How to Blend in with the Crowd

by Sapphiros

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Human, Anthro, Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 4386

As my life was about to end with a bang , some wackjob that I knew of decided to give me a break and change my fate. Lo and behold, I end up in Equestria with new abilities and a desire to taunt the poor creatures. Sorry bub, I aim to tease.

Freak accidents are a standard way for people to enter Equestria and not have to worry about going back. Suffice to say I didn't even know it would happen to me, should have expected it though since life is terribly cliche. Now I've arrived in Equestria a week before Nightmare Moon returns and I have no desire to get caught up in the story. I just desire to taunt them relentlessly with vague hints and prophetic songs. And so I step forth into a new world armed with the knowledge of fandom, cliches, and the mad skills to use them both.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-21 21:50:02 UTC

The Cliche Entrance and the Random Displaced

               How does a normal day begin, except by waking up? Unfortunately for me I wake up in the afternoon for the most part. I’m not a morning person until I’m out of bed in the morning. It sounds odd but standing me on my feet in daylight is like my version of coffee, except when I’m really tired, then all bets are off unless it’s absolutely necessary. Needless to say it doesn’t stop my dad from making me do volunteer work at his office. Being the “Volunteer File Clerk” is not fun when you have to manually go through over 10,000 files and document them with name, number, and when it can be gotten rid of. I’ve only gotten through 1,900 files after over a month of work. I have to contribute to the house somehow though right?

Anyways, I went through the boring routine of “I got up, got out of bed, took a shower, got dressed, drank a soda, and got in the car.” like every other day and started driving through same zigzag route out of my neighborhood. It’s uneventful really, except this day I had to go up to Pooler to apply for a job. I also changed my route this one time and took the forest road. With that said it’s not really a forest road so much a winding path across a military base in the expanse where they have tank trails and firing ranges for all sort of military things, at least the cannonfire sounds nice…… dammit Murphy. Just like that, my life ends, Murphy’s law and the universe screwed me over by ending me with iron, and irony. Somehow a tank was pointed towards the road when it fired its cannon. The end result was that I became a shell of what I once was….. Gods I am a terrible joker.

One of my favorite quotes of all time says that one should not fear death, only the path to it. It failed to mention that Death was apparently some beautiful lady.

“You gonna get up? Or are you just going to keep lying down on the ground?”

“.... Do I really have to?” I whined like a boss. What? I’m lazy.

“No, you don’t. Just asking.”

“Curse you and your reverse psychology Lady, Now I have to get up.” And so I did, making those weird noises that people sometimes make when they stretch as I just did.

“Alright, but my names not Lady,” she said.

“Ya sure? Oh wait! I know! Your name is, ummm, hold on, let me think of a witty thing to say your name is. AHA! I got it! It’s Mistress Marevolous!” I say, snapping my fingers in realization.

“... Really? Are you not going to ask politely?”

I held my chin as I looked up whilst thinking. “Not really, I read lots of fanfiction. My words read count is over 23 million! Suffice to say, I died a cliche death, I’ve almost always wanted to be something that wasn’t just human, and I think I was indoctrinated by the My Little Pony fandom in the last months of my life.”

“I know. Besides, who said anything about dying? Now, if I must, I will introduce myself. I am Essence. The Musician. The Mad. The Lady of Worlds.”

“....Yup, I’m screwed. Or was it pen-nope it’s screwed, since the round was fired down a probably spiraled barrel to increase power. Ignoring that, do I count as weird guy version of you because of what my abilities will be and the fact that my madness is logicalness?”

“No, you don’t. In all the Multiverses, there are only two versions of me. This one and the one who is a complete human. Madness, I see the very coding of the universe at times. Few could make a comparison. None actually.”

“What about that one Displaced guy who sold Teridax the Mask of Time? Or was it life? It’s been a while since I read it, but that guy basically became a universal programmer. It’s too bad it’s been a while since it updated.”

“You mean Umbra? Naw, he’s pretty sane. Do you know of a MidnightChaos in your world? She writes about me sometimes.”

“Oh yeah! My Imouto.” At this I can’t help but grin evilly, she can’t glare at me from here, Muahahahahahahahaha. “Yeah I’m the guy who told her that she broke the mad triad and made it a quad.” I smirk at the last reference. You all know what it is.

