A Joke Too Far

by ZOMG

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Shining Armor, Princess Celestia
Length: 2244

Cadance didn't know what to expect when her formerly banished Aunt Luna returned from her thousand year imprisonment in the moon. But, she's quite entertained by the hilarity.

Cadance didn't know what to expect when her formerly banished Aunt Luna returned from her thousand year banishment. But, she's quite entertained by the hilarity. Especially if it means a chance to play a little joke.

Edited by Habanc. Preread by The Albinocorn, Foals Errand, and Timaeus

Cover art was done by Silfoe and used with permission! In fact, this fic is a gift for her!

Now with Spanish translation by SPANIARD KIWI.

Published 2015-01-23 21:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-23 21:30:02 UTC

Meeting Auntie Luna

Cadance struggled to hold down her laughter. She bit her bottom lip, her cheeks puffing out as she tried desperately not to lose control in front of her beloved Auntie Celestia and newly-returned Aunt Luna.

Shining Armor, her personal guard and not-so-secret stallionfriend, was close by her side and in a similar state. The telltale twinkle in his eyes and the way he sucked on his lips to hide his grin betrayed his amusement. His shoulders shook, brushing against her own in silent laughter. But the award for best reaction had to go to her Auntie Celestia.

This wasn’t quite how she expected the little reunion to go. After all, it was the heroine of Celestia's bedtime stories, the guardian of the night, bringer of thunder, the mare who walked in dreams! The one and only Luna, Princess of the Night!

Did she really just… No way. She reached up and rubbed a hoof against her ear, as if to remove anything that might block out the sound. Cadance had to be hearing things. Gone for a millennium or not, Luna surely wouldn’t say something so crass, especially after one look at her.

Right?

Celestia’s jaw hung low, she gaped at her sister. "W-what did you say?"

Luna huffed and rolled her eyes. "Pray tell, sister of mine, have the years taken their toll on thy hearing as well as thy memory?"

"My hearing is just fine!"

If not for Shining Armor's support, Cadance would've toppled over and laughed herself silly. Oh, dear! This could get interesting! She took note of the alabaster hoof pawing at the tiled floor and gave her ever-faithful lover a subtle nudge. Years of silent communication around Twily paid off. Shining Armor nodded and stepped back with her, out of the "danger zone" as they had come to call it.

After all, the fun had only just begun.

Luna shook her head. “If I must, I shall repeat myself. For the benefit of thy poor hearing.”

“I told you, I am not hard of hearing!” Celestia stomped a hoof, cracks spider-webbed outward.

The couple took several more steps back. Well, that was quick, Cadance mused idly.I wonder how often this will become habit. Her ears perked up at the sound of enamel grinding. She glanced between her aunts, her laughter abating long enough for a smirk to play on her lips. Our mornings will certainly have a more colorful brand of entertainment.

Luna either didn’t notice her sister’s irritation, or simply paid it no mind. A thousand years of isolation had clearly left her a bit out of touch with society, her speech pattern alone was enough of an indication of that. But, still…

Luna must’ve had some serious gumption to press Auntie Celestia’s buttons—especially right after having plunged Equestria into darkness, having threatened Celestia’s student, and then having been ridden of the Nightmare that had plagued her for so long.

Granted, that last one might afford her a bit of leeway. But, depending on which buttons she pushed, there might be some alicorn powered fireworks in the Throne Room.

I wonder if I should dismiss the guards—if only so they can take cover. Cadance glanced over her shoulder to the two Day Guards stationed by the door. She waved her hoof in a subtle “shoo” motion and jerked her head.

The guards caught her hint, nodding their thanks as they slipped out and away from their princess’s impending wrath. Cadance always marveled at how quickly they were able to move in full armor, especially when slipping out of a room with hardly a sound.

Perhaps a method passed down through the ranks as a means to slip away without attracting Auntie Celestia’s attention when she was in a bad mood.

Her curiosity could wait until later, though. Her entertainment was only starting. Judging by the way Luna’s gaze had lowered to take note of the cracked stone, the fireworks were about to take off.

“Really, sister, was it necessary to display thy temper so openly? And in front of young Princess Cadence?”

