grayish mulberry business coat and a pink scarf. She gave Pinkie Pie a stern glare and then turned on her microphone.

"Greetings, I am Ms. Harshwhinny, and I represent the 'order' of the show. As we all know, the show's backgrounds, foregrounds, music, plot, and characters must maintain this order. Even the Discord scenes were carefully planned to show the minimum amount of chaos to make filming easy, but at at the same time, just have the right amount of chaos in it, in order to show to our viewers a world on the brink of destruction. That being said, with Discord now reformed, I would soon find myself out of a job if this show was too orderly. We need laughs, gags, and comedy aplenty. Thus, I vote not guilty. And as for those who filed this case in the first place, there is only one thing I could say."

What happened next shocked the other unseen members of the tribunal. They never imagined it would come out of her. Something so blatant, that Ms. Harshwhinny could be put on trial for breaking character. She blew them a raspberry.

The light faded, and a green '16' illuminated and floated on Pinkie's right.

Pinkie Pie sat there, unmoving.

The next member of the tribunal came into view. Another earth pony with a rose for a cutie mark. She look absolutely radiant in the light, like a perfect blooming rose.

In a soothingly seductive voice, she spoke "Hi, I am Roseluck, and I'm going to keep this short and sweet. As we all know, every rose has its thorn, and this saying greatly applies to Pinkie. She might not be like the rest of the Mane Six, but she has qualities in her that endears her to everyone. I vote not guilty."

Once again the light faded and this time a green '10' illuminated and floated next to Pinkie.

The next member of the tribunal was a mint blue unicorn with a blue and white mane.

"Hi!" she said in a perky voice. "My name is Minuette, also known as Colgate." She then pointed to her cutie mark. "This here represents time, but in my case this represents..." Her eyes then narrowed and if one were in that certain place and time, one would feel all the warmth bleed out of them, to be replaced by the cold, dark touch of death. "Deadlines" she continued, but this time in a voice so devoid of life and emotion. With her blue fur, she seemed to be a personification of the end of all things.

"With the way you continually break the fourth wall Pinkie Pie, you give heart attacks to the writers of the show, the comics, and fanfiction. They have to think of ways to write you in a "Pinkie Pie" way. This takes time, and has resulted in a lot of missed deadlines. Therefore, in order to reduce the sheer number of this missed deadlines, I vote guilty!"

Once again the light faded but this time a red '5' illuminated and floated on Pinkie's left.

"There will be a slight change for the next vote" said the disembodied voice." They will speak as one, but they will cast two votes. You may begin, numbers six and seven."

Two lights illuminated this time. One focused on a unicorn with an electric blue mane and white fur. The other light focused on an earth pony with a dark gray mane and grayish fur.

"Wassup! Wassup! My name's Octavia Melody! Ugh, Vinyl" said the gray mare in a deadpan voice that was undoubtedly trying its best to imitate the loud, obnoxious voice of the DJ.

"Aww don't worry 'bout it Octy." said the unicorn. Then, in what could amount to be a very bad Hoofstralian accent, she said "Ey dare mites, nem's Vainyl Scratch.."

"I DO NOT SOUND LIKE THAT VINYL!" screamed Octavia.

"Suuuuuure you do" said Vinyl.

"Moving on" replied Octavia. "I do the music on the show, while Vinyl here does the sound mixing, and Vinyl, if you please, as I cannot seem to summon the same rage like you do..."

"THAT PONY DRIVES US BONKERS!!" raged Vinyl. "With her playing ten instruments! Her parties! Her MUSICAL NUMBERS!! HER...!!"

"That's quite enough, Vinyl" said Octavia.

"We have our work cut out for us. The orchestral score is no problem for me, but having me and Vinyl, even with her magic, play ten instruments at once is maddening. We cannot allow this to continue. Either that, or we need more ponies in the sound department. However, with the budget unable to bolster our numbers, and with season six production starting soon, we can no longer tolerate the stress this imparts on us, and we vote.."

Octavia stood up and Vinyl did the same and in unison they both said their votes. "Guilty."

The lights once again faded, and two red numbers, a '6' and a '7' once again illuminated, and floated towards Pinkie who sat there motionless, eyes still downcast, and mane still limp. Poor Pinkie.

Another light, another member of the tribunal. This time it focused on a brown earth pony with a dark brown mane and he spoke in a Trottingham accent.