“I saw that! Her reaction was great. The thing is she needs to sever her connection to all those Displaced. Did you know she recently wrote Auric in the War of Understanding? I swear, she’s gonna burn out.” A rimshot echoed through the small space.

“Meh, I shun the shiny boy. The first story was okay, afterwards…… ‘Nuff said. And yeah I know, I’m kinda talking with her right now?” I reply, revealing to the woman my tablet on the Displaced IRC channel.

“Tell her I said hi! Anyway. I think she did good mimicking the style.”

“Sure, after she stops preening herself with shameless self promotion. Speaking of! Guess what!”

“What?”

“I have successfully derailed the story before it even got started.” I laugh

“Nice. So, any specific things you want as a Displaced? Powers, electronics, and what-not?” the catgirl asked.

“Basically the OC/SI package into an anthroquestria, plus knowledge and perfect recollection of all songs. Maybe a Zune with all the songs on them too.”

“Heh. Music. That’s easy. I can put every song in the Multiverse on here. The OC bit is easy too.”

“Also, let the record state that the cutie mark I shall bear will be the Wings of the Mardu.”

Essence snapped her fingers, a hum sounding throughout the little area. “There you go!”

Ouch, yikes, wowzers this hurts, I know it shouldn’t really but people laugh at pain. Just like you are laughing at my suffering as I become a cliche of everything. “Pain! I like it rough~ Pain! I can’t get enough~”

“What are you? A Masochist?” The catgirl asked.

“What? No!” I reply, having finished the transformation into my smexy new awesomesauce self. “I’m a sadist. Haven’t you ever heard Three Days Grace woman?”

“Um hello? Musician? I MADE Three Days Grace. I was making a joke.” Essence looked at the man and up to you. “Can you believe this guy?”

“Hey hey hey! No direct speech to the audience! Thoughts only! It’s funnier that way because the only party can’t read minds.”

“Oh yeah. You’re right.” Can you believe this guy? “Better?”

“Not really, the jokes been played and negated, now we’re just holding up the story.” I nod sagely

“Fine fine. I’ll just send you to Equestria and this chapter will be ready to go,” the catgirl said.

“The next question, will this be before or after my lecture about stealth?”

“Before?”

“Really?”

“I guess if you want you can do a quick lecture. Ask your author though.”

“Really Really?”

“Yes?”

“Really Really Really?”

“JUST DO IT ALREADY!” Essence yelled.

“Huh, I was half expecting you to sparta kick my ass already. Oh well.”

And with that, Essence spartan kicked him in the back of the head. With perfectly perfect trajectory, he landed in Equestria. “HAVE FUN~!”

I only needed to do one thing as I fell, I flipped the bird with both hands and grinned like a badass, until an spear of light hit me directly in the face.

And so it Begins

How does one blend in with the Crowd? It's actually rather easy if you hate being noticed. However, if you're someone not used to sneaking around or even thinking about being noticed, you probably will unable to pick up the skill of blending in. Let's use the example of Twilight Sparkle. If she was given a mission to just blend in with the crowd she would immediately start thinking too hard on how to do so until she saw someone just do it.

If you doubt me on this, think back to that episode where she played a cosmic joke on herself. The time travel one that is, I had forgotten her proclivity to being a well of entertainment. She actually put on a black sneak suit to sneak around. Granted that it did help her blend in with the shadows but she ended up not needing it at all to actually enter the archives. The guard just let her in.

That's a good stereotypical example for "sneaking" around, but there was no reason to hide in the first place. She over thought all of it right off the back.... Wait, its Twilight, she's a poor example to use for anything really.

Okay, new example, you want to infiltrate a building and then retrieve something. Most people, as a result of watching too many motion pictures would think up some crazy scheme involving rope, black outfits, masks, and air ducts. You don't need to though. As it turns out, you're smart enough to realize that all you needed was a badge and an outfit that made you look as if you belonged. So once you have memorized the route to objective, you just walk in and retrieve the object. Then walk out. More often than not no one will notice until you're long gone. Cameras? Not a problem, this is Equestria. Rather, one Equestria where everyone is anthropomorphic( even the cows! That was an odd day ) and it's setting is the same as in the show.