Oh, goodie! Here we go! Cadance schooled her expression, hiding her grin in favor of a wide-eyed look and small smile, the perfect picture of innocence.

“I should hardly think this is the example to set for thy daughter—”

And there it is! Cadance bit the inside of her lip. Her sides ached and strained with her efforts to withhold the laughter that threatened to break through.

Celestia’s eye twitched. “Luna,” She hissed, barely above a whisper, “I’m going to say it one more time. I want you to listen, and listen well. Cadance is not. My. Daughter!”

Cadance ducked her head, her shoulders shaking in silent laughter. This is just too much!

“Control thy anger, sister!” Luna snapped back. “Dost thou forget the presence of thine own flesh and blood in your irrational state? The poor filly doth weep at your rejection!” There was a steady cadence of hooves clopping against the floor as she strode forward. Cadance squeaked as a powerful hoof was wrapped around her and she was pulled into a soft embrace. “Worry not, fair niece of mine.” Luna nuzzled her cheek. “Thy mother will come around when she is over this little tantrum.”

Shining Armor’s sudden, suspicious bout of coughing did nothing to help Cadance regain control of herself. In fact, an idea took root in her mind.

Sometimes, you just have to make your own entertainment. Cadance hung her head, poking her lip out. Her eyes watered as she whimpered. “Oh, it’s okay, Princess Luna.” Years of practice pulling the weeping filly act on her stallionfriend came into play as she pretended to hold back tears. “M-Mother never does like to admit that I’m h-hers!” She wrapped her hooves around her aunt’s neck and buried her muzzle into Luna’s shoulders for added effect.

“Wh-What?!” Celestia nearly tumbled over. “Cadance, you—”

“Hast thou not hurt this poor filly enough? If thou did not desire to raise her, then perhaps ye should have taken thine own advice on preventative spells, oh hypocritical sister of mine!”

Cadance snorted, struggling to keep herself from falling over and breaking into a fit of laughter. She cracked open an eye to look at her surrogate aunt and mentor. The wide-eyed stare, the slacked jaw, the complete loss of Princess Celestia’s near legendary composure…

Priceless! She couldn’t resist the urge to grin at her old teacher, a little quirk that Celestia’s keen eyes did not miss. Ever eager to get one over on the elder mare, Cadance stuck her tongue out at her.

As Celestia inhaled sharply, her nostrils flaring as she no doubt caught onto Cadance’s little ruse, the princess of love decided to stir the pot a little more. “She gave you that talk too?” She pulled back to look into Luna’s teal eyes. “The same one she gave Shiny and me when we started dating?”

“C-Cadance!” Shining Armor sputtered, almost on cue, his cheeks taking on a deep pinkish hue.

Luna spared the blushing stallion a glance, looking him up and down. “Hmm, this is your beloved, niece?” A nod and small smile. “I approve. He doth seem to have an air of silliness about him, but I can sense the strength within him. He shall make an excellent father for thy foals!”

She turned her attention away from Shining Armor, completely missing the way his ears pinned back as he fell to his haunches.“F-Foals? B-But we… She… I… A father?”

Cadance barely caught his low whimper, filing it away for later use. So much material in one short morning! Today was a good day to be the Princess of Love!

But the spectacle before her was kicking back into gear. Luna had released her in favor of directing her full attention to Celestia once again. “Well, sister? What say you? Art thou ready to cease this silliness and introduce me to my niece properly?”

There was a moment’s pause. Celestia’s lips curved upward into a tight smile.

Cadance’s mind raced as she noted the gleam in her mentor’s eyes; the same gleam they always took on whenever the gears in that ancient, seemingly all-knowing mind went into overdrive to put together some challenge, to outwit an opponent, or, more likely in this case…

To play a trick…

“Forgive me, Lulu. And you as well, daughter. “ Alarm bells rang in Cadance’s head as Celestia stepped toward her and placed a hoof on her back. That smile turned predatory, her eyes danced with mischievous intent. “I don’t know what came over me. Perhaps just a little relapse of emotions, a common side effect of digging up the past, I hear.”

Cadance was pulled in close, her smaller frame pressed against her aunt’s side. She was trapped!