"Allo! Allo! Name's Doctor Hooves, and like my colleague, Colgate, I too deal with Time. But unlike my colleague here who deals with the dead...erm...lines, I deal more on time spent explaining how our show, and how our universe works to our dear viewers and readers. When it comes to Pinkie, for all the trouble she causes, she can easily be summed up in one point seven eight seconds, and three words with two variations. Those words being "She's Pinkie Pie" or "It's Pinkie Pie." Those words are enough, that it has already been accepted as canon, and helps reduce the time of having to explain her. Therefore I vote not guilty. Allons-y"

The light then faded, and a green number '14' floated next to Pinkie Pie.

"Alright, that's enough for now. Court is in recess and will resume in two hours as the author's pizza has arrived." said the disembodied voice.

"So far it is a tie with three votes guilty, and three votes not guilty, with eleven more votes to go. See you all in two hours. Hey writer, can you pass me some pizza?"

Pinkie just sat there, probably paralyzed with fear...

Author's Note

"You think people would find out who I am?" asked the disembodied voice.

I hope not. Tagged some of the tribunal members but not you.

"How's the rest of your fics doing?"

The first one needs more likes while the second one needs more views

"Shameless self promotion on the authors note?"

Yep.

"Well the two hours are up! I'll see you after the trial!"

Court Is Back In Session

"The court is once again in session," said the disembodied voice. "We shall now hear from the next member of the tribunal."

Once again the sound of a switch being thrown stabbed the silence. There, under a light, seating behind her desk, sat a light cornflower blue furred earth pony. with silver white hair and magenta eyes.

"Greetings everyone, my name is Shoeshine while others call me Linky," she said. "I handle the different sound effects that you hear in the show, specifically the clopping noises one hears when ponies walk."

There were some snickers and one loud guffaw from the darkness.

"Oh will you grow up! Stop acting so foalish!" shouted Shoeshine.

Shoeshine cleared her throat, "As you can clearly see, Pinkie Pie has her own set of sound effects, from her parties, to her party cannon, to the sound of her hair poofing up, her squee, and other various effects. What drives me crazy though is not having the sound effect for her popping up on screen, be it on top, on the side, or on the bottom of the fourth wall, or from any kind of container that is nearby. She mocks me by not walking or running like regular ponies! I am proud of the sound of my clopping..."

Laughter erupted all over and Shoeshine blushed.

"Ah forget it! I vote guilty!" said Shoeshine.

The light faded once more, and a red '8' illuminated and floated next to Pinkie.

Up next was a cream colored earth pony with a blue and pink mane.

"Hi everyone, my name is Sweetie Drops, aka Bon Bon. It is my job to maintain the sweetness of the show. In line with this, and upon seeing a dramatic shift in Pinkie's personality in season four, the episode Filli Vanilli being the biggest example, I have to vote guilty. Sorry Pinkie."

The light once again went out, and a red '4' illuminated and floated next to Pinkie.

Amethyst Star was up next.

"Hi everyone, just call me Ammy, and I represent the ratings system, specifically the MPAA and FCC. Since Pinkie's breaking of the fourth wall does not in anyway change our G rating, I abstain from the voting."

The light faded, and a grey number '9' floated above Pinkie.

The next member was a pegasus, with a teal like mane and yellow fur.

"Hi everyone, I'm Sunshower Raindrops, a.k.a. Drippy. I represent the color artists for the show. I have nothing against Pinkie Pie breaking the fourth wall since it does not, in any way, clash with the color palette of the show. The only pony I have a problem with would be Rarity. With her clothing design using obscure colors, it's driving me absolutely nuts! Colors like mauve, salmon, ochre, sarcoline, coquelicot, wenge and yes those are actual colors, look it up on google people!!!! I vote not guilty!"

Once again, the light faded, and a green number '12' floated next to Pinkie.

The next light focused on a gray pegasus with a yellow blonde mane. What was unnerving was the way her eyes were set. It wasn't the ditzy look like in the show.It was unnervingly normal.

"Greetings and salutations" rang a regal and cultured voice. "I am Ditzy Doo, and I, as a member of this tribunal, must now pass my judgment on Pinkie Pie, who sits here accused of breaking the fourth wall numerous times. Numerous people have speculated about my cutie mark. 'Why seven bubbles?' they ask. Well, let me clear it up for you. These, are not bubbles. These here are the seven circles of hell that the fourth wall has to go through after Pinkie Pie breaks it. The poor wall is now traumatized, and I would like to see a stop to it to give it a chance to heal. I vote guilty."