Alright, time to get to the story of your somewhat typical human turned pony in Equestria. This Equestria had a way of knowing when something entered their dimension and suitably had a force of their own to track down and neutralize, in any fashion deemed necessary, the thing that entered the dimension. The only thing that saved me was that they had no magical or technological means to track me down after I left my landing zone. Well, that wasn't the only thing, the fact that my LZ was also in the everfree forest did allow me a good head start time wise before they even got where I landed. It was funny really. I didn't even know they were looking for me until they started questioning people in Ponyville. It was at that point that I essentially blended in with the crowd and escaped their notice. Oh, they questioned me alright, questions like What my name is, where was I from, how did my name relate to my talent? Easy stuff really. They did have a lie detector spell going as we were questioned. So I answered truthfully.

"My name is Mimic Stream, I came from the great necropolis that is Savannah, my talent is that I can produce and reproduce any sound that I put my mind to by utilizing my voice, my wings, and a healthy dose of Pegasus magic. Would you like for me to demonstrate?" I asked the woman sitting across from me. She wasn't a woman really, but in my defense she wasn't bad looking for an anthropomorphic Diamond Dog.

She shot the unicorn in the corner a glance before he shook his head, which unsurprisingly made her sigh and turn back to me. I felt sorry for the poor girl, says had the right person, just not the right questions. "Maybe later, have you been in the Everfree Forest sometime during the past three days?" She asked, good question to ask me finally, this way she can trap me in the why.

"Yeah, I have actually. That place is rather interesting." I replied, my new pony face and eyes lost in the memories of what I'd seen while I was there. Sorry, Delilah(better nickname pending), this dimensional traveler is getting away because he knows things about the Everfree.

The hopeful look on her was priceless, I even felt her disturb the air with her happily wagging tail. "Why were you there Mr. Stream?" It was odd hearing her say that, but the name itself is an odd combination and feels weird when spoken out loud.

"Mimic is fine, and I was there to see how well I could blend in with my surroundings. It feels positively amazing when you can just remain still and watch as everything passes by and yet nothing notices you. Be it predator or prey nothing caught onto me while I was in there." Remarkably enough, this was true and brought a smile to my face upon just remembering how I sat unnoticed by all. Just a little bit of a power trip there, nothing to worry about....

I gotta stop making people's jaws drops, not only Delilah was dumbstruck but the unicorn was as well. They should've seen it coming though, my first name is Mimic and my coat and mane colors allow me to blend into the forest. My fur, when I ended up here, was revealed to be a very very dark olive-green that would allow me to sit in front of a bush and then disappear. Its awesome! My mane and tail color ended up being a dark grey. The overall effect is some high level skills in blending in when in the forest. The only things that didn't change color-wise were my eyes, they remained an entrancing grey-blue that when paired with my colors allowed them to just draw people's attention whenever they look at my face for the first time.

"So... you were in the Everfree, to blend in and stalk everything?" The unicorn, who I nicknamed Red, asked, speaking for the first time. The disbelief and what is wrong with this pony was definitely written on his face. You need to work on that bub. Though to be fair, he is up against me.

"For the most part yeah, I also stopped by the castle to explore it for a bit. Helped quite a bit when navigating the forest." Hey, I had time, wouldn't you check the place out? Especially when we don't really know when the place was abandoned. By the dating on the books(Laugh it up ya schmucks, knowledge is power and the easiest way to prepare an alibi, I read fanfics too.) I think dear Celly managed to get another Century out of the old place before moving to Canterlot. Also, the tower helped me find Ponyville. It was odd setting foot in the room where Luna would come back from Lala Land. One of those 'wow, I'm really here and this is fucking crazy' moments. Then your hair rises and you realize Nightmare Moon is actually still lurking around, but that's besides the point.

The unicorn seemingly becomes even more puzzled because I have yet to lie and have produced true reasons as to why I was in the forest where the anomaly happened. Yeah these two are idiots. I feel sorry for their squad. "Not to be rude but do you have any more questions you need to ask? As much as I enjoy chatting about my excursions into the uncharted I do need to practice so as to keep my talent in top form."

This takes a second to register in their minds before the diamond dog smirks at me. Clever girl, your reasoning is good, test a new arrival to see if he can actually do as he said he can. Now she's going to- "Would you mind demonstrating your ability for us? If it's not too much trouble that is. We haven't ever seen a Pegasus who can do what you say you can." Oho! Right in the male card. I admire you for your willingness to insult Delilah dear. Good Job.