Perhaps this wasn't my best idea… She tried to sidestep, pasting a grin on her face as she struggled to wriggle herself out from under Celestia’s powerful foreleg.

Celestia’s smile slowly turned shark-like . The fur on the back of Cadance’s neck stood, a chill ran down her spine. Not good. Most definitely not good! Too deep! I went in way too deep!

“Yes, well, I suppose I can forgive this little oversight. Just this once.” Once again, Luna proved herself either oblivious or willfully ignorant. “Perhaps the fault is mine as well, thou hath reigned over our nation alone for the entirety of my absence—a truly commendable feat, if I might say. A lapse of memory or return to a former emotional state here and there is to be expected for one of your… well, our age.” She paused, bringing a hoof to her chin as a thought occurred to her. Again, she disregarded her sister’s sharp intake of breath.

Though, Cadance certainly didn’t miss the pain in her side as she was squeezed tightly around her barrel.

Luna looked up, glancing back and forth between the pair before her. “Speaking of her parentage, who is young Cadance’s sire? It would be most appropriate to meet the one you selected to receive your affection.”

Uh oh. Cadance’s blood froze in her veins. Slowly, she turned to look Celestia, whispering out of the corner of her mouth. “A-Auntie. Let’s not do anything rash…”

Celestia chuckled lowly, bending down to whisper into her ear. “Oh, we’re far past that point, my dear, sweet, little niece!” She leaned in close, nuzzling Cadance’s cheek. “You forgot who invented this little game! But, don’t worry!” She gave a light kiss to her niece’s cheek, her voice taking on an edge typically used when some foalish politician tried backing her into a corner. “Auntie Celestia will show you how the big ponies play!”

"Sister?" Luna nudged Celestia with a hoof. "What art thou whispering? Thou aren't keeping secrets, are ye?"

"Oh, of course not, Lulu! Why, Cadance and I were just discussing how happy we would be to introduce you to her father! Isn't that right, daughter of mine?"

Cadance reared back, her ears perking up to full height. Her father? Here? Not a chance! Papa wouldn’t have come all this way from the village without sending at least a letter! "Auntie, what're you talking about? Papa is--"

"Oh, don't worry about the scandal!" Celestia kissed the top of her head. "The nobility might raise a bit of a fuss when they find out that I was with my senechal, but Fidelius's skin isn't quite as thick as you think!"

Cadance's knees buckled, she whimpered piteously as she finally caught up with her senior. Not him! Oh, any other but him! The very stallion who had been assigned to watch over her from the day her hooves touched the stone pathway to the castle, the same pony who had all but raised her alongside Celestia through her teenage years. Of all the ponies… "Oh, sweet Maker, no..." She wouldn’t!

"Thy lover is here?" Luna's ears perked up. She ruffled her feathers and beamed at the pair, completely oblivious to her niece's discomfort. "Huzzah! I must meet him! While it is... Quite irregular for a princess to lay with a servant—at least, in our day—I suppose this is one of those 'adjustments to modern culture' you spoke of, sister?"

"Quite! You're catching on quicker than expected, Lulu! But, as we say now, there's no time like the present!" She turned to Shining Armor, who snapped a shaky salute when he noticed his princess's eyes upon him. "Go and fetch Fidelius, Captain Armor.”

Cadance locked eyes with her beloved, trying with every fiber of her being to plead with him to disobey an order, just this once! Just once!

But she knew better. “At once, Your Highness!” He at least had the decency to look somewhat apologetic as he trotted past the trio of princesses and made his way to the door.

Sighing to herself, Cadance slumped in her aunt’s embrace, thoroughly defeated and outmaneuvered. Just once… Just onceI thought I could get her, albeit with Princess Luna’s help…

Pink and purple tinged wings fell. She was young, new to the game of subtle teasing and sly remarks. Making her Shiny blush and stammer whenever she pleased was one thing, but outwitting the Princess of the Sun was an entirely different matter.

All she could do was hope that Fidelius would take pity on her and not bring up all those old memories of—

“Oh, and Captain? Do ask my dear Fidelius to bring the photo album! I think Luna would appreciate a bit of visual aid so she might… share in the joys of our little family!”

Oh. Horseapples.