A red number '2' floated near Pinkie Pie.

The next member of the tribunal was a unicorn with a light gray mane with light indigo streaks, and a pale light yellowish coat.

"Good afternoon everyone, I am Upper Crust, and I track the shows finances and merchandising. In order to keep this show going, we need revenue. Revenue pays for sets, colors, hay fries, hay burgers, magical reagents, and so on. Many think that the revenue from Sweet Apple Acres is enough to keep the show going, but this is not the case. Pinkie Pie merchandise consistently ranks among the the top three sold in every merchandise endeavor we have taken. The only exception to this, is the merchandise sales from Build-A-Bear, where, the top three merchandises sold are Trixie, Trixie's cape and hat, and Trixie's voice. Therefore, in order to keep this show going, and to give all of us attractive dental, health and retirement packages, I vote not guilty."

The light faded from Upper Crust and a green number '17' floated next to Pinkie.

The next member was a mint green unicorn.

"Hey guys, Lyra Heartstrings here, and this is what I got to say."

Lyra pointed to her Cutie Mark. "Hoo-mans normally think that this cutie mark is a lyre, after all I do play the lyre, and with a name like Lyra, you couldn't go wrong. However, what this actually represents is the strings I have to pull in order to get Pinkie's parties to work. It would be fiiiiiiine if the mayor was nice, but in reality, she's a freaking dominatrix! I literally have to bend over just to get Pinkie's parties approved! Want to know why I sit like a hoo-man? That's because it's the most comfortable position for me after paying the "mayor's fees" for Pinkie's parties! I vote guilty!"

The light once again shut off, and this time a red number '1' floated to Pinkie.

Next up was a green maned earth pony with a yellow coat.

"Howdy y'all! Names Apple Fritter and I handle the catering of the show. Everything you eat in the show is something that I, or my army of cooks made. You'd think AJ or Sugarcube Corner were the ones baking their pies or cupcakes but you're wrong. Those one hundred percent, grade A foods are proudly made by the Fritter-Neigh company! With the revenue she gives to my company, I'd like to see more of Pinkie's parties. Heck, if y'all could another episode like Pinkie Pride, I'd be forever grateful to y'all."

There was a loud "OH COME ON!!! I COULDN'T SIT PROPERLY FOR A WEEK AFTER THAT!" shout, but Apple Fritter just ignored it.

"Pinkie Pie..thanks to you, mah company has grown from its humble origins, to what it is today. I want to see more of you, and more of your party ideas. I vote not guilty!" said Apple Fritter

The light once again went off, and a green number '13' floated next to Pinkie who had yet to move. The weight of the trial and a vote of seven "guilty" to six "not guilty" seemingly paralyzing the party pony.

"Good afternoon everyone!" the earth pony known as Carrot Top greeted.

"For years, I've lived under the shadow of the Fritter-Neigh company, and the dominance of Sweet Apple Acres but it was okay with me as the world felt right. However, when Pinkie had a drastic change in the Filli Vanilli episode, I felt the pain of the fandom. Those carrot posts that you saw in Facebook? It might have been a joke, but that's what a lot of Pinkie Pie fans felt. They wanted nothing more than to bury themselves in something after seeing their idol take down Big Mac and Fluttershy. I'd understand Big Mac losing, but who in their right mind scares Fluttershy?! Pinkie, you just don't do that to best pony for three years running. I vote guilty!"

This time a red '3' floated near Pinkie.

Eight "guilty" votes, six "not guilty" with one abstaining. Things are not looking good for Pinkie.

The light then shone on a white pony with a pink mane.

"Hello everyone, I'm Nurse Redheart, and I'd just like to say that with Pinkie around, it makes everything easier for us. We no longer have to scramble to get ponies to the hospital. We just have a few teams follow her, and every time we see her doing her Pinkie sense, we just interpret it and follow where it leads. Ponies such as Caramel, Mr. Breezy, Button Mash, Fleur de Lis, and many more greatly benefited from having a medical team arrive immediately after something fell on them, got burned by hot coffee, and well, you get the idea. I therefore vote not guilty!"

The light vanished and a green '15' floated next to Pinkie.

"Mares and gentlecolts of the tribunal. It therefore falls to me to decide Pinkie's fate" said the disembodied voice.