Unfortunately for me, the grin that split my face was too painful to hold for long. Also, it was incredibly unnerving for them as I apparently had much sharper than average(average for a Pegasus that is, Apparently they could eat fish and Unicorns and Earth Ponies can't.) and it just added a number of points to the WTF factor I had going for me. "I would LOVE to give y'all a performance. Is there a lake nearby that I could do it at? The lake would allow me to perform better." My quick reply and creepy smile must have been too much for the poor dears, the Dog merely nodded with her mouth hanging as low as a mouth can go.

"Glorious! It's been quite a while since I put on a show for anyone and I may just be a smidge overjoyed at the notion. Well, I'll go ahead and wait for you there." I spoke as I damn near skipped out of that room. Can you blame me though? I get to befuddle the hunters hunting me. I feel like a regular ol' Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck making his rounds with poor ol' Elmer J. Fudd.

I'm barely out of normal earshot(hey, my specialty is sound, I can still hear them) before I hear the Dog ask the Unicorn "On a scale of one to ten, how scary was that?"

I don't give the poor guy time to reply as I let the air carry my voice back into the building and to the room "I'd say it was a six or seven personally. If I was covered in blood and looking at him it would be a solid ten.". The Unicorn lets loose a girly shriek at the sound of my disembodied voice just speaking out of nowhere. The Diamond Dog just shakes her head and sighs. That's too bad actually, she has entered the not questioning things mode and has thus become no fun... for now at least. I let loose a laugh to myself and continue on to the lake, skipping all the way there.

Tis a perfect day to perform, and by that I mean it's cloudy with a chance of freefalls. The dude and dudette have finally caught up and disturbed my psuedo-nap. What? They took a while so I laid back and relaxed on the grass. It's a pity that there are actually other ponies here to witness this. I may have been able to ramp up the scare factor a bit more.... wait a minute, I can do that anyways.

"You gonna perform or what?" The Unicorn, did I name him Bob or was it Bartholomew, whatever it doesn't matter, interrupted my thoughts.

"Why yes, just let me get into position and I can start the show. Everything has to be PERFECT!" I swear my pitch rose as I said that last word.... who am I kidding I did that on purpose. Either way, I turned around and starting walking to the center of the lake whilst smiling happily as ponies gazed upon my mad skillz with obvious flabbergastedness. What skills are that you ask? I can walk on water BEEOTCH! BOOYAH! It takes maybe a minute to reach the center of the lake and I start up a sphere of wind, that according to the Dresden Files will make any Pegasus uneasy, to surround the lake along with the nearby shore area.

"What in Celestia's name!? How in Tartarus are you doing that?!?" Yes! He asked! And there is my cue to pay tribute to the Queen!

The winds start whipping around me and the sky darkens as my grin grows and my wings flair out. An illusory Fedora and fancy Zoot suit is conjured onto my awesome

self by sheer will of Pegasus magic. Step aside Trixie! Its time for the Mimic to Stream!

Youtube Video

"It's a kind of Magic." I reply in song to the unicorn as the old and yet still amazing song starts tickling our ears. My fingers are snapping already. Hell yes for snazzy beginnings!

"It's a kind of Magic." I repeat as the song's power grows. As does my confidence. Queen could control a stadium with no trouble. Will I be able to do the same?

"It's a kind of Magic." I repeat for the third time. Magic is all about focus isn't it?

"One dream." To master my talent "One soul." Two bodies for these memories "One prize one goal." My prize and goal is to taunt these and all others with my knowledge.

"One golden glance..... Of what should be." That I offer thee.

"It's a kind of magic." That it is.

"One Shaft, Of light, that shows the way" I've got nothing for this one. Wait, here we go. Freddy was gay and awesome!

"No mortal one, Can win this day." Tata hunters. I'm smarter than your average man.

"It's a kind of Magic" that I know and you don't Jerry.

"The bell that rings! Inside your mind." Holy shit I love this song. It's PERFECT for taunting.

"Is challenging! .... The doors of Time." I know the future.

"It's a kind of Magic"

"The waiting seems, Eternity." Gods it would be funny if tomorrow was the Summer Sun Festival.