"With a surprise vote from Ms. Harshwhinny, the most that could happen now is either a tie, or a guilty vote. I have also rejected all calls for a trial for Ms. Harshwhinny for breaking character, as she has always shown a golden heart beneath her gruff exterior."

"In the event of a tie, Pinkamena Diane Pie will be found not guilty, but I, as Arbiter, will render unto her punishment fit for her crime."

"Let me begin by saying that gone are the days of slapstick comedy. The golden age of the great Bugs Bunny, Woody Woodpecker and Droopy, the silver age of Animaniacs, Angry Beavers and Hey Arnold!, and the Modern Age of Dexter's Lab, Johnny Bravo and the Powerpuff girls. The comedy of todays cartoons have to be politically correct, not offend anyone, not involve anvils and explosions, and also not be racially insensitive. Although you are correct that Pinkie Pie has broken the fourth wall numerous times, she has done so in the name of comedy, and I find nothing wrong with it! Never did she abuse it! I represent the comedy that you see in this universe. Therefore, I, Screw Ball, say that Pinkie Pie is not guilty!"

A green number '11' then floated towards Pinkie. Upon reaching her, the numbers coalesced, red mixing with green, while the gray number '9' disappeared. After a few moments the room was bathed in a grayish light.

"As you can see, we have a tie, which automatically results in a not guilty verdict." said Screw Ball to the tribunal members around her. "There is just the matter of punishment."

Screw Ball then stood up.

"Pinkamena Diane Pie, you have been found not guilty on the charges of breaking the fourth wall. With a not guilty verdict, you avoid exile, however I have to render punishment upon you."

Screw Ball then pointed at Pinkie.

"Pinkie Pie, from this moment on, you shall no longer be allowed to break the fourth wall...........WITHOUT MAKING SWEET, SWEET LOVE TO IT FIRST!! You must caress it, fondle it, render foreplay unto it, be gentle with it, and guide it through the motions, but in no way are you allowed to break the fourth wall in a WHAM! BAM! THANK YOU MA'M manner. Case is closed and court is adjourned!"

The lights came on, and the ponies slowly filed out of Twilight's castle. Shouts of "Thanks Twilight!", "Hey Twilight! let's have dinner sometime!", and "Allons-y!" were heard from the various members of the tribunal while Screw Ball put on her cap and floated away to prepare for her scenes. Twilight entered and upon seeing a downcast, Pinkie Pie approached her.

"What was that about Pinkie?" asked Twilight.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie popped up from underneath her crown. "I don't know Twilight! Everything seems okie-dokie-lokie to me!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie. "Oh look there's my life-like Pinkamena cake! I wonder what it's doing here? It was supposed to be at Gummy's party by now! Hey author guy! Did I miss anything?"

Yes Pinkie you kinda missed everything.

"Oh don't worry about it writer guy, I have your story on my read later list. I'll read it after Gummy's party! Well, see you later!" Pinkie then blew me a kiss.

See you later Pinkie, thanks!

Author's Note

"What kind of ending was that?!" said Screw Ball. "You're running out of ideas!"

After three stories in a week Screw Ball, I probably am. With that ending, Pinkie Pie can still be herself in the upcoming seasons, the comics and fanfiction.

"And what's with those colors? You're getting lazy and just coming up with stuff! And the way you described the ponies mane and coats?! Good thing you didn't describe me!"

I typed in obscure color names in Google and used the MLP Wiki for the pony colors. I'm a guy after all, and my color vocabulary is limited to red, orange, yellow, green blue and violet.

"Fritter-Neigh?"

A play on Frito-Lay, a giant food company that produces potato chips, cheese puffs and many more in my world.

"Good thing you didn't run out of ideas and left this as incomplete. Your brain must be tired from having to think of the stuff for the jury members, huh?" asked Screw Ball.

Yep, I am tired, and with me having to do the editing and proofreading by myself, lets just say I need to relax. Good job on the verdict, but I have no idea how you make sweet, sweet love to the fourth wall.

"Why don't I show you?" mused Screw Ball in a dreamy seductive voice. "Only you can screw me right. After all, the stallions from Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns are not as 'gifted' as you!" said Screw Ball with a mischievous look in her eyes.

Well I guess I won't be writing stuff for a while. Need to Screw Ball first.

I HAVE TO DO WHAT?!?!?!? - Pinkie