"The day will dawn. Of Sanity" Whoa, a crowd is gathering to watch my performance.

"Is this a kind..... Of Magic?" Sanity in Ponyville? You betcha.

"It's a kind of Magic." Man this is turning out to be more Prophetic that I thought.

"There can be only one." Is that Rainbow Dash in the crowd?

"This rage.... That lasts a thousand years!" HOLY SHIT that unicorn tensed up. I feel like Wound Salt!

"Will soon be done!" Yes! Be flabbergasted my pretties. Absolutely Confuzzles you must be!

"This flame, that burns, Inside of me." Well I am on fire today.

"I'm hearing secret" yes! Tense up even more as I delay the prophecy!

"Harmonies." I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG NOW!

"It's a kind of magic."

"The bell that rings! Inside your mind." It's loud enough that even I can hear it. Yeesh.

"Is challenging! .... The doors of Time~" Oh right, my presence can alter time.

"It's a kind of magic."

"It's a kind of magic." Cue a short solo.

"This rage.... That lasts a thousand years!" Now I know Brian isn't happy!

"Will soon be will soon will soon be done!" Lighten up, at least Delilah likes it.

"This is (this is) a kind of magic. Yeahhhhh~" And here is where the sound magic comes in with additional voices.

"There can be only one- one one one~" Let the sound echo a bit.

"This rage.... That lasts a thousand years!" Now I know Brian isn't happy!

"Will soon be done!"

"DONE!" Echoes the illusion of a choir I conjure up. They begin snapping for me so I can entertain the crowd.

"Magic~" They sing, oh hey they look like me.... even the chicks? Wut?

"It's a kind of magic"

"It's a kind of magic- magic magic MAGIC!" Not everything needs snark y'know.

"Ha ha ha ha It's magic!" I say normally, as Per the lyrics and now comes more illusions.... this time playing instruments?

"Ha ha!" I'm having fun!

"Yeah yeah!" I cheer, the choir having long since faded.

"Wooh!" I know I don't need to but still!

"It's a kind of Magic." As I sing this last part the winds fade and the sky brightens up again.

Once the music finishes fading away the audience begins their applause. I allow a small smile to cross my face before I bow and succinctly fade from sight. This part is easy though, I just use the air surrounding me to alter the path of the light rays that would hit me. It does nothing to cover up my hoofsteps as I walk back to shore though. It does, however, allow me to return to the duo before any of the crowd can swarm me.

At first it looked as if the already red unicorn could not get any redder than he was. But he somehow managed it. Delilah dearest helped out though by telling the poor stallion that I wasn't gone yet, merely unable to be seen. At these words he finally wizened up and cast a true sight spell, finally allowing him to see me.

Unfortunately for him, the crowd had dispersed enough to allow me to reveal myself comfortably. Goddess this is a perfect way to start a new life.

"Alright, you are cleared of all suspicion." Lattimore says grudgingly to me. You can tell because he is grinding his jaw and really really isn't happy. Then it finally clicks.

He grins so evilly that I can't help but look at Delilah and raise an eyebrow at her. "Say... What do you know of Nightmare Moon?"

...... Really? I mean I knew it was coming but this is pathetic. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost, but I am a sadistic bastard and like to play with other's minds when there is no chance of it it biting me in the ass. Besides, I know you people would do the same thing. "Nightmare Moon? Isn't that supposed to be a foal's tale? What, you don't still believe in her do you?" Burrrrrnnnn!

At this he flares up like Twilight did when faced with the unreal existence that was Pinkie Pie and her foresight. As he was about to let loose a tirade his partner clocked him over the head and KOed the poor misbegotten fool. She turned towards me and gave a strange sort of bow before looking me in the eyes with a small smile "I sincerely apologize for my comrades attitude and wish you luck with your future endeavors. You may want to perform more often though. You have quite the talent."

Gods almighty I knew I liked this girl! I returned the bow and gave her a grin. "It would be my pleasure. Though if I may ask, what is your name? Since I didn't know it I've taken to calling you Delilah in my mind." I asked since I got the feeling we might meet again in the future.

To my surprise she just shook her head at me and replied with a simple sentence before leaving with her companion over her shoulder. "You already know my name.

Wow. Ummmm, I think I just got screwed by Harmony.